I never really thought about it before. I mean, it was never an issue for me, until a recent conversation, ok, more like flirting/chasing game with someone, who is also 'coupled', that got me into thinking.
Don't expect this to be a defense of the mistress. I am not advocating it, just to be clear. I just happen to be in it, and simply want to share my stories and some thoughts.
My stories are not the typical 'other-man' or 'other-woman', or 'other-gay', if we must call them that. Unlike the usual scene wherein the "other-person" does not know the whole truth about their new 'friend', who has withheld the information that they are already hitched, which eventually caused the the attachment of stigma to the 'other person' as the 'home-wrecker', the 'bitch', or whatever you may call them, mine are all consentual.
This is not to say that this makes the act right. But I also maintain that the act isn't wrong, to begin with.
Here are my stories:
I met J. We dated. Then parted ways. I went back with my (then)BF, while I haven't heard from him. The next time we met, hes coupled, and is happy. I kept seeing J despite knowing that he is taken. He was also OK with that. I promised him and his BF though that I wont get in between their relationship. I promised not to cause their relationship any trouble, and I stand by that.
We see each other when we want to see each other, when it is convenient for us to go out for lunch, or dinner, or simply a stroll. We don't force it when we can't.
I'll admit, at times I wish I am his BF instead. But then again, I know he is happy with what he has now. I am happy that J is happy with his BF.
The same goes with G, my recent vacationship. We see each other when we can, when it is convenient. We try to enjoy what we have as much as we can.
The past 2 weeks, his BF came to visit him so we haven't gone out for a while now. Was I sad about that? Was I devastated that he is with someone instead of me? NO.
I knew that when I started the vacationship with G, we can only go as far. I knew where we stand, and I wouldn't wanna cross the line that I myself draw.
During the time that I haven't been seeing G, I chanced upon someone, A. We met online, and after couple of messages, we decided to go out for dinner.
I won't deny that A is attractive, and is easy to get along with. We went out for a few more dates.
But we were trapped in the same dilemma-- he is taken.
Its funny how he would make a joke out of our situation. He would tell me that he likes my hair, and that he likes my smile. He would ask me the things that I do and would eagerly share to me his passions for the same things. He would tell me he likes me, then in the end would say, that I am falling for him (where in fact we know that we both can't fall with each other)
I would tell the joke in return, that he has fallen in love with me. Then its always punctuated by a comfortable silence and a good laugh.
I still see A. We would go out and have time together when we can. I haven't met his BF yet, though I've already talked to him online. We are planning to set up a dinner together one of these days.
Finally, just a few days ago, I had a very interesting conversation (which led to flirting and some admissions) with someone. I've met him through a friend, a poz friend. We never saw each other after that initial meet up, and just started to be in touch online lately.
I would admit that he is an interesting guy and is very likable. He is smart and has the maturity that can follow my (wicked) sense of humour. I love talking to him, and I'd like to think he feels the same. But to take his words, he likes me and would take me "only is hes not attached".
He is very open though. He is very open to the possibilities that can come from what we have now, and I am somehow happy with that.
Yes, it may seem terribly easy to look at this from an outsider's perspective, and make some judgments from there. It is a big NO-NO! I even get that from close friends, and I don't blame them.
It is understandable. The 'other person' usually is portrayed as that which causes any of the couple to cheat, hence, destroy the 'relationship' in the end. And that is clearly, without any question unacceptable.
But this is not the love triangle portrayed in movies.
Although I acknowledge that there are men/women out there who prefer dating a committed man/woman to purposely cause troubles in the relationship, there are also some who just happen "to be in that situation", a situation where they try to build a relationship with someone, only with the antecendent 'that someone is committed'.
Just like any relationships, the essential is that someone wants to build a relationship from pure intentions, and whatever the antecedent may be, I think that alone is enough reason to give it a chance and spare it from the misconception that all affairs of this sort are the result of the deceit.
Afterall, ALL is fair in love.
