TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ As Sam Gets to Meet Diane’s Mom)

 

Sam Malone [played by Ted Danson]: “I just want to say it's nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Chambers.”

Mrs. Helen Chambers [played by Glynis Johns]: “It's nice to meet you, Sam. Diane's told me about you. You're almost as handsome as she says you think you are.”

Sam [feeling insulted]: “There's a compliment in there someplace, I'm sure.”—Cheers, Season 1, Episode 20, “Someone Single, Someone Blue,” original air date Mar. 3, 1983, teleplay by David Angell, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ In Which Lilith Tries to Take Cliff’s Measure)

Dr. Lilith Sternin-Crane (played by Bebe Neuwirth): “Cliff, would you be interested in taking part in a university project? No, wait, let me rephrase that. Would you be interested in being a university project?”—Cheers, Season 8, Episode 4, “How to Marry a Mailman,” air date Oct. 19, 1989, teleplay by Brian Pollack and Mert Rich, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ as Lilith Explains ‘Bad Boy’ Sam)

[Dr. Lilith Sternin goes on a TV talk show to promote her book, “Good Girls/Bad Boys.” Husband Frasier Crane and friend Sam Malone sit in the audience to support her, then, when Lilith identifies them as respective examples of the male types in her book, they are called to the stage by the talk-show’s host.)

Brenda Balzak, talk show host (played by Phyllis Katz): "What does Sam [Malone] look like with his shirt off?"

Women in the audience (chanting):  “Shirt!  Shirt!  Shirt!  Shirt!”

Brenda: “Now let’s get hold of ourselves.”

Dr. Lilith Sternin (played by Bebe Neuwirth) (to Brenda): “Now, this is the perfect example of what a bad boy like Sam can do to a roomful of good girls like these fine women.” (Her eyes lock on Sam) “One can't help but be attracted to his steely glance and the strength therein, to imagine” (her gaze grows more intense, her voice slower and hoarser) “the warmth of his skin against ours, his arms pinning us down so we can't move.” (She's losing it; Sam sees it and starts looking nervous.) “One sees his full lips and imagines what they must feel like” (pause) “slightly moist” (another pause) “tugging at ours, before long one's feeling a little dizzy, and… For God's sake, Sam!  Let the buttons fly!” (Lilith launches herself at Sam's chest and begins tearing at his shirt.)— Cheers, Season 8, Episode 18, “Severe Crane Damage,” original air date Feb. 15, 1990, teleplay by Dan O'Shannon and Tom Anderson, directed by Andy Ackerman

TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ on Canadian Men)

Margaret “Maggie” O'Keefe (played by Annie Golden): “I can't tell you how hard these months of separation have been. The men up in Canada, well they just don't compare to you.”

Cliff Clavin (played by John Ratzenberger) [beside himself with excitement]: “Oh, oh.”

Maggie: “They're just pale, pathetic imitations of you, Cliff.”

Carla LeBec (played by Rhea Perlman):  “Boy, that must be one butt-ugly country!” —Cheers, Season 8, Episode 4, “How to Marry a Mailman,” air date Oct. 19, 1989, teleplay by Brian Pollack and Mert Rich, directed by James Burrows

Well, they are not that bad, are they now, Carla? After all, there are already a significant number of Americans up there, including many draft evaders from the Vietnam War who decided never to return. And, if Donald Trump somehow becomes President,  more Americans will cross the border like you won’t believe…

TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ As Sam Shows His Progress in Art Hum)

Sam Malone (played by Ted Danson): “Um, I'm sorry, Diane. One more art question here.”

Diane Chambers (played by Shelley Long): “What is it, Sam?”

Sam: “Uh, all right. Excuse me.”

[Sam places an art book in front of Diane]

Sam: “OK, now this Rubens guy. Is this the same guy that invented that sandwich?”

Diane: “No, no, I don't think so.”

Sam: “Well, OK, I was just wondering. Boy, ‘cause I tell you, the women in his paintings look like they really tuck away the groceries.”—Cheers, Season 3, Episode 19, “Behind Every Great Man,” original air date Feb. 21, 1985, teleplay by Ken Levine and David Isaacs, directed by James Burrows

TV Quote of the Day (‘Cheers,’ With Carla in Her Sarcastic Glory)

Dr. Frasier Crane (played by Kelsey Grammer): “I've been taking stock of myself.”

Carla Tortelli (played by Rhea Perlman): “Not exactly AT&T, is it?”—Cheers, Season 4, Episode 2, “Woody Goes Belly Up,” original air date October 3, 1985, written by Heide Perlman, directed by James Burrows