Ellie Goulding is from round these parts, sort of

A whole bunch of Gloucestershire parish records have been put online, and the Gloucestershire Echo is excited:

More than three million historic Gloucestershire parish records have been published online for the first time, offering unique insight into the history and people of the area – including the relatives of pop star Ellie Goulding.

Yes, having gone through three million births, marriages and deaths, the most exciting thing they can find is that Ellie Goulding's great gran lived in the county.

Given that Goulding was only born 45 miles from Gloucester, it's not even that surprising, surely?

Michael Jackson loved Gloucestershire

I've read this story, about how a song Michael Jackson wrote about Gloucestershire has leaked onto the internet. I've read it twice. And I'm still not convinced it's anything other than a fantasy Points West item made real:

According to reports, Michael Jackson visited Gloucestershire while he was in The Jackson Five, and apparently said the time spent in the county was among his fondest memories.

Presumably, if the band spent time in Gloucestershire it would have been around the time of the 1972 UK tour?

Coming next week: Aaliyah's passionate love of Dawlish Warren; the Big Bopper's song about Little Rissington

Pete Doherty gets away with a fine

So you'll recall Pete Doherty turning up for court on a driving charge last month only for him to turn out to have a coat made out of drugs?

In fact, he had thirteen wraps of heroin on him. In court.

Here's a funny thing, though: his defence was going to be that he owns so many coats, he simply forgot the one he pulled on was stuffed with smack.

I mean: as if any court is going to fall for that, right?

It turns out the court fell for that:

On Wednesday, he was fined 750 pounds (865 euros, 1,210 dollars) with 85 pounds costs after the court heard he had simply forgotten the drugs were in one of his many coats.

Judge Joti Boparai told Doherty at Gloucester Magistrates' Court: "Either this was sheer stupidity or a ploy to get more publicity."

Or, quite possibly, both.

[Defence lawyer Bruce] Clark said Doherty's faltering career was now going from strength to strength, with a concert in Moscow on the horizon and even a part in a forthcoming film.

A date somewhere in deepest Europe and a part in a movie? Oh, yes, that puts him somewhere between Stephen Baldwin and Jim Bowen on the career success stakes, doesn't it?

[Clark said] "This (the offence) was an accident. This was the ghost of past offending, not the resurrection."

"It was a headless horseman of criminality, not a Lazarus. Don't call it a comeback, call in Derek Acorah."

A man walks into court with thirteen wraps of heroin in his pockets. There is no punchline, just the sound of one man laughing.

Doherty behind the wheel, off the wagon?

The recent Geneva arrest of Pete Doherty for jacking up on a plane had the air of a story which would not live for long in isolation.

And so it proves to be: Last night, he was arrested on suspicion of drink driving, possession of drugs and failure to stop for police. Although if he won't stop for Carl, it's hugely unlikely the police could make him stop.