Thursday, July 15, 2010

I Was Trying To Be Martha Before Martha Was Martha...

This is a story that might only be funny to a certain age group, but still funny none the less. If you are old enough to remember sanitary napkins that came with a belt and those waxed paper bags to throw them away in...you are my target group. All others will still enjoy! I know sanitary napkins??? Bear with me...it's a good one.
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Here is a little background for the story. I am the youngest of 5 children, my father career military retiring in 1970, my mother the perfect base commander's wife and military hostess extraordinaire. Always hosting the perfect party even after they were out of the military.
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Enter me...1973 or so, 8 or nine years old. My mom and dad were having a very big party. You know the fancy ones...china, crystal, silver and in the DINING ROOM. The table was mostly set and the guests were ready to arrive soon, but I wanted to help. What was the safest job my mom could give me..."Oh Karen, how about you put the cloth napkins on each plate".
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Ooohhh!!! I was so excited to decorate each plate with a napkin. But wait...I remembered something my mom told me one time in the bathroom, "Oh honey, put those little bags back in the box, those are just for napkins"
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Those pretty waxed blue bags are just for napkins. How perfect...and mom said they WERE for napkins. So up to the bathroom I went, gathered up a handful of the plain blue waxed bags from under the sink.
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I carefully folded each napkin and placed it in it's very own special bag and then placed one on each plate. I think I still remember how excited I was when I finished.
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I will end the story here with you just picturing the look on my mom's face when I called her in the dining room!!!
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I think I was trying to be Martha, before Martha was even Martha and I just have to say...that was probably my very first Tool Time Tuesday!
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I think I just made my mom laugh in heaven,
~Karen~

54 comments:

  1. I love it, too funny. I had an incident at my Grandma's house with those in high school and not being able to figure out how those sanitary napkins worked. That was in 94, can only imagine how old they were!

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  2. That is so funny. I have no idea what those things were but I can imagine the whole thing in my head. Yes, definetely that was your first Tool time!!!!

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  3. I bet you did make your mother smile, that is hilarious!!! I totally forgot that 'those things' were called napkins....so funny. I remember being on vacation with my gram and family and she told my dad we needed to stop and get some napkins for me....oh, you could just hear my brothers....what does she need napkins for...I was so embarrassed! Those were the good old days....and now I am going to sing...opps sorry, forgot where I was!!! Thanks, for the smile.

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  4. That is SO funny!!! I recall them being called napkins AND I recall those waxy bags for the disposal of the "napkins". I'm sure your mom nearly fainted when she saw that!!! Lucky you called her into the dining room BEFORE the guests arrived. Can you IMAGINE what she'd have done if she saw them for the first time on the plates when the guests were there??? LOL

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  5. Karen, that is too funny! Sort of reminds me of the Amelia Bedelia books where she 'steaks' the tomatoes and stuff like that!

    I am in your target group for that story. Such memories! And I am also from a military family, my dad retired a commander in the Navy after 20 years in about 1970 as well! I am the 4th of 8 children and we older ones remember well the fancy parties my mother would put on in the dining room, as we peeked out from the kitchen. Very exciting!

    MGM

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  6. Oh my gosh, I am laughing. Glad dh isn't home or he would think I am crazy. I so remember those. What a cute and funny story. I am sure your mom is smiling down at you. Thanks for sharing. Winona

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  7. You are killing me, that is hilarious.....totally on the floor.

    I remember....

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  8. What a funny story! I am definitely in your target age group! I can just imagine the look on your mother's face! Do you know if she ever told anyone about it!

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  9. You know, that wasn't such a bad idea, lol, pretty and creative and a funny story that made me laugh. Thanks! :-D

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  10. laughed my self silly... thank God you never put in 'ladies napkins' in those bags... precious girl.... and that you showed mummy first... he he
    thanks for a great laugh and tooltimes...
    hugs Dawn x

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  11. Oh Karen, this is a fabulous story, I'm just old enough to remember what sanitary napkins were, the look on your Mum's face would have been a kodak moment. When my eldest son was about 18mths, he got into my bathroom cupboard and had a fabulous time ripping the strip of the back of a packet of pads and sticking them around the bathroom! Women's things are always a great mystery don't you think? Thanks for a great laugh! xo

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  12. TOOO funny!!! Thank you for sharing that great story :)

    SheilaC

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  13. Oh my goodness!
    I love it.
    I never even thought to write about a childhood story like that!

    I'm off to look at more of your blog.

    Do drop in for a visit!

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  14. Terrific story! Thanks for the laugh. Sorry you have your mom in heaven already.

    This story reminds me of one night when I was about the same age as in your story--my mom was packing for our out of town trip and her overnight case was standing open in the bathroom. We saw lollipop sticks in the case and began to unwrap a couple. We were so disappointed to find some big fluffy white thing on the end. Whatever could it be? Then Mom came in, grabbed them away from us and shooed us out of the bathroom. We were so glad we didn't get in trouble but still wondered what those things were!!!

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  15. LOL! Sounds just my brother (who was a kid in the early 70s)...he began disappearing quietly in the backyard for three afternoons with no complaints, no whining, nothing. Every day he'd come in with stories about rockets and rocket launchers. Finally, he showed my dad one: pink plastic tampon applicators that had been dug out of the trash by the dog were "rocket launchers"...my mom was appalled. We've used cardboard applicators ever since!

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  16. That is SO funny. I could just see it - it must have made your mother's day.

    I once found my little girl trying to 'put on her lipstick' with a plastic wrapped tampon she found hidden under my bathroom sink. She remarked that it didnt work very well!

    Thanks for the laugh this morning!

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  17. SEW funny!!! I actually have a worse story. I was having a military farewell for my husband's boss's wife in my home. After all was done and my friend and I were cleaning up I found a used (yes used) "napkin" that my dog had drug out of the trash and left under the table while we were trying to get him "locked up". I couldn't believe it!!!! Luckily no one apparently saw it.....

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  18. Oh that is so funny! Thanks for the laugh!:)

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  19. How funny! I had not thought about those in years!! I am an Army brat and my dad retired in '68. I remember the huge open house my parents had every year...ones where the officers and wives left their calling cards on a silver tray in the foyer. My thrill every year was being allowed to refresh the trays of food...dressed up in my best!

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  20. OMG, how funny is that? My mom just kept them as far back in the closet as possible and no one was to have known about them. Well, let me tell ya, they made the best floor polishers coz you could actually tie them around your feet. Mind you the floor always had two really shinny straight lines from skidding down the hallway and the blue line was the blade if you decided to skate around the house on the clean floors. The neighbours came in one night and told my parents how creative their children were... can you say HORRIFIED...
    Thanks for the memories.
    Be always in stitches.

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  21. Karen, that is just way too funny! I love it! I remember those stupid belts. The first time I had to use one, we were on a family vacation and I was horrified. Thank goodness we have moved beyond all that... in more ways than one! Thanks for the cute story!

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  22. I was the youngest and the only girl in a military family...let me just say that my Marine father would have had a stroke if he had seen those "things" on the table...you couldn't say anything, nothing, nada about "that time of the month"...thanks for the reminder of the uncomfortable days...

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  23. That.Is.Hilarious!!!!!

    I do remember those blue bags and those little clips and . . . . well, you know! Times have surely changed haven't they??!!!

    Thanks for the giggle! :)

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  24. I'll be chuckling about this all day, now! Glad you shared this one! :)

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  25. Oh Karen, that is too funny! I remember those belts. My brother once found tampons in my mother's drawer and thought they were firecrackers. I guess everyone has a funny story. Thanks for the laugh!
    mariaegerard@gmail.com

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  26. That certainly was funny and I chuckled very loudly :) I can just imagine it all...heheheehe

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  27. I almost spit my coffee! OMG! That is a priceless story and yes, your Mom is still chuckling in heaven! Thanks for sharing. Nancy in NY

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  28. Thanks for the laugh!!! I so needed it this morning!

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  29. Oh, the way children think. That's just too funny!!!

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  30. ...how funny...

    I remember those bags...so glad that time of life is over..

    BUT? What if Mom hadn't checked the table before dinner? That would have been priceless...

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  31. Karen, me reí mucho con tu historia. Me imagino tu ilusion por hacer bien las cosas y la cara de tu madre cuando vió lo que habías hecho!!! Un beso

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  32. Oh! I remember those, and those horrible belts! I can't even stand the thought of thong underwear because of those belts!

    Later, when my boys were 7 or 8, they walked in on me while I was changing a tampon, so we had to have a spontaneous discussion about "nests" and babies. Part of it was watching the tampon explode in a glass of water. I went thru an entire box of tampons within a week, and I think every kid in the neighborhood got to explode one!

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  33. What a hoot! I can just see your very proper and I've no doubt extremely modest mom telling that story to her friends at the weekly hair dresser appointment. LOL!

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  34. Now that is funny. Did they match the plates?

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  35. LOL, very funny indeed! I'm sure your mom is smiling right now!

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  36. And I think that you made a lot of us laugh down here on earth! How hilarious! Your mom definitely has to be smiling right now!

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  37. Too funny!
    We all have our humble beginnings..LOL

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  38. Oh yes, I remember the napkins and the bags. Thanks for the great story. I bet your mom's still laughing in heaven.

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  39. OMG- that is too funny- I can see your mother's face - at least she was able to solve it before her guests arrived-
    I worked with a guy who used sanitary napkins as liners in his shoes- that's what his mom and sister told him they were for...
    Thanks for the laugh- I am glad I did not have a drink in my mouth it would have been all over the place.
    Regards,
    Anna

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  40. ha ha ha ha ha ha hee hee hee hee hee heee oooo ooo ooo oo ooo ah ah ah ah ah aw aw aw aw aw....my sides are aching I'm laughing so much....I CAN imagine the look on your mom's face and i bet she looks back on it fondly from above!
    Thank for putting a smile on my face to start the week.
    sugary hugs XX Wendy :O)

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  41. I remember those blasted belts, pads, and bags. Thanks for sharing your hilarious story! :)

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  42. That's too funny...as they used to say, we've come a long way, baby! Thanks for the laugh...

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  43. What a riot Karen! I can only imagine your pride at your accomplishment not to mention the thoughts going through your dear Mom's head. I'm right with you remembering the "good? old days"
    Love your blog. I'm a new blogger and a long time stitcher. All I wish for now is TIME to have fun with both:)

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  44. Oh my, how funny is that! You were born to create!!

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  45. I remember the pads and belts but I don't think they came with bags or maybe it's just my memory... ;O)

    When my nephew was four he was staying with me while my sister was in the hospital having my niece. Imagine my surprise when I walked out in my front yard to call him in for dinner and found him and his new buddies shooting rockets at each other. The rockets were my box of tampons. Apparently they shoot quite well. Total embarrassment, but one of my favorite "tease my nephew" stories.

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  46. I can totally hear your mom laughing! And yes you were totally Martha before Martha was Martha! I've never had a doubt about it. And NOW I know that all your entertaining is in the genes. ;o)

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  47. How funny. One day my oldest daughter got the maxi pads from under the sink, took the paper off the backs and stuck them to the window panes in the front window of the house...all of them.

    I too am a commanders daughter and had a Southern Bell mother who was the one who entertained with such grace and style. In those days a military man's wife was very important to his success...So see we really have more things in common.

    Pat

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