Artistic License in War Movies

Kate Hoit, aka GI Kate, an Iraq vet and internet buddy has an article about The Hurt Locker in Huffington Post that has solicited 400+ comments. She criticizes the film for lacking authenticity, being over the top, and its inability to get simple details correct like rank and uniform. It's tough to go up against a movie with a tomatometer rating of 97%(and the tomatometer don't lie), and the competition in the genre of Iraq/A-stan movie is really crappy, so that fact alone makes this movie look like Citizen Kane.

Coincidentally, I saw the movie last night and thought it was pretty interesting: well-acted, well-shot, and tons of action. I don't know much about EOD, but it is obvious that Hollywood took some artistic license in the creation of this film. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, because a true-to-life war movie would be more like the infamous Onion spoof: sitting around waiting for orders, waiting in line at the phone trailer to call your girlfried, etc. Crimson Tide is one of the more famous submarine movies, and it is quite enjoyable and therefore absolutely not at all a reflection of reality. A submarine movie that was based on real life on a submarine would probably be like watching a double-feature of Heaven's Gate and Ishtar...with Catwoman thrown in for an encore.

So, Kate, I'm not going to fault Hollywood for taking some liberties, as they never claimed this was reality. But, as always, I love your tendency to challenge the status quo on issues pertaining to veterans. I just hope for the day when vets use the GI Bill to become great screenwriters/directors/actors, then maybe there will be something in the cultural mainstream that isn't just another action flick.

In Lieu Of Anything Meaningful

I suppose you could read about Ted Kennedy's corpse being trotted out to ram through another federal entitlement program that the country can't afford...or you could go back to when life was easier. This is a clip from Hard Rock Zombies, which sort of ranks up there in bad movies with the Ed Wood collection. It involves a group of mulleted rockers, creepy lust of some pre-teen named "Cassie", and for reasons only known to the creators of this wretched film, Hitler has a starring role. I am particularly fond of this tune:

Another Day, Another Crummy Iraq/A-stan Movie

Opening Night for "Brothers"

Not sure what it is about Hollywood, but when it comes to war movies about Iraq and Afghanistan, they seem to crank out more duds than a Chinese fireworks factory. This latest installment is called "Brothers" and is a remake of a Danish film from 2005 about the stereotypical Marine that comes back home and goes bonkers. Pretty dull and contrived stuff. Here's what Blackfive has to say:

More likely, I think, is the possibility that this is just another Big Hollywood movie that stereotypes soldiers or Marines as angry (because the military is where people go when they can't get into prison!), humorless men (which is why they don't go to college!) who scream a lot, beat up on family members, hate hippies (because they hate their own latent homosexuality!), throw dishes for no good reason at all, and beat up on women and little brothers.

It's not that all of the good coming home movies were "pro-war", but rather the characters in them seemed a lot less phony in movies like The Best Years of Our Lives and Born on the 4th of July. I mean, seriously, Tobey Maguire's character is looking like he's auditioning to be the third Bushwhacker in Wrestlemania V.

Maybe if the production didn't look like it belonged on Michael Moore's Youtube page, it might be worth seeing. But until more vets start becoming filmmakers and more involved in the creative arts, I predict we're going to see turd after turd on the touchy subject of the modern veteran. If the VA can actually figure out how to pay out on the GI Bill, perhaps we could have some decent war movies hitting the big screen.

Karate Kid Turns 25

Joe Esposito's inspirational, cheesy, yet surprisingly upbeat 80s tune superimposed with The Karate Kid is the cure for what currently ails our society of apathy. After all, aren't our lives just one big battle against the Cobra Kai dojo? Big Hollywood has more on this culturally significant movie. They don't make 'em like this anymore.

RNC Goes 0-2 With Two No-Good, Terrible Ads

Normally, I profess to having a huge mancrush on RNC Chairman Michael Steele, because he gives a shit about getting the party on the fiscal conservative/socially libertarian bandwagon. But one really has to question the effectiveness of the two latest ads they've been pushing.

The first one implies that Democrat hand-wringing over Gitmo is going to get us all nuked by utilizing the infamous 1964 Daisy Ad. It was run by the LBJ campaign in which Goldwater described as using "every dirty trick in the bag". But the original Daisy Ad was designed to characterize Goldwater as a militant lunatic who was going to lob nukes left and right, so is that what the RNC wants to portray the Dems as? Or, is the RNC making an ironic reference that no under the age of 80 is going to understand...uh, what are we doing.

The next ad shows Pelosi as some campy early 60s Bond babe. Predictably, the left has leveled charges of sexism, which Legal Insurrection points out seems to be a new-found moral outrage among some bloggers. But the real reason the video sucks is because it's a fucking geezerly cultural reference (we're talking the pre-Easy Rider dark ages of cinema here). At least portraying Adam West using the shark repellent on a photoshopped Pelosi would have had some kitsch value. Plus, if they were going with old movies and weren't afraid to piss off the Vagina Monologues set, they should have used the crazy, botoxed mother-figure from Brazil, which is an eerie resemblance.

William Shatner is Pissed Trek Writers Couldn't Think of Way to Get William Shatner in New Movie

If you haven't seen the new Star Trek, go see it. Great fuckin' flick. But one of the big disappointments is that it is sans Shatner. The writers are trying to offer up lame justifications for their crimes against the movie-going public. From MTV:

"The entire ending of the movie, where you're seeing young Kirk being promoted," Orci added, "all that was going to be [played out with Shatner's] voice-over."

Ultimately, the Shatner ending of "Star Trek" was abandoned for a whole variety of reasons. "Whereas our elder Spock had a very organic reason to be there, we didn't have that same benefit with Kirk," Kurtzman explained. "Because Kirk died in the movies — he died in canon — it was very hard to come up with a way to bring him back in the movie that didn't feel contrived."

"Ultimately, we decided internally that we were split," Orci remembered of the decision to abandon the Shatner ending. "The decision was that it wasn't quite enough to justify wasting his time."

With all due respect, how is it possible to waste Shatner's time. The guy has done a movie entirely in Esperanto, the horrendous sequel to Airplane, and has a lounge-singing career. So the "Wasting Shatner's time" excuse is as lame as "You won't get preggers your first time".

Shatner responds on YouTube (yup, he has his own channel) that he never got asked to appear in the movie. How can anyone, anywhere disrespect Shatner?

If Liberals Are Spock, I Guess Conservatives Are Kirk

Saw the new Trek last night and it was excellent. Despite what the trailers lead you to believe, it's not just some tawdry action porn and it actually has quite a bit of good dialogue. My only complaint is that one of my favorite actors, Jon Cho, didn't have a big enough part and my Dad was upset that none of the fight scenes had the classic music from the series.

Anyways, a full-on nerd war has been sparked by lefty pundits who seem to be closeted Trekkies. Because of his mixed-race, application of logic, and general awesomeness, the new meme is that Obama is Spock. Newsweek, Politico, and Huffington Post have all stated this, and Salon has the most detailed support of this argument:

Obama, like Spock, rewards close listening. His cool logic is a real departure from what we've grown used to. Often presidential speechmaking is an emotive art, where oratory trumps reason. What was being said was often confused with how it was being said. We could watch Ronald Reagan with the sound off, and get a pretty good sense of how we were supposed to feel. Bill Clinton's richly accented arias lulled us, while reactions to the appearances of George W. Bush -- pro or con -- were driven less by analysis than by a limbic, visceral response.

I suppose by default, this would imply that the fightin', drinkin', emotionally-charged Captain Kirk is a cultural representation of modern conservativesm. What a perfect time to re-run some hilarious motivators!

On Diplomacy in the age of Extremism

On Military Acquisitions

And On Self-Confidence (despite recent electoral setbacks)

Saturday Recession Super Fun Special

Here's a flashback to 1997 with the classic Midwest dystopia film: Gummo, directed by a young Harmony Korine.

The movie has a lot of negative stereotypes about flyover country, but I found the depiction of the creepy underbelly very accurate and chilling. I've been through South Central LA, Detroit's East Side, and even the Florida panhandle, but I've never had the balls to cruise through Xenia, Ohio.

In No-Bama news, everyone's talking about the new blog: Barack Obama's Teleprompter's Blog, which is good for a chuckle.

For a comprehensive lists of Obama goofs, check out Don Surber's 60 Days/64 Mistakes.

Andrew Breitbart Sez Hollyweird Key to Conservative Revival

In the wake of a very snooze-inducing Oscars, Andrew Breitbart has some ideas in his regular column for CPAC not being a complete waste of time. From Washington Times:

The millionaires and billionaires who feed the conservative think tanks and underwrite those who run for office need to join their high-rolling liberal brethren like Barry Diller and David Geffen and realize their political dollars are better spent making movies and nurturing the culture.

My biggest fear is that later this week I will be among the legions at CPAC rearranging the furniture. Instead, the conservative movement needs to think in revolutionary terms.

And the revolution must begin in Hollywood.

Americans now more than ever (in our hour of despair) are going to be turning to the big screen to forget about the crushing reality of existence. Instead of conservative big-wigs spending money for Joe the Plumber to make an idiot out of himself in Israel, they could be spreading the word in cinema. Hot Air had a list of the bestest conservatoid movies not too long ago, but it neglected, IMHO, the ultimate one: Dawn of the Dead. It came out during the Carter administration when society was in a period of decay, and it represents a complete break-down of civility and absolute despair. The movie truly stokes the paranoia that your fellow countrymen are going to devolve into a cannibalistic frenzy, and in a time of Obamanomics, that doesn't seem like too big a stretch.

But a good conservative movie has to have a morally conflicted character (like Snake Plisken), who overcomes adversity foolishly orchestrated by a collective society (like Gattaca) as a method of redemption (like Road Warrior). It also has to have someone getting hit in the balls (like every single 80s comedy) along with some topless lesbo scenes (like Wild Things). Is that too damn much to ask for? Maybe Terminator Salvation will be the winning ingredient this upcoming summer if Christian Bale can hold off from screaming at the help.

Rachel Getting Married: Worst...Movie...Ever

Watch These Self-Righteous Pukes is Like Shaving with a Cheese Grater

Rachel Getting Married is up for an Oscar and scored an 87% on the beloved tomato meter, so I was stoked that they were showing it on the long plane ride back to the states. But by the end of the flick, I was hoping that a madmen would show up and murder all these people in a fit of rage and/or our plane would take a sudden nosedive into the Alaskan tundra to make the pain stop. The movie focuses on Anne Hathaway's character who recently gets out of rehab and is jealous that her sister is lapping up all the attention for her wedding. The entire ensemble can be described as self-absorbed imbeciles completely oblivious to the consideration of others as they are wrapped up in their own melodrama. A fitting tribute to our era of Obamination where "Woe is I" and everyone is a victim deserving a pat on the back from a legion of sympathizers. How come they don't make movies about an underdog redeeming themselves through personal sacrifice and hardowrk (e.g. The Karate Kid)? A sign of the times indeed.

Post That Has Nothing to Do with the Super Bowl

Apparently, all you rubes out there in internet land are stuffing your face with wings, locking your fat kids in the closet to prevent being annoyed so that you can watch the annual football match. But you should be doing these things while reading blogs! So here's a great YouTube montage from the classic teenage angst 80s movie Heathers starring Gen X icon (well, before she went batshit crazy) Winona Ryder to distract yourselves:

Why The Iraq Movies Have Sucked

Hollywood War Movies of the Last 5 Years

Big Hollywood laments the disturbing trend of elite movie-makers making anti-military Iraq movies. Wonkette criticizes saying that no such movie has ever been made and this is some plot hatched up by the right-wing conspiracy:

Hmm, we’ve never heard of any Hollywood movie about American soldiers raping people “in the War,” at least not off the top of our heads

I think the Big H was talking about Brian De Palma's epic flop, Redacted, but you can't fault Wonkette for not hearing of it since only about 20 people saw this cinematic abortion. I humbly believe that a good anti-war movie could be made by Hollyweird, simply because Born on the 4th of July is one of my faves. Generation Kill wasn't bad, but we're going to have to wait on a good Iraq/Afghanistan movie until the whole BDS phenomenon cools off. Preachy directors just try to cram too much political calculus and anti-war propaganda down our throats to actually develop a decent story.

But Hollywood culture hasn't declined the same way the record industry has. An example would be Gran Torino, an excellent, low-budget coming-of-age tale about crossing generational boundaries. Go see it!

The Cobra Kai Dojo's Revenge

A concise synopsis of the 1984 classic Karate Kid. The 5 second version of The Matrix isn't bad either.

Breitbart's Big Hollywood: Where You Been All My Life

If for some strange reason you enjoy reading this humble blog, then you're probably as obsessed with movies, politics, and jokes in poor taste as I am. That's why Andrew Breitbart's new project "Big Hollywood" is an interesting new internet hangout for a blogosphere that is being rapidly taken over by pointy-headed think-tank nerds from DC.

The site got launched today, and it's already got one of my favorite celebrities, Greg Gutfeld, discussing in his usual satire how Pink Floyd incited an anti-communist revolution with The Wall. It is also has a lengthy rant against liberalism from actor Gary Graham. Who is this Graham you ask yourself? Oh, he was just in a little-known movie called Robot Jox, quite possibly the greatest movie evah!

Anyways, here's what he had to say:

I don’t want to get along with the Left. I want to take them down. I want to expose their idiocy for what it is and reveal it as a harmful, dangerous succession of lies and deceptions. My friends say that that effort, aside from being fruitless, will cost me work. It will cost me my career. And I say Wait-a-minute, Bucko. Those folks who founded this country were willing to risk not only their careers, but their property, their families, their very lives…the least I can do in standing up for our precious freedoms is risk a silly television career. Not to compare myself with the brilliant thinkers who declared themselves independent of England and framed our Constitution…but those were some pretty pissed off dudes too. Compared to that, loss of a little TV or movie work seems pretty inconsequential. So in honor of Pissed Off Americans past and present, I rant.

Not very subtle, but it's a nice change of pace from the usual anti-American rabble you hear from Hollywood snobs. Consider me in the tank for the Big H!

Tom Cruise Takes on The Man For the Holidays

Railing against unjust authority is a value steeply rooted in our traditions. From the hated British during our Revolution to that douchebag bossman who yelled at you for clocking out five minutes early, people will always cast a leery eye towards "the man" in charge. This year has certainly seen a prevalence of figures in power rip off the American public for billions, and the unpopularity of "the man" is reaching epic proportions. The movie Valkyrie capitalizes on that animosity by bringing us a great WWII thriller about the assassination of the worst "the man" of all, Adolf Hitler.

It is heavily sentimental in the fact that Tom Cruise's character is compelled by duty and honor of a soldier to end Hitler's tyrannical regime by assassination. There are highlights of many embittered members of the German officer corps towards the end of the war, which is a different tone than the assumption that anyone affiliated with the Nazis was evil (Schindler's List had a similar theme). Since the movie is based on a true story, the attempted coup was unsuccessful. But, it emphasizes, as Eric notes, the right to overthrow the government if it is unjust, which is certainly applicable today.

The Day The Earth Stood Completely Unimpressed with Hollywood

This GORT Thing Could Stop Humanity But Couldn't Refund my 9 bucks

Since our beginning, mankind has looked up to the heavens in the hopes of a more intelligent race passing on the secrets of the cosmos. But, watching alien Keanu bumble through his lines would probablyy result in sending these interstellar lifeforms back to where they came from. The movie's premise is that the earth must be saved from the humans, because if there's anything Hollywood doesn't like it's average schmoes (who ironically pay for their lifestyles). Keanu is the representative of these blood thirsty aliens hell-bent on our extinction, and he plunks his oversized, spherical shaped blob of attitude right onto our beloved Central Park in NYC. The "warmongering" humans arrive with a show of force to ask this yahoo from outer space a few questions, and all of a sudden we're the assholes! In an obvious slam against techniques used by the Bush Administration, the acting Prez (Kathy Bates) wants to sequester alien Keanu for "further interrogation". Obviously the message here is that a cabal of Lynndie England, Halliburton, and Sarah Palin's hunting buddies are solely responsible for the complete downfall of the human race. Keanu then trots around with Jennifer Connelly for awhile, in which she explains that "we can change", which is supposed to be plug for Obama (uh, I guess). Then, Keanu uses his throwback robot to 50s schlock, GORT, to make it so all electronic devices on earth collapse, so humans can redeem themselves in an orgy of PETA fundraisers and sailing off into the sunset on Al Gore's carbon-neutral boat. The End.

If Hollywood is trying to push Global Warming awareness, in what Kurt Loder remarks as "An intergalactic Al Gore, great", they probably should have picked a different month than when America usually gets ravaged by ice storms. The concept of eradicating all technology so we can "start over" doesn't take into account the inevitable cannibalism, war and famine that usually accompanies such a sudden loss of resources. Perhaps they'll leave that for the sequel!

Hollywood has tackled social issues with the apocalypse-themed movie in the past, and they have certainly withstood the test of time. Classics like They Live showed the devastation of Reganomics, Dawn of the Dead highlighted the stupidity of society due to obsessive consumerism, and Children of Men took on the rampant decay of civil society. But the Day the Earth Stood Still is so heavy on self-righteousness, that it feels little details like plot and character development are unecessary for this spaceman opus. And I even admit to being a shameless Keanu apologist, because I view his characters as some permutation of Ted from Wyld Stallyns. In Parenthood there was Boyfriend Ted, in Matrix there was Hacker Ted, and in Point Break there was Surfer Cop Ted. But, unlike the alien E.T. who pedaled his way into our hearts back in '82, Alien Ted only makes you look at your watch and wonder why you continune to waste your life in movie theaters.

On a positive note, Will Smith's son (Jaden Smith) had a good role as the lone voice who dared to ask of the alien invader "Why don't we just kill this guy?" The only sane voice in a movie full of actors thinking they're Mother Teresa incarnates for making us movie-going rubes aware of the problems the Earth faces. I hope that kid goes far in Hollywood and makes movies for the sake of...(wait for it)...people enjoying the movie.

A Cake for Hot Rod Blagojevich's B-day!

For Busting Out of the Joint!

Am I the only one that thinks Rod looks like Jake Fratelli from The Goonies? I hope his inevitable prison break with Ma Fratelli's assistance is just as eventful as the movie. Some people are probably sad that angry conservatards are making a big fuss about this, but the truth is that every American loves a good scandal. This one just needs some dead hookers or restroom foot tapping to spice it up a little. It seems the Obama connection is unearthing some stones as well...

21st Century UW Campus is Looking Like Early 90s PCU

Jeremy Piven Fitting in On Campus

Does anyone remember the 1993 movie PCU? It concisely summarized the attitude on college campuses during the politically correct 90s where thought crimes like not spelling "womyn" with the "y" and eating meat on Thanksgiving were met with the obligatory protest and you being labeled as an imperialist monster. People had to walk on egg shells to not indirectly offend every ethno-cultural groups since the history of civilization. And, just having a conversation with the approved "sensitivity" proved exceedingly difficult. Jeremy Piven has a good monologue in the movie where he says people need to drop the act and just go get drunk and laid (in that order).

9/11 changed the campus landscape, where causes like the plight of the Spotted Gecko Toad were temporarily put on the backburner due to more pressing issues, but a look at UW shows that we've degenerated back to the bad old days. A student, John Fay, penned an editorial in the school newspaper against gay marriage, which some may deem offensive. Not a problem, since offensive publications are the norm in our internet-driven culture, and you can always not read the article. But, an angry mob is making unclear demands and seems to just be protesting because they feel it's the right thing to do [Seattle P-I]:

The rally organizers wrote on Facebook that they're not trying to slam the paper as a whole -- they just don't like the contents of the opinion piece:

"This group is not against the paper. This group is against language that divides and language that is used to spread bigotry and hate. We have respect for the Daily and what its intended purpose is. It's purpose is to educate. Let's educate."

Seriously people, it's just an article. Being perpetually outraged at everyone else's opinions that you don't share is going to prevent you from having a good time that is an important part of being an undergrad.

Landslide

Remember in Aliens when the plane crashed and they couldn't get off the planet...and Bill Paxton totally flipped out: "Well that's great! That's just fucking great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do, man? We're in some real pretty shit now!" It feels kind of like that when Obama already has 200+ and they haven't even included any of the "left coast" states. Game over, man.

Bonus: Murtha is making his acceptance speech on the tee-vee screen right now. Brit Hume on Fox looks really sad about this whole ordeal.

Happy Happy Halloween!

Whether you're the crazy guy at the end of your block who hands out chocolate bars w/needles stuck in them, or that annoying lady who feels the need to hand out "organic fruit snacks", have a Happy Halloween! The embedded video is from the awesomely terrible Halloween III: Season of the Witch (it's about druids...and robots...and doing it with robots...and a mass killing of children...I think). See some more recommended movies from yours truly here.