Phase 2 - Day 1 & 2

Ummm, I'm sort of lost.

I'm not even sure what I'm posting about anymore.

My last two days have been chaotic and messy.

I think I still need to log my food. I feel like I'm all willy-nilly about what I'm eating after this weekend *off*.

Saying that I'm going to start focusing on poor habits seems to have brought them to the surface in full force. Sigh.

Habit #1  Develop healthy and nourishing sleep patterns

I haven't been working as hard on this as I ought. I've been getting to bed early but not going to sleep at a consistent time.  I've also been feeling so unbelievably tired all day long the last two days. I do feel as though I'm recovering from something. I could likely give a list of things but, honestly, I'm pretty sure it's just life. 

Habit #2  Develop healthy and nourishing ways to deal with stress

THIS is my huge downfall.  These last two days I've battled incredible stress and frustrations. My constant battle when this is going on, especially relationship stress, is to grab some kind of junk food. I've been able to stay away from that, mostly, but...I've taken to having little fits by raising my voice, emotional drama, and just hiding away in my room. Sigh. Nothing healthy or nourishing about any of that.

Habit #3 Set aside laziness

This seems to be connected to #1 and #2.  When I'm tired and stressed I want to ignore my work and my responsibilities.  I want someone else to do it all for me. I want to get away from the stressors.  That more than not means that I step away from those duties that would actually help me deal with the stress correctly.  I zone out instead of pray and read.  I push off my work to another who isn't going to do it well.  I look for *easy* when it comes to food and then feel guilty and angry for making that choice.

So, there I am.  I guess I'm working on those habits. But, honestly, I need to see how they are connected and work on one for now.  And, the one that doesn't seem so scary is the sleep habit.  I'm choosing a 10pm (latest) and a 6:30am wake time (latest, unless I'm up with baby in the night) and just focus on that directly. 

I know I need to have these other things in check, but I'm not sure how much this tired brain of mine can handle at this point.  The Lord is gentle with mothers that have young. I'm choosing to be gentle with myself.

And as for what I'm eating, well, it's not much to talk about.  The last two days I've done good with breakfast and lunch. But, I get to dinner and seem to struggle. It's not awful, but it could be a lot better.  And, I've taken to allowing a little creamer in my coffee again.  A little sugar in my trail mix. These are the slow, sneaky habits that kept me from losing weight all last year. WHY would I want to go back to that? Especially when I'm focusing so hard on breaking bad habits? I spent the last 6 weeks breaking free from those poor choices.  I know it's because I feel like I deserve a reward or something for my hard work. But, truly, I need to stop looking to food as my reward. Argh.

So, rebooting myself with tea in place of coffee on a daily basis.  No more convenience store junk. Back to being excited about what I put in my mouth and what I see on the scale.  I hope and pray.