Lawson suddenly care what other people think

It's about other people:

Lawson want Rita Ora to be in their next video but are afraid of annoying her boyfriend Calvin Harris.

Oh, Lawson, everything you do annoys Calvin Harris. And anyone else who has ears. Why suddenly start worrying about that now?

Gordon in the morning: One of JLS makes a playlist

Behind The Sun's paywall this morning, your cold hard cash will buy a chance to read a story about Marvin out of JLS plotting a dance album. This, it appears, is cause for Calvin Harris to "watch out". Presumably in case Humes borrows his headphones but doesn't return them.

Gordon in the morning: Going off at half-cock

Bloody hell, this pre-pubic punnage is harder work than going up the Shard by stairs:

In other news, how is The Saturdays' attempts to break America through the medium of reality TV series going?

THE Saturdays’ TV show following the girls trying to crack America has been canned — leaving their hopes of US stardom in tatters.

The singers failed to secure a second series of Chasing The Saturdays during talks with execs at channel E! in LA.

Insiders said bosses pulled the plug after viewing figures slumped to 100,000.

That rather understates how far the series shed viewers - it opened with nearly a million and dropped a third by week two; by the time the series limped to an end it was being watched by fewer people in the US than were sticking with it in the UK. Not that there were many of them, either.

Not only did the fail to break America; they couldn't even beat Disney's kid's puppet show Crash And Bernstein in the ratings.

Gordon in the morning: The rage of GaGa

Apparently on BBC Breakfast yesterday, Calvin Harris mentioned that he'd been asked to work with Lady GaGa, but had said 'no'.

GaGa wasn't happy, as Gordon copies off her Twitterstream:

Gaga took to the social networking site to write: “Seems to be trendy lately to talk s*** about lady gaga when your albums/singles drop.

“Y’all should live off your own hustle.

“Never even emailed you @calvinharris I guess it’s hard to believe I write + produce my music.

“Cuz I’m a woman I don’t know about EDM right?”

Gordon helpfully points out that EDM is electronic dance music, lest his readers wonder why GaGa might be talking about Early Day Motions.

Interesting attack line for GaGa to somehow read sexism in Harris' comments, which I don't think was there in the first place.

But we should respect her for writing and producing her own stuff and not needing any help from other people. Harris should be ashamed for suggesting otherwise. Where would he have got the idea otherwise?

Obviously, on Born This Way the album she shares a writing credit with Fernando Garibay. But pretty much it's just her.

Well, her and Fernando Garibay and Jeppe Laursen. And DJ White Shadow.

GaGa, Fernando Garibay, Jeppe Laursen and DJ White Shadow. Writing together, but with no further assistance. If you don't count Garibay, RedOne and Cheche Alara.

Okay, okay, so maybe she doesn't write alone. But she's producer, right? She produces herself. With only the merest additional work by DJ Snake, DJ White Shadow, Fernando Garibay, Robert John "Mutt" Lange, Jeppe Laursen, RedOne and Clinton Sparks.

Why on earth would Calvin Harris believe that she might collaborate?

Turns out, though, that Harris was approached behind GaGa's back. Gordon again:

Calvin then replied to Gaga: “No, your label emailed me.

“I always make sure I say I’m a fan when asked about it, I apologise if I offended u, wasn’t the intention.”

GaGa accepted the apology, although seemed not to realise it was then her turn to say sorry.

Meanwhile, Gordon himself has taken to Twitter:

Apologies for spelling @sallyhumphreys name wrongly on Twitter and in the paper. Super talented theatre producer and future Mrs Ronnie Wood

— Gordon Smart (@gordonsmart) October 30, 2012

Getting the name wrong. Despite all that studious fact-checking he told Leveson about.

Gordon in the morning: Song for whoever

Presumably assuming we don't understand that most chart pop hits are now made like Per Una trousersuits, sitched together to a basic design and then offered up to someone in the hope they'll fit, Rita Ora turns up to insist that she was given the chance to do the new Cheryl Cole song first:

She decided the house track — which is written and produced by Calvin Harris — was too dance orientated. She said: “I heard Call My Name quite a while ago because I was offered it.

“I turned it down. I do like the song but I didn’t want to sing it ’cos it’s not really me.

“I don’t want to go down the dance route that a lot of other pop stars are doing.

“I prefer to have my own sound and do my own thing.”

That would be the "doing your own thing" which, er, involves auditioning songs written for whoever fancies doing them.

Microsoft does something with bands and wristbands

The XBox - which young people tell me is a bit like a Binatone TV game, only the gun costs extra - is about to.... um...

Xbox Unites Music Lovers With The Hottest Bands To Create a Nationwide Gig Tour With a Difference

Yes, that's what they're doing. They're bringing together music lovers with hot bands. Although if the band didn't already have fans, they wouldn't be that hot, would they?

Anyway, it's a "nationwide gig tour" - 'gig' is a word used by musicians to mean concert, you know - but it has a difference.

Xbox launches Xbox Reverb - a series of gigs that get the fans and the bands talking

At last! Those two factions have been at war for years. It's about time... oh, hang on: you said 'fans' and 'bands'? I misread that at first as 'Israelis' and 'Palestinians'. You might want to just make it a bit clearer that this is what you're talking about.

Thousands of music lovers around the UK will get the chance to help put on the gig of their dreams, as Xbox unveils a major new music initiative that gets the fans and the bands talking.

That's 'fans' and 'bands', right?

The gig of their dreams, huh? Now, nobody's going to be all silly and say "I'd really like to see The Beatles with John and Ringo bought back to life", are they? It's got to be plausible. I'm dreaming already - Ride, Sonic Youth and the Sugargliders. That'd be a set and a half. How do I make this happen?

Xbox Reverb, officially launched in London tonight with a gig featuring exclusive sets from Calvin Harris and Magistrates, will enable fans to collaborate with a selection of the UK’s hottest live acts to co-curate a series of gigs, tailor made by the Xbox Reverb community and the artists themselves.

Oh. So, it's the gig of my dreams, providing my dream involves Calvin Harris and Magistrates? Or other bands chosen by Microsoft?

Where do my dreams actually come in?

Upon signing up to the Reverb Facebook and Twitter groups, fans will be invited to provide their own personal input and suggestions into how the gigs should look and feel based on criteria set by the bands and by the Xbox Reverb team.

I don't want to sound like I'm Mussolini or someone, but if I'm getting the gig of my dreams, and I can't choose the bands, I'd at least hope that I get to shape things a bit more than merely working within "criteria set by the bands" and the people who bring you Excel Spreadsheets.

This feedback, which could include everything from deciding the set list to designing the flyer of the gig, choosing the support act and much more, will then be thrown open to the bands themselves and the most popular suggestions put forward.

Designing the flier, eh? That's certainly a way to save a few quid on the event by not having to pay a proper designer. How about also suggesting that fans get a unique chance to stand behind the bar decanting drinks and taking money from other fans, putting it in a till and cashing-up at the end of the night as well?

Let's be clear, though: The bands make the final choices. By which they mean the PR company working for Microsoft and the band's management.

The result will see a series of DIY gigs taking place around the UK from the end of September with a number of lucky winners being given the chance to attend the events themselves.

A series of DIY gigs, albeit one put on by one of the largest corporations in the world. And it's nice to see that some "lucky" winners will get the chance to, erm, go to a gig that supposedly has been designed by the community.

The first three gigs have already been announced and will see rockers Danananakroyd taking to the stage in Birmingham on September 29th, before Pulled Apart by Horses pull Leeds apart on October 5th with Esser to play an exclusive gig in December.

On the 29th? So there's less than a week for this crowd-sourcing to take place, is there? That's probably going to rule out too much in the way of surprises.

At the events, Xbox will also be giving out Reverb Passes...

Wow. That sounds nothing at all like the sort of thing you used to cut out from the back of a cereal packet.

...exclusive interactive wristbands to everyone who wants one...

One for everyone who wants one. The sort of exclusivity that money simply can't buy.

giving guests the chance to post live tweets, comments and status updates throughout the night automatically by simply swiping their Reverb Passes on Touchpoints planted around the venues.

God, imagine that. A special, exclusive wristband that everyone has which allows them to do something they couldn't otherwise do. Unless they had a mobile phone made some time in the last ten years on them.

Commenting on the campaign, Alex Weller, Brand Experience Manager, Xbox 360 said...

If ever a job needed the Mitchell And Webb Old Lady's Job Justification Panel running over it, "brand experience manager" would be right up there.

We’re really excited to be able hand over the reigns of these events to communities of music fans, giving them the chance to curate their own gigs with their favourite bands. The response to the Facebook and Twitter groups has been fantastic meaning we’re already seeing a community of people who, just like Xbox, are passionate about great music experiences and enjoying great social experiences together.

XBox - which, you'll recall, is a lump of plastic and some electronics - turns out to "enjoy great social experiences". Who knew? I think I once saw a Sega Saturn at a Glee Club, and my Uncle swears he dated a Atari for a couple of months back in the day, but I never knew that the XBox was so outgoing.

Gordon in the morning: He must be on points

Gordon Smart's continuing, bemusing role as patsy for the JLS PR department continues this morning as he dutifully types up an event featuring one of JLS and puts it on his pages.

Obviously, a story with Aston Merrygold isn't really a story at all - no matter how eager to please Simon Cowell the Bizarre team are, they have to have something to convince people that this isn't just an advertising feature reminding people that JLS exist.

How about if they throw in Jade Ewen? Yes you do... she didn't win Eurovision, and then managed a number 27 hit with the song. And - how fortunate! - she's just a couple of weeks away from releasing her debut album, just as JLS are preparing their debut album release, too. Why, you might have thought these two would have better things to do than go out on dates together - shouldn't they be busy arranging paper-thin stunts to get their names in the paper to try and promote their respective releases instead?

The trouble is, even the thought of Aspin Merrymeade and the other Jade going out to stand in front of cameras for an evening isn't going to convince observers that this is a story. Gordon, call on your powers: can you make this an exciting gossip story - perhaps by working in a glittery party with a genuine celebrity?

ASTON MERRYGOLD snubbed CALVIN HARRIS's album launch party to take JADE EWEN out for dinner.

Other famous people they weren't near at the time include Shirley Bassey, The Queen, and Kasabian.

Twittergem: Calvin Harris

Hang on, Calvin Harris is off again:

Imagine you just spent 2 years of your life making a record. on your own. every single day, long hours, working to get it sounding right
11 minutes ago from web

imagine the buzz of making something that you love, and after 2 years you finally have something you can't wait for other people to hear
9 minutes ago from web

then imagine that cd landing on the desk of "snide rich persons kid" or "pathetic london scene-FACE"
7 minutes ago from web

then them skipping through the tracks in their lunch break, and saying "well its calvin harris isn't it? 2 stars, he's a dick head"
7 minutes ago from web

I'm telling you now that it doesn't feel good
6 minutes ago from web

but, how is it that i've been playing these songs to 20,000 people at festivals this summer, and it's gone off every single time
5 minutes ago from web

BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING RICH PEOPLES KIDS there are people who will like the album who wont get the album because they saw a shit review
5 minutes ago from web

And i can't ignore it, sorry, but it does affect me, + it is hurtful, + i know that it's exactly what i wanted it to be, and i'm proud of it
2 minutes ago from web

I'm a little lost as to why, if Harris holds reviewers in such low esteem and has a following who enjoys his work so much, that he's bothered by what they say.

It's Alexis Petridis' review in the Guardian Film & Music which Harris has gone out of his way to draw attention to.

We're just waiting for Harris to tweet that his girlfriend is fuming and that he only reads the gig guide.

Twittergem: Calvin Harris

All is not rosy in the world of @calvinharris:

THIS ENTIRE INDUSTRY IS FULL OF RICH PEOPLES KIDS, EVERYWHERE, FUCKING RICH PEOPLES KIDS RICH PEOPLES KIDS
3 minutes ago from web

RICH PEOPLES KIDS GETTING GOOD REVIEWS BECAUSE MUMMY FUCKED THE JOURNO IN THE 80S
2 minutes ago from web

FUCK YOU RICH PEOPLE YOU WILL NOT BREAK ME I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE YOU ARE ONLY RICH PEOPLE
half a minute ago from web

Is 'having to give good reviews to the children of someone you had sex with thirty years earlier' now part of dating etiquette? Blimey.

Hang on, he's not done yet:

RICH PEOPLE MEAN FUCK ALL TO ME SERIOUSLY. I'M MAKING MUSIC FOR REAL PEOPLE AND REAL PEOPLE DANCE - RICH PEOPLE STAND AT THE BACK
3 minutes ago from web

FUCK THE RICH PEOPLES KIDS WITH THEIR JOBS AS RUNNERS ON TV SHOWS OR THEIR 'CLUB NIGHTS' FUCK YOU YOU'VE DONE NOTHING ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL
2 minutes ago from web

In the name of the artist

It can never be stressed enough that the music industry does what it does not for the backroom guys who love the smell of money, or to keep lawyers busy. Oh, no, they do it for the artists.

Artists like Calvin Harris. How delighted he was to discover that his own music had been scrubbed from YouTube. His own YouTube account.

You'll probably have already read the Twitterstorm, but just in case you missed it:

Youtube have now removed the ORIGINAL mix and video of Ready For The Weekend, due to a 'copyright claim'.

IT'S MY FUCKING SONG YOU ABSOLUTE BASTARDS

This is enough to tip me over the edge, i'm not joking

There are videos up there that other people have uploaded of the same song, and they haven't been removed!? But mine does!

It's the fucking BPI. FUCK YOU 'The BPI' what have you ever done for anybody you useless shower of cunts

Fantastic use of time combating piracy by removing my own videos, what a fucking revelation. Fuck the Torrent sites, this is the way forward

We already contacted them 3 DAYS AGO about the Fake Blood and High Contrast mixes and they've done nothing, just continued!?

The BPI are the worst organisation to ever walk the earth and their setup is shambolic and their online employees are all massive retards

Yet the Dave Spoon mixes remain!? And all my other music videos. Again, if the BPI try to remove JAM TV i'm going to the House of Lords

This is unbelievable, and it seems I am completely powerless to do anything. Sony have done nothing, the BPI have done nothing

I'm going to drive my car into the big window in the BPI's offices on my way to the studio this morning

I'm going to hire a 4x4 for the day so i make more of an impact, and hopefully reach the online monkeys at the back of the office

Then i'm going to jump out the sunroof and get busy with a frying pan. OR WOK

It's possibly the thought of hitting people with woks - or maybe the need to oil the wok afterwards - that calmed Calvin down a little:

Ok I got a bit caught up in the heat of the moment. Sorry to employees of the BPI who aren't massive retards. But please put my video back

Today, the video is back...

The good news is, the video is back up! http://bit.ly/1077TS The bad news is, i rented the monster truck for 3 days

Calvin was very, very unfair to the BPI in his anger. The RIAA and the IFPI are much more shambolic organisations. Much, much worse.

Mike G, to whom thanks for the story, points out that Harris has complained in the past about the "low" cost of downloads - "there's no pleasing some people."

Downloadable: The Hours & Calvin Harris

RCRD LBL sharing more of the festive love: grab a free copy of The Hours' See The Light with a spot of Calvin Harris remixage.

Harris applies for work

Calvin Harris - stung, or something, by the NME giving him good reviews and then suggesting he might not be all that good after all - applied for a role on the paper:

"Despite a decent album review, they use my name for something that's synonymous with rubbish," he said.

"Like 'Well, this is bad, but at least it's not as bad as that lanky cretin Calvin Harris and his shitty music'. That's not a direct quote, but you get the idea."

After seeing an ad for staff writers, Calvin decided to apply. "When I got home after a few shandies, I decided to try to even out the balance of opinion on my music," he said.

Calvin was delighted to get a reply from news editor Paul Stokes. It read: "Thank you for your application. We're processing the applications but due to festival commitments there may be a delay. We hope to be in touch in due course."

We're a little puzzled - if he got a good review for the album, but sometimes is used as a synonym for bad, doesn't that mean the balance of opinion is pretty even already? Wouldn't Calvin working for the NME skew it in the opposite direction?

After all, NME history is littered with people whose bands get softer treatment because they're popping in to the offices for the day job. Fabulous, anybody? Campag Velocet?

Now, you and I would spot that the email which Harris has been waving suggesting that he's in with a chance is little more than a standard 'we have seen an email from you, keep treading water' flip-off. It would have been nice if the NME had said so, but instead, they're trying to pretend they were continuing the joke:

Yesterday Paul admitted he had wondered if the email was a hoax.

"If it was real, I thought it would be funny to keep Calvin in the running for the job." he said. "He didn't submit the ideas we asked for so he might want to send in ideas for news stories.

"But if he's successful, he won't be allowed to review his own records."

Ha ha! Yes, we knew it was him all along so we were stringing him along! Ha! Ha ha ha!

Acceptable in the airports

Calvin Harris claims to have lost his new album in the Heathrow turmoil:

The dance musician, from Dumfries, in the south of Scotland, was returning to the UK from America when the bag containing his laptop went missing.

A spokeswoman for his record company confirmed it contained the only copy of work on Mr Harris' second album.

[...]
"They have offered about £750 in compensation," said the spokeswoman.

"You can't really put a price on something like a new record."

Well, presumably you could, if you wanted to - after all, that's what record companies businesses are all about, isn't it?

More to the point: who on earth would check a laptop - never mind one which has your only copy of your new album on? And, without wanting to sound too harsh: if the album was worth a whole lot more than £750, wouldn't it have been worth making a back-up copy?

Calvin Harris and the art of acceptable partying

With his big party contest having earned more press coverage than anyone probably expected, Calvin Harris has now posted a video and message milking the publicity a little more ("explaining how to party responsibly"):

“Hello there, well a lot has been made of my attempt to get into the record books with my amazing party extravaganza (that's what i'm calling it nowadays) on August 18th, including various sections of the media outing me as a 'hate figure for parents' which i was trying to keep a secret as i know i have a huge parental fanbase.

That aside, it was suggested that i provide a helpful video blog to set out some key points you should remember when planning your party.

So in order to do this, i nicked my Dad's car, and during my joyride* i took some time out to explain how to party in a responsible manner.

However, i forgot all of the main points bar one, and ended up rambling for about 4 minutes.

Enjoy
*its a joke (in case the Daily Telegraph are reading this)”

It's all fun and games, of course, until someone steals a flatscreen television...

Unacceptable in the suburbs

Calvin Harris is about to cause upset in suburbia, as he uses MySpace to encourage The Kids to throw the most amazing party they can:

The event is the brainchild of the Scottish pop star Calvin Harris and underwritten by his record company, Columbia, a subsidiary of SonyBMG. An enticing web page reads: “All you have to do is hold your own Calvin Harris party and tell us about it! Anything goes – big or small – from a neon nu-rave extravaganza to a boozy barbecue to a girls’ night in.”

The Times reports worries that Harris fans might ignore the "or small" bit and instead throw something out of control - the MySpace parties which you read about in the papers; a future where people piss in the beds of Middle England forever:

The parties are part of the marketing strategy for Harris’s new single, Merrymaking At My Place. The most ambitious party-thrower will receive a prize £1,500 and Harris himself will grace their living room, or what is left of it, with a live performance. The small print for the competition excludes SonyBMG from all liability for any “tangible property damage, losses or injuries” resulting from the parties.

Hmm. On the other hand, isn't that a fairly standard legal get-out that tends to appear in the small print for virtually any pastime?

So, should Britain be bracing itself for a night of party themed destruction on August 18th?


Maybe not, the paper concludes with a slight air of disappointment:

The competition is open to those 16 and above and a caveat on the entry form reads: “We strongly recommend that you do not invite strangers or advertise the party as open to all – or else you will be responsible for the consequences.”

The teenagers who posted responses to Harris’s invitation appear to have less destructive designs [than the MySpace disaster parties]. He has been promised tea and pancakes by hopeful entrants.

Be on your guard, parents - and count your teabags.