Beth Ditto: Above Evans

Beth Ditto, out of the anecdote about eating squirrels, dreams of her own fashion range.

Hang about: hasn't she already done a fashion range? For Evans?

Apparently that doesn't count:

''I wish that there was more control in that line, but there wasn't. It was really fun, but the things that I really wanted couldn't be turned around in time. It was made in India, which caused a lot of conflict for me. I really want to do my own line that's ethically made, and I can do whatever the f**k I want with it."

A lot of conflict, eh? It didn't sound like that at the time. Indeed, she actually did two collections, which suggests something managed to ease all that confliction. In fact, she sounded positively giddy:

Working with Evans the first time round was a dream come true and this time the experience was even better than before. Getting a feel for what people liked and didn’t like and working with the same wonderful team, I learned some new tricks and discovered a confidence in my instincts that carried over into this collection.
[..]
I am grateful to have the chance to design for you again.

Although, clearly, that gratitude was tempered by the turmoil in her heart.

Beth Ditto doesn't know much about her favourite show

You know what Beth Ditto really likes? Pantomime scrubbing:

The Gossip frontwoman wishes her favourite programme, 'How Clean Is Your House?' - in which presenters Kim Woodburn and Aggie McKenzie help people sort out their filthy surroundings - would launch in her native America because it would be such a challenge for the hosts.

She said: "My favourite TV show is 'How Clean Is Your House', the British one - there is no American one.

"Though sometimes they come to America and than can be better - I feel there's no dirtier house than in the United States."

Um... Beth, this is an American one. It's the ones where they come to America. You can even buy it on DVD. Should you want to.

Interesting that Beth's favourite programme hasn't made a new episode in over three years. Perhaps, like Chris Patten, she doesn't watch much television?

Beth Ditto: Useful

Beth Ditto is charming. It might explain why she seldom gets asked any difficult questions and can say quite surprising things without interviewers going "what was that?"

So, chatting with Tim Jonze in yesterday's Guardian, she said this:

"I feel like I've made a difference for certain people and that's what matters. Growing up with riot grrrl, I feel like I owe it to the me of tomorrow – without sounding too ridiculous – to do this. The people who listened to Gossip when they were 14, they're 20 now and it's no longer cool, but when they're 30 they can look back and think, 'I listened to the Gossip and it was really helpful', and that will be how Bikini Kill or Nirvana were for me."

Jonze is interested more in how Ditto feels in the world of celebrity and so doesn't pick up on the curiously bloodless claim.

Sure, some people grow to be embarrassed by the music they listen to during their teenage years, and, yes, perhaps some look back later on and think "actually, that was quite an important thing that I did for the time". But is that really the way Bikini Kill resonate through people's lives? Riot Grrl was, for those there at the time, a life-changing thing; it wasn't just a phase.

It was a mission, and people on a mission might leave the path, but not because it ceased to be cool. It wasn't dressing up and trying out, it changed the way people fundamentally lived and thought and did. The Bikini Kill Archive is stuffed with evidence of that.

Ditto's description might fit the Gossip. And The Osmonds. And perhaps you might get Le Tigre in to do a remix when you're in need of the attention, then drop them when it's not going to help get the prime-time TV slots, looking back on it later as useful. But it's a total misjudgement of what riot grrl was.

(By the way, isn't it normal when a newspaper writes about a former columnist to normally acknowledge that they wrote a regular piece for that paper? Even if it was a slightly cringey one like What Would Beth Ditto Do?)

Beth Ditto: Spokesperson for a generation, when she gets her head out the bucket

I've tried reading this from ContactMusic a dozen times, and still can't understand how anyone thinks it is a sequitur:

The Gossip frontwoman admitted while she has grown up in many ways over the past few years, she hasn't become any more respectable.

She said: "I got drunk and simultaneously puked and pissed my own pants recently.

"If anything I have more opinions now because I'm not a kid anymore and I know what I'm talking about. I just think about things a lot more now."

No matter how many your opinions are, nor what quality they might be, if you're sat in a pool of vomit and urine, you might find it difficult to get people to take you seriously, Beth.

Chris Moyles forgets he's been on television

There's two things about Chris Moyles channeling Les Dawson for a pop at Beth Ditto on Radio One.

The first is the really weak way Fearne Cotton "dealt" with it, which perhaps isn't surprising.

The second is the whole idea of doing fat jokes about Beth Ditto. Doing fat jokes about anyone is a bit weak and very cheap, but given that Moyles is a man who could benefit from a little more anaerobic exercise, and Ditto is very upfront about her size, what was the point? All Moyles will have done is legitimise in his audience's mind the idea that being rude to larger people is okay - and their targets might find it harder to feel positive in the face of the yahoos than Ditto does.

Radio One could do a lot more for kids' self-esteem by shutting down Sunday's Surgery and just putting Moyles out to grass.

Q wins an award

Congratulations to Q and Love for winning a Maggie award each for magazine covers.

Showing the way that magazine design has become increasingly inventive over the years since just lobbing a half-naked woman on the front, Love won the fashion title for its naked Beth Ditto cover while Q took the overall prize for, erm, a half-naked Lily Allen.

Judging panel chairman Jim Bilton, a magazine industry veteran and managing partner of Wessenden Marketing, said: "A stunning image, strong cover lines with clear typography and an excellent 'greatest' list prominently highlighted all adds up to a winning cover creatively and commercially, producing one of the highest copy sales of the year.

"Lily wasn't a core artist for the Q readership and had heavy media coverage at the time. The solution – add panthers and a creative photo shoot – produced a truly memorable result which is our favourite cover this year."

The artist isn't really someone who Q readers want to read about so we got her to take her top off and all of a sudden, she's interesting to them.

Beth Ditto takes aim at... Katy Perry

It's only, what, about a century and a half since Katy Perry released I Kissed A Girl. So what kept Beth Ditto in firing up her outrage?

"(I Kissed A Girl is a) boner dyke anthem for straight girls who like to turn guys on by making out or, like, faking gay.

"I hate Katy Perry! She's offensive to gay culture, I'm so offended.

"She's just riding on the backs of our culture without having to pay any of the dues and not being actually lesbian or anything at all."

Well, yes... up to a point, Beth. But she can't simultaneously be being straight and kissing girls for the boys, and pretending to be lesbian. And is it entirely fair to suggest that just by saying "I kissed someone of the same sex" you're automatically appropriating gay culture?

Perry's tiresome, maybe, but perhaps not as tiresome as suggesting that your sexuality is something that you have to "pay dues" for - has someone told Ditto you need to get your lesbianism certificate renewed every year or something?

Ditto's analysis of Perry misfires - Perry isn't pretending to be gay, because if she was, she wouldn't be singing "I kissed a girl and I liked it", would she? Ditto seems to get that the song is aimed at that part of straight sexuality which finds the idea of heterosexual women having a quick bi-dabble a bit of a turn-on, but then confuses the idea of 'doing something gay women do' with 'exploiting gay culture'. It's possible to kick a football without claiming to be channeling Dead Shot Keane.

There's actually a positive side to Perry's hit - however wearing the concept of running about going "I have kissed a lady" might seem to grown ups, you could argue that there's something to celebrate about US radio allowing a song about same-sex snogging to become a large hit. That wouldn't have happened twenty years ago - and if you truly believe that everyone should have freedom to express their sexuality (as Ditto claims she does) can you really complain if some people decide they want to kiss people of their own gender without "paying their dues"?

Gordon in the morning: On me 'ead, son

There is one, undeniable truth in life, learned young, when pinching your brother's issues of Shoot and checking out the Focus On... column: footballers have rubbish taste in music.

Oh, sure: there are exceptions - Pat Nevin and... well, Pat Nevin. But, generally, most professional footballers' entire music taste could be catered for by the CD racks in a tolerably well-stocked branch of Asda.

This is known; and it has been known since the dawn of recorded time. Or at least since the introduction of the minimum wage.

It turns out, though, that it's news to Gordon Smart:

CRISTIANO RONALDO deserves a straight red card for some of the howlers in his CD collection.

What's he got, Gordon? Renee and Renato? Nothing but Stars On 45? George Sampson's record? (Okay, that last one is just ridiculous. Nobody bought that one.)

The Man United ace has all RICKY MARTIN’s albums and admits his top track by the Latin hip-swiveller is cheesy No1 single Livin’ La Vida Loca.

It's hardly that bad. For a footballer. Is it?

Ron says: “Ricky’s tunes are very catchy. Livin’ La Vida Loca is his most catchy by far and it is my most favourite.”

What a winker.

On the other hand, Gordon: You think Kasabian are brilliant. People who live in glass houses, with Kasabian on the CD player, shouldn't... well, they just shouldn't.

Elsewhere, here's Gordon's coverage (about three weeks after it was actually news) of the Beth Ditto doll:

BETH DITTO is more sumo wrestler than delicate Barbie.

But High Street store Evans have created a slimmed-down doll of THE GOSSIP singer to mark the launch of her plus-sized clothes range.

The image of her blubbery belly squeezed into a pair of Spanx at Radio 1’s Big Weekend is burned on my memory.

But the plastic version is altogether more pleasant.

Gordon Smart prefers unnatural doll to a real woman. Again, not exactly something you'd hold the front page for.

The Gossip: Back to work, then

It's been three years since Standing In The Way Of Control. Three years. A long time to coast on one record, and about time for The Gossip to turn out a new record:

[Beth Ditto] said: "If it doesn't do as well as Standing In The Way Of Control then it doesn't really matter - the label would think differently but I don't really care."

That isn't, of course, the politician's trick of lowering expectations so that second place can me made to look like a victory.

The new record will, naturally, be different:

Gossip had huge success in 2007 with single Standing In The Way Of Control but they're not concerned with replicating the success.

"You can't make the same record twice," said guitarist Nathan Howdeshell.

Given how they've worked the last one to death, they're not wrong. They didn't even need to make a second record.

Ditto: "You can't, and you can't expect the same results. Isn't that what crazy people do? To keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect the same results? That's the definition of insanity."

No it isn't. It's exact opposite, surely? It'd be insane to do the same thing repeatedly and expect - all other things being equal - to get different results. You wouldn't take a kettle back to the shop if it boiled water every time you switched it on.

"I really want people to like it, that's the difference," said Ditto.

So you want it to be liked, but don't care if it's successful, then. Righto.

Play with Ditto

Is it disappointing or surprising that the Beth Ditto doll isn't a mass-market product, or even a limited edition, but just a one-off to punt her clothes line for Evans?

If it was really accurate, of course, it wouldn't actually be wearing any clothes at all, given that it is now the law that all photos of Beth Ditto must have her naked to MAKE A POINT of some sort.

[via @sheenabeaston]

Bookmarks: Some stuff to read on the internet: Beth Ditto

Hannah Pool isn't convinced by Beth Ditto's third naked magazine cover:

Designers are notorious for claiming that only a size zero will make their clothes look good, so did Love editor Katie Grand have trouble persuading them to dress Ditto? "No one said they didn't want Beth in their clothes. Donatella Versace wanted to do it and so did Chanel, but there wasn't enough time," says Grand.

[...]
The shoot that follows Ditto's features a model whose chest looks almost concave, signifying that it's back to fashion's version of "normal" pretty quickly.

The second time as... well, slight desperation

If you were about to launch an avant-garde fashion title, would you choose to effectively rework a two year old NME cover?

For next month's issue, they're going to get Miles Hunt to dress up like her out of DeeLite.

Yes, Beth Ditto naked again. Just like in 2007.

[Via Magculture]

Glastonbloggy: Dissertations and diversions

Guardian blogger Alex Hoban gives Beth Ditto a gift, a dissertation about Beth Ditto:

So, when my Glastonbury work brief included the task of interviewing Beth, I knew this was my best chance of getting one over a friend of mine who'd been honoured enough to present her Julian Barnes-based disseration to the man himself at what I imagine was a cranium-crumblingly dull literary conference.

And it happened, just as I imagined. Entering her dressing room she fanned herself forward in a breezy floral dress like a new Aphrodite against which beauty must be measured. Many platitudes were exchanged as I handed her the chalice of my endeavours and, visibly enthused by the whole situation, she promised to read it and get back in touch to let me know what she thought.

A big important book all about how important Beth Ditto. However did he know?

Holy Fuck are going in prepared:

We’re warming up tonight with a show at Proud Galleries in Camden. There’s currently a Sid Vicious photo exhibit here, so as a tribute I will be getting fucked up and miming all my bass parts while Mat our sound engineer does the real work from behind my amp. Has the makings of the best Holy Fuck show of all time.

Tomorrow we head to the Glastonbury Festival where we’re playing the John Peel Stage. Hopefully the hippies are kinder to Jay-Z than they were to Kanye. And hopefully we don’t drown in the mud as it’s already been raining and continues to do so today. Brian is set as he has his Canadian-branded wellies.

Let's hope his wellingtons find favour - Fashionologie takes Daisy Lowe to task for a "no-no":

This year's Glastonbury Festival just kicked into gear today, and what do you know . . . Daisy Lowe popped up goofing off for the cameras in a slouchy black top, PVC pants, and muddy wellies. Considering that the fashion flock watches Glastonbury to see what Kate pops up wearing, it's not so smart for an up-and-coming model like Daisy to follow Kate's suit — at the same event — a year later.

On the other hand, wearing wipe-clean trousers makes sense when you're kneedeep in mud, surely?

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Glastonbury web round-up: Third reich is wrong

Joe Lean has, the NME tells us, compared himself to Hitler during the Jing Jang Jong's set. Not, unfortunately, in the sense that he's about to escape justice, but simply because he looked a bit like him in a video:

Onstage, Lean explained that he unfortunately looked like Hitler in the video for recent single 'Where Do You Go', adding that this was "not a good thing".

Although, of course, it's not as bad as thinking like Hitler. Having said which, you can beat Labour in a by-election doing that these days.

The NME's coverage does seem to have hit on "eye-catching headline on a ho-hum story that actually says the opposite" framework for Glastonbury. So, we also get this:

The Gossip's Beth Ditto at Glastonbury: 'Jay-Z is guilty'

Only for the story to reveal that he's guilty in a good way:

"I'm so jealous of you, camping to see Jay-Z," Ditto said shortly into the set. "Seriously, I'm so fucking jealous. Jay-Z: guilty of making this festival good!"

Still, let's just ponder this for a moment: who is actually stopping Ditto from camping to wait and see Jay-Z? If she's that jealous, why doesn't she send a minion to Bristol to pick up some stuff from Millets and pitch a tent?

And is it just us, or does this "ooh, Jay-Z's made this a good festival" just smack of the most desperate bid to sound contrairian? I don't ever recall Ditto having accused Glastonbury of not being good in the past, and certainly never bemoaning the lack of hip-hop stars on the bill.

Meanwhile, Gigwise shows how to write a headline that sums up the story honestly, and with passion:

Lightspeed Champion Declares Love For Pukka Pies At Glastonbury

Q meanwhile is slightly hobbled by its official role as "partner", and so is having to do all the public service. Actually, the story about Billy Bragg, Dirty Pretty Things and Bluetones doing charity work for the guitars-for-prison charity is a strong one, and it's in a noble cause. It's a pity they've hidden it under an apologetic heading:

You have the right to remain LOUD!

[Part of Glastonbury 2008]

Darkness at 3AM: Following Beth Ditto into Evans

We're trying to work out - once again - what goes on in Beth Ditto's head. Having had a strop at Top Shop for their "limited" fashion sizes, 3AM are now reporting that she's going to be working with Evans:

We're told: "She wants to show the world that big girls can have fun with fashion - and stick two fingers up to the size-zero brigade."

But isn't signing a deal with a shop that serves only larger sizes also working with a chain that does "limited" fashion sizes? And since they're part of a broader retail group, complicit in the attitude that people with smaller bodies and people with larger bodies really ought to be forced to shop in different places?

The 3AM Girls, of course, have nothing to offer on this ethical point, instead using one of their favourite final lines:

You go, girl!

It's awful when people say that - especially English people, who really don't take comfortably to pretending to be Tyra Banks. But it's even worse when it's used in print. What do they mean, exactly? It's a press equivalent of ending a sentence in conversation by making a honking noise and balancing a ball on your nose.
And - seriously - is this the best picture they could find to illustrate the story? Really?

Non-existent record attempt made by Beth Ditto and, erm, Pearl from Powder

We don't like to be snarky at charities, we really don't, and Crisis do brilliant work and we suggest you support them. Give them some money. Go on.

Having said that, what on earth is point of the thinking behind the "bid to break the world record for number of downloads of a charity single on a single day"? We know it's supposed to create a bit more interest around the Enemy/Beth Ditto/Paul Weller/Supergrass single, but how is making up a record which nobody would ever have even thought of really going to help?

They've got Pearl Spam from Powder involved:

Ambassador for Crisis, Pearl Lowe, said: "Before everyone goes off for the bank holiday, we want them to think about giving something back and helping us to set this world record."

But it's not a world record, is it? It's just quantifying something that's never been measure before, like me deciding I'm going to break the world record for the most embedded James Taylor videos in a music blog on a Friday. Good cause, terrible half-arsed marketing idea.

You'll be seeing a lot of Beth Ditto on MTV

Thrilling news in a press release from The Gossip - who seem to have dropped the 'the' definitively now. They're hooking up with MTV:

Gossip has been selected as a featured artist in MTV's "52/52" campaign in conjunction with the release of "Gossip - Live In Liverpool." "52/52" is a brand new way for the channel to give unprecedented exposure to unsigned artists, indie bands, and established acts on major labels in a completely new and innovative way.

And what does that mean, exactly?

MTV handpicks one band/artist per week for the entire year and gives them the equivalent of roughly 11 hours of on-air commercial time per week on the channel. Performances, interviews, and behind-the-scenes footage with Gossip will air throughout the group's "52/52" spots.

So... that would be like advertising, then, would it? Is that entirely so innovative? Didn't choosing bands and playing their stuff used to be the mission of MTV?

Yes, this does all hang around the release of a live album, which does give the impression that they have run out of ideas completely. It's got Standing In The Way Of Control on it, you know.

Pop stars have drinks; Mail outraged

The Daily Mail is fuming with rage at the drunken antics of pop stars & hangers-on after the Brits had finished (possibly even as soon as they'd switched to ITV2) and is so upset it feels compelled to share photos with the public so you, too, might be upset:

If you thought that they looked bad before the Brit Awards started then these pictures of Britain's finest pop stars as the night wore on are even more shocking.

Amongst these 'shocking' pictures are Beth Ditto with her mouth open, and Peter Kay yawning. The most shocking photo of all, though, is one of Mark Owen leaning on a trolley - shocking as in 'of a quality so low it's not worth printing in a national newspaper, surely' as he's got red eye.

The Mail's Richard Price, though, is most exercised by a snap of Sarah Harding kissing a girl:

Too much 'kiss and make-up' for Sarah Harding?

At the Universal Records party in Bayswater, Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding was seen being driven away looking clearly worse for wear, even sharing a kiss with a female companion before collapsing in the back of her car.

Did he just say, effectively, 'she was so drunk she turned into a lesbian'?

Ditto, Cocker together for charity

It's good to remember that when Beth Ditto isn't mangling queer history or handing out well-meaning advice - that is, when she concentrates on the dayjob - she can turn in a cracking performance. Like when she did Temptation with Jarvis Cocker at the NME Awards last year, for example.

Although that track has been sloshing around the net for twelve months, it's never been officially released - until, that is, today. Jarvis reports it's up for sale on the iTunes; the money will go to Shelter, which should be enough for you to replace the version you'd ripped from the YouTube video, don't you think?

What would Beth Ditto be doing?

The Guardian is continuing to keep faith with the What would Beth Ditto do column. This week, the person calling for help was gay:

Even if I am gay, I'm not normal gay. For starters, I don't like Kylie or macho men. What should I do?

Now, the obvious answer - how can you be living in 21st century Britain and think that the love of Kylie is mandatory for homosexuality? - is passed over; Beth does offer the obvious response:

There is no one way to be gay.

But in attempting to stretch out that screamingly obvious for two columns she wobbles into some lazy stereotyping of her own.

The reason the rainbow was chosen as our universal symbol wasn't because of its cute, bright, colourful, quirky, "gay" image. Rather, those stripes represent all humans, and the arch of the rainbow encompassing the Earth offers a comforting reminder that we come in all styles and colours - buzzcuts, long hair, lispy, butch, flaming.

Actually, the colours on the rainbow flag don't represent "all humans", Beth - the original design had them stand for sexuality; life; healing; sunlight; nature; magic; serenity and spirit, while more modern iterations of the flag have dropped (ironically) the sexuality and the magic. The 'rainbow'-ness, far from having arching meaning, actually was just a neater description of the flag than "multicoloured stripey flag". It's not, of course, the first time that Ditto has started from where she is and attempted to reverse out a convincing meaning, and - ultimately - symbols mean what you want them to.

But it's not just that Beth is twisting history, she's also going to have a quick tweak of science to make her point, too:

Rainbows hang over the Earth encompassing it with warmth and, no matter what, no human can take the rainbow from the sky. It sounds cheeseball, but that's why we adopted it.

Eh? Rainbows don't hang over the earth, do they? And they certainly don't encompass it. Or give warmth to anything. And while it's true that no person can take a rainbow out the sky, the nature of a rainbow - shimmering, impossible to touch, unobtainable, barely there and rarely seen. If you want to make too much of the rainbow symbolism, it starts to look a bit of a weak idea.

But the real problem is this line:

It doesn't make you less gay if you aren't effeminate.

Because, presumably, most gay men are effeminate, then Beth? Why would someone who is supposedly pro-queer even frame a sentence that implies a link between effeminacy and homosexuality?

Imagine if that sentence was recast with one of the other stereotypical slurs gay and bi people have thrown at them - "it doesn't make you any less gay if you aren't promiscuous", for example.

In attempting to licence the right for gay people to not be constrained by stereotypes, Ditto has implicitly reinforced the stereotyping.

Of course, she's well meaning, and this is probably lazy writing rather than meaningful cussedness, but it underlines the problems of inviting a person to offer advice to those in pain or fear based on their performances as house band on The Friday Night Project: you need to be careful and think through what you're saying. Ditto as agony aunt is like getting Desperate Dan in to look after your preschool class: however well meant their actions, their very enthusiasm is going to generate more problems than they can solve.