The World Is Laughing At Donald Trump -- Again!

(Photo of Finland's President Sauli Niinisto and Donald Trump, from Politico.com, is by Chip Somodevilla/Getty images.)

Once again, Donald Trump showed he is either the most ignorant world leader or he just makes things up to make himself look good -- perhaps both. While it is becoming obvious to most people that global warming is causing more disasters, Trump is still in denial.

He exhibited this when he announced that the cause of the devastating fires in California were caused by a failure to rake the leaves and small brush from the forest floor. He even went so far as to say that Finland's President Sauli Niinisto told him that there are fewer fires in Finland because they rake their forests.

"I was with the president of Finland, and he said, ‘We have a much different — we’re a forest nation.’ He called it a forest nation. And they spent a lot of time on raking and cleaning and doing things, and they don’t have any problem. And when it is, it’s a very small problem."

Of course, that was a lie. The Finnish president was quick to point out that he did not say that to Trump. He simply said that Finland has a good monitoring system and network. That's something the U.S. also has (although it has been made more difficult by Trump cuts to the budget).

The idea of raking millions of acres for Forest is a ridiculous idea, and the people of Finland know that. They have taken to Twitter and social media to laugh at Trump silly idea. Here's a sample of the Finnish people have fun at Trump's expense:

"Emperor" Obama Renames Highest Mountain In U.S.

President Obama has changed the name of America's highest peak -- from Mt. McKinley to Denali (the original name given the mountain by Native Americans). Some people like this, and some don't (especially Ohio Republicans). But the funniest piece I have read about this comes from Evan Hurst at Wonkette's blog. He has written a hilarious post, and I urge you to read the whole thing. Here is a part of it:

Emperor Obama has issued another fatwa, and this time it is about how it’s no longer okay for North America’s highest peak, which is located right in the middle of Ohio in Alaska, to be named after President William McKinley, but rather, it should be given a funny foreign Alaskan name, “Denali.” This is obvious government overreach, as all mountains got their names directly from Jesus, when they were formed, and He wanted this one to be named after a U.S. president. You have questions, we have answers.

Why is the tyrant president doing this???

Okay, so fun fact. The mountain was named “Mt. McKinley” in 1896 by a prospector, and the U.S. American government officially recognized the name in 1917. But, studies show that the mountain actually existed before 1896! And native Alaskans (the real kind, not the Palin kind) had called it Denali for YEARS, long before they were forced to call it some white guy’s name. In fact, they used that name both for the 20,237-foot summit of the mountain (according to Alaska the 20,320 number is wrong), and also for the mountain’s slightly shorter BFF, which is currently called Mt. Foraker. Alaska formally removed the white American president’s name from the mountain in 1975, but the federal government (read: FUCKING CONGRESS) wouldn’t change it, because they didn’t want to make Ohio cry.

Who mad about it?

Ohio Republicans. Yes, you see, McKinley was from Ohio (and so was Sen. “Foraker,” so COMIN’ FOR YOU NEXT, probably), and, though most Ohioans will never visit Alaska, and many couldn’t pick it out on a map, it apparently is very important to them for this one mountain to be named after a president. They could, of course, name something in Ohio after McKinley — like maybe that giant Touchdown Jesus statue they have — but boo hoo and waaaaaaaah, that’s not good enough. They have to have their special mountain in Alaska, just like every other state doesn’t have.

. . .

This is probably just the beginning, isn’t it?

Almost certainly. Obama thinks all our Americas are belong to him, so we can expect many other beloved landmarks and red states to get new names before the president leaves office (IF HE EVEN LEAVES).

Possible ideas: the Rockies could be renamed “William Ayers Is My Boyfriend In A Gay Way,” the Appalachians could be renamed “Socialism Is My Favorite, Also In A Gay Way,” and Texas will, of course be renamed “ISIS,” like that wasn’t already happening anyway, duh.

Public Thinks Media Should Be Able To Satirize Religion

It's been kind of disappointing since the murder of the Charlie Hebdo satirical cartoonists. One poll shows that 75% of the American public thinks muslim religious leaders don't do enough to emphasize peace, 52% believe islam encourages violence more than other religions, and 64% think there is a global conflict between Western Civilization and islam.

I don't think any of those things are true, and they just represent the bigotry a lot of Americans have toward muslims. It is true that there are some violent muslim extremists, but there are also violent christian extremists (and I'm sure that is true also of other religions). Some people just take their religion too seriously, and are far too willing to try to force their religion on others.

But there is a new poll that gives me a little bit of hope for this country. It is the YouGov Poll -- done between January 7th and 9th of a random national sample of 1,000 adults (with a margin of error of about 4 points. The results are represented in the chart above.

It seems that most Americans do value their democracy, because they think free speech is more important than requiring the media to be respectful of religion. They support the right of the media to make fun of religion through satire -- and this is true of both sexes, all age groups, all races, and all political persuasions.

As a lover of free speech, I like that. I just hope Americans were also thinking of their own religion (and not just muslims) when they answered this question.

Brzezinski Is Wrong - Satire Is Vital For A Democracy

I have often disagreed with Zbigniew Brzezinski (pictured), even though he served in a Democratic administration. But I have to say, his latest remarks (made on the MSNBC show Morning Joe) are not just conservative -- they are anti-democratic. Here is what he said:

"We have to take a look more closely at the nature of the so-called satire."


"I've not seen what I'm about to say, but I've been told by some people that some of the cartoons were absolutely appalling and directed at the prophet himself. Now, is that really humor or is that an insult designed to provoke?"


Brzezinski could not be more wrong. Satire is not just humor, but is intended to provoke people into thinking -- and even though it is often necessarily insulting and offensive, it is a vital component of free speech.

The men who wrote our Constitution understood the necessity of guaranteeing free speech to all Americans. They understood that no democracy could survive without the free flow of ideas, and that free flow of ideas could not happen without the guarantee of free speech. The First Amendment guarantee of free speech was not written to protect inoffensive speech. Inoffensive speech needs no protection. It was included to protect speech that some (or even many) might think is offensive (or insulting).

If you do not protect and allow offensive speech, then you do not have free speech. And if you don't truly have free speech, then you don't have a democracy. Instead, you have some kind of controlled oligarchy (or police state) where only government-approved speech is allowed.

Brzezinski has fallen into an old trap -- that we must limit speech so we can be safe. But that only trades our democracy for a false sense of safety and security. There are also violence and terrorist acts in countries that limit speech (even giant countries like China). Limiting speech does not insure safety -- it just kills democracy.

Satire is always offensive to some and insulting to many, but it makes people think -- and thinking is a very valuable commodity in any democracy.

Bill Maher On Why We Can't "Fix" Iraq

The following rant from Bill Maher (from his HBO show) is humorous, but there is also a lot of truth in it. Enjoy.

Now that Iraq is falling apart again, someone needs to drill it into the American psyche that broken nations are a lot like broken people — you can't fix them.  Look at Afghanistan and the lawless tribal areas of Pakistan.  Look at Denise Richards and the lawless tribal areas of Charlie Sheen. 

Lately, there's been so many calls for American intervention in Syria, Ukraine, north Africa, now Iraq again.  Maybe America is the one that needs an intervention.  Maybe America needs Dr. Phil to come by and ask us, "How's that nation building workin' for ya?"

Now I know we're Americans, which means that when this nation was founded by Jesus, he made us exceptional.  But we're not miracle workers.  We have to realize that some nations — much like Nick Nolte's pants — are never going to change.  Some of them aren't even nations, they're just tribes that we threw together like reality show contestants on a sex boat.  And when Presidents of both parties have dealt with them over the decades and got bad results, we always blame the President.  But maybe it's not the President, maybe it's the place.

It's like how, you know sometimes there's one place on a street where every business that goes in there fails?  You drive by, it's a Quiznos.  You drive by again, it's a nail salon.  Drive by again, it's a pawn shop.  It's not failing because it hates freedom, it's just a shitty location.  

I'm sorry, Iraq!  Not to be mean, but you're a shitty location.  Which is why it's so frustrating to now hear "if only we had stayed".  This is the delusion that launched the war in the first place.  Remember the plan?  We were going to go into Iraq, we'd be greeted as liberators, then we'd install an American-style democracy that we'd then use as a model for the rest of the Middle East to become democratic.  Then after lunch....  

Don Rumsfeld once said we could fix Iraq in six months.  "Fix" Iraq.  America's like one of those women who always think she can "fix" the bad boy.  And Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, Pakistan, Somalia, these are all the bad boys we couldn't resist trying to fix.

We think, "You know, if they just got to know us, I know they'd straighten out.  If I just spend time with him, he'll see how happy he is, and he won't want to drink and chase whores anymore!"  "I'm going to smother him with love, that's what I'm gonna do!  And then he'll realize what he really wants — to be a secular democracy."

I mean, sure, bad boys are exciting — the hot sex, the rug burns, the missing money from your checking account.  What girl could resist that?

I mean, we've all seen how even big stars, beautiful, rich, successful women, women who could have anybody, chose to get with dirtbags!

Why?  Because it's human nature to think you can change human nature. Remember in that movie As Good As It Gets when lifelong asshole Jack Nicholson tells Helen Hunt, "You make me want to be a better man"?  Yeah, that happens never.  Just like President Maliki isn't going to call Obama tomorrow and say, "You make us want to be a better country."

(The caricature of Bill Maher above is by DonkeyHotey.)

A Humorous (?) Petition

(The image above is from the right-wing website thecommonsenseshow.com.)

The White House has a website (petitions.whitehouse.gov) where any citizen can create a petition, and if that petition gets 100,000 signatures, the White House has promised to respond to the petition. It is an effort by the Obama administration to give citizens a voice in their government, and allow the White House to know what citizens think is important.

In the last few days a new petition has appeared on the website. It is a petition asking that Alaskans be allowed to vote on whether to secede from the United States and rejoin Russia. I don't know whether this petition is an inventive demonstration against Russia's seizure of Crimea, a misguided teabagger effort to embarrass the president, or just an example of an eccentric and slightly malevolent sense of humor. I suspect it is the latter.

And thousands of people are signing the petition. As I write this post, over 24,000 people have signed the petition. I assume that many Americans like this kind of off-the-wall humor, because Alaska (like the other 49 states) isn't going anywhere.

Social Commentary From A Great Comedian

Comedian Bill Hicks passed away a couple of decades ago at a very early age, but his words live on. And like Molly Ivins, George Carlin, and Lenny Bruce, his humor doubled as social commentary. He didn't just make people laugh -- he made them think. Here are some of his immortal words (the way he usually closed his act):

Is there a point to my act? I would say there is. I have to.

The world is like a ride, in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down, and round and round. It has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud and it's fun. For a while.

Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?"

And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry. Don't be afraid, ever. Because this is just a ride."

And we . . . kill those people. Ha-ha!

"Shut him up! We have a lot invested in this ride! Shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry. Look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real."

It's just a ride. But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And we let the demons run amok.

But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort. No worry. No job. No savings and money.

[It's] a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, into a better ride: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defense each year and, instead, spend it feeding, clothing, and educating the poor of the world - which it would do many times over, not one human being excluded. And we can explore space together, both inner and outer, forever. In peace.

Will Rogers

My generation had Molly Ivins and George Carlin to give us political humor, and that humor was always right on target -- afflicting the comfortable and comforting the afflicted. But they were just following in the footsteps of the great Will Rogers. Rogers could deliver the the pithiest of comments with a good-natured smile, and always had people smiling while nodding their heads in agreement.

No Women

(The image above is from the website kidzworld.com.)

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Republican lawmakers in the Texas State Senate are proposing a precedent-setting new bill that would make it illegal for women to live in the state.

Senator Harland Dorrinson, one of the many pro-life lawmakers backing the woman ban, crafted his bill after witnessing Senator Wendy Davis filibuster an anti-abortion bill last month.

“That was our moment to say, ‘Enough is enough,’ ” he said. “This comes down to a choice between life and women, and we choose life.”

Senator Dorrinson said his bill would call for a twenty-foot woman-proof fence to be constructed along the borders of the state.

“Women are great at talking, but not at climbing,” he observed.

But another G.O.P. state senator, Cal Jamson, believes that the total ban on women goes “too far” and is proposing a less draconian bill that would allow some women to remain in the state as guest workers.

“Texas needs women to cook, clean, and cheerlead,” he said. “If they show that they can do those things and stay out of politics, there could be a pathway to citizenship.”

The above post is, of course, just some satirical political humor from the great Andy Borowitz at The Borowitz Report. But like all humor, it is funny only because there is more than a grain of truth in it. Texas Republican leaders have been waging a war on women. They claim it is biblical, and they are just trying to protect women, but you don't protect someone by taking away their rights. I am really starting to believe that this is nothing more than a defense of patriarchy, and if it wasn't for cooking, cleaning, cheerleading, and an occasional sexual encounter (missionary-style only), then Republicans would have no use for women at all.

Obama's Humor At Correspondent's Dinner

Whatever they might think of his politics (or his accomplishments and failures), I think most Americans know that President Obama is a decent man with a very good sense of humor. This is shown in the photo above, where during a visit to the University of Texas he slips his foot on the scales while a cohort was trying to weigh himself. The president is also not afraid to use that humor to poke fun at himself, and that has made him very popular at the annual White House Correspondent's Dinner. Here are some of Obama's jokes from this year's Correspondent's Dinner:

How do you like my new entrance music?  (Applause.)  Rush Limbaugh warned you about this — second term, baby.  (Laughter and applause.)  We’re changing things around here a little bit.  (Laughter.)

Actually, my advisors were a little worried about the new rap entrance music.  (Laughter.)  They are a little more traditional.  They suggested that I should start with some jokes at my own expense, just take myself down a peg.  I was like, guys, after four and a half years, how many pegs are there left?  (Laughter.)

Now, look, I get it.  These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.  (Laughter.)  Time passes.  You get a little gray.  (Laughter.)

And yet, even after all this time, I still make rookie mistakes.  Like, I’m out in California, we’re at a fundraiser, we’re having a nice time.  I happen to mention that Kamala Harris is the best-looking attorney general in the country.  (Laughter.)  As you might imagine, I got trouble when I got back home.  (Laughter.)  Who knew Eric Holder was so sensitive?  (Laughter and applause.)

And then there’s the Easter Egg Roll, which is supposed to be just a nice, fun event with the kids.  I go out on the basketball court, took 22 shots — made two of them.  (Laughter.)  That’s right:  two hits, 20 misses.  The executives at NBC asked, “What’s your secret?”  (Laughter and applause.)

I want to give a shout-out to our headliner, Conan O’Brien.  (Applause.)  I was just talking to Ed, and I understand that when the Correspondents’ Association was considering Conan for this gig, they were faced with that age-old dilemma:  Do you offer it to him now, or wait for five years and then give it to Jimmy Fallon?  (Laughter.)  That was a little harsh.  (Laughter.)  I love Conan.

And of course, the White House press corps is here.  I know CNN has taken some knocks lately, but the fact is I admire their commitment to cover all sides of a story, just in case one of them happens to be accurate.  (Laughter and applause.)

The History Channel is not here.  I guess they were embarrassed about the whole Obama-is-a-devil thing.  (Laughter.)  Of course, that never kept Fox News from showing up.  (Laughter.)  They actually thought the comparison was not fair — to Satan.  (Laughter and applause.)

But the problem is, is that the media landscape is changing so rapidly.  You can’t keep up with it.  I mean, I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2:00 a.m.  (Laughter.)  It’s true.  (Laughter.)

There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs.  Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads?  You’ve got to really dislike me — (laughter) — to spend that kind of money.  I mean, that’s Oprah money.  (Laughter.)  You could buy an island and call it “Nobama” for that kind of money.  (Laughter.)  Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race.  (Laughter and applause.)  I probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I’d have thought about it.  (Laughter.)  Michelle would have taken it.  (Laughter.)  You think I’m joking?  (Laughter.)

I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities.  And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with.  (Laughter.)  Hello?  Think of me as a trial run, you know?  (Laughter.)  See how it goes.  (Laughter.)

If they won’t come to me, I will come to them.  Recently, I had dinner — it’s been well publicized — I had dinner with a number of the Republican senators.  And I’ll admit it wasn’t easy.  I proposed a toast — it died in committee.  (Laughter.)

I am not giving up.  In fact, I’m taking my charm offensive on the road — a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.  (Laughter and applause.)

My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what’s going on in Congress — it turns out, absolutely nothing.  (Laughter.)  But the point of my charm offensive is simple:  We need to make progress on some important issues.  Take the sequester.  Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can’t stop talking about how much they hate it.  It’s like we’re trapped in a Taylor Swift album.  (Laughter.)

I’m also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library.  And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I’d rather keep it in the United States.  (Laughter.)  Did anybody not see that joke coming?  (Laughter.)  Show of hands.  Only Gallup?  Maybe Dick Morris?  (Laughter and applause.)

How To Irritate Your Favorite Republican

(The elephant image above is from the website called Breadwig.com.)

The good folks over at Addicting Info have performed a public service for us liberals who are surrounded by right-wing, boastful, ignorant Republicans. Stephen D. Foster, Jr. has compiled a list of 100 things you can say to irritate a Republican. And the best part about that list is that all of them are true. After all, there's nothing a Republican, especially one of the teabagger variety, hates more than hearing the truth. Here are the first twenty statements. If you want to see the other eighty, go on over to Addicting Info.

1. A Socialist wrote the Pledge of Allegiance.
2. Jesus healed the sick and helped the poor, for free.
3. Joseph McCarthy was an un-American, witch hunting sissy.
4. Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee were traitors.
5. The South lost the Civil War, get over it.
6. The Founding Fathers were liberals.
7. Fascism is a right-wing trait.
8. Sarah Palin is an idiot.
9. The Earth is round.
10. Reagan raised taxes eleven times as President.
11. Reagan legalized abortion as Governor of California.
12. Nixon created the Environmental Protection Agency.
13. Ronald Reagan supported gun control.
14. Global warming is real.
15. Republicans hate illegal immigrants, unless they need their lawns mowed or their houses cleaned.
16. The military is a government-run institution, so why do Republicans approve the defense budget?
17. The Cold War is over and the Soviet Union no longer exists.
18. Paying taxes is patriotic.
19. Republicans: Peddling the same failed economic policies since 1880.
20. The Republican Party began as a liberal party.

The Apology Akin Should Have Made

By now you've probably heard that Rep. Todd Akin (R-Missouri) has made an apology for disprespecting women who have been raped. Well, it was sort of a non-apology apology -- the kind Republicans are famous for making. What he actually said was the he had "mis-spoke", but what he meant was that he should have known better than to tell the truth in an election year.

But The Onion, America's premiere humor and satire site, has their own version of the Akin apology -- and personally, I think it's the one he should have made. Here is part of the Onion version (and I urge you to read the whole thing -- it's hilarious):

As a politician, I often find myself in situations where, unfortunately, I express a certain thought or idea poorly, or find my words taken out of context. Indeed, that is what happened this weekend. Upon reviewing the impromptu remarks I made Sunday afternoon, I can now see that I used the wrong words in the wrong way. I would now like to set the record straight with the American people and clear up some confusion about what it was I intended to convey.

You see, what I said was, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” But what I meant to say was, “I am a worthless, moronic sack of shit and an utterly irredeemable human being who needs to shut up and go away forever.”

It is clear to me now that I did not choose my words with care and did not get across the point I was trying to convey. In hindsight, I guess instead of using the words “legitimate rape,” I should have used the words “I am an unforgivable, unrepentant, and unconscionable subhuman dickhead.” Or better yet, “I am an evil, fucked-up man who should never have been elected to the United States Congress, and anyone who would vote for me is probably a pretty big fucking dumbshit, too.” See how much more sense that makes? It’s amazing how a few key word changes can totally alter the meaning of a statement.