No mother should ever give birth and have to leave the hospital without her baby. No parent should ever have to watch their child struggle between life and death.
We feel so fortunate that our outcome with Connor has turned out the way it has… we are beyond lucky and blessed. Like any toddler, he’s a handful, but he’s an absolute JOY – and we thank our Heavenly Father every day that he’s ours.
You can read more about Connor’s amazing story here.
I first shared this essay on the blog 2 years ago, while Connor was still in the NICU. At that point in time, we were almost to the halfway point of our stay… Connor had doubled his birthweight and was finally just over 4 pounds; he had also survived 1 emergency surgery (with 2 more to follow in the coming weeks).
The first couple of months during our NICU experience, I found myself grieving… not because I had lost a baby, but because I had missed out on the experience I had hoped for in having a baby. (Does that make sense?) My pregnancy, for the first 25 weeks, had been textbook. No complications whatsoever, mild morning sickness and discomfort, I was even under the expected weight gain to that point. So naturally, my head was in the clouds – imagining what his “birth”day would be like… in March, not December. I wasn’t planning on an emergency c-section at almost 27 weeks, and I certainly wasn’t planning on a roller coaster 120-day NICU stay, either.
Don’t get me wrong – I count my blessings every day that Connor is such a miracle… such a fighter… and that he is doing unbelievably and remarkably well, all things considered. I know that we are one of the lucky ones in regards to premature birth, and I don’t take that lightly, or without immense gratitude. We came away from our NICU experience with a wonderful new family – full of amazing doctors, nurses, therapists, support staff, and fellow NICU parents – that we would have never gotten the chance to know, had Connor’s “birth”day been normal.
I originally found this essay on a blog written by a fellow NICU mom (and now imaginary friend), Megan, about her miracle sons Crew and Dex. The author of “Welcome to Holland” is Emily Perl Kingsley – a writer for Sesame Street since 1970, who penned the essay after her son, Jason, was born with Down’s Syndrome in 1974.
Since our time in the NICU, I’ve forwarded this essay to many people, those struggling with unmet expectations for how their births went, how they’ve ended up in the NICU, or how they’ve found themselves a parent of a special needs child. I turned it into a printable, with the thought that it could be easily passed along to others in need.
To download the 8.5”x11” PDF for printing, simply click on the image above, and a new window will open to the download location in 4shared. Save to your computer, and it’s yours! (I recommend setting your printer to “borderless printing” if you print this yourself.)
UPDATE – I’ve also created this print in a smaller version, with 2 per page. Download can be found here. (Again, set your printer to “borderless printing” for best results.)
I’ll be posting this project to some of the link-up parties listed here:
I’ve been frustrated the last couple of weeks trying my darnedest to get a decent photo of Connor for the family Christmas card.
I knew I couldn’t top last year’s card, but I just needed something I could work with. Even the outtakes from last year’s Christmas card photo shoot were better than anything I’ve been capturing of Connor lately. Yep, I hit the jackpot of cuteness in 2009!
We’ve attempted a couple of impromptu photo shoots here at home, but no dice. Nothing that I was in love with anyway.
Last night, we decided to take Connor to meet Santa… to sit on his knee and meet him face-to-face. Bass Pro Shops does a great Santa’s Wonderland for kids, and it’s all free, including the photo with Santa. Not only did we want the memory, but I needed that Christmas card photo, dangit!
Connor + crowds = a no-go, so we figured the earlier the better… a Tuesday night in mid-November, right when Santa’s Wonderland opened for the day, was our best bet.
Connor did alright.
Santa was awesome and even let us come back a second time and skip the line.
{sigh.}
Right before I hit ‘publish’ I do recall the very first time Connor met Santa… in the NICU. One of the neonatologists dresses up each December and they take photos for the parents. This snapshot was my surprise, inside a card, on Christmas Day, 2008 – probably my favorite present that year.
(P.S. I just barely completed and ordered the Christmas cards for this year…{whew!} Crossing my fingers that Vistaprint is the answer this year – Self-designed front&back, cardstock flat cards + envelopes + self-designed address labels = about $0.80/card. Pretty good deal, no? Connor’s photo is not great, but it’ll do. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?? I’ll post it here on the blog after I get them mailed out. :)
Recently, the book Half Baked, by Alexa Stevenson was recommended to me.
“A funny memoir about struggling with infertility and giving birth to a not-quite-two-pound premature baby? Blogger Stevenson manages to pull it off. In this tragedy with a happy ending, Stevenson goes through in vitro fertilization (IVF), gets pregnant with twins, loses one of them, but delivers a surprisingly healthy daughter, Simone. The tale is full of funny moments. Stevenson’s husband, Scott, nicknames their IVF project “Science Baby.” When she is still carrying two fetuses, Stevenson jokes, “My goal was a modest one: to get 50 percent of the babies out alive.” Later, after Simone is released from the neonatal intensive care unit, Stevenson notes that the sound of crying makes her happy, not frustrated. “Baby crying? Well, that means she’s breathing!” Even though the book offers plenty of comic relief, how many parents of full-term babies will want to wade through every detail of Stevenson’s fears, drugs, and checkups? It’s the readers who are in Stevenson’s shoes who will seek out and smile at her inspiring tale of hope.”
The author, Alexa, was a blogger at Flotsam, before she was a published author. She posts there quite frequently, and I find her style funny and refreshing.
I could probably say I’ve got at least a mild case of PTSD (self-diagnosed) as a result of our NICU experience – the most terrifying 4 months of my life. In time, I know I’ll get better and stop asking myself all of those pesky “what ifs?”.
It’s a small club of which I find myself a member – the one that includes parents who at some point in time came close to losing their child, or wondering if they were going to make it to the next day. (I don’t even attempt to truly know what it feels like to have lost a child.) This is not a club for which anyone would volunteer.
I enjoyed this book immensely… I laughed, I cried, I commiserated. So much of her NICU experience was uncannily similar to mine – I found myself able to relate on so many levels. Reading her memoir was cathartic for me. This is a book I will definitely pick up again in a few years time.
Currently, there are 28 reader reviews posted on Amazon – all but a small few rated it 5 out of 5 stars.
For any of my fellow NICU moms, both in real life and imaginary – if you’re interested in reading this book, please let me know – I’d be happy to send it to you as a loaner. :)
Just stylin’… Connor in his Halloween “costume” at the reunion. Since it was dang chilly out, and he was sporting his first black eye (another post)… meet our PRIZE FIGHTER! (We opted for warmth this year – last time we were more clever.)
What a fun way to spend a fall afternoon!
Much thanks and appreciation to the NICU staff for pulling together such a great event each year. We so enjoyed seeing those nurses, doctors, and staff that we don’t get to see on a regular basis. Their tireless efforts during Connor’s first 4 months helped us to get where we are today.
For over a year, this photo was Connor’s first picture. Taken just 2 hours after he was born, it was the only one I knew of taken on December 16, 2008.
"Blog already, Mommy, BLOG!!" - May 5, 2009
Coming HOME for the very first time! - April 14, 2009
My co-napping boys - May 2, 2009
Mega-meds - May 6, 2009
Our monkey boy - April 24, 2009
Mellow yellow... still a little jaundiced - May 4, 2009
Yay! He loves car rides... as long as we keep moving... - April 15, 2009
Crazy eyes - April 16, 2009
Just chiling on his play gym - April 19, 2009
Little boy in a bi-iiig crib - April 26, 2009
Wondering why those fingers don't taste like his thumb - May 2, 2009
During his newspaper shoot with Auntie Harriet
Auntie Lyn made a house call and took some beautiful photos! - April 19, 2009
Reunited with Grandma Rogers - April 24th, 2009
Early morning snuggles with Grandma Rogers - May 2, 2009
Connor's 1st blow-out... you wanted to see that, right?? ;)
April 19, 2009
April 25, 2009
April 24, 2009
April 24, 2009
Helping my sanity, Connor LOVES his swing - hallelujah! - April 16, 2009
Perfecting his Elvis sneer during our sleepover at the hospital - April 9, 2009
Discharge Day - April 14, 2009
With Grandma Sprik - May 6, 2009
Meeting Uncle Jason for the very first time - May 6, 2009
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