Down With Bread

I am reunited with my glorious Snout and I have realised that I do not like bagels. I wish that we did not have breads of any kind, just extra helpings of fillings served in jam jars or spread out over the bodies of the luscious young. Bread is filler, ballast, stodge. I wish we could be free from it. In heaven there are no baps.

My Mum once went into a bakery that sold Tiger Baps and asked for a Leopard Bun.

It’s raining today and I don’t want to get up. I am become bed. I want to be behind a boiler, the kind that wears a red-and-white Puffa jacket, where there is always a dead wasp and the smell of dry heat and hot dust. It is a day for hiding, for nesting, for making dens. It is cold as well. I am wearing my fur coat inside out, the pelt against my skin. This summer I will make a dress from bumblebee skins, and I will be the toast of high society.

Busting Out All Over

It’s here, for now – sky the colour of hyacinths, crocuses in the grass, heat on the back of your neck and, of course, the obligatory twat with a massive sound system and a love of techno music. Twelve ‘o clock and it’s Radio Wanker. My brother and the Lover of Horses are playing football in the garden. I am cloistered up here, as though I have been walled in and left to die. I can’t complain though, I am having a high old time, smoking and drinking coffee and writing bloody murders. The muse has finally opened her legs for me, the slut.

A bee came in before. One once stung my mother. They are the Columbos of the insect world, they make you think they are all bumbling and affable and then they turn around at the door and POW! They sting you. And then they die. Which is, I suppose, where the analogy ends.

I will sit here until my lover comes home and then he and I, his brother, my brother and the Lover of Horses will all sit down together in the room with too much furniture and we will drink cheap wine and cheaper beer and tell jokes in poor taste until dawn. Or at least until midnight – we’re getting older every day, you know.