Chris versus Christ

It turns out that it's not just any old fight that Chris Brown has picked in The Philippines - oh, no, he's taking on Jesus himself:

Brown has become embroiled in a disagreement with Church of Christ following a gig which was meant to take place on New Year's Eve 2014. Brown pulled out of the gig but, according to the church who helped fund the gig, he was paid $1m (£645,000) for his time.

I know what you're thinking: what the hell is a church doing paying Chris Brown anything at all for a gig, never mind a million dollars. Perhaps Brown kept the money to teach the church not to get involved in this sort of the deal. They do say the Lord moves in mysterious ways...

Chris Brown: now free

Disappointing news for schadenfreude fans: Chris Brown is out of the Philippines:

Journalists saw Brown and around 10 others boarding his private plane parked at an airport hangar, with one taking a selfie before going into the plane.

Tan said Brown obtained the departure clearance at the bureau's extension office and not at the main office in downtown Manila where dozens of journalists were staking out.

She said the clearance was given after "verifying that Chris Brown has no other derogatory record apart from the (immigration lookout bulletin)" that was issued Wednesday.

No other derogatory records? Has she not heard Fortune?

How's Chris Brown getting on in the Philippines?

It sounds like he's not doing well, being held in the country over a contract dispute:

in his third video the 26-year-old was filmed on his knees and saying, "Please, please, let us leave, please,” suggesting Brown was becoming increasingly concerned about his situation. The video was captioned, "OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!" but has since been removed from his page.

Brown also published a series a panicked tweets denying any wrong-doing and claiming he was trapped in a “serious situation” that someone needed to be held accounted for.

I have nothing to do with anything going on right now. I came back to Manila to do a make up show for New Years. I did the show 3 days ago

This is a very serious situation and someone needs to be held accountable for mixing my name up in all this. I've done nothing wrong!!!

If only Chris Brown wasn't such a reprehensible person, it might be possible to feel sorry for him. Instead, it's just amusing. I'm guessing the plan is for him to be held in the country until he's given the nation entertainment to the value of the million dollars they say they paid him for the gig he never played.

Someone doesn't want Chris Brown to go

This must be a strange feeling for Chris Brown - normally, whenever he turns up people can't wait for him to bugger off again. In the same way the Queen believes all public buildings smell of paint, Brown must assume that everyone in the world is just about to go to bed at every point in time.

But at last, someone is saying 'don't go, Chris Brown. Don't go."

Unfortunately for Brown, it's the Philippines authorities and they're pretty much holding him because of a legal dispute.

Ironically, the dispute that's keeping him in the country is as a result of a time when he didn't turn up before:

Brown’s visit to the Philippines had appeared to be going smoothly after he performed a concert Tuesday evening in front of a crowd in Manila, the capital.

But that same night, authorities issued an order to stop any attempts by him to leave. It was put in place to compel him to pay money that promoters said was owed to them after he failed to appear for a previous appearance scheduled for last New Year’s Eve.

Brown is apparently confused by it all. That's not entirely surprising, though.

Journey help out with typhoon relief

Journey have announced a $350,000 donation to the food programme getting vital supplies out to the Philippines after the typhoon.

"Don't stop believing, help is on the way for the people of the Philippines," said [Manila native and Journey lead singer] Arnel Pineda, who is leading the efforts to mobilize the coalition of partners.

If it had been me, I might have chosen not to shoehorn the song title into the statement, but even so: generous work, Journey.

[You can be like Journey, and donate to the Philippines relief programme via the DEC]