Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Finale!!!

Can you believe it's finally here?  Aubrey and I are about to post the final bachelorette post.  So get ready for the most dramatic blog post of the summer. (Chris Harrison told me I could say that even if I really meant "boring")

Des says she wants to go home, and Chris H. (for Host or Harrison, you decide!) says he understands, but gently reminds her that according to her contract she has to stay.  They cut that part out.

Chris says how much she chooses to share with the remaining two men is up to her.  Actually it's up to ABC.  Nice try though. (Hint: Tell them everything now so it's not a surprise later!)

Chris explains to the remaining men that "Brooks is not with us."  The men aren't sure if he left or if he died. 

I'm pretty sure I want to skip over the Bachelor Nation weighing in.  I read twitter, I don't think they can say anything I haven't heard.  Skip.

Des breaks up with Drew and. . . what else is there?  Does she run away with Chris?

Des is glad she didn't walk away and give up on love.  Leaving the show is "giving up on love"?   Someone should tell Des how everyone else falls in love.

Des: All of the poems?  No!  (I feel the same way, Des.)

Des's father asks "Why should Desiree choose you?"
Chris: Why?  Because I'm the only guy left. . . and I write horrible poems.

Des was unsure that she wanted her brother there.   But that was a requirement for her being signed as the Bachelorette so she allowed it.

Des might be "listening" to her brother's advice, but she really looks like she wants to punch him in the face.

Chris H. says: It could be the greatest day of her life or it could be the worst.
One thing I love about Chris H is that he's never extreme.

And as I watch the proposal, I have to say that despite this being an incredibly boring season it has wrapped up and ended in a way that I find sincere and moving.

They always do.

And for the final time, here's Aubrey and what she has to say!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Finale Part 1

Only one week left after today!  What are Aubrey and I going to blog about when this is over???

Here we go guys, the most dramatic finale ever.  Who do you think will leave Des in tears?  They sure edited it to look like Brooks, but I think they're trying to trick us.  Except they know that by now we have learned their ways and so they are telling the truth thinking we'll expect a trick! (They don't know that we know they know we know!)  So yeah, I think about this too much.

So of course we recap Des's feelings for all the guys and she still seems the most interested in Brooks.

Des says about Brooks: He doesn't have to say that its love for me to know.
Wow, the things we women tell ourselves when we want so badly for something to be true.

Drew's Date
Drew: She's the woman of my dreams and Antigua is like heaven.
Does he know he only gets the girl at the end?  I mean, she doesn't live here.

Des: It started to rain on our dinner.  It's not about the dinner or where the dinner is.
I'm suddenly hungry, despite just finishing my food.

Drew says: Look at the rose petals.
And I have to wonder, has he ever seen this show before?
#TheyAllHaveRosePetals

Brooks visits family
Brooks says proposing at the end of this makes him uncomfortable.  You're kidding me.  Proposing a life long commitment at the end of a ten week reality show makes you uncomfortable?  Geeze Brooks welcome to the 2000s.

Chris's Date
Des's fringe vest and pants makes her look like a hippie.  Who wears a bikini top with pants?  Is it cold, is it hot?  Are you hiking through brush later?

What animal is making this horrible sound during dinner?!  Good heavens can we not edit that out???

Des makes Chris feel vibrant and feel alive.  She makes him feel like a natural woman.

Poetry, yes, I've been waiting for this moment.  In my nightmares.

Brooks
Des says she's going to take advantage of her time with Brooks today.  Just remove the words "her time with" out of that sentence and it will probably portray her true feelings more accurately.  

Does Chris Harrison have a degree in relationship therapy?  He should get one.

Whoa, Chris just brings up Brooks's parent's divorce.  Way to pull out the big guns.

Hey!  Editors!  Did we have to see this much of the Brooks/Chris Harrison chat?  I feel like they're saying the same things over and over.

Des says she hasn't been in love in quite a while.  How long ago was Sean's season again?

My guess?  He changes his mind shortly after this but they can't show it until next week.

Or I don't know, maybe that's my hope.

As always, check out what Aubrey has to say about tonight's episode.  Was it really that dramatic????

*     *     *

I'm also over at my friend Suzzie's blog today!  We met at my first blogging round table and I have loved reading her blog ever since.

Oh shoot guys, I'm going to have to change the date for our "Easy as PB&J" link up.  I wrote that blurb on the bottom of last Wednesday's post anticipating a conversation with my friend Tiffanie, but we haven't worked out all the details yet.  So hold on to your lunch idea posts!  I will give more info soon!!!!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week Men Tell All

Here we go blogging the bach again!  Aubrey told me she's mixing up her post this week.  I don't know what that means, but I'm excited to check it out!

I'm kind of unsure how this post will shake out since it's Men Tell All, but let's just jump in and see how it goes, shall we?

Chris welcomes us all to the show and manages to use pretty much every vocab word from my Bachelor vocabulary list (here). 

Fun to see some of my favorite girls back!  Emily!  Ali (she was my favorite on Jake's season) and Ashley!

Yes, Ali, Ben never seemed that bad to me either.  But we need our drama and this season has been seriously lacking, so we make things up. 

Ah Jonathan, he acted poorly and I'm sure that it has been rubbed in his face a lot since the show aired. I'm thinking his apology here is sincere, but also a strategic move to fix his reputation.

With all these flash backs there isn't much to say that I didn't already say in my original posts.

Okay so booing Ben?  That's just so dumb.  Are you in jr high?  Yeah, they probably just tape this in a jr high auditorium for one of their assemblies. 

Mikey the meat head, he uses some seriously great vocabulary.  #MaybeNotAMeatHeadAfterAll

I think I need to add "I'm not here to make friends" to my Bachelor vocabulary list.  The "bad guys" always say it.

I can't wait to hear the story about Mikey and James hanging out in Chicago with tall women.  Again.

I just love the boys sitting on their twin beds having slumber party gossip about James.  And then Drew is going to talk about maturity? 

Look, we're not ever going to know who said what about what tall women.  Des is probably going to be single again in three months anyway so this is a moot point. (Trivia: a moo point.  Who says that?)

I know it's a little late, but I've become a big Juan Pablo fan.  Next bachelor maybe?  He says it's very hard to date when you have a daughter.  I have a feeling that this will no long be the case, Juan Pab. 

I like him so much now.  ABC, if you can get this happily married woman excited about another guy (not like that, sheesh) you should make him the next Bachelor.  Seriously, please, this show is dying!

Ooh, Chris has the journal.  Does this mean Des is having Chris return it for her?  And the poem?  Did Des know Zak was a poet?  Maybe that would have changed things.  Oh listen to me, I'm going against everything I stand for!  Nothing would have changed it, you love who you love.

Having to face a bunch of ex boyfriends would be my own personal hell.  But if you got them all together in a room there would only be like two.  Still, it would be awful.  

Juan wants to know why didn't get a one on Juan date.  Probably because she was too busy sketching to worry about brushing up on her high school Spanish.

Zak!  Juan!  Two great options for bachelors.  ABC, are you listening!!?!?!!

Well, Zak will not have a hard time finding love after this.  Or a music career.

When they show the "dramatic" finale I love the stunned faces in the audience.  This is clearly the first season of the Bachelor/ette they have ever seen.  Us veterans are like, "is that all ya got?"

Woop woop, only two more weeks!  I'm off to read Aubrey now (well, not now because it's 9pm on Monday and I'm sure she hasn't posted it yet, but now as in this moment in which you are reading it)

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 8

Hometowns this week!!!  Aubrey and I both live in Salt Lake so to say we're excited about a potential hometown in our own hometown would be an understatement!  Let's hope that Brooks doesn't let us down like Jef did and take Des to a hidden family ranch in another city.

Zak's Hometown
You can tell from Des's excited face/voice that she has no idea what Zak is describing from his dream.  No one does, Des, no one does.

Zak drives a snow cone truck?????  I just fell in love with him. 

Oh dear, the penguine is cute from my safe chair in my living room, but masks scare the freaking heck out of me in person.  I would have had a melt down right in front of the kids.

Zak is more tan (tanner?) than his sister.  #orange

I love that they're actually eating.  I feel like we never see them actually eat dinner!

I can't help but think his family is hoping to get a reality TV show out of this when they start singing like the Von Trapps.

Zak gave a journal and now the locket with the ring!?!?!  He's like the best gift giving boyfriend ever. (Sorry babe)

And THAT is going to be a hard date to top my friends.

Drew's Hometown
Drew says his family has never seen him like this before.  I'm assuming it's because he usually dates men.  (Sorry!  I've been thinking it for so long, I couldn't not say it any longer!)

The sweetness of Des meeting Melissa brings tears to my eyes.

Ever since Sean's hometown with Emily, nieces and nephews are trying to get famous.  Drew's are cute though.

He hasn't said those "three magical words in that order" yet.  He has said "Love you I" and "You I love" but we all know that isn't the same.

Drew's "I love you" is one of the less awkward I love yous of the season. (I'm looking at you, Chris)

Drew says next time he sees his family he will be an engaged man.  I think he meant he would be engaged to a man.  (Sorry last one I promise!!)

Chris's Hometown
Chris should wear baseball Ts more often.  This is the first time I have found him attractive.

His dad starts spouting poetry.  So it runs in the family I see.

OMG, I would marry into a family with a chiropractor.  I don't know why everyone thinks this is weird. 

Chris says he can see himself with her.  That's because he photo shopped their pictures together on his computer.

Chris tells his mom, It's not the real world, but we hug.  I don't have anything to say about this, it was just a weird comment is all.

Brooks's Hometown
Here's where Adam (my husband) made a smoothie.  No DVR means I missed this part, so I hope it wasn't important!

So, Brooks has wine?  I thought his family was Mormon?  Maybe it's just for him and Des.

All my excitement and I miss it all because of a smoothie!  (Just kidding I saw most of it I just didn't have much to say about it.  Oops)

Back in LA/Rose Ceremony
Des's brother just seems like a jerk.  She can say he has her best interest at heart all she wants, but it sure looks like he's just playing up his own insecurities.

Eek!  I honestly have no idea who she's going to send home.  The Bachelorette rarely surprises me, so well played ABC, well played.

Des says there's nothing holding me back from finding my husband, and we see her brother creepily peering around a corner.  This is starting to look like a murder mystery.

Break ups are so draining.  I can't imagine doing so many in such a short period of time.

Roses go to:
Brooks
Chris
Drew

Going home: Zak.  I'm floored.  I guess of all the guys they maybe had a lesser connection, but his hometown date was just SO AWESOME.  Zak, are you confused?  I'm right there with you bro.

I'm excited to see what Aubrey said!  Go check her out too!!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 7

I had to remind myself I was excited to watch this week.  But like I told Aubrey last week, previews always look more interesting than they are.  I'd hate to find out that all the drama is about a sandwich.

Drew confirms that this is a place for falling in love, which leaves us all breathing a sigh of relief!  Maybe someone could provide us with a list of places that aren't good for falling in love, you know just so we can avoid them.

Catherine passes on Sean's good wishes and Des says "that's so nice."  Which roughly translated means "I hate his guts" in ex girlfriend.

1x1 Brooks
I've noticed that Brooks hasn't had the traditional freak out that most first one on oners have.  That bodes well for him I think.

Des wants to see where he's at, and let him know where she is.  I think they're going to look at maps.

Just waiting for someone to say "cloud nine".  Op!  There it is.

Back at the hotel Chris smells the envelope as if Des actually delivered it herself.  Silly boy, Des probably didn't even choose the words and that certainly isn't her handwriting. 

They've shown close ups on several cats.  Is that something Madeira is known for or. . . ?

There's cloud nine again.

I really hope Aubrey is counting the times they use the word "family" in this conversation about hometowns.  On that note, I'm glad no one sits around and counts my words.  I probably say "freak" and "dude" a lot more than I care to admit.

1x1 Chris
Chris is really really really excited.  I think it would be fin to buy the bachelor/ette contestants a thesaurus next season instead of jewel toned hoodies. 

I'm remembering when I rode a boat to a smaller island on my honeymoon, and how it was nothing like this.  Mostly I got sprayed with water and a little sea sick.

They write a poem and Chris says, "It's not too bad." Chris, it's not too good either.

They throw the bottle out into the waves.  No one burst their bubble, but I can almost guarantee you that bottle smashed on the jagged rocks with in fifteen minutes.

Des: I want like three kids.  I don't have a number on it.
Even Olivia (my two-year-old) knows three is a number.

More poetry.  Ugh.  You know what?  Chris has to be the one she picks in the end because other wise his cheesy poetry would have gotten him sent home weeks ago.  You remember this?  Watch it.  It's pretty intense stuff.


1x1 Michael G
Do we still have to call him Michael G now that Mikey is gone?  Probably not.

Des is embarrassed to say that they are exploring the city.  It's easily the third "exploring" date of the season.  So she says they're going to take in the culture and take in everything Madeira has to offer.  But then yeah, she admits it's basically exploring.

Micheal looks like his mom scrubbed him up and dressed him for church in seersucker.  He seems to be missing his bow tie though.

Des makes Michael feel like he can love again.  I've seen this movie before.

2x1 Zak and Drew
Zak says he's ready to race.  And I'm wondering how much money he spends on whitening his teeth each month.

It's a race!  (name that movie)

Drew continues to remind us he's never felt this way before.  He's like 90% sure it's love, but there's always the chance it could be something he ate.

Zak says he doesn't know where he would meet the next girl if Des doesn't choose him.  I suggest twitter.

Discussion with Chris Harrison/Rose Ceremony
Chris points out that Des has never been to Europe AGAIN.  He might as well say, "You grew up really poor." (I'm not saying you're poor if you've never been to Europe, but they just like to keep pointing that out this season, ya know.  For the record, I have never been to Europe.)

So there is like ten minutes of this show left and no drama.  What were we seeing on the previews last week?  Will it all go down during these last ten minutes?

Des hands out the roses, no one cries, Michael is very understanding and quite the gentleman. . . did Olivia step on the remote and change the channel?  I don't think this is the Bachelorette.

Next week, hometowns!  Only two of my four picks will be making it, Zak and Brooks.  Aubrey did better and she has three of her picks making it, Brooks, Drew and Chris.  Dang it, I knew Chris would go far I just didn't want to admit it!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 6

Week 6 already?  This season is just flying crawling by.  Aubrey was a champ to let me change the post to Wednesday again, since we were driving home on Monday evening from California.  Next week she'll be flying to (or home from?) California!  So look for our posts on Wednesday again :)

Des says Barcelona is the perfect place to fall in love.  Wasn't Munich the perfect place to fall in love? 

Michael G says who ever is on the date with Des needs to tell her about James's evil plot.  He's better hope it's not him, because he's one tattle away from a flight back home.

1x1 with Drew
Drew tells Des about his father's struggle with alcoholism and cancer.  While I truly feel for Drew, I can't help but wonder what Des told casting about the type of guy she goes for. "Just make sure they have like a really horrible home life because I like fixing broken people." 

Drew and Des go through a tiny door in an alley way and Drew says, "It's just the two of us." And all the guys with the cameras and all the people telling us what to say.

Drew grabs Des and they run through the streets away from the cameras.  Suddenly it's like I'm watching a real life Truman Show as they try to escape from this horrible fake dating life they've been living. . .

Perfect timing with the James information.  Wait until you have a rose for sure, and then tattle on the boys in the house.  Michael G all the boys should learn from this. 

Group Date
Des's green top is hurting my eyes.

When the guys all start singing Ole! all together I feel like they are boys at summer camp.

Juan Pablo.  Ah, that guys makes me laugh.  She's athletic and looks fantastic so she's perfect for me.  Few American men would admit that, but most would probably think it. 

The boys sure are using the word "we" a lot.  We scored, we're going to win.  I think they need to replace "we" with "Juan Pablo".

James is a terrible goalie.  He's not even TRYING.  I mean, standing still his huge body blocks like half the net, he wouldn't have to move that much.

The guys confront James, but I'm bored and start reading some blogs, so I miss it, but I'm sure it was like every other bachelor confrontation ever.

So we're back from commercial and James is trying to explain why he said what he said aaaaaaaaand all he does is use the words "one on one date" like a thousand times and I have no idea what his point it.

I kind of can't wait to see what the guys say when James comes walking in the door and the end of the night.

1x1 with Zak
Zak's face when the nude model came in was awesome.  It's hard to say funny things about this date because Zak is already so funny.

"We're in a cave on a couch with candle light and it's just Des and I. . . " Zak just described like 50% of the bachelor hangout spots (the other 50% are blankets and pillows on sand, but they also include candle light)

Des asks Zak, "How was your childhood?"  I think she wants to know who messed him up and how he recovered from it.  Seems to be a theme with her type.

Meanwhile, back at the house James goes to talk to Drew and I'm worried for Drew's safety.

James and Des talk on the stairs and he sounds like a kid explaining his actions and ending with, "I've learned my lesson and my guilt is punishment enough.  Right?"  Wrong James.  Wrong.

Okay, so honestly.  This guy cheated on his college girlfriend.  And now this.  Why is this the hardest decision you've ever made????

The boys look over the ledge and see them cuddling.  Drew throws up in his mouth.

James comes back into the room and. . . you know what?  Something that has been bugging me, have you ever seen four guys cram onto one couch when they don't even want to be in the same room together?  Is this how they sit, hour after hour while they wait for their turn to see Des?

Gah!  Stop talking about this!  If Des picks James over you then what does that say about you?  Move on and focus on yourself.  Michael G should have learned this lesson by now. 

Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison explains everything, who has roses, etc.  "I know you guys have just done the math," he says.  And yet he's going to remind us anyway.  Three roses remain.

Roses go to:
Drew (on his date)
Zak (on his date)
Chris
Brooks (duh)
and I know at this point my final four is broken because Kasey and Michael cannot both get a rose since there is only one left (Chris Harrison, I could have figured that out alone, but thank you for not making me)
Michael G

Bye bye:
Juan Pablo
James
#Kasey

I'm super interested to hear what Aubrey has to say because I struggled with writing this post!

Wanna watch the bachelorette with me? Week 5

Welcome to Kimberly and Aubrey Bachelorette thoughts!  Sorry we're a day later than usual.  It's my fault because I'm on VAY-CAY!  Just kidding, I don't really call it that.  I just say vacation like a normal person.

I watch the Bachelorette on Tuesday night, but I didn't read any tweets or blog posts about it.  So if what I wrote sounds like what you wrote, I promise I didn't steal it.  It's just that great minds thing going on. . .

So here we are in Munich Germany.  Des says Munich is so romantic.  What happened to the actual romantic cities, like Paris and Rome?  When it comes to the Bachelorette, they just throw that word around so willy nilly.

I feel like learning those phrases in German was like one of the hardest parts of Chris Harrison's job.

Date with Chris
Bryden's going to go home.  Is he going to interrupt the date???  That is rude, no matter what your reasons are.  I'm sure the producers put him up to this.  Don't lead her on for another second! they say.  They are WRONG.

Chris says he feels comfortable in short shorts and a lederhosen.  Oooooo kay. . .

Chris says, I don't think anything can go wrong.  Never say this on the Bachelorette!  Foreshadowing!!!

I love the dramatic music while Bryden is talking to Des so that way I know what I'm supposed to feel.

I'm liking Chris more during this date.  Looks like Aubrey was right and I was wrong. . . (check out Aubrey's top four at the end of this post and my top four here)

Des asks, What are you looking for?
Probably not a nanny for his kids, because this isn't Super Nanny.  It's the Bachelorette, sooooo, my guess is he's looking for a wife.

Chris is about to read her something.  Inwardly I gag.  I don't do romance.  I'm like a third grade boy in that way.

Chris says, You can get a lot from a kiss.
Yeah, like a cold sore.

There's more tonight than just dinner.  Private concert?  More private concerts this season than helicopters.

Group Date
Juan Pablo trying to say yoddler was awesome!

James says love is like sledding down a hill.  Because you push off and let yourself go.  It's like he's trying to write a college essay or something. 

Des says this is the happiest place on earth.  Since ABC is owned by Disney, I'm surprised that made it on to the show.  Actually, don't tell me you didn't think of Disneyland when she said that.  Maybe it was the smartest advertising ever. . .

We didn't see any one on one time with Des and Juan Pablo.  Probably because they didn't talk.

Two on One Date
Des suggests a polar bear plunge.  Neither of the guys dares to test the water, so she does it for them.  Send 'em both home! 

Michael uses his robe tie around his head.  Thus looking cool while at the same time allowing his robe to flap in the wind and show off his abs.  It's a win win, really.

This date is so uncomfortable I can't think of anything funny to say!

The boys back at home call James a fraud.  They know better!  They can't say that, they have to use the whole phrase "not here for the right reasons."  It's in their contract.

Des says she giving the rose to the one she can see a potential future with.  And with that being said, she calls for the dog, "Here boy, here boy."  No actually she gives it to Michael.  So my final four still stands!  Whew!  I was getting nervous.

Ben says this is the worst day of his life.  I believe him.  It's also the worst date of my life, and all I did was watch it.

Rose Ceremony
Drew seems to be experiencing a heart attack, because keeping James would be like the worst thing ever.

Roses go to: Zak attack, #Kasey, Pablo de Juan, Baby Jake Pavelka (aka Drew), and James the cancer.

Going home: Mikey the non meat head.  And Ben and Bryden as well.

Mikey says she missed out on a life with him of love and happiness.  He doesn't say spaghetti, but I bet there would be a lot of that too.  #mafia

Go check out Aubrey (which is what I'm about to do!) Until next week friends! 

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 4

Once again Aubrey and I are bringing you our life changing thoughts about the Bachelorette!  So much fun, we actually got together to watch it IRL!  And she brought snacks, so Adam thinks she's awesome.

Brad 1x1
Was there nothing good during the carnival portion of the date, or were my kids being crazier than normal and I missed it?

Check out this sand castle.  Best make out zone ever!

Aaaand boringest convo ever.

Des: I absolutely loved every single moment (except for the moments I didn't like so NO ROSE FOR YOU!)

Brad: I just want this to be the right decision for her. 
Finally, this guy knows what's up.  Not every person is going to be a perfect match.


Group Date
Michael G says he grew up dreaming of being Mr. America.  Please say he's being sarcastic and I just can't tell. 

The mayor is judging this pageant?!?!?!  Your tax dollars hard at work here.

I love that Brooks chose a lion as the animal he would be (no hesitation!)  I imagine his inner dialogue: What animal has the best hair. . .

Mikey T very eloquently states that he is not a meat head. There is more to him than just his body.  He has insides.

Kasey #tapdance

Mikey T does everything he can to prove that he's a meat head during the talent portion.

Zak is the only guy with a real talent.

Mikey T flexes during the swimsuit competition to he can prove again that he's a meat head. 

Brooks, 2nd runner up
Zak, 1st runner up (Zak!  I was a first runner up in my pageant too!  Solidarity man!)
Kasey #mramerica

Chris says, I write poetry
Des says, I do that!
Chris is thinking: I know, I stalked your facebook page.

James 1x1
While I'm all for giving service, this might possibly be the most depressing date ever.

Finally a couple that actually deserves a fairytale date!

And now we're watching what the bachelor would look like if they had a senior version.

Des: The fact that James is so honest. . . (um, he cheated?  Is that being honest???)

Private concert are the new helicopters.

Apparently admitting that you made a horrible decision makes you trustworthy.

Cocktail Party/Rose ceremony 
Michael G is giving her papers with letters on them as he compliments her.  Des says, Oh thank you!  A letter on a paper.  She's so good at being fake excited/interested.

Chris is not my fav, but it looks like he'll be here for a while.

Bryden is having a hard time with the situation?  Once again, people watch the show before you come.  Know what to expect!!

Going home:
Brad (during his 1x1 date)
Zack K.

All in all, I felt like the editing of this episode was really odd.  We didn't get much conversation time between Des and any of the guys.  Is it just me???

So Aubrey and I made our guesses for the hometown dates!  I'm posting hers, she's posting mine.  So head over to Aubrey's blog to see my picks!

Aubrey's Top 4
Drew, underdog
Brooks, because a SLC hometown. Plus their "amazing connection!"
Chris, not because I want him, but because I think he'll get a hometown
Kasey, because I can't pick a #4 and I'm obsessed with social media (aren't we all Aubrey???) #wildcard

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 3

Once again Aubrey and I are bringing to you our deep thoughts about the Bachelorette!

Love is a Battlefield
So they go on this date to play dodge ball and the winning team gets more time with Des.  Yawn.

Brooks has a hurt finger and suddenly Des is all "I didn't want anyone to get hurt"  Apparently she missed 5th grade PE.  You can't play dodge ball without someone getting hurt.  Add to that that these are grown men, competing for a girl.  Pretty sure they expected (dare I say hoped?) for this.  Drama.

Des pulls a Lowe and brings all the guys.

Brooks has an out of body experience over a broken finger.

Chris says, I think I might get the rose.  Enter Brooks.  Cue music for a kid who just learned to walk again.

But Des proved me wrong.  Chris does get the rose!  And they go to a . . . drum roll please. . . PRIVATE CONCERT.  Did not see this coming.  

Of course they let the other guys watch from above.  Not weird at.all.

Kasey's One on One
Kasey: Nothing can ruin our day!!  Fore shadowing.

Yadda yadda, a scene that seems totally scripted with Brian.

Kasey gets to now play the knight in shining armor (although not literally.  I think we all know how that went down) and be there for her after Brian destroys her faith in men.

As they dance on the building Kasey says it feels like sharing a moment that no one else will share.  Well Kasey, that isn't just what it feels like, that is actually what it is!

But sadly the date isn't going good.  So the wind starts blowing.  We see the rose blow ominously in the wind.

Oh no!  The pool is freezing.  This date is horrible!  No one has ever had such a bad experience in their life!  Growing up in a tent was cake compared to this date.

Just seconds after she tells the cameras what an awful day she's had, she tells Kasey she's giving him the rose because they had such a great date.  Lies!

Stage Coach Date
Another competition.  Des drank goats milk for Sean and she has not forgotten and she is not going to let anyone off easy.

Suddenly Des is in a totally different dress.  Why not?  This is a fairytale, so why not?

Juan Pablo wins because he can speak Spanish.  But if he can't say "I'm here for the right reasons" in English it's clear this relationship isn't going to work.

And now they get to watch the movie in what looks like the most uncomfortable movie chair ever.

Des talks about the movie and suddenly we're watching a commercial for the Lone Ranger.

I like Zac W.  What the heck.  Shirtless guy?  You were supposed to be a jerk after that!

James seems like he's here for a job interview, not a dating show.  He's nice, but I just don't feel it.  Okay, he just pulled the daisy stunt.  I change my mind.  That was cute.

Pool Party/Rose Ceremony
Do bachelorettes get their makeup tatooed on?  It never seems to run off when they hop in the pool.

Ben looks like a five-year-old when he lies about not having time with her yet.

And Brandon explains the whole issue with this style of dating show.  There isn't much else to think about other than the girl/guy in question.  Making every thing way more intense than it would ever be in real life.

If Des has to say "Will you accept this rose?" to Juan Pablo in Spanish, will they be able to communicate on a daily basis???

Seriously there are still some guys I don't recognize.

Going home:
Brandon (poor guy!)
Dan.  I caught his name when Chris Harrison said it, but otherwise I would not have known who he was!

Brandon is in love with Des???  Good grief, go home and meet a girl the normal way.  Chill out.  You've known her for three weeks and you weren't even exclusive!  It's just. . . annoying.

Okay I'm done.  Go check out Aubrey! 

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 2

Welcome back as Aubrey and I give you our thoughts while watching the Bachelorette!

I tuned it five minutes late.  I figured I could skip the "Tonight on the Bachelorette. . . " intro.  When turned on the TV at 7:05 they were just beginning the one on one with Brooks.

1 x 1 with Brooks
So Des isn't the kind of girl that will skip straight to the Fantasy Suite, but she will skip straight to the wedding.

I love that they take some pictures together in their wedding attire.  Maybe a little awkward if they end up married to other people, but I guess that's the joy of digital photos.

Des says about Brooks: When he falls in love, he falls in love.
I say about my husband: When he eats his dinner, he eats his dinner.  When he takes off his socks, he takes off his socks.  Is this how we play this game?

If I've said it once, I've said it before (or maybe I was just thinking it) I'm not sure a private concert would be my jam.  Too much pressure to act super enthused.

Des: Tonight sets the tone for the rest of my #journey.  Everyone take a drink (of lemonade.  I don't drink!  I'm a Mormon.)

Group Date
So they have the token black guy, Will, and he does yoga and can't dance to rap.  So they don't have a token black guy. . .

Brandon is playing Casey (Guard and protect your heart), and they kind of look a like to me?  Maybe not if I saw them side by side, but they have a similar vibe.

Later that night when Ben is kissing Des, they pan over to Brandon sitting in the shadows like a little creeper.  Yeah, that's weirding me out.

Ben gets the group date rose.  He says: I knew Des had feelings for me, and now everybody else does.
Me: Everybody else does what?  Have feelings for you?  Ego.

Road trip with Bryden
Des's hair in the convertable is making me want a brush.  Do you think she's getting it brushed out in between shots?  Probably.

As they pull into dinner the music swells.  I love how the music let's me know what I should be feeling at climactic moments during the show.

Cocktail Party/Rose Ceremony
Ben, Brooks and Bryden are safe. She obviously has something for the letter B.

There are some unspoken rules about the Bachelor/ette.  You don't steal time from someone when you already have a rose.  Or maybe that's the most spoken rule in all of Bachelor/ette history.

Usually I agree with the other house members about who they don't like, but honestly I don't understand why everyone hates Ben.  He's not my favorite, but I don't dislike him either.  Time will tell.

Chris Harrison takes the drama as a good sign. . . for the ratings and for his job security.

As she hangs out the roses, its clear that some of the guys are dang near tears.  I hate to say that there are other fish in the sea. . .

In the end we lose:
Baby Barack (token non black guy)
And two others I don't think I've ever seen before

Just once I'd like to hear an exit interview where the guy was like, "Dude, I've only known the chick for two weeks!  Life goes on."  But no, they put something in the water champagne on this show that makes them fall in love way to quickly.

And once again, check out my girl Aubrey for her bach-cap.

Wanna Watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 1

Last time I started writing about Emily's season I got seriously bad morning sickness three weeks in and pretty much abandoned my blog. And then Sean's season of the Bachelor Axel was born so I didn't even try to blog about that one. So I'm super excited for blogging about it Desiree's season!

Also, one of my new blogger friends, Aubrey, from the 30x30 challenge has decided to cover it with me! 

So, like last time, this will be what I wish I could say to you if we were watching it together.  Not so much a recap as the witty remarks that will make you chuckle.  It's like live tweeting, only not live and no character limit.

Okay, right off the bat I have to say, last Bachelorette we had Emily and her tragic loss of Ricki's dad.  Now we have Des and her humble beginnings.  We sure like our Bachelorettes to be underdogs, don't we???

A little about a few of the 25 guys
Will from Chicago.  Is it just me or does he look like a little Barack?  And he's from Chicago!  See, Baby Barack.  Free high fives?  Dang it!  I wish I was there, because I am so sick of paying good money for high fives all the time.

A professional magician?  I would rather date Gob.   I what to know how he feels about the word "trick".  (Hint: It's an illusion!)

Dudes getting out of the limo
Okay, so it's clearly getting harder and harder to be original when getting out of the limo.  That being said, these guys sure gave it their best shot!  (or worst?)

Social Media (I'm now calling him Hashtag) says #LetTheJourneyBegin #IAlwaysTalkInHastags

Baby Barack is nick naming her Athena.  I hope she nick names him Baby Barack.  And I hope that he's republican.

Loyalty is an intense dude.  But he seems cool.

Knight in shining armor looks pale.  I think he's going to throw up.

Tie-my-shoe guy, that was pretty good.

Brandon shows up on the motorcycle.  It's no helicopter, but it could still be pretentious.

Oh man, the dad!  I'm such a sucker right now.  I hope he wasn't adopted just for this show.


Cocktail Party
Hashtag says #IWantARose. I guess he really does talk like that!

Des: It really means a lot to me, I've been in your shoes.  I know you had to take time away from family and friends and from work, and I've been in your shoes!
Um, is she drunk already?

Magician guy knows his Arrested Development.  He steered clear of the word "trick".  I am impressed.

Larry wants to talk about the failed "dip".  And then he just stares at her until she asks if he's tired.  He's not.

Fantasy Suite does not give up.  I've known guys like him.  They should lay low and come on less strong, but they keep coming, stronger each time.  Des probably wasn't too sad to see him go.  My two favorite quotes from him?
"I have no filter."  That is not a desirable characteristic in the person you plan to have witness you give birth (your husband)
"My mom says I'm good looking."  You'd be better off saying, "I think I'm good looking". 

Now that Larry is talking to the guys about how he's #2 on the list of people to go, right after Fantasy Suite, he's quite funny!  Too bad he was too busy being creepy to be himself and show Des how funny he can be.

And here comes Hashtag to punctuate the moment with #FantasySuiteFailJonathan

With the rose ceremony looming, Brandon takes a moment to share with the camera why he hopes to get a rose. "This path I've been on for the past 26 years. . . "  Most people call that path life.  And the point of your path is to meet Des on this show???  Time to find a new path dude.  (To be honest I remember these guys for such a short time during the first episode so I don't know if he got a rose or not)

In the end we say good bye to:
Dreamy McSteamy (I'm guessing because I didn't see a guy in a lab coat get a rose)
Suit of Armor (poor guy)
Makes His Own Suit
Larry the Lover Creeper
The Magician
And of course, Fantasy Suite

Larry leaves us with a small golden nugget as he explains practicing his move.  "Of the 50 people I dipped. . . " I sure hope "dip" isn't a euphemism. 

And that concludes week 1, never my favorite.  It's only going to get better from here folks.

Don't forget to check out Aubrey's post as well!

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? (week 4)

Sorry I missed week three!  Last week was crazy.  Speaking of which, the ending to my worst date story is coming tomorrow.  Probably not a good idea to write a post without an ending right before the busiest week of the year. . . So anyway, Bachelorette!

This week they're going to Bermuda.  What happened to staying close to home so Emily could  be with her daughter?  Oh never mind, she brought her with. 

Ooh Emily, Bermuda while your pregnant?  Doesn't get much hotter than that!  No seriously, I was always roasting hot when I was pregnant.

And Doug gets the first one on one.  He's so nervous, he starts swearing.  Everyone is laughing.  This is the most drama you'll see with the men.  They aren't as fun to watch as the women, are they?  I will say this, I don't know if Doug had brothers.  One thing you learn about brothers is that the more upset you get the more the try to bug you.  Let it go Doug, let it go.

Foster kid, single dad starts a charity?  Like Emily said, of course you did.  Is Doug to good to be true?

Wow, what is up with that dress.  Sorry, I'm not a fan of giant sparkly butterflies.

Emily: You're not perfect?
Doug: No. (but I'm pretty close, right?  Right?)

And Doug gets a rose.  Shocker.

Group Date: 
The boys have to win a boat race to hang out with Emily that night.  I'm pretty sure this is what the boys did on Ashley's season, except they had to paddle.  These boys don't know how good they have it!

Ryan: (as the other team pulls ahead) I don't even understand this.
Me: You don't understand what?  Losing?  You poor baby.

But in the end, Ryan and his team actually do win.  I'm bummed I don't get to see more time with Emily and Sean.  But I'm not worried about him going home.

 Ryan is being a jerk, and suddenly I'm wondering where Kalon is.  What will he do if he doesn't get a date again this week?  I can't wait.

Jef, so simple and sweet.  I like you and I wanna be with you.  And then awkward time when they should have kissed.
Jef: Should we go back?
Me: NOOOOO!  Jef!  Who says that???

Oh!  Kalon is here.  And Ryan too.  Two jerks on one date.  Killing two birds with one stone?

Ryan: I'm not here to impress you, but to make an impression on you.
Me: What does that mean??  Words words words, I'm pretty sure they mean the same thing.

Did Ryan really just call her a bad example?  Kind of rude. 

Group date rose: My guess is Arie or Jef.  JEF!!  Good job holding out with the virgin lips, leave 'em wanting more.

Two on one date.  The most demonic thing ABC could come up with.

I think its weird that she's holding hands with both of them as they walk into the cave.

In the event of a cave in, Emily will have to chose who to eat and who to marry.

What is it about this girl that makes boys want to open up and cry?  And there seems to be a trend of criers = going home. 

Cocktail Party

I only have one thing to say: What the heck was up with Chris???  Doug was right, that was immature.

Rose Ceremony

I predict the two going home will be Alejandro and Long Hairs.

I was right about Long Hairs, but Charlie!  I did not see that coming!  Poor guy. 

My picks for the final four are Sean, Arie, Jef and ???  I'm not sure yet. 

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 2

Let's just jump in, shall we?

Ryan's Date:

Emily's first date with Ryan kinda left me yawning.  I did not feel any chemistry between these two.  The best part of their date was when Emily said "But obviously I'll really be in charge."  That was the first comment I've heard from her that wasn't so syrupy sweet.  Why wouldn't Ryan answer the question???  How will he keep the romance alive once he's got the girl???  I'm not really a fan.

Why do the Bachelors always go on these private concert dates?  I can't think of anything more awkward than dancing while the band watches your every move.  But this time?  Even worse with all those "friends and family" of Emily's taking a million pictures with their iPhones.  Its the reason I made everyone else dance with me at my wedding.

Group Date

Kalon is annoying.  I'm not going to break down all his annoying comments.  I'm just not.

The "comedy" routine?  I don't know what Charlie was so scared of, he could not have done any worse than those two.  Maybe we didn't see the best part?  I have a feeling that we did.

"Roses are red, violets are blue.  Emily, I really want to get to know you." LAME.  I know, I know, you just came up with that on the spot.  But seriously, way to play it safe.

Jef: I think this was the best talk I've had with her yet.
Me: Out of how many?  TWO??? 

I do want to comment on one Kalon moment. 
Kalon: (in regards to getting interrupted by other guys) I'm a little more eloquent--and then I go gossip about it like a girl.

Joe's Date

So first off, I notice this guys eye brows are. . . too perfect?  I'm cool with a guy cleaning up his face a little, but be careful you don't look like my Ken doll.

And honestly that's all I've got for that one. 

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

When Dad #2 is talking to Emily, I have to laugh.  "I left him at home."  I guess it just seemed funny that he felt the need to emphasize that.

Oh Kalon, you remind me of a guy I went out with.  The only guy I ever refused to go out with again to his face.  "Mentally refreshed"?  Who says that???

There were some face in the rose ceremony that were new to me: Long hair (Michael) and 2 Studs (Alejandro)

In the end she sends Hipster Glasses home.  I want him to date my sister, but my husband says he's too old for her. 

Sean.  I like him.  My money is on Sean.  He'll lay low for a few episodes but then I bet they have a really great one on one and he at least makes it to hometowns.

Good grief I need a nap.  Yawn.

Wanna watch the Bachelorette with me? Week 1 (and a day late!)

I know this is late.  I just couldn't stay up until 10 to watch it.  But I hate watching it alone, all of my witty sarcasm and biting remarks going to waste.  So I pretended I was watching it with you!  And wrote down all obvious and mean things I would say about the show I love to hate.  Its like live tweeting only not live and I don't have a character limit.  Okay, here we go. . . 

Okay, ten seconds in I'm already freaking!  Hasn't anyone told Emily that releasing balloons into the air is dangerous!  They are going to pop in a forest and get eaten by a duck.  Its like she missed Earth Day in 2nd grade.

And how did I miss that she's 26!?!?!  I feel . . . old.

Emily: I can't go through this and fall in love and have it not work again.
Me: Girl!  Have you even seen this show before?!?!  Honey you have a better chance at finding love on the Biggest Loser.  Better bust out that ice cream.

How often do you think the tragic accident is going to be mentioned?  So far: 2 and I'm only 7 minutes in. . .

And Kalon has already claimed the "First day of the rest of my life" phrase.

David: I've written a lot of songs specifically about trying to find true love.
Me: Wow, that is so awesome.  No singer/songwriter has ever done that before.
David: Emily, Emily, Emily oh oh Emily. . .
Me: Great lyrics.  How do you come up with this stuff??

Oh great.  Jef.  Choosy Bachlorettes chose Jef.  All you have to do is say "Salt Lake City" and you know crazy is about to happen. 

AND JEF IS THE WINNER OF MY "FAIRY TALE" CONTEST.  I wondered if we would hear it much with 25 dudes instead of 25 girlies, but I knew someone would bust it out. 

*mention of Emily's ex-finance and the tragic accident

Emily: This could be the night that I meet my husband.
Me: Its like I already wrote this script for this show.

*mention of Emily's tragic story

And now the moment you've been waiting for you have to suffer through, Emily meeting the bachelors!!  They're all going to try and stand out with a stupid one liner.  Let's see what we got here: 

Jackson: Life is not about the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
Me: Oooookay, so how many times did you watch Hitch for tips on dating before coming on the show?

Aaron: I'm a high school biology teacher, but I'm here to have chemistry with you!
Emily: What do I say to that? "Awesome"

Did you see Emily do the don't-ever-touch-me-again shudder-shrug after Alessandro hugged her?  She did not look smitten.  Poor guy.

I'm starting to wonder if Jef is a BYU student just trying to complete an assignment for an acting class.  #doesntseemserious (hash tagging in blog posts is like the cool new thing to do)

Stevie comes dancing in.  He tells her he's a dancer/DJ/entertainer.  Sounds like a guy whose ready to settle down and be a dad.

Now we see Tony waltzing in with a glass slipper.  I am going to retract Jef as the winner of my fairy tale contest.  Wow.  Just seriously, wow.  And since you can't hear my voice, let me just tell you, not in a good way.

Oh my gosh, he's trying the shoe on her!  I hope it doesn't fit, I hope it doesn't fit. . . Dang it.

Some random bachelor: Feelings may get hurt down the road.
Me: What?  No!  No one ever gets hurt on this show.  You must be confused with Sesame Street.

The egg thing.  I can't decide if that's cute or creepy.  Time will tell.

Alejandro, I feel like there is going to be a language barrier here if you can't stick to English.

And now a cocktail party:

Emily: I don't know what I did to deserve all these wonderful guys!
Me: Oh honey, its nothing you did.

*Emily's fiance died in a plane crash.  This just in.

 Emily: I'm not the most athletic girl in the world.
Jef: That's way surprising.  It looks like you're really athletic.
Translation: You have a hot body.

Aparently single parenthood is the only thing you have to have in common to make a relationship work.  According to Doug.

Kalon: Of course I want the first impression rose.  My mom taught me first impression is everything, and fortunately I showed up in a helicopter.
Me: Well my first impression of you is that you borrowed your daddy's helicopter and that Luxury Brand Consultant probably isn't a real thing.
Oh wait, raised by a single mom.  My bad.  Still, not sure I'm a Kalon fan just yet.

Is there a rule that the bachelorette has to go with the person who asks if they can interrupt?  Because I would put the kabosh on that real quick if there wasn't.  Rude.

Unless I missed it, I think Arie was the first to use the "connection" word!!  Ding ding ding!

*And Arie slips in the fact that Emily's finance died.

Props to Emily for explaining her feelings about racing with out mentioning any tragedies.

Chris says he deserves the first impression rose???   What does that even mean? 

Insert Rose Ceremony Here

In the future I might care about the RCs a little more, but I don't have strong feelings yet so its just one more hoop to jump through.

Whoa!  Where did this Brent guy come from!?!? SIX KIDS. Musta missed it somehow.  But seriously dude, don't take it so personally.  This is not the only way to find love!  You are still a valid person!  I feel like everyone needs to be told this after not getting a rose.  Good grief.

Bachelor Vocabulary

I love watching The Bachelor.  A lot of people don't understand that.  I know these relationships aren't going to last, most of the time.  I do root for the girls/guys that seems good and sincere, even though they probably wont ever get married.  That being said, the main reason I love the show is to make fun of it.   I like to make fun of the strange things people say, they weird looks they make when they think no one is watching and I really like to laugh at the catch phrases that The Bachelor is known for.  If they aren't giving the contestants a list of words they have to work into every day conversation, I'm going to be VERY surprised.  So, if you're new to The Bachelor, here are some words and phrases you'll need to know.

Cocktail Party: All good parties have lots of alcohol, 25 girls and 1 guy. 

What did I do wrong?: It makes me sad when girls say this (usually after the first cocktail party) because love isn't about what you do or don't do, it's about who you are attracted too, and who compliments you as a person.

Date card: This is how the bachelor asks girls out.  No wonder he's had a hard time finding a wife off TV.

Fairy Tale: It's what all these girls are looking for.  It seems like these girls had a different version of Cinderella than I did, one where the prince handed out 15 glass slippers, and then slowly narrowed it down week by week until Cinderella received the last glass slipper.  See also: I'm ready to meet my prince charming

I'm ready to meet my prince charming: Do you remember that one season with a guy who actually was a prince?  A prince of like nothing. . . but still.  I have to wonder if this is where all the royalty/fairy tale talk originated.

Here for the right reason: At some point every one's sincerity will be questioned.  And it doesn't matter how compatible you are with the bachelor, or what values you have in common, most conversations will center around proving that you are, in fact, here for the right reasons.
 
We have a connection: Every one does, but who has the strongest connection?  Only one person knows, and his contract says he can't tell you until the season finale.

I don't want to get hurt: Then don't go on a show with 24 losers and one winner.  Odds are against you.

Most dramatic ___________ in bachelor history: Rose ceremony, finale, after the final rose, breakup, hairstyle, pick a random word and its probably been used in this sentence.  I wonder how hard Chris Harrison has to try not to laugh. 

Most controversial _____________ EVER: I'm going to need Chris Harrison to explain to me the difference between dramatic and controversial.  Maybe he just changes it up to keep things fresh, yeah right.

Ben refused to pose for this picture, so they had to use the wax statue of him from Madame Tussaud's.

Ladies, Ben, this is the final rose.  When you're ready.: Does Chris think we can't count to ONE???

If you didn't receive a rose take a moment, say your goodbyes.: Once again, thank you for stating the obvious.

I need her to open up to me: I'm not even going to touch this one. . .

I know my wife/husband is in this room: That's creepy.  What do they think of the 25 other women you've got hanging out in scandalous dresses?

__________ is the perfect place to fall in love: Fiji, Bora Bora, Switzerland, Detroit, Hell.  Does the location really matter?  Because if it does. . . you're going to have problems. 

Falling in love: You can't actually be in love until the final rose, I think its in their contract.  So until then, you can only be "falling" in love.

I didn't know it was going to be this hard: No matter how many bachelors/bachelorettes say this, you'll never know until you're there.

Journey: Mostly refers to the emotional journey, but it can also refer to the fact that they have major jet lag from being dragged across the world to at least five different countries.  You have to use this word at least three times during each of the last three episodes.

Did I miss any?