chuck gave me herpes

Or the post in which I become a hypocrite.

Because we all know how I feel about blog awards. That is I'll grab them with both hands accept them graciously and put them on my trophy page, but I refuse to comply with any conditions that might be attached because I'm too fucking greedy to share the glory then they spread around like a social disease.

But since I keep staring at my unfinished posts and nothing is happening with them at the moment, and because I can think of a few good blogs that should have more followers to recommend to you all I decided I would rebel against myself ( I may as well, when you get to my age there isn't much else left to rebel for) and do it.
And also because Chuck said he gave it me "just because she'll hate it".

There's a certain irony in getting an award for being CREATIVE that isn't even spelt right. My inner grammar
troll is not amused.

Right then. Bring on the itching. . . .

What is your favourite song?
Dirty Epic - Underworld. But if you've read my "about me" you'll know that. This song just gets to me, no matter how many times I hear it, and whenever I am feeling any kind of bad I just put my headphones on and listen to it LOUD and it always sorts me out.
I actually have the first line tattooed across the back of my neck.

It says "sweet in winter sweet in rain".

If you want to hear the song the video is on my about me.

What is your favorite dessert? 
ALL of the ones with chocolate or lemon in them. I have curves to maintain, you won't catch me eating anything low taste calorie. I am actually going to start a food blog soon - it's all done and ready to go - to share some of the recipes I created. Expect chocolate. Lots of it.

What ticks you off? 
Do I really need to answer this ? I think anyone who reads this blog is well aware of what pisses me off.


When you're upset what do you do? 
Listen to my favourite song. Presuming this means sad upset. For angry upset I tend to blog about it, when it's just generally pissed off angry. When I'm REALLY angry I throw things - or walk away, because I am dangerous when I'm THAT angry. But just because I walked away doesn't mean that person is not on the list.

Which is/was your favourite pet? 
Impossible to answer. I have always had cats and I love them all equally even though they have all had very different characters.

Which do you prefer to wear, black or white?
Purple. But of those two black, apparently it's slimming. And as I can't eat anything without getting half of it all over myself white on me would just be a disaster waiting to happen.

What is your biggest fear? 
Heights. I can't even change a light bulb because my house has high ceilings and it involves climbing a ladder.  My biggest fear whenever Son goes away is that I will end up living in the dark until he comes back. I know I could use candles but with my propensity towards calamity that's not a great idea. Spiders are a close second, but I can deal with them if I have to, I can't cope with heights at all. In fact when I'm stressed I will often dream that I am up high on some kind of narrow structure.

What is your attitude mostly? 
I'm a cunt. And what ????


What is perfection? 
The thing I see in the mirror.
Yeah right.
No one thing really, but my idea of perfect would be to spend every day laying on a sandy beach somewhere very hot.
And Vin Diesel applying the suntan lotion.


What is your guilty pleasure?
Porn.
Wait. . . who typed that ? If you really want to know read THIS.

And now I have to tell you ten random things about me.
1. I own about 60 bras, but I don't have a white one.
2. You know the weird person who starts up a conversation with you somewhere at the bus stop ? That'll be me. I'll talk to anyone.
3. I'm utter crap at managing my money. Always have been.
4. Ever since I could remember I wanted to learn to play the piano.
5. When I was about 13 I got my mum, my sister and me thrown out of a museum because I was bored and there was a really old church organ and I decided to play "what shall we do with the drunken sailor" on it. That was the first (but not the last) time my Mum regretted letting me have the piano lessons.
6. My favourite film is Apocalypse Now. But not the redux, having watched it I can totally see why the deleted scenes were removed.
7. Although I love being in the sea I am rubbish at swimming. I prefer to float around on an airbed. Once in Spain I floated out way too far, I was unaware and half asleep when I heard a mans voice say "are you alright love".. I opened my eyes and there was two fellas on a pedalo. They towed me back to safety, otherwise I might've ended up in Africa.
8. I'm very good at keeping secrets. I love it when people are gossipping about something and wondering what happened and I know the truth.
9. My first proper job after school was in a bank. I got the sack. Apparently you were not allowed to use the money in the till to supplement your wages.
10. I'm going to add these to my about me page. Just as soon as it stops playing up, I've been trying to change something on it for a few days and it won't scroll in the editor.

And finally, I have to infect pass this on to seven other people.
NB. This is the real reason I did this, to encourage you all to go and check them out. So make sure you do, you have been warned about my temper . . . .

1. Janie Junebug. One of my blogging sisters, one day she will come to the UK and then there will be trouble.
2. Working Dan. A blog with a few recurring themes, including his own Game of Thrones. Go and see if you can knock those epic bloggers from ABFTS off that wall. You might even get your very own character drawn. (I'm still waiting for a cowgirl to ride into town).
3. The Ranting Monkey. Frank has pretty much been with me since I started this blog, for the life of me I don't know why he doesn't have more followers. His topics are varied but he is a great writer and when he's being funny he's hilarious.
4. From the Mind of A Madman. I just found this, because Dan started following me. Funny man.
5. Pajama Days in a Klonopin Haze. Another blogging sister, this blog is usually about her very interesting and amusing life but she also has another about her "other" job. Shea is a real life ghost hunter and it's fascinating stuff.
6. The Japing Ape. Written by a gorilla. I kid you not. Always with a rather twisted take on a current news item, I can't explain this - you just need to go and read it.
7. Superlatively Rude.  I just love Laura. I am trying my best to persuade her to marry Son. I need a daughter in law who appreciates my cooking and is happy to talk about vagina while we eat the endless cakes I will make us. And since amongst the many other things she does Laura is writing a book about her vagina she is definitely the one. If you go and visit her be sure to leave a message saying I sent you, it will help with my campaign.

And you should also go and visit Chuck, who gave me the itchy vagina award at Apocalypse Now. He is very funny and he has a blog named after my favourite film.
You lucky seven can accept this or not. And I don't care if you take up the conditions or not.
But if you do. . . Zovirax can stop the itching.

Or so I'm told.

hobbytime

Number one on the list of things I fucking hate at the moment :
The fucking A-Z blogging challenge.
I have enough trouble keeping up with my followed blogs, although the advantage of that is that when I do spend some time reading there is usually a few posts on each so I get to enjoy them more. But thanks to that fucking stupid challenge everyone has been posting just about every fucking day and I don't see how I am ever going to catch up unless I take a week off work.

Next time I'm going to do the bloody thing myself and write about 3000 words for each letter.
That'll teach you.

A is for arseholes, B is for buggery, C is for. . . . .

When I first started this blog I used to find myself thinking whenever anything caught my interest, annoyed me, made me laugh or just made me think that I would bore you lot with it write about here. Now, especially since the post holiday lull in my sensibilites (which still continues three months later) I find myself looking for things to get to me in some way just so I have something different to write about. It's sometimes a comment that I leave on another blog that seems to provide me with inspiration, especially when the author has written about a topic that brings up a memory or says something that I agree with and want to add to.
Although if I don't have the time to read any that's not going to happen either.
I reckon it must be easier to find writing material if you have a themed blog because it's focus is going to be something that you are interested in and passionate about, and therefore have a lot to say about too. That would never really work for me - whilst there's a lot of things I think about doing then decide I can't be arsed do there is nothing I do often or for long enough to really call it a hobby.

Unless you consider smoking, sleeping, eating chocolate, drinking coffee and farting to be hobbies.

I've always been the same.
When I was younger I would take up an interest in something - usually creative - get whatever equipment I needed, then get bored with it. In my bedroom in the house I grew up in was a huge floor to ceiling cupboard that by the time I left home and my Mum cleared it out was full of half finished projects. Rug making kits, half done paintings, tapestries, sketch books, knitting, half made clothes, and endless junk that I had collected because I "could make something out of that".
I did - a mess.
The end result is that I became a bit of a Jack of All Trades when it comes to craft type things. I like to think I'm a bit artisitic, if I see someone else attempting something I'll stick my nose in and tell them where they are going wrong want to join in and help, and sometimes that inspires me to go and get the stuff I need to start my own.
Which eventually ends up in the big cupboard I now have in my house.

It's the same with DIY projects, those that really need doing because something is broken get done there and then but anything else can wait. Why do now what you can put off for six months. I have a lot of bits of wood that "one day" are going to be made into something fantastic. If I only knew what or had the time. . .
Most likely a bonfire.

Does anybody need any shelves made ?

And although you would probably never guess from the crap I post here I also have two books that I started ages ago. Both consist of one chapter - and both were began over a year ago. I got bored. Not that I really expected them to go anywhere, although I'm a total literary genius far from illiterate I really don't think I have the skills needed to put together a novel. And one of the things I have realised from blogging is that there are plenty of aspiring authors out there who are far more talented and interesting then me.
I think I'll just stick to reading books.
Or maybe just finish the four that I have by the side of my bed that haven't been looked at in so long I will actually need to start them from the beginning again.
You see the pattern here ?
Attention deficit anyone ?

Although I can be the exact opposite and get quite obsessive about things. It might take me ages to get around to doing something, but once I start something that I've put off for months I'm really into I have to get it finished and will get really irritated if anything distracts me. Which is why as well as those four books that have been there for ages there are times when I have read a 400 page book in a day.
And why it bothers me that thanks to that fucking challenge I am never going to catch up on blog reading because reading followed blogs is one of the things I am currently obsessive over.

At the moment I'm mostly feeling inspired to sew. Apart from mending trousers that Son ripped skating, replacing zips or cushion covers and curtains for my house I haven't really made anything for years, but it is the one craft that I have always done - ever since I was a child. My Mum was a seamstress so I learnt from her and began by making clothes for my dolls.
The new phase began when I recovered a chair for Lily, my friends granddaughter to have in her new bedroom, but it has progressed.
UK readers might of watched "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" on the TV, but for those that haven't gypsy girls usually have the most over the top, huge, spangly decorated wedding dresses. Think Disney Princess and then some and you get the idea. Lily, who is five, loves dressing up and loves the programme so we got a second hand prom dress off ebay and spent last week turning it into a gypsy wedding dress for her. I have loved every minute, I've done the sewing and my friend has spent hours sticking sequins and rhinestones to it.

When it's finished I'll post a picture, we are kind of thinking that it might just be a way to make some money too. Given the popularity of the programme and the fact that all little girls love dressing up it could catch on.
Although if that happens by the time I've made three I'll probably be bored with that too.

I only hope I don't get bored with blogging, although that's not really likely as all my friends in the real world are fed up with me complaining too busy to listen to me anymore, and I need an outlet.
Just in case something winds me up.