Borrell "chooses" jogging

Borrell is now telling anyone who'll listen how keeping fit is better than living with Kirsten Dunst:

"I couldn't be happier single,” Borrell told the Sun. “I'm enjoying myself. I'm doing lots of running - keeping fit - and loads more gigs with the band. Everything's going really well."

Yes. That must be much better than having sex with Kirsten Dunst. Yes. Running. We imagine there's lots and lots of running, Johnny. We've seen A Voyage Round My Father. "When you have the dreams, put on a pair of shorts and go for a run..."

Johnny Borrell is the MC Scat Cat of our time

You remember MC Scat Cat: he was the male vocalist on Paula Abdul's Opposites Attract. She hated cigarettes, he liked to smoke. Just like Johnny Borrell and Kirsten Dunst, it turns out:

"She couldn't stand the smell of stale fags, beer and kebabs in her nice living room. Can't say I blame her, really."

Unlike an animated cat boyfriend, though, this is all two steps back, with no steps forward.

"We were leading different lifestyles. It's over. She believes in equality, that a bloke should chip in with the housework."

We imagine at this point, Borrell's PR person coughed loudly.

"Fair enough, but I'm messy, and I love messing around with bikes."

How sweet of Borrell to concede that being asked to stick a hoover round occasionally is "fair enough". It's like one of them new men you read about in the papers, isn't it?

Johnny then goes on to list some other ways in which the couple were total opposites:

"I have been incredibly busy recording our latest album and I'd be rolling in at all hours, when she'd be getting up to go on set filming How To Lose Friends & Alienate People."

He's a late night rock star, she's a daytime film star.

"I'm very much a night owl, and she's up with the lark."

Um... that's the same thing, isn't it?

"She's a really cool girl and she loves London and Britain."

... while Borrell isn't and doesn't, we can only conclude.

Not that Johnny cares, of course, as he's simply too busy to have a girlfriend:

"My focus now is on breaking America. So there's not really time for a love life. There was no one else involved. Besides, we've been performing at festivals and touring nonstop and barely have time to think, let alone go out on a date."

And yet you still found the time to make the place stink of beer, ciggies and kebabs.

Dunst boots Borrell

Apparently - and we'll have to take the Daily Mail's word for this - the brief period of cohabitation for Johnny Borrell out of the Borrellsound Experiment and Kirsten Dunst out of the Spidermans is over.

Because Borrell is slovenly, it turns out:

Kirsten is incredibly tidy – she is obsessive when it comes to cleaning. Johnny is messy and it was driving her mad,' says a friend of the couple.

'Kirsten has asked him to move back into the place he shares with an old pal in nearby Muswell Hill. They are taking some time out.'

Borrell is, at least, better at taking time out than taking the trash out.

Borrell returns to dust; returns to Dunst

What can be more romantic than a man deciding he'd like to move in with you because, erm, his old house has fallen down. We're not entirely sure how one of the walls in Johnny Borrell's place collapsed - perhaps people had just banged their heads against it listening to him talk one time too many - but as the house has collapsed anyway, he's decided he might as well move in with Dunst.

Johnny Borrell considering demanding own country

Obviously, after a hard day having to work in near proximity to the common folk who make up the "Johnny Borrell's backing band" out of Johnny Borrell and The Johnny Borrell Experience, the last thing Johnny Borrell wants to do is spend his time off standing about with ordinary people. You know the type - people who wear jeans which aren't white, or wear shirts at all; the type who have never written a song sung by everyone in the country.

So when Borrell and Kirsten Dunst turned up at Electrowerkz in Islington, they were distraught to discover other people were there. They demanded their own VIP area to keep them separate from the general oikery. Apparently, such a fuss was made the management eventually agreed, but it sounds like what they did was empty out a cupboard, stuck up a hastily-scrawled "Johnny Borrell's special super secret area - keep out!!!" with a skull and crossbones in the corner, and let them sit in there all night on an upturned box of lever arch files.

We're not quite sure what the point of going out to a nightclub and then spending the whole evening sat in a room by yourself would be, but at least it gets you out the house.

Transport For London has announced it is currently considering proposals for special "Borrell-only lanes" to be added to the capital's streets.

Borrell changes alone

Despite his love of showing off his chest at the drop of a hat, it seems Johnny Borrell is quite shy. He refused to share a changing room during the weekend's soccer sixes competition (celeb football thingy) and wanted his own space. The 3AM Girls have the story:

DATING Spider-star Kirsten Dunst seems to have puf fed up Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell's ego. At the Soccer Six tournament at West Ham on Sunday, the 27-year-old, snubbed the changing areas used by other celebs to change on his tour bus.

That is so unfair. Borrell's ego was pumped up to maximum long before he started dating Kirsten Dunst.

Singalongaspiderman

Often, we've woken in the middle of the night thinking that it's strange nobody makes musicals about superheroes - after all, both are nothing without glorious costumes and are based on the idea of apparently ordinary people suddenly doing extraordinary things (either bursting into song, or being faster than a speeding bullet.) Then we wake up in the morning, and realise it's a stupid idea which would be the financial equivalent of offering your kidneys on Freecycle, and forget the idea.

Now, though, we hear that Bono and The Edge have signed up to get into musical theatre by providing a score for a song-and-dance version of Spiderman.

Yes, Spiderman: The Musical.

Meanwhile, it seems that hanging around with Johnny Borrell (yes, that's all back on) is rubbing off on Kirsten Dunst, as she's putting on a superb strop at the backstage rejiggling for Spiderman 4:

"It's disrespectful to the whole team, I think, to do that," she tells Entertainment Weekly about the prospective of big name cohorts dropping out. "And audiences aren't stupid. It'd be a big flop without me, Tobey or Sam. That would really not be the smartest move. But they know that already. [Sony chief] Amy Pascal would never do that."

You could, however, sack the drummer and guitarist without disturbing things overmuch...

Borrell sacks Dunst; possibly to show Razorlight "nobody's unexpendable"

We've been wondering how, exactly, we could measure the distance between reality and wherever it is that Johnny Borrell is these days. Then, handily, along comes a yardstick: He's dumped Kirsten Dunst. Or, at least, they've split, and it's being spun as him having dumped her:

"Johnny and Kirsten had a very passionate romance - they were completely blown away by each other at first.

They spent all their time together. Kirsten even made herself at home in Johnny's London pad.

But now Johnny's realised she's not the one for him. He dumped her at the weekend and has gone back to his old girlfriend."

Good lord. He probably though he was dating beneath himself.

[EDIT: Yes, the headline did originally say "expendable". I am an idiot.]

Dunst defends doing Debbie

In perhaps a sign that prepublicity for the movie isn't going as smoothly as the studios would probably have hoped, Kirsten Dunst has started trying to defend her casting in the lead on the Deborah Harry biopic:

"Debbie chose me for this role so anyone who disputes this can take it up with her.

I'll work hard on this character because she is the coolest woman of all time."

Just as a general point, you probably shouldn't ask someone "who would you want to play you in the story of your life" - for example, in No Rock - The Movie, I'd cast John Simm to play me. The rest of the world, though, would be putting in a call to Danny DeVito.

Oh-oh-oh, there's pairings in America

Of course, warmest congratulations to John from Johnny Borrell's Razorlights on the news that he's now dating way beyond his spherr. In his desperate bid to turn himself into Chris Martin, he's now moved in with Kirsten Dunst, Dunst taking the Paltrow role.

You do wonder how he's going to do that song about how the US, and in particular its entertainment industry in particular, is full of empty dreams now he's shacked up with a Hollywood actress.