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Easter Sunday

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- First I thank God I did not witness any Easter Egg search in my church this Easter. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Many years ago El and I were invited to a breakfast with Pastor KW and his family. Pastor KW told me it was his habit to have breakfast with families from his congregation as a form of witness to the resurrection of Christ. Taking the cue from Luke 24:1, at “early dawn” we went for breakfast with anticipation for the resurrection. That habit has never really grown on me. The idea of doing something ritualistic every Easter appeals to me, but I have no idea what is meaningful to do. God has other ideas; he seems to be saying,” Why don’t I give you some food for thoughts every Easter, eh?” (You may be interested in knowing I am developing the theory that God is Canadian instead of American.) Three people among the wonderful group of 300+ worshipful people at TCBC this Easter Sunday were led to me to inspire some thoughts for me to meditate/chew (“hagah”, see Psalm 1:2 and Isa 31:4). Person A: He is seven years old. He usually sits in a wheel chair. Due to some rare disorder that confined him and causes him among many ailments, regular seizures and respiratory problems. It is a very depressing sight to see a wheel chair made for a seven year old. A child’s-wheel-chair has such a malevolence overtone. It is a most touching sight to see the parents nursing this child despite the immense challenge. It is so easy to just give up on the child but through the acknowledgement of him as a creation of God he has been give the dignity of a person. To me it is incarnated love coming from a resurrected Christ. However, I was wondering how as a community should we support this family? I thought we should help to bring up the child. We should help baby sitting the child; do some chores for the family; cook for the family and give them some financial help. How could we not support an incarnated love we have amongst us? But we are not… Person B: There was this intoxicated guy who walked into our church. You know he is intoxicated because you can smell it. He started talking to people randomly. I suspected he was looking for money. As usual I had half an eye on him as I was conversing with people. At one point he approached a couple of girls so I walked over just in case. I was thinking I should just take the guy for a coffee to let him sober up a bit. I was may be a couple steps from him, when this shadowy blue figure appeared between him and me. A badge was flashed and the command,”Move on” was issued. The command was very effective. I think police officers trained to say things like that. The man moved on. I was standing there not sure what to do. Should I go catch up with the guy and buy him a coffee or should I say thank you to the off duty officer? Should I ask the office, “Are you a Christian too?” On the heel of the listen to Greg Boyd talking about the differences between the earthly kingdoms which use power to suppress versus the kingdom of God which uses love to transform (see my last blog entry), something stirred within me but still I did nothing… Person C: This person came to our church a few months ago. We had quite a few great conversations. Today he asked me to help him in a legal manner. (I have to leave out the details) After a few moments of thinking I refused and gave a couple of very good reasons for it. Later I reflected on what I did and I asked my self,”If a family member had the same problem would I help?” The answer was simple. I would without any hesitation. So what is the difference between my family and this brother? Is him not a brother in Christ whom we love as our own family? Honestly, in this case I am quite sure I was right not to help but I am not happy about the fact I felt relieved not to help. My heart was not really into helping. I was asked many times why I always talked about this kind of things or why these kinds of things always happened to me. I do not know the answer to either question. I think it has to do with awareness. I believe any one living, working or just walking around the downtown core will encounter situations similar to mine. The differences may be that of awareness. Some may just choose to ignore them others may not even register such encounters. To me it reminder me of real need for real people and almost always challenged the reality of my faith. In all three cases these were real people God led to me to show me that real help is need right in front of us. Person A showed me how I may support those directly providing help. Person B showed me how I may help is a different manner (love instead of power). Person C showed me how far I may have to go to help and how unprepared I am. These are not fabrications by an overly active imagination. These are not dramatic constructions of a playwrite. The fact that God’s love is needed right here and right now is a very powerful message for us. We do not need to go to Nicaragua to do God’s work. We do not need to build a 10 million dollars building to do God’s work. We don’t need 10 monthly meetings to decide what to do. In a most subversive way we do not even need an insitution to help. I have seen many beautiful people today but the above three caused me some serious thoughts. I felt I am bonded in my middle-class mentality and am not ready to break out to help whoever that requires God’s love. There were middle-class self-protective reservations in me. I was afraid I’ll go too far and lost my self. I was afraid to sacrifice. It would be too painful. It would cost me too much. I can only help when it is convenient to me. Three people on Easter Sunday made me uneasy. I was in no celebration mood on a Sunday where people were baptized. I am down right depressed on this beautiful Easter Sunday; not just for the broken lives I saw; not just for my inability to break out of my middle-class box; not just for the contrast in lives lived; but rather for God’s love unrealized and under estimated. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Question I am asking myself: Am I experiencing darkness of my soul? It seems there are things I cannot change no matter how hard I try or pray? Is it meant to be a thorn so I can always remember to depend on God? -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- Book idea: “Daily Devotional for bookies, junkies and hookers” -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Death, life and resurrection

Until today my lent had been mostly non-existing. I started setting goals but had no will to see through any of them. However, today something happened and just tied all the adventures of this lent season together. Thanatos(Death) Had a rather somber conversation with a colleague and my manger at work. We were just having a coffee but then my colleague told us her father had been diagnosed with Lung cancer. Then tears started flowing. The following are some of the exchanges, paraphrased and reorganized (C-Colleague, M-manager, S-me): C: “It was so sudden. I always had the impression that my father is stronger and even he had been smoking for 50 years I never though it would come to this. It seems my father is this invincible figure.” M: ”You need to be positive. He lived well, had daughters and sons and grand children that loves him.” S: “Death and news of death are always sudden. It is this suddenness that is shocking. It is not easy.” C: “it is as if a clock started ticking. It is as if my clock also started ticking. It is just a matter of a longer count down versus a shorter count down.” S: “When you get pas t40 you suddenly had this sense of time being limited. Especially when you had seen one or more of your peer passing away. It just does not seem right. You reached the top and then all you see are valleys.” M:”I am not 40 yet but close. I have sense that more the last few years since my kids are starting grade school. I felt as if my clock had started ticking too.” C: “I am not sure whether to let him go thought the therapy because the doctors were hinting it may be a very agonizing process. I am not sure how much time will the therapy added to him. I read that the success rate is only about 15%. I am also concern what quality of life will he had with the added years. He is an active and adventurous person. It would kill him to have to stay home and do nothing.” M: “My grandmother had throat cancer and it was hard for her because she could not eat properly and need to feed through a tube.” C: “I wish I could do more for him.” M: “Sure, make sure all the things you want to say to him will be said many times.” S: “Be sure you do not wear yourself out. You may want to do a lot for him but sometimes just being there is enough. He knows what is going on and he likely just want to be with you like every other day doing all the normal things like sharing a meal. Keep yourself together; you’ll have more to face later.” Death awoke so much in us. Death keeps our perspective real. Certainly the time we spent in front of the mirror admiring the reflection does not mean much once death’s perspective comes in. All the things we do for our body seems so inconsequential. Later my manger told me he does not consider himself to be a Christian. He had been to church and read the Bible before but then he dropped off. He considers himself believing in “some” God. (i.e. a deities) However, he did say, “I suppose in times like this having faith is really important.” Zoe(Life) Sunday is the message given, Monday is the message realized. I wish to spend more time in studying and writing because I cannot do justice to the subject by giving it less than my focused attention. This urge gets stronger as I get older because I can do less in my spare time than before. Make a living with my work is good but I wish for more as in the case of both making a living and making a contribution. Sometime when the contribution factor is not as prominent you have the feeling you are wasting your time. When your work is supposed to be your main focus or business and when the other parts stepped in too much you feel you are stepping over your boundary. It is like gossiping or you are stepping into other people’s business. Especially when you ran into some contention you ask what I have done to myself, kind of suffering for nothing. So what to do? Change career? However, I would not be total satisfied with an academic career that would be not “doing” enough. What to do? Was listening to a message by Rob Bell and Sister Virginia. In the introduction part she explained that God had called he to take the vows of Poverty, Celibacy and Charity. ( I hope I got that right) It suddenly dawned on calling may not be a command to do some thing but a vow to continue a path that God had intended for you. It is not as much a goal to achieve but a promise to be consistent in moving towards the goal. Achieving is not everything and is mostly out of our control but the insistent that this is the path can be in our hands. Orthodoxy(abv.:od) vs. Orthopraxy(abv:op) I started thinking about this through the reading of Karen Armstrong. She mentioned this guy by the name of Hyam Maccoby, who mentioned that Judaism is about od not op and I quote: “Theology is just not important in Judaism, or in any other religion, really, [except Christianity],” he said. In Judaism, “there is no orthodoxy as you have it in the Catholic Church. No complicated creeds to which everybody must subscribe. No infallible pronouncements by a pope. Nobody can tell Jews what to believe. Within reason, you can believe what you like.” (That’s what led me to read 13 principles of faith of Maimonides) Can we have a set of believes without the right actions? My instinct would say no but my observation would reply with a resounding yes. And is that our problem. It also brought back readings on liberation theology with the emphasis in Praxis. It would be too easy to say that real faith embraces both. That in fact is an od answer. By saying that we again affirm that we are more concern with od than op. A real op person would not even say I agree that is why I am in Peru working with farmers. My church TCBC is a church full of activities and programs. It is certainly OP in appearance but we are also OD. The trouble is OD is not drawn from authorized source but rather was people who have been given authority and more often than not the OD is their OD not the authorized OD. Now should I not accept their authority as God given? Of course not, same argument for the infallibility of the Pope can be applied. I think we have a false OD and a false OP both in scope and in content. I think that is also the difference between “doing” and “being”. “Doing” can be OP or OD. :Being” is both OD and OP. Well, that is for now, more on this later. I have also been reading and listening to Greg Boyd. I came across his name while reading the “out of Ur” Blog: (http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/03/kingdom_confusi.html). I then went to the church site and listened to his sermons. (http://www.whchurch.org/content/page_274.htm) (4/18/2004 – Taking America Back for God?, 4/25/2004 – The Difference Between the Two Kingdoms, 5/2/2004 – Abortion: A Kingdom of God Approach, 5/2/2004 – Abortion: A Kingdom of God Approach) I also found this bit about his book Repenting of Religion: Turning from judgment to the love of God (Baker Books) (http://www.misskathrynmarie.hostica.com/) and I quote from the review: "Boyd states that three-quarters of the American population, or more (roughly 225 million people) are guilty of the sin of gluttony, whereas roughly two million people are guily of the sin of homosexuality. Not surprisingly, there are far more biblical admonitions against gluttony than there are against homosexuality. In fact, the number of verses is not even close. And, he adds, if you consider gluttony to be a form of greed, which is not that big a stretch when we consider that Americans constantly overeat while much of the world goes hungry, then that further increases the number of biblical references [that apply], and further increases the dastardly nature of the crime." Interetsing… Interesting church slogan: (http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/archives/church_ads.html) Anastasis(Resurrection) Lent is about to climax at the resurrection. This has certainly been a very strange lent season. I was thinking of spending time in reflection but I ended up reading way too much stuff: Breuggermen, Weterman, Peterson, Sanders, Wright, Barton, Moltman, Sugirtharajah, Goldingay, Alter, Ellul and the 13 principles of faith of Maimonides. (http://www.mesora.org/13principles.html) It had been tiring but it had been good. What has resurrection has to do with all this? Lent is really about remembering. Remembering that 2000 years ago there was this guy JC who was man and God. He died but his spirit remained. In reading and reflecting his reality became a real reality in everything we do from a casual conversation full of tears to tears flowed from reading too much small prints in dim lights. I am not where I wanted my self to be or who He wanted me to be. However, instead of saying this is not the way and thinking I should enjoy myself more, look more handsome, reward myself and just live in the now. I should remember the past and live as much in the future as in the present. (I think that is true Eschatology and not some Left behind badly written pseudo-fiction) I had a long and winding road ahead but I am not turning back. This is the message of lent.

Monday blues and gossip

Sunday is so important to me. I start looking forward to Sunday early Monday morning. It often seems Monday is a reentrance of sort to purgatory. Even when there were exciting and engaging events on a Monday, there always seems to be a lingering handover from the engaging conversation and deep fellowship with God an the community on Sundays. I shared the sentiment of what Peter said at Christ transfiguration, “Let’s make three tents, one for you, one for Moses and one of Elijah and let us just stay here.” In out era glory does not come as often as we wish so whenever and wherever we have the experience we tend to stay as long as we can there. For me the experience is not limited to Sunday. At time I read some writings often by exceptional theologians where they elucidated profound biblical truth, I had this feeling of divine presence that paled everything else. There and then I look around and may that be the scene outside my study window or the people in the library or the just my workstation I became depressed and asked why the world is so poor in spirit. Yet Monday was created as good according to Gen 1, it may be not very good as on the Sabbath but still good. Monday is the reality and if the incarnation message of the gospel cannot be real on Monday then Sunday is just a dream. Monday is not inferior to Sunday or any divine moments. Monday is a different kind of moment. Yes, it certainly involves struggles. But, without the struggles the Sunday would be so meaningless. Worship, what is it? Why do I find it more meaningful to talk to someone in depth about his or her life than sing a bunch of worship songs? Subsequently why are we putting so much effort in singing worship songs and not talk to each other meaningfully in edifying speech? Why do musicians try to be theologians? Why do leaders let/ask musicians be theologians? While I was thinking about worship and community, for some reason I ended up with lines from the movie Jerry McGuire: “Help me help you.” (say to people who are not talking when you try to help them) “You complete me.”(say to people you apprecaite in the community, yeas, it is theological correct) “You had me at Hello” (say to the ushers to encourage them) Gossip I thought about not posting this but I cahnged my mind. Recently, it had come to my attention that the title of the Sunday school class “Romancing the Bible” had created a little stir. Apparently, I was told someone (or some people) took to wonder what I was about to teach. Fortunately, someone came to my aid and defended for me while I have no knowledge of what had transpired. I initially took that as a joke, and may I add quite a funny one, then I took seriously offence by it. The simple fact is why not talked to me? Am I such a scary person to talk to? If we are truly a community of faith should not there be some simple communication? And if there are real concerns should not the concern be deal with in a serious and open manner instead of bouncing through a couple of intermediate channels? The fact of the matter is whoever took to wonder obviously has no idea I took the title partially from a book about the history and lore of bible translations, “Romance of the Translators and Scholars”. And he/she/they have likely never read Keats, Tennyson, Blake and Wordsworth or for that matter little interest in Schubert, Schumann and Tchaikovsky. I was hurt because it seems all my years of teaching in the church mean little in the confident given to me. The hardest part is I believe that when you serve in the church the church needs to give the person support by endorsement. In fact that should be the case in all organization. I ask then how may you build up people? That really hurts. It hurts even more when I got the hint that the comments may have come from a leader in the church. A few years back I would have just quit. Now, no way, not even if I was asked to. I know my students enjoyed the time we have every week and I do have the confident that this is where God had given the opportunity for me to serve. So I am staying where I am. However, I do pray whoever made the comments can talk to me face to face.

Two books

In my last entry I mentioned that I was reading this book “The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness” by Karen Armstrong. I was attracted to this book because of her book, “A History of God” fame. However, it turns out to be more interesting than I thought. The book began with her leaving the convent where she had been a num for 7 years. She then went on to describe her grappling with the grief of her abandoned path and the uncertainty of her place in the world. She described an incident that epitomized the habits that was formed. She was beginning her study at Oxford was late for a meal and she bent down and kissed the floor. The “kissing the floor when late for a meal” action was the rule at the convent. It was because of the years she spent in the convent she has became a Pavlov‘s dog. Everything was conditioned. Armstrong also spent years suffering from undiagnosed temporal lobe epilepsy, causing her to have frequent blackout lapses in memory and disturbing hallucinations---crippling symptoms that her psychiatrist adamantly attributed to Armstrong's denial of her femininity and sexuality. Later she failed her doctoral thesis examination and ended up teaching at a private girl school. She was subsequently let go because of her frequent absences due to her epilepsy. After the long string of failure she ended up doing religious television series which was not much of a success either. Then finally the book “A History of God” had finally made her known. At the end of the book (p305) she said: “I tried to break away from the convent but I still live alone, spend my days in silence, and am almost wholly occupied in writing, thinking, and speaking about God and spirituality. I have come full circle. This reminds me of the staircase in Eliot's Ash-Wednesday, which I picture as a narrow spiral staircase. I tried to get off it and join others on what seemed to me to be a broad, noble flight of steps, thronged with people. But I kept falling off, and when I went back to my own twisting stairwell I found a fulfillment that I had not expected. Now I have to mount my staircase alone. And as I go up, step by step, I am turning, again, round and round, apparently covering little ground, but climbing upward, I hope, toward the light.” There were quite a few things that caught my attention: Firstly, T. S. Eliot's Ash Wednesday, a series of six poems that speaks to the process of spiritual recovery. Eliot metaphorically climbs a spiral staircase in these poems---turning again and again to what he does not want to see as he slowly makes progress toward the light. I have never read it until now. It is definitely quite a piece of provocative writing and it fits her journey. On reflecting, I am wondering how much of our lives is like that, spiraling and always at the deepest level dealing with the same issues. My hope and prayer is that indeed all this is leading towards the light. Secondly, the habits formed (or being conditioned) in the convent is really attractive. I mean how often we wish we can be conditioned to act totally holy. I thought if I could spend 7 years and be conditioned to love God and behave as such would just be great. However, is this really what loving God mean? Since we are no longer choosing but rather conditioned. Then, what is wrong being conditioned to love God. After all the initial choice was ours to make. Thirdly, there was an episode where she was boarding with a family with an autistic child. The child was very active and very talkative. However there seems to be two things that can clam him down. One is music. The book described how the child listened inventively to Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony. The other is worship. The book described how she took the child to mass on Sunday. The singing, the liturgy and the incense all ended up soothing the child enormously. I was so astonished by this. I was wondering how the reformed emphasis of the spoken word will do for this child. He would not understand even the most brilliant exposition. Yet in the stoic ancient liturgy he found solace. Did we with all the senses intact lost the ability to reach the transcendent experience through our senses? Are we overly rationalizing our worship experiences? It seems to me God is here and we are here is all we need for meaningful worship. Many brilliant minds had walked before us and gave us enormous amount of wisdom in worship and we just want to tell them they did not get it right. Then, the book finally got to the part about the television series. She did a series on Paul which was not meant to be a favorable review. The emphasis was on how Paul has distorted the original gospel message and how he had influenced even the early gospel writing. However, there was his part that she mentioned she was talking to Hyam Maccoby about early Judaism. And he said Judaism has “orthopraxy” and not “orthodoxy”. Wow, what a bombshell. I mean we so often heard Christians talked about being orthodox (for us it is evangelical which essentially mean the same thing), however may be we miss the boat entirely. It is what we do not what we say we believe. I need to think more about this, hopefully more on this later. If you are interested you can hear an interview about this book with Karen Armstrong here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4541458 I also came across a name in the book she mentioned: Micheal Goulder. I intended to find out more about his works. http://homepages.which.net/~radical.faith/guide/liturgical%20jesus.htm http://www.newint.org/issue155/atheist.htm I also finished reading “Searching for God Knows what” by Donald Miller. It actually was similar to Armstrong’s book in the sense that he talked about him losing faith and later regaining it. I found him engaging but did not evoke as much empathy as Armstrong. He definitely has a creative mind. The first chapter was similar hilarious. He mentioned a couple of ideas of Christian novel which just kills me. His book can be summarized by 3 words: ”not formula” and “relationship”. His last couple of chapters was most intriguing. There he proposed the idea that there were salvation motifs all through Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. In the overly romanticized balcony scene. (btw, I was there in Verona a while back while we tour Europe and saw the alleged balcony) “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo, Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I’ll no loner be a Capulet.” (p224) “It struck me as I read these lines, however, that no less of a proposition would be made by Christ in the Gospel of Luke: Now great multitudes went with Him. And He turned and said to them, "If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple." (14:25—26 NKJV) I used to read this passage and think of Jesus as difficult and strict and, to be honest, I didn't like Him for saying it. But when I saw it in the context of the balcony scene of Romeo and Juliet, the same ideas being expressed in an effort for two people to unite, it became something different, and I confess, I wouldn't want the language to be any less strict. Language less strict might suggest love less pure. True love, love in its highest form, must cost the par¬ticipants everything. Both parties would have to be willing to give up everything in order to have each other. In exchange for what Scripture calls repentance, by renounc¬ing our natures, by admitting our own brokenness, we may take all of Christ, identifying ourselves with His righteousness.” Wow, how about reading Romeo and Juliet and the Gospel of Luke together. Just for fun let us throw in the Song of Songs as well. Btw, he is in town for a conference on April 8: http://www.epconference.net/

A profound conversation with mom

Mom and I were talking over supper. She was commenting on a dish and said, “I put only one tomato in afraid that it may taste sour.” I sensed something not quite right about the statement. I thought for a minute and said, ”Mom, it is not how many tomato you put in, it is whether the tomato you put in is sour or not. If the tomato was sour, even one will result in a sour taste. If the tomato is sweet putting ten in just make it sweeter.” Mom nodded in agreement, some what lethargically. This was a most profound conversation of Socrates proportion. There is at least three great telling lessons to be learn. Firstly, we often address a problem with asking wrong question. In the business world, when a project is late instead of asking about why it is late often the question is how much more resources do we need. Wrong question will never find the right answer. Asking the right question is half way to the solution. Secondly, reducing the problem is often the most obvious response. See how my mom solved the question of whether the tomato was sour or not. She reduced the risk to the minimum. Not that she was wrong but she was not really facing the problem. The problem will continue to re-occur. Actually later she added, “next time I should check the tomato and if it was sour. If it was then I’ll add some sugar.” Now that was a much better solution. Thirdly, how quantity is more obvious then quality. We are so governed by numbers that it is not even funny. I remembered years ago there was this preacher preaching the need of every one of us to go and save souls. He asked us to sing the hymn, “Must I go and empty handed”. Man, if I ever felt guilty, it was then. Baring the fact that really is not about saving soul, even if it is, it is not about how many. There are so much implications in that little conversation. It has the broadest implication. It is not about how many activities you are participating in the church. It is really about the quality of the activities. It is not about how many people are there every Sunday in you church it is about the quality of people there. Megachurch = MegaBull. (yes, you can quote me) In understanding the bible it is really about whether you ask the right question for that piece of text. In understanding of the text, it is not about how well you understand. There is really no end to that. It is about the competency to understand. In the matter of temptation, the less effective response is to minimize the problem, not that it cannot be effective. Rather it is better to face the problem and see what quality of character you need to change so you eventually put a complete end to temptation. My man, love my mom, she is profound. I am comtemplating about putting her on a pedestal right next to Henri Nouwen.

Ash Wednesday

I have always treated Lent as an important concept. Yes, concept only and not quite reality. I have experience great liturgical worship at Lent and I have practiced some form of fasting in the Roman Catholic tradition but I have not quite experience it as a period of renunciation of self in the light of recognizing the saving grace resulted from the resurrection. That is until now. Last week, I brought the subject up with the Sunday School class and reflected on what is the meaning of a boarder sense of fasting, i.e. giving up certain things willingly during this period. I questioned the value of practicing this sense of fasting. The reason I questioned the practice it was that I have witnessed this practice in my circle of acquaintances. I saw them proudly proclaimed that they were giving up things like MSN, snacks or dating. Then after Easter they celebrate their accomplishments and reverted back. I suspected some even went on a binge to recapture their lost opportunities as part of the celebration. So there were really no progresses after all. I see the value of fasting lies ultimately as a discipline for pursuing the last fruit of the spirit, namely self control. I think if that objective is not met then there is little value in the practice. I must say I relent somewhat now. There are many vices and indulgences in my life I wish I could eliminate. Some are habitual while others are just hedonistic plunges. On the past Ash Wednesday I experienced something very interesting. I was about to indulge in one of my vices (spare you the details so thou shall not be tempted) then suddenly I remember today is Ash Wednesday. I told myself at least I should try harder today. Another voice said, “it is nonsense, just enjoy yourself for there may not be a tomorrow. Look every one lese is doing it. By the way, you should know God’s presence is not much of a high when compare to these ecstasies.” Then the angelic voice took over and asked, “Do you value the encounter with God less than these enjoyments? Do you not love God more than these? Do you not want to experience the freedom to love and live in God’s presence?” There and right there I stalled. I could not believe I actually controlled myself. I did not have any ecstasy type of spiritual experience not was I taken to seven heavens. I did feel I finally did right and I realized what devotion means. While I was not about to eliminate any of my vices, on that occasion I had some how controlled it. This I can take with me and move forward as an experience that will take me closer to God’s guidance. So my conclusion now is, go for the practice but do reflect on it. It is not he practice itself or actual behavior change that will determine the value of the exercise. It is the competency in self-denial in the smallest act that was initiated and may someday grow to full blossom. That is the value of Lent fasting practice. I am reading Karen Armstrong’s biography “The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness”. (You can read her profile here : http://www.who2.com/karenarmstrong.html) She was a nun who recanted and later found God again. Coincidentally her first day of return to secular world was on Ash Wednesday. She wrote about that in this book and she also quoted the first part of the poem “Ash Wednesday” by T.S. Elliot. (Read it here: http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poet=3062&poem=84366). At one point she mentioned what did not work for her in the convent was her inability to concentrate in prayer. In her seven years in the convent she was not able to do that. Is not that astonishing? Not really. I have seen many people with very active church life but not much of a prayer life. The scariest thing is that God will still use us to bless others but we may be left out in the cold with no blessings because we have not learn to pray. Part of this reflection was also the result of reading Nouwen. I am certainly no expert on Nouwen but without reading him I have no idea what reflection on one’s life is about. The first book I read by him was “The wounded Healer”. It was simply so powerful a book. I gave it to a friend and he said it was an excellent analysis on modern man. I was very disappointed when he said that because I believe he missed the point entirely. It is not the analysis but the perceptive of a wounded man and how he may be healed through Christ and become a healer himself that is powerful. I remember reading someone who wrote about Nouwen and said his power in his writing comes from his candor and honesty in exposing his own weaknesses. I saw that and I remember in one of his books he said something like “the most personal is the most universal”. The true but annoying fact is that it took me more than 10 years to reach a point of saying I am finally reflecting honestly about my own spiritual life.. First Sunday of Lent: reflection on how the Bible comes alive for me. Ecclesiastes 12:11-12 (The Message) The words of the wise prod us to live well. They're like nails hammered home, holding life together. They are given by God, the one Shepherd. But regarding anything beyond this, dear friend, go easy. There's no end to the publishing of books, and constant study wears you out so you're no good for anything else. In Sunday School we are about to get into a discussion on the Canon. It dawned on me really how important the scripture is. There is so much in it that goes straight to the core of the matters in life. There is really nothing like it. Sure, studying the scripture took me to study other subjects such as language, history and theology. These subjects are indeed beasts in themselves and can take up your entire life in its pursuit and they are awful lots of fun too. However, without the scripture these are really castles in the air that vanish in the blink of an eye. I am speculating that “constant study wears you out” may be referring to the physical act of moving huge scrolls around given that was the manner of books at the time of the writing. Today we have huge heavy books but after getting my first pair of reading glasses, I can see there are modern equivalent.

hmm...

I came across this recently: (pls do not ask me why!!) http://www.wilk4.com/humor/humorc4.htm Top 10 Christian Pick-up Lines I just don't feel called to celibacy. Did I tell you that my great-uncle was a personal friend of Billy Graham? I don't see it myself, but people tell me I look like Michael W. Smith. What do you think Paul meant when he said, 'Greet everyone with a holy kiss'? You have the body of Amy Grant and the soul of Mother Teresa. (DO NOT get this confused!) You know, I'm really into relationship evangelism. I'm pretty flexible--I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date. Before tonight, I never believed in predestination... Just looking at you makes me feel all ecumenical. I hear there's going to be a love offering tonight. Top 10 Lines Christian Women Use to Break-up I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual. I'm sorry, it's just not God's will. I feel called to the ministry very soon and very far from you as soon as possible. I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic. God loves me and must have a better plan for my life. You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother. At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together. You need someone with lower standards. I think we should just be prayer partners. I do love you, but it's just agape now. I add a few of my own: I bet you look great in fig-leaves. (Expected response: slapx2) Do you want to help me fulfil my calling to the ministry? I am finishing my degree in divinity; all I need now is a wife. In order to prevent me from going to hell, you must help me to stop my impure thoughts towards you. You must marry me. (Serious theological and logical faults) My sister, you have a big problem, you have a sinful body; but don’t worry I am here to share your burden of sin with you. (Expected response: Bad boy, really bad boy, slapx10) You have the gift of seduction; I am willing to let you exercise that gift on me. (Thanks YL for the inspiration) Go to KFC and then hold up the drum stick you just finish and say:” bones of my bone flesh of my flesh.” (Expected response: “you are an idiot”) Do you want to study the Song of Songs together? “Let us study theology together. I am sure that with our books open before us, there will be: more words of love than “agapeo” and “phileo”; more insights into erotology than neo-orthodox theology; more thoughts of passion than hermeneutic question; more merry acts of affection than Calvin’s theory of predestination; more melody of adoration than eschatological speculation. ” (Inspired by Abelard and Heloise, look it up, very interesting love story of a medieval theologian, the story actually has ramification on his theology, expected response: say what?) When someone drinks from a water fountain or drink anything for that matter, it helps if her name is Rebecca too: “As Rebecca drew from the well, The servant thought she was swell, Now you are drawing from a new well, Let us weave our love into a fresh tale” On another note: I finally killed Queen Dedrianna and freed the people of Arulco last night. It was really exhilerating.