Memories That Seem Like Movies: Part 1

I stood out on a cliff overlooking the Adriatic Sea on a hot afternoon. A light breeze caressed against me as I became lost in thought. I didn't have any real friends on this trip and the real friends I had were back at home in the States. Sure, I was enjoying myself in Italy but I couldn't help but feel so alone. I pondered about what my friends were doing, how my family was doing, and if the girl I had been chasing after for months ever thought about me. Someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned and smiled half-heartedly. It was my high school Spanish teacher, Mrs. Hardy. "Want your picture taken here? It's perfect for a photo opportunity!" I thought for a second and replied, "Yeah, that would be great. I hardly have any pictures so far." I tried to put on a happy smile, though for some reason it was hard. I just graduated high school, I was in a foreign country that I've always wanted to go to. Why shouldn't I be happy? But I just couldn't escape the negative emotions that I was so accustomed to in high school.

Not my best picture.

I thought for sure I was going to get my ass kicked. It was a long day at work made longer by drama over a girl. All through my senior year of high school, I chased her. I believed her to be the girl of my dreams, but she had emotional baggage. More baggage I ever imagined. I called Jeff and RJ and told them I might be getting in a fight that I'll probably lose but will need back up in case it gets out of hand. They rushed to Cottonwood Hospital where I worked in dietary at the time. It took them less than 10 minutes to get there. I hoped to avoid the fight by quickly changing out of my work clothes and running to my car undetected. This guy was bigger than me and had an absolute hate for my existence. The outlook wasn't looking too good for me if it came down to a physical confrontation. I was in the locker room practically tearing off my clothes. I was ahead of the big oaf by a few minutes since I got off shift earlier. I got completely dressed and was about to exit when he walked in. He looked down at me, but didn't look mad. I froze in my tracks. I was helpless. Alone. If it came down to punches here, no one would know about it until it was too late. He spoke softly, "I don't want to fight you, man. You have to understand, I love that girl. She is the only thing keeping me sane. My life is all messed up right now. It just hurts to see some other guy go after her." I was shocked. Not at his obvious opening of emotion but that I wasn't getting pommeled right then. I knew I had to be careful with my next few words. He was notoriously unstable. One minute he was cool, another minute he was red hot angry. I was treading on thin ice. "I'm sorry. I really didn't know you two were dating. She never mentioned a thing. If I had known, I would have backed off. I don't go after taken girls." There was an awkward pause for a minute. He broke the silence, "My dad says you're a good guy and I know you are a good guy. Let's just move past this. I'm sorry I got so mad earlier. Are we cool?" He put out his hand. I shook it. "Yeah we are cool. I'm so sorry about this. You don't have to like me, but I hope we don't have to be enemies either. You don't have to worry about me interfering anymore. " I just realized he didn't come in to the locker room to beat my ass silly or to change his clothes. He came in to talk. "Thanks," he replied. He walked out of the locker room. I let out a big sigh of relief. I checked my phone only to find I had missed a lot of texts from Jeff, RJ and Ashley; the girl I had just dumped 3 days before. They were asking where I was and if I was alright. I smiled a little and walked out of the locker room to greet my friends in the parking lot to let them know I survived. Ashley met me in the hallway and inspected me to make sure I was undamaged. She hugged me for a second and said she feared the worst when everyone at work said they hadn't seen me in a while. Everything was going to be ok it seemed. I walked outside only to find that things were about to get significantly worse. Jeff and RJ were standing there in silence while an acquaintance who was more of Jeff's friend, antagonized the man who had intentions of kicking my ass earlier. I ran there and heard the last bits of conversation. "Why do you want to fight Johnny? What's your problem? Huh? What is your freaking deal, man?" Shit. Why is Ian here? He must have already been with Jeff when they came here. He is the last person I need here. "Shut the hell up, Ian! It's ok. Everything is ok." I was seconds away from kicking Ian's ass. He just made an already tense situation worse. The tall kid just went ballistic. "What is this?! I thought we were cool and now I see you have your friends here to jump me?! That's it, I'm calling my Tongan friends here and we are going to settle this." He ran to his car and pulled a golf club from his trunk. I told everyone to run to their cars. We weren't staying to fight. Ashley came with me to get a ride home, everyone else went to my house to meet me there later. This is the last thing I needed. I just graduated high school the day before, and I'm heading to California tonight and then Italy next week. This is not a good way to start off my adult life.

There is no exaggerations here. I remember these events well, conversations included. I remember June and July of 2005 as if they happened yesterday. Yet they don't feel like my memories. They seem so unreal. I can't help but feel like they never happened to me but to someone else. It's hard for me to believe that was the present time to me. I lived those moments. Now they are distant memories, never to be repeated again. The moment was there and now it's gone forever. There is no rewind button for moments like that. No reliving those situations to make them better or to experience them again like your favorite movie on DVD. It's now a situation that's apart of me that I had to learn from the hard way. It's a memory for reflection like a scrapbook. I was young, reckless and full of misguided and poorly controlled emotions. I can't help but think of the future when I reflect on today's present. Will I look back at this moment in my life and frown because it was too boring? Or will I look back with fondness and realize it was time well spent?