It's Here!!!!

Hey friends! I've missed you so much.
Life has just been, oh you know, slightly chaotic.
There was graduation, vacation, the getting back from vacation, AND THE WORK FOR MY NEW PROJECT!!!!

Remember a little while ago I told you about Curvy Moi, a website/blog for the curvy ladies?

Well I am happy to announce that it launched this week!!!!

Eeeeek!

You can CLICK HERE to check it out.
And then add it to your feed reader, or favorites, or get it to your inbox by signing up for email. And follow us on instagram, pinterest and twitter too!
*shameless plug*

But for real, if you or anyone you know could use a little encouragement, fashion advice, or a safe place to vent, send them over to Curvy Moi.

I have to say, launching this has oddly made me very vulnerable and I wasn't prepared for it.
I've been so excited for launch day, but then when my friends/family complimented me on it yesterday after it launched, it felt strange.

I guess because I've tried for so many years to fit in with everyone else, and this kind of pulls me out and showcases the one thing I've hated about myself for my whole life.
But this is just part of my whole journey to accepting me for me.
I'm a curvy girl, always have been and probably always will be to some extent.

It's not a blog advocating an unhealthy lifestyle, but rather one that encourages women where they are.
The truth is, we all have something we wish we could change about ourselves; but that doesn't mean that you should be miserable with life as a result of it. So while I could definitely stand to lose a few pounds, I am also working to love myself in the midst of the changing; to stop beating myself up every day; to stop making ugly comments to myself in the mirror. It's time for me to be nice to...ME.

so much.

my brain is a crazy place right now.

there's so much in it that needs to come out and yet somehow i can't quite articulate it all.

for starters, i graduated! it. is. finished.

holla!

i can't express my happiness. and honestly, i'm quite proud of myself. i worked hard for this and had many a meltdown, but quitting wasn't an option. a few breaks along the way...yes. quitting, no. and so now it's not even a question i have to deal with. it's all done. praise jesus!

we headed to virginia for the ceremony - there was no way i wasn't walking across that stage!

my aunt and uncle came with us and that meant so very much. 

i was weepy and emotional for the whole ceremony. of course i was.

they had the spouses stand and be recognized for all their support along the way. that was awesome because poor chris endured so much during my schooling!

the sad part was when they had parents stand and talked about the parents praying their children through school.

and there i was, with no parents to stand for me.

it sucked to be honest. but, it is what it is.

and i got a t-shirt, so that's all that really matters, right?

hahahaha.

and so now, i've got lots of time on my hands.

lots of time to think....which is good and bad.

i have big big dreams that in some ways seem so close and others seem completely unattainable.

chris and i both are in a season of dreaming and trying to chase them. and that's scary.

so it would only be fitting to hang this right in our living room.

the hard part is trying to determine whether or not those dreams include children.

my last paper that i wrote for school was on the psychological effects of infertility on women.

i got an awesome grade on it, but it also made me realize just how deeply sad the roller coaster of infertility is. i just felt kind of pathetic after writing it. and 3 weeks later, the words of that paper are still haunting me. the bulk of this i'll save for another post on another day, but the gist of it is determining when enough is enough. 

so in this season of big dreams, my prayer has been that i only pursue the dreams placed in my heart by God. that anything i desire that isn't what He wants, that he would please remove the desire from my heart. and that means that i have to be willing to let go of my dream of a child if that's not what He has planned for me.

maybe His plan for me to be a mommy is traveling to orphanages and rocking babies in my lap.

maybe it's something so completely different that what i would have imagined.

no matter the outcome, i have to be willing to let go of the way i imagined my life to play out and fully embrace the life that God has planned for me.

you see, we can either hold so tightly to our own plans that we miss enormous blessings and intimacy with God, or...

...or we can fully embrace our trust in God and let Him have His way.

time and time again He has shown me that His ways are better than mine.

the choice is fully ours.

checking off the bucket list!

y'all. i've been a weepy mess this week.

there are quite a few factors to this madness:

PMS

the anniversary of mom's death

the anniversary of granddaddy's death

mother's day

a crazy work week

college graduation

vacation

all. this. week.

needless to say, my emotions and hormones and stress level have been on overload.

poor chris had to deal with my ugly cry at dinner last night.

he knows when that lip puckers up....it's a comin and there's no stopping it.

he saw it happening, and bless him, he said "oh no, no, no, please don't do that!"

bahahaha.

i bawled all over the land of public places yesterday.

the post office.

the mother's day card isle at walmart.

my couch.

the dinner table.

oy.

i think i'm a bit weepy in general because a major milestone is happening this week. 

i've been working on this dang bachelor's degree for 11.5 years.

seriously...who takes that long!?

but honestly, as i reflect, i'm kind of glad. 

i don't fit into a perfect mold and for far too long i kept trying to.

it's like that toddler toy where you try to match the wooden blocks with their shapes.

and i think i've finally let go of that for a bit.

and as i reflect, it brings me back to that lovely old 30 before 30 list that i created years ago.

i have 4 months left of being 30 and i've really done a lot.

in addition to the "x" marks, i accomplished a few others:

i got that other tattoo

i went to paris

i graduated college

i ran part of a 5k - that counts right?

i had those 30 days of quiet time with God - it was actually 42.

in all reality, i'm pretty proud of the things i have done in these 30 years.

it's been nothing short of adventurous.

i've lived in 3 states, moved 14 times.

we kind of go where the wind takes us.

we've traveled.

we've had fun.

and now, quite honestly, i'm a bit more excited for the next 30 years.

at some point, you have to stop desiring God's path for other people and embrace the one He has for you.

so to God, I say "let's do this."

good stuff all around.

for Lent this year, Chris and I are taking a social media break. 

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest are far too important in my life.

we don't really practice Lent, but it's a good time to reset and refresh.

we're 6 days in and yes, I'm missing my social media terribly, but I can say that life has much less drama when i'm not reading about everyone else's drama!

i deleted all the apps from my phone, so i catch myself opening my phone and then just staring because there's nothing good to do lol. all my photo apps don't matter if i can't push it to facebook or instagram.

really, the only other stuff i have on there is my period tracker and starbucks.

yep, not getting me very far.

clearly i needed this break.

but realistically, i'm trying to focus for this next month until Easter.

focus on what it is that God wants me to do.

what step does he want me to take?

and can i just say, it's amazing how much clearer you can hear God without all the distractions.

i asked, and he's delivering.

and i am absolutely paralyzed in fear.

just when i thought i had my control issues under control, God clearly shows me that i do not.

i spent a good 30 minutes ugly crying yesterday because i was scared. 

like scared to even say "ok God, I'll follow" because i have convinced myself that he will force me.

and by force me, i mean get me laid off from my job so i have to jump in with both feet.

but if it's God's plan, i know that he'll provide for me anyway.

oh my brain is so....human.

and i realize that this is all really vague, but i just need to get it out, so play along mmkay.

anyway, i tried to take a step and i signed up for a significant conference yesterday. that's gotta count for something.

but then there's the issue that much of my drama over it is put on by pms.

i mean i cried watching our dave ramsey class last night.

who am i kidding? i cry at that anyway.

speaking of dave, we're doing financial peace university right now. i kind of love it, but i'm nerdy like that. it's exciting to think of getting complete control of our money, and then completely overwhelming when you look at how much real debt we have.

i haven't yet had to make a student loan payment, so while i've always known it's out there, i've also never really counted it because it wasn't part of our monthly payments.

so today i actually logged in to get the total balance (for my 12 year bachelor's degree) and i just about passed out.

well....let the debt paying madness begin! i'm ready to call into his show and scream WE'RE DEBT FREE!!!!!!!!!

yeah, i cry every time someone does that too.

a little bit of honesty

can i be honest?
do you ever feel like something is lacking?
i feel a little of the lacking lately.

see, i have this deep desire and passion for relationships, friendships, community.
like you know, your people.
most people have their people.
and i know who my people are. but i still feel a lacking.
i'm sure that the millions of times that i've moved has A LOT to do with it.
i mean for goodness sake, moving from city to city, state to state, doesn't really allow much time for really cultivating those relationships.

there's another side to this too. food.
i love food. whether its healthy or bad, i love it.
there is something magical that happens around the table when you're with the people that matter most.
i'm convinced that lives change around the table.

when babies are born, we take food.
when people pass away, we take food.
when it's a rough day, we have comfort food.
there is something truly soothing to the soul when gathered with the ones you love.
i think that jesus reveals himself around the table. whether a home cooked meal or take out, the community that happens around the table.....he's there.

i'm going somewhere with this, i promise.
first of all, this love i speak of has been in my heart my whole life.
some of  my favorite memories in the world occurred in the kitchen of either my mother, my aunt or my grandmother. it's where my family congregates. deep, deep conversations around the kitchen table. there's just something so good about that.

well, a few years ago, i read a book called cherries in winter. it was a collection of recipes and the family stories behind them, and it was oh so good. i think this is when i realized how important the "table" was in my own life.


cherries in winter by suzan colon

but then, in december on the way home from paris, i read a book called "a little salty to cut the sweet."
now this, this spoke straight to my heart. literally laughing out loud with one sentence and crying the next.
it was so, so, so, good. i read it in about 2 hours....couldn't stop. and i loved it so much that i bought it for my aunt, grandmother and mother in-law for christmas. it's one of those books that i think everyone in the world should read.....or at least everyone in the south ;) this book is southern family stories that just so happen to have a bit of food. but these stories are so familiar to me. so close to the funny and sad and loving stories of my own family. stories that i want more of in my life. i think sitting with my family and listening to old family stories is one of the greatest things in all of life. i love them. and then i get a little scared as my immediate family gets older, and i have no one to pass those stories on to. what if i forget them?


a little salty to cut the sweet by sophie hudson

then, last week, i started reading "bread & wine", a book that has been on the top of my list since it came out.
and oh my word, it's attacking my heart. shauna niequist is literally taking the thoughts right out of my heart and putting them in a book. i don't understand how these books keep getting better. and it has recipes! all 3 books have recipes!
this book is all about life around the table and how jesus meets us there and heals us there and comforts us there. it's about the importance of having "your people".


bread & wine by shauna niequist

i desire deeper relationships with my family.
i desire deeper relationships with my friends, both old and new.
i DESIRE my people coming over and really living life together.

I long for that handful of people who, when you're having a bad day, come over whether you want them to or not to give you a hug....and maybe some chocolate. ;)
and i long to be that person to my people as well. the one who doesn't give up on them. the one who will just sit and listen. the one who will hug it out.

and i can't help but be convinced that jesus is trying to show me something here.
i can't just wish for more life around the table....i have to act on it.
i feel like god is stirring something big in my heart on this topic.
it's time to cultivate. it's time to harvest.

i want to have more life around the table, and i want to make sure that i am breathing in every moment of it.
even if there's a strand or two of dog hair in the meal. ;)

it's not just about recipes or cooking.
it's about the transformations, big and small, that happen around the table.

do yourself a favor and read these books. i'm telling you....they are good stuff!

a normal post.

i'm sure by now you've had all of my paris talk that you can stand!
but i'm also sure you see now why it couldn't possibly be contained into one post!

so today, i'm freshening up a bit and chatting about something DIFFERENT!
woohoo!

we're almost half-way through january 2014 already. can you believe it?
i posted HERE about my word of the year - HEALTHY.
and if you don't want to click over and read about it, basically, my goal for the year is to become healthy in mind, body and soul. from television shows to food to what i read to how i act to how i rely on God. a complete overhaul on my brain if you will.

being as i'm 9 days into this journey, i am extremely proud of myself.
for the last 7 days i have cooked fresh healthy meals and i've been completely satisfied!
i've branched out of my little box of food and it's been so so good.
and i've even lost a couple of pounds without the exercise!

i'm really trying to focus on non-scale victories so that everything isn't tied to a number.
it's important to celebrate the small victories. one thing done better than the day before is still a victory!
this year is not about beating myself up and shaming myself.
it's about implementing healthy choices in all areas of my life.

some non-scale victories to celebrate so far:

• no fried or fast foods in 2014 to date
• consistent quiet times (reading through Whispers of Hope by Beth Moore)
• consistent 3 meals per day (i used to be terrible at eating breakfast)

now the real test will be when my schedule is all out of whack because school starts back for me on monday.

thankfully, it's my last semester EVER! but i tend to lose all consistency when it's in session. so i'm hoping that by then, since i'll have a couple of weeks of this new life under my belt, that i'll be able to carry on. it feels too good going forward to turn and go back.

So long 2013!

i absolutely cannot believe that another year has come and gone.

it truly is scary how quickly time flies.

2013 has been quite a year for us - full of ups and downs.

a real life roller coaster.

and honestly, i'm so excited for what 2014 will bring. 

what will the Lord choose for us this next year?

the anticipation is more than i can handle haha.

last year, i chose just one word for the year instead of a bunch of resolutions that are forgotten a month into the new year. and that word was JESUS. you can read all about it here.

for 2014, i've decided to do a word of the year again. 

this new adventure's word is HEALTHY.

my desire is to spend all of 2014, 365 days, making healthy choices in all aspects of my life.

                                   

beauty

body

thoughts

finances

marriage

relationships

spiritually

literally, HEALTHY all the way around. this isn't something that can be implemented overnight.

no, it's going to be a work in process...which is why i need a whole year to get there.

it's a true overhaul.

what am i putting in my body?

what am i allowing to fill my mind?

how am i spending my money? 

how's my relationship with jesus?

you see, there's a need for health in every single area of life.

and i'm really, really excited about embarking on this new adventure!

do you have a word of the year? what are some of your goals for 2014?

15 days.

ok first of all, can you believe that in 10 short days it will be December?!?!?!?
Christmas time is almost here and you know that it's my favorite!

but more importantly, in 15 days, this Georgia girl will be getting on an airplane (with my most fabulous hubby) and heading to PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!

ER-MEH-GERD.
i'm completely freaking out on the inside.
it's like christmas eve as a child....you know being so excited because SANTA was COMING that very night!
yes, that is exactly what i'm feeling. possibly even a little more extreme.

i'm getting my hair did on saturday. i've gotta have some awesome highlights before heading out right?
and then we've got to go get us a padlock. why?
well to put it on the lovers bridge of course!
legend has it that if you put your name on the lock, and lock it to the bridge, and then throw the keys in the river, then you'll be "locked together forever". so of course i must play along.

i even looked into family photographers in paris to possibly have a photo session while we're there.
ummm yeah, that's gonna cost roughly $500. no thanks. i have a remote and a tripod to my camera. we'll have to make do.

the last few weeks i've been researching and planning; you know trying to get us an itinerary all set.
but really, what i want to do the very most is just eat and explore. to me, that sounds amazing. exploring streets and taking a bazillion pictures. and that's what chris want to do too....so we're just going to wing it!
we'll definitely hit up a couple of museums, but there's only a few things i know i want to see in them.

people think i'm kidding, but all i want to do is roll around in the grass beneath the eiffel tower.
that sounds awesome to me.

it's happening. it's really happening!!!!
oh. my. goodness. gracious. alive!

Pressing Forward.

have you ever noticed how daunting life change can be?
we set out on these adventures to change everything about ourselves and then get discouraged when we fall down. we see failure.

well, at least that's what often happens to me.
but i saw a quote today that managed to offer new hope.

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another." ~Walter Elliott

that is so so true.
i love a little dose of fresh perspective.
small victories are still victories.
so make each day a race instead of the whole year a race.

it could be many races in a day.
for instance, my first race could be choosing a wise meal for breakfast. and once breakfast is over, whether i finished wisely or not, a new race begins and i have a chance to "beat the time of my last race" by making wise lunch choices.

you see?

and this is true in EVERY. SINGLE. AREA. of our lives.
one thing at a time, one moment at a time.
we don't have to set out to make super drastic changes over night.
we have to start somewhere and baby steps are ok.

when someone decides to run a marathon, they don't just show up one day with no training and expect to complete it.
no, they train. they may run every day training. they may run lots of little 5k's and 10k's slowly building themselves up for the big race.

so start training. it's ok to start small as long as you're starting.

it's about to get real

today starts my weight loss challenge group.
when your muffin top is more like a doughnut, well....something must be done.
with a ridiculous lack of motivation, i needed a jump start.

i follow carly on instagram. i found her through a random #pcos hashtag.
she too has pcos, but has gone through an amazing weight loss journey since february.
and she did it through Team BeachBody and Shakeology.
i've seen her posting about challenge groups in which she is a coach, and i finally jumped on board.
i need the accountability and encouragement.

so today it all begins.
yummy good-for-you shakes.
workout dvds.
meal plans.
more exercise.
it is the necessary evil that is my life.

i posted some before pictures on our challenge group board and am utterly disgusted.
it's amazing how the perception of me in my head is sometimes so different from reality.
those bikini shot pictures were brutal. BRUTAL!
and at this point, this new adventure is 100% necessary!

but i'm excited. like really excited.
i'm ready to get this party started.
well and the fact that i paid good money for it lol.
it comes out to be like $4 a day which is $129 for a 30 day supply.
that seemed a little steep at first, but then when i thought about how much we spend on eating out each month......um this is actually really cheap.
if i cut zaxby's out of my life, i'm confident that my savings account will dramatically increase and weight dramatically decrease lol.

funny story about beachbody.
9 & 1/2 years ago while planning my wedding, i fell captive to a beachbody infomercial to which i paid like $90 to be "bikini ready".
about two years ago i gave those dvds to goodwill....still in the plastic wrapper.
i NEVER opened them!

so here we go again....let's do this!
i'll be posting periodic updates. this is a 90 day program which means i should be really cute for paris!
and then i guess i'll need some extreme assistance with not having a carb-fest while there!

30 Years of Me.

well it's here.
30.
today.
today, i am 30.
wow - that seems so unreal.

it's funny how differently things turn out from what you imagined them like as a child.

this little girl here - she had some pretty big dreams.

 

married at 21, babies by 25, a pretty white house with a picket fence, 2 cats and a dog.
my husband was preferably randy travis.

 
i know, i know.
in my defense, he was very cute and popular 25 years ago.

this girl was going to be a teacher and have the coolest 1st grade class room in town.
for heaven's sake, i had an abc 123 sweater!

she wanted to change the world.

 

she looked forward to an adult relationship with her mom.

phone calls every day, mom coming to visit and play with the kids.
i would have never imagined not having her as part of my adult life.

funny how life turns out so differently.

my life is 100% nothing that i had ever dreamed it to be.
but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

i have a wonderful husband that loves me unconditionally.
like seriously...i can be a real b-word and he loves me even then.

that little girl above didn't know her brothers.

they are now my world.

my nieces and nephews are everything to me.

i am blessed beyond belief with amazing family and friends.

yes, i've yet to have my little white house, picket fence, and babies.

instead i've moved 14 times in 9 years. and that's ok.

god is working and that's all that matters.

no i don't have babies, but i've been given a story to share and hope to offer to others.

i'm not a teacher, and i'm not done with school yet. in fact, i honestly don't know what i want to be when i grow up.

i just want to be a willing vessel for God that is stubbornly obedient to Him.

and while this 30th birthday can serve as a reminder of all the things i've yet to accomplish, it's also a reminder of the things i have accomplished.

i saw an AARP commercial the other day that said "not everyone peaks in their twenties"

well thank God for that!

happy birthday lauren anne! keep shining!

i did it. i really did it.

and by "it" i mean that i just booked two round trip flights to paris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whaaaaaaa?

paris has been a lifelong dream of mine. and after spending one night there 9 years ago, my heart has been forever changed and burdened with a need to go back.

we were planning to go next year for our 10 year anniversary.
but i had a bit of an internal awakening which caused us to go ahead and go now.

something about turning 30 that changes you haha!

my twenties have been filled with struggle and heartbreak.
it is imperative that my thirties be something different.
it's a new decade, a new era, a new me.

you know, a lot of times people have a new outlook on life when they survive cancer or some majorly traumatic event. why do we as humans wait for something terrible to happen before we decide to truly live?

life is short.
there will always be something that needs our time, attention and money.

my aunt told me something earlier that really put it into perspective.....sometimes we have to play a part in making our dreams come true.

and this trip truly is a dream come true. my heart is about to burst with excitement.

we'll be heading there in december.
how cute will we be in scarves and hats? eeeeek! sqeeeeeeal!

why yes ms. hepburn, i completely agree!

happy birthday, happy anniversary and merry christmas to us!
life is short friends. don't miss out on actually living it.

the bestest news.

so friday i called my school to discuss changing my major up a little. i just wanted to add a concentration.
the sweet girl told me that it would add 5 classes to my education journey which would make graduation next fall.
me - "wait a minute....i thought i was already graduating next fall"
girl - "no ma'am, you will graduate next spring"
me - "what? like spring 2014? like one more semester?"
girl - "yes ma'am!"
me - "ok nevermind! no concentration for me...just let me graduate!"

this my friends, was the most amazing conversation ever. EVER!
i have been working on this degree for 11 years. yes, 11 years.
do you know what this means?
it means i will graduate while i am still 30.
which means i will be able to check off a major 30 before 30 list item....graduating! because technically, i will still be 30, so it won't be after 30!

this also means that i have to take 5 classes spring semester while working full time.
my life will pretty much be non-existent, but that's ok, because for 8 weeks i can manage no life when it means i will never have school work again!!!

that is all. it was just too good not to share.
love you all!

it's coming....can't stop it

51 days.
the countdown to 30 has started.
and this upcoming milestone has me realizing that life will never be the same.

for instance, today, i colored my hair because the gray is becoming more and more noticeable.

i get excited about paying bills and debt. 

i get excited about a clean house.

i ENJOY the today show and live with kelly and michael.

i feel that 30 makes me officially an adult.

like, there are no excuses for any shenanigans anymore.

it's not like i can say "oh that was my twenties".

no, no ma'am. something about 30 says total grown up.

so for the next 51 days, i'm going to completely figure out a way to make 30 the most epic year ever.

i deserve some epic...in a good way!

watch out world. i just may have arrived.

dreamer.

deep down i'm a dreamer.
for years chris has called me (lovingly) the "dream crusher".
mainly because i'm a bit of a realist.
but i have dreams and passions. somewhere along the way i convinced myself that they were unattainable and irrational and that they were simply dreams...not at all actual possibilities.

to be quite frank, i'm really pissed at myself.
because in all reality, i've spent the last few months desperately searching for my dreams because i managed to erase them all together.

this weekend i believe i told chris that i was a dreamless person with no purpose.
and that's unacceptable.
and about 30 minutes after that conversation, i received a text message from an unknown number.

It said....
"you're locket is ready" and had this picture:

yep, it says "dream".
funny how that happens.

so last night i spent a good amount of time brainstorming my dreams.
searching for them.
and i did indeed find them.
not only did i find some, my heart completely is overwhelmed in the best and worst ways.

shame on that devilish voice inside of me that told me i was unworthy of dreams.
because we are all worthy of dreams. we all deserve to be part of something more than meets the eye.

what are some of your dreams?
what would you do if you knew 100% you could not fail?

the power of words

words...they're a bit of a phenomenon to me.
in one sense, they are very powerful. words can speak life or death.
completely build someone up or shatter them. but on the other hand, words can mean a whole lot of nothing.
just wastes of breath.
words...holding no meaning.
me and jesus have been talking a lot lately.
the gist of our convos have been less talking, more doing. mmmm.
i have a lot of things that i am very passionate about. photography.
orphans. infertility. adoption. changing the world.
and i know that i talk a lot about these things, yet what am i actually doing about them?
so my prayer and desire lately is to do more and talk less.
if i'm so passionate about things, then let my actions do the speaking.
i'm slowly getting started and it feels good.
it feels good to do.

i've been praying for god to show me what to do. where to begin.
and he has...and we're taking baby steps. which is hard, because i want to jump in and do it all.
but history proves that when i do that, i get overwhelmed and stop it all rather quickly.
so maybe god is setting me up to be successful.
i like the sound of that. ;)

you know as i think back through my goals over the years, the goals themselves have been great but the execution is another story.
we're halfway through 2013 and my goals are just now getting started.
i created a 30 before 30 list like 4 years ago and have left so many things undone.
i set off on lofty diets and "lifestyle" changes, yet the numbers are the scale are going up instead of down.
and so...talk is cheap.
it's time to do.

honestly, at this point, what do i have to lose?

dandelions and mondays.

in exactly 4 months I will be 30. FOUR months!!!

how did this happen?

this is problematic, and let me tell you why.

i set these awesome 2013 goals, because it was the year of 30.

i have done none of them.

years ago i created my 30 before 30 list.

i have completed 8 things on the list. EIGHT.

what is wrong with me?

so now the pressure is on. not in a "complete everything you can" kind of way, but i HAVE to create a new way of thinking. i have 4 months to get serious about working out and being more healthy.

i refuse, and i do mean REFUSE to enter my thirties as a fatty.

they say your 30s are the greatest.

well then, i am fully prepared to let them be great!

next year is our 10 year wedding anniversary and i want to take a big trip.

and part of going on that big trip is me being skinnier.

let the madness begin!

and on another note...

frankly, mondays have a bad reputation.
everyone hates mondays.
so to lighten your sad monday, i give you.....

dandelions.

see, weeds can be beautiful.
so let your weed of a monday be a beautiful one.

i dreamed a dream...

if money was no object, and you could do anything in the world, what would it be?

for me, i would travel the world. and not just to visit, but to really see it.
i want to experience all that god has created in this earth.
sure, i'd love to visit all the touristy places...paris, tuscany, scotland, london, dublin, etc.
but i want to see all the hidden places too. and the not so glamorous.
india, haiti, africa. the little towns and villages hidden atop the mountains.
the forsaken.
the forgotten.

oh how i'd love to let my camera capture the stories of so many.
the stories of this world.
the stories of those who truly know how to enjoy life as it was meant to be.

sure, compared with american standards, many places in the world seem so desolate and terrible.
but do they know something we don't?
do they know what it is to not take things for granted?
do they know the true meaning and importance of family?
i feel that they do.
i want to know their secrets.

there's a lot of people in this world.
and i feel like a lot of them have stories that need to be told.
i want to be a voice for the voiceless.

so much in this world is so very broken, and it's so much easier to turn our head and pretend we don't know.
but we do.
we do know about the orphan crisis in this world.
we do know about the heinous sex trafficking....most of which happens right here in america.
heck, atlanta, ga is one of the top 5 hubs for human trafficking.

some days i just wish i could do more.
i want to change the world.
i envy those people who have the faith and courage to give up everything they have for the sake of the call to help.

my dream is to tell stories.
not just for telling, but for compelling.
god calls us all to help.
it's really not an option, although we treat it as if it were.
not all dreams stay dreams.
sometimes, every once in a while, they become reality.

things to check out:
kisses from katie - she lives in uganda and is so inspiring
human trafficking - i encourage you to go here and see all the organizations out there and how big this issue is

Let's Get Muddy

y'all...i am sooo excited!

i've been wanting to participate in a mud run forever now. 

well my time has finally come.

the team pretty muddy run is coming to dallas on june 1st at skyline ranch.

what a great goal to set for accomplishing those new year's goals of losing some weight or getting in shape. 

i know it's super motivation for me.

the great thing about this run is that it's women only, lots of fun, and for all ages and fitness levels.

yes there's a little obstacle course, but you can pick and choose which obstacles you tackle. there's a walk-around for any you don't feel like attempting that day. that's a huge relief for me, because this girl isn't a huge fan of obstacles...especially those including climbing walls.

then after all the fun of wallowing in the mud, there's an awesome after party with live music, games, drinks...

oh yes and there's prizes and giveaways!

registration is open now...who wants to join me? i'm registered! we can make a team!
annnnd we can dress up. so if we want to wallow in pink tutus, let's do it!
early registration ends 2/28 and that gives you $10 off.

come on! who's with me???

sinful heathen.

well at least that's what my granny thinks of me after this weekend.

responses of "lauren, aren't you a little old to be acting like a child?" and "i just don't understand why anyone would defile their body", or my favorite, "there's nothing more disgusting than to see a woman with tattoos and piercings".

oh granny, i guess you'll just have to be disgusted by me.

to which she said she would just wear dark glasses when she was around me. hahaha! oh i love her.

what the heck am i talking about?

oh, well saturday i finally took the plunge and headed to the tattoo shop!

the time had come. i had been planning this tattoo for well over a year and it was all i thought about.

so i just had to do it.

meet tom. he was great. like fo realz.

the tattoo literally only took like maybe 90 seconds to do. now quick pain is how i like it...well if it has to be painful. ;)

i'm hoping that now chris has experienced this, he will finally get one of his own.

you guessed it.

god is able.

you know, my life verse and motto....for everything!

and well i'm a little thrifty. so i got a discount if i got a piercing the same day as my tattoo.

why not?

i've been wanting my nose pierced for years and totally felt that if i was going to do it, then it must be done before i turn 30.

and since that is this year, it had to be done.

here's my nose the last time without a piercing.

clamps in.

pain is a comin.....

and this is exactly the moment where it hurt like hell.

pardon the language, but there's just not another way to describe it.

however, i only let one tear escape the eye ball.

and then i literally could not open my eyes for a good 10 seconds.

ain't it a beaut?!

this was after my red eyes cleared up from the awful awful pain. i mean it was a quick pain...

the crazy lady told me it was like getting my brows waxed.

ummm....no. no ma'am it wasn't.

the tattoo felt much better than the nose.

but nonetheless, it's done!

haha...see here, here you can see the red teary eye.

so in the realm of my new years goals, i'm pretty sure this would fall under "be adventurous" and "have fun", oh yes and "making the most of each day".

take that new year's goals!

and one last thing.

i fully understand that tattoos are not for everyone and a lot of people don't understand why a person would get one. also know, although as an almost 30 year old, i shouldn't have to justify it.  i strategically designed this so that it could be covered by a watch or bracelet should i go somewhere that it would be inappropriate.

but let me say this...and i know i may get some backlash for it.

as a christian, my job is not to sit at home and keep that good news to myself.

god tells me to go unto all the world and spread the greatness of his name.

and the phrase, song and verse pertaining to "god is able" is something that is so inexplicably great to me. possibly one of the greatest messages of hope that the bible speaks of. my lifestyle is different now that i work from home. i don't have the opportunities to plant seeds or live out loud in front of others on a day to day basis. this tattoo is something i needed for me....an absolute constant reminder of the greatness of god.

someone told me that i could keep that in my heart.

well it is, but as a christian, i'm not meant to keep it all to myself.

this tattoo allows me to plant seeds without ever speaking a word. think about any purchases i make...that cashier will see it. things like that.

it's an awesome conversation piece too....please, ask me what it means.

so no, i don't believe that everyone needs a tattoo in order to tell of jesus. and no, that is not the only reason i got it. anyone who knows me, knows what this phrase is to me.

and for this particular season in my life, i felt it was the thing to do.

i believe that tattoo issues are a matter of personal conviction.

i have been planning this tattoo for over a year, and not once ounce of conviction have i felt about it.

therefore, in my life, i do not feel god is angry at me for putting this on my body.

especially if it has the potential to allow me to share my story and build his kingdom.

so while you do not have to agree with me, you also do not have to condemn me for it.

our stories are all different. our paths are different. my story doesn't have to and shouldn't match yours exactly.

so i hope that at the end of the day that i am not judged...i'm just in love with my savior and all that he has done for me, and frankly, i'd like to shout it from the rooftops. but since that might get me institutionalized, this is the route that i have taken and believe is right for me.

and well the nose ring....that was just for fun.