a matter of principle

My mind can come up with several things relative to the title but this is actually about something happening to us right now.

My husband performed a service on good faith and still hasn't been paid for it.

Before your mind wanders...

He is a mechanic and he fixed someone's vehicle.

This couple has actually given him grief in the past, there was a miscommunication about what he was supposed to fix.

The wife chewed him out and he took the high road and fixed the other concern at no charge. It wasn't his fault or his problem but he took care of it because that is the kind of guy he is.

So 3 weeks ago they call with another issue. He was pretty sure what the problem was by the description and they had the vehicle towed to our house.

Jason got the part and fixed it the next day. They didn't pick it up until the following week and they asked if he would take a post dated check.

He said it was fine, we know what it's like to be in a bind, people have helped us out in the past.

It was dated for a week later, on that day he called and asked him to hold it a few more days.

That was 10 days ago.

No communication, Jason has called and left messages with no response.

Now we are in a position where we need this money, we have a check that is probably worthless.

The thing is we expect honesty and communication. We can work it out if we know what we are working with.

This is irresponsible and just plain rude.

It bothers me when people don't take responsibility for their actions.

One action affects another and a whole turn of events can take place from one decision or action and it impacts many people.

Responsibility is an important principle that seems to get tossed aside for someone else to take care of.

Grow up people!!!!

Respect

My friend over at Heart Rockin Family has started something awesome.

There is a picture on my sidebar you can click on to check it out.

Here is a link to her blog post.

Kids talking

Tonight Cassie told me that the girls down the street don't want her to tell me stuff.

They are 7 years old and already keep secrets from their parents.

I am so thankful that Cass talks to me, she tells me things, asks me things whatever it is she knows it's alright to talk to me.

I am trying so hard to build the foundation so when she is a teen we will already have the communication open.

I just hugged her and thanked her for telling me. She knows I'm not like her friends parents, this way of parenting is so worth the effort.

Rules, punishment, Christianity, unschooling...

Obviously I don't know what to call this post, I have thoughts spurred from a recent exchange on a yahoo group. I admit to skimming and not fully reading but I pretty much do that anyway, it's how I read.

There are no rules and punishments in my house, there is not top down authoritarian parenting. We advocate respect and safety, we talk, we model, we live, one person's freedom ends where another begins, we must have respect in the house. This is something that takes time and effort from parents to model for their kids, you can't expect what you don't give. You also need to realize that it is a process just like everything else, modeling and discussing are high on the list.

I am a Christian because I believe in God, I believe that Jesus is his son who walked on this earth as a perfect man. I do not believe in churchianity, I do not believe in obedience out of fear, I do not believe in arbitrary rules and thou shalt nots and punishment. I choose to believe, I choose to have faith, I choose to be responsible because it's the right thing to do. I do not do it out of fear of eternal damnation.

I want my kids to act out of the sheer fact that it's kind and right and respectful not because they are afraid of what I will do to them if they don't, or worse what God will do.

Parenting based on fear and punishment is flawed at best and it sets up an adversarial relationship with our kids.

There is no *getting in trouble* if anyone does something *wrong* we talk about it, we work out the problem. We talk about so many things all of the time, we do not parent out of fear and we do not instill fear in our kids. I do not train my children either they are not animals they are people, I guide,model, respect, discuss, and facilitate and pray a lot. Heck even our dogs are unschooled... They are free in the boundaries of our property, they aren't beaten or punished, they are animals, how could I treat my child less...

Society is full of laws and rules, why do we need them in our homes? We sure don't, we should be free in our own homes. Naysayers might say how could someone raised without rules obey the laws of the land?

Well it is called modeling and discussing and learning about our world. My kids know about laws and rules they just don't have extra ones at home. For what it's worth sometimes laws are stupid and I do break them, am I some bad influence? NO! I am a person with a brain that does not mindlessly follow anyone. If I drive fast and get caught I pay the consequence, it's really that simple. Although ya'll know I am against speed limits and drinking ages and homeschool laws and anything that takes away civil liberty and personal freedom and responsibility for one's actions.

As unschoolers who live and learn in freedom without the confines of school we parent the same way, we live and breathe freedom. We advocate responsibility and respect for each other and for this world that God gave us.

Something my dad said...

I called my dad tonight to talk and wish him Merry Christmas, we talked for 1 1/2 hours, we haven't spoke since Father's day.

He actually mentioned more than once how he hasn't heard from me in a long time, I did email him a link to pics that he never got

We don't talk much, it's hard, we are soooo different BUT I do try to keep in touch.

He said something that has been bothering me all night, I usually let things roll off my back but this one is sticking.

He said that my kids spend too much time with me and that I need to farm them out.

I just danced around that and really internalized it.
I did NOT have kids to FARM THEM OUT!!!!!! Hello!!!! He is a PS teacher if that helps.

He respects my choices and does not cause trouble but his comments do get to me on occasion.

YA THINK!!!

NO farming out, no Public School, NO shit!!!!!

Ok I feel much better now and my kids are happy :)

Parenting 101

If you respect your children, they will be respectful.

If you trust your children, they will be trustworthy.

If you are generous with your children, they will be generous.

If you are patient with your children, they will be patient.

If you model curiosity to your children, they will be curious.

If you are kind and gentle with your children, they will be kind and
gentle.


We are easily conditioned.

But: If you are controlling of your children, they will rebel.

If you are disrespectful of your children, they will show no respect.

If you are distrusting of your children, they will lie and sneak.

If you are impatient with your children, they will dawdle.

If you force your children, they will resist.

If you are stingy with your children, they will steal.

This ain’t rocket science.

What kind of relationship are you looking for?

-Kelly Lovejoy

"Unparenting" revisted

I know, I know, been there done that... How many times am I supposed to see someone claim they are an unschooler but NOT an unparent????

I honestly believe that people who say this are NOT unschoolers! In order for someone to say this they must have some preconceived notion about how unschoolers parent in the first place.
From what I see unschoolers are very mindful parents. They are respectful parents. They work hard at parenting, well I sure do.

I have 4 very different, very individual children, to parent them blanketly and arbitrarily would cause them undo harm.

I have stated many times before that I parent my ass off and it's true, I can't sit down cause it hurts, no cushion there, LOL!

Really in order to unschool completely you must parent completely. Making arbitrary rules for the sake of convenience or trying to uphold some sort of notion you have about how kids should act and how you should parent is wrong in my opinion.

Kids are people and deserve to be treated as such,actually just yesterday Jared asked me if kids were people, what a question from a 5 year old.

I will tell you it is pretty damn easy to sit high and mighty and make rules and punishments and take away *privileges* and make up bedtimes and cut out video games and whatever else parents do to make their kids obey.

To truly parent in the spirit of your children takes a huge paradigm shift away from authoritarian and move towards respect and partnership. It is beneficial to parent individually and not make up stupid rules for everyone to follow and punishments when they don't.

It makes so much more sense to discuss things and find the root of the issue or behaviour and to LISTEN to your child.

Jared's hair

Here is my handsome little man, he hasn't had his hair cut in over 1 1/2 years. He looked really cool but then it started looking pretty messy. He was getting called a girl all of the time, so one day at Target he told the checkout lady that he was a kid and a boy. He figured he would tell her before she called him a girl. I have to admit that this was a learning experience for me and a real testimony to his autonomy. I am so glad that I respected his wishes and didn't cut his hair until he wanted me too.

Respectful parenting

When I was growing up I was treated poorly, I was treated like a second class citizen and that my opinions didn't matter, I was verbally abused and hit. This treatment came mostly from a stepparent in my early teen years, what a time to be treated like shit.

When I was 14 I moved in with my dad and it took a long time for trust to be built up on both sides. One thing that my dad did for me was listen to me, he respected my opinion even when he didn't agree. I am very thankful that he did that, he still does, he is a public school teacher and he has never said one thing against homeschooling.

When I became a parent I really wanted to do things differently, I did not want to repeat the mistakes of my parents. I mean we all make mistakes but when we know better we do better.
I believe that respect is one of the most important things in a family, it goes both ways. Children that are treated with respect will learn how to be respectful. Of course this has to come from me first, as they grow and learn it will become part of them. Modeling and discussing are such important parts of parenting.

We do not have any rules to be broken or privileges to be taken away, we all live together and boy there is a whole lot to learn from that :)

This is no easy task, I spend a lot of time diffusing conflicts between the kids. Something that I repeat often is *treat each other the way you want to be treated*

I want them to show respect and be respected, we have to learn how to get along and compromise and be flexible. It is also so important to think for yourself and form an opinion and problem solve, I want my kids to have these qualities.

Of course what I want really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things they have to want it for themselves.

I am hoping to model positive behaviors and qualities for them, of course I'm far from perfect, it seems they pick up on my negative qualities too