Gordon in the morning: Oh, alright, afternoon, then

Gordon's byline doesn't appear on the coverage of Blake Fielder Civil's day in court yesterday, but he's clearly cast his eyes over the report:

She then flew into full Peggy Mitchell mode and screamed: “I love you handsome, gorgeous one.”

Blake mouthed back: “Alright baby?”

Flaming Nora. This pair make the BBC soap look like bleeding Shakespeare.

Isn't 'flaming Nora' more Corrie than EastEnders? And "bleeding Shakespeare"? Really?

In fact: what does that even mean? That the real-life events in court yesterday were more poorly scripted than a soap opera?

Also today, there's another picture of Nicola Roberts. You'll recall Gordon calling her a dog earlier in the week:

Earlier this week I showed you a shot of Nicola with no make-up on as she took delivery of a wardrobe at her home. But scrubbed up here, she looks a totally different woman.

Goodness. Apparently people look more presentable when turning up at a launch of their make-up range than they do when they get out of bed to answer the front door. Who'd have thought it, eh?

Gordon also offers a picture of Kate Lawler, Michelle Heaton and someone else in their pants. The idea, apparently, is to try and sell pants, but Gordon apparently finds it near-fatal:

They shouldn’t find it hard to get a date on February 14 – as they’re already giving fellas everywhere a heart attack.

Goodness. That's terrible. Heart attacks, you say?

Kerrang picks up Big Brother presenter

Last week, Ofcom reduced the amount of new music Kerrang had to play on its Birmingham FM station. This week, Kerrang have announced that Kate Lawler is taking over the breakfast show from current host Ugly Phil.

Kate Lawler at breakfast, eh? Let's hope nobody remembers RI:SE.

Oh, no Big Bruvver...

Thus far, attempts by Big Brother's performing bears to spin a musical career out of their time in the house: Craig from series one released an album before he found a new career wearing dungarees on higher-numbered satellite channels; the rumoured reverse-engineering of an actual pop star out of fake pop star Chantelle never took.

Now, though, Kate Lawler is trying her luck with a single. Although, strictly speaking, she's remixing rather than actually making her own record - It's Love (Trippin'), to be precise.

Good luck competing with The Twins' cover of We Are The Cheeky Girls, Kate.

Jesus, it must be great, to be Kate

There are a couple of curious things about this Ananova story - Kate Lawler admits she snogged Blue singer; firstly - "I broke off a relationship because, um, the boy was attractive to women" just doesn't ring true, does it?; secondly, I'm hugely pleased that it took me ages to remember who Kate Lawler actually was. She was in Big Brother last year. So, nobody, then.