I've been reading a book called "Still Alice" about a woman facing the early onset of Alzheimer's. Here is a story about a woman who is a wife, mother, great academic and Harvard professor. Much of her life, up to this point, has been about research, lectures, conferences, etc. Yes, she took time out to have and raise children, but described her time playing with her small babies and toddlers as mind numbingly boring. Now that her children are grown, two of the three are also accomplished academics, one being a lawyer and the other doctor. Her third child, who has the greatest intellectual promise of all, however, wants to be an actress. This is cause for great tension and dissatisfaction in her relationship with this daughter. With the acceptance of her early onset of Alzheimer's, Alice discovers that the things she wants most is to live to "hold Anna's (her daughter) baby and know it was her grandchild. She wanted to see Lydia act in something she would be proud of. She wanted to see Tom fall in love. She wanted one more sabbatical year with John. She wanted to read every book she could before she could no longer read. She laughed at what she'd just revealed to herself. Nowhere on that list was anything about linguistics, teaching or Harvard." Later, at a lecture where she just sat in the audience, Alice waited for the requisite 20 minutes for a no show professor (was it supposed to be her?) before she stood up to take her leave. As she does this, she says to the class, "I don't know about you guys, but I have better things to do." pg.121
I thought about this a lot as I have watched my good friend, Deanna, go through the process and regimen of fighting breast cancer. From the moment she received the diagnosis, she has had a very practical approach: I've still got to be a mom, I've still got to do what I have to do. Despite the toll that chemo has taken on her, she is still sewing up a storm and selling her aprons and bibs at the Farmer's market. She still helps Kylie with her homework and plays with her grand daughter, Reagan. She is talking Elisabeth, her oldest daughter, through the steps of sewing the most gorgeous dresses for Reagan. She is a great mom to Josh and Danielle and their spouses. She is the best and most supportive wife to Mike. I have watched her walk through this refiner's fire and she is beautiful and shining and glorious. Would I be that generous of spirit? Would I be that up beat and positive? I sure hope so. I hope that I would know what was important, and take care of those things over the silly things I tend to spend time worrying about. I hope that, even now with a healthy body, I can learn the important lesson that seems to come when we know our time is limited: to get on to the better things!
