The 'Twilight' Series: Chivalry, and Chastity #Catholic

I admit I've read the entire "Twilight" series, written by Stephenie Meyers. I've been interested in vampire stories ever since the wacky soap opera, "Dark Shadows," drew me in with its Gothic moodiness and creepy characters. My interest eventually led me to Anne Rice's vampire novels, which I later stopped reading as I realized they were just too doggone seductive.

Vampires have never been "good guys" in my eyes. There may have been unfortunate reasons for their "birth" as an immortal bloodsucker, but overall, I'd say they were nasty characters - until I read Meyer's portrayal of them and specifically, her main hero, Edward Cullen. I never expected to appreciate a fictional vampire but I found myself glad for the author's background (She's a Mormon.), which I believe found it's way upon the book's pages. It's not so much that her Mormon doctrines were included in the storyline, but rather her portrayal of relationships (they are respected) and topics like the state of one's soul, which is honestly discussed. I can only think such considerations would come from a woman of faith.

It's been awhile since I did anything with "Castitas," my videos focused on promoting chastity, especially for younger people. But reading the Twilight series has reminded me of how badly our culture needs chaste characters, and how much so many of our young people hunger for them. Obviously, they are no longer common. Turn on any sitcom and it will feature premarital sex as though it's the norm. Even Christian characters who seem to promote chastity, as the outwardly-beautiful-but-inwardly-ugly Quinn on the hit series "Glee," end up pregnant. The clear message is that no matter how hard someone promotes chastity - in the end, it's a farce, a fool's errand - because everyone knows that all teens have sex.

Those who desire chastity have an uphill battle. There are few celebrities who promote it, few educators who believe in it, and few government officials who want to include it in sex education. Those who want to preserve their virginity until they are married are typically mocked for being hopelessly out-of-touch with reality.

But now the chaste have a new, unlikely hero - a fictional vampire. Edward Cullen meets the heroine, Bella Swan and informs her that although he looks seventeen, he is actually more like 109-years-old. His polite and respectful manners are from another era, and goodness, how this makes him even more attractive. Unlike the twenty-first century teenage boy who expects to bed immediately any girl he meets - Edward uses incredible restraint to resist Bella. There are two reasons for this: First, Bella has the type of blood that seems to be the perfect match for Edward's vampiric thirst. Second, because Edward loves Bella, and because his incredible strength would kill her if he released his passion for her, he chooses to avoid any situation that would lead to intimacy.

Both choices show something that as Christians we know but rarely see reflected in entertainment - self-sacrifice. In this series, we have a man who truly loves a young woman enough to say no to his own desires. In fact, all throughout the story, we see Edward's character time and time again either save Bella from harm or save her from his own kind's killing instinct. Above all, he wants to keep her safe. Of course Bella, in her typical teen-angst way, doesn't see this. She only knows she loves Edward and doesn't want to be separated from him, not focusing on the truth that they already are separated by mortality.

But back to the chastity bit. I know for a fact that women yearn for chivalrous men who will put a woman's well-being above his own. Our culture has almost destroyed such men. After years of feminism and the degradation of masculinity, it is no surprise that most young men have been stripped of treating a woman with respect. And I know women have played their part in this unfortunate development. With female celebrities who dress like hookers and talk like salty sailors, it's no wonder they're mistreated, either by the press or their boyfriends.

I like how this article in The Catholic Herald, "Why Girls Love Chaste Edward Cullen," pinpoints one of the most persistent memes in teen-hood and eventually adulthood: the attraction women have for the "bad boy." I am thrilled to see this assumption finally get challenged. Years ago, when I taught workshops for single women over 40 who wanted to find love, I remembered a middle-aged woman saying, "I'm attracted to the "bad boys." I can't help it, though, they are just so sexy!" I responded by saying that getting a broken heart or feeling used isn't really sexy. I said it then and will emphasize it now - women get what they allow. No one deserves to be mistreated, but if a woman allows anyone to mistreat her, that's what she'll get.

If my male readers will forgive me, I pose the following theory: when women start to respect themselves, men will respond accordingly. When women carry themselves with the dignity and wisdom that God intended for them to have, they may be surprised to find that it awakens within a man an innate desire to win her affections. Long ago, chivalry included a man fighting for the affections of his beloved. Thankfully, it isn't extinct and in fact, may be experiencing a resurgence. Many women are realizing that treating men as contemptible objects and then expecting them to cater to their every whim isn't exactly going swimmingly well. Radical feminism's extreme hatred and revulsion of men has left many women lonely and excluded. "It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman." (Prov. 21:9) How true.

Edward Cullen has brought the ideals of chivalry and chastity to a new generation and it couldn't have come at a better time. As older women teach the younger, they can include a modern version (if slightly unusual) of a man who loved a woman enough to say no - to both himself and her, so that she would be saved. And it wouldn't be a bad idea for young men to study some of the attributes of Edward. Selfless devotion hasn't had such an advocate for quite some time.

Poll Results and My Thoughts on "Holy Families Just Don't Happen"

The poll I had set up for the audio sermon "Holy Families Just Don't Happen" is now closed. I wanted to thank everyone for participating in my most successful poll, yet. I've not posted too many, but polls come in handy to act as a springboard for further discussion on a topic. 

At the heart of this sermon was raising children to live chaste and celibate lives until determining their vocation - whether that would be for Holy Orders, marriage, or remaining single. It is a very challenging message, posing a monumental challenge to guard oneself emotionally, physically, and spiritually in a lust-filled world. Here is the original post, including the audio link.

I originally listened to this sermon on my way to Cincinnati. Then I was interested to hear what my father had to say about it. So, we listened to it together.

Immediately, he thought the priest was expecting too much from the average teenager. I disagreed and said it was exactly what teenagers needed to hear. So, we had a spirited discussion about realistic expectations and whether the priest's message was too strict. So, I proposed having a poll on my blog to see what others thought. He was concerned that the poll would go in my favor because my readers would know my opinion. I reminded him that I would not share my opinion and it was never a good idea to assume anything; although some of you may have suspected which way I leaned since I launched the "Castitas" videos on chastity months ago. 

The one thing we wished we realized was to track the votes of men and women. We did wonder if more women would be pro-message and more men would say it was too demanding. So, we don't have anything to tell us that. However, 75% of those participating said they agreed the teaching on the whole was realistic. 25% thought it was unrealistic.

The one point I stressed with my father was this: why not err on the side of high expectations? Why not encourage young people to reach for what will ultimately bless them? 

Some may say that such strict perimeters in courtship would cause one to run into the other direction of loose morals. I don't agree. I think a good case of the "guilts" can go a long way toward causing a teenager to think twice before engaging in behavior that will harm them either physically, emotionally, or both. Sexuality is a gift from God. A baby is a gift from God. But living according to God's blueprint for marriage and family is best.

So, if you have any other thoughts, feel free to comment some more. My father now owes me a lunch but he pretty much always treats me! I'm going to get him a "consolation" prize!

Oh, and if you think you've got your Christian family doctor watching your back when you take your 12-year old daughter in for her check-up, you've got another thing coming. Read this entry on Patrick Madrid's blog and be prepared.

"Castitas" Video - College and the Alpha Male: Part One and Part Two

Okay. I'm coming off as a complete goob during Part One when I refer to the online radio show, Catholic 2.0 with its host, Commander Craig. For some reason, I called him "The Captain" instead of "The Commander." Sheesh!

I "met" Brian P. Craig through Facebook and thought his concept intriguing. Since I worked at a radio station eons ago, I can vouch for the fact that producing radio isn't easy, especially when you're trying to do everything yourself. So I definitely am giving him a big "nod of the mantilla" for boldly going where few people would ever go.

In these videos, I talk about the book, Sex & the Soul: Juggling Sexuality, Spirituality, Romance, and Religion on America's College Campuses by Donna Freitas. I never heard of Donna Freitas until I heard her interviewed on Catholic 2.0. (Show Date: 8/2/08) I was fascinated because it focused on an area and demographic I wanted to reach. Her book is surprising, bittersweet, and wistful in its description of the "hooking up" culture that exists on college campuses.

Although I wasn't able to go into as much detail as I would have liked, I want to reiterate here that women have the power to change that culture. However, in order for it to change, there must be a large population of women who say, "No more." Those who keep saying "yes" even when they'd rather not, make it difficult for everyone else to say "no." I'm not a feminist per se, but I'm all for sisterhood solidarity when it comes to protecting women's chastity and virtue. Men have had it too easy for far too long and women are now bearing the brunt of the sexual "freedom" from the sixties. In fact, I'd say that women are more oppressed by societal expectations that she is "liberated" than they were in the 1950's.

I don't believe women can date like men or sleep around like men. The sexual experience for women is near to her heart because God has created it so. After watching girlfriend after girlfriend try to play it loose and fancy-free, every one of them ended up broken and empty.

Perhaps this is why I feel so strongly about doing what I am doing. I don't want to see young women get caught in the same trap. Cherish yourself because God cherishes you. He has created you for beauty and love - not to be treated like a cheap pair of shoes worn by every selfish guy on campus. God will give you the strength to say no as long as you are open and willing to hear His voice. When you are at your weakest, He will quickly rush toward you, scooping you up and bringing you close to His breast. You can rejoice in knowing you are not alone and not without resources. God will meet your every need.

So, here is Part One:



And...Part Two: (After much editing, I barely got it in under the 10 minute mark!)

Foremost UK Gay Activist Admits There Is No Gay Gene

Not that I ever believed there was a 'gay gene.' However, I find it fascinating that a gay activist actually admitted there is no such gene.

Whenever confronted with the idea that people are "born gay," I have quickly pointed out that God is not going to condemn homosexual behavior and then proceed to create a human being who has no choice in the matter. It simply doesn't make any sense.

I know there are "levels" of same-sex attraction. Those who choose the homosexual lifestyle may indeed have a predisposition toward it. But they're not predestined, which is - as this activist says, a completely different issue.

I'm almost certain this will get very little press. It is unfortunate because there are many homosexuals who truly believe they have no say in the matter. Because they believe they were "born that way," they seek no other solution for understanding their sexuality.

Chastity is for everyone.

Dawn Eden, "The Thrill of the Chaste," and Chastity in Marriage

I haven't written as much lately because we're in the midst of a move. Ugh. Although I don't enjoy moving per se, it does give one the opportunity to purge and the added anticipation of a new environment. We do not have much room here, so I'm looking forward to having a little more room, especially in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, I've been reading Dawn Eden's The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. I am in awe of her transparency. She is very honest in sharing her story, no holds barred. From all my years of celibacy and chastity, I can relate. Although at times it can be a difficult calling, it is not impossible. God gives us the strength to endure many things and for singles, enduring the loneliness can be achieved when we lean on Him for support.

I just posted on the Facebook group, "Castitas," a recommendation for this book. As I was typing the message, I started to think of how my call to chastity has changed since marrying.

Before, as a single, I tried to refrain from lusting after men. No small task, given the huge amount of sexploitation this culture imposes upon both sexes. I am not immune, for instance, to the sight of a well-sculpted man or someone who has a smile that could take your breath away. But as I had practiced rejecting certain movies or magazines as a single because of the paths toward temptation they'd bring; so I realized I needed to protect my marriage.

I do this a few ways. First, I never speak negatively about my husband not only in public, but to anyone. If there is an issue I have with him, I bring it to him. I also pray about it, but I figure God and my husband are the only ones to really hear it. Our society has become so used to "venting," that it's become a national sport. So much criticism of others has been paraded as "venting" when in essence, it is gossip and serves no good purpose.

When women gather, it is very easy for the conversation to turn toward husbands and boyfriends and how men overall aren't "stepping up to the plate" in a variety of areas. I'm not real keen on that kind of talk. In fact, I take offense for my brothers because most of the time, they're trying their very best. And some of us ladies aren't exactly berries and cream all the time, either.

Jesus commands us to love one another. Is it loving to be critical of the one person who shares with you the greatest intimacy? We are also instructed to edify and exhort one another. Griping about someone's faults won't build up anyone.

The other decision I made was to knowingly avoid any inappropriate conduct with other men. This included forswearing my love for contra-dancing. (Some of you may be saying "Contra what?...") Contra-dancing is like square-dancing except you have two lines of dancers instead of a square. You always dance with your partner, but then you dance with your neighbor. The lines weave with each other so that you end up dancing with a lot of people.

When I asked my husband if he'd consider joining me in attending a dance event, he flatly refused. When I asked why, he said, "Because I don't want to hold any other woman in my arms but you."

Sigh...how can a lady argue with that?

So because he was honoring me by this response, I honored him by saying no to any future contra-dancing. I had a few of my friends say I should go anyway and have fun - but to me, I wouldn't enjoy it. If my husband's idea of chastity is to not dance with other women, how could I in good conscience minimize that by doing what I wanted to do? I couldn't and I'm so glad I haven't. We have found other activities to do together such as hiking and biking and I'm a happy gal.

One thing that has surprised me is how often married women openly lust after other men. This is not living a chaste life within marriage. It is as though a woman is saying to her husband, "Look. I know I said I was committed to you until the day I die, but hey...I'm still human! I can still appreciate some of God's finest pieces of workmanship when I'm at the gym. No big deal!"

Well, not exactly.

How many times have we given in to temptation? And what proceeds temptation? It's not like I plan on eating half a box of cookies. First, I may see an ad for the cookies. I look at the page, lingering on the luscious images, almost tasting the cookie as I look. Then, I may swing by the grocery store to pick up a few items for dinner. As I pass the aisle for cookies, again I think of the ad. The aisle beckons, telling me I deserve a treat because after all, I'm worth it. (Ugh. I loathe this phrase. That will be for another entry someday...)

How many days have I ended up with a box of cookies because that advertisement won?

I liken it to lust. When a married woman doesn't understand what chastity within marriage means, she can easily be led down the path of temptation until she's in bed with some slimeball who has no qualms about sleeping with a married woman. She has in minutes destroyed something precious, something God intended to be an intimate connection and a reflection of His fidelity to us.

So even when you marry, you must realize boundaries need to be set. And boundaries will always be tested because that's just the way it is. God allows us to be tested to purify us, but He is quick to answer our cries for assistance.

I may write more about this in the future. I realize that I made many of these decisions long before I married. I asked God to give me a man who would appreciate these choices and He answered with a resounding yes. I cherish my husband and thank God for him daily. I think the more we appreciate our loved ones, the more love God gives to us for them. I think that is just wondrous.