I can't believe it's been 1 1/2 years since I posted. A lot has been going on with me personally and I am trying to come back from it. I won't talk about that right now. I want to focus on being a mom and talking about our awesome kids.
Those that know me or follow this blog know how I feel about parenting. When you start out raising your kids as a partner instead of their adversary, beautiful things happen. When you give love, trust and respect, it shows and comes back to you. It may seem like it takes a long time to build the foundation, it does, as they grow through the years you will see how it comes back tenfold.
When our kids were small, I worked my ass off trying to treat them in the way they needed, not in the way I thought they needed.
As of today they are 18, 16, 14 and 11, in the next 6 weeks that will change to 19, 16, 14 and 12.
They are not small children anymore. Our oldest is a responsible adult, who has a job and his own car. Our middle son just turned 16 and is just an awesome, caring person. Our daughter is turning into such a beautiful young woman and then our baby is so creative and full of life.
I thought I was doing a pretty good job with this parenting thing with our first three. Then Jared came along and he had his own playbook. He challenged me to parent him in ways I never knew. I have written about his explosive personality and brilliant mind.
I am just at a point where I can't believe how grown up they are and how fast it all goes. I am just so happy and proud to be their mom. We will keep on loving, trusting, respecting, supporting and partnering with them as they continue to grow and mature.
They are completely unschooled as always.
If you want awesome kids, you have to treat them that way!
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, May 31, 2014
Monday, August 20, 2012
Parents
Once again I am seeing an influx of things on Facebook that reference to the way kids are today is because their parents aren't spanking them. I disagree and unfortunately a lot of kids still get hit. No child should ever be hit...period!
The disrespect and disregard for other people and their property is because of the way kids are being raised.
The parents who rule, bully, take things away, bribe, coerce, ground, time out etc...I don't know what ever parents do to try and make a kid do what they want....The schools do the same thing, rule and coerce... They instill fear, they do not respect the child. The child has no control over themselves but must adhere to whatever rules are being thrown at them.
If you raise your child in a respectful manner none of these measures are needed. I don't think they are necessary and they don't work anyway. They just make kids get more clever with hiding, lying and getting away with stuff.
Be your child's partner in this life not their adversary.... Maybe I sound like a broken record but damn it somebody has to stand up for these kids.
Parents! I implore you to take a long hard look at what you are doing to your child. You are doing internal damage and if you are spanking you are doing worse.
Kids who are living with respect, learn it and give it back.
You can change, it's not too late. It may take years to undo and some things just can't be undone. I know from experience, I was that child...
The disrespect and disregard for other people and their property is because of the way kids are being raised.
The parents who rule, bully, take things away, bribe, coerce, ground, time out etc...I don't know what ever parents do to try and make a kid do what they want....The schools do the same thing, rule and coerce... They instill fear, they do not respect the child. The child has no control over themselves but must adhere to whatever rules are being thrown at them.
If you raise your child in a respectful manner none of these measures are needed. I don't think they are necessary and they don't work anyway. They just make kids get more clever with hiding, lying and getting away with stuff.
Be your child's partner in this life not their adversary.... Maybe I sound like a broken record but damn it somebody has to stand up for these kids.
Parents! I implore you to take a long hard look at what you are doing to your child. You are doing internal damage and if you are spanking you are doing worse.
Kids who are living with respect, learn it and give it back.
You can change, it's not too late. It may take years to undo and some things just can't be undone. I know from experience, I was that child...
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Parenting for the children
There are just too many examples of harmful parenting out there. Perhaps it's always been this way but the internet makes it more readily available to hear and see. Or maybe it really has gotten worse. I don't know. It is disheartening to me to see the latest bad parenting by public humiliation. This is where the parent makes a sign stating whatever the child did and makes them stand out on a street corner for strangers to see. What is even worse to me is that many people agree with this and think it's a great idea because kids these days are rotten and disrespectful etc...
Honestly it is the parent that causes these kids to be this way. If you are demanding, controlling, belittling, mean, rude, disrespectful etc. to your child, how do you think they will be? You get what you give. People talk about spoiling babies, terrible two's, terrible teens etc... If that is what you expect that is what you will get.
I love babies they are tiny human beings, not food, they don't spoil. They thrive on human interaction and touch and being talked to and loved. Toddlers are wonderful little people exploring their world and teens are downright fun. I loved having toddlers and now I enjoy them as teens. My kids are not terrible they are wonderful.
Are we perfect? No, nobody is perfect. We decided to have kids and then decided to raise them as partners not adversaries. We take every situation as it comes, each child is different, each situation is different. We discuss behaviors and how to act in certain situations. Our kids have never been in trouble or punished.
When you set up an adversarial relationship and add in school, which in my opinion is the crux of the demise of families, you are going to get all of the behaviors you didn't want. Schools put a wedge between parent and child right from the start and by the time they are teens it's only worse. Yes, I know some people have a good relationship with their child even though they attend school. Let's face it, they are the exception, not the norm.
When you parent from a place of love, trust and respect, live with principles instead of rigid rules and build that foundation it manifests as the child grows. Then you suddenly have a house full of teens that love, trust and respect you because that is what they know.
Be your child's partner in this life not their enemy.
Some people think it's cool to rule and control, I don't get that at all. If you think humiliating your child in public will all of a sudden make them learn and change, you are wrong. I believe it will make them bitter and angry and cause more disrespect as they grow.
I'm almost a little concerned about what kind of world my children will live in as adults. I see the generation they are a part of and the way these kids are being raised is appalling to me. I know there are people out there who get how we parent but we are such a small percentage. The big picture are people being raised in a controlling environment without autonomy or respect. There are lots of teenage punks out there that don't care about anything and don't respect other people or their property. It's all in how they were raised.
If you are one of these parents I speak of I implore you to take a long, hard look at the long term damage that you are inflicting on your children. Take steps to change, get help, whatever it may be but please stop damaging your kids.
I am still trying to heal from my childhood, therapy has helped a little but there is a lot of damage that just can't be undone.
Let's raise children that don't need to recover from their childhood!
Honestly it is the parent that causes these kids to be this way. If you are demanding, controlling, belittling, mean, rude, disrespectful etc. to your child, how do you think they will be? You get what you give. People talk about spoiling babies, terrible two's, terrible teens etc... If that is what you expect that is what you will get.
I love babies they are tiny human beings, not food, they don't spoil. They thrive on human interaction and touch and being talked to and loved. Toddlers are wonderful little people exploring their world and teens are downright fun. I loved having toddlers and now I enjoy them as teens. My kids are not terrible they are wonderful.
Are we perfect? No, nobody is perfect. We decided to have kids and then decided to raise them as partners not adversaries. We take every situation as it comes, each child is different, each situation is different. We discuss behaviors and how to act in certain situations. Our kids have never been in trouble or punished.
When you set up an adversarial relationship and add in school, which in my opinion is the crux of the demise of families, you are going to get all of the behaviors you didn't want. Schools put a wedge between parent and child right from the start and by the time they are teens it's only worse. Yes, I know some people have a good relationship with their child even though they attend school. Let's face it, they are the exception, not the norm.
When you parent from a place of love, trust and respect, live with principles instead of rigid rules and build that foundation it manifests as the child grows. Then you suddenly have a house full of teens that love, trust and respect you because that is what they know.
Be your child's partner in this life not their enemy.
Some people think it's cool to rule and control, I don't get that at all. If you think humiliating your child in public will all of a sudden make them learn and change, you are wrong. I believe it will make them bitter and angry and cause more disrespect as they grow.
I'm almost a little concerned about what kind of world my children will live in as adults. I see the generation they are a part of and the way these kids are being raised is appalling to me. I know there are people out there who get how we parent but we are such a small percentage. The big picture are people being raised in a controlling environment without autonomy or respect. There are lots of teenage punks out there that don't care about anything and don't respect other people or their property. It's all in how they were raised.
If you are one of these parents I speak of I implore you to take a long, hard look at the long term damage that you are inflicting on your children. Take steps to change, get help, whatever it may be but please stop damaging your kids.
I am still trying to heal from my childhood, therapy has helped a little but there is a lot of damage that just can't be undone.
Let's raise children that don't need to recover from their childhood!
Friday, May 11, 2012
Being a mom
I became a mother almost 17 years ago, it's the best thing I have ever done. There was a time that we didn't know if I would be able to have kids so the fact that I have 4 is a true blessing.
When my babies were born I held them all the time, nursed them, slept with them, talked to them like they were real people, because they are real people, just little.
I met their needs the best that I could. I put them first, I shared my day with them. As they grew and developed and started walking and talking and coming into their own, I enjoyed every minute of it. Although some of it is a blur from pure exhaustion, I did have 4 kids in just under 7 years.
They are now almost 17,14,13 and10... The years really have flown by. I respect my children and parent with them in partnership, trust and love. We have great relationships, conversations and have lots of fun together.
I am proud to say that my children are my friends!
With Mother's day approaching I always think why do we need one day to shout out. I believe that every day is Mother's Day because I am honored to spend each day with my children. Moms want to feel appreciated for everything they do so it's a good idea to let them know all the time, not once a year.
When my babies were born I held them all the time, nursed them, slept with them, talked to them like they were real people, because they are real people, just little.
I met their needs the best that I could. I put them first, I shared my day with them. As they grew and developed and started walking and talking and coming into their own, I enjoyed every minute of it. Although some of it is a blur from pure exhaustion, I did have 4 kids in just under 7 years.
They are now almost 17,14,13 and10... The years really have flown by. I respect my children and parent with them in partnership, trust and love. We have great relationships, conversations and have lots of fun together.
I am proud to say that my children are my friends!
With Mother's day approaching I always think why do we need one day to shout out. I believe that every day is Mother's Day because I am honored to spend each day with my children. Moms want to feel appreciated for everything they do so it's a good idea to let them know all the time, not once a year.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
conversations
As my kids continue to grow and develop I continue to be in awe of the wonderful people they are.
Talking with the older ones about political hot topics or the latest news of the day shows me how bright and articulate they are. They have their own opinions on various topics and are able to express them.
They aren't brainwashed by school or me or the media. They take in info and they form their own ideas, and conclusions.
It's an honor to share life with my children.
Talking with the older ones about political hot topics or the latest news of the day shows me how bright and articulate they are. They have their own opinions on various topics and are able to express them.
They aren't brainwashed by school or me or the media. They take in info and they form their own ideas, and conclusions.
It's an honor to share life with my children.
Saturday, March 03, 2012
Witnessed at the playground
I was hanging around keeping an eye on Jared running through the playground when I saw something that really bothers me.
I heard a little voice from the jungle gym say,"Mommy can you get my apple juice, I tirsty."
The mom sitting on the bench says, "No, I'm not walking to the car." But I'm tirsty...... Mom: I'm not walking to the car, you'll be fine...
Then I see the little girl and I mean little, probably 3 years old... She tried to get her mom to get her juice, mom wouldn't do it. They left a few minutes later.
It's a playground, kids play, they need a drink. Smart thing is to bring the drink with you. I'm just so bothered by this because you can bet the farm that if the mom was thirsty she would walk her ass out to the car!
This small child couldn't do anything about it.
Don't be a lazy ass parent. That is pretty cruel in my mind to deny a child a drink because you are lazy!
I heard a little voice from the jungle gym say,"Mommy can you get my apple juice, I tirsty."
The mom sitting on the bench says, "No, I'm not walking to the car." But I'm tirsty...... Mom: I'm not walking to the car, you'll be fine...
Then I see the little girl and I mean little, probably 3 years old... She tried to get her mom to get her juice, mom wouldn't do it. They left a few minutes later.
It's a playground, kids play, they need a drink. Smart thing is to bring the drink with you. I'm just so bothered by this because you can bet the farm that if the mom was thirsty she would walk her ass out to the car!
This small child couldn't do anything about it.
Don't be a lazy ass parent. That is pretty cruel in my mind to deny a child a drink because you are lazy!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Why do some people have kids?
I really do believe that there are lots of people out there that should not have had kids. That is another story...
I do wonder why some people have kids and then bitch about them. Tonight at the store I witnessed a mom with 3 kids bitching about her kids with the cashier. I really couldn't hear everything, I was in another lane, it just bothers me. I see so much bad parenting out there but to just complain about it to strangers????
If you change your thinking and your attitude about your children I bet they would start acting differently. You get what you give. If you are always bitching you aren't going to get happy children.
Most small kids do not like going to the grocery store as it is, it's not fun, they have to sit in the cart and they can't have any treats in the check out aisle.... They keep asking and keep getting denied....
Well actually my kids can have a candy bar or pack of gum....they get one almost every time we go. Now that my kids are older I usually go shopping by myself or just one will tag along. Now they ask me for a Twix as I'm going out the door.
I guess my point really is that we need to be aware of how we are treating our children in public and at home.
Some parents are just so dramatic and rude.
We all get tired, we all have bad moments, the key is to recognize it and do something about it to make it better.
Bitching and moaning and woe is me I'm so tired can't these damn kids behave....That will get you exactly what you give!
I do wonder why some people have kids and then bitch about them. Tonight at the store I witnessed a mom with 3 kids bitching about her kids with the cashier. I really couldn't hear everything, I was in another lane, it just bothers me. I see so much bad parenting out there but to just complain about it to strangers????
If you change your thinking and your attitude about your children I bet they would start acting differently. You get what you give. If you are always bitching you aren't going to get happy children.
Most small kids do not like going to the grocery store as it is, it's not fun, they have to sit in the cart and they can't have any treats in the check out aisle.... They keep asking and keep getting denied....
Well actually my kids can have a candy bar or pack of gum....they get one almost every time we go. Now that my kids are older I usually go shopping by myself or just one will tag along. Now they ask me for a Twix as I'm going out the door.
I guess my point really is that we need to be aware of how we are treating our children in public and at home.
Some parents are just so dramatic and rude.
We all get tired, we all have bad moments, the key is to recognize it and do something about it to make it better.
Bitching and moaning and woe is me I'm so tired can't these damn kids behave....That will get you exactly what you give!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
People are people
We are all different, I don't expect anyone to be like me. I'm surprised when I find people who actually get me.
My viewpoint is unique to me and it's not usually popular.
My opinions are my own as are yours.
Sometimes I talk about things that I care about. You don't have to read it and you don't have to care.
I'm very passionate about children being raised in environments where they are respected.
I'm passionate about Unschooling. You don't have to share my passion and you don't have to Unschool.
If you are here reading I assume it's because sometimes I actually have something interesting to say.
My viewpoint is unique to me and it's not usually popular.
My opinions are my own as are yours.
Sometimes I talk about things that I care about. You don't have to read it and you don't have to care.
I'm very passionate about children being raised in environments where they are respected.
I'm passionate about Unschooling. You don't have to share my passion and you don't have to Unschool.
If you are here reading I assume it's because sometimes I actually have something interesting to say.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
The little girl next door
I mean little, I think she is 3.
She is cute.
She is strong willed, I like that.
She wants to play with Cassie all the time. At first Cassie loved playing with her. But she has proven to be annoying and not listen.
It's not her fault... I won't get into too much detail but she lives with her grandparents(our neighbors) most of the time... Her parents are irresponsible... I won't get into my beef on that.
She is a sweet cute little thing and I want to be kind to her.
She comes over, she just walks in without knocking and she doesn't want to leave...
The truth is that kids like to be at our house, they always have.
While I pride myself on having that environment I suppose we need to draw lines.
When we lived at our old house we were the place to go for the neighbor kids. Two of those kids have become best buds with my kids. Even though we moved we still go get them at least once a week and they come and spend the night
We are the fun house... Sometimes it's exhausting and expensive...
I love kids! I hate that they are subject to their parents fuck ups and have to endure so much bullshit....
That is why we are so inviting.... They don't sense that crap here..
She is cute.
She is strong willed, I like that.
She wants to play with Cassie all the time. At first Cassie loved playing with her. But she has proven to be annoying and not listen.
It's not her fault... I won't get into too much detail but she lives with her grandparents(our neighbors) most of the time... Her parents are irresponsible... I won't get into my beef on that.
She is a sweet cute little thing and I want to be kind to her.
She comes over, she just walks in without knocking and she doesn't want to leave...
The truth is that kids like to be at our house, they always have.
While I pride myself on having that environment I suppose we need to draw lines.
When we lived at our old house we were the place to go for the neighbor kids. Two of those kids have become best buds with my kids. Even though we moved we still go get them at least once a week and they come and spend the night
We are the fun house... Sometimes it's exhausting and expensive...
I love kids! I hate that they are subject to their parents fuck ups and have to endure so much bullshit....
That is why we are so inviting.... They don't sense that crap here..
Monday, July 11, 2011
Growing up...
I experienced separation anxiety yesterday...
Kieran, my first born son flew out to Arizona by himself and will be there for 8 days. He has a wonderful opportunity to meet some family members and visit places like the Grand Canyon. I am happy for him!
I was having some anxiety and just didn't feel well. I teared up a few times, I didn't want him to feel it. He knows I miss him and that it's hard on me.
He has been with me for 16 years, he is my buddy, my right hand man. The only times we were away overnight was when I gave birth to his siblings. That is it!
He is an awesome person, he is bright, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, kind, helpful, responsible, mature...he is down right wonderful....
I look forward to the pictures and the stories that he will share when he returns.
I just don't know how people have a baby, put them in a crib in another room, send them to daycare, preschool, grade school, high school....Away...away... away.....
The time with our kids is precious and short lived, enjoy every moment...I've blogged about bonding before, we have a bond that will last forever.
The time goes to quickly, my baby will be 16 next week... I blinked, he's not a baby anymore, he is a young man who I admire and love.
Kieran, my first born son flew out to Arizona by himself and will be there for 8 days. He has a wonderful opportunity to meet some family members and visit places like the Grand Canyon. I am happy for him!
I was having some anxiety and just didn't feel well. I teared up a few times, I didn't want him to feel it. He knows I miss him and that it's hard on me.
He has been with me for 16 years, he is my buddy, my right hand man. The only times we were away overnight was when I gave birth to his siblings. That is it!
He is an awesome person, he is bright, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, kind, helpful, responsible, mature...he is down right wonderful....
I look forward to the pictures and the stories that he will share when he returns.
I just don't know how people have a baby, put them in a crib in another room, send them to daycare, preschool, grade school, high school....Away...away... away.....
The time with our kids is precious and short lived, enjoy every moment...I've blogged about bonding before, we have a bond that will last forever.
The time goes to quickly, my baby will be 16 next week... I blinked, he's not a baby anymore, he is a young man who I admire and love.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Why would you choose this?
The older my kids get the more I realize how little time we really have with them. I have always been home with my kids, I didn't have kids to send them away. This was a very important decision to me. I was career oriented, I was in college. I believe that you can't have both successfully, one will suffer and usually it's the children.
I changed my mind, I dropped out of college and had babies. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I just wish that people actually thought before they had children. Pregnancy is preventable....
Children are not convenient and are not something to fit into your life, you need to fit into their life.
We never planned on sending them to school... I can't imagine being apart for 6-8 hours a day/5days a week for 12 years. What kind of family life and relationship do you really have?
It's coming up to that time every year that lots of parents can't wait for school to start. You see it everywhere you go, parents really can't stand to be with their children. It is a sad state to be in. I don't understand why people have kids if they don't want to be with them.
I've had more people than I care to remember say to me about homeschooling...*Oh I could never do that* They can't stay home and be with their kids, watch them grow and learn and be their partner in life.
I believe that a big part of what is wrong in this country is the public school system and the government getting involved in the family. So many parents turn over the care of their children to the system. I don't even know if it's a conscious decision or they just do it because it's what society preaches. Little kids are groomed that one day they will go to school, adults always ask kids questions that pertain to school. What grade are you in? Do you like your teacher? What did you learn in school today? On and on...
How about we ask kids what they enjoy doing?
It's just a big beef of mine. You can say live and let live.... I try to but I can't NOT say something when it is so clear to me that there is a better way to life than school. I'm advocating for all of those kids with no choice, no respect, no time to be free and think their own thoughts. So many kids are being stressed beyond belief to pass the test, make the grade etc....
All for what? To join the rat race of mediocrity?
There is so much more to life than school, school is unnecessary.
Why have kids and send them away for someone else to raise? Government schools are the worst place for children to grow up. They need love, nurture, respect, partnership, trust and freedom to grow up healthy, happy and whole people.
I changed my mind, I dropped out of college and had babies. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
I just wish that people actually thought before they had children. Pregnancy is preventable....
Children are not convenient and are not something to fit into your life, you need to fit into their life.
We never planned on sending them to school... I can't imagine being apart for 6-8 hours a day/5days a week for 12 years. What kind of family life and relationship do you really have?
It's coming up to that time every year that lots of parents can't wait for school to start. You see it everywhere you go, parents really can't stand to be with their children. It is a sad state to be in. I don't understand why people have kids if they don't want to be with them.
I've had more people than I care to remember say to me about homeschooling...*Oh I could never do that* They can't stay home and be with their kids, watch them grow and learn and be their partner in life.
I believe that a big part of what is wrong in this country is the public school system and the government getting involved in the family. So many parents turn over the care of their children to the system. I don't even know if it's a conscious decision or they just do it because it's what society preaches. Little kids are groomed that one day they will go to school, adults always ask kids questions that pertain to school. What grade are you in? Do you like your teacher? What did you learn in school today? On and on...
How about we ask kids what they enjoy doing?
It's just a big beef of mine. You can say live and let live.... I try to but I can't NOT say something when it is so clear to me that there is a better way to life than school. I'm advocating for all of those kids with no choice, no respect, no time to be free and think their own thoughts. So many kids are being stressed beyond belief to pass the test, make the grade etc....
All for what? To join the rat race of mediocrity?
There is so much more to life than school, school is unnecessary.
Why have kids and send them away for someone else to raise? Government schools are the worst place for children to grow up. They need love, nurture, respect, partnership, trust and freedom to grow up healthy, happy and whole people.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Kids grow up too fast
Today is Jared's 9th birthday. He was my last baby. We actually thought we were done after 3 kids and were planning on making that official and then I get bit by the baby bug.
You know the baby bug? Every time I saw a baby I got all emotional, I needed another baby...
So Jason saw this reaction keep happening and I told him I wanted another baby and he said OK!
Jared is such a bundle of intense energy. He has caused me to be a better, patient, understanding parent.
I have been his partner all his life, I have run intereference and helped him handle situations that other kids may not have a problem with. We would only go to Jared friendly places so he could be himself.
He was very different from my other babies right from the start. He used to scream from 1-4am the first few weeks of his life....
His perspective is different, he is intense and he thinks deeply and feels deeply. He is awesome, talented, artistic, has a photographic memory and can be very focused or get very frustrated.
I love this little boy more than I can express here!
Happy Birthday dear Jared! I'm so thankful you were born!
Next month my oldest turns 16...WOW!
Enjoy your babies because you blink and they aren't babies anymore!
You know the baby bug? Every time I saw a baby I got all emotional, I needed another baby...
So Jason saw this reaction keep happening and I told him I wanted another baby and he said OK!
Jared is such a bundle of intense energy. He has caused me to be a better, patient, understanding parent.
I have been his partner all his life, I have run intereference and helped him handle situations that other kids may not have a problem with. We would only go to Jared friendly places so he could be himself.
He was very different from my other babies right from the start. He used to scream from 1-4am the first few weeks of his life....
His perspective is different, he is intense and he thinks deeply and feels deeply. He is awesome, talented, artistic, has a photographic memory and can be very focused or get very frustrated.
I love this little boy more than I can express here!
Happy Birthday dear Jared! I'm so thankful you were born!
Next month my oldest turns 16...WOW!
Enjoy your babies because you blink and they aren't babies anymore!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Parenting
My parenting convictions are rooted in trust, respect and partnership.
I have been building a foundation for 16 years. It takes time to establish trust and respect. I parent as a partner with my children. I do not believe in top down rules and arbitration.
I want the lines of communication to be open. My kids can tell me anything without fear of punishment or ridicule or shame. I do not believe in force or coercion, it undermines the child's autonomy.
I have always spoken to my kids like real people who deserve respect. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I apologize and do better in the next moment.
My kids are getting older and require a different level of parenting from me. It's so different when they are babies, toddlers and little people. I now have two teens and two coming up on those years quickly.
I expect that we can handle anything that comes up because of the foundation I have worked so hard to build.
As unschoolers, life learners we take everything as it comes. Each child and situation is different and warrants a different approach.
I do my best as a mother to listen to and respect my children's individuality. I never punish or shame or take anything away. I think it's wrong to act like that.
When a behavior or situation arises I want to get to the why. Acting out is always a symptom, but getting to the heart of the matter is more important than worrying about the behavior.
Talk, ask, listen, discuss, listen some more, connect and be where they are at.
They grow up so fast, I want their childhood to be pleasant and something they look back on with fondness.
I have been building a foundation for 16 years. It takes time to establish trust and respect. I parent as a partner with my children. I do not believe in top down rules and arbitration.
I want the lines of communication to be open. My kids can tell me anything without fear of punishment or ridicule or shame. I do not believe in force or coercion, it undermines the child's autonomy.
I have always spoken to my kids like real people who deserve respect. I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I apologize and do better in the next moment.
My kids are getting older and require a different level of parenting from me. It's so different when they are babies, toddlers and little people. I now have two teens and two coming up on those years quickly.
I expect that we can handle anything that comes up because of the foundation I have worked so hard to build.
As unschoolers, life learners we take everything as it comes. Each child and situation is different and warrants a different approach.
I do my best as a mother to listen to and respect my children's individuality. I never punish or shame or take anything away. I think it's wrong to act like that.
When a behavior or situation arises I want to get to the why. Acting out is always a symptom, but getting to the heart of the matter is more important than worrying about the behavior.
Talk, ask, listen, discuss, listen some more, connect and be where they are at.
They grow up so fast, I want their childhood to be pleasant and something they look back on with fondness.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Grocery store parenting
I witnessed something today that made me feel bad for the kid and the parents. It wasn't the typical sit down or I'll spank you, of course I HATE that one.
It was a baby/toddler I'm thinking maybe 2 years old sitting in the cart saying loudly *batteries, batteries, I need batteries* Get batteries, where's the batteries*
We were at the spice section, I was looking for cinnamon and the dad was in front of it but he noticed me before I could say excuse me.
He said oh I'm sorry, I said no problem.
He told the mom to tell the kid to shut up. So she tells him to shut up he keeps talking about batteries....
Then the dad says *Will you shut the hell up* pretty loudly...
I understand the frustration that can happen having young kids in the store. I've been shopping with kids for over 15 years now.
I'm pretty positive that I've never said shut the hell up to my toddler.
Part of me wanted to say something in defense of the child but I just kept walking.
I saw them again in another aisle and the little boy wasn't yelling about batteries anymore.
It just made me stop and think to make sure I am aware of what I say to my kids.
I get frustrated, who doesn't?
It's important to be mindful of our words.
I encourage all of you to just stop and think about how you talk to your children.
Sometimes I say something and wish I hadn't and I apologize for sounding mean.
Being aware is the first step to changing.
Kids remember these things, I remember all sorts of crap that was said to me, it sticks with you.
It was a baby/toddler I'm thinking maybe 2 years old sitting in the cart saying loudly *batteries, batteries, I need batteries* Get batteries, where's the batteries*
We were at the spice section, I was looking for cinnamon and the dad was in front of it but he noticed me before I could say excuse me.
He said oh I'm sorry, I said no problem.
He told the mom to tell the kid to shut up. So she tells him to shut up he keeps talking about batteries....
Then the dad says *Will you shut the hell up* pretty loudly...
I understand the frustration that can happen having young kids in the store. I've been shopping with kids for over 15 years now.
I'm pretty positive that I've never said shut the hell up to my toddler.
Part of me wanted to say something in defense of the child but I just kept walking.
I saw them again in another aisle and the little boy wasn't yelling about batteries anymore.
It just made me stop and think to make sure I am aware of what I say to my kids.
I get frustrated, who doesn't?
It's important to be mindful of our words.
I encourage all of you to just stop and think about how you talk to your children.
Sometimes I say something and wish I hadn't and I apologize for sounding mean.
Being aware is the first step to changing.
Kids remember these things, I remember all sorts of crap that was said to me, it sticks with you.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Yes!
Ok!
Oil of Oregano Rocks!
My immune system is so much better! A couple years ago this virus would've kicked my ass for two weeks, instead two days!
My vitamin D levels must be improving! They were dangerously low 2 years ago and still low last July. That explains my long illnesses.
I was feeling like serious shit yesterday. I took 3 doses of Oil of Oregano 3 times for two days.
I'm feeling so much better!
I'm just tired and stuffed up, everything else is gone.
yeah we'll see what I feel like in the morning!
Just had a long talk with Cassie, all sorts of questions...
Spanning from, Easter, God, dinosaurs, Jesus, big bang, monkeys, Mary, immaculate conception, Joseph, the cross,Adam and Eve, what do you believe, how do we know what is real, faith...holy shit we covered a lot of ground!
I answered my best and talked about how glad I am that she has these questions and how I want her to form her own opinion and beliefs.
Cassie and I had an awesome conversation!
Life Rocks!
Keep it Real...
Jared is working on his gear for his BMX outfit...
Oil of Oregano Rocks!
My immune system is so much better! A couple years ago this virus would've kicked my ass for two weeks, instead two days!
My vitamin D levels must be improving! They were dangerously low 2 years ago and still low last July. That explains my long illnesses.
I was feeling like serious shit yesterday. I took 3 doses of Oil of Oregano 3 times for two days.
I'm feeling so much better!
I'm just tired and stuffed up, everything else is gone.
yeah we'll see what I feel like in the morning!
Just had a long talk with Cassie, all sorts of questions...
Spanning from, Easter, God, dinosaurs, Jesus, big bang, monkeys, Mary, immaculate conception, Joseph, the cross,Adam and Eve, what do you believe, how do we know what is real, faith...holy shit we covered a lot of ground!
I answered my best and talked about how glad I am that she has these questions and how I want her to form her own opinion and beliefs.
Cassie and I had an awesome conversation!
Life Rocks!
Keep it Real...
Jared is working on his gear for his BMX outfit...
Friday, January 14, 2011
Today
Well technically it's yesterday because it's after midnight. My day starts and ends when I sleep and wake and has little to do with the time or calendar...Oh the life I live :)
So I just had wine and a hot bath, I'm temporarily warm, it's 13 degrees out, nuff said.
School has been cancelled this week, I know that in states where it's usually cold and snowy they don't get out of school but here in middle TN they do.
My daughter went to her friend's house today and when I talked with the mom she said she hopes they go back to school tomorrow.
She said *I don't know how you do it* They eat all day etc... How do I do IT? I know them and I guarantee they are driving her crazy and she only has 2 kids.
She isn't the first person to say that to me in the last 15 years. I choose to do it, that is HOW I do IT!
So I've been away from this for awhile now because my kids needed me... Makes it hard to remember what the hell I was saying...
I choose to be with my kids, it's that simple. I want to be with my kids, I want to be here, they want to be here. School was never an option and still isn't, school doesn't exist in our lives.
I can't imagine being the parent who can't wait for school to start, it's sad and wrong and sad...
I had more but it will wait until next time.
So I just had wine and a hot bath, I'm temporarily warm, it's 13 degrees out, nuff said.
School has been cancelled this week, I know that in states where it's usually cold and snowy they don't get out of school but here in middle TN they do.
My daughter went to her friend's house today and when I talked with the mom she said she hopes they go back to school tomorrow.
She said *I don't know how you do it* They eat all day etc... How do I do IT? I know them and I guarantee they are driving her crazy and she only has 2 kids.
She isn't the first person to say that to me in the last 15 years. I choose to do it, that is HOW I do IT!
So I've been away from this for awhile now because my kids needed me... Makes it hard to remember what the hell I was saying...
I choose to be with my kids, it's that simple. I want to be with my kids, I want to be here, they want to be here. School was never an option and still isn't, school doesn't exist in our lives.
I can't imagine being the parent who can't wait for school to start, it's sad and wrong and sad...
I had more but it will wait until next time.
Monday, December 06, 2010
Spanking IS abuse!
So there has been child abuse awareness going on around facebook lately.
My friend posted a quote that I have seen and posted before and it sparked some comments :
"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline." ~Haim G. Ginott
In reality when an adult hits a child it is assault, it is abuse!
People justify hitting children in many ways but it is completely UNACCEPTABLE!
Do you realize the damage you are doing to that child?
Do not tell me it is fine to swat a toddler in a diaper. There is no justifiable reason to spank a toddler.
I love this one:
If a child hits another child, the parent teaches them that hitting is wrong by spanking them!
I would love to slap these parents and see how they like it!
Hitting, spanking, whipping, whopping, swatting, call it what you want, it IS abuse!
So yes I am calling all of those loving parents who spank their kids abusers.
Deal with it!
Step up, get help, seek alternatives.
Kids do not deserve to be hit by people who claim to love them.
Get real, be real, be honest, control yourself, stop the cycle!
Do not tell me you spank aka discipline your child out of love, you are delusional!
If you were spanked, you are damaged, it is not right, it is not good, it is not healthy.
Think about it, really reflect on your experience being humiliated and beaten...Do you want to do that to your children? Do you want them to beat your grandchildren?
Yes I use the word beat interchangeably, think about it!
God is not telling you to beat your kids, trust me!
Do not hit your kids, STOP hitting your kids!
Please, their mental, physical and emotional development depends on it.
Check out these links:
No spank
Non violent communication
Parenting in Jesus footsteps
The natural child project
Just please do NOT hit your kids anymore!
My friend posted a quote that I have seen and posted before and it sparked some comments :
"When a child hits a child, we call it aggression. When a child hits an adult, we call it hostility. When an adult hits an adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a child, we call it discipline." ~Haim G. Ginott
In reality when an adult hits a child it is assault, it is abuse!
People justify hitting children in many ways but it is completely UNACCEPTABLE!
Do you realize the damage you are doing to that child?
Do not tell me it is fine to swat a toddler in a diaper. There is no justifiable reason to spank a toddler.
I love this one:
If a child hits another child, the parent teaches them that hitting is wrong by spanking them!
I would love to slap these parents and see how they like it!
Hitting, spanking, whipping, whopping, swatting, call it what you want, it IS abuse!
So yes I am calling all of those loving parents who spank their kids abusers.
Deal with it!
Step up, get help, seek alternatives.
Kids do not deserve to be hit by people who claim to love them.
Get real, be real, be honest, control yourself, stop the cycle!
Do not tell me you spank aka discipline your child out of love, you are delusional!
If you were spanked, you are damaged, it is not right, it is not good, it is not healthy.
Think about it, really reflect on your experience being humiliated and beaten...Do you want to do that to your children? Do you want them to beat your grandchildren?
Yes I use the word beat interchangeably, think about it!
God is not telling you to beat your kids, trust me!
Do not hit your kids, STOP hitting your kids!
Please, their mental, physical and emotional development depends on it.
Check out these links:
No spank
Non violent communication
Parenting in Jesus footsteps
The natural child project
Just please do NOT hit your kids anymore!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Some people just don't get it
I'm not going to name names but sheesh! I guess the indoctrinated really don't know that they are indoctrinated.
The system sure works in that regard, it gets many to where they can't see learning or education without schooling.
To me school does not equal education. Schooling does more harm than good.
I am against compulsary schooling, the very nature of it's existence and it's purpose.
I realize I am in the minority, I have never been with the crowd. Always a non-conformist rebel.
It's how I roll.
Ask me anything, my answer may surprise you.
I don't apologize for being against school.
As a matter of fact, I think the world would be better off without it.
Things would be so different if parents actually raised their children and not the school system.
They would have to be resourceful and responsible
I had my kids on purpose, I don't believe that children are mistakes. I believe that people are irresponsible and having unprotected sex doesn't warrant you to be a parent.
Well that got off my original thought but it's how I feel.
The system sure works in that regard, it gets many to where they can't see learning or education without schooling.
To me school does not equal education. Schooling does more harm than good.
I am against compulsary schooling, the very nature of it's existence and it's purpose.
I realize I am in the minority, I have never been with the crowd. Always a non-conformist rebel.
It's how I roll.
Ask me anything, my answer may surprise you.
I don't apologize for being against school.
As a matter of fact, I think the world would be better off without it.
Things would be so different if parents actually raised their children and not the school system.
They would have to be resourceful and responsible
I had my kids on purpose, I don't believe that children are mistakes. I believe that people are irresponsible and having unprotected sex doesn't warrant you to be a parent.
Well that got off my original thought but it's how I feel.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I'm that mom
This post is inspired by Ronnie go to the link and see lots of entries in the comments :)
I've been trying to think about what makes me *that mom* I mean honestly I just do what I do for my kids because they are awesome people who deserve to be loved, respected and really listened to.
I honor their likes and dislikes, I cut the crust off the bread, I make them what they want to eat regardless if it's what I made for everyone else.
They play hockey in the living room and build forts and do experiments in the bathroom.
I'm that mom that inspires neighbor kids to want to spend all day at our house and ask me to adopt them.
I'm that mom that let's her kids BE kids. Play in the mud, play in the rain, play in the hose, get dirty and explore. Guess what kids are washable :)
I'm that mom that reads the same book over and over, that answers countless questions each day, that comes when called to:
Mom, come here.
Mom, look.
Mom, what is this?
I'm that mom who does her best to find a way to say yes, even if it's not now but let's figure out how we could do that.
I'm that mom that will play a game with her child even if she really didn't want to because it makes the kid happy and in turn it makes me feel good.
Today I was that mom who let her 8 yr old play with a plastic produce bag in Whole Foods. He had a blast playing with that bag, it kept him occupied the whole time :)
I'm that mom who wants her kids to be happy and free and does her best to make that possible.
I've been trying to think about what makes me *that mom* I mean honestly I just do what I do for my kids because they are awesome people who deserve to be loved, respected and really listened to.
I honor their likes and dislikes, I cut the crust off the bread, I make them what they want to eat regardless if it's what I made for everyone else.
They play hockey in the living room and build forts and do experiments in the bathroom.
I'm that mom that inspires neighbor kids to want to spend all day at our house and ask me to adopt them.
I'm that mom that let's her kids BE kids. Play in the mud, play in the rain, play in the hose, get dirty and explore. Guess what kids are washable :)
I'm that mom that reads the same book over and over, that answers countless questions each day, that comes when called to:
Mom, come here.
Mom, look.
Mom, what is this?
I'm that mom who does her best to find a way to say yes, even if it's not now but let's figure out how we could do that.
I'm that mom that will play a game with her child even if she really didn't want to because it makes the kid happy and in turn it makes me feel good.
Today I was that mom who let her 8 yr old play with a plastic produce bag in Whole Foods. He had a blast playing with that bag, it kept him occupied the whole time :)
I'm that mom who wants her kids to be happy and free and does her best to make that possible.
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