April 30 2007

Here are a few pics from the Air Show on Saturday. I didnt have the right zoom lense for the camera but I got some good ones.


The Tunderbirds flew right over top of us!!

The Thunderbirds!

I LOVE jet noise!!

F-22 Raptor

In other news, that most you of proabaly wont care to know about, but Im posting aways..

I watched The Tyra Show today and she had 4 women take the 4 week Nivea Goodbye Cellulight Challenge and at the end of the 4 weeks, all 4 loved the product and they had signifigant ( sp? ) difference. They took before and after pictures and even video diary'ed the weeks. Nick will be home in 6 weeks so that gives me plenty of time to say Goodbye Cellulight! I dont have a lot, but there is enough and I can see it on my butt and thighs. So, I'm off tomorrow to Walmart to get some and maybe I will even post before and after pictures if I am brave enough.

29 April 2007

Here I go again, I dont think I ovulated again. My temps are back down again. I dont know what the heck is going on but its making me frustrated. Its been a month now, I should be getting back on schedule. I guess I wont be IUIing again when I thought. I hate this.

Went to the Air show yesterday and it was great. I will post pics and more later.

27 April 2007

3rd day of high temps. This a.m. wasnt as high as I hoped. but it was still higher than normal. Please god, let it be my TWW for AF.

And for my picture bonanza...A few of the front of the house and what feels like a million plants I planted. ( If you click on the pic to make it big, notice the cat in the window crying! LOL ) And some of my kitties. Click on them to see them larger.

Other cool news, well, it's cool to me atleast. The Langley Air Show started today and I can see the fighter jets flying from my back patio and yard. It's soo cool. They been flying almost all day in different formations and doing cool tricks in the air. Nick and I went to the one last year, but obviously cant go this year. I might end up going by myself or with Jim and Nancy tomorrow maybe. I love hearing the jets. I love how my house shakes from them and how loud they are. I know Im weird, you dont have to tell me. The cats even just look up at them like, oh...those annoying noisey things again. Its so cute. I love being part of the military. Even with these long deployments, I wouldnt change it for the world.

WOW! 4 just flew over in formation and was sooooo loud!! WHOOO HOOO THE SOUND OF FREEDOM! I love living on base.

I will try to get some pictures.

Here is the website if you want to take a look.

http://langleyairshow.com/

26 April 2007

2nd day of high temps! Could it be from Ovulation? Could I be in the TWW countdown to AF? Am I that close to making my baby again? I can only hope! I will keep temping and parying that those temps are up for the next 12 days. Send me some extra thoughts!!

25 April 07

No more flowers!! I quit. Nick said he wants people to look at our house and say "Thats a lot of flowers." So yesterday I spent the day planting more. And 60 bucks later we have a lot of flowers. Not as much as wanted, and not enough for people to say "Thats a lot of flowers." But we have enough and I'm done! No more planting flowers! He will have to be happy with the ones I have planted. I know he will be, but I also know he wanted more. Heck, after looking at dirt and sand for 7 months I would want to see tons of flowers too when I got home. I will post a picture sometime soon once I take one or a few.

Nothing new going on. Nick Welcome Home party is going to be bigger than I thought. Im estimating about 30 people so far so I re did the the menu. I wanted to stick with all Italian foods and make my specialty foods, but I cant cook for that many people on a budget. So, I went to the basic BBQ foods. It will still be great though. I cant wait.

TTC news, I might have ovualted yesterday. My temp went up .6 degrees over night, but with that jump last week that was a fluke, I dont know for sure. Only thing to do is keep temping and hope that it stays up for the next 14 days. I am so ready for AF. If it was my O, then that means on June 7th I should get my BFP. That is right as Nick comes home. Heck, I think that maybe I wont even test until he gets home so we can see it together. He will come home a week after I can start testing, so if I am a week late, we know that we will see "pregnant" again on the CBE digitals. That will be exciting to see it together this time. I have high hopes in this next try, espically with the higer dose of clomid and my body now knows what pregnancy is. So I hope it works and I hope this one is for keeps. Maybe I shouldnt have such high hopes just in case of being let down again, but I need to stay positive. The nurse told me to be positive during my last TWW, and she was right and I did get my BFP. So Im going to try that again.
THIS WILL WORK, AND I WILL GET MY BFP.

19 April 2007

My temp dropped lower this morning. I am starting to doubt that .7 degree rise was ovualtion. Im so tired of waiting. I just want my darn cycle to start so I can get on with my next try. GRR.

Dieting is going good. I lost 2 lbs already just by eliminating my snacking habit while watching tv. I keepy busy by knitting and reading during commericals, oh and eatin grapes instead of junkies.

I weighed myself this morning, and yes, Im going to publicly announce my weight so that I feel more commited to loosing the extra pounds. I would like to loose atleast 7 pounds, 10 would be great. My scale went up to 132-133. Inbetween. There it goes...I said it...now I am commited to loosing the pounds since you all know Im at this.

My bathing suite experience the other day was horrible. I gotta loose weight so I can feel ok wearing one. Nick wants to go to the beach a lot this summer.

Nothing new here. I just feel like Im at a stand still and time is frozen.


I know my cat is a military brat when he sleeps soundly on couch, with not even a budge or twitch while the jets rumble above the house. The windows shake, the tv has no sound, but that cat....he just sleeps.

18 April 2007

I'm not quite so sure that yesterday mornings temp rise was due to ovulation. This morning my temp was back down to pre AF temps. Its possible that I just had a fluctuation for some reason. The only way to tell if it was ovulation rise is to monitor the next few days and see what my temps are. I sure hope it was ovualtion. I need AF to come soon. I hate this wait.

17 April 2007

This is my 111th post..wow.

Anyways, Sorry for no updating you all. I've been staying shy of the computer lately. For 2 reasons, 1 being that I'm trying to keep my sanity on things so I limit myself, and 2 because my right hand and arm have been hurting from too much computer time.

I havent posted lately, because until today there was nothing to post about. I been just having me time. Trying to understand that all this is God's plan for me. Trying to know that he is on my side. I know deep down that thats true, I am just trying to stop questioning it all. That is what my me time is about, I think.

Today, I went to the mall and just strolled, just me. I tried to find a bathing suite and that was a disaster so Im dieting now and not buying one until Nick gets home and he can tell me what looks good and what doesnt. I bought a cute skirt that he would like from Old Navy that I plan to wear for his first day home. I want to look nice.

Today, I also picked up the crib I ordered several weeks ago before the miscarriage. It didnt upset me as many of you would have thought it would. I know it will get use. I know we will eventually need it. And looking at the box will tell me to not give up and making a baby to sleep in that crib. It's still a great meaningful piece of furniture that was a gift from Grammy and Grandpa, that will some day soon come out of the box.

Oh, and I learned how to knit so Im making my very first scarf in snow white. Its good while Im watching tv cuz my hands are busy and it lets me not think of munching on junk food.

And for the good news!.........
This morning my BBT temp rose .7 degrees so I have indeed ovulated either midday yesterday or last night. This means, I am in the TWW for good ole familiar AF. She should arrive in about 14 days. Then I can really start trying for this baby again. I will start my clomid, schedule for my ultra sounds, schedule for the sperm delivery, see the doc and get my trigger shot then time for IUI about 14 days after AF, then on the REAL TWW, then for my BFP. About 6 weeks in total until we get our next BFP.

Once AF arrives, Im not going be posting much detail on my blog. Details will be withheld for a while, just incase things dont turn out like last time. It was very difficult for me to announce to the family our baby didnt make it. We will withhold details on my blog, until we atleast see the baby's heartbeat at our first prenatal appointment, possibly longer if we can stand to wait.

Only few very few people will know of the details. I dont intent to hurt anyone's feelings, we are just doing what is best for us.

This does not include my NW girlies..I will be posting my stats on the boards as usual.

Oh yeah...I havent posted the update on Nick on my blog so here goes...
He has been sent to Baghdad to work for 4 weeks or so. He is working 7 days a week, and 12-14 hour shifts. He doesnt get to use the computer, but every 4 days or so. The computers are a 45 minutes shuttle bus ride and a 30 minute wait to get on a computer. He has to get up at 4 am in order to do this in time for work. Its impossible for him to go to the computer after working 14 hours so he has to do it in the morning before work. In his words, he is working like a dog, but time goes fast.
He should be home in less than 2 months now.

Thank you everyone for sticking by me as much as you can through this. It's not easy.

11 April 2007

I had 3 horrible dreams about Nick last night. They were so bad that I'm not even going to tell you what the dreams were about. I think you can put 2 and 2 together..the dreams were of him being in Iraq.

I havent heard from him in 2 1/2 days, since he went out to build tents for the Army. No news is good news though in these situations.

Loving a military man, and being a military wife is the hardest and toughest thing for me to do, yet I would'nt do anything else. As much as it hurts, "It's beautiful missing someone so much."

I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed
I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin'
on that same bright star
I wonder, I pray

[Chorus:]
And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard
livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)
I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart
I wonder, I pray

I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

[Second Chorus:]
I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon

[Third Chorus:]
I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you,
don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon
Come home soon
Come home soon


You can hear this song on my myspace page at:
http://www.myspace.com/5886405

8 April 2007

Im having an emotionally rough day today, and these past few days. So Im really sorry if I seem a bit distant. Dont take it personally. I just need some time to myself these days. Im just emotionally lost, if that makes any sense...

Anyways, I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter. I wont be doing much. Just painting some eggs.

Oh yeah..I got my hair cut yesterday. It hasnt been this short in about 5 or 6 years. I love it! I dont know why I havent gotten it cut this short sooner. I will post a pic sometime soon.

6 April 2007

Oh my gosh...my neighbor knocked on my door and said I think you have a buddy in your car. I said to him, Huh? So I went out side and there was an adult all orange cat sitting by my car. And the neighbor said, I think there is another cat in your car, pop the hood. So I did, and there was a tiny all orange cat sitting on the engine. I thank god that the neighbor knew that cat was there. It broke my heart. She was so tiny, so scared, so cold. I couldnt let her be outside in the cold, scared, and hiding in a car engine. She wouldnt live long like that. So I took them both in. They are in my bathroom. I have 2 cats already so it breaks my heart to have go rid of them. They both have the potential to be great house cats and I know I could love them. But, Im going to take them to the spca tomorrow morning at 9. I really hate to, but I dont know anyone who can take them in. I espically love the kitten. I got her purring and it is probably the first time ever she has purred. I just love her. It breaks my heart so much.

Why do I have such a big heart for animals? My heart just melts for them. I hate it, but I love it. I could just cry sitting here thinking about them. I could offer them such a good life, good home, food, and most importantly love. I hope someone adopts them who can offer what I would give them. It just really tears me into pieces.

5 April 2007

Thanks girls for the wedding compliments. Yes, I was young. I was 18, Nick was 21. We were young, but so ready and it's the best decision we could have ever made.

Well, yesterday I got some flowers planted. Jamie and I had a blast. We didnt get nearly enough flowers though. I just wasnt sure how many, or what to get, or where I was putting them so I didnt get much. Next pay day I will grab some more. I stuck to red, white and blue flowers for out front. The flowers I got for out back I decided to put on the patio instead. So I still dont have flowers out back yet. But its ok, I got plenty of time. Its going to be cool this week, so I will wait until next week to get more and that is pay week anyways.

I will post some pictures here of some of the flowers we planted. I planted red tulips around our tall charlie brown tree but forgot to take pics of those. I will next time. Here are pictures of a Dwarf Shrub that blooms little white flowers on it, a red climbing rose bush, some other red flowers in the big pot, and red, white, and blue petunias. There is also something popping up from the ground, I guess from the people who lived here before us. Whatever it is, I like it! I have more pics, but dont want to overload you with flower pictures. So, I'll same more for next post.

Today is my doctor appointment. I cant wait to see the doctor. Im sure everything has passed. I had just barely any blood yesterday and so far today there is nothing. My BBT has dropped to AF low's, so Im going to keep temping to watch for my Ovualtion. Then after I detect O, I know AF will be on her way 14 days later. Then its on to BABY MAKING TIME AGAIN! WHOO HOOO! I'm so exicted and cant wait to get this show on the road again!

Im going to start going tanning today as long as the doctor okays it. I love the tanning bed. It so relaxing. Its like meditation for me. I always fall asleep and come out to refreshed and relaxed. Plus I look 10 times better with a tan!

I will update later after seeing the Doc today.

3 April 2007

So in love....
As much as I hate deployments, it's all worth it. Months before actual "D Day", I dread it. I go on everyday trying not to think about it, trying to forget it. Trying to forget it so we can make the best of the time we have left.

Months after actual "D Day", I am content with the fact that we will be apart. As hard as it, as empty as I feel, as much I hurt everyday, as little sleep as I get, as bored I am, as painful as it is, as much as a I ache, I know deployments are good for our marraige.

We never take our perfect marriage for granted and have or never will. We know how lucky we are. We just get caught up with every day life, and the emotions of trying to conceive, and the exhaustion Nick feels after work.

Every single day, he comes home, drops his boots, and hops in the shower. Thats when I start working on dinner. He tells me about his day, I bring dinner to the coffee table in front of where Nick plopped himself on the couch, at about 5 p.m. Then we go on eating while Im glued to the t.v. because he is glued to his laptop chatting and reading about cars. This goes on for 5 hours a day, then we go to bed.

Deployments break us of that every day habit. Being apart makes us want to be together. It makes us want to be a couple more. It breaks us of being that old married couple who dont have to say much to each other to know how each other feels. Deployments allow us to love each other more.

Deployments give us a slap in the face and tell us to cuddle more, to kiss more, to look at each other more, to say I love you more. Time apart allows us to realize how great our marriage is and how much more we want to spend every second of every day together, because you dont live forever. We realize how perfect each other is. Even when I dont take out the trash for days at a time and it starts to smell, even when Nick throws his dirty clothes beside the laundry basket and not IN the laundry basket. We love each other, and that comes with the flaws to.
Which during deployment, the flaws is what we miss most. The things that annoy us, we miss.

Deployments turn us into teenagers again. We get butterflies in our tummys. Distance makes us that much more strong, that much more in love, that much more inseperable.

We are so in love.

2 April 2007

Well, our favorite donor that gave us a baby for a short time, is not available until June or later. As you know, I cannot wait until June or later for my BFP. So we had to decide on a donor that was available. We decided to go back to the donor that we used previously for our 2nd home AI, and our 1st IUI. I was very disappointed at first, since our favorite donor was very much like Nick. Then I thought, which ever donor gives us a baby we will love just as much, it doesnt matter. And maybe our favorite donor didnt work out for a reason. I'm still kinda bummed about it, but I have to keep reminding myself, we will love the baby no matter what donor we use.

So I called this morning and ordered our vial of sperm fo rour next try! I really cannot wait. Im excited to try again and get a sticky BFP. I know it will happen.

These few days have been emotionally rough on me. Not just because of the miscarriage, but also becasue I miss Nick so much. I am so exhausted at night, all I want to do is sleep. But I get into bed and toss and turn so much that I get so frustrated and start to cry because I just want to sleep. I miss him so much it hurts. We only have 2 1/2 months left. You would think that by now I would be used to it. By now, I can sleep easily without him. But I cant. Everyday its harder and harder.

But, this too shall pass and soon enough I will be in the two week wait again, and Nick will be home.



Today it was 86 degrees out. I took Roo out front on the leash and tied him up to the tree. He was loving it! I hosed down our patio chairs, and put mulch out around the tree. Im going surround it with flowers on Wednesday. I cant wait to get started. I would have gotten started with it today, but my friend's daughter wants to help with it. Im going to take her for the day on Wed, and we are going to plant all sorts of flowers. I cant wait to see the finished product. I will take pictures and post them when its done.