All 95 members of the 50-goal club ranked, from Gary Leeman to Rocket Richard

While it was at least a little bit lost in all the trade deadline news, Connor McDavid made some history by joining the 50-goal club last week. Somewhat surprisingly, it was the first time he’d reached the milestone, making him the 95th player in NHL history to have achieved the feat.

This seems like a good excuse for a ranking.

Now, with 95 different names to sort through, am I going to write an extensive explanation of each and every rankings, droning on for roughly 10,000 words that nobody will read? Sure, sounds like fun! (Editor’s note: No you will absolutely not.) No I will not. But with some judicious use of grouping and categorization, we can get this down to a manageable level. Remember, these sorts of lists aren’t about being right or wrong. They’re about you CTRL+F’ing down to your favorite player and then having a temper tantrum in the comments about him being too low.

I can’t think of a better way to spend a Friday, so let’s do this. To be clear, I’m not ranking these players best on who had the best careers. I’m not even ranking them based on who had the best goal-scoring season, since we can just sort by stats to get that. No, we’re looking for the guys who do the best job of capturing that 50-goal vibe. I realize that’s vague, but you know it when you see it, so let’s get to the ranking.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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NHL99: Doug Gilmour and how the biggest trade in NHL history turned him into a superstar

Your team is about to make a trade. A big one. And not just one of those standard-issue rental deals we see so much of these days, in which only one team is really trying to improve while the other is kicking the can down the road. No, this is two teams that are both trying to get better, right now, and carefully exchanging pieces to try to make it happen.

How do you want the trade to work out?

If you’re feeling polite, you might say that you hope it ends up being a win for both teams. You’ll miss the players who are heading the other way, and you wish them nothing but the best. Trading doesn’t have to be a zero-sum game, you might remind yourself, and a good one can work out just fine for both teams. You would tell yourself that because you’re a good person.

You would be lying. You don’t want that at all.

No, you want the trade to be so lopsided that it feels unfair. You want to read about it on those “biggest heist in sports history” lists for decades to come. You want everyone your team dealt away to turn into a pumpkin. And somehow, against all odds, you want the key piece coming back in the deal to level up into something they’ve never been before. You want the guy you didn’t give up all that much to get to find another gear and become the best player on the team. No, screw that, since we’re getting crazy, maybe the best player in the whole league.

In other words, you want your team’s blockbuster to turn into the Doug Gilmour trade. But the problem with Doug Gilmour trades is that they don’t happen very often. Maybe, you could argue, only once.

We can still feel the impact of the Doug Gilmour trade today. It screwed up the perception of how trades work for an entire generation of hockey fans. It decimated a Stanley Cup winner that still hasn’t won another title since. And it reinvigorated a hockey market that wasn’t quite dying but was certainly in a coma, one self-inflicted by two decades of incompetence.

And yeah, if you haven’t guessed it by now, this is one of those pieces that’s going to get kind of Maple Leafs-centric, even though Gilmour played over two-thirds of his 20-year career for a collection of a half-dozen other teams. If you’re the sort of person who’s bothered by that, I don’t know what to tell you. Doug Gilmour, who comes in at No. 66 on The Athletic’s list of the greatest players of the NHL’s modern era, was a very good player for a very long time for a very long list of NHL teams. But for a couple of seasons in Toronto, he became something more, and that’s what we’re going to focus on because this is my piece.

Let’s look back at the most important trade in the history of the NHL, assuming you define that history through the eyes of a thoroughly disillusioned and hopeless young Maple Leafs fan.

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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Grab Bag: The NHL should have one day of legal tampering per season

In the Friday Grab Bag:
- Every sport should make tampering legal for one day of the year
- Your favorite team's GM drops by to reveal his trade deadline strategy
- Another obscure player from the Vancouver Canucks' weird goaltending history
- The week's three comedy stars feature a small child getting repeatedly injured
- And a YouTube look back at the next-day reaction to the Doug Gilmour trade

>> Read the full post at The Athletic

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Ten fun facts about Doug Gilmour's record-setting 1992-93 season

Today marks the 25th anniversary of a big moment in Toronto Maple Leafs history. It was on this day in 1993 that Doug Gilmour assisted on a Dave Andreychuk goal to give the Leafs a 2–0 lead over the Oilers. The goal itself didn’t end up mattering all that much — the Leafs rolled to a relatively easy 6–2 win. But the assist gave Gilmour his 118th point of the year, breaking Darryl Sittler’s franchise record for points in a year that had stood since 1977–78.

As readers of this site are well aware, the Maple Leafs are an overlooked franchise that rarely gets much media coverage. So I thought it would be fun to look back on Gilmour’s big moment, with 118 fun facts about Doug Gilmour’s record-breaking season.

(Editor’s note: Yeah, 118 sounds excessive even for a Leafs homer like you. Maybe dial it down to 10?)

See what I mean? It’s tough to root for a team that gets so little attention. Fine, 10 fun facts it is.

1. There wasn’t exactly a ton of suspense when it came to Gilmour breaking the record

Gilmour had been on pace to shatter the record pretty much all season long, and he’d already become just the second Maple Leafs to ever hit the 100-point mark a few weeks earlier. When the Leafs took the ice in Edmonton that night, they still had 10 games left in the season, so barring an injury it wasn’t so much a question of whether Gilmour would break the mark but when, and by how much.

The “when” turned out to be that night, and the “how much” ended up being double digits, as Gilmour finished the year with 127 points. And he wasn’t done yet.

2. It wasn’t the only team scoring record Gilmour set that year

In addition to breaking the franchise-points record, Gilmour also topped two other important marks held by Sittler.

He finished the 1992–93 season with 95 assists, shattering Sittler’s mark of 72 (also set in 1977–78). That remains one of the highest marks ever, with only five players having ever recorded more helpers in a season – Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Bobby Orr, Adam Oates and Joe Thornton.

Maybe more impressively, Gilmour established another Leafs record for points in a single post-season. Sittler had set that mark in 1977, with 21, but Gilmour had him beat before the end of the second round. He finished the playoffs with 35 points, which remains tied for the eighth most in NHL history, as well as the most ever by a player whose team didn’t make the final.

The good news for Sittler is that at least he got to keep his NHL record for points in a game, although Gilmour managed to get his name into the record book for a different single-game mark. On Feb. 13, he assisted on all six Maple Leafs goals in a 6–1 win over the Dallas Star. That left him one back of the all-time NHL record for assists in a game, but tied the Leafs’ team mark, matching Babe Pratt’s output from a 1944 contest.

3. Nobody really saw all this coming

In hindsight, Gilmour’s transformation from respected top-six centre to unquestioned superstar feels inevitable. He’d been underused and perhaps under-appreciated in Calgary, where he was simply one of several top forwards on a Cup contender. The trade to Toronto was his opportunity to show what he could do as The Guy, and he made the most of it, embracing the big-market spotlight and having the sort of breakout season he’d always had in him.

It makes sense, and there’s probably a certain amount of truth in it. But even with the benefit of a nice narrative, it’s still remarkable how much of a jump Gilmour made in that first full year in Toronto. After all, this wasn’t some kid just entering his prime — Gilmour was already 29 years old and playing his 10th NHL season in 1992-93. He’d put up decent numbers for just about all of that time, but never anything approaching his 127-point breakout. His previous career best had been 105 points with the Blues back in 1986–87, and he’d had only one other season in which he’d even been over 90.

Even after coming over to Toronto midway through the 1991–92 season, Gilmour’s numbers were very good but hardly jaw-dropping. He put up 49 points in 40 games, just about exactly a 100-point pace. Heading into the 1992–93 season, that seemed about right – Gilmour seemed like an easy bet to lead the Leafs in scoring, but with limited talent around him the ceiling didn’t seem that high.

That thinking lasted a few weeks. Gilmour had 10 points through the team’s first five games and 20 through their first 10, and the race towards the record book was on. In hindsight, it all seemed obvious. But at the time, not so much.

Of course, at least some of that surprise had to do with some important context: The entire 1992–93 season was ridiculous.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

25 years later, 25 fun facts about the Gilmour trade

Monday marks the 25th anniversary of one of the biggest trades in NHL history: the blockbuster 1992 deal that sent Doug Gilmour from the Calgary Flames to the Toronto Maple Leafs.

In hindsight, it was the trade that reinvigorated a Maple Leafs franchise still digging out from the Harold Ballard era, while extinguishing any hope that the Flames’ Stanley Cup contender status could be revived.

Hearing the move announced for the first time back then was a legitimately stunning experience; once the names started, they just kept coming. The deal involved ten players, sending Gary Leeman, Michel Petit, Jeff Reese, Craig Berube and Alexander Godynyuk to the Flames in exchange for Gilmour, Jamie Macoun, Ric Nattress, Rick Wamsley and Kent Manderville.

In terms of the sheer number of players involved, the deal really was the biggest in NHL history, and remains so to this day. And while other trades may have had a bigger impact – Wayne Gretzky, Eric Lindros and Phil Esposito all come to mind – that list is a relatively short one.

So today, let's celebrate the deal's silver anniversary with 25 facts about the Doug Gilmour trade.

—

1. The trade happened the day after Gilmour walked out on the Flames.

Let's lead off with this one, because it's important but has somehow been largely forgotten over the years.

These days, the trade is held up as a classic lopsided blockbuster, and as we'll get to, that's a fair assessment.

But it's not like the Flames just woke up one day and said "Let's trade a really good player for a bunch of worse ones." They kind of had no choice.

Gilmour was miserable in Calgary, feuding with GM Doug Risebrough (and at one point, allegedly overhearing a phone call in which Risebrough talked about trading him). Mix in a contract dispute that was turning fans against him, and it was well-known that Gilmour wanted out.

But things escalated on New Year's Day. Hours after putting up two points in a win over Montreal, Gilmour packed up his gear and left the Flames. The deal had obviously been in the works long before that – ten player deals don't just come together in 24 hours – but Gilmour's walkout sped things along and stripped the Flames of virtually any remaining leverage.

It gets in the way of the "dumb team gives away a superstar" storyline, but fair is fair. You can't tell the story of this trade without mentioning that Gilmour was already an ex-Flame when it happened.

2. Risebrough knew the Flames pretty well

Most fans know that Risebrough was the Flames GM at the time. What isn't as well remembered is that he was also in his second season as the team's head coach.

Pulling double duty was relatively rare back then, though not unheard of, and in theory Risebrough would have had a chance to evaluate the players he was trading away up close.

(As a side note, his dual status didn't last long. Two months after the Gilmour trade went down, the Flames lost to the Canucks 11-0 and Risebrough resigned as coach. He'd remain as GM until 1995, though.)

3. Cliff Fletcher knew the Flames pretty well, too

Fletcher had been the first and only GM in Flames' franchise history until after the 1990-91 season, when he headed to Toronto to assume near total control of the Maple Leafs. This wasn't his first Leafs blockbuster – that would have been the September 1991 deal that saw Toronto acquire Grant Fuhr and Glenn Anderson from the Oilers. But it was his first chance to deal with his old club, and with the man who had replaced him.

Needless to say, Fletcher knew the players he was getting at least as well as the ones he was giving up. And in hindsight, it showed.

4. A Gilmour/Leeman trade had been rumoured for weeks

Even before Gilmour forced the Flames' hand, rumours had been flying that a deal would send him to Toronto for Leeman. The Leafs' winger was having an awful season, with just seven goals through the first half, but was still less than two years removed from scoring 112 goals over three seasons, peaking with 50 in 1989-90.

Things had fallen apart for Leeman in November 1990, when in the span of 24 hours the Leafs traded away his centreman, Ed Olczyk, and he suffered a serious shoulder injury.

He was still feeling some lingering effects of that injury and hadn't clicked with new linemates; the idea that he could get healthy and regain his scoring touch next to someone like Joe Nieuwendyk or Theo Fleury wasn't all that far-fetched.

But even given that, most figured that a straight up one-for-one deal probably didn't make sense, and that a player or two would have to be thrown in to make it work. We just didn't realize that "a player or two" would end up ballooning to eight other names.

5. One of the worst losses in Leafs history may have helped the deal go down

While Gilmour's walkout was the biggest factor in pushing the Flames towards a deal, the Maple Leafs may have been given a nudge of their own by one of the worst performances in franchise history. On December 26, 1991, the Leafs went to Pittsburgh and got blown out by a score of 12-1.

Any thoughts of patience on Fletcher's part probably evaporated as he watched the defending champs toy with his sad-sack team. Chance was going to be needed, and minor tinkering wouldn't cut it. One week later, he pulled the trigger on the trade that blew his roster to smithereens.

>> Read the full post at Sportsnet

Grab bag: The Doug Gilmour trade

In this week's grab bag:
- Three comedy stars, plus one who'll live in your nightmares forever
- Everyone's mad at the NHL for screwing up the new puck-hits-netting review rule. But everyone is wrong.
- An obscure player who was the league's first outdoor hero
- Checking in on Don Cherry, who is under a lot of pressure
- And a YouTube breakdown of a time long ago when NHL GMs actually made real blockbuster trades...

>> Read the full post on Grantland

The NHL's concussion lawsuit is here. Now what?

On Monday afternoon, this week in the NHL was shaping up to be an uneventful one, maybe even bordering on dull. Four hundred words later, everything had gone to hell.

That's how long it took for this announcement from a California-based law firm, helpfully accompanied by a delightfully subtle stock photo, to deliver the news: The long-awaited NHL concussion lawsuit has finally arrived. Buckle up; things are probably about to get bumpy.

Here's a look at the suit and what it may mean.

What exactly just happened?

On Monday, 10 former NHL players filed a class-action lawsuit against the NHL in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia. The 47-page suit, which can be read in its entirety here, alleges that the league knew (or should have known) about the dangers posed by concussions and failed to do enough to reduce the risk of head injuries and educate players about the issue.

The suit seeks rule changes, medical care for former players, and the "full measure of damages allowed under applicable law." There's no dollar value attached to that yet, but in theory it could be very high, well into the hundreds of millions.

Is this basically the NHL's version of the recent NFL suit?

It could be, though we're not there yet.

There are certainly similarities between the NHL's situation and the recent NFL case. Both leagues have been plagued by player concussions, both have made recent rule changes to try to reduce them, and both have struggled with the question of how to make the games safer without rendering the sport unrecognizable to fans. For whatever it's worth, attorney Mel Owens, who is involved in the NHL suit, is a former NFL linebacker.

Once the NFL settled its suit for $765 million in August, the sports world wondered which league would be next, and the NHL seemed like a natural candidate. Now, we appear to be starting down that path.

So everyone already knew this was going to happen?

The specifics of this particular suit weren't known until Monday. But once the NFL litigation began, the clock was ticking on the NHL to face something similar. It has long been seen as inevitable that the league was going to be hit with a massive class-action suit over concussions at some point.

The question was when, and from whom it would come. Now that we have a starting point, other suits will probably follow, maybe quickly.

>> Read the full post on Grantland

A look inside the NHL's 50-goal club

We don't know where most of the NHL's awards will go when the hardware is handed out in June, but we can probably go ahead and engrave Steven Stamkos's name onto the Rocket Richard Trophy for the league's leading goal scorer. Stamkos recorded his 50th goal of the season earlier this week, reaching the magic number before any other player could even get to 40.

Stamkos may end up being the only player to score 50 this season, but he'll have plenty of company in the history books. Although the feat has become less common in the current era, 90 different NHL players have managed the reach the 50-goal milestone at least once in their careers.

Here's a look at some of the past and present stars who've managed to join the prestigious 50-goal club.

1993 - Brendan Shanahan scores his 50th goal of the season, then quietly admits to himself that he's not sure that was really the right number and resolves to start randomly scoring less or more without any explanation.

1991 - Brett Hull scores 86 goals and marks the start of a decade in which he's so unstoppable that he sometimes seems to be playing under a completely different set of rules, Sabres fans will later notice in hindsight.

1989 - A career-high 70-goal season from Bernie Nicholls results in the league reluctantly rescinding its controversial "Just to make it fair for everyone else, from now on Wayne Gretzky assists only count if he ricochets the shot off of Bernie Nicholls' head" rule.

1998 - Traded to the Flyers following several disappointing seasons in Montreal, John LeClair records three straight 50-goal seasons after finally being able to explain to an English-speaking equipment manager that he would actually prefer to use left-handed sticks.

Read the rest of this post...

Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - Gary Leeman vs. Denis Savard

Great Obscure Moments in Leafs History - An ongoing series to honor the greatest, completely meaningless moments in Toronto Maple Leaf history.

All human beings agree that Wendel Clark vs Marty McSorley is pretty much the greatest thing that has ever happened, anywhere, ever. OK, maybe you could make an argument for the invention of the concept of justice. You'd be wrong, but you could make the case.

But here's a thought experiment: what would be the exact opposite of Clark vs. McSorley? What hockey moment would be so awful, so cringe-worthy, so embarrassing, that it would have the potential to cancel out the greatness of Clark/McSorley if viewed side-by-side?

Older Leaf fans don't have to wonder, because they saw it on December 23, 1989. That was the night that the Leafs and Hawks squared off in one of the most memorable line brawls of a generation. And the main event, such as it was, featured a pair of franchise players: Gary Leeman and Denis Savard.

Let's identify the participants in this ten-man rumble. For the Leafs we have Leeman (#11), Tom Kurvers (#25), Brian Curran (#28), Johnny McIntyre (#44) and Dave Reid (#14). For the Hawks, it's Savard (#11), Cam Russell (#52), Dave Manson (#3), Dirk Graham (#33), and a guy wearing #14 who I think might be future Flames coach current Marlies coach Greg Gilbert.

As far as background, let's just say that the Leafs and Hawks were both in the Norris division, which means they hated each other and wanted to fight. The Hawks and Leafs had several memorable brawls over the years (like this one, and of course this one).

But this particular incident was different. What makes this among the most entertaining five minutes on all of Youtube? Let's walk through it in excruciatingly obsessive detail and find out!

Camouflage Coat Guy
Right off the bat, we get a classic Maple Leafs Garden moment: a fan blocking the camera. And not just any guy, but a guy who appears to have worn a camouflage coat to a hockey game. And also seems to be nine feet tall.

This forces the CBC to switch to the overhead camera view, which somehow always made whatever came next seem ten times more awesome.

Bob Cole
Right as things start to heat up, Bob Cole displays his excellent sense of timing by encouraging viewers to "listen to this!" and then going silent, just as the Hawks players start lobbing obscenities at Leeman.

And by the way, how is it possible that all the Hawks players are trash-talking Leeman and yet Al Iafrate's name never comes up?

The sucker punch
With Andy Van Hellemond yelling to "open the door up", Savard breaks away and lands a viscous sucker punch on Leeman, then scurries away like a rat. The only Leaf who sees it is under-rated tough guy Curran, who goes berserk. But he can't get at Savard, because he's being held back by...

Cam Russell
And since it's Cam Russell, and since it's the Leafs, Russell immediately winds up flat on his back. (Just like here and here and especially here.)

If there was a stat for most times getting destroyed by a Maple Leaf, Russell would be the Phil Mickelson to Jim Cummins' Tiger Woods.

Savard's "Hold Me Back" routine
I called Stu Grimson's performance against Wendel Clark "the all-time greatest 'hold me back while I pretend to want to fight' routine", but I think we may need a recount.

Savard pretends to desperately want to fight, right up until the linesmen call his bluff and simply skate away. We then get a full 75 seconds of Savard backing away from Leeman.

So how do you fill over a minute of dead air? With a big dose of...

Harry Neale
Neale is probably best known for his pre-prepared soundbites; if you like your color commentators to suddenly quote Edgar Allan Poe during an icing call, Harry is your guy. But here he shows that he's pretty good when going off-script too.

While Leeman and Savard stumble around, Neale starts firing off rapid one-liners like "This is the longest shadow-boxing match I've ever seen" and "If looks could kill they'd both be on their backs" and "They've been skating more on this shift than they have when the game was on".

But then he tops himself with this instant classic: "I've seen more hits when I take my kids to the petting zoo!"

What does that even mean? Who's getting hit when Harry Neale takes his kids to the petting zoo? Do his kids hit the animals? Does Harry hit his kids? What's he trying to tell us here?

Alain Chevrier
Chevrier is the Hawks goalie. And do you know what he does during this long line brawl, which features multiple sucker punches, mismatches and two-on-one situations? Nothing. Nothing! In fact, he does less than nothing. He never comes remotely close to getting involved.

I will never forgive him for that. Because do you know who was in net for the Leafs that night? Allan Bester. How great would it have been to see Allan Bester skate the length of the ice to join a brawl? Tell me that wouldn't have been an instant top-five highlight of the decade for Leaf fans.

And besides, if Felix Potvin could wipe the floor with Ron Hextall, I'm pretty sure Allan Bester could take Alain Chevrier.

"Durno"
In the middle of Leeman and Savard's dance of futility, the camera pans by a young hockey fan wearing a #8 Leafs jersey that reads "Durno". This begs two questions: how bad were the camera angles in Maple Leaf Gardens that a small child could block them, and what the heck is a "Durno"? Stay with me, I'm going somewhere with this.

Since nobody by that name ever played for the Leafs, I'm going to assume it's the kid's name. A few minutes of google research reveals a journeyman minor leaguer named Chris Durno, who at the age of 28 finally made his NHL debut this year by playing two games for the Avalanche. Chris Durno grew up in Scarborough, would have been nine years old when this game was played, and according to this interview he always wore #8 when he was growing up.

You know what? I'm going to go ahead and make the claim that that's future NHLer Chris Durno blocking the camera in the middle of this fight!

(Update: DGB commenter and Durno family friend "JDub" confirms that it is Chris Durno!)

And based on that, I'm establishing the Chris Durno Fan Club, and demanding that Brian Burke sign Chris Durno to play for the Marlies next year. Burke already knows Durno, having once acquired him when he was with the Ducks. And the Hockey News says Durno brings "plenty of physical toughness and intimidation". Just what we need in Toronto!

Who's with me? We want Durno! We want Durno!

No? Just me? OK, moving on...

Dave Manson
Manson had already been escorted off the ice earlier in the brawl, but he makes a dramatic return just in time to execute a sunset flip onto Leeman and Savard, wiping out linesman Ron Finn in the process.

That earned him the ultra-rare triple game misconduct on a single play: one for coming back onto the ice, one for abuse of officials, and one for being third man in. This inspired Paul Morris's infamous announcement of "Number three, Dave Manson, two minutes for instigating, five minutes for fighting, a game misconduct, a second game misconduct, a third game misconduct".

Paul Morris dones't care how many penalties you got, he's announcing them one at a time even if we all have to stay here all night.

Bob Cole again
"Uh oh. UH OH! Baby... this thing... has come apart... at the seams!"

I love Bob Cole.

Doug Carpenter
Carpenter doesn't actually do anything. I just like seeing him. Where does Carpenter rank on the list of great red-headed coaches in NHL history? I'm going to say behind Terry Crisp, but ahead of Dave Allison.

Wendel Clark almost coming off the bench
When Manson blindsides Leeman, Clark jumps off the bench before being grabbed by a teammate. If Clark had entered the fight, he would have been suspended for ten games, touched off a bench-clearing brawl, beaten Dave Manson to death with his bare hands, and then beaten Cam Russell to death with the corpse of Dave Manson.

But none of that happened, because Clark is grabbed from behind at the last moment by...

John Kordic
Think about that. John Kordic prevented a bench-clearing brawl.

Here's a rule of thumb: when you're relying on John Kordic to serve as a calming influence, you're dealing with a situation that is completely out of control. It may be time to call in the army. Or, failing that, hope that a jolly mythical character inexplicably makes an appearance.

Hey look, it's Santa Claus!
With the situation on the verge of complete implosion, the officials desperately try to usher the Blackhawks off the ice. What better time for Santa Claus to randomly make an appearance?

Seriously, what is happening here? When did David Lynch start directing NHL games? And why does "Santa" weigh about 140 pounds?

"I don't think Santa Claus has seen anything like this in a while," deadpans Cole. No, Bob, I suppose he hasn't.

The epilogue
Dave Manson was suspended for 13 games. More impressively, Savard managed to pick up two fighting majors on the same play even though he never fought anybody. As a side note, these were the first two fighting majors of Savard's career. He would later add two more, against Craig Janney and Dale Hawerchuk. Apparently, Denis Savard really hates marginally over-rated wimpy guys.

There were a total of eight fights in this game, including John Kordic delivering some payback by absolutely destroying Cam Russell in the second period. A young Damien Cox was so traumatized that all his hair fell out.

Leeman went on to score 50 goals this season, was traded for Doug Gilmour, and was never heard from again. Manson actually played for the Leafs for one year in 2000, although sadly he never tried to hurdle another linesman.

Chris Durno signed with the Leafs in the 2009 off-season, made the team out of training camp, scored the Stanley Cup winning goal during the Leafs' shocking playoff run, and dedicated the championship to this blog.

Your Christmas shopping guide to Maple Leafs collectibles

Christmas is just a week away, and you know what that means: Mats Sundin has almost finished picking out a Valentine's gift for his wife. But for the rest of us, it's time to get shopping.

Luckily, Leaf fans are easy to buy for. After all, pretty much every product imaginable has had a Maple Leaf slapped on it at some point. But why not go the extra mile for that special Leaf fan in your life? Why not get them a rare collectible that they'll cherish forever?

To help get you thinking creatively, here's my personal list of my Most Wanted Maple Leaf memorabilia. These are the gifts I'm hoping to find under my tree this year.

Deserted island up front,
party out back

An authentic Al Iafrate helmet - Just so I can have something to wear at all times once I eventually start going bald.

I'd also be interested in other Iafrate collectibles, such as the stick he used to set the slapshot record, a game-used pack of cigarettes, and one of Gary Leeman's old condom wrappers.

The paperwork from the agreed-on but never consummated Vincent Lecavlier trade - Apparently the Leafs were ready to fax in the paperwork when the Lightning ownership called the deal off. What happened to it? They couldn't have just thrown it out. Somebody must have it in a file folder somewhere in an office at MLSE.

I think I would have it framed in an impressive glass case, which I would smash my head through every morning on my way out the door.

A game-worn Jason Blake jersey - It's just like all the other game-worn jerseys, except without the sweat stains.

Andrew Raycroft's glove - I'd nail it to my garage door, and drive my car through it every day.

Marty McSorley's eyeball from Game One of the Kings series - Somebody must have it, since it flew into the stands at the Gardens about three seconds into this fight. If you worked at MLG as an usher and once found a human eyeball with a knuckle-sized divot in it, call me.

Speaking of Wendel memorabilia, I would also accept Curtis Joseph's disintegrated mask, Cam Neely's dignity, or the corpse of Bruce Bell.

I'd nail one pad to either side of
my garage and then drive...
wait, did I do that one already?

Allan Bester game-worn goalie pads - My infant daughter would look adorable in them.

An officially licensed Mats Sundin weathervane - I could set it up outside and watch it flip back and forth whenever the wind changed. It would also be fun to watch all the journalists crowd around it to breathlessly report on its every move even though it never actually went anywhere.

A vial of water from Luke Schenn's water bottle - Just in case anyone I know is ever diagnosed with leprosy.

A John Kordic #27 jersey - Then I would go to an autograph show and ask Frank Mahovlich or Darryl Sittler to sign it, just to see how they reacted.

The pen that JFJ used to sign contracts with - I think it would be fun to have around, just for those moments when somebody needed to sign something that was going to turn out to be a terrible mistake.

Want to take out a sub-prime mortgage? Borrow my pen! Signing auto industry bailout legislation? Borrow my pen! Hey man, you're getting married? That's great, let me sign the guestbook...

Damien Cox's laptop keyboard - It's in pretty good shape, it's just that the 1, 9, 6 and 7 keys are worn out.

Brian Papineau, in one of his
dryer moments

The water bottle that Brian Papineau went crazy with after the Borschevsky goal - I don't even have a joke here. I'd pay hundreds of dollars for this. Then I'd fill it up with water, carry it with me at all-times, and then spray it all over every time something even remotely positive happened in my life. Winning pro-line tickets, moderately positive work reviews, daughter makes it through bath time without pooping in the tub... water bottle spray!

A Leafs series-winning goal puck from a Toronto/Ottawa series - Wait, scratch that. Collectibles are only valuable if they're rare.

And finally, the one Leafs collectable I would value above any other...

The stick that Wayne Gretzky high-sticked Doug Gilmour with - I would easily pay $1,000 for this. I mean, I wouldn't even hesitate at that price -- that money would be out of my daughter's RESP and into the hands of some shady e-bay collector within seconds. And I think I'd be willing to go much higher (remember, I'm the guy who once paid $50 just to deface Gretzky's hockey-reference.com page).

The big question would be, what to do with it? Do you display something like that in your basement? Destroy it in some sort of ceremony? Set it on fire to see if the choking black smoke formed into a giant Habs logo?

I think the first thing I'd do would be to get the stick autographed by Wayne Gretzky, then immediately write a confession directly above the signature. And by the way, if you think I wouldn't have that stick in a CSI lab for conclusive blood samples within hours, you don't know me well enough.

I think I might end up taking it to Kerry Fraser's house and using it smash out the windshields of his car, just so I could see him peer out of his window with a confused look on his face, unable to determine what was happening before looking around for some linesmen to throw under the bus.

What about you guys? What's on your most-wanted list?

Is this the worst it's ever been? Part one.

John Ferguson. The Mats Sundin saga. Paul Maurice. Bryan McCabe. Jeff Finger. Rask-for-Raycroft.

If you're a die-hard Leafs fan, these have been dark days. It's bad right now. No doubt. But how bad? Have we ever been down to these depths before?

I'm not sure. So this week, I'm going to take a look back over Toronto Maple Leafs history and try to answer the question: Is this the worst it's ever been?

As always on Down Goes Brown, "Leafs History" is defined as beginning when I was old enough to be a fan. That takes us back to the early 80s, and that's where our three-part series begins.


1983-84

This picture is all kinds of awesome.

The good: Rick Vaive scores 50 goals for the third straight year. Bill Derlago chips in 40, which is neat since as a kid I always liked him because I thought his name was "Builder Lego". Tough guy "Razzle" Basil McRae was briefly on the team. Gary Leeman debuts, which ends up being important eight years later.

The bad: The team misses the playoffs for the second time in three years, following a streak of eight straight appearances. The team used five goalies, including teenaged rookies Allan Bester and Ken Wregget, and the departing Mike Palmateer. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 80/100. The team is terrible, Ballard is a menace, and fans were starting to lose hope. Rightfully so, as it turned out.


1984-85

The good: Al Iafrate debuts, and immediately begins going bald. A rookie named Steve Thomas arrives, and proceeds to play for the Leafs off and on for the next 30 years. They use the first overall draft pick to choose some farmboy defenceman from Saskatchewan who turns out to be pretty good.

The bad: The team was a laughingstock, managing only 48 points and finishing last overall. They scored 253 goals which would be good today but was awful back then. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 90/100. This was in the "fans wear paper bags" days.


1985-86

The good: The Leafs make the playoffs thanks to a pathetic 40-point season by the Red Wings and even manage to win a round by upsetting the Blackhawks. Wendel debuts, leading the squad with a team rookie record 34 goals and killing and eating every tough guy in the Norris. The Leafs draft Vincent Damphousse, who I refer to as "Damp House" for about two years before my dad corrects me.

The bad: The team manages only 57 points. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 70/100. The team was still awful, but Wendel-mania has begun.


1986-87

The good: The John Brophy era begins, and the sight of an angry white-haired man in a derby scares the Leafs into earning a playoff spot. This was the second year of the two-year Brad "Motor City Smitty" Smith era. The Leafs manage an upset first round win against a St. Louis Blues team coached by a young Jacques Martin, who vows to only ever be the Leafs playoff fodder like four more times at the absolute most.

The bad: Despite the playoff appearance, the Leafs were still ten games under .500. Nobody on the entire team managed 75 points. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 50/100. Make no mistake, the team was still bad. But Brophy was fun and they won a playoff round, and Wendel Clark was punching the blood out of a different guy every night.


1987-88

The good: The Leafs make a blockbuster deal, sending Rick Vaive and others to the Blackhawks to get Ed Olczyk, who scores 42 goals and leads the team in scoring. Despite only managing 52 points, the Leafs make the playoffs for the third year in a row.

The bad: The string of first-round upsets ends as they lose to the Red Wings. Wendel Clark starts to have some injury problems, but we're sure they're nothing to worry about. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 60/100. Wendel's back will be OK after the off-season, right?


1988-89

The good: Olczyk scores 90 points, showing nice chemistry with Leeman. Daniel Marois scores 31 goals as a 20-year-old rookie. The Leafs rob the Flyers blind, trading semi-decent goalie Ken Wregget for two first round draft picks. They also make the Courtnall-for-Kordic deal. Guess which one of those trades Leaf fans have to hear about constantly for the next two decades?

The bad: Wendel only plays 15 games. Brophy is fired mid-season and replaced by the corpse of George Armstrong. The team misses the playoffs. They have three first-round picks and the best they can do is Rob Pearson. Harold Ballard is alive.

How bad was it? 80/100. Thank god for the Blue Jays.


1989-90

The good: The Leafs are actually good! Well, not quite, but they're .500 for the first time in the decade. Leeman scores 51 goals, Damphousse has 94 points, the team scores 337 goals and is fun to watch. And best of all, Harold Ballard dies!

The bad: Borje Salming plays an embarrassing final season with the Red Wings this year. Why would a long-time Leaf ever wants to go somewhere else for one crappy year? Must be a Swedish thing. Meanwhile, the Leafs lose in five to the Blues thanks largely to the infamous Sergio Momesso OT goal against Allan Bester. And they trade their first rounder in the 1991 draft for Tom Kurvers, but that's no big deal because the team is good now so it won't be a high pick.

How bad was it? 30/100. In hindsight it was still pretty bad, but this season was a lot of fun.


1990-91

The good: Remember all that good stuff from 1989-90? Yeah, never mind. Here are the highlights on this season: Peter Ing stops Wayne Gretzky on a penalty shot. That's it.

The bad: Despite hopes that they can build on the previous year, the team starts off 1-9-1. Leeman gets hurt, Olczyk is traded (for Dave Ellett), and Damphousse is the only player on the entire team to crack 40 points. The team prominently features guys like Lucien DeBlois and Dave Hannan. That Kurvers draft pick turns into Scott Niedermayer, who will return to haunt the Leafs in the 2001 playoffs when he vicously headbutts Tie Domi's elbow.

How bad was it? 90/100. It was bad enough that the team was brutal, but it made fans feel like suckers for ever believing things could actually be different.

1991-92

This guy may be OK.

The good: With the Ballard estate finally out of the picture forever, the Leafs begin to rebuild. They hire a young go-getter from Calgary named Cliff Fletcher to be their GM. He pulls the trigger on a blockbuster deal with the Oilers that lands them Grant Fuhr, Glenn Anderson, and actual credibility. That turns out to just be the warmup, as Fletcher pulls off The Greatest Trade of All-Time a few months later, landing Doug Gilmour and other useful players from the Flames for Gary Leeman and the spare change in his sofa.

The bad: Oh right, the actual games. The Leafs aren't good, finish in last place in the Norris and miss the playoffs.

How bad was it? 50/100. They weren't a good team... Yet.

Coming up: The Fletcher era and beyond.

How to fight when you don't want to fight

By now you've seen the bizarre footage of Patrick Roy's son "fighting" an opponent over the weekend. Jonathan Roy has been suspended seven games for his actions during the brawl, which saw him charge the length of the ice to decimate opposing goaltender Bobby Nadeau, who clearly wanted no part of the scrap.

Now clearly there is a time and place for walking away from a fight. In fact, it's generally a very good idea, especially if you have reason to believe you're going to lose. But even from a pacifist's point of view, Nadeau's performance was pathetic -- he made virtually no effort to defend himself, and wound up curled on the ice like a wounded puppy.

What's a self-respecting man supposed to do in this situation? It's hard to say. So as a public service, I've gone over various scenarios to come up with a list of possible responses. In order, from best-case to worst, here's a list of nine options to consider if you ever find yourself in Nadeau's position .

Best case scenario: Clearly communicate that you are a pacifist and would prefer a non-violent solution. If forced to fight, beat opponent to bloody pulp. Calmly leave like it was no big deal.

Examples: Felix Potvin vs. Ron Hextall. Youngblood vs. Racki. Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura. Mr. Miyagi vs. the guys dressed up as skeletons


If you can't do that, then: Accept invitation to fight despite overwhelming odds. Fight valiantly, eventually losing but sending the clear message that you won't be intimidated, thus winning a moral victory.

Examples: Spartans vs. Persians. Martin Biron vs. Ray Emery. Craig Coxe vs. Bob Probert. Zack Morris vs. A.C. Slater.


If you can't do that, then: Throw early sucker punch. Assume fighting stance a few feet from opponent. If opponent attempts to advance, slowly back away. Wave away anyone who tries to intervene. Continue backing away while looking like you really want to fight. Hope opponent will die of old age and/or Dave Manson will eventually save you.

Examples: Denis Savard vs. Gary Leeman. Every NBA fight ever.


If you can't do that, then: Try to look as tough as possible immediately before the fight. Once fight begins, throw a few punches early. Realize you are going to die. Make peace with your god.

Examples: Pretty much everyone who ever tried to fight Wendel Clark.


If you can't do that, then: Stand frozen like a deer caught in headlights. Once touched, immediately curl up into a ball on the floor. Make no attempt to fight back. Whimper girlishly. Watch highlights of self on youtube for rest of eternity.

Example: Bobby Nadeau vs. Jonathan Roy. Chris Neil vs. Chris Dingman. Me, if anyone I make fun of on this blog ever confronts me about it.


If you can't do that, then: Relax all muscles. Go completely limp. Cling to larger opponent. Cry loudly. Poop a little bit.

Examples: Roy vs. Montecore. Bryan McCabe vs. Zdeno Chara. My one-year-old daughter vs. the word "no".


If you can't do that, then: Run screaming to nearest exit. If no exit found, just flee in circles in hopes opponent will lose interest. Flail hands above head (optional).

Examples: The Owen Sound Platters vs. Jeff Kugel. Kazuhiko Daimon vs. Rod Allen.


If you can't do that, then: Defecate on ice. Fling poo at enemies to keep them away from you.

Examples: The monkey from Most Valuable Primate (director's cut edition only). Most Sean Avery fights.


If you can't do that, then: Stand still. Slump shoulders. Begin to cry.

Example: Oliver McCall vs. Lennox Lewis. Me vs. realization I am a Leafs fan.

I think that covers it. Did I miss any?