:: exams and a good new year ::

1. exams are tomorrow. i feel... ill prepared.. oh my!

2. the past week, i've met people who are all too serious about life, it scares me. or maybe its just my live and let live attitude that makes me worried.. not too sure if i'm worried about myself or for others..

3. i realised that results are of utmost importance to me. but more often than not, i give up halfway. its bad, i know, but its like a nature to me. wrong wrong mentality that i must change.

4. new year was okay. nothing special. like what gregagoogoo says, quarter-life crisis. how to get out of this rat race and impossible life woth a million thoughts but with none fulfilled? what do i really want? lost...

5. switching tracks are what i keep thinking of. at this age, how many more times can i do that? can't keep rellying on my mum already..

6. as i write this post, my heart really feels hard and thumping. tsk tsk. emotional. so emotional that i could cry. gotta work hard!

7. just went to bai taisui earlier in the afternoon. first time i went. eye opening experience. i'm not a religious person, but since "tigers" crash with a certain god almost every other year, and my life hasn't been exactly that smooth every now and then, maybe a little contribution and chants might help. for a smooth life and some peace and happiness...

8. been sick for the longest time. my nose is constantly producing mucus, at many times, it is thick and has a bad smell. i wonder what is wrong.

9. thoughts cram my head and i've been having terrible headaches the past few days. many many things to do.

10. i have the time. but i seem to be wasting. i have no goals to myself. needs a change of attitude, fast.

11. coordinating the photoshoot isn't easy. blame it on myself. hope it will go smoothly. and when the shoot is done, i'm just awaiting for the launch. its exciting. my friends.. check out: http://purewiz.livejournal.com  and join the mailing list. can't wait to show u all the clothes! yay!

12. hope to get the part time job. keep me occupied for awhile and have fun:) been wanting this job for the longest time.. :)

13. anyone knows of ppl who can do tailoring/sewing of delicate designs and at reasonable prices? needs help urgently. call/sms/email me!

14. love. :) loved.

15. sharing a line: be sincere in the things you do, then even if you fail, at least you know you did right.

hope for the best in my exams and all that i do...!!!

:: the answer is.. what again? ::

1. I'm madly into concerts.. or should I say, too many people are coming for concert.. no.. too many great singers are coming down for concert..

2. 17 April is the clash of the mandopop bands.. SHE vs MayDay... i prefer the latter.. so.. see all at Padang for a repeat of their runaway sold out successful concert from last year..

3. then there's news tt another runaway sold out successful concert last year will be back.. in less than 2 weeks.. yes.. Stefanie Sun is bringing in a "golden lunar new year edition" of her hit "The answer is..." world tour back to Singapore, and holding it at Resorts World Sentosa.. the first chinese singer to perform there, mind you... and oh, we sooooo miss stef!

4. why am i watching concerts that i've watched once? coz they are real good, i guess...

5. but i'm not splurging like i did on Amit's concert.. bleah.. $121 for each of these two is enough to make me broke..

6. then there's Jam Hsiao and Sammi Cheng.. one vocal powerhouse and his first concert, another being cantopop's brightest showgirl on Singapore stage after years of absence.. well well.. i think i should go watch.. maybe after new year and when i've spare cash after planning for the 24th bday party.. hehe!

7. time flies.. the sem is coming to an end, and i've not found the answer to many things.. contemplative of quitting and pursuing something i should.. like.. a.........

8. LNY is like.. next week, and altho i kinda feel the hype, i'm too busy piled up under my homework, i can't seem to be bothered. it doesn't help tt there's exams after the LNY break..

9. but have cleared some modules le.. translation n feature report writings done.. and will be done with webdesign n writ comm next.. hopefully radio prod will conclude this coming week too.. then its a good break before the exams..

10. don't know what to look forward to.. coz the tees are not ready, and i'm quite dead with fashionisiac.. oh no.. need to keep my passion alive and get something going..

11. LNY clothes.. din buy much.. ok.. none.. coz i realise tt my clothes in the past year has over piled.. and i kinda forgotten to budget for new clothes.. and no time too.. too busy with assignments.. and love..

12. when caishenye meets cupid.. caishenye comes first.. oh.. forgot to mention.. caishenye comes onli once, my cupid acts like a caishenye on most other days.. :) hehe.. <3

:: one end ::

One end spells the start of another story
I don't feel down.
I feel happy.
Because I have experienced it before.
And I have no regret.
At least I know this person.
And that we are not meant for each other.
Adapting is tough.
We were good friends.
We will be even better friends now.
We've seen too much of each other.
ANd to treasure one another as friends. Solemates. BFFs.
Just not as lovers.
Maybe another type of love we share.

Be happy:)

:: thinking back on these few days ::

I am tired.. very tired.. but I do not know why..

1. E-learning weeks are one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Very busy.

2. I feel lost in a weird way. Not knowing what I should do or where I am. I need positioning.

3. I seem overly pursuing something way out of my task. Why am I not studying and working hard on projects.

4. I overspent. Period.

5. Too busy. Far too busy with all the camps, ambassador, shopping, designing for label. Lost sight of target, again.

6. VOX! New Media Camp is, well, not tt exciting and fun. The school I'm attached to (JSS) is erm.. i've got too many negative things to comment. So shall stop. Overall, its a eat n eat camp. Hah!

7. Look forward to making new friends and interacting with hte kids at Arts Biz Camp tmr n thurs. :)

8. Who are my friends? I seem to not know. Blurred. Bad! Weird sensation lik how it was between me and zhiwei in the past is back. I treasure you as one of my bestie. Really.

9. Not focusing on my schoolwork. I really need to buck up. Almost half way through. I can't get last sem's results anymore. It was a wake up call to work harder if I want to go back to Pulau NTU again.

10. Visions blurred. Is dressing up and friends and friendships and joking partners more important? Is shopping important?

11. Alot on my mind. New start of a relationship. With guilt no less. Its happening to me once and over again. Izts bad. But is this the norm? Hope not. I need to settle down. Not young anymore.. What is the meaning to this? I seems to not know. Sad.

:: thinking through things ::

I sit down
looking through my stuffs
and thinking through the many happenings
that has happened during this holidays
and as i plan for the next week or so
and for the new semester..

Love:
its a complicated thing
between 2 persons
even more so between 2 guys
especially between 2 people who are so different
in many ways
yet sharing the same passion in life
and in this real world
real things happen
and feelings get tweaked

there's too much between us
and around us
for me not to feel tired
but because we love each other so much
we are able to look past these things
and appreciate each other
forget about the flaws
forgive one and others' misdemeanors
and love on like nothing happened..
i wish
this will stay on..
and on..

was at a class chalet i spearheaded
and am I glad that although the turnout was small
but we had fun
and bonded well
i had a chance to bond with the people were going to
be in the same class as me
and we talked also about many things
about class
about life
it was..
nice:)

attended BBE YEC's first meeting..
was a nice session selecting the committee
and the various office bearers..
there's going to be a lot to learn from
being a grassroots leader
in this youth group
and i look forward to working with this dynamic bunch of people
from different walks to life
to organise events for my constituency
and making friends in my neighbourhood
btw..
after little rounds of "elections" and "votings"
i am part of the sports and wellness team,
as well as the New Media and Publicity Secretary..
interesting..
as i hope to hone my skills in design and publication
doing publicity works and such
as well as maintaining good new media health
in the group.
might be able to apply wat i learn from webby design in the new sem..

currently out of dragonboating for awhile
because since i left for vietnam till now
my weekends are all jam packed
so..
no river regatta and db trainings for me this half year..:(

as for my new style in the new sem
i've decided
that i should be a fashion boy like i've always targetted
and go all out in dressing everyday
i've bought a big new collection for this sem
and hope to create new styles that will blow ppl's mind
and upping my own style quotient
to go well with my new fashion blog i plan for next year
as well as our little designing tees business:)
my great clothes collection from uniqlo n topman n river island n g2000
all waiting for me:)

that also brings me to another point..
i'm broke
and my lines are cut off temporary again..
i need to get a work
and try to pay off things for myself..
i dun noe how long more i can sustain a lifestyle like tt
without working
and i feel bad when i swipe the card each time..
well well..
any good job offers to fit my timetable?

and fitness calls..
i need to get a healthy lifestyle
gym n swim.,.
alot alot alot next sem..
loose weight!
with determination and sheer spirit.
i believe!!

alot in my mind
weighing me down..
if u don't see me smile so much
u understand
i've too much load
going through too much
i only hope to do my best in each section
and excel!

for now
i think i need to concentrate and enjoy whatever i have

HMS leadership camp from mon-thurs..
well well..
looking for other commitments..
and also job+money:)

:: my stylist friend ::

Weirdly
It feels my heart with that awkward tinge
when I saw my hairstylist today

At first,
I had the heart and thought of "betraying" him
to visit another hair salon to do up my hair
and it wasn't the very first time
such thoughts have always risen
each time the bell rings for a haircut
but i have always banished those thoughts
and go back to him no matter what..

when he left klearcut earlier this year
i thought i shall move on and visit another place
but my "bond" with him was so strong
I followed him to his new workplace

its a quiet corner of orchard
at a rather run down shop in cuppage plaza
where its only him n his lady boss
tending to the little hair shop
but it was with him
that i felt comfortable
and that my hair was in good hands
and i'm paying for a great value

Zen may be just 2 years older than me
but he miraculously brightens up my dull look each time
and adds boomz to my hair
and a smile to my face

after that one visit to this "new" place in june
i thought i wud nv return
hahahaha..
because it just didn't fit my stature..

but i missed him so..
he's like a friend
his warmth
his character
those 1 hour interactive sessions once in a long while
for the past 3 years..

it was by chance that i looked for him on facebook 3 days ago
when my hair alarm rang once again
or that i feel hiao to have a new do
and i popped down today
when i entered the building
i question myself why? why i come this place to cut my hair?
the answer was simple: my friend, Zen..

the relationship from stylist and client has evolved
we are friends with that special touch..

and one of the first few opening sentence was:
This might be the last time i'm cutting your hair for you.
I felt the tinge of bitterness
he then told me that he was returning to JB later this month
to venture out and with his friends,
open a salon of his own.
i felt happy for him..

although I do not know if i can go visit him
and receive his treatment again..
(i certainly do hope so.. if i have the time)
i could sense during our conversation
how much he wish i would continue patronising him
despite the distance..

the conversation drifted from one which was sad
and it being the last hair cut..
into a more cordial one
where i shared with him about my life in the last three months
since i saw him
and the trends i picked up
and my possible design business venture..
and into him hoping that i will go over
and we can continue this special friendship..

Ken Hirai's over emotional Ken's Bar album was playing in the background
and the both of us spoke with a little tear oozing out somehow

when the job was done
and i had my new do
getting a little wash
and his nimble little amazing hands running thru
my hair to give it the brilliant style with wax
i can't help but reflect on the wonderful hairstyles he has helped
me create.. and the confidence i had each time..

then it was as if we were separating into worlds of drastic unknown
not known if i will meet him again..
he gave me his mobile back in m'sia
and i greeted him with that smile of mine
and somehow an affirmation that if possible
i'll go over for a visit..
little notes of how to manage
and what style i might want to create next..
then we parted..
wishing each other the best
and hoping to see one another again..

in 2 month's time,
perhaps
i would venture out into another salon and finally
without guilt,
look for another stylist
but somehow
somehow
i feel that i will take a chance in the near future
and visit him
a friend..

thank you for many wonderful hairstyles
and memories,
my dear stylist friend
Zen..

may you have a great career in front of you
and successes overflowing.. :)

:: Am I? ::

Am I taking on too much
too much more than I can handle?
school, ovb, chinese soc, dragonboat, BBE YEC, designing, trevvy, sgrainbow...
and many many more..
i don't have time
and i am bad at prioritising
i feel lost

like in love
i don't know myself
what I want
i don't know where
I am
i play and slack too much
and play around far too much and put myself in sticky situations

i am neither here nor there
this juxtaposition feels awkward and wrong
the wary feeling after taking on the tasks..
is bad.. sad..

lost.. what am I?
what do i really want?
i am afraid i need someone to help me find myself
and the life I am suppose to lead.

multitask? multitalented?

i am only afriad that I will inevitably drown myself
in a million identities
that all isn't the real me.