:: how different am i? ::

was hearing radio earlier on

when i came across this song by rene liu

from her new album,

a mandarin translation of Angela Aki's song tegami

called continue-to my 15 year old self (继续-给15岁的自己）

i wrote about Angela's song back a year ago..

and i happen to read several posts from May 2009

and thinking of it

i havent changed, not a bit

the surroundings and people might have changed

but somehow or rather

my feelings and thoughts havent

more about tt later

back to the song..

when i heard the mandarin version by rene on radio

i just hummed along to it

it was familiar

and i almost cud sing the japanese one

although it was back then 1 year ago

and my japanese have very much deproved since

hearing the mandarin song

i cud feel something

though not as strong

i wrote tweets about my feeling then

about how lost i felt in the mandarin version

seeking a feeling with the tune but not running along with the lyrics

the sense of being touched by something close to heart

unfortunately doesn't come with the mandarin tune

and i had to search out my older NEC lappie where the song was in it's itunes

(haven't got the time to transfer.. or just plain lazy)

a whole year

and when i heared the bridge

i felt the urge

love? kinship? friends? intropecction? me?

not sure

but i feel a surge of blood flowing to my head

a sense of warmth

keep on believing

keep on believing

believing in oneself? believing the world will change?

believing that i can do it all?

i've let myself down and some people around me

i've not necessarily kept my promises

but just as well

the world hasn't been all that kind to me either

i've gone thru uneasy times in the past year

and so much more to say

well..

and tt brings me to the posts and reflections

i've somehow lessened my blogging

because i tweet much more

just look at the tweet board beside

blogging to me is when i have something i wanna say in details

when i'm really tired

and want a channel to vent

i'm sorry

but.. i'll try.. no promises ya..

i want so much in life

i try so much in life

but myself

why is it like that? what am i thinking?

what are the people around me thinking? have i really matured?

why am i so easioly tired?

when can i be trusted?

wheres the power to drive me thru ups and downs and various tasks?????

where are my friends? where are my love?

who are you?

who am i?

are we realoly different day by day?

can i keep my promises and resolutions?

reflecting is one

changing is another

looking back and forth

how different am i gonna be tmr?

next week?

next month?

next year?

next 5 years....

and it goes on

i aim high

we aim to change

but really

isn't it a vicious cycle that  keeps going around?

things change

but how different, really

well.. lets feel the song that sparked all these..

 Angela Aki's Tegami - to my 15 year old self

(in Romanji and with English translation)

(original can be read from the post at the link above:))

Haikei kono tegami yonde iru anata wa

Doko de nani wo shite iru no darou

Chuugo no boku ni wa

Dare ni mo hanasenai

Nayami no tane ga aru no desu



Dear sir if you’re reading this letter

Where are you and what are you doing

When I was 15 I couldn’t talk with anyone

In that time I was very worried about that



Mirai no jibun ni atete taku tegami nara

Kitto sunao ni uchiakerareru darou



If I write a letter to my future self

Surely I could confess with simplicity



Ima, makesou de nakisou de

Kieteshimaisou na boku wa

Dare no kotoba wo

Shinji arukeba ii no?

Hitotsu shikanai kono mune ga

Nando mo barabara ni warete

Kurushii naka de ima wo ikiteiru

Ima wo ikiteiru



Now, losing together, crying together

I go out for search

In which words I have to believe for keep walking

How many times this heart had been broken?

Even that hurt us, we’re gonna live

We’re gonna live



Haikei arigatou

Chuugo no anata ni

Tsutaetai koto ga aru no desu

Jibun to wa nani de

Doko e mukau beki ga

Toitsuzukereba mietekuru



Dear sir thanks to your 15teen self

I want to tell you about things that had happened

Why do I have to face myself?

If I had come to see the issue



Areta seishun no umi wa kibishii keredo

Asu no kishime e to

Yume no fune yo susume



The stormy seas of youth are harsh but

A boat of dreams will lead you to tomorrow’s shore



Ima, makenai de nakanai de

Kieteshimaisou na toki wa

Jibun no koe wo shinji arukeba ii no

Otona no boku mo kizutsuite

Nemurenai yoru wa aru kedo

Nigakute amai

Ima wo iketeiru



Now don’t lose, don’t cry

In the moment when they disappear

I believe in my own words to keep walking

My adult self it’s damaged too

And don’t sleep at nights but

My sweet pain lives now



Jinsei no

Subete ni imi ga aru kara

Osorezu ni

Anata no yume wo sodatete



From all the sense of live

The fear of believe in your dreams

Keep on believing…



Lalala, lalala

Keep on believing

Lalala, lalala

Keep on believing

Keep on believing

Keep on believing



Ima, makesou de nakisou de

Kieteshimaisou na boku wa

Dare no kotoba wo

Shinji arukeba ii no?

Ah, makenai de nakanai de

Kiete shimai souna boku wa

Jibun no koe wo

Shinji arukeba ii no

Itsu no jidai wo

Kanashimi wo

Sakete wa torenai keredo

Egao wo misete

Ima wo ikiteikou

Ima wo ikiteikou



Now, losing together, crying together

I go out for search

In which words I have to believe for keep walking

Now don’t lose, don’t cry

In the moment when they disappear

I believe in my own words to keep walking

Mistakes from all the ages and sadness

We can’t prevent

Show a smile, we’re gonna live

We’re gonna live



Haikei kono tegami yonde iru anata ga

Shiawase na koto wo

Negaimasu



Dear sir if you’re reading this letter

Hope it brings you happiness

Rene Liu

刘若英 - 继续-给15岁的自己

知道吗我总是惦记

十五岁不快乐的你

我多想 把哭泣的你

搂进我怀里

不确定自己的形状

动不动就和世界碰撞

那些伤 我终于为你

都一一抚平

那一年最难的习题

也不过短短的几行笔记

现在我却总爱回忆

回忆当时不服输的你

天空 会不会雨停 会不会放晴

会不会幸福在终点等着我和你

会不会是我忘记 还能勇敢地去淋雨

我们继续走下去 继续往前进

继续走向期待中的未知旅行

感觉累了的时候 抱着我们的真心

静静好好地休息

这些年我还算可以

至少都对得起自己

谢谢你 是你的单纯

给了我指引

遇见过很多很多人

完成了一些些事情

你一定 还无法想象

多精彩过瘾

谁说人生是公平的

它才不管我们想要怎样

很感激 你那么倔强

我才能变成今天这样

我们继续走下去 继续往前进

看这条路肯让我们走到哪里

我们想去的地方 一定也有人很想去

我们都不要放弃 都别说灰心

永远听从刻在心中那些声音

感觉累了的时候 请你把我的手握紧

没有地图 人生只能凭着手上的梦想 Oh~

循着它的光 曲折转弯找到有光的地方

Lalala Lalala Lalala 那年的梦想

Lalala Lalala Lalala 人要有梦想

勇敢的梦想 疯狂的梦想

继续走下去 继续往前进

路旁有花 心中有歌 天上有星

我们要去的那里 一定有最美丽的风景

都不要放弃 都别说灰心

不要辜负心里那个干净的自己

痛到想哭的时候 就让泪水洗掉委屈

我们要相信自己 永远都相信

来到这个世界不是没有意义

我们做过的事情 都会留在人心里

会被回忆而珍惜

有一天我将会老去

希望你会觉得满意

我没有 对不起那个

十五岁的自己

:: 我是谁? 我是谁! 我是谁?!!!? ::

        我是谁 你是否常常这样问自己

我是谁 总是活在别人的期望里
我是谁 是谁又擅自帮你定义了
你是谁 只有不是自己才安全
为什麽 你以为这个世界很美丽
为什麽 你爱这个世界胜过爱自己
为什麽 这个世界不给你平等待遇
为什麽 到底做错了什麽
朋友都说你太 太 太奇怪
在背後把你当成笑 笑 笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很简单
不过就是最普通的 的 的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看
无论他们又说什麽 闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我 没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽 小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful
会不会 上帝把你的灵魂放错了身体
会不会 是故意整你不是不小心
会不会 你常常都觉得力不从心
会不会 坚持要做自己太危险
凭什麽 难道比较特别就是不对
凭什麽 先下了注解在认识之前
凭什麽 只不过想认真的活一遍
凭什麽 随便就把人定罪
朋友都说你太 太 太奇怪
在背後把你当成笑 笑 笑话看
每一个动作都被瞎猜
他们说你是个不能容忍的存在
你想要的很 很 很简单
不过就是最普通的 的 的平凡
诚实做自己有时候很难
但是请你勇敢的试一次看看
无论他们又说什麽 闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我 没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽 小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful
无论他们又说什麽 闲言闲语无法伤害我
世界上只有一个我 没人能代替的我
无论他们又做什麽 小动作无法打败我
我知道自己是最美丽的
The most beautiful
无论他们又说什麽 闲言闲语无法伤害我
我是谁 这个问题困扰你多少天多少夜
我是谁 谁有资格决定你怎样才是对
世界上只有一个我 没人能代替的我
我是谁 我是谁我是谁
我就是我你就是你
认真做自己的人最美丽
无论他们又做什麽 小动作无法打败我
我是谁 这个问题困扰你多少天多少夜
我是谁 谁有资格决定你怎样才是对
我知道自己是最美丽的
我是谁 我是谁我是谁
我就是我你就是你
认真做自己的人最美丽



really? I wish.. 认真做自己的人最美丽
not bothered about the world and changes
not bothered about the changing trends and the way the world progress
not challenged about the diversities of life
and living the life the way you are
loner or not
with anyone specil or not
just being myself
i wish
but i can't seem to convince myself
who am i?
who am i?
who am i?

:: exams and a good new year ::

1. exams are tomorrow. i feel... ill prepared.. oh my!

2. the past week, i've met people who are all too serious about life, it scares me. or maybe its just my live and let live attitude that makes me worried.. not too sure if i'm worried about myself or for others..

3. i realised that results are of utmost importance to me. but more often than not, i give up halfway. its bad, i know, but its like a nature to me. wrong wrong mentality that i must change.

4. new year was okay. nothing special. like what gregagoogoo says, quarter-life crisis. how to get out of this rat race and impossible life woth a million thoughts but with none fulfilled? what do i really want? lost...

5. switching tracks are what i keep thinking of. at this age, how many more times can i do that? can't keep rellying on my mum already..

6. as i write this post, my heart really feels hard and thumping. tsk tsk. emotional. so emotional that i could cry. gotta work hard!

7. just went to bai taisui earlier in the afternoon. first time i went. eye opening experience. i'm not a religious person, but since "tigers" crash with a certain god almost every other year, and my life hasn't been exactly that smooth every now and then, maybe a little contribution and chants might help. for a smooth life and some peace and happiness...

8. been sick for the longest time. my nose is constantly producing mucus, at many times, it is thick and has a bad smell. i wonder what is wrong.

9. thoughts cram my head and i've been having terrible headaches the past few days. many many things to do.

10. i have the time. but i seem to be wasting. i have no goals to myself. needs a change of attitude, fast.

11. coordinating the photoshoot isn't easy. blame it on myself. hope it will go smoothly. and when the shoot is done, i'm just awaiting for the launch. its exciting. my friends.. check out: http://purewiz.livejournal.com  and join the mailing list. can't wait to show u all the clothes! yay!

12. hope to get the part time job. keep me occupied for awhile and have fun:) been wanting this job for the longest time.. :)

13. anyone knows of ppl who can do tailoring/sewing of delicate designs and at reasonable prices? needs help urgently. call/sms/email me!

14. love. :) loved.

15. sharing a line: be sincere in the things you do, then even if you fail, at least you know you did right.

hope for the best in my exams and all that i do...!!!

:: the answer is.. what again? ::

1. I'm madly into concerts.. or should I say, too many people are coming for concert.. no.. too many great singers are coming down for concert..

2. 17 April is the clash of the mandopop bands.. SHE vs MayDay... i prefer the latter.. so.. see all at Padang for a repeat of their runaway sold out successful concert from last year..

3. then there's news tt another runaway sold out successful concert last year will be back.. in less than 2 weeks.. yes.. Stefanie Sun is bringing in a "golden lunar new year edition" of her hit "The answer is..." world tour back to Singapore, and holding it at Resorts World Sentosa.. the first chinese singer to perform there, mind you... and oh, we sooooo miss stef!

4. why am i watching concerts that i've watched once? coz they are real good, i guess...

5. but i'm not splurging like i did on Amit's concert.. bleah.. $121 for each of these two is enough to make me broke..

6. then there's Jam Hsiao and Sammi Cheng.. one vocal powerhouse and his first concert, another being cantopop's brightest showgirl on Singapore stage after years of absence.. well well.. i think i should go watch.. maybe after new year and when i've spare cash after planning for the 24th bday party.. hehe!

7. time flies.. the sem is coming to an end, and i've not found the answer to many things.. contemplative of quitting and pursuing something i should.. like.. a.........

8. LNY is like.. next week, and altho i kinda feel the hype, i'm too busy piled up under my homework, i can't seem to be bothered. it doesn't help tt there's exams after the LNY break..

9. but have cleared some modules le.. translation n feature report writings done.. and will be done with webdesign n writ comm next.. hopefully radio prod will conclude this coming week too.. then its a good break before the exams..

10. don't know what to look forward to.. coz the tees are not ready, and i'm quite dead with fashionisiac.. oh no.. need to keep my passion alive and get something going..

11. LNY clothes.. din buy much.. ok.. none.. coz i realise tt my clothes in the past year has over piled.. and i kinda forgotten to budget for new clothes.. and no time too.. too busy with assignments.. and love..

12. when caishenye meets cupid.. caishenye comes first.. oh.. forgot to mention.. caishenye comes onli once, my cupid acts like a caishenye on most other days.. :) hehe.. <3

:: my mind is about to burst ::

have been feeling unwell for days, probably weeks. headache. then i was sick. really. with fever and all.

then i was alone. felt lonely. and then the decision to be alone.

away from someone i thought was right.

not that he is not good. just that, we were not meant for each other.

nothing unhappy. really.

he is a carefree person. he lives a life of clubs and gym and partying and nights.

not me. i am a student who loves all these. but i'm not entitled to them.

i have my mother to think of. i can be living by myself. i don't have the financial support.

i can't afford the luxury styles.



we shall be good friends. really. better than before.

and we'll be happier.

but i think i still need... some love...

its W's birthday today...

:: anniversary ::

As part of World Aids Day events, Action for Aids held two exclusive screenings of this special short film commisioned by them, directed by Royston Tan and written by Alfian Sa'at, starring Shane Mardjuki, Jae Leung and Kelvin Ong.

The story goes like this..

Wai Kit (Kelvin Ong), a 23-year-old undergrad living with Justin (Shane Mardjuki), his 27-year-old boyfriend, are about to celebrate their first anniversary together. Justin makes a suggestion as to how to celebrate their first anniversary but was met with a luke warm response from Wai Kit.
Following a call from Jimmy (Jae Leung), Wai Kit wants to move out of Justin's house, leaving Justin wondering what has gone wrong between them.

"Anniversary" is a story of love, of what trust mean and the need to find out the truth. "Anniversary" will touch your heart and remain in your mind long after viewing.




The exclusive screening was held yesterday to two full house crowds at Sinema. Issues raised includes how to pass on the safe sex message and getting tested, and avoiding drugs and group fun, all these messages over to the younger crowd. The short film, unfortunately, got a R21 rating and hence was limited to a more mature crowd. How then, can there be less in-your-face method to bring it to the younger gays in society who might be falling victims into it?

Hope that there will be more screening of this film, both from artistic point of view and advocacy, to show this wonderful show to touch people, as well as subtlely spread the message.



(I was tricked to attend the event because I did not know, no where from the site, that this was a AfA Aids event. I went just based on the fact tt it was a royston tan short film. Damn, i should have done more research.)

http://www.anniversary.sg

:: end of Nov ::

Its shocking how time flies..

Its already the end of November..

Very soon.. another brand new year will be here..

Will it be a new start?

Will we be able to move on?

Will we see things in new light?

Will I be more mature?

What new things will I try or explore?

Not exactly looking forward to a new year..

Probably the good things have overcovered the nasty ones in 2009.

Blessings..

:: thinking back on these few days ::

I am tired.. very tired.. but I do not know why..

1. E-learning weeks are one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Very busy.

2. I feel lost in a weird way. Not knowing what I should do or where I am. I need positioning.

3. I seem overly pursuing something way out of my task. Why am I not studying and working hard on projects.

4. I overspent. Period.

5. Too busy. Far too busy with all the camps, ambassador, shopping, designing for label. Lost sight of target, again.

6. VOX! New Media Camp is, well, not tt exciting and fun. The school I'm attached to (JSS) is erm.. i've got too many negative things to comment. So shall stop. Overall, its a eat n eat camp. Hah!

7. Look forward to making new friends and interacting with hte kids at Arts Biz Camp tmr n thurs. :)

8. Who are my friends? I seem to not know. Blurred. Bad! Weird sensation lik how it was between me and zhiwei in the past is back. I treasure you as one of my bestie. Really.

9. Not focusing on my schoolwork. I really need to buck up. Almost half way through. I can't get last sem's results anymore. It was a wake up call to work harder if I want to go back to Pulau NTU again.

10. Visions blurred. Is dressing up and friends and friendships and joking partners more important? Is shopping important?

11. Alot on my mind. New start of a relationship. With guilt no less. Its happening to me once and over again. Izts bad. But is this the norm? Hope not. I need to settle down. Not young anymore.. What is the meaning to this? I seems to not know. Sad.

:: thinking through things ::

I sit down
looking through my stuffs
and thinking through the many happenings
that has happened during this holidays
and as i plan for the next week or so
and for the new semester..

Love:
its a complicated thing
between 2 persons
even more so between 2 guys
especially between 2 people who are so different
in many ways
yet sharing the same passion in life
and in this real world
real things happen
and feelings get tweaked

there's too much between us
and around us
for me not to feel tired
but because we love each other so much
we are able to look past these things
and appreciate each other
forget about the flaws
forgive one and others' misdemeanors
and love on like nothing happened..
i wish
this will stay on..
and on..

was at a class chalet i spearheaded
and am I glad that although the turnout was small
but we had fun
and bonded well
i had a chance to bond with the people were going to
be in the same class as me
and we talked also about many things
about class
about life
it was..
nice:)

attended BBE YEC's first meeting..
was a nice session selecting the committee
and the various office bearers..
there's going to be a lot to learn from
being a grassroots leader
in this youth group
and i look forward to working with this dynamic bunch of people
from different walks to life
to organise events for my constituency
and making friends in my neighbourhood
btw..
after little rounds of "elections" and "votings"
i am part of the sports and wellness team,
as well as the New Media and Publicity Secretary..
interesting..
as i hope to hone my skills in design and publication
doing publicity works and such
as well as maintaining good new media health
in the group.
might be able to apply wat i learn from webby design in the new sem..

currently out of dragonboating for awhile
because since i left for vietnam till now
my weekends are all jam packed
so..
no river regatta and db trainings for me this half year..:(

as for my new style in the new sem
i've decided
that i should be a fashion boy like i've always targetted
and go all out in dressing everyday
i've bought a big new collection for this sem
and hope to create new styles that will blow ppl's mind
and upping my own style quotient
to go well with my new fashion blog i plan for next year
as well as our little designing tees business:)
my great clothes collection from uniqlo n topman n river island n g2000
all waiting for me:)

that also brings me to another point..
i'm broke
and my lines are cut off temporary again..
i need to get a work
and try to pay off things for myself..
i dun noe how long more i can sustain a lifestyle like tt
without working
and i feel bad when i swipe the card each time..
well well..
any good job offers to fit my timetable?

and fitness calls..
i need to get a healthy lifestyle
gym n swim.,.
alot alot alot next sem..
loose weight!
with determination and sheer spirit.
i believe!!

alot in my mind
weighing me down..
if u don't see me smile so much
u understand
i've too much load
going through too much
i only hope to do my best in each section
and excel!

for now
i think i need to concentrate and enjoy whatever i have

HMS leadership camp from mon-thurs..
well well..
looking for other commitments..
and also job+money:)

:: my stylist friend ::

Weirdly
It feels my heart with that awkward tinge
when I saw my hairstylist today

At first,
I had the heart and thought of "betraying" him
to visit another hair salon to do up my hair
and it wasn't the very first time
such thoughts have always risen
each time the bell rings for a haircut
but i have always banished those thoughts
and go back to him no matter what..

when he left klearcut earlier this year
i thought i shall move on and visit another place
but my "bond" with him was so strong
I followed him to his new workplace

its a quiet corner of orchard
at a rather run down shop in cuppage plaza
where its only him n his lady boss
tending to the little hair shop
but it was with him
that i felt comfortable
and that my hair was in good hands
and i'm paying for a great value

Zen may be just 2 years older than me
but he miraculously brightens up my dull look each time
and adds boomz to my hair
and a smile to my face

after that one visit to this "new" place in june
i thought i wud nv return
hahahaha..
because it just didn't fit my stature..

but i missed him so..
he's like a friend
his warmth
his character
those 1 hour interactive sessions once in a long while
for the past 3 years..

it was by chance that i looked for him on facebook 3 days ago
when my hair alarm rang once again
or that i feel hiao to have a new do
and i popped down today
when i entered the building
i question myself why? why i come this place to cut my hair?
the answer was simple: my friend, Zen..

the relationship from stylist and client has evolved
we are friends with that special touch..

and one of the first few opening sentence was:
This might be the last time i'm cutting your hair for you.
I felt the tinge of bitterness
he then told me that he was returning to JB later this month
to venture out and with his friends,
open a salon of his own.
i felt happy for him..

although I do not know if i can go visit him
and receive his treatment again..
(i certainly do hope so.. if i have the time)
i could sense during our conversation
how much he wish i would continue patronising him
despite the distance..

the conversation drifted from one which was sad
and it being the last hair cut..
into a more cordial one
where i shared with him about my life in the last three months
since i saw him
and the trends i picked up
and my possible design business venture..
and into him hoping that i will go over
and we can continue this special friendship..

Ken Hirai's over emotional Ken's Bar album was playing in the background
and the both of us spoke with a little tear oozing out somehow

when the job was done
and i had my new do
getting a little wash
and his nimble little amazing hands running thru
my hair to give it the brilliant style with wax
i can't help but reflect on the wonderful hairstyles he has helped
me create.. and the confidence i had each time..

then it was as if we were separating into worlds of drastic unknown
not known if i will meet him again..
he gave me his mobile back in m'sia
and i greeted him with that smile of mine
and somehow an affirmation that if possible
i'll go over for a visit..
little notes of how to manage
and what style i might want to create next..
then we parted..
wishing each other the best
and hoping to see one another again..

in 2 month's time,
perhaps
i would venture out into another salon and finally
without guilt,
look for another stylist
but somehow
somehow
i feel that i will take a chance in the near future
and visit him
a friend..

thank you for many wonderful hairstyles
and memories,
my dear stylist friend
Zen..

may you have a great career in front of you
and successes overflowing.. :)

:: reflections | songs that fills me ::

Here we are
once again
at the end of a month
at a time of reflections
and a time to look forward
to yet another exciting, challenge filled month ahead..

the end of august also meant that i ended my first semester in NP
and boy, what a ride it was
i have made friends which i really enjoy being with and talking to
and friends where i can hang out with and have big dreams with
i've learnt, i hope, to handle stress a little better than previously
and also learnt many many new skills

now as we wait for the results
what I can do is to prepare for my expedition too Vietnam in mid sept
where i get to make friends and interact with the kids at the orphanages and day care
and extend my little warmth to them
as well experience it first hand
the many challenges in life others face.

looking back at August..
there has been music and lyrics that kept sticking to me..
great albums that lift me
and not forgetting our National Day Parade, the Pledge moment,
my 21km Singapore Bay Run Army Half Marathon Challenge
tanning sessions and dragon boat rowing
the many friends i've made
a race along Singapore's special places in the OutRace
and many many more fun filled moments..

i shall close this months with songs, music and lyrics that ring that special bell in me...

:: Khalil Fong "Timeless" Collection ::
this is a great laid back album i believe many would enjoy..
he re-interpreted some great tracks by music's legends
and gave a new feel to them
which u will fall in love with.. i particularly like these tracks,
and the emotions brought thru is powerful
either thru lyrics or Khalil's vocals..

La Bamba:

Para bailar la bamba,
Para bailar la bamba,
Se necesita una poca de gracia.
Una poca de gracia pa mi pa ti.
Ay Arriba ay arriba
Ay arriba ay arriba,
por ti sere,Por ti sere.
Por ti sere.

Yo no soy marinero.
Yo no soy marinero, soy capitan.
Soy capitan. Soy capitan.
Bamba Bamba, Bamba Bamba,
Bamba Bamba, Bamba.

:: Red Bean ::

还没好好的感受 雪花绽放的气候
我们一起颤抖 会更明白 什么是温柔
还没跟你牵着手 走过荒芜的沙丘
可能从此以后 学会珍惜 天长和地久

有时候 有时候 我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开 都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我 有时候 宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透 也许你会陪我看细水长流

还没为你把红豆 熬成缠绵的伤口
然后一起分享 会更明白 相思的哀愁

还没好好的感受 醒着亲吻的温柔
可能在我左右 你才追求 孤独的自由

有时候 有时候 我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开 都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我 有时候 宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透 也许你会陪我看细水长流

有时候 有时候 我会相信一切有尽头
相聚离开 都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽

可是我 有时候 宁愿选择留恋不放手
等到风景都看透 也许你会陪我看细水长流

:: Remember ::

谁还记得 是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起 走到最后

我们都忘了 这条路走了多久
心中是清楚的 有一天 有一天都会停的
让时间说真话 虽然我也害怕
在天黑了以后 我们都不知道 会不会有遗憾

谁还记得 是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起走到最后

我们都累了 却没办法往回走
两颗心都迷惑 怎么说 怎么说都没有救
亲爱的为什么 也许你也不懂
两个相爱的人 等着对方先说 找分开的理由

谁还记得 爱情开始 化的时候
我和你的眼中 看见了 不同的天空
走的太远 终于走到 分岔路的路口
是不是你和我 要有两个 相反的梦

谁还记得 是谁先说 永远的爱我
以前的一句话 是我们以后的伤口
过了太久 没人记得 当初那些温柔
我和你手牵手 说要一起 走到最后
我和你手牵手 说要一起 走到最后

:: chee meng and chun keow ::

a song at MayDay concert whcih i enjoy very much each time, amongst many many others that i love as well!!!

志明真正不知要按怎
为什么爱人不愿阁再相偎
春娇已经早就无在听
讲这多其实拢总拢无卡抓
走到淡水的海岸
两个人的爱情
已经无人看已经无人听
啊我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
到这冻止 也免爱我
我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
麦阁伤心 麦阁我这爱你你不爱我

志明心情有影寒
风这大你也真正拢没心肝
春娇你哪无要和我播这出电影
咱就走到这位准底煞
走到淡水的海岸两个人的爱情
已经无人看已经无人听啊
我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
到这冻止你也免爱我
我跟你最好就到
这你对我已经没感觉
麦阁伤心麦阁我这爱你你不爱我
走到淡水的海岸
两个人的爱情
已经无人看已经无人听
啊我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
到这冻止你也免爱我
我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
麦阁伤心麦阁我这爱你你不爱我
我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
这冻止你也免爱我
我跟你最好就到这
你对我已经没感觉
麦阁伤心麦阁我这爱你你不爱我

:: Little Sun ::

I've been trying hard the whole day to remember if they sang this song during the concert.. but can't seem to remember..
it was the "theme song" for last year's concert.. haha..

多么难忘
是你纯真的模样
突然的吻弥漫着茶香
多么向往
梦想总是在他方
你说等我不管多漫长

你就是太阳
蒸发了彷徨
所以挖开土壤
种下希望
离开了故乡
看着你的眼眶
忍着泪闪着光
我会很快回来
继续我们未完的天堂
看着你的脸庞
微笑着要我去闯
你的盼望是我握在手中
小小的太阳

念念不忘
此刻应该是农忙
如画风光有你在歌唱

你就是太阳
照亮了方向
你让地球旋转月亮发光
让我有翅膀
看着你的眼眶
忍着泪闪着光
我会很快回来继续我们未完的天堂
看着你的脸庞
微笑着要我去闯
你的盼望是我握在手中
小小的太阳

看着你的眼眶
忍着泪闪着光
我会很快回来
继续我们未完的天堂
看着你的脸庞
微笑着要我去闯
你的盼望是我握在手中
小小的太阳

看着你的眼眶
忍着泪闪着光
我会很快回来继续我们未完的天堂
看着你的脸庞
微笑着要我去闯
你的盼望是我握在手中
小小的太阳 oh~~

aiya.. got alot more songs.. another time ba.. hahahaha

:: gaining ground ::

I like it when i feel relaxed, at ease.
I don't like it when i feel lost.

I like it when I sit on a dragonboat and rowing away..
I don't like it when I feel stressed doing, well, nothing in exact.

I like it when I am amidst the process of completing a project.
I don't like it when I am stuck with nothing and think of what to do.. waiting..

I like it when I am feeling grounded, doing things as supposed.
I don't like it when i feel guilty of not doing things i'm suppose to do.

I enjoy every moment of life, probably too relaxed
I don't like it when I feel not serious
and when I feel i'm going nowhere.

I believe I am going somewhere.. now..
in the midst..
enjoying myself..

I want to do so many things..
but there's a limit to what I can achieve.
So maybe I shall not be an overachiever..
and be the one who I really am
don't care about who says what
and what others can do but i can't..

this might be a long and tedious process
a long and tedious challenge within myself and with this world..

where do i have the time to relax?

I need to allocate time better
to be myself.
sleep less
and enjoy each moment I have each day with myself and the world around me..

keep more time to maximising my life!
stop wasting time in sleeping n slacking and doing rubbish..
live and love and be free!

:: The Answer Is... ::

Just returned from stefanie's concert..
and it did make me think quite a bit..

been a rather hectic day,
attended a cooking class in the morning which I thought was rather "fei4"..
then went to dragon boating again..
felt good, although it can be a little tiring..
everyone has a passion
and weirdly, i seem to really want to get aquainted with watersport..
well well..
so back to kallang on saturdays, will be more positive, make friends..
and enjoy my saturday workouts + fun session + tanning session!!

The highlight of the day had to be Stefanie Sun Yanzi's 2009 world tour..
"The Answer Is.."
I am truly blown away by the show, completely!
it was awesome to the max, especially the STAGE!
its the most amazing stage I've seen in my entire concert watching life..
the show was so well planned, with the diamond cut background setting,
and endless changes..
It was a grand style concert I have never seen before!
and the costumes..
it made Stef shine like a confident, mature, radiant lady..


but i must still talk about the stage..
the many transformations and "ji guans" it has is simply amazing..
with just plain white light, it looks rather ordinary..
but when the strobe lighting comes on.. whoa!! tan4 wei2 guan1 zhi3 la!!
the whole lighting on the wonderfully down holed stage backdrop transformed the audience
into another fascinating world.. no bluff wor!
the different raisers and platforms were amazing..
the piano playing section was magnificent..
as stef "floated" in in a moving "cloud.." beautiful!
when it was near the ending.. the "rocks" by the side
was uncovered to reveal the great band who was working "backstage" throughout!

it was the best show I've watched..

the only gruntle i have was that there were not enough fast songs to get the audience standing on thier feet.. although i enjoyed all the songs..
i particularly did not really enjoy "green light" due to its arrangement.. abit la...

the final part when the stage extension moved out and rotated was another highlight..
and also when the image of her projected on a screen singing..

all these has to be experienced live at SIS for one to admire the whole beauty la!
seriously!

the title "The Answer Is.." was very cleverly brought out through the different segments..
but mainly, the key idea was that one should do whatever he/she wants to..
without much restrictions.. enjoying one's every moment, appreciating what he/she has..
that is the Happiness.. and that is the answer.. to life's never ending question..

I was inspired.. to take everything in my way..
to plan my daily live properly
to not waste any more time
and to try spending wisely from now on..
be a man that can be trusted and be a man of dignity..
excel in everything
at least attempt them..
don't give empty promises..
or dream too far out..
be realistic in the goals i set
and achieve them!

Be myself and be happy..
I hope that is the answer to my life's neverending question
and yours too!

:: I'm Back! ::

Hello everyone,

As time past, I really wonder who are the ones who do pop by my blog once in awhile
who really bother's readin my blog to know who I am and how i'm doing
or any interesting stuffs I've been up to in the days before..

well
I think I've let many friends who followed my blog down..
my blogging have drastically decreased in recent times
especially since my birthday tt time
My sincerest apologies..

well, just a few updates..

Its the end of week 11 at CMC in NP
and the assignments are beggining to pile up..
poster design.. photography portfolio..
psychology projects...
design portfolios...
film project... study into mass communication, effects and components..
chinese writings... my CCA at OurVoiceBox.sg..
preparation for Danny Yeo's
lessons and tests in presentation
(i'm gonna teach my class Mambo dance moves.. haha, researching it now!)

and it gets really stressful.. as much I have tried to do my job on time
however.. it always seem impossible.. oops.. end up doing many last minute works since..
I shall change that!

really need a good break and go out with my close friends..
prolly for a holiday
never done that before..
i still very very much look forward to going Taiwan..
that is my biggest dream!
wonder if it will happen this year...????

My injuries have been improving, even though I did nothing to it..
and will be back in action in July.. this month..
I'm getting geared up for writing another play in 24 hours on 18-19july at marina barrage..
and I'll be getting back to dragonboating as a form to train up and get a tan.. LOL!
as soon as.. next week! cannot be lazy anymore.. its time!
will be watching Sun Yanzi's concert on 11th July as well..

gave up my chance to be NDP Usher this year because I think I can't cope with my work
and the training period got me a little bit down, because those weeks were really tight
with projects and tests due then..
so, no NDP this year, But I still look forward to catching it on TV!!
(unless friends want to meet up for dinner on tt day la)

Oh ya!
I'm also really excited as plans are in place for my primary school friends to meet up sometime in August! can you believe it? my primary school friends whom imany i've not met for a good 10 years.. and its all due to the power of facebook, that we have the chance of getting back...

our proposed meeting for chestnut 4A got stalled along the way.. people are just too busy when they grow up la! hope to meet those long lost friends from chestnuts too!

well, after this ssemester, I'll be heading down to Vietnam for a youth expedition project..
really looking forward to it
might be a life-changing experience! gotta start planning for it soon..
(i'm a project leader for a self-esteem lesson for the poor children over there.. omg, how??)

With lofty ambitions to start my own fashion and lifestyle magazine is still fresh in my mind as ever
I need collaborators la! anyone who might read this and keen in helping my kick start this,
either just by a blog then move from there
or got lobang help me learn how to establish or handle such a magazine..
do get to me ya! haha!

on a sidenote
this new idea came to my mind during a lesson sometime tis week..
prolly cause I was having lesson for visual comm (film)
I thought that if I were not to be able to get good enough results to enter university
(for that I mean NUS FASS/SMU Social Science/NTU HSS or WKWSCI)
I might as well now use my knowledge and my passion in creative things
built up a nice portfolio in design and film and photography..
and hope pursue a degree in NTU ADM Art Design Media.. in film or photography..
orh.. the days in NTU CAC, Epiphany, Hall 4... orh.. i miss my NTU days!!
(mayb NUS is fun.. LOL!)

alright.. thats just a short update on what's been happening in my life..
promise to update more often..

(ps, do check out my other blog too for random updates on life notes and other interesting ideas.. go to: mrisaac's livejournal)

:: moving on ::

I thought to myself as I was my loooong bus and train ride home
and I really happy?
wat really makes me happy?
i think these days of "waste"
and letting time dwindle away are certainly not the ingredients to happiness.

I need to challenge myself somehow
to step out of my comfort zone
and not be the lazy bum I have been all these 23 years

studying is about working hard to pursue your ultimate dreams
slacking and waiting for something to happen
you will probably pass
but thats by a stroke of luck

i have walked several wrong paths in my life
and enjoyed quite a bit of luxury already
why do i keep insisting on such a lifestyle?

so many times,
i've told myself that i've to buck up.
but more than ever
its said not done
i'm still in my comfort zone
sleeping.. going out, doing aimless things

change? where?
in attitude
in thinking
for a better life

there are so many things i need to change
to be better in behavious
stop putting aeroplanes
be a man of my words
stop making empty promises
don't over indulge in the good things that happen by
think before making a purchase, whether it's necessary
be sure of wat i can do before committing myself
then commit myself fully to it
try and really spend all your available time to my commitment
be a better boy
a boy that can be trusted
and can be a role model for people.

move on.

:: 困 ::

被捆绑住的感觉真的很不好受。
当你神经紧绷的时候
你盼望的是自由

奇怪的是
当你太过自由
却似乎失去了原有的自我控制
这时候 感觉无助、彷徨、害怕
因为失去了的 找不回
错过的机会 不会回头
浪费掉的时间 不可能倒转
世界只会继续旋转

困
困惑
困难

戒 解 接 借
戒掉坏习惯
解开绷住的线
接开前路的门槛
借用世界的时间与机会

我不要在让生命控制我了

我要掌控我的一切
现在～未来～

:: drained ::

I feel drained
physically and mentally
especially mentally
out of creativity
out of ideas
practically feeling that there's no more space in my mind.

Once again,
I seem out of control of my own life
I am letting my studies and projects take control instead
and on the free times I have
I sleep..
because I am so deprived of it.

I have no social life,
almost zero.
I am not going out and enjoying my life as much
as I would like to
I am not seeing the world
and feel left out
desperately..

The world is just running on without me
I am trailing too far behind..
i need to catch up with life
to pursue what I really want
to unleash the creativity hidden within

I need time and control.

:: late night ::

just finished my first chinese essay assignment
which is supposed to be of 1200-1500 words..
amazing but true

guess wat..
i busted it..
final character count?
1899..
but well
i would say tt includes a section of lyrics of a sunyanzi song which is approx 150 char
so that does not count
plus an average of 10% of commas and fullstops..
makes it around 1500 la hor..

thats the thing
when u dun have something to start with
you worry
and when u start writing, you have so many descriptions you want to add in
and you might think very far how to develop the writing
then in the middle
you feel juxtaposed
if you want to carry on writing, when should you stop
and how shud it be developed?
will I be able to hit the word limit?

then when you get near the upper limit
you have even more things to write
then shit!
you fly past the upper limit and
pray no one notices that you have flown thru the roof

well
i managed to write my essay and re read it through
and though it still feels farny at some part

i find this essay really interesting
especially since its partially true
though mostly made up
(stop fantasizing, isaac!)

if there's a chance,
i'll post it up here.
though i think no one will be interested to read

those who really want, can always ask me for a soft copy..
haha.. for pleasure reading and let your imagination run wild!

LOL!

oh! wat am i doing here at this time,
its almost 3am!

(oh ya, lying on bed while writing essay has caused my back to be a little pain..
ominous sign tt i shud not go cheerleading practive tmr?? hmm...)

:: enjoy the present ::

Vietnamese Buddhist monk and philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh

Writes about enjoy a good cup of tea.

You must be completely awake in the present to enjoy the tea.

Only in the awareness of the present can your hands feel the warmth of the cup.

Only in the present can you savor the aroma, taste the sweetness, appreciate the delicacy.

If you are ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, you will completely

Miss the experience of enjoying the cup of tea.

You will look down at the cup, and the tea will be gone.

Life is like that.

If you are not fully in the present, you will look around and it will be gone.

You will have missed the feel, the aroma, the delicacy and beauty of life.

It will seem to be speeding past you.

The past is finished.Learn from it and let it go.

The future is not even here yet.

Plan for it, but do not waste your time worrying about it.

Worrying is worthless.

When you stop ruminating about what has already happened,

When you stop worrying about what might never happen,

Then you will be in the present moment.

Then you will begin to experience joy in life.

(from Only Love Is Real, by Dr Brian Weiss)

I was tanning by the pool with dearie when he read out this section.

It wasn't something that I have not read before.

But reading it again from this perspective gave me insight.

I reflect too much, and in this process could have been

Stuck too long in the quagmire of the past.

Perhaps it is time to fully focus on the happy present.

Make the best of it, and cherish it.

:: 600 ::

Its been sooo long since my last post!
At least its been freaking long since i wrote a proper post with regards to how i'm doing.. well well..
life has been pretty exciting, but tiring as well.. not sure how some things will turn up as, but there are already some disappointments..

CCA wise, i failed to get ino baracuda batucada, which is quite sad..
magnum force training just started, but its quite straineous, not sure if i can cope..
there's drama but i'm not v keen, mayb i've had quite enuff of it..
and then there's ovb n chinese soc? not v sure though..
but i now wish to concentrate on my studies, really.. even though i said the last time i must jiayou, but week 4 le, i still quite "diao er lang dang".. no good no good!

mayb not having a cca, i can concentrate on my studies, but hor, will b so boring right? hmm..

anyways, in terms of school, i'm really busy le lo..
every week seems so short
with sooooo many projects to do and so many assignments starting to pile up in the back too..
its especially scary!!

my friends are cool though.... and seemingly acceptable to me..
haha..
they are, well, rather innocent people, not yet tainted by the cruelties of this world.
so i can still feel very safe talking to them.. haha!

my other friends wise, well, we had a gathering with the chestnuts last weekend..
which was, what i'll say as zhongguizhongju, ok lo.. but hope the next time we can have more fun,
and make sure every body is HAPPY! as happy as attending my Happy! Party! LOL!

isn't it amazing how life is?
we plan so many things to happen like the way we want it to
but most of them time they fall flat
or an event just goes past and there seems to be things you planned to do but did not accompolish?
i guess that is just life, la.

instead of setting millions of aims,
we should take a step back and look at our life sometimes
is this really the path we want to take?
(no matter big or small decisions)
where should we really rest?
are we doing things on impulse?
where are we heading to?
is this something we will really be happy for?
why are we here?
there are a million of such questions
often left unanswered.

the next time when you meet me
please tell me
that wat we eat or drink or am at is not important
what is more important is that you and me are still good friends
and that we have not "mi shi fang xiang"
we know wat we are doing and are on our way to a blessed life.

it is not easy,
but we need to know if
we are happy.

just like W and I
i feel we are happy
because we can't always be the "perfect" couple.
there are the many imperfections in our relationship which we need to improve
there are the unhappy times that we whish never occured.
there are many things i wish i can tell everyone how much i feel the love.
there has been so many occurings that i dun know which one to share.
the sweet notings
the endless love n sex n kisses
the feeling is deep inside....

just like special friends.
they are always there for you
you know it
and thank god for it.
vinc.. thank you are your mere existance.
we had our "4 years" annivesary for something dumb a few days ago..
it was the day, 4 yrs back,
when i told him about what i really amd and he told me his feelings about tt.
it was farny
no idea why we would commemorate such a day.
now he has someone else he likes, who is soo gdi cute la..(i'm jealous)
i feel happy for him
though deep inside
i feel bad for "converting him" like i always said.
haha. some ppl say, you can't change a person, if he is queer, he IS queer.. well well..

anyway.. so much on my current thoughts and a round up of my messy stage of life now..
i feel really happy though..
there are little percents of unhappiness, grouch, confusion and other terrible feelings
but i shall always try to forget them
and lead a simplistic life and enjoy!
happiness to me and all my friends
and some random ppl who comes to read my blog.

this is my 600th post on Absolutmilo!! WOW!!
to the many 100s more of interesting post to come..
at this place where i share my life, my thoughts, my rants and my creative juices.
happy 600th post!