I Don't Do New Year's Resolutions

This time of year, I see tons of posts, news articles, and commercials that all revolve around New Year's Resolutions. I don't play into that one. For me, creating a list of things that I resolve to do to change myself is just a set-up for failure. Yes, there are ways to make it easier, such as creating large goals and then listing small goals that work as stepping stones toward the main thing you want to change. But, with me, if I miss out on a deadline for one of those goals - large or small - I tend to give up.

That doesn't mean that I let January 1st go by just like every other day on the calendar. Instead, I like to think of the new year as a clean slate. Right now, I am working hard to get my home in order. The place is a mess. If you've been reading this blog for a while, you'll know that my husband likes finding stuff that people throw out that is still usable. Now, I have absolutely no problem using others' trash. BUT, when he keeps bringing home stuff that we really have no use for, it's not OK. Every inch of storage space we have is filled with things like extra sheets, sets of flatware, brand new & still wrapped VHS tapes (we don't even have a VCR!), small bookshelves... he even has a crib mattress in a closet - we co-sleep!

He's not the only one with a problem. I save jars, cardboard boxes, plastic containers, etc. These are things that I just know will be useful for crafting, gift-giving, or just plain reusing. But do I really need 10 empty spaghetti sauce jars? Or a stack of the fronts of pasts boxes (they have those little windows and I plan , someday, create picture frames from them)? I managed to clean out about 1/3 of these items over the holiday as packaging for gifts, but that barely touched on what needs to be done.

I want to mark the new year with a little more space in our home. I don't want to have to look for a place to put things that won't cause an avalanche of junk to cascade onto the floor. I also want to be able to clean more effectively. I haven't cleaned the entire kitchen floor in one session since I went into nesting mode when I was pregnant with little guy. I can't right now - I have to move boxes of books and paperwork from point A to point B to clean under them, wait for it to dry, then move them back. By that time, something else needs to be done, like make dinner or put Little Guy down for a nap. So, the next few days are all about purging and scrubbing.

I'm also trying to spend more time with Little Guy. He's been a real nightmare to be around lately. I'm really hoping that some serious one-on-one time in which we work together to complete a project will help get us back in tune with one another. He's also been trying to teach himself how to read, so we need to spend more time reading books with simple words together. I'm not waiting until January 1st to turn over a new parenting leaf, though. Spending quality time with my kid shouldn't be something that I need to have a goal set to motivate me into doing. I do, however, want to start that new calendar with new priorities, especially one that is as important as spending time with my kids.

So, in a year's time, I won't be posting about all of the resolutions that I've failed to keep. I do hope to be posting about the latest adventure that I had with my kids or the most recent piece of uselessness that I managed to donate to charity.



Do you do resolutions? Why or why not?

MY Post About Having a Three-Year-Old

Now, I keep reading posts by moms of three-year-olds that say their kids have suddenly morphed from sweet little toddlers into bratty little princes & princesses who are moody and demanding. Yep. I have to concur with these moms - Little Guy is the same. I've really been questioning whether I'm raising a brat or just a strong-willed and independent little boy. The kid seems to create his own tantrum situations.

"I not listen to YOU!"

 Yesterday, he woke up and demanded cake for breakfast. Now, first of all, I'm not giving him cake first thing in the morning and he knows it. Sugary goodness turns him into a bitter devil. Second, we didn't even have cake - haven't had any since October, in fact. I pointed out that we don't have cake (because the "no, you have to eat something healthy" was just asking for a tantrum), in hopes that he'd see how his request would be impossible to fulfill. Tantrum ensued anyway. And his tantrums are no longer just a toddler kicking and screaming for a few minutes before he's ready for a hug. Uh-uh. Now, they entail long periods of crying about unfairness and how I don't like him anymore. They also have toy-throwing, wall-punching, and all kinds of other lovely behavior. I end up putting him onto the bed and blocking his way off because I just won't put up with that shit. Sometimes he'll go on for an HOUR about something like I got him milk to drink rather than the juice that he telepathically told me he changed his mind about while I was pouring the milk he requested.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have read and read on how others deal with this kind of behavior (Aha! Parenting has some great articles) , but the ideas just repeatedly backfire. He's a smart little one and, while a new approach will work the first time, he sees through it the second time. I'm finally getting him to say his feelings ("I'm very, very ANGRY!!!") so I can mimic them back to show him I understand. But it's not helping - instead of yelling and screaming about the problem, he just yells and screams about his emotions.

My husband isn't helping, either. Due to some physical and mental problems, he's not spending enough time with Little Guy to even be able to understand his speech. When he is around, he gives in to the demands just to avoid the tantrums. This means that Little Guy is "the boss of Daddy" and he sure throws his weight around! When my husband just cannot give in, such as a situation like the cake one or something that is dangerous, he goes from weak-willed Daddy to the guy who's threatening to spank. Especially when Little Guy is hitting (yeah - THAT makes sense!) Then Dad leaves because "I can't deal with this anymore." UGH!

The only thing I can think of doing differently is spending more one-on-one time with him. I thought that we already did a lot of it. But, now that I stand back and evaluate our time together, we don't. We might be in the same room, but we are both doing different things. He'll be playing with his cars while I hit up Facebook for the latest news. Not really quality time.

I have a ton of projects that I want to do with him (check out my Pinterest Kids' Crafts and Recipes boards!) but I really need to get my house in order first. So, I've been working on getting our house cleaned out and organized. I've been asking him to help me, which he eagerly agrees to do. Unfortunately, he will help for only a few minutes - then he's into things he knows he should not be playing with, running into the bathroom and tossing anything he can get his hands on into the toilet, or running into my oldest's room and messing with his stuff (our doors don't close correctly, thanks to shoddy carpentry.) After five or ten minutes of cleaning, we end up throwing in the towel for a little while. It just feels like an uphill battle right now and I'm becoming disheartened and frustrated. I'm going to keep up with this, though, because I'm pretty sure that the novelty of it will wear off and he'll (eventually) be able to focus on our "Important Jobs" that I need his expert help to complete.

This kid is busy. He's smart and can see through plans and, I swear, tries to foil them just for the heck of it. He really wants to be helpful and spend quality time together - it's just that he's still at that self-centered age and wants the best for himself first. And, thanks to Daddy, he thinks that flipping out and throwing a huge tantrum is the way to get those things. I suspect that he leans toward the ADD side due to his inability to do anything for more than a few minutes - even the things he LOVES to do. He's got a great sense of self and takes pride in anything he does - especially when he doesn't need help to do it.

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? I don't do rewards for a good job - I want him to learn to do good things because he will feel good inside, not so he can get a sticker or piece of candy. He is often congratulated when he obviously struggles with something and overcomes it, whether it is getting his pants on by himself or helping me do the dishes without getting down off the chair and running around the kitchen getting into everything. He knows the rules that are unchanging (mainly safety ones) and the rules that can be bent (the "harmony ones" that help us all live together.)  

Money? What Money?! {#CarNatPar}

Welcome to the October Carnival of Natural Parenting: Money Matters
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how finances affect their parenting choices. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Photo by Aaron Patterson

I’ve learned that being “poor” is the easiest way to go green. Really, it is. Now, I’ve always leaned toward living naturally. Heck, I was the only person in my high school to celebrate Earth Day – and by “celebrate” I mean that I walked around the town I lived in and picked up trash for a couple of hours. I really didn’t know much else about it. I was raised in an upper middle-class family. We consumed and wasted a lot of stuff. Even when I was in my twenties and worked as a waitress, I didn’t really think about my lifestyle. I lived in Los Angeles, had The Oldest there, and was on a very tight budget. I guess it wasn’t tight enough – if I wanted something, I bought it. I didn’t think twice about the environment or the effects it had on my child. Then…

In early 2008, just weeks after hubby and I were married, I learned that we were expecting Little Guy. I was working third shift as a baker at a coffee shop. Just a month after finding out I was pregnant, hubby had an accident that totaled our minivan (thankfully, no one was hurt.) The next day, I found out that I couldn’t keep working at a job that had me on my feet & lifting heavy things for 8 – 10 hours a day. I had started bleeding and an ultrasound revealed that I had placenta previa. OK, no big deal. We talked it over and decided not to replace the van. Since I didn’t need to get to work at hours that the buses didn’t run anymore, we really had no need for a vehicle. It would save us a ton on gas money, insurance, and repairs (I swear, that thing cost us exactly $500 every time anything went wrong.) Hubby worked days and the buses ran right on schedule for him. So, #1 way to “afford” living more naturally:

NO CAR!

I decided to get back to school while I wasn’t working, so I started an online program that would have resulted in earning a Bachelor’s degree. I applied for financial aid and obtained a Pell Grant and a couple of student loans. Twice a year, I received a stipend check that helped pay for our utilities and rent (a.k.a. “room and board”), leaving some extra money out of hubby’s checks to pay for baby things, maternity clothes, little extras for The Oldest, etc. It was great – we were actually doing better with me home and not having a car than when I was working and driving!

We were even looking for a larger apartment. Our place was a one-bedroom, 625 sq. ft. apartment that we called “The House that Herb Built” (Herb being our landlord.) The angles of the walls, floors, and ceilings are wonky – you can never hang a picture and make it look straight because all of the angles are so crazy. The insulation (if there is any) in the walls is so thin that a gust of wind can be felt through the entire place. My Oldest had the bedroom and we were sleeping on a twin mattress in the living room. What were we going to do when Baby came?

Then, hubby was injured at work. It wasn’t a workman’s comp. type of situation, he had some medical problems that caused the accident and, as a result, was unable to work any longer. He filed for SSI in July of 2008. It was a good thing that I was at home because he needed care and someone to be around all of the time. Some of his medications had him walking around outside our apartment at 3am not knowing where he was. For a while there, I had one of those alarms on the door that beep loudly whenever it was opened so I knew if he had gotten lost on the five-foot walk from the living room to the bathroom and made his way outside. Without his income, we just couldn’t afford to move. We learned to make our small apartment work.

It can be hard, especially in the winter, with all of us in this little apartment. When cabin fever strikes, we do two things: purge our belongings and watch a TV show or DVD about how others live around the world. We receive all kinds of hand-me-down stuff from people. Rather than donating to the Salvation Army, people bring their useless junk to us instead. Then there’s hubby, who can’t go past a dumpster without peeking inside. Therefore, the place fills up rather quickly and a good purge helps. I read Momma Jorje’s Monday Minimalist posts to help get myself in the mood for this! And, because you just don’t know how good you have it until you see how other people live, I try to find some kind of show that features a family of 10 living in a hut the size of Oldest’s bedroom. We’ll all sit on the twin bed in the living room, passing around popcorn, and remind ourselves that we have it really, really good! There you have the #2 way to “afford” living more naturally:  

LIVE IN THE SMALLEST SPACE POSSIBLE.

Money started to get really tight with only my stipends to live on – they totaled only $8,000 a year. Our rent took nearly half of that, and utilities took the rest. We had to apply for food stamps – no choice. I also started going to WIC for milk, cereal, juice, etc. WIC even had a great program called Project Fresh that allotted me $50 a month to spend at the farmer’s market! We stopped eating out altogether – it was just way too expensive. We used to order pizza twice a month. I decided to make it from scratch, instead. It cost roughly $4 to make the same amount of pizza that we paid $25 to have someone deliver. (When I think about spending a whopping FIFTY DOLLARS on pizza – just two meals – every month, I want to kick myself!) I also started to make my own bread, froze as much farmer’s market produce as I could fit into the freezer, and stopped buying pop and junk food. Tortilla chips and shredded cheese, for instance, replaced chips. This was healthier AND the fact that we actually had to make nachos rather than grab a handful of chips when we were hungry made us all think twice about why we wanted to eat in the first place. Was it to fuel our bodies, or “just because”? I had also been reading a book called Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. She and her family agreed to eat only locally-grown food (I think it was within 50 miles of their home?) for one year. As she describes how the family met their challenge, some disturbing facts about fuel consumption, pesticides, and many other food-related eco-unfriendly truths are revealed. Yeah, our eating habits definitely changed and the #3 way to “afford” living more naturally was born:  

KNOW WHERE YOUR FOOD COMES FROM AND WHAT IT’S MADE FROM.

Little Guy was born and I learned that there’s a huge difference between “want” and “need”. We did not need the things that you always see on those lists from baby registries: bottles, swing, wipes warmer, monitor, crib, changing table… I had breasts (well, actually, I still have them!) that held his food at the right temperature and didn’t cost anything, I held him all of the time, we made our own wipes on an as-needed basis so the water was always warm, um – don’t need a monitor if you’re in the vicinity of baby all of the time, we co-sleep, a blanket on the floor or bed works perfectly as a changing table. I can go on and on about how all of those “must have” items are a waste of money, space, and resources. The only thing that we really had to worry about was laundry and diapers. I never had the full amount needed to invest in cloth and, just three years ago, the availability of affordable cloth diapers was limited (or I just didn’t know where to look.) Clothing, toys, etc. were easy to come by – we either received hand-me-downs or I hit up the local thrift stores. When he started eating food, I just made my own from farmer’s market finds. Rather than buying all kinds of little freezer bowls and special baby food making equipment, I just used the blender and asked on Freecycle.com for some baby food jars. Hence, #4 of how to “afford” living more naturally:

LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “NEED” AND “WANT”.

Since this is getting very long, I’m going to make this the last one (yay!)* One thing I worry about is my Oldest son. He is growing up with friends whose families are still stuck in consumer mode. Even though we live closer to the low-socioeconomic side of town, his friends still get new shoes & clothing, video games, junk food, etc. And here’s my kid, trying to be cool in last year’s styles from the thrift store, trying to keep up on the newest video games so he can talk about them without actually having ever seen them, and eating an apple for a snack rather than a bag of Cheeto's. He doesn’t complain, but I know it’s hard. Now that he’s in high school, it’s even harder. Other kids judge. And, while it’s all well and good to keep telling him that they’re just being stupid teens and one day they’ll realize that the style of shirt you’re wearing doesn’t define who you are – it doesn’t make today any easier for him.

So, without a lot of money and attempting to live green, I started to enter blog giveaways and take surveys that offer Amazon.com gift cards and PayPal payments. I use these to get gifts and “cool” stuff for the kids, especially my Oldest. Last week, he gave me his Christmas list. Yeah, I know… BEFORE October even started! You know why? “Because I know that if you win something, it can take a while for it to get here.” He made up a very modest list of things he’d like because he knows that I can attempt to enter giveaways or check out Amazon for sales of these items. Some of the things I win or buy aren’t 100% green, but I have to remember what I felt like when I was his age. I want him to feel good about himself and have the self-esteem that I didn’t. This year, he will be wearing his very first non-homemade costume for Halloween thanks to a giveaway I won (kinda cool since it'll be his last year trick-or-treating!) I know that he understands my lifestyle choices and he knows why I made the decisions I have made. He and I have had numerous conversations about why such-and-such is bad (for him, for people, for the earth…) and I see him making eco-friendly decisions more and more. However, it’s important to note that I made these choices for me. I cannot deprive him of the things he wants or make him feel bad for wanting them just because of my opinions. The final thing to remember if you want to “afford” to live more naturally is:

FIND WAYS TO LET YOUR KIDS BE PART OF THE CROWD.

So, how do you live more naturally and still make ends meet? We’ve gone without and learned how to live comfortably, but there’s always room for improvement!
Any suggestions?

*I have a lot more to say on this subject, but I wanted to keep it at a readable length. :)

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon October 11 with all the carnival links.)

• Money Matter$ — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her experiences on several ways to save money as a parent.
• A different kind of life... — Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her utopian life and how it differs from her current one!
• Show Me The Money! — Arpita of Up, Down & Natural shares her experience of planning for parenting costs while also balancing the financial aspect of infertility treatments.
• Material v Spiritual Wealth - Living a Very Frugal Life with Kids — Amy at Peace 4 Parents shares her family's realizations about the differences between material and spiritual wealth.
• If I Had a Money Tree — Sheila at A Gift Universe lists the things she would buy for her children if money were no object.
• Financial Sacrifices, Budgets, and the Single Income Family — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama looks at the importance of living within your means, the basics of crafting a budget, and the "real cost" of working outside of the home.
• Overcoming My Fear of All Things Financial — Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares how she is currently overcoming her fear of money and trying to rectify her ignorance of all things financial.
• Confessions of a Cheapskate — Adrienne at Mommying My Way admits that her cheapskate tendencies that were present pre-motherhood only compounded post-baby.
• Money Matters — Witch Mom hates money; here's why.
• Money? What Money?! — Alicia C. at McCrenshaw's Newest Thoughts describes how decisions she's made have resulted in little income, yet a green lifestyle for her and her family.
• What matters. — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life might worry about spending too much money on the grocery budget, but she will not sacrifice quality to save a dollar.
• Making Ends Meet — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares about being a working mom and natural parent.
• Poor People, Wealthy Ways — Sylvia at MaMammalia discusses how existing on very little money allows her to set an example of how to live conscientiously and with love.
• The Green Stuff — Amyables at Toddler In Tow shares how natural parenting has bettered her budget - and her perspective on creating and mothering.
• Jemma's Money — Take a sneak peek at That Mama Gretchen's monthly budget and how Jemma fits into it.
• 5 Tips for How to Save Time and Money by Eating Healthier — Family meal prep can be expensive and time-consuming without a plan! Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares five easy tips for how to make your cooking life (and budget) easier.
• Belonging in the Countryside — Lack of money led Phoebe at Little Tinker Tales towards natural parenting, but it also hinders her from realizing her dream.
• Total Disclosure and Total Reform — Claire at The Adventures of Lactating Girl gets down to the nitty gritty of her money problems with hopes that you all can help her get her budget under control.
• Save Money by Using What You Have — Gaby at Tmuffin is only good with money because she's lazy, has trouble throwing things away, and is indecisive. Here are some money-saving tips that helped her manage to quit her job and save enough money to become a WAHM.
• Two Hippos & Ten Euros: A Lesson in Budgeting — MudpieMama shares all about how her boys managed a tight budget at a recent zoo outing.
• ABBA said it — Laura from A Pug in the Kitchen ponders where her family has come from, where they are now and her hopes for her children's financial future.
• Money vs. Time — Momma Jorje writes about cutting back on junk, bills, and then ultimately on income as well ~ to gain something of greater value: Time.
• An Unexpected Cost of Parenting — Moorea at MamaLady shares how medical crises changed how she feels about planning for parenthood.
• 5 Ways This Stay at Home Mom Saves Money — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares 5 self-imposed guidelines that help her spend as little money as possible.
• Frugal Parenting — Lisa at My World Edenwild shares 8 ways she saves money and enriches her family's lives at the same time.
• Conscious Cash Conscious — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares her 5 money-conscious considerations that balance her family’s joy with their eco-friendly ideals.
• Money, Sex and Having it All — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains how she's willing to give up one thing to get another. (And just for fun, she pretends to give advice on how to build capital in the bedroom.)
• Money could buy me ... a clone? — With no local family to help out, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama wants childcare so she can take care of her health.
• Spending Intentionally — CatholicMommy loves to budget! Join her to learn what to buy, what not to buy, and, most importantly, where to buy.
• New lessons from an allowance — Lauren at Hobo Mama welcomes a follow-up guest post from Sam about the latest lessons their four-year-old's learned from having his own spending money.
• How to Homeschool without Spending a Fortune — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares tips and links to many resources for saving money while homeschooling from preschool through high school.
• It's Not a Baby Crisis. It's Not Even a Professional Crisis. — Why paid maternity leave, you may ask? Rachael at The Variegated Life has some answers.
• "Making" Money — Do you like to do-it-yourself? Amy at Anktangle uses her crafty skills to save her family money and live a little greener.
• Money On My Mind — Luschka at Diary of a First Child has been thinking about money and her relationship with it, specifically how it impacts on her parenting, her parenting choices, and ultimately her lifestyle.
• Spending, Saving, and Finding a Balance — Melissa at The New Mommy Files discusses the various choices she and her family have made that affect their finances, and finds it all to be worth it in the end.
• Accounting for Taste — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares their budget and talks about how they decided food is the most important item to budget for.
• Money Matters... But Not Too Much — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting shares how her family approaches money without putting too much of a focus onto it.
• Parenting While Owning a Home Business — In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Lauren at Hobo Mama lays out the pros and cons of balancing parenting with working from home.
• Crunchy Living is SO Expensive...Or Is It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about her biggest objection to natural living - and her surprise at what she learned.
• Mo' Money, Mo' Problems — Sarah at Parenting God's Children shares how a financial accountability partner changed her family's finances.
• The Importance of Food Planning — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro discusses how food budgeting and planning has helped her, even if she doesn't always do it.
• Kids & Money: Starting an Allowance for Preschoolers — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings discusses her family's approach and experiences with starting an allowance for preschoolers.

Thank You, MegaBrands!

A couple of months ago, I applied to become a Mega Bloks Mom. A Mega Bloks Mom gets to try out new products for a year and give feedback to the company. Boy, did I want to do that! Sadly, I didn't get chosen. They only had around 15 spots, so it's not like I expected to, you know? BUT, when they sent me the email giving me the news, they offered a consolation prize. I was able to choose from a ton of stuff!

It was kind of weird because there wasn't a form to fill out or even instructions on how to tell them what I wanted. Just a link to a page with all of these really cool toys listed. So, I took a shot in the dark and replied to the consolation letter. Well, guess what showed up today... Yep - my prize! Check this out:

It's perfect timing because I'm running low on craft supplies! And, maybe next year I'll get chosen, right?!

Thank You, Mega Brands!!!

Do Rewards Equate to Bribery? {Natural Parenting Blog Party}

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I am currently in my final year of earning my Bachelor of Science in Education and Sociology. Throughout my education, I have repeatedly come across "ways to get students to do what they want" portions of nearly every class. Nearly every one of these lists starts with bribery - "To motivate your students to do well on a test, give a piece of candy to each student that gets an 'A'. As other students observe this reward system, they will also try harder on tests so they may also receive a reward." It makes me sick. Really, I'm not kidding. I think that children should learn based on internal motivations and that motivation gets squashed almost as soon as they step into a classroom that offers candy or other treats for learning. I've literally received lower grades in classes for going against this line of thought. I could have just written papers full of hypocrisy that follow what was being taught, but I think that this is wrong and I want my voice to be heard by my classmates on this matter - especially when these student teachers are still forming their own opinions.

As a parent, I have made the mistake of playing the "If-Then" rewards game many times over. In fact, I'm going through it right now. It's so easy to get your kids to do things you want or need them to do when you can say, "If you pick up all of your toys, then I will let you have a cookie!" Those blocks generally get cleaned up immediately! It was working amazingly well. That is, until recently.

My kids had started to weigh whether the reward was worth their efforts. I usually send my oldest down to the store on the corner to pick up milk or eggs. When he went, I was giving him an extra dollar to get himself a snack. Last week, when I asked him to run down there for me, he said no. WHAT?! He told me he wasn't hungry and, anyway, we already had some peanut butter crackers if he did get hungry. And Little Guy refused to pick up his blocks - over and over. I was getting desperate to the point that I was escalating the prize without even realizing what I was doing. He finally picked them up when I offered a brownie (he rarely gets anything chocolate.) Reality set in. I was doing the one thing that I was so out-spoken against in my classes. I needed to change my tactics right away.

With my oldest, it's much easier to just explain the situation and have him understand. He's a pretty rational guy. I simply told him that we needed milk and I couldn't take Little Guy out because it was too windy and chilly to walk with him. He is old enough to be responsible for getting an item I needed to make dinner and so he could go get it - without the extra dollar. He stomped out the door. But, when he came back, he apologized and told me he understood. He even suggested that I stop giving him the extra money and just buy him surprise snacks once in a while. Um... OK!

Now, the little guy is not that easily placated. He is used to getting special treats for doing what I want. As I was writing the Crafting with Toddlers post, it occurred to me that his "reward" for following the directions is the sense of pride he gets when the project is finished. So, I am very slowly working on getting him to do other things and then trying to instill that same pride in a job well done. For instance, when he cleaned up his blocks this morning, he received no treats (much to his dismay at first.) Instead, I brought out a special medal that I won from One Busy Moma. It is from Tatutina and it says "Super Hero" on it. I ceremoniously put it over his head and told him that he could wear it for a little while because he did a great job cleaning up his mess. I showed him how clean the floor was and how I could walk on it without stepping on blocks. I told him that he must be growing up because he was taking good care of his toys so they wouldn't get broken. You get the picture... Anyway, he had pride in his work. He told Daddy about his clean floor and showed him the medal. He did the same for his brother. And both of the cats. And his Juno doll. And just about all of his other toys.

He even wore it outside to show off to the neighbors!

At dinnertime, we took the medal off and I put it away. Later, before bed, it was time to clean up the toys again. This time he just did it. No begging or reminding him to stay on task. And, when he was done, he proudly announced to anyone who would listen that HE made the floor all clean. I have periodically used the medal to show him some extra appreciation when he's told me he needed to go potty, after he's helped me cook dinner, when we've finished vacuuming, etc. I don't put it on him every time he does something helpful. It's more of an extra way for me to show my appreciation than it is a reward.

Meanwhile, my oldest has been doing the extra things I ask him to do without asking what he'll get in return.Yeah, REALLY!!! I think that my speaking to him as an adult rather than a kid has helped. He understands that, as he gets older, I am depending on him to do more to help our family function. He's even been asking me if I need anything from the store lately! And, when I ask him to take out the trash, he just does it - no stomping or slamming doors. And - GUESS WHAT - last Sunday morning, I slept in until 10 AM! He came into my room when he heard Little Guy wake up, changed his diaper, made him instant oatmeal, and played with him until I woke up in a panic, "OMG! Where's the baby?! He escaped!!!" - LOL!! He told me he figured it was my turn to sleep in.

While this turn of events is wonderful, I can't help but wonder how long it will last. Will I find myself playing the "If-Then" game again? I hope not but, if memory serves me right, I just may.

How do you get your kids to do things?  

What have you tried that doesn't work?  

What are your thoughts on the rewards system in schools and at home?  

I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

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If you're interested in Tatutina, you can check out their medals HERE. They're only $5 each and cover a variety of subjects (we also have the Awesome Artist medal, won from a second giveaway at Hanging Off the Wire!) In addition to the medals, they carry a variety of other products including wooden take-out menu boxes, dog treat boxes, foot stools, and bookends - just to name a few. All of their products are made with non-toxic materials, so don't worry if you find your little one chewing on the leg of her foot stool! LOL

***I did not receive any compensation for this post. I received two Tatutina Medals from two separate blog giveaways. I think they're pretty cool, along with Tatutina's other stuff, and wanted to share this great site with my readers.



I am also linking this post to the Alexa Hops on Real Mom Reviews. Please, read the rules below (as posted on Real Mom Reviews!) if you would like to join in:

Welcome to Week Six of the "Lower Your Alexa Hop"!

This is a COMMENT hop!

Don't read the rules, I will delete your link!

 This hop works a bit differently than most!
IMPORTANT Please make sure you have the ALEXA TOOLBAR installed.

Information on why you need the toolbar HERE 

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Think this hop is awesome!? Grab the button and help spread the word!

----------RULES----------

Leave a link to a post on your site you would like comments on.

Links to your main page, will be deleted.

Hop to the links above yours and leave a comment!

During the weekend come back and hop around to the links under yours and leave comments

Last time I change the day of this post I swear.. Since it takes so much time to hop to each site, I'm moving this to a weekend hop. I will post it weekly from now on Fridays at 7pm. I promise I won't change it again