#WIN a Great Stocking Stuffer! {UGLee Pen #Giveaway (11/26) US #Rafflecopter}

Sponsored by Tomoson.com I used to wait tables. I had a huge callous on the middle finger of my left hand for years. I also had some major pain in mu thumb and index finger on that hand. On busy days, the pain would be so bad that I'd ice my hand when I got home just to numb the pain away. Though I haven't taken an order in years, that phantom pain comes back, especially in the winter. 


My husband has a central nervous system disorder which makes it very hard for him to write. His hand shes so badly that his writing just looks like a bunch of zigzag lines. He must put a tom of pressure on his writing instruments to keep the shaking under control. With that much pressure, just writing his name is a long and arduous task. Writing an entire sentence can leave his hand, wrist, entire arm... even his shoulder and neck in pain.

Then, there's my oldest. Now, no kid should have problem with his hands at only 13 years old, but with the amount of homework he has been getting since starting high school and constantly having to take notes in every class, he comes home complaining of the pain in his hand. It worries me. How badly will his hand hurt when he gets out of college??? Is all of this writing messing up the way the bones, tendons, and muscles are developing? Will he be at risk for early onset of arthritis?


Oh, and I don't want to forget about Little Guy. Being the kind of person he is, he wants to do everything the rest of his family can do. He sees me making lists for things we have to do or buy. He wants to make his own lists. I give him a pad of paper and a pen and let him write his "list", but he can't grip a pen very well. It ends up slipping out of his fingers. He can't even draw a circle without having to reposition the pen. He ends up frustrated and angry. I've tried giving him a crayon or marker, but he wants to be like me and only a grown-up looking pen will do.


Last week, something pretty cool came to my family! We received a package of UGLee pens. Now, these are aptly named - they're not really pretty and sleek. But they're great for all of our problems. On those days when my pain returns, I can still write. My husband still has shaky hands, but he can write for a longer period of time. My oldest's hand pain has already become a memory. And even Little Guy can "write" his lists without the frustrations he's been feeling. (In fact, I've noticed that he can actually write a few letters. I just didn't know it when he was using cumbersome fat crayons and slippery pens and pencils.)

What makes UGLee Pens so different? The have a squishy grip on them. This thing is really weird-feeling and almost seems sticky. I kept expecting to have to wash my hand after using it. But I got used to it after a few tries and began to love it! It also contains ink that flows easily and smoothly. I have always preferred gel pens because they write so nicely, but UGLee Pen's ink has them beat. Finally, the pen is lightweight. You may not think of this when writing, but just a few ounces can make a huge difference!


"UGLee" stands for Ultimate Grip; Lee is the name of the doctor who invented this pen, Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee has a BS in Molecular Biophysics and Biochemistry from Yale University and earned his MD from Stanford University School of Medicine. He's not just some guy who decided to invent a different kind of pen! It took him years of studying the human hand and building tons of prototypes before he came to his final version of the UGLee Pen.

Would you like a chance to win your own 

3-pack of UGLee Pens?

Enter in the Rafflecopter form below!

***If you are viewing this post from my homepage, please click on the title to go to the post page. Rafflecopter has a glitch that mixes up all of my giveaways when they're all shown on the same page. I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

(Not Really) My Personal Mission Statement {Mindful Parenting Collaboration}

Note: I’m not going to spill the whole can of beans in this post, so there will be some things left unexplained. If I were to open up and just dump everything, this post would be an eBook and I’d probably send Blogger offline due to the amount of memory it would take. So, the loose ends are there only because there’s just not enough time and space to explore everything I’d like to in this post. Also, I’m going to start off somewhere out of the ballpark, then make a bee-line through left field Stay with me… I’m zeroed in on home plate and will get there!

I’ve had over a week to really concentrate on some of the questions that were asked in The Parenting Passageway’s first Mindful Mothering post. The problem is that, though I write “I” at least a hundred times a day. “I think/believe/feel that …” Yet, when it came time to really examine who I am now, I couldn’t find any definition(s) that were accurate. You see, my husband became physically disabled a few months before Little Guy was born. At the time, I was taking online classes and had a very specific goal in mind: I would earn my degree in education in June of 2011 and start the 2011/2012 school year as either a teacher or a substitute in an elementary classroom. And, up until early this year, all was going as planned.

Then I had to start dropping classes. You see, along with chronic pain that was slowly and steadily increasing, my husband started to have mental problems. I don’t know if it was the constant pain that caused it, maybe the medications that he’d been on (Lyrica is poison – do not ever take the stuff, please!), or (most likely) a combination of the two. I have a good understanding of the reasons behind many of his screwy behaviors, but understanding doesn’t make those behaviors more bearable. He’d be up for days on end, unable to sleep. He’d forget if he took his medications… so he’d take more. He’d wander down the stairs and outside in search of the bathroom at 3am. He’d turn on the oven to make God only knows what and then forget it was on. Then, when he’d finally pass out, he’d have terrible nightmares that would cause him to yell out, hit, push, kick… he’d sleepwalk doing this. Sometimes, these nightmares would wake him after only a couple of hours of sleep and he’d be back up and wandering around. Add the fact that he has problems with his bones that cause severe throbbing pain that is barely touched by pain medications and rubs. Now, he’s wandering around - sometimes banging into things, sometimes trying to carry heavy items – he’d end up hurting himself even more… This is still going on and it’s getting worse by the day, I don’t know why it’s all in past tense. Just go with it for me? (I need to add in here that he's not like this 24/7. He has good days and bad days. Sometimes we get 2-3 good days in a row. Other times, we have hours that are good and some that are bad. I just never, ever know what's coming next.)

Anyway, take the problems with my husband and add a two-year-old with a lot of moxie. Little Guy is not an easy-going kid who lets others make decisions for him. He’s full of self-esteem & pride in his “I do it myself” abilities. He can be very stubborn (got that one from me – my motto was “I’m Always Right” up until just a few years ago!) He feels that if he is physically or cognitively able to do something, then he should always be allowed to do it. He needs to be watched every minute he’s awake. I’m not kidding. I can’t even run to the bathroom to pee without coming back to a child who’s poised on the edge of a bookshelf or covered on black Sharpie. Therefore, everywhere I go, he goes. I have to take showers with him. I tried taking them at night or naptime, when he’s asleep. No – he has a little guy in his ear who yells, “NOW!” over and over until he wakes up. There’s some kind of intuition in him where he just knows.  With my husband wandering around all of the time and Little Guy just waiting for my attention to be diverted, I really need to be on my toes. 

Then there’s my oldest. I really can’t say enough good things about him. He helps me out with Little Guy. He helps keep tabs on hubby. He does his homework (all A’s and B’s!), he on the cross-country team and working hard. However, he’s also a teenage boy. I understand his frustrations, I really do. But this is his family and I need help sometimes when he’d rather sit around doing nothing. He’s never talked back to me; he’ll eventually take out the trash… My problem with him actually lies inside me. I can’t be the mom I want to be to him. He’s relied upon too much for someone his age, yet I can’t do it all by myself. We rarely get one-on-one time, I feel the chasm between us widening, and I panic. But what can I do? 

Now, with all three of these people who I love so dearly needing so much from me, doing anything for myself just became a luxury. I mean, I can’t go to the coffee shop downtown by myself and sip on a latte while reading my favorite book. I haven’t done a girls’ night out (or even “in”) for so long that no one even asks me anymore. The last time I did any artwork for myself was… LOL – I don’t know! I’m not feeling sorry for myself about these things. My family comes before the luxuries. I just don’t even think of my wants anymore. It's not as if I have no happiness. Read my posts – I can look at the good in my family and enjoy it so thoroughly! 

So, I attempted to do my schoolwork late at night. I’d be so tired that my papers looked like something a sixth-grader would write. I’d figure out which assignments were worth the most points and only do those to save myself time and frustration. When I got too far behind, I’d have to drop the class…Finally, it caught up with me. My student financial aid package was so screwed up from all of the drops that, this past month, I was told I’d have to wait at least until next June to take any more classes without having to pay out-of-pocket. We now have no money coming in. I am currently in panic mode. 

Getting a job is out of the question. Without a degree, my education means nothing. I can hope for waiting tables or some other minimum wage job. With earned income, we’ll be cut off Medicaid coverage, meaning my husband WILL die (he has many other health problems that require a doctor’s constant supervision, testing, and medications.) My husband would need to be supervised by someone (?) and I don’t see him agreeing to one of those adult care facilities. Little Guy, who has only had two vaccinations, would need to be “brought up to code” and sent to day care – both of which I am very much against. My oldest would be forced to take even more responsibility and I’d see even less of him. Oh, and after paying for medical bills, day care, and someone to watch hubby, do you think there’s be enough to even buy a single decent meal for my family (I know there wouldn’t be money for rent and utilities!) I’d be working 40+ hours a week while other people (or no one at all) care for my family and for absolutely nothing in the end. (*Check out Bowling for Columbine's part about the little boy who shot a classmate in Flint, MI. The Michigan Works program hasn't changed one bit.]

That’s where I am right now. Trying not to freak out, trying to keep everyone safe AND happy, trying to decide for all four of us what the next step will be. That’s when I realized what my personal mission statement should be. 

PEACE.

Okay, I should explain a little more. I need inner peace. My mind goes around and around. While spinning (yarn) the other night, I managed to find some peace. My thoughts just stopped and I wasn’t anywhere in particular. This is what real meditation is, right? No thinking, just being? Peace = A quiet mind. 

I get very angry with many people. At doctors who just write my husband a prescription for whatever the last drug, rep was selling. At my oldest for begrudgingly slamming the door because I finally lost it and told him to take out the garbage (NOW!) rather than asked him nicely (again… and again…) At Little Guy for running to the computer and opening 1,000 tabs the second I head to the kitchen to get a refill of coffee. And, especially, at my husband for not being my husband – just another (very big) kid that I have to watch over. The last one is very, very hard for me. I get extremely infuriated with him. Sometimes, it just feels as if he acts the way he does because he can. As if he has a license to not take any responsibility for his actions and not even try to change them because a doctor gave him a label: ADHD, memory loss, insomnia, depression, bipolar – pick one, he's been told he's got them all. Oh, and there are more, too. (Just one more reason for me to not care for most doctors!) 

Anyway, this anger builds and builds in me. I usually blow right about the time PMS sets in. I just lose it – I let everything go and no one feels good about anything afterward. I’ve tried to write my thoughts down to just get them out of my head to keep this ferocious wife and mother from surfacing, but it doesn’t help. I need to tell someone about it. I would LOVE to head to a psychologist’s office once a week just to unload my tensions and anxieties. I can’t. Nowhere to put Little Guy and hubby for the hour or so that I’d be gone. I can’t talk to my family about this. Hubby was NOT welcomed into the family when we married to begin with! The news of Little Guy was received with more tsk-tsk’s than smiles. Moreover, these people seem to think that my oldest is a slacker who needs to learn how to be a man. I do not know where to get my Peace from on this one, but it is something that I will think about as often as possible. I know the answer is sitting right in front of me… 

Revenge is toxic. I do not wish to “get even” with those who have done me wrong. It’s just not right. And, hey, there’s always karma to even things up, right? Well, I thought long and hard about karma this past week and have decided to look at it in a different light – the one I believe it was meant to be seen in. You see, saying, “What comes around goes around,” is just another way of feeling vengeance. A person who says this feels good in knowing that the person who has wronged her will end up getting paid back eventually. I don’t want to feel that spiteful. I still believe in karma, but I’m not waiting to see what happens to so-and-so after they’ve treated me badly. Peace = Letting go.

I have a few more peaceful revelations that I’ve come across this past week, but I’m going to close up that can of beans before someone around here knocks it over. I’m going to brainstorm the anger thing… I really feel that if I can get it under control, things will look so much better for all of us. PEACE isn’t going to solve any of my problems – I’m not going to disillusion myself! Nevertheless, it sure will make me strong enough to deal with whatever is coming next. 

Check out the other Mindful Parenting Collaboration posts below and, please, if you’ve written a post about inner work and/or a personal mission statement, I invite you to link it below! Collaboration means group effort – we’d love to hear your opinion on the subject.

I Like to Trust My Immune System, BUT... {#Rafflecopter #Giveaway}

Sponsored by Tomoson.com I am a firm believer in "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" when it comes to germs. I really think that allowing the body to come into contact with potential illnesses can help the immune system create a barrier to these germs. Think about all of the harmful bacteria and viruses we probably come into contact with everyday and don't get sick from. That's because our immune systems are working full-force to protect us. Honestly think of all the times you didn't wash your hands before popping something into your mouth. How many times have you applied the "five-second rule"? And it's even worse with our kids. We all have to admit that we don't know about 90% of times that they've touched nasty things and then stuck their hands into their mouths. Yet, how often do they really get sick?

Now for the big "BUT"... As many of you know, Little Guy has only received two shots ever. And, while I'm sticking to my guns on this, I don't want to see him get sick, either. There are times when we head somewhere and there are toys for kids to play with. The library, doctor's office, even out health food store all have a nice little collection of toys that kids of all ages and healthiness play with. I have watched with a flipping stomach as one little girl with a nasty cough and green boogers chewed on a block that my son immediately picked up to play with the second she dropped it. Yeah - horrors! Even after I rushed over and washed his hands and the block, I can't be sure he didn't have those hands near his mouth first. And what if I hadn't even noticed what had happened?

Then there's my husband. He has COPD. He's got an artificial heart valve. He has a ton of other little things wrong with him that lead up to a greatly lowered immunity to germs. A simple virus to most people can become pneumonia or something worse for him in the blink of an eye. And, with all of these health-related problems come visits to doctors. he has at least one appointment a week. He goes in, grabs the pen that every other patient has touched to sign in, sits in the same waiting room chairs as everyone else, reads the same magazines... I wonder how many of the patients who were there before him were ill? How many of them actually covered their mouths with the crook of their arms when they coughed or sneezed? And how many just used their hands and then picked up the same Reader's Digest my husband is now holding? Oh, and then he comes home and picks up Little Guy or gets him something to eat, or... Well, you get the picture.

So, with cold and flu season (and all the other little illnesses that float around) coming soon, I feel it's time to do a little more than keep a sharp eye out for snotty toys and sick patients. I received a sample of Prefense to try out and, boy, am I glad. I think my favorite thing about it is that just one applications can last all day - through TEN hand-washings! This means that I can put some on Little Guy's hands before we leave for our adventures and not really have to worry about him touching things and then sticking his fingers in his mouth. I can remind my oldest to use a squirt of the foamy hand sanitizer and he can safely share pencils, hit the bathrooms, and eat lunch without washing his hands (you know he doesn't!) And hubby can just apply the 100% alcohol-free sanitizer as he's getting ready to leave for yet another doctor's appointment. They're all going to keep from picking germs up on their hands throughout the day.

According to the Prefense Web site, the hand sanitizer is non-toxic and perfectly safe for children. Because it is alcohol-free, there are two benefits that you won't see in other hand sanitizer brands: 1) Your skin won't be absorbing large amounts of alcohol repeatedly throughout the day, 2) The silica will actually work to soften your hands and the bonding film that sticks to your skin will hold moisture in.Oh, and Prefense is scented with essential oils, you don't get that nasty "hospital smell" that follows you around all day. Prefense was tested by Iowa State University and its Institute for Physical Research and Technology’s Company Assistance group, which proved that the product's anti-pathogen properties last a full 24 hours.  Additionally, Prefense has been tested against different strains of Staph (including MRSA) and H1N1.

Although I feel that my family's immune systems need to work for themselves, there are times when a little extra defense will go a long way. While we will not use this every day, I can rest easy knowing that I can try to prevent my loved ones from becoming ill when "germ season" is at its peak. 

If you'd like to purchase a bottle of Prefense (and they now have wipes, too!), you can visit their online store HERE. It is available on Amazon.com, too - a great deal if you get free shipping through Prime! And, finally, you can check out Prefense's store locator if you'd prefer to buy it locally.


You can also connect with Prefense on social media sites. Check out Facebook and Twitter and stay up-to-date on deals and even giveaways!

 
 
Now, how would you like to win an 8oz. bottle of Prefense for your own family? That's 640 applications! Just complete the mandatoyr (first) entry in the Rafflecopter form below. If you'd like extra entries, go ahead and complete any of the other entries you'd like. Don't forget to read the important information at the bottom of the entry form!!!

Good luck!



I received one or more of the products mentioned above for free using Tomoson.com. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

My Boobs Are Too Little! {#WorldBreastfeedingWeek}

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I was scared to death that my kids would starve if I attempted to breastfeed exclusively. If they had negative bra sizes, I'd be their first choice for a catalog model. From the time I was 12 years old, I was told, "Don't worry, they'll grow!" Remember the book, Are You There, God? It's me, Margaret. By Judy Blume? I spent many-a-night doing "exercises" to the whispered mantra, "I must... I must... I must increase my bust!" Well, I hit 16, an age when many had assured me I'd be fully developed, still looking like a 12 year-old. Then, I read somewhere that the female body isn't completely done growing until the early 20's. I waited... nothing.

When I was pregnant, I never even thought of bottle-feeding. I'm the oldest of three and my mom breastfed (and cloth-diapered) all of us. It was normal - bottles weren't. But, as my due date drew near and hormones became unbearable, I began to panic. My boobs hadn't even gotten bigger while I was pregnant. My OB-GYN even made mention of the fact that I had no boobs on that last appointment before my due date. I had come into the office, armed with my birth plan. The very first line below the heading "After Baby is Delivered" said: "Please do not offer the baby water, formula, or pacifiers. I will be exclusively breastfeeding!" After that appointment, the same thought kept running through my head - How on earth would I keep this little baby inside me alive once it was out?! I rushed to the store on the way home and bought a set of Playtex bottles and a few cans of formula... just in case.

I was so lucky. That little one knew just what to do. As soon as mouth was in the vicinity of nipple, the little suckling noises began - just seconds after delivery! The latch was perfect. My milk came in quickly - only 24 hours after giving birth. I had no problems for the duration of breastfeeding my kids, save sore nipples, engorgement, and a few bites. No mastitis, clogged ducts, latch problems... nothing. The kids grew by leaps and bounds, even by the old formula-fed growth chart standards. Oh, and I had boobs!!! I wore all of those tight little shirts, bikini tops, and strapless dresses that I could never wear before. Like I said, I was VERY lucky.

Unfortunately, the remarks that pregnant and nursing mothers hear from others, like the one from my doctor, can take their toll. Especially in the hormone-filled minds of pregnant women and the sleep-deprived, 'why-won't-this-kid-stop-crying?!' minds of new moms. There are too many people out there giving bad advice and passing on myths that are oh-so-false. Here is the one I've heard over and over from mothers. It's not new. My mother-in-law was told this in the 60's, when she had my husband. My mom was told this in the 70's (Thank you, Mom, for not listening!), friends of mine who had babies in the 80's and 90's heard this, and I've recently had three different new moms tell me this in the past month, alone:

You're not producing enough milk - you'll have to supplement!

Oh, I HATE this one! First, mommy takes her precious newborn to the pediatrician for his first check-up. The baby has lost a little weight since birth and the phrase "FAILURE TO THRIVE" is brought up. Now, this poor mom, who has had this kid on her breast for what seems like 24/7 since he was born, hears (and it's probably meant to sound this way, IMO) a medical professional basically tell her that she's not good enough a mother to keep her baby alive on her own - she needs help. The fear, the humiliation... So, she supplements her breastfeeding with formula. Then, when her precious pea is around six weeks old, he acts like he's starving. She nurses him, but he wants MORE. So, she adds a few more formula feeds into the mix - her kid's hungry! Eventually, she begins producing less and less milk. She looks on breastfeeding as a huge failure and gives up.

There are a lot of wrongs in this situation, but there's not usually anyone around to tell mom the truth. I mean, her baby's doctor already "knew" she wouldn't be able to feed this child on her own. And the hungrier junior got, the more she believed it. What she didn't know is that doctors use an old growth chart - created by formula companies and based on the "average" growth of a formula-fed infant. (Yes, there is another growth chart out for breastfed infants, but many doctors aren't using it.) Breast milk has less fat than formula, so a child isn't going to plump up like he would on bottles. And it is normal for newborns to dip in weight soon after birth - think about how much water weight is in their skin and digestive system while they are in your belly. After birth, they kind of... dry out, and they pee and poop. The first milk they are getting is colostrum and in small amounts. It just makes sense to anyone willing to think that a baby will lose weight. But, with all of the hormonal changes and lack of sleep, it can be hard for mom to use her critical thinking skill effectively. People will take advantage of this - who doesn't like to sound like they're smart? Who doesn't like to feel like they can rescue a desperate mom from a dire situation? We all like to give advice!

They're wrong!!!!

Here are two more of those "critical thinking" things that a new mom's brain just doesn't have the energy for: The faster a child grows, the hungrier he will be. And:  The more a child nurses, the more milk you will produce. That six-week spurt is the one you'll think will never, ever end. But, you know what? I barely remember them now. I wish I had known about it ahead of time. Rather than freaking out, being cranky, and just wishing I could stop being a pacifier, I'd have planned ahead and enjoyed this time. I miss it. It's the picture you had in your head when you bought that super-comfortable rocking chair way back in the olden days when you were pregnant. Baby looking up at you while he nurses, the entire house is quiet except for the little sucking sounds he's making and maybe a lullaby from you... pure bliss! This spurt will last just a couple of weeks, enjoy it. Line up help with housecleaning and cooking. Don't let this time get away from you!

And what about the fear that your little one is breastfeeding so much because he can't get enough from you? Well, like I said above, the more he eats, the more you make. It's the perfect balance of supply and demand, ordered by Mother Nature herself! If a mom feels like she must do something to keep her little guy's belly full for longer, there are a number of methods to try BEFORE heading for that free sample of "just in case" formula that the formula company has so graciously sent you home from the hospital with as a parting gift. Drink more water. Sometimes, when we're dead tired and trying to learn this new little baby's characteristics, we forget about ourselves. I swear, at one point I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten anything (it must have been over 24 hours!) And, if water's not your cup of tea, then... well, have some tea. There are a ton of companies that make fantastic-tasting tea with all of the right herbs in them. One of my personal favorites is Sacred Rose's Matri Tea! Also, there are a ton of foods that will increase milk production. I craved oatmeal throughout my pregnancy and well into my first year of breastfeeding. This wonder-grain will visibly increase your infant's food supply. One of my favorite ways to eat it was in cookie-form! Add a bunch of dried fruits, some flax, wheat germ, honey, mashed bananas, zucchini... pretty much whatever your tastes may be. And, finally, you can take supplements. Fenugreek is an herb that has been used forever for nursing mothers. It increases milk production with a couple of interesting side effects: 1) Your sweat will smell like maple syrup. No kidding! It's weird, but at least you won't smell like boiled broccoli! 2) It also helps upper respiratory problems. Have a cold? Have allergies? They'll magically clear up - drug-free!

Once your little one hits 2 or 3 months old, most of the "you're not making enough milk" suspicions will go away. (There will be more growth spurts, but not anything like the one you just got through.) You'll feel more confident in your abilities to sustain life using your boobs. You'll be able to read your little one's signs more easily and understand what he needs from you before the crying (yours and his!) of the early weeks. And, you'll have your head back on straight - the hormone confusion of the weeks just after birth will have ebbed and you might have even gotten two hours' worth of sleep in a single stretch!

I’m celebrating World Breastfeeding Week with Natural Parents Network!
You can, too — link up your breastfeeding posts from August 1-7 in the linky below, and enjoy reading, commenting on, and sharing the posts collected here and on Natural Parents Network.

(Visit NPN for the code to place on your blog.)

The End of an Era... And the Start of a New One {#WorldBreastfeedingWeek}

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I'm done with breastfeeding... forever. It's a bittersweet realization. I'll never have a little one smiling up at me, sharing a special bond ever again. Yeah, I'm done having babies. Little Guy weaned about a month ago, at 32 months. I knew it was coming. He'd go a few days without even asking. Then, suddenly, he'd need it constantly. But, the need to nurse slowly dissipated as he changed from a toddler to a little boy.

The final blow was his first full-blown cold. Yeah, he'd never been sick before this. Maybe the occasional runny nose or fever that lasted 2-3 days, but I blame those on teething - a new tooth always popped out withing a few days of his "illness". Oh, did I mention that the only vaccine he's ever had was for polio. (It's a terrible disease that is still around. We live near an international airport and come into contact with a lot of tourists. Plus, his grandparents remember all too clearly the effect that polio had on friends, family, and even themselves.) ANYWAY, I attribute his perfect health to breastfeeding - I can't tell you how many illnesses I had that were never passed on. But, I believe that his first cold can be attributed to the lack of nursing. Once his nose was completely blocked and remedies only lasted a few minutes, he just gave up on breastfeeding. I wanted so much to use it as a comfort to him, but it was not to be.

I noticed a direct correlation between his growing independence and weaning. He had started potty training around the same time. We stopped using the stroller when we went somewhere - he could walk (or run!) everywhere. He got into the "No helping me! I do it myself!" stage. He was ready.

My oldest son, who is now 13, quit nursing when he was 15 months old. It coincided with his learning to walk. As soon as he could get himself from here to there, he decided he didn't want to nurse anymore. I was fine with it - I was working full time in a restaurant. He refused to take breast milk from a bottle or a cup, so my husband would bring him to where I worked (thankfully it was only a few blocks from our home) during my breaks so he could be nursed. It was getting tedious - I never really got a break from someone needing something from me. As soon as the nursing session was over, I was back to the customers.

I describe the end of our nursing relationship as "bittersweet" because I was beginning to feel chained down. I was the only one who could put him to bed. I was the only one he would come to when he needed some affection. My husband was beginning to feel very left out. Plus, Little Guy had this habit of clamping down when he fell off to sleep. As if he knew that once he was out, I'd get up from the bed. Oh, and if someone made a loud noise, the telephone rang, or he heard a train outside our window, I knew I'd get bit! Toddler teeth are very sharp and there were many occasions when I'd have to put a little band-aid on one of my nipples. Sexy!!!!

I'm going to miss the closeness we shared, but there are new ways for us to spend special time together. Little Guy loves sitting on my lap and hearing stories. His imagination has grown to the point where I can read him stories from books without pictures and he is following my words closely. I know he's understanding because he'll often stop me from reading to ask a question or add to the story. How cool is that? And, while he's in my lap, he loves sitting in his old nursing position. We still get to share those special smiles.Oh, and even my oldest still has breastfeeding ingrained in him - when I check on him in the middle of the night, he makes little suckling noises in his sleep. I know those noises and remember them clearly - way back to when he was just a tiny little one.

I'm going to really miss breastfeeding. Since it has just started to become an "alternative" to bottles in our area, I'm finding that many pregnant and new moms are asking my advice. I never thought of myself as an ameture lactation consultant, but that seems to be a new part for me to play. In fact, I recently received a phone call from a woman I'd never met before. Screaming newborn in the background, all she could do was cry into the receiver. She finally managed to tell me she couldn't get her little one to eat. I was able to talk her through a nursing session over the phone and she came over to my house as soon as the baby was full - before the next feeding was due. We talked and I was floored by the misinformation she had been fed - by friends, family, and even her doctors. I helped her understand why these "facts" were merely opinions and gave her real facts. I helped her through the next feeding and she left smiling, with a baby who was sound asleep!

I'm going to address these "facts" that she had believed in another post. They are the ones I have heard over and over - in person, online, from health 'professionals', and from well-meaning friends and family. Hopefully, it will help a new mom who is struggling in a misinformed community with no real advice coming toward her.


***Sorry there are no pics. I do not have any. I'm the picture-taker in the family. Please, if you're the family photographer and are still nursing - MAKE someone take pictures of you nursing. I feel cheated that I don't have any, now that it's too late to do anything about. :-(

***

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Stupid Doctor...

Just updating those who asked -

So, the doctor doesn't know what's wrong, just that the old kidneys aren't doing the work they need to do. More tests... More waiting...

Meanwhile, no advice, either.

I asked if diet or anything might help. No answer. You see, I know the regular stuff - drink more water to flush everything out. But what about cranberry juice? Does it make the kidneys work harder? Could it potentially put MORE strain on them? Are there ant particular foods to eat/avoid? I got a great big shoulder shrug and "just keep on doing what you're doing until we know more."

Yeah.

Keep on rolling around all night, trying to get comfy?
Keep on finding it painful to bend over and pick up my kid?
Keep on reminding my husband not to hug me so hard because it hurts?
Keep on running to the bathroom every half-hour?


I understand not giving me anything to take until he knows what's wrong. I mean, the kidneys filter everything. Take the wrong medicine and you could just make matters worse. And I really don't want to take any meds - too many factors that could cause problems - mainly the breastfeeding and side-effects. I didn't go to the health food store like I said I would, but I did call. She mentioned Corn Silk. My husband, wise man of "all-things-that-can-get-one-inebriated", mentioned that you can smoke the stuff to get high. So, I'm definitely going to have to look it up first. I can't even drink half a beer without making sure little guy is asleep for the night! Heck, I can't even drink half a beer until I KNOW what's going on! LOL

So, that's the update with absolutely no news.

BTW - Oh, and when I wrote that last post about this, I searched Google for an image of kidneys to add to the post. Um... NEVER DO THAT! There are some VERY disturbing images and I've been waking up with nightmares based on those pictures! It's one thing to read about this kind of thing, but to see those pics is completely different. You just cannot shake something like that from your brain.

In the meantime, I'm slowly pulling a bunch of giveaways together. I've never done anything like this, so It's going to be lots of trial and error. Maybe I'll find some motivation somewhere and go make a special button! My target date for getting it all rolling is Monday, May 16.

Why I've Been So Sick

I have always been able to boast of a pretty great immune system. The last time I really got sick with the flu was way back in 1999. My oldest was not quite two. It was on Thanksgiving. I popped the turkey into the oven at noon and went to watch the re-runs of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. The next thing I knew, it was 2pm and I couldn't walk. I crawled into the kitchen and turned off the oven. I don't remember much from the next four days. My husband took off work (I later found out) and my toddler would crawl up onto the couch to nurse whenever he wanted (open bar!!!) When I finally was able to get my own juice from the fridge, the stench in the kitchen was overpowering - The Turkey! Yeah, my husband didn't even think to look in the oven. He was more concerned about remember to change diapers and feed the little one so he wouldn't starve. That was the only time I ever just threw out a perfectly good pan - I just couldn't deal with it at the time and my husband probably would have had rotten turkey carcass all over the kitchen and himself if I asked him to do it.

 Anyway, since then, I have had colds and sinus infections, maybe the odd fever... nothing much. Until the first of this year. I've been sick four times in as many months. I get fevers, my whole body is wracked with pain, I'm somewhat delirious (NOT a good thing with my Little Guy's curiosity and penchant for sneakiness!) Why didn't I go to the doctor right away? I have a bad history with them. I don't like them and I don't trust them. Read two reasons (among many) HERE (scroll down to #5 & #6.)

 I finally gave in and went to the doctor two weeks ago. I'm underweight (it runs in the family) and the first thing the doctors around here seem to think is that I'm some kind of drug addict. Maybe it's my nervousness at even being in their office. I don't know. The first thing he said when he saw my list of complaints was, "I'm not prescribing you any pain medication until I know what's wrong with you." Um, OK, don't want it! I'm breastfeeding and I don't want my little guy getting all of that fun stuff in him anyway. And did I even ASK you for anything???  Didn't listen to my heart or even check my blood pressure. Made sure to have me pee in a Dixie cup, though! He said, after the little dipstick came out in a rainbow of colors, that it looked like I might have a problem with my kidneys. That explains the back pain. He ordered a TON of blood tests and sent me on my way.

Went back last week for a follow-up, with all of the same symptoms raging. Here's what he told me: "Your kidneys are functioning at about 60% of what they should be. I need more blood tests, so get these to the lab (holding out a bunch of little Rx papers) and come back in two weeks." So, I ask what I can do until then. Should I drink water, cranberry juice, eat certain foods??? He actually rolls his eyes, sighs, and writes another script. Here's an order for physical therapy. WHAT?! So, I ask why. He got all pissed off at me! "Well, if you don't have time to go to physical therapy, then you'll be on dialysis within six months!" Then he stomped out of the exam room. Did I mention there was no physical exam - again?

So, I got home and did what everyone does - I Googled about it. First of all, I have no idea what is wrong with me. The doctor wouldn't say - he wanted more tests. All I have to go on are my symptoms and the 60% thing. I cannot find anything that indicates that any type of kidney problem can be resolved with physical therapy. None. I've checked the scholarly articles, journals, research papers, etc. Nada. So, my appointment with him is at the end of the week. In the meantime, I'm sitting here in agony. It hurts most of the time, with fever and delirium mixed in a few days a week. I can't see another doctor. I'm on a health plan under Medicaid. So, I just have to wait.

If this guy doesn't give me some real information at the end of the week, I think I may just head to the ER. But that just brings on a new set of problems. All of those scary "what-ifs" keep going through my head. The biggest is: What if they want to keep me??? Hubby is manic-depressive with a side of ADD. I can't leave the kids in his hands. It's not that he doesn't try, but he's just not able to keep up with a 13 year-old who is practicing being an adult (yeah - it's been pretty frustrating!) and a 2 1/2 year-old who has to investigate everything (especially everything that he's been told is dangerous!) I'd probably be more ill from the stress of being stuck in a hospital than just staying on this path. If I go and refuse to be admitted, I risk losing medical coverage...

So, that's why I've been AWOL for so long. I have 25 posts that are all half-written. I have four reviews to write. I really want to get a bunch of giveaways lined up. Argh! So, please bear with me. I think that dropping this class will be the first step in the right direction - the grade and lack of getting my papers "just right" is driving me nuts!