Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 5: Take Care of YOU!

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Now, here's a topic that I can't stand to deal with. Yes, I know. This is one of those pieces of advice that everyone gives, yet no one seems to actually take. How in the world am I supposed to find time to do what I want when I have to take care of all of these people and make sure the house is clean, too?! Wanting to do my own thing just feels too... indulgent. Until recently.

You see, I've been becoming increasingly resentful toward my husband and sons. They constantly ask me for things, even expect them to be done, and I don't get much reciprocity in return. Christmas was the breaking point for me. I had so looked forward to the holiday. Planned lots of fun things to do, had high hopes for getting a chance to bake and craft, and wanted this to just be a great time of excitement for the kids. But it was all a struggle. Now, I'm not going to say I took on too much or expected too much from everyone. I asked my husband and oldest to PLEASE take turns hanging out with Little Guy for one hour a day so I could do my own thing, which was essentially to "make" Christmas for them. It worked for about a week, then they were too busy (watching TV, eating, and playing games on the computer) to help. "Why don't you just wait until he's taking a nap?" And the resentment wasn't just aimed at my ungrateful hubby and teen. Little Guy, who loved helping me in the kitchen just a few weeks earlier, decided that he was bored with it all and preferred to run like a heathen through the kitchen, grabbing everything he could reach and throwing down the stairs. So, yes, I was not too keen on his "help", either.

All of this resentment came to a head on New Year's Day. I woke up in a great mood. New year, new outlook, let's start fresh, blah, blah, blah... My oldest woke up and very snottily informed me that we were out of milk, as if it was MY fault and MY sole responsibility to get more. Little Guy, upon hearing of the milk situation, demanded warm milk and honey to drink. The demands became ear-piercing screams because my oldest (who is very lucky I didn't decide that my no-spanking policy was shit) was holding the empty milk jug in Little Guy's face, saying in a cheeky tone, "What's wrong with you? Are you STUPID? There IS no milk! Mom didn't get us any!" That's when hubby came out. "Will you guys keep it down? I can't hear the TV." He decided to go take a shower (which I hadn't gotten a chance to take in a week, by the way, because no one would hang out with Little Guy - he needs to be paid attention to while he's sleeping, too, because he tends to wake up and be very stealthy!)

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! 

I AM SO GODDAMN SICK AND TIRED OF 

YOU PEOPLE BEING HELPLESS IDIOTS. 

OLDEST - GO TO THE F***ING STORE AND 

BUY SOME F***ING MILK!!! 

LITTLE GUY, JUST F***ING DEAL WITH 

THE FACT THAT THERE'S NO MILK. 

AND, HUBBY, IF EVEN ONE DROP OF WATER 

TOUCHES YOUR BODY BEFORE I GET A SHOWER,

YOU'LL REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE -

WHICH WILL NOT BE VERY LONG!!!!!"

You could hear a pin drop. They all stared blankly at me. I pointed at my oldest and he RAN into the bedroom to change his clothes for his trip to the store. My husband jumped at the teen's movement and ran to pick up Little Guy. He got him some hot tea to satisfy him until the milk showed up. Little Guy did the best thing of the three of them: He ran over and gave me a big hug and said, "Sorry, Mama." I took my shower and felt 100% better... physically. I apologized to my family and they all looked at the floor guiltily. They "got" why I flipped out.

Now, I told you this because this could happen to you if you do not take time for yourself. You can become burned out, miserable, resentful, and may even begin to wonder if you really want to be "mommy" and "honey" to these people you live with. You slowly forget who you are, what you want out of life, what makes you happy. You're there to please others. Period.

So, this week, I suggest you try to remember who you were before hubby and the kids. What did you expect you'd be doing at your age? What kind of things do you enjoy doing? Do not make a list of things that you need/want to do around the house. It doesn't count. Make a dream list. Next, see if any of those things on your list could be modified to fit into your life right now. I expected to be an artist. While I have neither the money for supplies, nor the time to devote to this, I can take a little time each week to just create... Pinterest, here I come! Next, make yourself a list of realistic things you'd like for yourself. These could be as simple as "Take an hour-long bath." or "Give myself a pedicure." Nothing that takes a huge amount of time or money. Do one each day. Yes - each day.

Love on yourself. If it makes you feel guilty, think of it this way: You want to be a mindful parent, right? In order to be a mindful of others, you need to practice on yourself. I was angry at my family. Looking back to the weeks before my New Year's Day Fireworks, I was not treating my family mindfully. Heck, I was not treating them well at all. I did all the things I was supposed to do, but there was no smile on my face or love in my heart while I was doing them. I fought for every second of time to be able to do those things and, by the time I actually got that time, I was ticked off at my family.

This week, I will make sure to take time for me. Creatively, physically, and emotionally. In fact, I've already started tonight. But, I'll wait until next week to tell you about it!

I'd like to invite you to link any posts you have written on the topic of being mindful of yourself in the linky below. I'd love to hear your ideas and thoughts on this subject. I really need all the help I can get - I do not ever want to feel that way I did about the most important people in the world, nor do I want them to ever witness the explosion from me the way they did first thing in the morning on the first day of 2012!

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We're in This Together (Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

I know I keep saying this, but this topic is a really tough one for me to write about.Way back in June, I wrote THIS POST about some of the problems I was encountering at the time. The fifth one is about some problems between my husband and myself. They've gotten better and then worse, back and forth, since then. Our relationship is a mess right now and it's not going to be an easy fix. Most people, if I were to give them the entire story, would have told me to get the hell out a long time ago. But, in my opinion, this is one of the problems with society today: If it's broke, throw it away and get a new one. Well, I won't throw out a broken vacuum cleaner without trying every possible way I can think of to fix it and I'm not going to do that with my marriage.

However, this "broken" relationship makes parenting as partners really tough. Over the past year or so, I've slowly taken over all aspects of the role of "parent". My husband has become the teenage roommate who happens to share our space. He is a fun companion for the kids... when he feels like spending some time with them. He doesn't regularly enforce rules, he allows Little Guy to manipulate him into giving him whatever he wants. This will go on for 10 minutes to an hour until my hubby just boils over and starts yelling and threatening to spank. Not cool with me at all. Especially after he's gotten the kid all wired up and made him think that he rules all. It literally goes from "Super Crazy Fun Time" to "I've Had it!!!" in seconds. There are lots more things I could while about on the subject, but I think you might get the idea.

I don't yell at my husband. I wait until they're asleep before I attempt to confront any situations from earlier that day that I think need discussing. The spanking issue is a hot button around here. He never spanked his older kids. It's one of the things that attracted me to the guy. But now, rather than actually working at figuring out why the behavior from Little Guy is defiant, he would rather just jump to threatening to hit him. His reason for thinking spanking this child is because, "... he's just like I was as a kid and I know how to handle a kid like that." Um... yeah. So spanking kept you from starting your "career" as a drug addict at 11 years old? Spanking kept you from burning down a neighbor's house 'just because' at 13? Spanking kept you from running away from home at 15? I can go on, but you get the picture here, too, right? Anyway, that's the biggest issue we have in the parenting arena.

There are others. I really would like him to be more consistent with the time he spends with the kids. One day, he'll hang out with the family all day long. Then, there might be an entire week where he's so wrapped up in himself that he won't even bother to look at the kids. I know some of this has to do with pain. I can be understanding when he hurts so badly that he just can't concentrate on the kids. But, I really think that most of it has to do with him not feeling like it.

So, I talk to him when the kids aren't awake. I explain my reasons for how I would like the kids raised. I listen to what he has to say. Our conversations don't (usually) get out of hand and to the bitching, nagging, or yelling stage. By the time we're done, he will usually agree that he needs to work more on being consistent, not giving in to puppy dog eyes and tantrums, being around on a regular basis, etc. We'll make a plan of action so he can ease into this more easily and so the kids can get used to the changes, too. It'll work for a week or so, then it becomes too much work and he goes back to the old way of "parenting".

This past week, I followed Erin's advice of what to work on in my relationship. I'm going to have to do this more often because I'm just not sure how it's going to work out over a long period of time. The first thing she asked that we do for the topic "Partners in Parenting" was figure out what your relationship needs most and work on that one thing. The next step was to take a day and put my partner first for the entire day. They both kind of backfired on me. I think that the change in me might have confused hubby some, so I'll keep this up and see if it doesn't get better.

I think that our relationship, as a married couple and not parents, is honesty. I don't lie to my husband, but I will withhold information if it makes me "right" and him "wrong". That's a deception, too. So, I flat out told him what I was up to. I explained that I think we both need to be 100% honest about our feelings, actions, thoughts... everything. Yes, it might sting a little to hear certain things from one another, but it's important to share them rather than bottle them up. And, we're in this together: this marriage, this parenting thing, this LIFE. We have to be able to trust one another above anyone else in the world! I told him that, rather than trying to find the lie in everything he says (I swear, he lies and doesn't even have a reason except to "see if I can get away with it"), I'm going to trust that he's being honest. I do it with my kids, why not him? Well, he's been lying like crazy about all kinds of stupid things since. I think he, just like a child, is testing to see if I'll fall back into second-guessing everything he says. To see if I'll still love him even if he lies. So, it's not been all that great. I hate being lied to - it makes me feel as if I am not valuable as a person to the one who's lying. I really hope his little testing phase will be over soon...

As for the putting your partner first for the entire day... Ha! He's suspicious. Asking if he'd like me to make him a snack rather than just leaving him to do it kind of freaked him out a little. Seeing that he was having computer problems, I offered to help. I usually let him deal on his own - that man can download 1,00 viruses in five minutes flat - because it always, always, always takes hours to fix his mistakes... and he always claims he wasn't doing anything but reading his Facebook news feed. I offered to help, then didn't get frustrated with him for screwing it up so badly, as I usually do. I asked him if he wanted a back rub when he complained about it hurting. Once he got used to the idea that I was trying to be nice and think of his needs, he started to take advantage... just like a child would. He was asking me to hand him the phone that was ringing and sitting 1 foot away from him. He asked me to do all kinds of silly little things that he didn't need help with just to see if I'd do them. It was really annoying and, when I was busy with Little Guy, I had to tell him to do it himself. But I did try to put him before myself. I can't do this everyday, but I will revisit this again, whenever I can. My theory is that he'll eventually stop taking advantage. Then, maybe he'll even reciprocate. That's how a marriage should be, right?

So, while there really is not conclusion to this topic for me right now, I will continue working at it. I think that, once we can get our relationship with each other going in the right direction, we can work on the parenting aspect. For now, I can accept being the parent. Oh, and my kids will never hear me bad-mouthing my husband. They will, however, hear and see me trying my best to treat him with respect. It's important, not only to them, but to our entire family.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 4: Partners in Parenting

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

The relationship between a child's parents can have a huge effect on that child's emotional stability. Whether you are married, living together, separated, or divorced - it is important that your children see a good, healthy unity between parents. When I was 7, my parents divorced. It wasn't pretty, to say the least. In fact, I have blocked many of the memories of that time in my life. My parents couldn't stand each other. They made sure that I, and my siblings, knew it.  I remember becoming physically ill when I was going from my mom's to my dad's and back again. We were put into positions where we felt we had to be loyal to both parents at the same time. In fact, when I was 12, I had my first full-on migraine. I had to choose between living with my mom and living with my dad. It was horrible: I couldn't move - heck, breathing was torture - for a full two days. Growing up with feuding parents has had a negative effect on my adult relationships. it took me a very long time to figure out how to conduct myself!

So, this week's topic is "Partners in Parenting" and I really believe that this is an important one to consider. Head over to it's OK to see what Erin has written about this topic. She gives some great examples of things that you can focus on to help make your relationship more mindful. Then, check back here on Friday (I promise I'll try to get this done on time!) and see how I managed to work on my relationship!

Positively Negative... Until Now. {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

If you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Remember when I vowed to make sure I posted on this every Friday? Well, I didn’t plan on Thanksgiving to give me such a feeling of blah. I just didn’t have the motivation to write. I’ve posted some giveaways and a couple of other things, but it’s not like I was writing something spectacular, you know?

And other thing: I’ve really been procrastinating on this particular post. As I wrote in the intro post to the third topic, Being Positive, I gave a ton of reasons that explain why it is important to be a positive parent. I believe them all to be true. I don’t think that the occasional negative attitude will screw up my kids’ well-being for life. But, looking up, rather than down, most of the time is best. That said, I must confess that I have a very hard time being positive. I haven’t always been this way. The more I saw promises go unfulfilled, the more lies I was told, the more I built something up only to watch it crumble before my eyes… Well, it hurt more each time it happened.

Even the little things started to get to me. Things like planning a family picnic. I’d tell my husband that I’d like to go on a picnic next Saturday. Throughout the week, I’d remind him. We’d talk about bringing some games, should we pack a meal or bring a bunch of sacks, would we bring a blanket to sit on or can we sit at picnic tables, etc. Toward the end of the week, I’d start mentioning that I’d like to leave at a certain time. On the day of the picnic, hubby would inevitably wake up with a headache or some other ailment. So, staying positive, I’d try to get things together by myself: make and pack food, get all of the kids’ supplies together, get the kids dressed, get myself ready… All while trying to keep an eye on a very wily toddler! The entire time, I’d be positive, “Oh, this extra rest will help him feel better!” Thirty minutes before it was time to leave, I’d go see how hubby was feeling. He’d get up and ever-so-slowly start to get ready. An hour later, he’d still be screwing around, doing a million things that he doesn’t need to do that suddenly become important NOW. The kids would start to get restless, fight with each other, get hungry… I’d finally just tell hubby he could stay home. He’d act disappointed, but agree that I should just take the kids by myself… again. The whole picnic would end up being a disaster. I’d be grouchy from the entire thing with my husband. The kids would still be tired and hungry. Little Guy would hit “I can’t hear a word you say to me” mode. I’d end up yelling, we’d leave the park much sooner that expected, I’d get home and just be so disappointed in everything.

So, I taught myself to think of all of the bad things that could happen. I’d make myself believe that they’d all occur. I figured that, that way, when something went right, it’s be a bonus! Suddenly, I was thinking negatively about everything. I became a helicopter mama – Little Guy could fall off the playground steps and crack his head open. Someone might see my oldest walking to his friend’s house and kidnap him. Every little thing had me freaking out. It wasn’t fun.

My oldest snapped me out of it. One day he had been invited to go with a friend to one of those splash mountain water park places. He came home, excited, and told me all about it and how much fun he’d have. Then he started adding little things like, “I hope their car doesn’t break down this week so we can’t go.” And, “I wonder if their floors are slippery? I don’t want to fall and get hurt.” There were more of these comments until he had talked himself into believing that something was going to happen between now and the date of the trip that would prevent it from happening. He comforted himself from the disappointment by deciding that it would probably be better if he didn’t go because it could end up being dangerous both driving there and at the water park. Isn’t it interesting how our children show us the real reflection in the mirror?

I knew I had to stop the negativity. I knew, but it was hard to do. I can’t stop myself from feeling crushed when my hope is trampled. I still haven’ figured out how to do this. I have learned to not be expectant of anything – in either a positive or a negative way. When I plan a picnic, I just plan. I don’t expect it to be good or bad, I just expect that we’ll have a picnic. It’s not as fun as getting excited about it and anticipating the joy we’ll have together. I’d love to be positive all of the time – LOVE IT. However, I am not ready for it.

Right now, I think that passively planning for things is best for me. I know I can’t expect everything to go wrong all of the time. I also know that I cannot take the emotional roller coaster that excitement and disappointment will bring. I am working on being positive, though, in small steps. This holiday season, for instance, I have decided to try to be positive. I made an Advent calendar and included little activities to do for each of the 24 days. They are little holiday activities that run the gamut from easy, five-minute crafts to spending a few hours at a museum. Rather than thinking of all that could go wrong or thinking of nothing at all while I plan, I am going to try to let myself get excited about our daily activities. I think that the trick, for me, is to not put any real expectations into the excitement. In other words, I will try my best not to envision us, as a family, walking hand-in-hand through the museum – with the kids cooperating with each other, Little Guy following all of the rules without my having to remind him, Hubby chatting away at me and happy to be there… Nope, I’m just going to be excited to get out of the house to go look at the decorated Christmas trees on display there.

Hopefully, by being a little positive in each of our daily activities, I will form a habit of thinking positive when it comes to other things.
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Forgive and Forget? {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Once again, I'm way behind! This time, though, it's not been because I've been too busy. No, I've spent quite a bit of time just sitting here, staring at an empty screen. I just don't know what to wrote about forgiveness. It's a HUGE word with a ton of meaning.

There have been many instances in my life where I've had to forgive. I think that's true for everyone. No one goes through life with no one doing something to them - even if it's a tiny little thing. I've had some pretty big problems with people. Sometimes I've been embarrassed, other times I've been hurt. Sometime during my 20's I realized that forgiving those things is the best way to go. Stewing in anger or trying to figure out how to get back at someone only causes stress and an overall bad temperament. Even if you let the issue drop on the outside, but harbor bad feelings inside, it can eat you alive. Letting go is so freeing!

So, "forgive and forget" became my motto. It worked so very well for quite a while. I could easily forgive - even when someone did something mean and nasty on purpose. I just felt sorry for them. I mean, how terrible must one's life be that they feel they must make someone else miserable? But, I learned that the forget part isn't all that great. I've been burnt by the same person for the same reasons repeatedly. There's a line you just have to draw to protect yourself from further abuse.

This is where I have a problem. I look at forgiveness as completely dropping the whole incident. I can't put a relationship straight unless I can start anew with the person. Constantly being on guard against another wave of trouble hampers that relationship. I'm looking inside and trying to figure out how I can do this. It's not easy and I'd love anyone who has figured it out to PLEASE help me! (I'm not talking about silly little things. I can get over those. It's the big ones that rock my life, and sometimes mu family's, that I'm talking about here.)

Now, let's turn to me. I have worked hard to learn how to forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made. I used to just treat myself like crap because I didn't think I was good enough for the blessings I had. Then, I realized that those mistakes were important to create who I am now. First, I have learned from them. I know better to do the same stupid junk again. I think that, if I can say I've learned something, then the mistake was probably worth it. Next, I realized that you can't go back and change things. No matter how much guilt I laid upon myself, I could never, ever change the things that happened. If I can't change it, I have to let it go. Guilt can make one feel the way I did - worthless and undeserving. Finally, there are a couple of things that I won't let me forgive myself for. Yep - I said it. I'm not going to tell you what they are, but they're not pretty. I'm waiting patiently until I can right those wrongs. Until then, I just cannot let these go. I will try to fix them, or at least do my best to do so. But until that time arrives, they'll stay in my heart.

I also want to tell you that I think that showing forgiveness is the best way to teach my children how to do the same. I don't want them growing up and carrying guilt around. We talk about hypothetical situations in which their decisions could hurt or help someone. We talk about things that have happened to them that are causing sadness and anger, then we figure out how to forgive. When I make a mistake, I admit it to them. I'm not to pompous and stubborn to make them believe that I'm perfect. Showing them that I'm sorry (not just saying it!) helps them let go and forgive me for screwing up.

Lastly, I need to share the whole "I'm Sorry" thing. I don't make my kids apologize for things. They do it on their own. In this house, "I'm sorry" means "I screwed up and learned from it. I will try my best not to make the same mistake again." I think that children who are forced to apologize without really knowing why and then let off the hook learn that those two magic words erase all wrongdoing. The problem is they don't learn the part about not doing it again. I was raised this way and so was my husband. I learned the difference. He is still learning. When he says "I'm sorry" to me, it is just words. I tell him so. I remind him that he has to show me he's sorry because the words aren't an eraser.

If you've written a post on forgiveness, please add it here. It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

If you'd like to add this linky to your own post(s), click HERE to grab the HTML.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 2: Forgiveness

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE.

Yeah. So the plan was to post every Friday, but as you can see, that's just not happening. Life seems to have "interfered" with blogging. I can easily forgive myself for this because, as one who is striving to be a more mindful parent, I feel that taking the time to pay more attention to my children and husband is the first priority. There are a million things that I must forgive myself for in my past, though. Some I will be able to work through. But others I'm not so sure about. They are VERY BIG things that may take me until my dying day to feel OK with - if I can do so at all. 

If you head on over to Erin's post about the topic of forgiveness at it's OK, you'll find a very in-depth look at what Topic 2 is all about. Here is an excerpt, but I urge you to read her entire post:

"Our second topic in the Mindful Parenting Collaboration is Forgiveness. If you practiced ten minutes a day of inner work for topic one, guess what? It's not time to stop. In fact, to live and parent mindfully, daily inner work is an important thing to strive for until it becomes a natural habit. For the next two weeks we challenge you to focus your inner work on Forgiveness."

"This week, make a list of things you need to let go of. Choose something to focus on releasing. Whatever type of inner work you prefer, focus on this release as you do it this week. You might want to write about it and link up next week. Or you might find that this topic is personal and best kept to yourself. Either way, join us and do some letting go!"

Though I am late in posting, I have been thinking things over. I tend to look on myself as a very forgiving person but, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if that's true. If someone does something against me or a loved one, I may not outwardly say, "I hate that person", but I will separate myself from them. No more contact, I might think of them from time to time, but I don't really worry about them. I think these might be grudges that I need to let go of. I have some major problems with my husband and some things he did in the past. I cannot trust him 100% and, if I can't trust him, how can I give him my entire heart? I need to work on forgiving him. Finally, there's me. As I said, there are some things that I cannot let go of. There are others that will take time, but with some work, I can forgive myself for. 

So, although it's in my head, I need to make an actual list of all of the forgiving I need to do. Having a visual reminder will help me keep on this, rather than "forgetting" and then not getting around to it. Keep on the look out for my follow-up post on Friday (hopefully!!!) to see how I've done.

If you've written a post on forgiveness, please add it here. It does not have to be a new post. This is a collaboration and all aspects are welcome. We can learn from each other and help one another on this journey toward more mindful parenting!

Michigan Spinning Company - Review and Extra (Easy) Entry {#MadeInMichigan}

This is a review for one of my sponsors of the Made in Michigan Blog Giveaway Hop, which will take place from October 28 – November 2. I will be offering my readers the chance to win a (Hand)Made in Michigan prize package worth nearly $200! Please take a moment to read about this wonderful Etsy shop and then fill out the Rafflecopter form below for a very easy extra entry into the giveaway.



We all wear clothes, right? (Well, most of us - Little Guy has decided to venture into nudist territory lately.) Did you even consider the fact that everything we wear - from wool to cotton to synthetics all start with spinning fibers together to create a thread or yarn, which is then woven into some kind of fabric and put together into clothing. Now, consider how long people have been doing this. These are the kind of thoughts that are akin to contemplating how insignificant one is, while laying on a hill and looking at stars on a warm summer night. The thoughts that come rushing in can be mind-boggling. Well, at least, that's how it's been for me for the past two hours.

Debra, owner of Michigan Spinning Company on Etsy, sent me a handmade (in Michigan!) Maple & Birch Top Whorl Drop Spindle and some beautifully hand-dyed Shetland Wool Roving (also from Michigan!) to try out. Now, the closest I've ever gotten to working with roving was when I was about 10 years old and visited Greenfield Village. One of the displays had a basket of freshly-washed wool, some carding supplies, and a giant spinning wheel all ready for inexperienced visitors to try out. I think I made the biggest ball of fuzz on a string in the history of humans spinning!

So, you can imagine my apprehension when I opened the package from Michigan Spinning Company and had the weird spindle thingy in one hand and a giant roll of loosely-braided roving in the other. How in the world can I use this stick with a circle and hook on it to turn this fluffy stuff into something I can knit with?! Then I calmed myself by remembering that someone, a very, very, very long time ago, figured out hoe to do this without the benefits of having the roving and spindle delivered by USPS and the Internet with Google and YouTube videos! Now, I don't have sound on my computer, but just watching a few of these videos and the various techniques people use made it possible for me to feel confident enough to get started. And, you know what? I MADE YARN! Really!!! All by myself - for TWO hours. Debra warned me that it was addictive, but I really had no idea it would be such a great feeling. Oh, and meditative, too. For those two hours, I was able to just stare at the spinning spindle and contemplate all those ideas I mentioned above.

Now, I have to share Michigan Spinning Company's Mission Statement because they've succeeded 100% by simply sending me these things to review.

"Michigan Spinning Company is dedicated to promoting and preserving Fiber Art Traditions, including but not limited to, the art of natural fiber processing, hand dyeing, handspinning, knitting and weaving. We have a hands-on approach to learning and eagerly share our experience and enthusiasm for the Fiber Arts through informal informational videos, audio/video podcasting, newsletters, and participation in local Fiber Festivals and Events. We believe in the importance of introducing young people to the Fiber Arts, educating them in the traditions of earlier generations, fostering their love and appreciation for things handmade, and encouraging them to pass on their acquired knowledge and enthusiasm to future generations."

Did you take note of the mention of "young people" and "future generations"? My kids will be learning how to do this, too! My oldest has the most agile fingers and I just know he's do well with it. And, even at three, Little Guy could do this. Just think of the education and pride they'll get out of learning this. And, as kids who've been taught to ask questions, I know that we'll probably end up heading to the library to learn more about different fibers used for clothing, the science behind spinning, how clothes are made... the possibilities are endless!

You can find Michigan Spinning on Etsy, Facebook, and Twitter. You can also follow on their Blog!
Disclosure: I received one Drop Spindle and +/- 6 oz. Wool Roving from Michigan Spinning for the purpose of this review. I have received no other form of compensation. All opinions are 100% my own.

Mindful Parenting Collaboration - Topic 1: Inner Work {#MindParColl}

First, if you’re reading this, you might have the feeling that you want to change some of your parenting practices or, perhaps, you're curious about “mindful parenting” and what it could be. Well, congratulations for taking a moment from your day to click on the link. Erin of it’s OK and I are going to be working together over the next 40 weeks (!) on a journey toward more mindful parenting and would love to have you join us. To learn how we envision The Mindful Parenting Collaboration working, please read the introductory post HERE. 

This week, we will be working on ourselves. What? I thought this was supposed to be about how I interact with my kids! Yes, it is about our parenting, but we need to figure out just who we are and where we’d like to be before we can consider our parenting practices. Just jumping in to change how we parent would be akin to working a customer service job – all fake smiles and a cheery façade without truly showing how we feel. Kids aren’t easily fooled by this – they know when words and actions come from the heart and when they seem to be scripted. Moreover, that customer service job only lasts so many hours a day. You have downtime from it. You can call in sick. Heck – you can even quit. Not so with parenting! Therefore, it is important to start with ourselves in this search to figure out what kind of parents we want to be.

The first step is to lay the groundwork for mindful parenting by doing some personal inner work. There are many way one can go about this. There are so many possibilities here. You could try meditating, yoga, and/or working on your spirituality. Maybe even get out a giant imaginary eraser and start at square one by considering the blame you place on yourself and others and then begin forgiving. You want to be calm and at peace with yourself and others before you try to be a calm and peaceful parent.

One of the more straightforward tasks you may want to consider is creating a Personal Mission Statement. Head over to The Parenting Passageway’s first post for a very good list of questions to get you going. Don’t view this as “homework”, but more as a way to get in touch with you. I can tell you that it has been years since I really knew who "I" was and what kind of person I want to be. Periodically taking time to rediscover myself has seemed like a selfish venture when there were so many more important duties on my plate as a wife and mother. But, when we are confused in or unhappy with our own lives, how can we care for our loved ones? Now, creating your own mission statement is something that you should plan to take a little time doing. Check out this article by Stephen Covey about writing mission statements (I know it says “Business” at the top, but keep reading – I promise it gets personal fairly quickly!)

You may also want to check out Hybrid Rasta Mama’s first post to the Mindful Mothering Challenge to explore how she planned to go about this topic of inner work. Whatever you choose to do, you should make a commitment to work on it every day for a pre-determined amount of time - even 10 minutes per day can be enough to get the wheels turning in your head!

MY PLAN:

I need to make time to explore myself, first off. I think that since lying with little guy when he goes to bed and down for a nap are kind of black holes in my days. Yeah, we do some talking, but then he rolls over and listens to his John Lennon or Yellow Submarine CD's (for the gazillionth time) and I end up staring at the ceiling. I could be trying a little meditation here. I could be asking myself some of The Parenting Passageway’s questions – one at a time – and really exploring the answers. I get two 30-minute periods a day, on average, to do this. Once he’s asleep and I stealthily sneak away, I could write down some of the thoughts I’ve had in a journal. By the end of the week, I should have a pretty good idea about where I want to go and who I am. My collection of journal writings could easily be transformed into a kind of personal mission statement. I also think this could become a great habit that will allow me to continually reconsider my thoughts and ideas.

My goal is to have a personal mission statement written that I am 100% comfortable with by next Friday!

If you would like to join us in The Mindful Parenting Collaboration, please link up any posts that you may write introducing the concept. If you have done this in the past as the Mindful Mothering Challenge, or any other name, please link up your old post that corresponds with this subject. We’d also appreciate any posts that deal with inner work and creating personal mission statements. We also invite you to grab the linky code by clicking on “Get the InLinkz Code” at the bottom of the post and adding it to your own post.

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