Miasmatic Review

Corvettes, Caves and Curves.

The next two days of our trip was spent in the beautiful state of Kentucky. We spent two nights in Bowling Green, home of the greatest car ever made, the Chevrolet Corvette. The family and I spent a couple of hours just touring the National Corvette Museum. If you are a car fan, or just love Corvettes, it’s worth the stop if you are in the area. There was a lot of history about the car and even different displays showing the evolution of Corvettes.

Ktreva had her favorite, the ever so rare Tangier Shrine Corvette Patrol 1962 Vette in Cadillac Royal Heather Amethyst. Only 13 of these cars were built, and one of the only surviving ones is on display at the museum. Now you could say she likes it because it’s a classic, or it looks great… but truth be told it’s because I don’t care what color they say it is, it looks pink and Ktreva likes the color pink.

Me on the other hand stuck with my favorite. They did not have the 1992 Corvette ZR-1, but they did have a couple of the 1991 models, which is close enough. This was the car that I lusted after when I was a senior in High School and through out college. It was the first car I remember actually drooling over.

After the Corvette Museum we took Clone into his first cave, but not just any cave. The Lost River Cave. It’s an underground river that runs through a cave. You get to view the sites by riding in a boat.

I’ve visited numerous caves in my lifetime, but I have never taken an underground boat ride before last week. There was a lot of history to this cave, and we had a good guide that not only liked to talk, but also at least sounded like he knew what he was talking about. Clone also developed an affinity towards caves. This was just the first of three we went into, including Mammoth Cave and Outlaw Cave. If it was up to Clone I’m sure we would have visited many more.

Ktreva had a chance to go horseback riding. Since Clone was too young to go, and I have a strong hatred of horses, we stayed back while she took Boopie out on the open trail. While we were waiting Clone saw a chair lift for an Alpine slide. He didn’t care about the slide; he just wanted to ride the chair. Can you guess what Clone and I got to do, that’s right, ride the chair lift. We also went go-carting and ate ice cream.

When Ktreva and Boopie finished their trail ride, we all went to Guntown Mountain. Which had a Wild West town on top of one a “mountain” (aka really big hill as none of these were actual mountains.) They had a chairlift to get to the top, which of course Clone loved. Maybe it was because we were there in the middle of the week, but it wasn’t that busy. They had some gunfights, a magic show and a couple of other shows they put on. There was a Can-can show that I dragged the family to. Boopie wasn’t all that interested at first, until he saw what it was. Hey pretty girls kicking up their legs showing off their petticoats and stockings are enough to get any teenage boy interested. At the end of the show the girls where selling off their garters if you wanted one. I didn’t buy one because my wife was sitting there with me and I didn’t feel like getting into that kind of trouble. Boopie was too shy to go up and get one, but not Clone. Heck no, he loved it; he went up paid his money and removed a garter from the girl of his choice.

That’s my boy!

We had a lot of fun in Cave Country Kentucky, we spent two days there and where only able to do a handful of the attractions that we would have liked to have done. Including only one of the Mammoth Cave tours. The one tour we took there lasted for four hours and only traversed about three quarters of a mile of this huge cavern.

There is a lot of fun to be had in this region of Kentucky. All of the above attractions where with in 30 minutes of where we stayed, and many of them where in the same town. We enjoyed every minute of our visit there.

Tomorrow I will go into our next part of our trip and my visit to the Holy Land, the Jack Daniels Distillery.

Getting ready for football!

It’s almost August, that means pre-season. Some of you may remember I had an on-line pool run through Yahoo. Well, I’m going to do it again this year. It’s free to join, all you need is a Yahoo account. If you are interested in joining let me know, and I’ll send you an invite. All I need is your e-mail address. If you participated last year, you should have received an invite already. The winner has bragging rights and receives a small prize of nominal cost from me.

Ogre won last year, I’m wondering if he’ll be able to repeat his performance.

It's late.

Awww crap! While I was out adventuring the countryside I missed Tammi’s 29th birthday. Well, since I was out of town, maybe she’ll forgive the late birthday wishes.

Happy Belated Birthday Tammie!

I have returned!

We’ve returned from our whirlwind adventures through Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee and Missouri. The family had a great time. We were able to see a lot of interesting sites, learn new things and have a lot of fun. Over the next couple of days I’ll share with you some photos and stories of all that we did.

We left bright and early Sunday morning for our first destination, Lafayette, Indiana. Our first stop was the Tippecanoe Battlefield. Unlike when Ktreva and I were here last February, the weather was nice enough for us to want to walk the battlefield. Well, it was nice enough for me to make the family walk the battlefield. We walked the entire field. Even parts of it where there were no markers. I didn’t realize that when we started the walk, fortunately we avoided all the poison ivy.

Ktreva, Boopie and Clone in front of the Tippecanoe memorial monument.

After the Battlefield we went to the Wolf Park. Unfortunately our favorite guide was out of town that day. We ended up settling on one of the other guides. Don’t get me wrong, they were good, but it’s always better if you have your favorite. Clone wanted to go play with the “big doggies.” After some convincing that A) They were not doggies 2) The wolves probably did not want to play with him D) The people in the cage had training, he was okay with just looking at the “big doggies” play. We did learn why you don’t have pizza delivered to the park. Apparently the wolves loves them some pizza.

I never realized wolves, like humans, would get lazy and order pizza if they didn’t feel like “cooking”.

They tried to do a feeding demonstration, unfortunately after gorging on pizza, they where only interested in sniffing the deer. In fact one wolf sniffed the deer and looked at the handler like, “What, deer again?”

We also were able to see a wolf and bison demonstration. The park put three wolves in with a herd of bison to so the public could see how they interact. This is when we learned that other then pizza, wolves are the number one predator for Granny Smith apples. There were some times when the wolves would approach the bison, only to be driven off by one of the large adults. A whole pack of wolves versus a sick or young bison is a threat. One wolf versus a full-grown bull is just funny to watch. The boys learned about strength in numbers.

The Great Grey Apple Hunter

It was that night we learned of the sniper shootings on the Indiana interstates. In fact one of them was on the interstate we were traveling on. Great! That’s what we need on our vacation. Traveling with a three year old who hates to ride can be tense enough, throw in the big electric signs along the interstate that read, “WARNING! Report any suspicious activity on overpasses to the police” and the radio warnings didn’t help. Fortunately we come through Indiana with out any new ventilation holes in the van.

Monday morning we went to breakfast with Laughing Wolf, who had made it back to town. It was nice being able to visit with him again. It wasn’t until we were back on the road that we realized that we forgot to get a picture of the family with him. We had meant to get one.

More photos and details of our trip will come later. For those of you that are interested in the supernatural, I have some very interesting photos from the Shiloh Battlefield. Right now it’s just good to be back.

We're outta here!

Suitcases packed, Van loaded, maps sorted, it’s vacation time. First stop, the Wolf Park. Ktreva and I went to Wolf fest this year and met some great people, as well as visiting the park. At the time we decided maybe we’ll bring the boys back sometime, we thought since we are passing right by there, we’re going to stop and see it. Laughing Wolf has been forewarned and has allegedly put the park on lockdown for crazy re-enactor types interested in wolf hides. Do you know what the street value is on them? (I’m kidding, since I wouldn’t think of doing anything like that… for long.) Plus then the boys can see the Tippecanoe battlefield. Boopie spent some time learning about it this year and it we thought it would be nice for him to see where the battle actually took place.

Then it’s off on a weeklong, whirlwind adventure of Kentucky, Tennessee and now Missouri. I’m trying to get a couple of bloggers in those states to come out from their shells, but so far it hasn’t been too promising. I thought the image of a Northerner sweating in the ungodly southern summer heat would be appealing, apparently I was wrong. That’s okay, it appeals to my shy and introverted nature.

I’m going to try to make updates when I can, but no promises.

Education.

Well, Ktreva is off on another whirlwind adventure for work, at least this time she’s only gone one night. Since she was not home I thought it would be a good time to remind the boys about firearm safety, especially since I procured 9 boxes of ammo today.

After locking the ammo in a safe box. It’s rated for ammunition and the only key to it is on my key chain. I explained to the boys again, and yes even Clone, firearm safety. Just because he is three doesn’t mean he should not learn about firearm safety. I’m a firm believer that if you don’t mystify firearms, it takes away the allure of them in children. After about a good hour education process I sent the boys to play while I cooked dinner.

I hadn’t been cooking thirty minutes when Clone comes running into the kitchen. Clone, “Dada, Dada, Brother has a gun.” Thinking that Boopie might be playing with the flintlock rifle I gave him for his birthday I come out of the kitchen, in a hurry. Nope, Boopie’s rifle is right where it should be; Boopie has a toy pistol made of metal that looks similar to my .357 revolver.

I’d say I laughed, but I didn’t. I was proud of Clone. He saw what her perceived as a dangerous situation and quickly went to get an adult. That people is proper gun control. The kind that is up to the parent to teach, not the kind where the government outlaws firearms. Oh, and before you ask, All of my firearms are secured and the ammunition is locked away where the boys can’t get to it. So, unless they bring home ammunition from the Day Care, and figured out how to open the gun cases, they would not be able to hurt anyone with them… well unless they started throwing the cases at each other.

It's better then a flesh wound.

Commenter Petey suggested I try Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale by Black Sheep Bottled Beers. "If you ever see it, try "Monty Python's Holy Ail" from Black Sheep Brewery. It is rather interesting to drink, and just a fun name to say. Worth a try." Petey, what you consider worth a try and what I consider must be two different things.

Let's start with the bottle.

The label has cartoonish drawings on it reminiscent of the Monty Python's Flying Circus. The tag line is "Tempered over burning witches". Funny, but that would explain some things about this beer if it were true. The bottle itself has an interesting leaf and acorn(?) design on it.

I should have known better then trying this beer. I'm not a Monty Python fan, and I've only watched the Holy Grail when I've been drunk. In fact I pretty much dislike Monty Python. Which is a good way to start this review, "In fact I pretty much dislike Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale."

It has a hazy amber coloring to it. Light passes through it, but you can't see what's on the other side of the glass. (This is not necessarily a bad thing; I'm just letting you know what it looks like.) It pours a good head that seems to last. In fact I've been drinking on this beer for 40 minutes and there was still a head on it at the end.

There was a citrus-like aroma to it, with a hint of yeast and hops to it. There is actually a bitter smell to it. (And what the hell is up with all these bitter beers? This is three for three! I'm really getting tired of every beer I drink being a frickin bitter bastich!) Speaking of taste, weak. The first taste isn't bad; very light body to it and soft on the pallet. The original taste is not that bad, but it was weak. Where the bitter comes in is the after-taste. My mouth ended up tasting like it does in the morning after a night of drinking Miller Lite, except it was with in minutes of finishing about a quarter of the beer.

Overall I would rate this beer a 4. It wasn't so bad I won't drink it again, but I definitely won't shell out any of my hard earned cash for it.

Theatiki a bust.

I’ve had enough time to recover to actually tell you about my weekend. Unlike everyone else in Northern Illinois that went to the Ogmeet, I was re-enacting in Bourbonnais, IL. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have gone, but I take my re-enacting very seriously and enjoy it immensely. Ktreva and I always have fun at the Gathering on the Theatiki, so it’s hard to not go.

Friday we arrived to find our friends Will, Red and their daughter, better known as Skye, setting up in the spot next to where we wanted to camp. As it was hotter then all get out, we busted hump to get camp set up. Then we ran into town for dinner and to pick up some supplies. We ate at a restaurant called Coyote Canyon; it’s a steak buffet. The food is decent and reasonably priced. We were sat in a section where the girl clearing the tables looked like she was 16 and 8 months pregnant. She was also the fastest pregnant girl woman on the planet. I would leave the table for three seconds to get something to drink and my plate and flatware would be completely cleared away.

When we got back to camp we were visiting with Will, Red and Skye when another friend of ours, Jim, showed up and set up camp. Great! There is nothing better then re-enacting and being able to camp next to friends. Early on we decided we were not going to dig a fire pit. It was so hot that we didn’t want one, and we had decided we were not going to cook this weekend, so it wasn’t needed. We did have our campfire in a bucket, AKA citronella candle.

Saturday was so hot we spent most of the time sitting around under the shade of a tree talking. Normally I participate in the battle, but I really had no desire to go marching around in 9 yards of dark wool… so I didn’t. During this time it was discovered that Skye has a thing for me. Apparently, realizing I would never leave my beloved Ktreva for her, she went and found a replacement Contagion, A re-enactor from Indiana that also portrays a Scot. It was such a thinly veiled attempt to find herself someone as much like me as possible. All weekend I tried to not lead her on, as I did not return the feelings. However, her young heart knows what it wants and I had to spurn her affections many times. My sexy facial hair was driving her wild.*

The heat on Saturday was so bad that barely any people showed up. Word in camp was that the local news had advised everyone to stay inside if possible, and apparently the public listened. That and I swear the event coordinators are trying to kill this event. Last year they got rid of all the food vendors that truly cater to re-enactors. Fortunately, after much protest, they brought them back. This year it looked like the got rid of a lot of quality vendors and left some that really didn’t need to be there. One of my least favorite vendors attends this event, and they have a lot of crap on their tables all the time. The event coordinators also don’t appear to like variety. They had multiple shops that sold the exact same things, while other vendors that sold unique products weren’t there. I can understand having multiple clothing vendors as they all have different styles and patterned clothes, but did we really need two soap vendors, three wood carvers, and 5 Wallyworld’s of the fur trade. (The discount store of fur trade merchants who sells everything from tourist trinkets and pseudo-Native American junk made in Taiwan, to Pakistani knives to cheap get-you-started period clothing.) There where some quality vendors there, but their numbers were thinning out.

Saturday night was spent again sitting around the “campfire” again telling stories and just enjoying the camaraderie of good friends. Sunday was pretty much a repeat of Saturday, only with a better breeze so we weren’t as hot.

Technically we didn’t get rained on this weekend, but we might as well have. I had wet canvas. It was so humid that before dark, dew had started setting in the grass. By morning when we woke up, you could see the moisture on the inside of the tents and flies. When I stepped under my fly Sunday morning, I thought it was raining. Then I noticed it was the dew dripping off the tent onto me.

We had a good time, despite the fact that my inner organs are well done. What made this event fun was seeing all of our friends and socializing with other re-enactors. If it weren’t for them, this even would have been a bust. The hot temperatures may have had a hand in the lack of public and activities, but I think the event coordinators really did a lot of damage too. At least three times over the weekend some inner squabbling between the committee members was discussed with in earshot of the public and participants. I just hope they get their act together and not drive the event into the ground. If it keeps going this way, I think there will be only three years more before we quit going.

For pictures of this event, check out the Spoon and Blade.

*That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Hair no more.

I finally trimmed my facial hair. This last weekend with it being so hot, I was sweating profusely. My facial hair would trap that sweat. Then when ever I went to eat or drink something it would taste like sweat. I pretty much decided at that point it was gone.

Over the weekend we (meaning I) did have some fun with it. We were camped with some re-enacting friends and all of them where getting skeeved out over the “Vast disgustingness” that was my facial hair. In the mornings I had food that had gravy, Saturday it was biscuits and Gravy and Sunday it was country friend steak and Eggs that had gravy. At one point someone applauded me for grooming my facial hair during my meal. They said they had seen others that would just leave the food in their facial hair; I at least made an attempt to wipe away what was caught in it. I had to explain I was not wiping the food away; I was using my hand to rub it in. That way it would hold the hairs in place and then later I could suck on it to get the flavor. Then I demonstrated by placing my beard in my mouth and sucking on it.

In the afternoon on Saturday I noticed there was something floating in the bottom of my water. I showed it to Red and we both decided that it looked like sugar floating in the bottom of a cup. When I got down to it, I discovered it was flour… from the gravy. It had washed out of my facial hair into the cup. This of course received a collective gag from everyone around me.

I’ve had a lot of fun with it, but it was time to go. That and yesterday was Ktreva’s birthday. She’s 29 Version 7. The only thing she really wanted for her birthday was for me to trim my facial hair. How could I say no?

Although I do have to admit every time over the weekend when someone caught me sucking on it, and they would gag, it made me laugh. Especially when I said, “MMMmmm, Bacon” and the group looked over thinking I was eating bacon only to see my mustache in my mouth.

That's what I call hot.

I’ll write about my weekend later, but first I thought you might enjoys some eye witness first-hand photos of an incident that happened on Interstate-39 just south of Interstate-80 at mile marker 58.

My wife and I were heading back from our re-enactment. Clone didn’t come with to this event; instead he stayed with my sister. She lives in Bloomington and we met halfway between Rockford and Bloomington at a town called Oglesby, we were picking up Clone there. We had just turned off of 80 heading south on 39 when we ran into a traffic jam. GREAT! I love traffic on major highways. It was moving slowly, so at least it wasn’t a stand still. There was a squad car blocking the road directing people to the right line. Then there was another directing people off the road completely, not onto the shoulder, but into the grassy ditch alongside the road. More emergency vehicles where arriving as we waited to get through.

I couldn’t see what had happened at this point. I made the comment that I was glad we were in my truck, because it was better suited for off-roading then Ktreva’s mini-van is. Okay, my truck was built for off-roading. It wasn’t until we got close did I see what happened. Fortunately, the Digital Camera was in the cab of the truck. Ktreva snapped these pictures.

Click to Enlarge

Click to Enlarge

My first thought was, “Holy crap, the concrete buckled from the heat.” Today I called the Illinois Department of Transportation (IDOT) and spoke with a person there regarding the incident. She advised me that the concrete had not buckled, but had exploded from the heat. She explained that buckling takes time to happen. On really hot days, the roadway can expand fast with no release, that when the pressure builds up enough it will literally explode. That is what happened here on 39. She said it happened twice yesterday, once around 1:00 PM and again around 5:00 PM (which is when we drove by).

Based on the time of the incident, we had to have arrived on the seen with in minutes of it happening. That makes me real happy that we didn’t get out of there any sooner. Once we got past the bad pavement there was a line of vehicles from full ton pick up trucks pulling a trailer to Dodge Neons on the shoulder with everything from flat tires to what appeared to be broken axels and radiators. If you look at the pictures you can see it was about a 1 and a half-foot high ridge in the road.

After picking up Clone we had to head back that way. We had stopped to get gas and eat, so it was about an hour later when we drove back. They had road crews there working on it; unfortunately the traffic was still backed up. They were now directing them through the ditch in the median around the bad section of road.

The French are coming! The French are coming?

This weekend will be the one weekend every year that I bypass my moral and ethic of not fighting under a British flag… and fight for the Brits. The truck is loaded, cartridges rolled, jerky ready to be gnawed on, and I’m ready to fight! Theatiki, here we come!

First matter of business to get out of the way, weather. There is a 60% chance of rain on Friday; there is only a 20% chance of rain the rest of the weekend. That’s not too bad. Anyone want to wager that it’s going to rain sometime Saturday or Sunday? I can’t have an event that it doesn’t rain on me! Actually this weekend I’d probably welcome the rain, it is supposed to have a high in the 90’s, low in the 70’s with about 68% humidity. That’s right, it’s going to be ball sticky hot. At this event last year I had a case of heat stroke due to marching in 95-degree weather in dark wool. It would have been improper of a gentleman to take off his waistcoat in public, and since that weekend I was portraying a gentleman (It’s cooler then wearing my hunters frock!), I didn’t dare go improper!

I love this event; I have a lot of fun every year. Unfortunately, if I want to fight in the battle, I have to fight with the Brits. The French and the Indians have such a large contingency at this event that the Brits are outnumbered 3-1. They look for as many people as possible to fight with the Brits. It also doesn’t help that one of the largest British encampments is generally so hung over on Sunday that letting them fight would be like giving a straight razor to a retarded 9 year old. You know someone is going to get hurt.

Plus this event has one of the best battle scenarios I’ve ever done. They have two battles during the day. The first is called “The Woods Walk” They re-enact the battle from Last of the Mohicans when the English are leaving Fort William Henry and are ambushed by the Natives. Except here it’s the public with English guards being attacked by the French and Indians. It’s fun to play in and to just observe. The public gets to be right in the middle of the fighting. No other re-enactment I’ve heard of does that. If you’re in the area of Bourbonnais, IL this weekend and want to check out a little history, I’d recommend the visit just for the first battle.

.45 or .357? BOTH!

We’re getting ready to make our pilgrimage to the holy land, the Jack Daniels Distillery, in just over a week. I’ve been working on this family vacation for a while now. We’re taking a whirlwind tour of Kentucky and Tennessee. We were all set to go. Then last weekend I did something that made me rethink this trip. What did I do? I watched five movies.

But not just any movies, five movies one should not watch before going on the family vacation. The Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, House of Wax, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the granddaddy, worst nightmare of trips gone wrong movies… Deliverance. Watching these movies I made some rules for our upcoming trip.

1) Always stop to get gas before you get below a quarter of a tank. You never know what “helpful” attendant you’ll find when you’re forced to stop and the run down gas station that time and proper repairs has forgot.

2) If you have no choice but to stop at the “Not so friendly” gas station. Don’t take directions or short cut tips from the attendant. No good comes from that.

3) When traveling, stick to roads that are on the official Rand McNally map you own. If you don’t have a map with you, never mind, you should die. What the hell kind of moron goes on a road trip with out a map? Wait… I think we have the answers in the movies listed above.

4) If you are forced to take a road that is not on the map (I can’t figure out why this would happen) and your vehicle breaks down. Walk BACK the way you came. Do not walk in the direction you were heading. Sure the gas station might be a mile ahead, over the hill and around the curve, but then again so could a dead end, flesh eating mutants, psychopaths or homosexual hillbillies. At least going back the way you came you know how far you have to go and that there is something there.

5) Try not to split up from your family and/or friends. Remember there is strength in numbers. Or if you don’t like the people you are traveling with very much, you have distractions. All you have to do is hamstring one of them so you can get away.

6) If you do split up, don’t send your strongest off in one party and leave the weakest by themselves. Think about it, your separating out the weakest, easiest pickings for them. This is exactly what predators want you to do. Darwin has taught us plenty about this practice.

7) If something goes wrong, it’s best to not stop and watch as your now x-friend is being eaten. They died for a reason; so you could escape. Don’t let them die in vain!

8) Panic is your enemy. Screaming, yelling, shouting, crying and overall catatonic states are not going to save your arse from being lunch… or other unpleasant uses.

9) Firearms have limited ammunition. Shooting blindly into the dark or into the air is doing nothing more then wasting ammunition. You’ll be sorry you did that when you go to shoot something right before it gets you and the gun dry fires.

10) If you have a firearm or bow, shoot when you have the best chance of hitting something. IE if you are watching your now x-friend being eaten, shoot then! Don’t watch, then scream, then start to run, then shoot while being chased. You’re chances of hitting are much better if you shoot while you and your target are stationary.

There we go. I think if for some reason you’re traveling and are forced to take a detour on Missing Tourist Highway, you will at least have a fighting chance in hell of getting out of there unmolested if you follow these tips. If you don’t follow them, then I hope they make a movie about your sorry arse. The only thing better then a good zombie movie is tourist-killing movies.

And when you are packing for your trip, the question shouldn’t be, “Do we take the gun or leave it at home.” No, it should be, “How much ammo and spare magazines should I bring.”

Wallyworld is for hookers?

Over at the Conservative UAW Guy he has a post that confirms my own previous observations regarding Wallyworld and posted Wal-martiquette. Where I went off on the drug using crowd, he goes off on the who-are and who-are in training crowd.

And even though it’s satire, I completely and honestly agree with number 5.

5. And now a note to parents: If you dress up your 6 to 15 old girls like hookers, porn stars and Britney Spears, and drag them through Wal-Mart, you should go to prison.

They are not 28.
They're freakin' kids.

Are you actually TRYING to find kidnappers, stalkers, and child molesters by trolling for them with your offspring as bait, or are you just that f**king stupid and amoral.

I’ve seen way too many young girls, or as I’ve taken to calling them “Probate ho-bait” (Probationary hookers in training) walking around showing off their stuff. Well, okay their pre-development stuff. If I had daughters, and thank the powers that be that I don’t, (Boys make trouble, girls bring it home) there is no chance in hell I would let her out of the house dressed anything like that. The last thing I would want is some 48 year old balding virgin sitting in his bathroom rubbing one off to the mental image of my 12 year old daughter. Apparently some people like the thought of their daughters as cock-candy.

I'm not just any arsehole!

Okay, I did the task that was assigned to me. T1G is currently passed out in the other room sleeping off a rather nasty concoction of Beer, Hard Liquour, Football, and hot wings. It's his birthday, what else was I supposed to do? May god had mercy on his soul. All Tammi told me was, keep him distracted. Well at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

We’re supposed to get T1G something for his birthday he’d like. Well I’m not sure in his present state he could hand the Honeybears.

So I though I would get him this instead. At least he can drink what he makes!

I'm just really hoping he doesn't kick me in the dick when he sobers up to realize he's received a Jack Daniel's enema.

Dating and Facial Hair

Okay, I’ve had quite a few questions regarding A) My Date last night and 2) My Facial Hair. Especially since the two are linked by the fact that Ktreva hates it. Well let me start by saying that if all my dates in High School and College had gone as well as last nights, I’d give Magic Johnson a run for the money.

As for the facial hair, it has been two months. Now, normally when I trim my facial hair I keep it short, about a quarter of an inch. Right now, it is about 1.5 inches long. The beard is longer then the mustache.

Drinking anything out of a glass is difficult. If you watch movies and you see guys with burly facial hair drinking, you will notice that a good portion of the drink runs down their facial hair. In the past I figured it was because they where just sloppy drinkers. Nope, that’s not the case at all. The facial hair acts as a strainer and barrier. Unwanted chunks can’t get past, however there is a certain amount of fluid that is lost down the front of you. I’ve tried different tactics, but nothing prevents this from happening.

Speaking of the straining aspect. I’ve discovered that I can buy a couple of really good beers and make them last all night, especially after I’ve switched to cheap beer. The flavor of the good beer gets saturated into the facial hair and as you strain the cheaper beer through it, it picks up the flavor.

Speaking of flavor! I’ve found that my new facial hair has saved me on purchasing items such as flavored chips. Last Saturday I had been snacking on Doritos early in the day. That evening as I was licking my lips I noticed that all the flavor dust had attached to my mustache. Much like pollen to a bee. I was able to enjoy the flavor of the Doritos with out eating anymore by sucking on my facial hair!

I thought you might want a demonstration so I re-enacted it for you… hey that’s what I do, re-enact.

So as you can see the facial hair is coming in just fine. It’s really taken on the natural red coloring that’s hard to see when it’s short. It’s also the last facial hair on my body that does NOT have gray in it.

Superman did return.

Last Ktreva decided that she wanted to see Superman Returns. Which kind of surprised me, I figured she would have wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean because she has a thing for Orlando Bloom. Normally I don’t write reviews about movies I’ve seen. But I just have to say that this was a good movie.

I had my apprehensions about it, Superman 3 and 4 pretty much made me want to not see anything to do with Superman again. The trailers for Superman Returns made me want to see it. It had a good plot, good action and some great special effects. Brandon Routh, who plays Clark Kent/Superman does an excellent job. He has the mannerisms, speech patterns and facial expressions that are very reminiscent of Christopher Reeve. Who ever decided he was the man for the job, hit the nail on the head. Kevin Spacey owns Lex Luthor. He did a much better job then Gene Hackman. His portrayal of Luthor was not the slapstick bumbler that Hackman did. No, this was an Evil Genius getting his groove on.

As for Kate Bosworth playing Lois Lane, eh… they could have found someone that was a better actress to do the job. I had a hard time believing the inner turmoil in her. She reminded me of a girl I went to High School with. She wanted to be an actress. Every play and musical the school put on, she would try out and get a part in. She was good… for a High School production. In every play she had the same facial expression and same lack of emotion in her dialogue. That and I don’t find Kate Bosworth particularly attractive. I’m not saying she is ugly, I’m just saying she’s not my type.

I’m not going to give away any spoilers, so don’t worry about that. But if you haven’t seen this movie yet, it’s well worth the $10.00 to see it

One thing did irritate me, but it had nothing to do with the movie itself. If I'm paying that kind of money to see a movie I don't want to spend 30 minutes watching commercials and previews. The movie was supposed to start at 6:40PM, but the actual movie didn't start until 7:10. I don't mind previews, but we had commercials for cell phone companies, motor companies, soft drinks, etc. I'm not listing which companies, because I don't want to promote them. It pisses me off that I'm paying to watch commercials. If they want to start showing commercials before the damn movie, start showing them before the supposed "Start Time".

Saturday Humor

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned having recently installed Windows XP on my PC and that I am very happy with this operating system. I also showed him the Windows XP CD, and to my surprise he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned on the oven. Instantly I got very upset, because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.'

After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold to hold and it seemed to be heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but then on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription; an inscription finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C204F6E65204F5320746
F2066696E64207468656D2CDA4F6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64207468656D

'I cannot understand the fiery letters,' I said.

'No,' he said 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:

One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

****
A friend of mine sent this to me. I just had to share it. It's probably old, but it made me snicker.

The sitter is on the way.

For the first time in 18 months I’m taking my wife on an official date. We have a sitter, I’m taking her to a nice restaurant and then I’m taking her to see a movie that she wants to see. It’s been so long since the last time just the two of us went out, it’s almost like it’s a first date.

The best thing is, I’m pretty sure I’m going to score tonight.

Surprise fireworks!

Normally on the Fourth of July we have a big party at our house and invite a bunch of friends over to eat and socialize. This year due to sinking a ton of money into the house in June, we decided to save money and not have the party. In fact we decided not to do much of anything other then have me due some grilling. I picked up a couple of thick pork chops and slowly bar-b-qued them for over an hour. At this point I want to warn all of my southern readers, I did use a bottled bar-b-que sauce. I don’t have the time, patience nor desire to make my own sauce. However, I am always on the lookout for a good bottled one. If you know of any, I’d be more then willing to give them a try.

While the meat was cooking, we set of some totally legal in Illinois fireworks; smoke bombs. Clone had packages and packages of Pop-itz. (The small teardrop shaped pieces of paper that pop when you throw them on the ground). He didn’t quite get the concept at first that they had to hit a hard object to pop, so he was throwing them in the grass and everywhere. After a while he caught on and was having fun making all kinds of noise by throwing the pop-itz around.

Today I discovered that pop-itz and a lawn mower make for an interesting combination. Of course it’s been a couple of weeks since I mowed last. (Yes, I know, don’t even say anything. You’ll only encourage Ktreva.) That means that all kinds of things where hidden in the grass. Like say 5,243,845 pop-itz. With roughly only about three quarters of them popped. I was pushing the mower through the lawn when I heard what sounded like someone running across bubble wrap. It went on for about 20 seconds and then stopped. I couldn’t figure out what it was at first. Then I noticed all the little white pieces of paper mixed in the cuttings. For the next 3 passes of the mower I would get the same effect. Clone must have dumped 10 boxes of the damn things into the grass.

Fun with the boys.

Monday I took the day off of work. I didn’t have a good reason to, other then I just wanted to take the day. I had been taking a lot of days off due to home improvements and the such, and I felt it would be nice to take a relaxing day, one that I didn’t have to do anything or go anywhere if I didn’t want to. Well I wanted to go somewhere. I decided to take the boys to the Burpee Museum of Natural History. It’s a small local museum, but some of you may have heard of it before. It has been in the national scientific spot light for the last couple of years due to a discovery that was made by a research team. In August of 2001 a team from the museum found the fossil remains of a relatively small dinosaur in Montana.

The controversy started with what kind of Dinosaur they had found. Some felt it was an extremely rare (Ie they only have the skull of one other) Nanotyrannus or a juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex (Which is rare in and of itself). After many years of debate (which from what I understand is still on going) it was decided that Jane (What they named the beastie) was in fact a Juvenile T-Rex, 11 years old.

That didn’t subside the excitement around Jane. With roughly 50% of her skeleton preserved, she is the most complete single dinosaur find. Most of the time when we see skeletons in museums they are generally pieced together from different skeletons and have fabricated bones. Scientists from all over the country have come to look at Jane to examine her.

They finished her display last summer, but I have not had a chance to get down there to view her. I had the day alone with Clone and Boopie, Ktreva had to work, so I thought it would be fun to take them to see the dinosaurs. Clone had no idea what I was talking about when I told him where we were going. When we came around the corner and there was Jane, and some other dinosaurs (Including a full size T-rex) he let out a resounding “WOW” that echoed through the museum. Boopie found it neat to finally see the dinosaur that has been in the local and national news. For a small museum, they do have a nice display for the dinosaurs. Then again it is the centerpiece of the museum, and the only display really worth seeing.

After the Natural History Museum, I took the boys next door to the Discovery Center. It’s a learning area that teaches kids about science through a hands on experience. IE I tricked the kids into learning. While they thought they where playing, they where learning about physics and human development. Even I learned something there. Over the last year, we’ve had a lot of people telling us Clone is big for his age. I just put it off as they didn’t know what they where talking about. While at the Discovery Center they have a development section. There was a wall that you could stand up against and measure your height to that of other people your age. Clone was off the chart for 3 year olds by about an eight of an inch. I guess he is big for his age.

The boys both had a lot of fun at the Discovery Center. Boopie was able to see how fast of a baseball he can pitch, Clone learned that he can make an air cannon out of a vacuum cleaner and some tennis balls. I learned that I really need to protect Mr. Happy and the Goodtime boys better when Clone is trying to make an air cannon out of hoses.

I would have prefered the car.

This weeks beer o' testing was chosen by the lovely and talented Ktreva. While at the store she found a can of Jaguar High Gravity Lager and decided that I should sample this beast. Let me start off by introducing you to the beer. The can is rather interesting; it is an eye catcher.

The fact that it's 24oz of 8.3% alcohol by volume malt liquor that she purchased for $2.00 should be speaking volumes. According to the can the Jaguar Brewing Company in Lacrosse, WI makes this brew. Unfortunately, I am unable to find a website for the company. Unlike Camo High Gravity lager, this wasn't anywhere near as bad. Don't get me wrong, it was not good, but it didn't taste like I was drinking a petroleum product.

Pouring the beer into a glass, it had a pretty week head that dissipated rather quickly. The color had a slight orange tint to it. You could easily smell the alcohol in it. There was also the typical sweet malty smell you get with all malt liqueurs. It wasn't difficult to drink; the initial taste wasn't bad. On the third sip I had the urge to gag. After getting accustomed to it, it wasn't so bad. Again, with the relatively high alcohol content to it, the first thing you tasted was the alcohol. It was thin bodied, but still drinkable. It was the aftertaste that really killed this beer. It had one of those "you'll taste it for twenty minutes after finishing it" qualities to it, bitter and kind of stale.

I think the best thing I can say about this beer is, "If someone gave me another can, I would drink it." I can't say I would enjoy it, but I would drink it. There is also another problem to buying beer in cans this size. They tend to get warm quickly which leaves you with at least 10 OZ of warm cheap beer. And unlike many dark beers, this is not one that is still palatable when it's warm.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd rate this beer a 3.

Update: I've discovered that this is made by City Brewery (Melanie Brewing Co.) I'm taking it as a bad sign that they don't even claim to make Jaguar.

Fourth of July

Today we celebrate what is observed as the birth of our nation. The day we declared independence from English rule. The second Continental Congress, meeting in Philadelphia, adopted what would be the final draft of the Declaration of Independence. The war for Independence would ravage on for 7 more years, as American colonists, with the aid of Natives and the French, would fight for their freedom.

Click to Enlarge

On September 3, 1783 the Treaty of Paris was signed ending hostilities. The US Congress then ratified it on January 14, 1784 officially ending the Revolutionary War and giving the Thirteen Colonies their independence.

Today Americans will spend the day watching fireworks, grilling meat, watching parades and attending many different festivities. But let us not forgot those brave soldiers, many of them not over the age of 15 by the end of the war, who fought and died to give us our independence. When celebrating today, celebrate not only our freedom but also the men whose blood, sweat and tears won it for us.

Have a happy and safe Fourth of July.

It's a bird, It's a plane... it's a useless blog post.

Since the new Superman Movie is coming out. I thought I would share this with everyone. 40 things you don’t know about Superman.

Drunk Dialing no more.

This is just wrong. A Cell phone that has a built in breathalizer!

Here's how it works: Users blow into a small spot on the phone, and if they've had too much to drink the phone issues a warning and shows a weaving car hitting traffic cones.

Well that’s great because now you don’t have to guess if you get pulled over whether or not you are over the limit. That’s actually pretty cool. On the other hand I can see a bunch of college kids sitting around seeing who can get the highest blood alcohol level before passing out. Trust me one this. When I was in college one of the bars had a breathalizer station by the door. I routinely saw guys going over to see who could score the highest.

There is one down side to this phone.

If you have a blood alcohol level over .08, the phone will not let you dial that person. So it not only promotes sobriety, but chastity — and probably your dignity, as well.

WHAT?!?!?!?! No way! As many of you know, I have an adverse reaction to talking on the phone. As in I hate talking on the phone. I despise, loathe and am repulsed by having to do so. At work I’m more likely to walk to someone’s desk to talk to them then to pick up the phone and call. If someone call’s my home, I’ll let Ktreva answer the phone. Yet, when I’m drinking, sometimes I like to pick a random number and just call it. Just for the fun of it. This phone would take that joy away from me… and the joy of having drunks call me.

Robots in Disguise

I know they are making Transformers, the movie. This clip I doubt is actually from the movie, but if someone can do that, imagine what some of these big budget studios could do. Check out someone’s rendition of Opitmus Prime transforming.