Happy Birthday, Gin Bag

My Best Girl's a party in a pencil skirt, a leopard-print lifeline with matching ballet shoes. She's the brolly in my cocktail, the bud in my bong, she's Cava in pyjamas, my sunshine and my muse. Without her, senoras wouldn't shake and monsters wouldn't mash, they'd call off Eurovision and all the bunting in the land would fall.

The monkey and I raise a toast to you, clink our glasses of egg white and gin. To ladypints and date nights, to the terrible things we say! To butchers and barmen and tossing Twilight, to the money shot and the change! To you, B, for being my bestie and for always giving me something to look forward to. To you, to you, to you.