1 March 2008

Sorry for the delay in blogging lately. I promise it will get better very soon. Lots going on here.

First I know you wanna know how the pregnancy is going. I think so far its ok. Still, I worry so much but then I think about how I been feeling and then feel better. My pants don't fit anymore. Only my strecthy ones fit. I am only 6 weeks and 4 days today so how is that possible? My boobs are huge. I mentioned last time that I was in D but now, I think I'm falling out of that. Crap. I'm still hungry. Not as much as before, but still hungry. I'm not peeing nearly as much as I was. So that has subsided again. No morning sickness, no feeling crappy or tired. I did have a headache yesterday but I think that was from the bright sun.
We have our first ultrasound on Thursday, 6 March. I wanted this appointment so bad and now that its scheduled Im so scared to go. The what ifs pop into mind and the experience I had last time all comes back when I think about it. So I try not to think about it, or I try to think the best.
So what do you all think??? ONE baby or TWO babies???

We got me a car. Just a little Guam bomb car to get around. A 98 Mazda Millenium. It will do. We are thinking about in a year getting me a new car.

Last Wednesday we looked at 2 houses on base. The first one we checked out was horrible. I walked in and felt like it was a depressing cave. The 2nd house we looked at we said yes right away. We didnt even get to see it. The lady gave us the floor plan and it was the exact same layout as our sponsor's house. We couldn't look at it because it was being cleaned but we took it anyways. Yesterday we got to go in. We took some boxes over and explored our new home. Its smaller than the other houses we have had but it will do. We like it. The kitchen is wonderful, the closets and cabinet space are endless! We move in on Monday. We wont have all our furniture though. We get loaner furniture from the military until our stuff gets here. We do get our unaccompanied baggage, if you remember me talking about that before. Its a small amount that we had shipped here early. Pots and pans, clothing (that probably wont even fit me anymore) shoes, blankets, sheets...just the stuff we need to live with. And from the time we move in it takes about 48 hours to get internet. So I might have to disappear again.

We got some pictures but I don't have time to post them right now. We are about to be off to breakfast, then drop some things off at the house and off the BEACH!! WHOO HOO!! Hopefully I don't look like a freakin whale. Oh well, as long as this baby is healthy.

Until next time!!

24 Feb 2008

Gesh, Its been about 5 days since I posted. Please forgive me. I've either been too tired to type or out exploring. Nick is playing his video games on his PS3 now so I have time and a little energy to spare to update you all. So much has happened in the past 5 days. I have to much to tell you all!! And a slide show to share.

First I know you are all wondering how the bean is doing. We haven't had an ultrasound yet. We go on Tuesday to enroll me into Tricare here on base. Then we will find out what we need to do to get into the doctor on or around March 7th. I will be almost 8 weeks by then. Things are going great but I still worry and wonder if everything is progressing as it should be. Nick is very sure that everything is fine from the symptoms I been having lately. My last pregnancy I had no symptoms. Tomorrow we hit week 6. The past week I have been absolutely starving. I mean, I cant get full. I'm hungry all the time. My pants are tight in the waist. Summer shorts and pants that I wore very comfortably or loosely last summer, are tight. I desperately need to go clothes shopping. I have to pee 2-4 times a night and because of that (and the 15 hour time difference now) I cant sleep. I was constipated on the plane here. Not fun. And my bobs are huge. Yesterday we went out and Nick forced me to buy a nice bra. I didn't want to spend 25 bucks on a bra. Can you believe a freaking FULL 36 D?? WTF? Wow. Also just about every day, either part of the day, sometimes all day I feel so bloated! Like when I was on the IVF injections. Bloated- like I feel like a hot air balloon! So because of all this Nick is confident things are well. But, I always have that what if in the back of my mind.

Now, about Guam. Wow. This place is amazing. This really is paradise. I cant believe we live here now. I told Nick, I don't think I will ever want to leave. Hes going to have to pry me out of here. Yesterday we went to the beach near our hotel but only for 45 minutes. Nick burns easy and we didnt buy him any sunscreen. The water is like bath water. It was cold at first because there was a breeze going but after you got in it was so warm. It was so clean, and clear and blue. Not salty at all like the beaches in the states. Palm trees with coconuts everywhere. The local people are really nice, happy, relaxed and helpful. Its live we are living a vacation.

Tomorrow we get to pick up our cats from quarantine. We worried about them for nothing which I knew was going to happen. We get to visit with them everyday, bring their favorite treats and food and Pooh Bears favorite brush. The first day we went to visit them, they day after we flew in Roo was so ticked off and mad at us. So much so that it was just so funny and cute. As soon as he saw me he started his meowing. The meowing he does when he looking for me around the house. I went into their kennel and he rubbed on me a minute then realized he was mad and started growling and wouldn't let me pet him. Then he would rub and love on me and the get mad again. It was so funny. Today he was his normal self. Pooh Bear just seems as if nothing happened. I cant wait to have them back.

We are still living in a hotel right now. The lady at the housing office said we wont get a house until middle of March because there is no funding to fix up a house for us. The stupid thing is, is that they are paying us $229 PER DAY(!!!!) to live in this hotel. The hotel cost plus meal costs since our room does not have a kitchen. So they are out of funding but they are paying us way more to live in a hotel?? Somebody cant do math. The lady said we would get a call Monday or Tuesday to let us know. I just want a house to call home. I want my things, I want to be able to cook my own meals, I want my own bed. Hopefully some funding money will fall from the sky and we can get into a house sooner rather than later.

Well, thats all for now. I'm tired. This time change is killing me sleeping schedule. I heard it takes a god week or 2 to adjust. Its incredibly tiring. Plus I have to pee now. So until next time friends, I leave you with a slide show of our first 3 days here in a magical paradise.

Feb 19 2008

I don't feel much like blogging. I'm tired. There is alot going on here so I'm going to get right the point, I know I know...boring. Here are the details of my day.

Nick took the cats to the airport in D.C. at 3 am this morning. I took it much better than I thought I would. I didn't get upset or cry at all and I thought I would have a breakdown. I did my best for this little bean growing in me. I don't want to cause stress in there. Its so weird not having them around and much weirder knowing they are so far away from us and without us. They will be Hawaii even before we are even in Texas. I hope and pray they will be just fine and recover fast. I have included a picture of them from a few days ago.

Here is something off topic, but I had to include it...
When Nick left at 3 am I just layed in bed trying to go back to sleep. At about 4 am I hear outside in parking lot, "HELP, HELP, Officer Help!." So I go running to to window and right directly out front there are 4 cops walking a handcuffed (trailer trash, sorry for using that term) girl to a police car. She must have been so drunk or high. All she was saying was, 'Come on man, please man, come on man, just loosen them, they are too tight man." It was halirous. The cops searched her and found drugs and I saw them put the drugs on top of the trunk of the cop car. Then they were trying to talk to her but I couldn't hear them. Then she said,"I just want to go to bed man, Im tired." And the cop said, "Oh trust me, we will give you a bed." At that point I was laughing so hard I had to call Nick and tell him what was going on. It was like a scene from COPS. It was great.

Now for that part you all been waiting for...
When Nick got back he couldn't wait to find out the results from my 2nd beta test. I was going to wait unitl lunch time to call. So I called early thinking the results weren't in. I was wrong. The 2nd beta test results are...............a smoking 327!! This indicates baby is growing right on target. I do feel a little better but still have bad thoughts in the back of my mind. I imagine that these thoughts wont go away until he/she is in our arms. Now we wait until March 7th...our first ultrasound. I say that after that I feel better, but really...I don't think that I will. I think I will always worry about something going wrong. Im so thankful that Nick is confident.

Well, Im not sure when I will get back on the computer after this. We leave tonight, or tomorrow morning at 2 am to check in at the airport by 3:20 am. We have to drive across the water to Norfolk. Our flight leaves for Texas at 5:20 am. We have a total of 24 hours flying time. But it will be so worth it!
Not sure when we will have internet. We get a house within a week of getting there then probably a few days until we get internet.

So folks...off to paradise to live my dream!!

Oh, one more thing. One of the girls from NW wrote this for me. I must have the best support team out there! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
Lil bean please stay
nestled in your mommy's tummy
where its so cozy & warm
just until you've grown
into a healthy lil baby
then your welcome to join this world
Believe me,It'll be worth the wait
you'll have so much love
& all the warmth you'll want
nestled in your mommy & daddy's arms.
Bless you both & your lil bean.

16 Feb 2008

On Valentine's Day Nick came back to our hotel room with the most perfect card and my favorite snack, a bag of BBQ kettle cooked chips. Yum.


All day long I was nervous as can be, and as scared as could be. I kept debating,"Should I test before my blood draw", "do I look at the test or let Nick look?"

Later that night Nick begged me to test. At that point I had decided I didn't want to test until after my blood draw to prepare myself for the worst news possible.

We had 2 pee tests. I had a dollar store test, a First Response and an EPT digital. Nick wanted me to do all 3 at the same time. I took the sticks into the bathroom, peed in a cup and then did the dollar store test. It was a blond moment and I was scared. As soon as I did the dollar store test I dumped the cup of pee in the toilet. I immediately realized what I had done. Nick was mad. So I gave him the test and walked away. I told him not tell me. I jumped on the computer to occupy my mind.

Not even a minute later, from the bathroom Nick yells, "How dark does the line have to be." I immediately knew he saw a line. I told him it doesn't matter, a line is a line. He walked out of the bathroom, test in hand, face all red and said I wish you would have done the other tests. I went over to him to see the test and to my surprise, this is what I saw....


I said, Holy crap, Happy Valentine's Day. After that, I don't remember. I know I drank a lot so I could pee on another stick. And an hour later this is what we saw...


We decided to use the last test for the next morning before my beta blood draw, and this is what we saw...


My beta blood test results were positive, with a beta of 118. My doctor said I am pregnant. Then I called the IVF clinic and the nurse said I am pregnant. She wants me to call her after our ultrasound on March 7th to let her know if it's 1 baby or 2.

And that folks, was our Valentine's Day 2008. We are now praying this baby sticks. Im very happy but very cautious.

Now for some words from Nick to all my pals,

Thank yo everyone for the congratulations. For those of you that have not seen your BFP yet, I know how hard it can be to see others succed and keep a happy face, while you try so hard. It has been so aggravating over the past 5 years to see others have their magic day. That sometimes its hard to truthfully be happy for those that it has happened for.
Thank you for the support you have shown Michelle and myself. It has been a long road. The IUIs, the deployment, the miscarriage, the moving, the IVF, but it has all been so worth it.
Its like 5 years of pain, my surgerys, the money issues, the failure issues have all just been washed away. We get to start a new life in 5 days in a new world, WITH MUCH more to look forward too.
And I thank each and everyone of you for getting Michelle thrugh this. Without your support, advice and encouragement, I dont know if Michelle would have made it.

14 Feb 2008

Just a picture today. Its not great quality. I dont know how to upload pictures from the camera onto the laptop, so here is a picture taken from my cell phone, then uploaded to photobucket. These are the 2 embryos we transfered. Hoping one or both of them were sticky. Happy Valentine's Day everyone.

11 Feb 2008

A little update:

So today we are 7 days past a 3 day transfer. Some of you asked when I am going to pee on a stick. The answer is I'm not. I am staying as far away from those evil sticks as I can. I want nothing to do with them. They scare me. I see them, and I run so Nick has them in a side pocket of my suitcase so I don't have to see them. And they aren't even calling my name. I'm too scared. I dont even want to do my beta test when its time. I want to throw a fit and tell the doctor I will not do it. But that probably wont go over well at all. And so I wait. I don't know when I will test.

A lot has happened since my last post and the schedule isn't going to calm down any for a while. We have 8 days until the plane is up and 7 days until my cats' plane is up. I'm so scared of that. I'm scared of them being so scared and afraid. I don't want to let them go without us. Without the comfort of their maw and paw right next to them in a scary situation. Pooh Bear isn't going to handle it well, Roo I know will soon get over it. I don't like it one bit and I'm dreading the 19th when we have to take them to the airport.

Last Thursday we handed over the keys to our house. We are now homeless and living in a hotel yet again. I hate this part of moving in the military.

On Friday Nick tested for Technical Sargent. This was his second time testing. First time he didnt make it because he didnt have enough time in service. He missed it by only 6 points. This time he is confident he made it. I hope so. He will be a great Tsgt and we could use the nice pay raise. We will find out middle of June the results.

Friday night we had Nick's going away dinner. We had it at Hooters of all places. Usually military going away dinners are held at nicer places, like Olive Garden but ya know Nick...he wanted Hooters. Id rather go to a place like that anyways. We had a good time. I cant remeber the last time I saw him drink so much beer. It was an entertaining night. Nick and the guys he was deployed with drank up a storm. Ever since this night I have been craving hot wings. I had a salad when we went. I always get the cobb salad, but since then I want hot wings.

Saturday morning we drove up to PA. We made one last trip up there to visit his parents and see his family. We had a good time. Sunday morning we all met at an Old Country Buffet. Nick's Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. We had a great time with that. Right from there, we were leaving to come back home (when I say home, I mean hotel) so we had to say our goodbyes to his parents, brother and sister. It was much harder than I thought. Before that moment, I thought we did it before for 3 years we can do it again, but when that moment came, I didn't want to leave. Knowing I wont see any of them for 4 years was hard. Parents get older...my brother in law will be a married man by then, and my nephew who is in utero now will be 4 years old and wont even know who I am. I will be just a face in a picture to him. And to drive back watching your husband sob uncontrollably has got to be one of the worst feelings. There was no way I could comfort him but say, "We did it before, we can do it again."

Today, Nick went to work to get some paperwork done for the move. Then he has to clean his car spotless so we can ship it. Shipping a car overseas is an all day long process. There cant be 1 speck of dirt when we take his car in or they will refuse to take it. They go over every square inch of the car, inside and out and document every square inch inside and out on paper. Then we will fill out paperwork. Its takes HOURS and I hate it. But it must be done. After that since we will be in the area of Buffalo Bill's Nick is going to take me there to get my hot wing craving in. I have to have them, soon.

Thats about it for now so until next time!

Shari- You are welcome for the support! You are great support to me as well.

7 Feb 08

I'm so sorry everyone. I know you are wondering what the heck is going on. We have been so busy with this move I haven't had time for the computer. I hate the moving process. This one has been the most hectic so far. But I love living in new places. We leave 2 weeks from today. Anyways, as far as IVF, we are finally done. We transfered 2 grade 2 embryos. We had 3 grade 2's but the doc wouldn't transfer 3 for us. He said its to risky and unethical. Hes right. So we transfered 2. It was so neat. We got to see the embryos, see them being transfered and every got a picture of them which I will post someday when I have time. Now its the wait wait wait. I hope it turns out good. Sorry this is so short. I am pooped.

3 Feb 2008

So, I spent the entire day yesterday throwing up and in pain. So much so I was in tears. I think the tears were a mixture of pain, tired of throwing up, and emotions all balled up. This is all such a rollercoaster and I hope and pray that it will be worth it.

So far this morning I feel good. Hopefully that doesnt change. We are going to head back to our hotel in D.C. today and pack up the room. Well, Nick will for the most part. Then tomorrow morning is the transfer at 10:30.

We got our fertilization report yesterday. Out of the 11 eggs, 8 were mature and 5 fertilized. When we go in tomorrow we will see how the best embroys are doing and transfer 2 probably. Im going to take my chances and ask if they will transfer 3. I would love all 5. Call me crazy, I dont care. But I know thats not an option. I will ask for 3 though since this is our last chance at becoming pregnant for many years. Its worth a try...

Not sure when I wil be able to get back on a computer to update you. We go home tomorrow for 3 days and we have no internet. So it might be a few days.

Thanks for everything everyone!

2 Feb 2008

Im afraid I have to make this one short and sweet. My RE was yesterday and Im still in pain this morning. Everything went excellent except that I threw up 4 times yesterday trying to attempt keeping some bit of food and drink down. I am starving!! And craving a huge salad from a salad bar and some greasy pizza.

The anesthesia was so weird. I was freaked out about it. I had sweaty pits, palms and feet and my legs were litteraly shaking. Nick says he saw me just minutes after the ER as they were rolling me to somewhere to wait for me to wake up. He said I told him that I felt drunk. LOL! I however, dont remember any part of this. I just remember hearing my name in the room full of nurses and then waking up and feeling lost. I was there for 10 minutes before they rolled me into another room where they made me pee and then right away I threw up. Then Nick came in right away he said, "Did ya get the news?" And I knew by the look on his face it was good...

The magical number is ELEVEN!! We got 11 beautiful eggs! We were expecting only 8, 10 at the very most. Our donor's sample was great and we got 11 million active healthy swimmers. Our lucky number 11 seems to pop up a lot hopefully with good meaning. The doctor told Nick that he was going to do ICSI. So instead of letting the egg and sperm meet on their own, the doctor is going to take 11 of the best swimmers and inject them into the egg, forcing them to meet. On Sunday we will get our call about the fertilization report. I have good confidence in my embryo's but of course the worry is still there. On Monday will be the transfer and there we will discuss how many embryos to put back. Im sure they will do more than 2 because of my high chance of multiples, because of my age. Darn it.

After my ER we decied we would drive the 3 hours north to Nick's parents house. I didnt want to be laying around the hotel all weekend worrying and wondering and waiting for that phone call. So we are here, at my in law's to keep our minds a little more off of our 11 babies. I felt so sick after we got here. I tried several times to eat, and eat time it came right back up. Right now, I am so hungary. My ovaries are so sore and I dont want to take my pain meds because I dont want to sleep. I slept the entire way here from the percocet.

My first Progesterone (PIO) shot was last night. That sure was intimidating. I numbed the area with ice for 15 minutes and only felt a pinch and then nothing. Right after I held a hot washcloth on it and it seemed to work great. Eaiser than the trigger shot by far, so far. Im sure glad that Nick is able to do the PIO's cuz I dont think I could do those on my own.

Well, this is longer than I wanted it to be. Im in some pain. I will have to leave you all with this.
And thank you for the emails and comments. It makes me smile.