Once upon a time, Steve and I were invited to what we thought was a "symbolic betrothal religious ceremony" between our second daughter, Markelle and her boyfriend, Tahir. He is originally from Sudan and, while not a practicing Muslim himself, his extended family back in Sudan is very much so. When they saw pictures of him on facebook with a girl, they immediately started calling and asking if he was married and not one bit happy to hear that he wasn't. In an effort to satisfy the relatives and keep the peace, Tahir and Markelle discussed having this ceremony performed for them by the local Imam. Tahir met with Steve to explain the ceremony, and Steve took this meeting as an "asking for the hand of your daughter" pre-engagement type of talk, which meant that it lasted for abount two hours. Within a week of that talk, we received a phone call from Markelle inviting us to the home of Tahir's mother so that we could meet his family, break bread with them, and be there for what we thought was a simple "formality" to satisfy the Sudanese relatives. We had a lovely meal and visit with Tahir's family (they are fabulous) and soon the Imam showed up and got down to business of filling out some paperwork. As we sat with our daughter on one couch, the Imam began to talk to Tahir while sitting with him on the opposite couch. They were discussing certain points of the "contract" but when the Imam mentioned the dowry, Steve and I looked at each other with a "holy cow, what have we gotten ourselves into" look. Dowry? No one mentioned having to come up with a dowry. I was in the middle of thinking "eight cows, nine? What's appropriate here?" when the Imam sensed our confusion and immediately explained that WE don't pay the dowry, TAHIR does--as a bride price. It's something that he commits to pay Markelle. AHHHH, okay. I wish we had that little tradition in OUR culture! So far, so good. Things are going well. Once the dowry question was settled, the Imam than proceeded to say the words on the piece of paper he was holding, while having Tahir repeat them. He turned to Markelle and did the same thing with her. Meanwhile, I was respectfully sitting on the couch next to her thinking, "hmmm, this is not so different from our culture. This is okay." Next thing we know, the Imam winds the whole thing up with the words, "I now pronounce you Husband and Wife, " while Tahir's mother ululated from the chair she was sitting in. Steve and I were a little in shock as we looked each other and realized simultaneously that Markelle and Tahir--at least in the sight of Allah--just got married! I turned to the Imam and asked exactly what had just happened. He was a little concerned that maybe he had done something that we weren't on board with. After insisting that we were fine, but just wanted a little clarification on the event, we realized that for all intents and purposes the two kids were indeed married. All that was left to do was to get a marriage license from the State of Utah, bring it to the Imam to sign and it was legal according to the government of the United States. Tahir's sister kindly asked if I would like her to paint my hands with henna, which I immediately agreed to. I was actually glad that she asked, because it gave Steve and I a chance to spend the evening with Tahir's family and get to know them better. We left their home feeling at peace with Markelle's new situation, and with her being a part of Tahir's family. They were very kind and funny and wholesome and we enjoyed a beautiful evening with them. The following week, we held a BBQ at our home so that Tahir's family could meet our family. It also gave our family a chance to share in the excitement of Markelle and Tahir's new life together. After much talking over the past couple of weeks, we have convinced the two to have a Christian ceremony as well, and a reception so that all of their friends and family can celebrate with them. A date has been set (August 25, 2012) and the plans are being made. We went dress shopping last Saturday and Markelle found her dream dress. We had a wonderful day together, trying on beautiful gowns and talking about marriage and her new life. She's a happy girl, and I was a happy mom to be able to share a perfect day with her.
