5 Dec 2007

What kind of wife am I, to come home from work on my husband's birthday and tell him that my period started and I am not pregnant?
What kind of wife am I that on my husband's birthday, I make him curl up into a ball, hide under a snowman pillow, and cry his eyes out in pain, for yet another fatherhood dream shattered?
What have I done wrong to get this kind of life?
What kind of person am I that God is making me be this kind of wife?
Why cant we be parents as easily as those all around us? Will we not be good enough? Are we being punished for something? What have we done to deserve so much pain and heartache in our lives? Why cant God just take away the desire and ease it all? Or better yet, let us accomplish the greatest thing in life.

Some of you know, some of you dont, that Nick and I went through another IUI 2 weeks ago. It was out last attempt before moving onto IVF, and today we were proved that it didnt work. We did 3 vials, perfect timing. Obviously, to God, not the perfect time. And I dont and cant and wont understand.

Tomorrow I call the IVF clinic and put thousands of $ on the credit card, and just hope and pray we are able to make the monthly payments, and hope and pray that the monthly payments we struggle to make will be worth it.

Tomorrow I will start my birth control pills to supress my ovaries from making any more eggs until it's time.

And hopefully soon we get our baseline appointments, a time line of everything that is going to happen.

Everyone, please pray for us that God will ease our pain tonight, and for the next how ever many nights it takes.

Thank you for the support.

Nov 8 2007

Ok, I searched online exactly what an HSG is...and I was wrong. Its not a balloon type thing. But for some reason I remember that it was how mine was done a little over a year ago...maybe not? I cant remember. But here is more detail. Hope you dont have to go through it. It hurts. And if you do have to go through it, take my advice and before you go do it take some tylenol.

Also, before this is done you have to have a pregnancy no more than 48 hours prior, ( which is stupid to me considering the test is on Cycle day 10 and you've just bled from AF ) and you have to drink 64 oz of water 1 hour prior to the precedure WITHOUT going pee. It hurts.

When I had this all done last year, everything was normal and I dont expect any different this time.
A saline infusion sonogram (saline sonography) is routinely performed to make sure that the endometrial cavity (inside of the uterus) appears normal. Benign uterine growths, such as endometrial polyps or uterine fibroids, may develop in the cavity and create an environment that is hostile for implantation. Scar tissue may also be identified with the saline infusion sonogram. This procedure may be done as part of an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss or done prior to an IVF cycle. It may also be done to evaluate causes of irregular or very heavy menstrual cycles and some types of chronic pelvic pain. The saline infusion sonogram is scheduled early in a menstrual cycle, just after your period stops but before ovulation – usually between days 5-12 of the cycle.

The procedure is simple and usually takes 10 to 15 minutes to complete.

* A speculum is inserted into the vagina and the cervix is cleansed with an antiseptic solution.

* A special catheter approximately 1mm in diameter (about the size of a single strand of spaghetti) is inserted and slides through the cervical canal.

* The ultrasound probe is placed in the vagina.

* Sterile salt-water solution (saline) flows through the catheter into the uterine cavity. This distends the endometrial cavity and allows the physician to see the entire cavity on the ultrasound monitor. You may experience mild cramping at this point.

* Several images of your uterus will be taken during the procedure, pictures of your ovaries may also be taken.

* You will need to schedule an appointment with your physician to discuss any abnormalities that are seen during the procedure.

After the procedure you may continue to have mild cramping for a few hours. You may also experience light spotting or watery discharge for as long as 24 hours after the procedure. You should refrain from intercourse for approximately 48 hours. If any symptoms other than those listed above are noticed, please call the office at which you are seen


For some better news, we got our flight information to Guam. Wednesday Feb. 20th, 2008- We leave here from Norfolk, VA at 5:30 am and arrive in Texas at 7:30 a.m. We then have a 2 hour lay over and fly out of Texas to Hawaii, and then land in Guam at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday night.

We are having trouble with getting the cats' flights. We were told they cannot fly on the plane from Norfolk with us. They are not allowed in the cabin and the plane is not pressurized. So somehow we have to get them to fly out of Reagan, Washington D.C. and then they will meet up with us in TX. We have NO idea how in the world this is going to work. How can we take the cats to D.C. when we have to be in Norfolk for our flight at the same time? We have a friend who volunteered to take them for us, but it breaks me heart to have them so far away from us and scared. When I think about this, the only thing I can remember is when we flew here from Italy. Roo was scared, but fine. Pooh Bear was so scared he was curled into a ball in the back of his kennel as far as he could get shaking with this look on his face that I have never seen in his life, with a bloodied nose from trying to escape. It really rips my heart. I want them with me. So, Nick knows someone whos Mom is a flight attendent and she is going to try to work her schedule so she is on our flight and she will allow us to carry them onto the plane with us. Then when we get to TX they will have to go with our luggage, which I hate. Gosh, its going to be so hard for me. When we flew out of Italy and we had to hand them over, I cried and cried like a baby. I love my babies.

Oh and...flying them both is going to cost us $600. Ouch...but leaving them behind isnt even an option for us. So break the bank we will do.

Enough rambling.

26 Sept 2007

Im feeling down today. Many prayers and baby dust are being accepted. There is no reason really why I am feeling down. Just scared of this not working again for the 8th time.


On another note, this made me laugh today.

9 Sept 2007

CD 6, I start my clomid today. Im going to take it at night this round so I feel less of the side effects. I picked up 100 mg but I am not taking all 100. Just 50 mg for 5 days. Last time I took 100 mg I only had 1 good egg and abotu 12 small ones that never matured. And when I took the 75 mg I had 2 eggs and with 25 I had only 1. So maybe I should take 75??? What do you all think?



We found out that we probably wont have to quarintine the cats at all. We will be in Guam in about 175 days and the blood work and shots they need take 120 days, so as long as we are all finished with it all by the 120 days we wont have to put them in Q at all. Their first appointment is this Thursday. They told Nick it should not be a problem to get them all finished within the time frame, THANK GOD.



We been discussing the move. I dont have time for a yard sale. I was asked to work the 1st Saturday of October. So I dont know how well we would do with a yard sale the 2nd weekend of October. Too cold? People not in the "yard sale mood" at that time of year? I dont know...but we think of something...I have to use up ALL my candles...we have to use up all our household liquids. ( cleaning supplies, Nicks car supplies, bathroom novelties , sp? ) They will NOT ship candles, liquids, aerosol cans, lighters, nail polish...anything that is liquid, can melt or can catch on fire or explode.

I used to be a Partylite consultant so we have a thousand candles...looks like we will be burning A LOT of candles within the next 4 months and using some as Xmas gifts as well. Mom, Jenny...your getting candles for Xmas..hehehe.



We also so thought I will have to stop working in about 4 months. I wanted to work as long as I can, for 1 because I need the money, and for 2, I told the owner when he hired me that we wont be moving for another year. Oops. BUT, we HAVE to sell my car before we move and with the hours that I work it will be impossible for Nick to take me and I cant take him cuz I cant drive a stick. So, we are gonna loose money during our last month here and not sure if we will be able to afford an IUI at the time if we dont have our BFP yet.

I sure hope this month is a BFP. Money is going to be super tight with the costs of the cats..not sure how we will be able to afford a few IUI's.

Oh well, Im just rambling. We cant believe we are actually moving, and to Guam! I cant even imagine how nice its going to be there. We are going to be on an ISLAND! Surrounded by beaches, clear water, palm trees, green grass, white sand..ALL YEAR LONG! Ahhh..cant wait. Cant wait to pick out a house too. That should be fun!

And my quilt, its comming along great. Its starting to look like a quilt now. I have 3 rows all stitched together. My goal is to be sewing the inside together by the weekend and by next weekend sewing on the back sheet to it. But I bet it will be done before then.

Oh and guess what? Our AC is NOT working again and it is sooooo humid out from Tropical Storm Gabrielle. Nice time for it to be broken again huh?

7 Sept 2007 WE'RE MOVING!

Ok, so I lied, my life is no longer uneventful. Nick and I got some news yesterday that I didnt want to post before his parents knew about it. It would have been horrible for them to find out from someone besides us, but now they know and now the whole world can know. Most of you that read my blog already know, but, WE ARE MOVING TO GUAM! We got the word yesterday. Nick called me at work and I really thought he was playing a joke on me. It took a good 5 minutes for me to actually believe him. Guam is a place we had listed on our "dream sheet" not ever thinking that would become a reality, and even more so not this soon. As of yesterday, we have been here in VA for 2 years so we really believed it would take a little time for orders to get passed down to us since many people have been here longer than us and they would have priority. But, nope, WE ARE MOVING. We will be there end of Feb. Just 5 months! We plan having a yard sale first Saturday in October to get rid of stuff. I hate moving and taking stuff that we dont use. If we havent seen it or used it in a year, it goes.
So here are some maps ( thanks Zen! ) and some information about Guam. The base we are going to Anderson Air Force Base. Ahhh, for the next 4 or + years we will be living in a tropical paradise. I cannot wait!

As far as TTC, we are still going on with this cycle. And we were considering it being our last cycle but that was before we knew we were moving. So, we are going to do IUI's until we leave here, about 4 or 5 more. If I am not pregnant ( god forbid ) by the time we move, then when we get to Guam we will decide what to do about adoption. That is our plan now.

Now, to the information about Guam:

Located approximately 3,300 miles West of Hawaii, 1,500 miles East of the Philippines and 1,550 miles South of Japan, Guam is an ideal base for travel to many attractive Pacific and Asian destinations See above map.
Here is Guam itself:

The whole entire island is about 4-10 miles wide and 41 miles long.Guam is 210 square miles total. Told ya its tiny! The military does offer us flights for little or no cost to other islands just to get out a bit. As you can tell, its not a very big place to explore!
*Guam's cultuer is mixture of Spanish, Micronesia, Asian and western influences. They call it Chamorro.
*Fresh seafood is bountiful. Fresh fish, octopus, and lobster are either grilled or baked with vegetables or fruit, sashimi. Travelers who venture further will find Chamorro, Japanese, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Filipino, Chinese, Mexican, and European restaurants, each with its own distinct ambiance. Of course, American fast food chains have become standard fare for those on the go.
* Guam is just the place for the “born to shop” crowd. The island’s duty-free status means that name-brand merchandise and other items often are less expensive than in their counGuam’s duty free shopping status means that no tariffs are added to many quality name brand international products. Lower prices on such items as watches, perfumes, leather goods, spirits, and other luxury products can be found.
*For shoppers who rise with the sun, Guam’s popular flea markets are a special treat. Every Saturday and Sunday morning at 6 a.m., the Dededo Flea Market, located on Marine Drive, welcomes throngs of bargain hunters with the intent of finding the best buys among rows and rows of new and used merchandise. Buyers can find everything from lawn mowers to baby clothes, plants to pets. Hot snacks and beverages are available, and many people enjoy an island-style breakfast of fried rice, eggs and meat while shopping.
*There are 6 shopping malls on the entire island!
*As I type this, it is 2:31 am there, and 78 degrees!
*Due to wind direction and proximity, volcanic ash activity does occasionally affect Guam.
*The climate is characterized as tropical marine. The weather is generally warm and humid with little seasonal temperature variation. The mean high temperature is 86°F low is 74°F.
*An average of three tropical storms and one typhoon pass within 180 nautical miles of Guam each year.
*Guam offers wide beaches, snorkeling and scuba diving, deep sea sport fishing, world class golf courses, lush tropical jungles and a rich cultural and historical heritage.
*Guam is one of the best dive destinations in the world. Located just off the Marianas Trench, the deepest part of the ocean in the world, Guam offers divers exceptionally clear waters that maintain temperature between 82-86 (28C) degrees year round, unspoiled coral reefs and sheer walls, hundreds of varieties of coral and fish, and a number of World War II airplane and ship wrecks.
*The 2007 population estimate for Guam is 173,456.



Im sure I will have more info and pictures to come as we find out more!

Only cruddy thing about this whole ordeal is that they are VERY strict with their pet policy. Our cats need tons of blood work, shots, and possibly a quarantine period of 30 days, BUT, Nick was told today that it shouldnt be a problem so we might not have to do that as long we can get their blood work in a processed 120 days before we will arrive in Guam. ( cross your fingers for us, I cant go 30 days without them ) And its going to be very costly. We have to pay for everything, including the flight cost. Ughhh. But there is no choice, they are going with us. They are our children.

5 Sept. 2007

Ok, I apologize in advance. This post is more venting then the update post that I wanted to post. If you dont want to read my frustrations, then dont read this post.
Wow, is this PMS, me over reacting, or do I have reason to be this frustrated with it all?
AF started yesterday. That is great news since I skipped last cycle and want to start TTC again.
Last night Nick and I sweat all night because our AC stopped working. Its blowing hot air into the house. Its almost 80 degrees in here, and in VA the humidity is not nice. Maybe this is what is making me so crabby on top of everything else.
So, this morning I called to schedule for my IUI # freakin 8. The lady, M we will call her, said to me they are having people skip this month because Dr. S is all booked up for this month already. I told her I skipped last month already and really dont want to sktip this month. She asked why I skipped last month. I told her for my sanity. It was IUI # 7 and I needed an emotional break. So then she went on to say, you know you dont have to do IUI, you can do a timed intercourse. ( Ive gone through this with her many times before ) What I wanted to tell her then was, well if my husband made sperm that would be what we are doing and I wouldnt be calling to do an IUI now would I? But what I did say was, well that is not an option for us, we are using frozen donor sperm. So she went into the computer and said I wouldnt be able to get you in until CD 15 at 1:45 pm. I told her well if that is the only option I have then its what I will have to do and hope that its not too late for my u/s. She then told me to take the clmoid 1 day later and it might prolong my ovulation. So that is what I have to do now.
I am so frustrated at non sympathetic miltary doctors but we cannot afford to not use them. Through them all we pay is for the sperm. We cannot afford $1,000+ to go through a civilian fertility clinic. I feel like we are not pregnant yet because of them. The first IUI I had through them I had a different doctor. And he was sooo great. I got my BFP first try with him then I miscarried and he was no longer the IUI doc there. Now there is only 1 doctor there for a Navy base of 8,000 people, plus us from the Air Force base here. Now Dr. S is there and both IUI's Ive had through him I didnt like. The first time he didnt let the vial thaw out long enough. It was only out for 7 minutes before he did the IUI. And he had a hard time finding my cervix and said he was sure some got in. Nick clearly told him it was only out 7 mins. Then the last IUI he did, he got 2 drops of sperm on the floor before putting it in me. Nick was so upset when the doctor left he broke down in tears so hard and was saying the doc doesnt even care. He got sperm on the floor and doesnt even care becasue its something he has and we dont..I felt so horrible. The 2nd IUI for that cycle turned out fine, but I still dont like that doctor. And I have NO other option.
I am so upset and mad and frustrated. I just want to be pregnant. Is that so much to ask for? Why cant they just do 1 flippin cycle the correct way? That is all I ask for. Why?
I feel now like Amy did not to long ago. What makes this time any different? Do I really have a chance at a BFP with them not doing my u/s until CD 15? Why would it work this time when it didnt work when I had 2 eggs?
What a way to start my day...and my whole cycle.

16 Aug 2007

I will be back soon daily as usuall. I am on CD 12 now but as you all know Im taking a break. Next cycle I will be back in. I hope our favorite donor is available then. If not, I will have to choose another one.
In Feb when I got my BFP I only took 25 mg of clomid. I plan on doing that again next cycle. I have been wondering if the high doses of clomid have been preventing a BFP for me. So, back to only 25 mg next round. It might just be my last IUI if I am accepted into the donor program. If its a BFN and I am accepted, I will go through 2 rounds of donating my eggs to build up the cash for IVF. So, hopefully I will just get my BFP.
So, thats my plan and Im sticking to it.

I had a dream last night that I was crying to my dad's step sister, or my step aunt. I havent seen her since I was 12 or 13. All I can remember is her having 2 miscarriages then years later getting her sticky BFP. But back then, I didnt understand. I knew she was pregnant and her babies died and she was so sad and upset just sitting on the couch all day crying. I couldnt understand. But now I do, and I think of her.I had a dream last night that I ran into her and I was crying and telling her shes the only one that really understands me and I was asking her how she got through it. I dont remember much of the dream but I remember me crying and feeling so hurt. Hmmmm. Oh well...I will have a baby someday I suppose.

Something I forgot to mention, and I dont know how! A couple weekends ago one of my best friends from high school was in town for her husband's family reunion. The sweet person that she is, she made time for us to spend a day with her. I havent seen Lilian in about 2 years and before that it was 3 years. She is one of the VERY few that kept in touch with me after I got married and moved to Italy. All my other friends acted as if I had dropped off the face of the earth. But not her. I've known her since 7th grade! Wow...has it really been 10 years? We were'nt friends in Jr. high school as we hung out with different crowds, but once in 9th grade, our first year of high school it was different. She sat right in front of me in homeroom, from 9th grade all the way until the end. And she didnt just sit in front of me, she did more than that for me. She was always someone to talk to, someone to tell my darkest secrets to, someone to listen to, someone to give advice as well as take it. Someone to laugh with and at times laugh at. LOL! ( a gruesome science experiment just popped into my mind! Muahahahaha! ) Anyways, we got to spend the day together and it was great. It brough back great memories and made me wish I lived closer to home. 2 times in 5 years just isnt enough times seeing her. We had a great time. Nick and I picked her and Jeff at the hotel and off to Virginia Beach we went. We spent some good time in the ocean before we got kicked off the beach due to a torrential downpour and lightning. So back to the hotel we went and we swam in the pool instead. It was a grand ole time!
Lily, I miss you!!

13 Aug 2007

Its Monday. Im giving Jones Institute until Friday to call me back about my paperwork. Thats a little over a week. I do not want to skip next cycle at all with TTC. I want to do my next IUI and probably final IUI before my egg donation starts. I am kind of kickin myself for skipping this month. But I do know we both needed this break for a cycle. It was for the good.

Nothing new around here. Our anniversary is in 10 days. I cant believe its been almost 5 years of marriage and we still dont have a baby. Stinks...But its been the greatest 5 years of my life. And each year gets better and better.

2 Aug 2007

So, you notice the drop on my chart? Yeah...I think Im out. $hit. Oh well, there is nothing that can be done but have a glimmer of hope until the good old AF shows her face. Maybe by some total miracle my temp will shoot up tomorrow, but dont have too much hope for that.

Here is what we are considering now:

We both are on the verge of giving up on IUI's. This was our 7th try, and we have had all BFN's and 1 miscarriage at 7 weeks. It has taken its emotional toll on us pretty hard. I dont want to give up, but I dont think my heart can take the beatings anymore. We are not sure if we are going to finish our 6 rounds of clomid cycles or not. We initially said we would, but that would mean 2 more IUI's and we arent sure if we can emotionally handle it.

Anways, There is a fertility clinic near us and DH heard an advertisement on the radio for women to donate eggs. I called and asked about it and the program, to us right now, is something we are considering. The lady is sending me out the paperwork for screening. If I am accepted, the first donation they will pay my $2,000. I can donate as many times as I wish and any donation after the first one they will pay me $2,500. They also do an IVF exchange program which is, if I donate eggs, in return they will do IVF for us at half the cost. We already can get IVF farily cheap through the military, so Im not sure which way would be less expensive, but either way the money I get could go toward IVF, or adoption.

Its just so much to think about. I just dont understand why these IUI's are not working when the timing has been perfect. There is no reason my body cannot handle a pregnancy. When we wanted to do IVF form the very begining we were denied. The doctor said there is no need for me to do IVF with me being so healthy and fertile, and that 1-3 IUI's would probably get me pregnant. So what the heck is going on? I just dont understand it. It makes me question my ability to be a mother. Am I not meant to have children? Why is it so difficult for us when it shouldnt be? Anyways, Im just rambling. Do you girls think the donor egg program is a good deal?

19 June 2007 IUI day

IUI # 4. Ahhhhhh...finally. After 2 cycles after my miscarriage, I am finally in the two week wait again. I am calm, cool and collected and plan to be for the next 2 weeks. If its meant to be, it will be. If not, try again.The IUI went well. Doc had a hard time finding my cervix. So he had Nick shoot the swimmers on my cervix and said he is very sure that some went into the cervix. This time I feel much more crampy then every before. But its all worth it. Send me all the baby dust you can afford ladies. We need this BFP. We will test on July 4th...EXACTLY 4 years to the day we started TTC.

18 June 2007 U/S results

Today was my ultrasound to check my follies. I took the 75 mg of clomid on cycle days 5-9. Yesterday I had a ton of cramping on my left side. All day long, and I was even tired and napped for an hour and at times felt sick. We went in today at 8 am and my right side had a couple of real small follies. As soon as I saw my left side on the screen I knew it. There were the good eggs. WE HAVE 2 BIG HEALTHY EGGS!! 1 was 23mm and the other was 25mm and they were right next to each other! TWINS? Wouldnt that be great?! Of course, I would be more than over joyed with 1 baby, but twins? That would just be amazing. So, we go back in tomorrow am at 9 for the IUI.

After the ultrasound we stopped at Virginia Beach for a few hours and just hung out in the sun water. Then we went for a walk and ate lunch. We didnt get any pics cuz the batteries were dead....darn it.
It was peaceful, calm and relazing. Just like I want the 2 week wait to be. So we will be visiting the beach again soon I am sure. Its going to be a heck of a long 2 week wait.

Nick has been home for 11 days. Feels so much longer. We have been having a great time together. His parents were just here for 2 days and that was fun. What Im really looking forward to is having his brother and sister here. Its been since our wedding 5 years ago that all the kids were together.

Well, I dont have much to blog about. I'll be back tomorrow to post details of the IUI!

SEND ME BABY DUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

14 Feb 2007**UPDATED**

I have 55 million spermmies waiting for me! They arrived today! YAY! Tomorrow I will go in for my first ultra sound to see if I am ovualting. Im not sure if the doctor will decide to give me the trigger shot or not. I am hoping that he does. I just feel like we could better time the IUI with the shot.

I spent today shopping and decorating and cleaning and rearranging the house. I got a few baby outfits from the Salvation Army today...it was half price day! Gotta love it!! I posted pics of some of the things I bought.

I also got some more of the baby's room cleaned out today. LOL! Baby doesnt even exisist yet and Im cleaning out the spare room! It gives me hope. There's still a bit more to do and clean out in there but it is getting there. I will save the rest for my 2ww. I will post pictures of it too.

I opened my gift form Nick last night and just like I thought...it was PERFECT! He knows I dont like getting real flowers. I feel like its a waste of money. They are expensive and only last a few days. So he found wooded roses! They look incredibly real and smell real too! They came with a rose scented spray bottle so I can spray them. I love it. I can really have these red roses forever! I absolutly love them! Today I bought a heart shaped vase for them and but red,pink and white stones at the bottom of the vase to match. It looks great. He is the best. And the roses came with a white teddy bear!

Click on the pics to see them closer.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

***UPDATE***

It's now 10:26 pm and I am having definate Ovulation pains. Tomorrow just might be the big day. I might not need that trigger shot after all.

20 Nov 2006

I made the big purchase today! Donor number 554. I decided to switch donors since the last 2 tries with our original donor resulted in no baby. Maybe it was meant for us to change donors in order to succeed. I actually like this new donor better than our original. 554 has endless characteristics that are similar to Nick. Not that it matters a whole lot, because any sperm that results in a child we will greatly adore and love. Pray for us that these 2 vials contain the 1 SUPERSPERM that we need.
Tomorrow I am on cycle day 11, which means I should be ovulating on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. Im going to start my tests either tonight or tomorrow morning and I should get a positive real soon, assuming my body is on schedule. I been under some stress and I been sick so hopefully my body wont be thrown off. If I am time, we should be on for December 20th or so. Then I could have a big belly for Nick return home to, and a baby due on our 5th wedding anniversary. I hope that this is plan that the higher ups have for us.

11 Nov 2006

It's 11/11 today. Our lucky number. Everytime we see it, we kiss. 2 more days with Nick before I do'nt see him for 8 months. Today is going to be 76 out, so we are going to clean out and wash our cars. He will be cleaning his out ot prepare it for 8 months of storage, and I will be cleaning mine out ot prepare it for a 6 hour car drive full of things I will need and want within the next 8 months.
Well, no update on baby, or no baby. I did not test this morning. I want to have hope that I may be pregnant for as long as I can. After the spotting incident I posted yesterday, I had one more a few trips to the bathroom later. It was'nt as much as the first time, but it was there. I also took my temp and it dropped to 98.1 last night. Hopefully it was implantation dip, but this late Im not sure that is possible. I am 15DPIUI today. That could be a sign that AF is about to drop in. I cringe everytime I go to the bathroom hoping not to see my usual Pre AF arrive. So far, nothing.

In the middle of the night I had Pre AF like cramps and thought in the morning I should see AF, but nothing so far. I will maybe test again tomorrow morning. It takes 48 hours for HcG to double, so if I got a negative yesterday hopefully by tomorrow it will be doubled and we will see those 2 lines the day before Nick leaves, and he can leave proud knowing that when returns from duty, he will have a baby.

9 Nov 2006

4 more days until Nick leaves. Still doesnt feel like it yet. Today we did some more shopping for things he needed like tshirts, and socks. This deployment has gotten expensive. But if it makes him comfortable then its worth it.

Today I am 13DPIUI. Up until today I have experienced nothing what so ever that led me to believe that this cycle has worked, except hope. I am one to ALWAYS be cold. Nick is one to ALWAYS be hot. Today, I have been much more warm then usual. This morning on the way to the BX, in the car, I had the window down the whole way the entire way there. I was comfortable, Nick was cold. His hands were frozen. At the BX, I was so hot, I felt like I would fall on the floor and sleep so I had to walk outside. Then I felt better, still warm, but better. Even right now, I am real warm. I normally can sit at the computer and be fine but I feel so warm. I have the window open.

So, I have been seaching one of my other favorite site, www.twoweekwait.com and I have read many posts from women saying they have experienced this around 13DPO. I dont want to be too hopeful and have my dream shattered in a few days, so I'm really trying to think of other reasons that I could be going through this. I really cant think of anything besides it was 70 degrees out today, and the sun was warm.

Maybe we will take a pregnancy test in the morning, maybe not. I will decide when the time comes. I am just so scared of seeing a negative result. I do'nt want to test too soon either. Some women dont get postives until 16DPO, or later.

So, to test....or not to test is the question.

8 Nov 2006

Only 5 more days until Nick leaves for 8 months. I can't believe it's actually going to happen and I wont see him for 8 whole months. We went shopping today for all the things he needs to take with him, soap, toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, floss, running shoes, yada yada yada. So it's really happening, unfortunatly.

I think I have decided to do a pregnancy test on Sunday, the day before he leaves in hopes to give him a great going away gift of a baby. Sunday will be 16 DPIUI and CD 28 so that should give a good accurate result.

2 Nov 2006

I can't believe its November. Where did this year go? Plans have changed in the last day. Nick will not be comming home in between training and deployment. So off to PA I go earlier then expected. It's going to be hard leaving home, where him and I belong together with our furry children. But it is for my own good, at least for a while. I can't believe how close the time is comming to the day he leaves and I dont see him for 8 months. I wish all of America could see and understand what I go through for this country even though I am not the one who steps off of American soil. ( Atleast this time I'm not ) Well, enough about that.

I am putting in my 2 weeks notice to work today, so that takes me up to the 16th. I wish I could stop a few days sooner so I can leave right after Nick does. But maybe a few days in between is best for me so I dont have to drive 6 hours being unbearably upset. Even though I will be upset either way.

No signs of a bean snuggling in. Not like the 2 previous times when I thought I had many signs that could relate to a bean. This time, still nothing. I have had a little cough for a few days. I started taking my Vitamin C to help boost my immune system for the winter. I usually get sick atelast once.

Today I am 6 days past IUI. Almost have way there to testing. I will test in 10 days and hopefully, I pray hard, hopefully, we will see a nice 2 lines. If not, we are on for another round in December.

31 October 06

Happy Halloween! Tonight is Trick or Treat night. Im excited to all those kids' costumes. We got a ton of candy to give out.

I turned down the interview for the job I wanted a year ago. Which means I have made the decision to move to Pa for a while while Nick is gone. Maybe from December to April or so. That will give me 2 months at home to get the house spruced up before Nick gets home and plan a Welcome Home party, and an R&R vacation for him.

So, I will have to let work know soon that I will be leaving. I hate that place, so I cant wait to tell them. We never work fast enough and customers seem to think we do'nt do anything right. The older retired military people, I swear, think they are god or something and us AAFES employees are there to serve them. I do'nt think so. My time and efforts will be appreciated somewhere else.
And, I will NOT have the stress on my body. I choose making a baby over this job. One of the ladys I work with started on some blood pressure meds. Her doctor told her she needs to quit.

Well, up to 4DPIUI. No signs. I'm hopefull but loosing it I think. I'm just not so excited and anxious as the previous tries. I'm so calm this go round. Maybe I'm at peace for a reason. No pregnancy signs, no unusally body signals or any sort. Only time will tell, about 11 more days worth of time. May it go quickly even though I will be saying goodbye to my husband. So, may it not go quickly. It's a tough situation.

28 October 2006

Today marks just 1 day past Ovulation, or 1 DPO.
If a swimmer was going to find my egg this cycle, it should have happened by now. Its been 26 hours. I woke up with a question for Nick, "Can I take a pregnancy test yet?" It's going to be a long long 2 weeks. Espically knowing Nick is leaving in almost 2 weeks. I hope the end of the 2 weeks is marked with a sad happiness.
I finally got some good sleep last night. 11 hours in bed. I was so tired! The last 2 nights, I only got 2 hours of sleep each night. So much to think about all at once. Nick leaving, this baby, my job, moving and my cats when I do move temporarily.
I go back to work in 2 days. Im really not looking forward to it. I dont want the stress on my body while trying to make our baby grow. It's not healthy this early on. Stress could cause the embryo to not implant into my uterus. And this baby comes way way before my crappy job. So they better treat me nice.

IUI day 27 Oct 06

Our day started at 2:45 am with a 3 and half hour drive to the doctor for our IUI. We had to be checked in by 7 am, no later. We pull up the hospital at 6:51 because of an accident on the way. I hop out of the car and start walking while Nick finds a parking space. All we know is go to Ward 43. When I get half way there I realized I am not going to make it if I dont run. So here I am, paperwork and Teddy Bear in hand running into the hospital like a mad women. After stopping at several wrong places I make it to Ward 43 for check in at exactly 7 am and out of breath. Nick comes running in with spermmies in hand at 7:08. We made it thanks to my running capabilities.

Doctor prepares me for insemination at 9 am and and has some trouble getting to my cervix. She says my uterus is a little bit high and also tells us I have cervical mucous and my cervix is open. This is great news and means we hit my ovulation on time!! So, in the spermmies go, 21 million of them, at 9:10 am. Here's to hoping the do a great job on their egg hunt within the next 24 hours.

Our first home pregnancy test will be around November 12th. Nick is leaving on the 13th so we might do it a day early. If it turns out negative, we will be on for another IUI in November. We as in me and my Mother In Law since Nick will be gone. So we are really hoping that this one works since it's the one he was with me for.

After the insemination we decide to stop at Arlington National Cemetary since it's right there. We had a good relaxing time. We saw the Changing of the Guard and wreath ceremony. My first time seeing it. It's amazing how they perfect all those movements. We saw the Kennedy family plot and the Eternal Flame which was real pretty. We didnt get to see a lot since we were dressed for the weather. Did'nt plan stopping there. It got cold. We then stopped for lunch a REAL good pizza place. Nick says our baby is going to love Italian food because that is the first food he has had. He's crazy, in a good way.

It was a long drive home, I went straight to bed. Roo layed on my stomache for about an hour. He never does that. He is the most rambunctious cat I've ever known. But, his head and front paws rested on my stomache and his legs were on my lap. And here I am, watching him not being able to sleep and wondering if its a sign!

As I was laying there I got a call from an Animal Hospital that I applied for. She wanted an interveiw with me on Tuesday. I just decided last night I dont want to stay here in VA alone while Nick is deployed. I'm going to stay with my in laws instead. So, now I gotta call her back and explain my husband is military and we have had a change in plans since I applied for the job and that I wont be staying in VA. Nick will be home for 5 days in Dec, before going off to Iraq so after he leaves, I will leave. I think it will be best for me emotionally. So I'll be home for the holidays which hasnt happened since Dec of 01.

Well, I've rambled enough.