APOCRYPHON/FABRICANT SPLIT EP NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER VIA HORROR PAIN GORE DEATH PRODUCTIONS

via HPGD Productions:

"Making their HPGD debut are two of the Bay Area's most promising new death metal bands, joining forces for a 5-song EP of jarring, psychedelic, grinding dissonance culled from the very darkest bowels of the human psyche!

Apocryphon hails from both San Francisco and the Oakland area, and have established themselves as one of the most sought-after metal acts in the area since the release of their 6-song, self-titled demo in 2011. Incorporating electronic noise, strange samples, insane drumming, and angular riffs into their overall sound, Apocryphon has quickly gained a reputation as both brutal and bizarre. The two songs present on this EP were some of the last to be completed by legendary engineer Jeff "Leppard" Davis before his untimely death in June of 2012, and stand as a testament to both his talent and integrity. For fans of: early Cryptopsy, Death, and ayahuasca vision-quests.

Fabricant hails from the sleepy town of Lafayette, California, and display a flair for all things weird, technical, and ugly. Light-speed blastbeats, odd time signatures, and off-the-wall chord structures are all hallmarks of this young and hungry band, whose innovative 4-song, 2010 demo became a quick favorite in forward-thinking death metal circles. Still at the precipice of great and terrible things, Fabricant remain an unpredictable force to be reckoned with in the Bay Area metal scene, and promise unmatched imagination and brutality in the years to come. For fans of: Demilich, late-era Gorguts, and all manner of gruesome, dissonant deathgrind."

Track listing:

1) Apocryphon: "Cydonian Enigmas/Berzerker"
2) Fabricant: "Impotent Creed"
3) Fabricant: "Terror Gland"
4) Fabricant: "Craving"

OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE FOR THIS RECORDING IS 3/19/13, BUT YOU CLOWNS CAN ORDER IT NOW, RIGHT HERE ($8, FREE SHIPPING!):

BOOM.


U GONNA GET EAR-RAEPED


Sample the brutality here:





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ATTENTION ALL C.H.U.D.S

Illogical Contraption Radio has a new home, Sundays 6-8pm PST on Radio Valencia! This means we’ll be broadcasting LIVE on TERRESTRIAL radio (87.9 FM in San Francisco), as well as streaming live and podcasting! Archives will now be kept on our Radio Valencia page in ADDITION to here on IllCon Classic, but fear not, if you’re already subscribed via iTunes, that feed will remain active as well. We have tons of crazy guests and new features lined up, so prepare to have your face melted!

ALSO: BIG APOCRYPHON NEWS COMING SOON, AS WELL AS UPDATES REGARDING THE FUTURE OF "ILLCON CLASSIC"...

Stay tuned.

 

 

APOCRYPHON SPRING DATES 2013

- THURSDAY, MARCH 21ST, @ DNA LOUNGE, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ LANDMINE MARATHON
MAN AMONG WOLVES
AT OUR HEELS

- FRIDAY, MARCH 29TH, @ ON THE Y, SACRAMENTO
W/ FACINOROUS
FIENDS AT FEAST
EMBODIED TORMENT
FALL OF MAN

- SATURDAY, MARCH 30TH @ JOHNNY V'S, SAN JOSE
W/ CYANIC
FIENDS AT FEAST
+1 MORE TBA

- FRIDAY, APRIL 12TH @ HEMLOCK, SAN FRANCISCO
W/ HAZZARD'S CURE
NECROT

- FRIDAY, APRIL 26TH-SATURDAY, APRIL 27TH: "FESTUM CARNIS", SODA SPRINGS, CA
W/ ABSU (!!!)
GRAVEHILL/WITCHAVEN/NOCTURNAL FEAR
NUCLEAR DESECRATION/VALDUR/HELLHUNTER
BADR VOGU/MINENWERFER/ROTTEN FUNERAL
NIGHT NURSE/BLACK FUCKING CANCER/HUMAN FILTH
VILE MASS/CYANIC/BLASPHEMOUS CREATION
TEMPLE OF DAGON/MALEFICUS/HELLBOMBER
HEMOTOXIN/XENOTAPH/DEMON SEED
VALLEY OF THORNS/ARCHEA/ More TBA...

- THURSDAY, MAY 2ND @ THE SHANTY, EUREKA, CA
W/ BANDS TBA

- FRIDAY, MAY 3RD IN SEATTLE, WA
VENUE AND BANDS TBA

- SATURDAY, MAY 4TH @ ASH STREET SALOON, PORTLAND, OR
W/ BANDS TBA

Split album (+ vinyl!) and new shirts on the way soon! Catch updates via Apocryphon's Facebook page...

PS: ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION IS NOT DEAD. Complete re-design and re-launch coming in the very near future! Any and all brogrammers, artists, writers, or other assorted freaks looking to toil under the IllCon banner for little or no reward (especially brogrammers) write to Cobras at illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com. ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU OBEY ME AND I WILL BE YOUR SLAVE.

BIG NEWS

Right: Me, being excited.

That's right, gang. The image you see above is not just a clever Photoshop creation--Illogical Contraption "Death To False Radio" T-shirts are NOW AVAILABLE (for only $12, plus shipping!) via our good pals over at Hide The Bodies Press (go "like" them on Facebook while you're at it). I think we can all agree that this is a pretty fucking sick design, so save up your fuckin' paper-route money, then head over HERE to buy one. HUGE thanks to Paul and the gang at HTB for making this happen, we will soon grow incredibly wealthy off the hard-earned cash of these idiotic rubes our dear readers and hopefully leave our "internet" jobs forever. God willing.

IN OTHER NEWS: APOCRYPHON MINI-TOUR COMING UP AT THE END OF THE MONTH!

THURSDAY, NOV 29 @ THE COLONY, SACRAMENTO, CA with:

KILLGASM
CHRONAEXUS
EMBODIED TORMENT

FRIDAY, NOV 30 @ SPIKE'S BAR, ROSEMEAD, CA with:

NIHILITUS
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
INSENTIENT

SATURDAY, DEC 1 @ TIL TWO BAR, SAN DIEGO, CA with:

GHOULGOTHA
DRACONIS
EXHAUSTED PRAYER
ONEIROGEN

SUNDAY, DEC 2 @ MERCHANT'S SALOON, OAKLAND, CA with:

SCORCHED-EARTH
BURNING MONK


IN OTHER NEWS: IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS...

That's right, bitches! IllCon Radio is back, 10pm-midnight, with a special appearance by everyone's favorite sex-rapper, BLOWFLY! Shit is bound to get weird, as we talk dead Burners, half-speed Rings of Saturn, breakfast food, and explore the personal vendetta between myself and host/ungrateful butthole CORY. You know where to go.

And hey, give us a call, live on the air. 415-829-2980.

COBRAS COMMANDS IT!

PS Happy Birthday, Carl.

TO ALL MY FRIENDSHIP BUDDIES:

Wow. Sure has been awhile, eh guys?
My bad. Anyhow, Ol' Uncle Cobras is back, with lots of updates and exciting news for the IllCon Universe. I hope you guys can forgive me for my long absence, I've been super busy Gangnam-styling, watching Iggy Azalea videos, jerking off to presidential debates, rocking out to Slayer with my cat, and taking part in all sorts of illicit, undisclosed activities which are best not discussed here. Add a shitty update to the Blogger template system and multiple suspensions of my vast and untraceable Mediafire accounts, and you've got quite a recipe for overall inactivity and frustration from your favorite blogger (me) on your favorite site (this one). Pathetic. Just pathetic.

But hey, I ain't here to sweat the petty shit. I'm here to pet the sweaty shit. Illogical Contraption--while relatively slow in the Blogspot World--has been going nuts in other realms, which is what we're really here to talk about today. First and foremost, IllCon Radio has been going bananas as of late, which you would never know if you happen to download episodes off the "show archive" column over there on the right. Out of a general sense of spite toward the file-sharing world (what is it, illegal all of the sudden?), I haven't updated this page for a FULL EIGHT EPISODES, which I admit is both bogus and sad. I know lots of you dudes out there get the show that way (at least a couple hundred per episode, if Mediafire is telling the truth), so rejoice in the fact that I finally got off (on?) my ass and uploaded episodes 43-50. That's almost 16 hours of drunken fun! Have at it.

(Seriously though, you're better off just subscribing via iTunes.)

But I have not only been a chode in my weekly maintenance of new podcasts here on the old Blogspot. Mediafire, being the dick that it is, has also offed several CLASSIC episodes for whatever reason, and I've only just recently had the time and momentum to find and re-up those fuckers, too. These are actually some of our best. Please use them wisely:

#21: GENESIS P-ORRIDGE and AESOP DEKKER
#33: SAM McPHEETERS and CAPTAIN AHAB
#34: TOMMY BLACHA (CO-CREATOR OF METALOCALYPSE!)
#35: PEACHES CHRIST
#36: NO ONE IN PARTICULAR
#37: EUGENE ROBINSON and AESOP DEKKER (Can't get rid of this guy!)
#38: TIM SWARTZ and MC CRUMBSNATCHER
#39: THE GHOST GIRLS, and lastly:
#40: A DOUCHEY MARINA BRO

So I guess that means the show archive is (at present, at least) "up to date". Thanks a lot to all the readers who have gone out of their way to support the show, too. You guys are awesome!

ALSO: Two weeks ago, while I was in New York City, I had the opportunity to guest host one of my favorite podcasts, Kissing Contest. It was super fun, and Mike, Sawyer, and Doan are some down-ass bros. Subscribe to that shit NOW. They even made this sweet custom image to celebrate my appearance:

You can find the Cobras Episode (#106, wherein we discuss East Coast vs. West Coast gang movies, metal, Channing Tatum, and Greyhound bus rides) HERE. It was an epic time.

Let's see, what else...?

Oh yeah! Here's a picture of the IllCon Radio Team partying with our favorite punk vocalist/ladies' man/puppeteer David Liebe Hart:

L to R: Erik, Cobras, some black guy, Cory, Peter

Crazy times, man.
Oh, we're also gonna have some shirts and stickers and shit, too. And Apocryphon is putting out a split and doing a West Coast tour soon. And I might even find the time to write some shit about aliens or conspiracies or technical death metal or clown porn at some point as well.
Maybe.

A MESSAGE FROM ILLCONBOT

Important stuff:

Follow Shelby Cobras on Twitter.
Follow Cory on Twitter.
"Like" IllCon on Facebook.
Follow our Tumblr.
"Friend" us on Last.FM.
Check out IllCon Radio on FCCFreeRadio.com.
Likewise, subscribe to us on iTunes.
We're also on NetworkedBlogs (I don't even know what that is).

Now that you've done all that:

Go "like" Apocryphon on Facebook.
Listen to (and download) our music for free on Bandcamp.
Add us to your Last.FM music library.
Review our music on Metal Archives.
Buy a shirt on BigCartel (sorry, most of our other shit sold out on tour, more coming soon...).

Extra credit:
Buy stuff from Hide The Bodies Press.
Check out our podbros Pool Party Radio, Junk Food Dinner, Kissing Contest, and Hand Ov Doom.

Not enough shameless plugging? OK then....

ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION RADIO IS OFFICIALLY "OVER THE HILL" TONIGHT WITH EPISODE NUMBER 40!!!

After a long absence, I (Cobras) will be back amongst my dumb friends this evening, discussing the finer points of frat-funk, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, ill-fated mushroom trips, and the devastating break-up of longtime IllCon favorites Chumbawumba. You know where to go (link up top).
Be there at 10pm PST. Give us a ring: (415-829-2980)

(also: super secret special guest)

/spam

TLD/ILLCON FIT CLUB CHALLENGE 2K12

For the record, Apocryphon's mini-tour a week and a half ago was excellent, and contained many a highlight (most of which cannot be discussed publicly). But what was most likely the high point of our epic four-day journey was our quick overnighter at the abode of the internet's own Jaime Glen Danzig, who, with the help (coercion?) of his dear lady-friend Erin, showed us not only peak levels of hospitality and friendliness (a tall order considering our obnoxious drunkenness), but fed us, bathed us, gave us a warm place to sleep, and let us harass their pets (Billie deserved it for peeing on my face). Pretty crazy considering it was the first time JGD and I ever met face-to-face, but, in his words, "it's become clear that he's obviously just some cast-off mutant sibling of mine, complete with many of the same hopes, dreams, and death metal shirts." I heartily concur.

Above: Apocryphon performing LIVE at Slabtown, Portland, OR, June 29th, 2012

So what's the best way to repay such unmatched kindness? Gifts? Money? Good vibes?
Not for me. I choose to take the high road, and by the "high road" I mean publicly shaming Jaime in the most terrible and demeaning way possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the Living Doorway/Illogical Contraption One-Month Fit Club Challenge 2012.

Mesmerizing

Here's the deal (as agreed upon between Mr. Danzig and myself): ONE MONTH (July 8 - August 8), whoever drops the most weight wins, bottom line. Whether it be by means of diet, exercise, shake weight, lipo (don't worry, neither of us can afford it), or stomach staples (don't worry, neither of us can afford it), the end result is all that matters. To the winner go the spoils.

The spoils: Winner (Cobras) designs a header that the loser (JGD) has to use on his blog for 2 weeks. No protest or arguments tolerated. The weigh-ins have already taken place, and the "before" pictures snapped (these may or may not be posted in August, depending on the condition of our respective doughy torsos/egos at the end of this competition). All that's left now: PAIN.
May the best man (me) win.

I may or may not have spoken about it before here on IllCon, but through both personal crisis and a little inspiration from The Living Doorway's Fit Club, I managed to drop about 20/25 lbs this past February/March, and although I've been slacking off super hard all summer (so far) and losing the beefy, rock-solid biceps I worked so hard to obtain, I feel fully confident and ready to dive back in at present. I'm pretty sure that through a combination of Ferriss-style slow-carb diet manipulation (you can call him a fraud, but it already worked for me once) and daily running around Lake Merritt (feel free to say hi, I'm the long-haired, tattooed guy wearing Rings of Saturn-logo basketball shorts), I can drop at least 10 or 12 pounds in a month. So let's fucking do this. I've got some really, uh, "creative" ideas for your new blog header, Jaime. I'd love for you to see them.

ALAIN GORAGUER - LA PLANETE SAUVAGE/FANTASTIC PLANET SOUNDTRACK (1973) (+OTHER STUFF)

Okay, everybody just fucking chill out.

Are you chill? How chill are you? I'm afraid that's not chill enough. You're gonna need to bring it down a couple notches. Right now you're at "chill as a polar bear's toenails", but I need you to go even further. I'm talking only the chillest of chills. I'm talking Fantastic Planet chill.
Now before you get all sassy and point out that our long-lost chillbro Seanford posted this album as a footnote to his French workout-disco post HERE, I'd like to remind you that a) it has since been deleted from the great Mediafire Septic Tank in the Sky, and b) if ever there was a movie soundtrack fully deserving of its own post, it is this mellow gem, swan song of French pianist/composer/Gainsbourg collaborator Alain Goraguer. So here it is again. If you didn't jump on this thing before, now is the time.
SMOKE WEED EVERY DAY AND LISTEN TO THE FANTASTIC PLANET OST. THIS IS SOLID ADVICE FROM ONE CHILL-ASS DUDE TO ANOTHER. PLEASE CHILL RESPONSIBLY.

Download HERE
Purchase HERE

PS: This sucker has been sampled by Big Pun, Madlib/Quasimoto, and J Dilla, for those of you keeping track of that kind of stuff.



ALSO OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE:

DEAD CONGREGATION
GRAVE MIASMA
ANHEDONIST
VASTUM
MORTUOUS
APOCRYPHON

This is TONIGHT at the Oakland Metro Opera House! Get there early (7pm) to see Apocryphon and Cobras my drummer will buy you a beer. This show will be one for the fucking ages!

But that's not all!

Even the 99% of you that don't live in or around the San Francisco Bay Area still have a shot at IllCon-flavored goodness! If you can't fall gently asleep to the dulcet tones of our Grecian pals Dead Congregation, you might as well settle for the drunken babblings of our uber-buds Cory, Erik del Tigre, and Aloysius T. Yothers over at Illogical Contraption Radio! Shit goes live on FCCFreeRadio.com at 10pm, and, as always, phone lines will be open to you, the undeserving public! (415) 829-2980.

EPISODE 39: HIGH NOON AT MAGIC MOUNTAIN

Let's rock.

THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING

ATTENTION, ASSHOLES:

If you dwell in the Pacific Northwest, your attendance is MANDATORY at any of the three "heavy metal concerts" listed above. Mention the code word "Mantlers" and be bought a drink by our extremely wealthy drummer! Don't miss out! We are surprisingly genial and well-mannered dudes!
Let's rock and/or roll!

...And Then Comes Lividity (1990)

Holy bat shit biscuits! It's been a while since I have graced the mighty IllCon halls with my presence. My deepest of apologies! Scheiße! This month has flown by. Really it has. A lot, I mean A LOT of shit has gone down in the last month: finals, The Legendary Boonville Beerfest, family memorials, visiting my old man, random drunken excursions in the City, brewing adult beverages, and getting back on air... 

Yes, you heard correctly! I recently got accepted into the ranks of local pirate-radio station 99.9 FM HFRA! I am now a genuine pirate it appears and I intend to sail the seas of cheese without abandon. It has been several years since I have been on air. Some of those out there may remember my stint at KHSU-FM (90.5) here in Arcata and if so, you'll remember the ridiculousness of that endeavor: staying up Friday night, consuming massive amounts of coffee and snickers bars, cueing up my show, hitting the air waves at 3am Saturday morning, and then making the arduous journey back "home" at the break of dawn only to officially go to bed at 7:30am and waking up at 1pm for band practice... Ah! Those were the days! How I miss them (minus the 3am part). Nothing is set in stone yet for when my show will be but it will undoubtedly be great. I intend to play a little bit of everything, focusing mainly on metal, classic rock, and the occasional blues album or two. Barring that I can figure out how to, I will try to set up a podcast or record it somehow so y'all can listen for yourselves. Seeing as my last time on air via IllCon Radio was a drunken disaster, I have some redeeming to do on my end... So stay tuned, and don't touch that dial!

In other news, I've been drinking a fair amount. I have tried many a new brew in the past month including my own, which is still fermenting, and I'll have a couple posts coming soon in relation to brew-reviews, hopefully... Also, there's several shows coming up! Namely, Shelby and Co. are making a return to E-town for a show and the bros from MIASMIC are opening! APOCRYPHON slayed the last time they were up here so I'm definitely looking forward to this show. Last I checked, MIASMIC's CD was still at Amoeba Records in SF, and I've been told it was at the store in Los Angeles as well. So go pick yourself up a copy of their debut or contact the band directly.
Also, legendary stalwarts LOCUST FURNACE are opening for PHALGERON this Friday, June 22nd. LOCUST FURNACE are pretty reliable. They have been around for the better part of 15 years now and I'm told they have new material (for once!). PHALGERON were solid the last time I saw them play here. So if you're in the Humboldt area this Friday, you can check them out alongside MADHAMMER (another local band) at the 'Lil Red Lion in Eureka...
Lastly, I recently got a email from MediaFire saying that one of the files I have uploaded via the site has been pulled due to copyright issues. The file "Almost Heathen.zip" has been suspended. Sorry for the inconvenience but I'm glad a few hundred of you out there got the chance to check it out before they pulled it. It took me years to locate a copy of it in replacement for my original and my intentions with my contributions here at IllCon are simply to give readers the chance to hear new and rare tunes. I do not intend to violate any applicable laws nor try to attract the wrong kind of attention. I'm still not sure on all the details but I may have to begin posting more obscure, less-available stuff on here...

So as a token of my apologies, and with the aforementioned, I present you with this somewhat rare slab of maggot-infested metempsukhosis (or whatever that is).

Enjoy! 

Download

Buy

Metallum / Last.FM