Friday, April 07, 2006
Endings and Beginnings
I haven't updated in a while... cause I'm making the transition to
wordpress.
It's been a wonderful 4 years in blogger, but I will be trying to update from
http://yuling.wordpress.com
Please join me in my continuing journey on my new blog.
It's been good. God bless.
Yu-Ling posted at 4/07/2006 04:22:00 PM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
TEENS CONFERENCE IS HERE.
Please pray for the teens.
Please pray for the coaches, rec teams, and other helpers.
Please pray for me (still feeling chest pains).
See y'all next week.
Yu-Ling posted at 3/12/2006 10:04:00 PM
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, "This is my body that is (BROKEN) for you. Do this in remembrance of me."
1 Corinthians 11:23-24
[the following entry took place between 2-6pm on March 2]
side note: This was written during the second day of my 3-day silent retreat. I went with my tyndale class to Queen of Apostles renewal centre. It's a place of rest amidst much affluence and I enjoyed being there. The second day was when we started to have periods of silence during the day.
After lunch, it was our time of silence (until dinner). I began by going outside and strolling along the credit valley river. It was really refreshing to read Psalm 133 (esp how the river contrasts/similar to the dews of Hermon). I remember thinking that parts of Heaven would be where I can take some time to be refreshed in a similar environment, have Jesus by my side, enjoy each other's company, and not even have to say a word.
On the grounds of the retreat centre, there was this big (copper I think) crucifix. There were several tree stumps in front of it and I remember thinking which one I should choose, and how that would be an indicator of myself. I originally chose the one farthest from the cross in the corner, but then decided to sit directly in front of it, but still at the back. I sat staring at the crucifix and started to think about my thoughts on Jesus' death.
I remember thinking that there's a place to mourn with Jesus, to mourn over his dying for us - even to ACKNOWLEDGE that my sins held him there. But I couldn't help thinking that the church had put so much emphasis on this that it has used this shaming/guilt technique to scare us into being Christians. So I read the passage from 1 Corinthians 11 and in v.24, my NRSV bible says 'this is my body that is FOR YOU. Do this in rememberance of me.' There was a footnote that said, 'other ancient authorities read - is BROKEN FOR YOU'. I started thinking that I acknowledge Jesus' body FOR ME and BROKEN FOR ME. But more than that, I want to move to EMBRACING Jesus' body and his brokeness. This is my desire to embrace other broken people, with their sins and all, and yet desire to help restore people in Jesus. I don't know what this will look like, but it's a deep desire of mine.
I finished the Genesee Diary, loved it when I was eating it up - thought it was boring when I was just trying to rush through it. I think this quote summarizes were I am in my spiritual journey right now:
"Normally, when I receive many letters I complain that I am too busy, and when I receive none I complain about lack of attention; when I work a lot I complain about lack of time to study and pray, when work little I feel guilty for not making a contribution. In this sense I very much confirmed the vision of the French chaplain who, after 15yrs of hearing confessions, had learned two things: People are not very happy and we never grow up. But during the past few weeks I have felt an inner distance which has allowed me to see my compulsions and therefore to lose them, and I have experienced some new inner freedom."
I think this points to the inner tensions of life that I feel weigh upon me.
Yu-Ling posted at 3/07/2006 07:27:00 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
a real retreat "alone with the Alone".
- Henri Nouwen, The Genesee Diary
Two weeks since I've last updated and I never knew I could feel so tired.
It's not necessarily physical tiredness as I'm getting adequate hours of sleep (although I am getting this dull pain in my chest that hurts once in a while). I think it's really a deeper tiredness that's affecting my entire being - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
Certainly in the last two weeks, there have been some wonderful events in my life. I was able to attend RyersonCCF retreat and see a possible rekindling of passion/purity amongst the guys. Here am I hoping/praying that what happened that weekend doesn't vanish like a dimming candlelight, but rather, can be the beginning of a consuming fire.
At the same time, EMC had our first follow-up meeting of the year. I'm still quite a bit frustrated with the focus on (what I think is) management issues vs. leadership and visioning issues. In the meantime, it is good that many of my partners in ministry recognize my frustration and are willing to collaborate for the growth of our church. I'm reading Ezra and Nehemiah for inspiration as well as practical advice on how to be an urban church (you should definitely read
Renewing the City by Robert Lupton - link on my recommended readings list)
On saturday, it was the last 'official' day of training for the TC Captains. I did a piss-poor job for training that last day, and yet I was genuinely touched by the authenticity and the growth of these captains. TC is in 2 weeks, can't wait to see what happens.
Sunday I missed church (first time in a LONG time). Not sure what is going on physically, but I am coming to a better appreciation about how my physical well-being is intimately related to my emotional and spiritual well-being. The bright side was that I slept til 2pm and I saw some of the Olympic closing ceremonies.
Right now, I just finished reading a section of 'The Genesee diary' by Henri Nouwen. This book is a record of Nouwen's daily journals during his seven-month stay in a Trappist monastery in Genesee, New York. It will be very helpful as I am going to a 3-day silent retreat in a few days.
silence. reflection.
selah.
I need it.
This was an entry taken from Nouwen, on August, Friday the 30th.
This was one of those days that pass with many distractions and few real events. I washed raisins for more than four hours without even finishing the whole job, received a lot of mail that needed immediate attention, talked for a few hours with one of the guests who asked for some help in his life. Finally, I read that depressing weekly, U.S. News and World Report, which is obviously written for businessmen and not for monks.
In fact, this was a 'typical' day when I think about my life before I came here. Busy, active, talkative, but very superficial and without much concentration on anything. It seems good to avoid more of such 'typical days.'
Will tell y'all what a 3-day silent retreat is like when I'm back.
Yu-Ling posted at 2/27/2006 05:54:00 PM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Today, the weather is really cold.
- Thomas
That's how my conversation with Thomas began on sunday. We spoke about the weather - it was really cold that day. I continued speaking to Thomas before worship began and I found out that Thomas really likes the worship and his favorite thing is looking at the screen... it's like watching tv. I also learned that Thomas walks through grange park very early in the morning, and so he's one of the few people sitting in the santuary at 9am. He just quietly observes everything around him with a hint of a smile on his face as he casually rocks back and forth in his seat.
It was a good conversation.
The reason why I found this simple little conversation to be so significant is because a few weeks ago (when Thomas first started sitting close to MY seat during worship) I confessed to my small group that he was a distraction to me during the service.
You see, I never knew Thomas by name, only by reputation. I've seen him around the church and had assumed that he would stay in the cantonese congregation, never getting himself involved in MY space - MY comfort zone. And here he was, sitting close to me during worship, and I could see (out of the corner of my eye) that he was staring at me periodically throughout the whole service.
As if having someone stare at you during worship isn't hard enough, but I had heard by reputation that Thomas was not entirely healthy.
I heard he had mental health issues.
So here was I confessing to my small group that I found him distracting and I don't know what to do. My SG called me on my attitude, and told me to go strike up a conversation with him... ouch.
I admit, I wasn't so much fearful about being able to speak to him, but rather, I was afraid of another draining relationship.
I was afraid that I will invest all this energy into a potential friendship and it will feel as if I have not helped at all.
I was afraid that this potential relationship will begin a process of drainage/suckage of my energies until I will no longer be able to see him.
I was afraid that by beginning a conversation with Thomas, it may lead to all these hypothetically difficult situations that I have created in my head.
Around the same time, I had spoken to Raymond who works at Hong Fook mental health association. During our talk, he revealed to me that the chinese culture has a great stigma about mental health issues.
We tend to avoid it, or we would not acknowledge it.
The chinese church is even worse, he says. They refuse to deal with it. They only acknowledge mental health issues as 'demons', so they will only pray for the person and not seek to restore the person to a better quality of life.
So Hong Fook has broken past the cultural stigma and seeks to help individuals develop a holistic-healthy life. Holistic Health, according to Raymond, includes physical, emotional, MENTAL... and surprisingly, spiritual.
He acknowledges that there is a necessary spiritual component to healing, however, Hong Fook deals mainly with the mental restoration/development of individuals.
They do this by 2 ways: first - through caring, growth of the individual so they can develop better mental capabilities. second - by reaching out into the community so that there will be more understanding and acceptance from the individual's neighbors.
So here am I on the sunday morning at 9am sitting beside Thomas, and I finally get the guts to talk to him. We had a short/simple conversation. We talked about the weather. We spoke about what he likes during worship. We spoke about how he gets to church.
It was a good conversation.
I don't know where this relationship is leading to, but I feel I may grow even more when I speak to Thomas in the future.
Yu-Ling posted at 2/14/2006 11:18:00 AM
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I think good things will happen to you if you help others. It's karma. Christians believe that too, right?
- Kevin (paraphrase)
On tuesday, I spoke to a guy named Kevin who works at a community centre close to my church. Kevin is a loud and boisterous guy and he's quick to share stories and anecdotes about the local community.
He told me about the work of the community centre and how they try to serve at-risk youth. He talked about providing a breakfast club for the young kids because many of them do not have food for the day. He told me of the multiple partnerships that the centre has with other organizations. Really, he was telling me of the hope that they're bringing to the hopeless.
Kevin also spoke about the great needs surrounding my church. Our neighborhood had the most gun violence reported in 2005. Many people are trapped in cycles of poverty. Children who grow up in this environment often feel like they have no options except to join a gang and sell drugs.
What's amazing is that Kevin has a plan to help at-risk youth one at a time. It started with a visit to India where he witnessed first hand the sheer poverty experienced by the children of the sex traders. At the core, Kevin saw that there is a common need in all at-risk youth - whether in Canada or in India - and the need was
hope.
And so, Kevin is going to take several underpriviledged youth from the community, train them for several months, travel to India, and then help serve the underpriviledge youth over there. When they come back, they will have learned leadership skills, developed teaching/faciliating abilities, and more importantly - their hearts will grow bigger for the at-risk youth in their community. And maybe, when these cross-cultural workers come back, they will have hope to grow past their desperate life situation.
What a wonderful, life-changing idea.
I asked Kevin why he chose this life. It surprised me that he attributed his desire for community work to his Christian upbringing. He had key moments in his life where people from the church helped him discover his passion to serve people from the community. I don't think he still attends church, but he strikes me as a very spiritual man. In my conversation with Kevin, he often said that he wanted to help people. It's Karma, he would say, ultimately, it's about giving people hope.
I interviewed Kevin because I wanted to learn how I can better bring Jesus to the community surrounding my church.
When I stepped out of my church and into the community, I found that Jesus was already working there.
Yu-Ling posted at 2/01/2006 07:27:00 PM
Friday, January 27, 2006
It stands to reason, doesn't it, that if the alive-and-present God who raised Jesus from the dead moves into your life, he'll do the same thing in you that he did in Jesus, bringing you alive to himself? When God lives and breathes in you (and he does, as surely as he did in Jesus), you are delivered from that dead life. With his Spirit living in you, your body will be as alive as Christ's!
- Romans 8:11, MSG
TC work has begun. CC is around the corner. TCBC leadership is kicking up. RCCF is crawling along. Tyndale stuff seems everlasting.
God I need to stop and breathe.
| Breathe in love | Breathe out hate |
| Breathe in life | Breathe out death |
| Breathe in peace | Breathe out anxiety |
| Breathe in gentleness | Breathe out tension |
Breathe in God's presence
Breathe out all that distracts me from God
Yu-Ling posted at 1/27/2006 04:58:00 PM
TEENS CONFERENCE IS HERE.
Please pray for the teens.
Please pray for the coaches, rec teams, and other helpers.
Please pray for me (still feeling chest pains).
See y'all next week.
I remember thinking that there's a place to mourn with Jesus, to mourn over his dying for us - even to ACKNOWLEDGE that my sins held him there. But I couldn't help thinking that the church had put so much emphasis on this that it has used this shaming/guilt technique to scare us into being Christians. So I read the passage from 1 Corinthians 11 and in v.24, my NRSV bible says 'this is my body that is FOR YOU. Do this in rememberance of me.' There was a footnote that said, 'other ancient authorities read - is BROKEN FOR YOU'. I started thinking that I acknowledge Jesus' body FOR ME and BROKEN FOR ME. But more than that, I want to move to EMBRACING Jesus' body and his brokeness. This is my desire to embrace other broken people, with their sins and all, and yet desire to help restore people in Jesus. I don't know what this will look like, but it's a deep desire of mine.
I finished the Genesee Diary, loved it when I was eating it up - thought it was boring when I was just trying to rush through it. I think this quote summarizes were I am in my spiritual journey right now:
"Normally, when I receive many letters I complain that I am too busy, and when I receive none I complain about lack of attention; when I work a lot I complain about lack of time to study and pray, when work little I feel guilty for not making a contribution. In this sense I very much confirmed the vision of the French chaplain who, after 15yrs of hearing confessions, had learned two things: People are not very happy and we never grow up. But during the past few weeks I have felt an inner distance which has allowed me to see my compulsions and therefore to lose them, and I have experienced some new inner freedom."
I think this points to the inner tensions of life that I feel weigh upon me.
This was an entry taken from Nouwen, on August, Friday the 30th.
This was one of those days that pass with many distractions and few real events. I washed raisins for more than four hours without even finishing the whole job, received a lot of mail that needed immediate attention, talked for a few hours with one of the guests who asked for some help in his life. Finally, I read that depressing weekly, U.S. News and World Report, which is obviously written for businessmen and not for monks.
In fact, this was a 'typical' day when I think about my life before I came here. Busy, active, talkative, but very superficial and without much concentration on anything. It seems good to avoid more of such 'typical days.'
Will tell y'all what a 3-day silent retreat is like when I'm back.
Around the same time, I had spoken to Raymond who works at Hong Fook mental health association. During our talk, he revealed to me that the chinese culture has a great stigma about mental health issues.
We tend to avoid it, or we would not acknowledge it.
The chinese church is even worse, he says. They refuse to deal with it. They only acknowledge mental health issues as 'demons', so they will only pray for the person and not seek to restore the person to a better quality of life.
So Hong Fook has broken past the cultural stigma and seeks to help individuals develop a holistic-healthy life. Holistic Health, according to Raymond, includes physical, emotional, MENTAL... and surprisingly, spiritual.
He acknowledges that there is a necessary spiritual component to healing, however, Hong Fook deals mainly with the mental restoration/development of individuals.
They do this by 2 ways: first - through caring, growth of the individual so they can develop better mental capabilities. second - by reaching out into the community so that there will be more understanding and acceptance from the individual's neighbors.
So here am I on the sunday morning at 9am sitting beside Thomas, and I finally get the guts to talk to him. We had a short/simple conversation. We talked about the weather. We spoke about what he likes during worship. We spoke about how he gets to church.
It was a good conversation.
I don't know where this relationship is leading to, but I feel I may grow even more when I speak to Thomas in the future.
I interviewed Kevin because I wanted to learn how I can better bring Jesus to the community surrounding my church.
When I stepped out of my church and into the community, I found that Jesus was already working there.
