Bunton to breakfasts

You know what George Osborne hates? Besides kittens, love, fun, poor people, tax for rich people, biscuits, people mentioning that whole thing with the prostitute and the drugs, people snickering at him, rainbows, kettles, sunsets, Nadine Dorries, wellington boots, your family and especially your grandmother, Essex, The Only Way Is Essex, Yazz doing The Only Way Is Up, D:Ream, space travel, combination padlocks, bicycles, the noise cars make when you lock them with a remote control, Keith Lemon, bitter lemon, Lemony Snicket, children, mittens, The Sound Of Music, creme brule, Delia Smith, southern Austria, that strange slurping noise Iain Duncan-Smith makes when he drinks tea, the M6, pay and display parking meters, rubber-soled shoes on polished floors, floor polish, floors, flaws, whores, s'mores, horses, men called Kevin, women called Kevin, cross-dressers, Welsh dressers, old maids, liebfraumilch, the way cows' eyes just stare at you, people who won't let him forget the time he got on a train and sat in first class without the proper ticket, eggs, dinosaurs, dinosaur eggs, Nick Clegg, Nick Rhodes, John Taylor, Roger Taylor, the other Roger Taylor, The Tailor Of Gloucester, Gloucester, Doctor Foster, Steve Foster, foster parents, Meet The Parents, Meet The Press, napkins, Nat "King" Cole, coal, Coal Miner's Daughter (the song AND the film), the Song And The Story with Isla StClair, Isla StClair, Linda Blair, Tony Blair, Lionel Blair, Give Us A Clue, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, Sorry I'm A Stranger Here Myself, There's A Ghost In My House, ghosts, toasts, celebrity roasts, Julian Huppert's beard, the face Vince Cable pulls when he's thinking, Dele Fadele, cartoons, the back seat of Volvos, Bogshed for changing their name from The Amazing Roy North Penis Band, shops that sell artisan bread, artisans, breads, shops, Tony Benn, Big Ben, Ben Dover, Long Dong Silver, Nate Silver, maths, calculators and more kittens?

Besides that, George Osborne hates shirkers. Especially people who lay abed of a morning, with the curtains pulled. He'll be delighted to hear, then, that Emma Bunton won't be one of them, as she'll be getting up early to co-host Heart's breakfast show with Jamie Theakston in the new year.

UPDATE: We've just been told George Osborne hates Emma Bunton.

Cameron shouldn't have been on Chris Evans

Apparently, David Cameron was down the Olympic Park on Thursday. Of course he was; he hasn't done a hand's turn for the last fortnight, instead choosing to try and photobomb the Olympics in a scratchy Team GB vest, clutching a Wenlock.

This time, though, he spent twenty minutes chuntering on on the Chris Evans show.

We know how much the Tories hate any hint of the bias at the BBC, and yet they seem surprisingly relaxed about this, despite it being a breach of guidelines. MediaGuardian explains:

The BBC has strict guidelines governing the appearance of politicians on non-news programmes, which require senior executive approval, as well as topical issues that are the subject of public debate.

Such is the level of sensitivity over the interview that the BBC is believed to have discussed internally whether to remove it from the iPlayer. It remained available at the time of publication.

"Nobody knew anything until it was too late to do anything about it. It was a huge cock-up," said one BBC insider.

Cameron was so desperate to please he even started to act like he was part of Steve Wright's posse:

Cameron read out a number of text messages from listeners in the "listener breaking news" section of the show, which included "I let my new chickens out this morning" and "On my way to pick up my new Mini".

The prime minister commented: "That's buying British, I approve of that."

Mini is a German company, Prime Minister. Remember, Thatcher flogged off most of our car industry to the private sector, Dave?

Perhaps it wouldn't have been such a disaster if Chris Evans had been anything other than a fawning patsy:

Evans, who introduced Cameron as the "prime minister of Great Britain, the ultimate Team GB", read out the newspaper headlines and asked Cameron: "They've not been bad headlines over the last 13 days, have they prime minister?"

Labour, to its credit, has kept quiet on the matter.

Bookmarks: Chris Moyles

A counterweight to the prevailing view of Chris Moyles and daytime Radio One, from the surprising corner of Chris TT writing in the Morning Star:

I'm surrounded by the sort of music makers for whom play on daytime Radio 1 is a rare occurrence. For some of us it's a major ambition to cross into that kind of mainstream marketplace, while for others it's of no interest as we ply our trade entirely on specialist shows or eschew pop radio altogether.

Either way we should be the last people undervaluing what these shows do, because we ought to understand how easy it is to slip up in live work and how exhausting that kind of extended performance is.

Moyles not on the market

So, what now for Chris Moyles? Radio 1 Controller Ben Cooper has told MediaGuardian that he won't be released back into the wild:

"I've got an idea of a new role for him on the station. Maybe we'll surprise people again in a short time," Cooper said on Wednesday.

Given that the his motivation for shifting Moyles out of breakfast - he wouldn't admit in so many words that it was his idea, but clearly it was - is to try and bring down the average audience age as instructed by the BBC Trust, it's hard to imagine that Moyles would be given the same amount of air time as he has now. It's equally hard to think of something that would "surprise" us - unless it's a partnership with Zane Lowe?

They call me MISTER Grimshaw

When I heard that they were bringing one of the Radio One Specialist music show presenters in for breakfast, I was surprised. A little thrilled. Rob Da Bank? Annie Mac? Mike Davies?

Oh. Nick Grimshaw.

It's not quite the same as the last time they catapulted a presenter from the 10pm to Midnight slot into breakfast - Mark and Lard had been offering Tindersticks and Simon Armitage at night, while Nick Grimshaw's last late night slot offered Kelly Osbourne and one of the Scissor Sisters.

It's one of those choices which seem radical until you think about it for a half-second; Grimshaw seems much more suited to the Rice Krispies end of the day than he ever did after dark - indeed, had Moyles gone when he should have, around 2008, you could imagine Colin Murray being given the job to pretty much the same sort of response.

A safe pair of ears, a fair promotion. Greg James, though, must be wondering what happened.

Moyles packs up

Chris Moyles is finally leaving the Radio One Breakfast Show in September, or "a good five years after he should have gone."

There's two questions, of course - the first is who will take over? MediaGuardian reckons Greg James is the most likely candidate, although there's every chance the station could try Fearne Cotton in the job for an awkward nine-month period before realising it won't fly and having a panicky reshuffle.

Question two is: what now for Moyles? You've got to suspect part of the reason he's stuck in the role for so long is because there's nothing obvious for him to go on to - Radio 2 doesn't seem an obvious fit; 6Music way beyond his reach. Noel Edmonds is showing no sign of tiring of Deal Or No Deal and proper television isn't really something he excels at - that quiz thing on Channel 4 is only made bearable by playing the 'how did this get commissioned again' game.

As DLT has proven, it can be difficult for someone who fitted the perfect mould of Radio One Breakfast Show host to make that shape slide in elsewhere. Chris Moyles, like Prince Charles, is looking forward to years of not having the role for which he was bred.

Vaughan's gone

Has it really been eight years? Johnny Vaughan has been doing the Capital breakfast show all that time, but not any longer:

Johnny Vaughan is leaving 95.8 Capital FM after nearly eight years as the London station's breakfast DJ.

Vaughan's co-presenter Lisa Snowdon will continue to front the breakfast show with stand-in Greg Burns from Monday, with a replacement full time co-host to be announced by the Global Radio-owned station in due course.

It might just be me, but does anyone feel that it's somewhat sudden for a departure to be announced on a Friday lunchtime, with some seatmeat dropped in to fill the slot the following Monday while the search for a replacem?

The real worry, though, is what this means for the advert featuring Snowdon, Vaughan and those bemusing breakfast biscuits. The ones that thought there was something so unusual about eating a biscuit in the morning that the concept needed to be explained incredibly slowly. What will they do now? (I'm assuming the answer is 'desperately try to flog the remaining stock through Home Bargains for 25p a box'.)

Chris Evans ruins a thousand headlines

There's probably nobody more surprised than Radio 2 that Chris Evans' audience has increased from the level Terry Wogan left it. But there won't be anyone more disappointed than the tabloids, who must have already crafted their "TOG off" headlines and "thousands of Wogan loyalists desert smutty Evans show" standfirsts.

Still, there's a couple of months before the official figures come out - time yet for the Mail to come up with a way that this is A Bad Thing.

[Thanks to James P for the story]

Mike Read knows what to do

Mike Read - yes, the former DJ one, not the dead one who was R-E-I-D anyway - contributed to the Guardian this morning, marking the departure of Wogan from breakfasts.

It includes this slightly bemusing segment, rejecting the likelihood that the audience will vanish:

Yes, there will be an exodus, but probably not of biblical proportions; after all, there has never been bondage at Radio 2 – and in any case where is their Moses or Aaron to lead them to a new radio land, unless Elvis rises again from the chip shop.

Uh... yes, Mike.

Still, Mike has plans for the future and - if not Moses, clearly hopes to be casting himself as some sort of Esau:

Long one of our great exports, the music industry has been strangled by the lack of innovative radio and television. This country has far too many radio and TV stations pumping out pap, so it's not surprising that many are proving to be unsustainable. It's time for a shake-up, and perhaps Wogan's departure will prompt just that. Fewer stations, more quality and realistic budgets.

So, how does Read propose that we boost imports and push forward creative music by innovative radio programming?

As the lawyer Jaggers dealt with Pip's question in Great Expectations, let me take a hypothetical case: 20 former Radio 1 voices, all national names and all highly experienced, who have collectively broadcast to billions over the years and won countless awards. What a line-up that would be. Now, we need a hypothetical name, let's say One Gold. Put thousands of advertisers and sponsors, who would kill to advertise on Radio 2 if it were commercial, into the mix. This theoretical station may well broadcast (and I mean broadcast, not narrowcast) the best of the 80s, 70s and 60s as well as established artists who don't seem to get a look in despite highly successful tours.

Yes... Read's idea is to stimulate and innovate by hiring a bunch of faded old DJs and playing a slate of twenty-to-forty year old hits. It's like reviving British cuisine by pushing Hostess trolleys and boil-in-the-bag beef slices.

Farewell, Terry: Wogan quits Radio 2

Terry Wogan just announced that he's leaving the Radio 2 breakfast show with, as widely predicted, Chris Evans taking up the slot from the New Year.

An on-form Evans against a fading Moyles? That, simultaneously, is a hell of a personal grudge match and a rather abrupt truncation of choice for people who like unchallenging pop at breakfast.

Wogan is - if rumours are to be believed - going to resurface at weekends on Radio 2.

Digital figures all a bit confused

Even the MediaGuardian seems a bit confused as to if the 6Music and BBC Radio 7 audience figures are terrible - which the three month drop suggests - or great, as the year-on-year growth would say.

Really, it might just say that Rajar isn't any good at counting digital audiences.

In other Rajar news, Moyles is still adding listeners, but not as quickly as Wogan, in the battle for the title 'The most-listened to breakfast show by a man substantially older than his target audience'.

The Kershaws never leave quietly

If you ever find one of the Kershaw siblings sat in your prebooked train seat, it might be wise to find somewhere to stand, as the vortex thrown up by their departure is more uncomfortable than the other option.

Liz Kershaw has just been asked to step aside from the BBC Coventry and Warwickshire breakfast show. She hasn't taken it well, circulating an email to all her colleagues (yes, colleagues, as she's still got a show on the station):

"New era eh? How sensitive to someone's feelings after 4 years of dedication and professionalism.

"I think a presenter who has put in so much and has been so publicly humiliated already by the BBC deserves better. Among their colleagues. [sic]

"Good job the listeners are wise to what's going on and more sympathetic. Watch your back Cath. Beware the Ides of March etc. Could be your turn next. Will tell you more when we meet in September. Liz."

"So publicly humiliated by the BBC"? Is that a reference to how she was prerecording 6Music programmes with faked competitions, and yet somehow managed to keep her job while all around her were losing hers?

Let's hope she never teams up with Marilyn Manson to form a revenge force.

Rajars: Moyles swells his audience

In the nip-and-tuck of breakfast shows, Chris Moyles has closed the gap on Terry Wogan again; meanwhile, Absolute Radio seems to have stopped freefalling, adding 200,0000 listeners in the last three months. Still some way to go to replace the 31% of the audience who've disappeared over the last twelve months, though.

Woot-ton: Pay no attention to Gordon Smart's scoop

One of the most enjoyable things about the weekend is watching the Sun and the News of the World trying to rubbish each other's big stories.

Today, prepubescent gossip skipper Dan Wootton rushes to the defence of Chris Moyles. Perhaps wisely Wootton doesn't mention where the rumours of the axing came from, but gives room to the Radio One team to issue firm denials:

ALED HAYDN JONES, who produces the radio show, said: "Don't worry. There are no plans to move us."

Drivetime presenter SCOTT MILLS, tipped to replace Chris, added: "Chris is NOT going anywhere any time soon."

And the man himself also laughed it off by declaring on his Twitter page yesterday: "The reports of my (radio) death are greatly exaggerated."

None of those three, you might have spotted, actually having scheduling roles at Radio One.

Wootton even goes further to try and swat away some of the other allegations Moyles has faced in recent months:

And my pic, above right, shows gay Torchwood star JOHN BARROWMAN is a big fan too after he gave Chris a kiss when he appeared on Chris Moyles' Quiz Night on Channel 4 at 10pm tonight.

See? John Barrowman is a GAY and he's kissing Chris Moyles so, clearly, he's a BIG FAN who doesn't believe that Chris Moyles HATES THE GAYS.

Oh, unless Barrowman does think that Moyles has a problem and was kissing him to make a point.

Gordon in the morning: The saving of Radio One?

Oh, if only this story was being carried somewhere you could believe it:

CONTROVERSIAL CHRIS MOYLES, the self-proclaimed “Saviour of Radio 1”, is on his way OUT of the station’s flagship breakfast show.

He will be axed this year after he becomes the slot’s longest-serving host in September.

Radio One, as you'd expect, express surprise at the story:

Last night a Radio 1 spokesman insisted: “We’ve no plans to take Chris off breakfast. He hosts a highly successful show.”

Well, that's pretty clear. Oh... hang on, though:

But when asked how long Chris would stay at the station, the spokesman refused to comment.

Well done, Gordon (and Simon Rothstein, who gets a joint credit) - simply because you got an unequivocal statement that - officially at least - there are no plans for Chris Moyles to leave breakfast, asking a different question entirely and not getting a response proves... um, something.

Gordon also provides a thinky-thinky piece to accompany his shock revelation:

WHEN Chris Moyles took over breakfast in 2004, the show was in terminal decline.

Was it? Really? Terminal?

And, sure, the ratings have improved under Moyles, but much of the credit for that should be taken by the increasingly rubbish commercial sector putting up less and less competition.

Zoe Ball and Sara Cox never filled the boots of Chris Evans, the best in the slot’s history.

Mark Radcliffe and Marc Riley (aka Lard) carried on but were too old for the gig. Moyles now faces the same end.

Interesting choice of words - "carried on"? Especially odd since Mark and Marc came before Zoe and Sara. And didn't they get moved not because they were "too old", but because they were too smart for the breakfast slot? After all, if their crime was being too elderly for Radio One's audience, it's surprising they thrived in the afternoon slot for so long afterwards, surely?

His brash, arrogant, no-holds-barred, bully-boy personality was the shock-jock style Radio 1 needed then. But it’s time for The Saviour to move on.

Ah, yes. Radio One really needed a bully at breakfast. Did you read that back before you hit print, Gordon?

The breakfast hotseat has a shelf life and sadly Moyles is past his sell-by date.

Sadly, we no longer need an arrogant breakfast braggart. The modern world no longer requires a honking idiot yelling at it from a position of bemusingly assumed superiority. That's bad news for this bloke:

ON MONDAY, The Sun will be launching a live phone-in show on the internet between 10am and 1pm, Monday to Friday.

Sony award winning DJ, Jon Gaunt will be fronting the show, with famous guests and regular contributions from Sun Columnists.

There's one gaping hole in the Moyles story. Smart claims that Radio One are going to ease Moyles out in September, and replace him with a "rising talent", but:

Drivetime presenter SCOTT MILLS will be asked to step in while a replacement is readied for the prized post.

If you're not dumping the current host until September, wouldn't that give you the best part of a half-year to "ready" your rising talent? Assuming the story, of course, is true.

Absolute accuracy

If yesterday's pre-Rajar announcement that Absolute was expecting a ten-to-fifteen per cent drop in audience was supposed to manage expectations down, they perhaps didn't go far enough. Audiences are twenty per cent down on what they were before.

Brave faces all round, people:

The Absolute chief operating officer Clive Dickens, who blamed the drop on listener confusion over the station's new name, said: "Absolute Radio has had just 15 weeks to sink into the nation's ears.

"When Oasis were 15 weeks old they told everyone they were going to be one of the biggest bands in the world. Fifteen years on, now look at them. We have the same aspirations."

Hmm. When Bagsy The Magic Spanner were 15 weeks old, they told everyone they were going to be one of the biggest bands in the world. So did Combine Thresher. And Explore The Big Teapot. And the thing is, Absolute isn't fifteen weeks old. It's an old, old radio station that just happens to have a different name. And if the rebrand has cost you one out of five of your audience, then it's a rebrand you've failed to carry off successfully. Making empty Gallagher-like noises about how you're going to be the Oasis of the Radio Industry can't really disguise the terrible sink the network is in.

Also interesting from the latest batch of audience numbers: Chris Moyles audience is more-or-less the same as it was this time last year, raising the intriguing possibility that he's at the natural limits of his attraction.

Working breakfast

Given Steve Penk's incredible takeover of indie - sorry, former indie - station The Revolution in Oldham, you'd expect him to be announcing a major presenter line-up change.

Well, he's put himself on at breakfast. So no surprises there, then.

It's unclear if he thinks that he best represents the style of programming demanded by the station's new target audience, or if it's just a way of keeping down the wage bill.

[Thanks to James P]

Johnny Vaughan's Next Top Model

We're given to understand the press release for this story came with the words "we give it six months" written in invisible ink all over it: Lisa Snowdon is to co-present Capital's breakfast show.

We say co-present; that would imply some sort of interaction and chemistry between Johnny Vaughan and her.

Vaughan has put together some sort of statement:

"I'm delighted to have Lisa as my new co-host. Her enthusiasm for her new role is self-evident and she's a natural behind the mic. Lisa is a great addition to the Capital breakfast show."

Which, Global GCap executives agree, is saying all the right things. Even if there's nothing there to make the casual listener think "wow - that sounds like a double act I can't miss..."

Snowdon:

"I couldn't think of a better way to start the day than with Mr Vaughan and the breakfast gang. He keeps me on my toes and has me in stitches for the whole four hours.

"I have grown up with Capital and having the opportunity to work with Johnny on London's most iconic breakfast show is a dream come true for me."

Is Johnny Vaughan's the "most iconic" breakfast show? Even if you allow for there being degrees of iconism, if you say 'breakfast show presenters in London' isn't Tarrant still the first one that springs to mind? And Baker, even though he's in the afternoons now, is still more iconic than Vaughan, surely?

And is 'listen to Johnny make me laugh for four hours' as compelling an offer to an audience as Snowdon seems to think?

Capital try to prop up sinking breakfasts

As the Johnny Vaughan breakfast show sinks faster than a Christmas Pudding in a lead-lined box, dragging the rest of Capital Radio with it, the Mail is suggesting that management are trying to add Denise Van Outen to his show.

Really? Clearly, the idea would hope that the old Big Breakfast magic would still be there, but - as anyone who saw Passport To Paradise would warn - that's not very likely to happen. Admittedly, there aren't many people still alive who saw Passport, but that in itself should count as a warning.

The Mail reckons that Van Outen is going to get six figures alongside Vaughan's seven figure salary - the image in our mind is of good money being thrown after bad. They'll be trying to get Zig and Zag to do the news by Easter at this rate.

Cox off

Most of the tabs this morning have picked up the news that Sara Cox is planning to take up the clause in her Radio One contract which will allow her to move to a different slot on the network from next year. That must really delight the management there - we've got a year of speculation about who's next for the - what is it? - third most popular? breakfast show; while they're going to have to try and find a slot for their expensively signed - ahem - talent. It's hard to say which problem is going to be more tricksy. It's impossible to draw up a list of likely names to take over with a straight face - Danni Behr? Moyles? Blackburn? - or imagine a show where Cox's style would be an improvement on the incumbent. And with the BBC about to be put under scrutiny on its general handling of public cash, there might be questions to be asked as how they managed to cut a deal giving someone loads of money to do the breakfast show for three years, without it actually committing her to do the breakfast show for that time.