00'S ACTION FIGURE CORNER: ME (LIMITED EDITION OF 1)

Today we lay to rest the '80's/00's Action Figure Corner' series with a post on what is without a doubt the awesomest action figure ever made: ME.



Another brilliant creation from Ethanomicon over at Winsbyfilms, the "Velocidactyl" (speed-finger) figure is the crown jewel in a sizeable collection of curios, mystical talismans, and strange artifacts I have collected in the course of my 30 years on this planet. Packaged with a severed head, a can of Dino-Beer, a sawed-off shotgun, and a "Cretaur" (amazing attention to detail on that one), this is the first installment in what I'm sure will eventually become a full line of Cretaceous toys. Also, take note of the Dino Power Shred Glove on my right hand. I've actually commissioned Winsbyfilms to create a life-size reproduction of said Glove for live shows. It increases picking speed and endurance tenfold.
This has got to be the highest honor ever bestowed upon me, in a life chock-full of honor bestowage. Ethanomicon really went above and beyond the call of duty on this one, and for that, I am eternally grateful. What a Bro.

But alas, there are three distinct bummers about the Velocidactyl Action Figure:

1) Manslaughter sat on it in Chuffy's truck after a show once, bending it and damaging the packaging. I have since forgiven her for this seemingly unforgivable trangression.
2) The severed head came loose from the packaging, and is now bouncing around between my (the action figure's) feet. Which sucks, because you can't see it in the picture and it's REALLY COOL.
3) Ethanomicon toned down my musculature quite considerably in my action figure version. In real life, I'm way more blasted than that.


From the back of the package: "The story of the most brutal metal band of all time - Born after mistakenly opening a portal in time to that of the dinosaurs, destroying the space-time fabric - Hurling them 23,000,000 years into the past - Fusing them with the dinosaurs, giving them amazing powers & instruments beyond belief. They are CRETACEOUS - With the power to travel back to the ancient world & the ability to change into these creatures - Obliterating all in their path... Bow to them or die!

00'S ACTION FIGURE CORNER: STEVE DOG (LIMITED EDITION OF 1)

So here it is, the fabled "trip to the future" I've been promising on 'Action Figure Corner' for two weeks. Produced in 2008, the Limited Edition Steve Dog Action Figure was hand crafted by (literally) onetime Illogical Contraption Contributing Writer Ethanomicon, proprietor of Winsbyfilms International, custom toy builder extraordinaire, and Bro of the Highest Order. From his well-stocked studio at the end of the hall in my girlfriend's house, Ethan turns out masterpiece after masterpiece such as this one, for both his burgeoning action-figure-based film company and also for the amusement of his Bros. I can tell you first hand: BIG things are in the works over there at Winsbyfilms, things which will hopefully be premiering on this very blog REALLY soon...
For those of you unfamiliar with the Illogical Contraption Universe, Steve "Steve Dog" Dog (aka Cory, aka Chaki) is the vocalist for the awesome Party Rock band Dalton, which I myself play guitar in. The action figure is realistically packaged with a microphone, a "76"-style American flag, a pair of aviator sunglasses, and a bag of "booger sugar", complete with razor and rolled-up dollar bill (pure imagination on the part of the artist, I assure you), all meticulously crafted by the Bro himself.
So remember, readers: As Winsbyfilms and Ethanomicon rocket to international acclaim, Illogical Contraption was there in the beginning, nurturing his craft like a mother humpback nursing its baby. Winsbyfilms is going to be HUGE. You read it here FIRST.

PS: More creations from Winsbyfilms International coming next week.


In case you can't make it out, the back of the box reads thusly: "Relive your favorite Dalton moments with your Steve Dog action figure! The frontman for America's most amazing rock band of all time! Prepare to be rocked to the very core of your soul and all the parts in between! Long live rock and roll and God bless America with official Dalton action figures!"


Special thanks to Sweet Baby Jay for snapping the sweet photos on this one. YOU RULE.

Monsterlab

By Ethanomicon

Hey there everyone, your action figure expert here Ethanomicon, my first post, but boy is it sweet. O.K. here goes.....guess what the best toy ever created is? No, it has nothing to do with He-Man or even Transformers. This little Gem is from a toy named Mad Scientist Monster Lab! it was made by Mattel in about 1986 and it was thee greatest toy "Everrr!" (in evil creature voice)



That's right, now you remember, it was on the top shelf at Toys R Us calling your name every time you saw it. But your parents didn't buy it for you because they were hippies or just plain mean, or both. Some were lucky enough to have this, not me of course. With that being said, basically the object of the toy is to build a monster skeleton, add monster flesh and the fry the flesh off the monsters bones. Um that is very cool, yes?



Yes sir this was so cool, yet I never was able to enjoy this awesome thing as a youth but after much research I found one on E-bay and now I own an unopened Monster Lab and it rules. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of the actual process of this toy. What I do have is a fucking movie of this awesomeness. "You are welcome!" (in monster voice again). Yes witness the 1st Winsbyfilms production courtesy of Ethan Winsby and Illogical Contraption.




Editor's Note: Keep on the lookout for upcoming Winsbyfilms Productions, premiering exclusively on Illogical Contraption. Brutal!