The Best Boyfriend... EVER!

See this kid?

He's been deemed "The Best Boyfriend EVER!" You see, things are looking up for my oldest. Being a year younger than his classmates wasn't really a problem until he hit middle school. He struggled with the whole "girl" thing. By the time he hit high school, last fall, he had pretty much given up on thinking any girls would be interested in him simply because he was a little younger than them. But, he managed to learn something that many adults fail to realize: Age really doesn't matter - it's more about who you are. And, though I'm his mom, I'm not just bragging when I tell you that he's an amazing person. Empathetic, polite, level-headed, and thoughtful are the first words that pop into my head when I try to describe him.

I was so happy for him when he home home with the announcement: "I have a girlfriend!" He's been walking on air since. It's amazing what a huge boost this has been to his self-esteem. Additionally, his attitude around here has gone from typical apathetic teenager to mature and helpful young man. I'm so proud of him!

He attended his first high school dance last Saturday. The dance was set to begin at 7pm. So, naturally, he started getting ready at noon! Every 15 minutes, he was in the bathroom combing his hair, brushing his teeth, putting on MORE cologne, etc. (We had a talk about how to put that stuff on. He seemed to be under the impression that, if he couldn't smell it, no one could.) He tried on a bunch of nice shirts, picked one out, then asked me to show him how to iron it. Yeah - he didn't just ask me to do it, he wanted me to teach him! With all of his pacing and looking at the clock all day, I think I was more nervous for him than he was by the time 7 o'clock rolled around. But, it all went off without a hitch. He came home smiling from ear-to-ear and went directly to the computer...

You see, I don't know if it's common all over the place, but kids around here don't talk on the phone or even text each other. They use Facebook to instant message and leave each other little status updates, write on walls, etc. The minute he's in for the night, he's asking to use the computer. He'll spend hours "socializing" with his friends online. WAY different than when I was his age. Back then, I had two choices: talk on the phone, or "hang out." Talking on the phone was pretty difficult. Call-waiting wasn't all that common, so my phone calls were limited to five minutes. You can't get much "you hang up first... no YOU hang up first!" with that kind of time limit. So, we usually congregated somewhere. The mall was the place to be in the wintertime, but not much fun when you had no money. You could go to a friend's house and stare at MTV for a few hours (remember when they actually played music videos all of the time???) Or, we just stood outside on a corner in our little suburban community - but it had to be where no one's parents could see us through a window (as if we were doing anything beside saying, "So, what do you want to do? I don't care... whatever YOU want to do.") Anyway, kids nowadays don't actually hang out with each other unless it's a special event. And they don't even talk to each other. They type to each other, each from the comfort of their own homes. I can't help but wonder what this generation will be like in their 20's - will they have drinking parties via Skype?! But, I'm getting way off the subject of why my kid is the best boyfriend ever...

He really wanted to get his girlfriend a nice gift for St. Valentine's Day. We just don't have any money to give him and it's hard to find a job when you're his age. So, ever the thinker, he came up with a plan and spent a lot of time collecting empty cans to turn in for deposit (they're worth $0.10 each in Michigan!) He managed to save up enough to buy his girlfriend this:

Yeah, a huge heart-shaped box of truffles. When my husband saw it, he teased my son by saying, "Thanks for raising the bar! Now I have to do something extra special for your mom!" That little comment just made my kid beam. He knew he did a great job.

He came home today and went directly into his room. All I could think was that either something happened to that candy between the time he left home this morning and when he had planned on giving it to his girlfriend. No, he was just taking a nap. Seems he had been up all night last night, nervous for today. But, it all went well. She absolutely loved the candy in the fancy box. He asked me if he could tell her how he paid for it and I advised him to only mention it if asked. She asked, did the teenage girl "Awwww!", and gave him a huge hug, declaring, "You're the BEST boyfriend EVER!"

Now, he's not just the best according to one girl. Nope. Word got around school, you know. By the end of the day, he was considered the best boyfriend by the majority of the freshman girls in his school. I'm wondering if the other classes will hear about this on Facebook tonight? He might be the best boyfriend (EVER!) in the entire school by tomorrow morning.

OH, What a Day It's Been!

Yesterday was a blissful day filled with peace. When Little Guy awoke, he sat up, stretched, and said, "A new day!" Made me smile to hear him say that because when I wake up, I usually say it to myself, in my mind. He must have made up his mind then and there to try his hardest to be "nice" to everyone. (We use "nice", "mean", "happy", etc. to describe how we're feeling and acting around here - I avoid "good" and "bad" as much a possible.) He was nice! He didn't whine or cry a split second after he realized we weren't going to do things his way. Instead, he would say, "Stop, stop, stop! I have to talk now. I want ____ because ___." And, we listened. Sometimes, he ended up getting what he wanted, other times we were able to explain calmly and rationally why he couldn't have what he wanted. He'd be sad or angry for a minute or two (and he told us this), so we'd try to help him cope with those feelings. Then, we'd move on.

There was no yelling, throwing toys, hitting, or deliberately doing the exact opposite of what we asked or what he knew to be one of our steadfast rules.All of those are things that usually occur on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis around here. When I suggested that he might like to lay down to rest, he hopped into bed. At dinnertime, he told me how yummy the bread was. He kept his toys cleaned up without me even asking him. When he laid down in bed that night - ON HIS OWN - to go to sleep, I started to wonder what happened to my kid. Did he switch personalities with some other kid? Were there parents somewhere wondering why their normally easy-going and docile child had acted like a little nut all day?

Then today happened and I know that he didn't have a major shift in personalities. I woke up when he jabbed my closed eyes with his fingers. Before I could even sit up, he was jumping on the bed and demanding that I make him some tea, "NOW, MAMA!" Well, at least I knew better than to count on yesterday's behavior coming back again today, right?

But, you see, today has been quite awful and has put me to the test. I think that all of the orneriness that he didn't release yesterday built up and just popped a cork. It came pouring out today. Now, usually he drinks his tea and I drink my coffee first thing in the morning while we talk about our plans for the day. I'll make a list of what needs to be done and he'll come up with the fun ideas. My stuff consists of cleaning and cooking, his has things like "Do a project with paint" and "Go to the library". Well, today's list was a little different. His plans went like this:

• I not goin' to listen to anybody
• I goin' to make a mess
• I not clean my toys
• I throw cars
• I goin' to be loud
• I throw my food on floor and smash it
• I goin' to head-bup [head-butt] and bite Brubber

It goes on and on - he pretty much listed everything that he could possibly think of that we do not like him doing.I diligently wrote his list out for him and then we went over it and I asked him why he wanted to do each thing. We really couldn't come up with answers. I thought maybe he'd had a bad dream and woke up angry or upset, but his dreams sounded like good ones to me.

Now, one of the things about our lists is we get to cross things off as we do them. And I really didn't know what to do with this list he had made. We weren't going to keep it! I asked him if maybe we could make a new list of fun things to do and he agreed. So we got rid of the old one and made a more normal list. Well, I might have thrown out the written list, but he had it in his head and crossed out every one of his plans before lunch. He's finally taking a nap and I am hoping he'll wake up in a much better mood. I don't know if I can stand an entire evening with this mess. Evenings are usually his worst behavioral times anyway, so I'm pretty creeped out by the thoughts of his determination to be a monster boy added to an already nasty time of the day...

I can't help but wonder if he's conducting an experiment. Maybe he's planned it all out: One day be nice, the next day be mean. Maybe he'll be an amazingly happy kid tomorrow? I can't see it happening in a child so young, but he's never been typical in his thinking. Only time will tell...

And, when he wakes from his nap, I'm filling him up with some chamomile and peppermint tea. It's worth a try to get him relaxed right away!