Gordon in the morning

Gordon has a bit of a struggle filling the page today, having to run with a story about Liam Gallagher. Although there's something almost cute about the thought of Liam Gallagher sometimes having a kickabout with his son before classes start, can it be the best the Prime Minister Of Showbiz can muster for a lead is a "man takes his kid to school" story?

We hear Ray Quinn is thinking of nipping to Morrisons later today, Gordon - you might have a 'man buys sprouts' story to lead with tomorrow.

Of course, Smart's fawning over the Spice Girls, despite the lack of anything much happening beside routines being worked through and cash being counted, means that he's got to run some sort of story about them today. And it's:

Gordon gets Spicy at gig

Ha! But you thought it was going to be Gordon Smart, didn't you? Ha!

CHEF GORDON RAMSAY Spiced Up His Life with a trip to see the SPICE GIRLS.

He took his family to the girls’ big, bold, brash show at the O2 arena in London.

So, alongside 'bloke takes kid to school', it's 'man off telly takes family to see pop concert'.

Gordon does have some of his usual schtick, too: the vague possibility that Russell Brand might be making a Hollywood film results in a bit of lazy Rusell/Marlon Brand-o photoshoppery. And there's a thing about Dannii Minogue's breasts, too.

The lamb will lay down with the Beckham

Now that Victoria Beckham is back in the UK, more life has been sparked into the sorry tale of Gordon Ramsay's sheep. For those of you who have managed to miss the story thus far, Gordon Ramsay asked the Beckhams to look after two lambs; we're supposed to believe that sharp-minded businesswoman Ms Beckham didn't make the connection between chef and lamb, and thought she was giving a home to pets (although when she asked "how long will you need me to look after them?" and was told "just until I've peeled the spuds" might have been a clue). Then, one of the lambs was savaged to death overnight.

Beckham has pronounced herself "shocked":

“I’m not aware of any lamb being killed in our grounds.

“I’m a vegetarian so I’d be horrified about an animal being killed.

“It has certainly got nothing to do with me!"

We're glad that she's cleared up that one - we had had visions of Beckham stalking down animals over night before ripping their heads off in a feeding frenzy - although "feeding frenzy" never quite seemed that likely.

Apparently, there are also people who believe cows give eggs

When Gordon Ramsay asked Victoria Beckham to look after his little fluffy white lambs, what exactly did she think he was planning to do with them?

Apparently, it's come as a surprise to Beckham that the lambs were ingredients and not pets. Because Gordon Ramsay really comes across like a bloke who'd be finding time in his cold, black heart to raise a couple of cute creatures, of course.

Victoria Beckham doesn't eat meat. Not because it's cruel, but because it's food.