Last Thursday I was going to write a Birth of a Novel post, and call it the birthday edition. Because January third is my birthday, naturally.
But, life had other plans, and it's a week later. The baby and the husband were both sick, and there was one night where the baby didn't sleep at all. We're talking crying out in his sleep from ten until two when I got him up, to being awake from two until five when he passed out from exhaustion.
Then he woke up at eight in the morning.
Yes. I was miserable. The very limits of my patience were tested and exceeded. Parenting: not for the weak of heart.
I got him to go back to sleep until eleven, and I spent the day on the couch staring at the TV, counting down to nap time.
Couple this with being very stuck on my book, and I don't have a lot of progress to report on my word count. I did sit down yesterday, after sleeping great for the last two nights, and hammer out some brainstorming.
See, the thing is, the book has veered wildly off course. I have ideas of characters and plot threads to put into the book, but they're not there yet. Things are very different, and I am having a hard time building up to the climax when the beginning and the middle of the book don't really match up.
I read this post by Laini Taylor today that made me feel much better. Most of my panic is because I don't know what happens next. It makes me very comfortable. The book feels like it's coming apart at the seams and I have no idea what to build towards.
I have to remember that a lot of writing comes from faith. You have to believe in yourself; in your ability to spin something out of nothing. I made everything up--all the characters, the plot events, the setting. All of it. It came from my brain.
Sometimes, you have to trust your brain to come up with stuff later. You might not have the answer right away, and that's scary. But that's okay. The answer will come.
I'm not sitting and waiting for inspiration. Yesterday's brainstorming session was very productive, so today I am going to try and re-outline the rest of the book.
If you build it, they will come.
So remember. Trust your brain.
How about you? How's the book coming along? What about the rest of your plans?
A while ago I blogged about calling my first draft an "exploratory draft". This idea came from Laini Taylor, who blogged about the same thing here.
Today I am revisiting the idea. I've wanted to write a post about this for a while, but I didn't feel like I'd come out to a place yet where I could.
The problem was letting go. I've finished a major rewrite. I've been working on developing an idea, but no matter how hard I tried the plot wouldn't come together. Suddenly I started to feel like a failure. I started to worry that the book, tradition urban fantasy, would just get lost among the hundreds of other urban fantasy books out there.
Then I thought about my other ideas, the weird ones. The ones that are like urban fantasy but set on another planet. Or even weirder than that, the ideas that approach being considered cyberpunk. The little voice worried that a market would be hard to find for those ideas because they are so strange. And what if the book does well? I'd been stuck in the genre.
Then of course the guilt set in, because I know I should not be worrying about agents and publishing at this stage; I should be focusing on the novel.
This little cycle of emotions made me realize some things. First, writers are crazy and I am no exception. Second, my doubt masquerades itself as a reasonable voice only looking out for my future. Do you see what it did there? First my idea was too normal and then it was too weird. I couldn't win either way.
So I tried to get back to that feeling, of just having fun with an idea. Allowing myself to write a really, really crappy first draft. Of writing scenes I knew would never make it. Of exploring the idea.
It's not as easy as it sounds. There's a lot invested in the idea after all. And for me, I have to have some idea of the primary conflict before I head off into writing land. Otherwise the idea fizzles after a few scenes.
I wish I could tell you that I had a magical breakthrough and the novel is now flowing off my fingertips like water from a stream, but that's not the case. I started something last night, but I don't know what the primary conflict is. I plan to spend time today figuring some basic things out, and hopefully I can start up again.
The point is to just keep trying. You're going to enter weird slumps and phases of your writing life, and sometimes you have to get really creative with the solutions.
Anyone have any horror stories to share? What about that nagging voice? How do you manage to ignore it enough to make it go away?
Continuing the theme of finishing your first draft, let's talk about writing in the spirit of discovery.
It's an idea that Laini Taylor, a super cool awesome writer came up with. You can read her post about it here. Basically (for those too lazy to click on the link/enthralled with my post to leave) Laini talks about writing being a process of discovery. You're writing to find the story.
I think that's amazing, but hard to remember that while you're writing the book. I read this post a year ago, but I'd since forgotten about it. It's easy to think that you're going to sit down with your novel and write from Point A to Point B, and each scene is going to roll off your fingertips like water from a duck. I think there's almost an expectation for that to happen. Sure, we expect to spruce up the scenes during revision, but we assume that we know all the scenes that need to be in the book to make it work. Or that while you're writing by the seat of your pants (like I am now) all of the scenes you need will just magically come to you. Or that since you wrote the scene, it's vital to the story.
I love the idea of just sitting down and writing scenes for the fun of it. To see what happens between your characters. I don't know about you, but I used to just sit down and write whatever made me passionate. I would love to get back to that place, where the scene exists not just to get the characters from Point A to Point B, but because the ideas and settings set my imagination on fire.
This brings me to another concept that Laini talks about, and I have mentioned in the past: Exploratory Drafts. I love this idea. Instead of saying first draft, it's just you experimenting with your story idea. You're allowed to write scenes that probably won't make the final cut. You might write out of order, or experiment with writing a type of scene you usually don't, like a really spicy sex scene, or a really action packed scene. By telling yourself that this draft is just an experiment, a dress rehearsal, you take the pressure of yourself to get it perfect the first time.
Ahhh perfectionism. That is something I battle with. I like things to be just so. First drafts are hard for me, because I expect everything to be perfect, and it's not. Or at least, first drafts are their own brand of perfect. As like Jane Smiley says, "Every first draft is perfect, because all it has to do is exist."
It's easy to feel like the book your writing is terrible because the scenes aren't flowing the way you imagined, but that's not true. Let's allow ourselves the joy and madness of imperfect first drafts, of exploratory drafts where we trek around places unknown. Ask yourself what if your character meet early in the story, and write that out. You might discover something wonderful in your process of playing around with the characters and plot.
So go now. Give yourself permission to write in the spirit of discovery. Write an exploratory draft. Have fun with it, and finish your novel.
What do you do to loosen yourself up for a first draft?
P.S. I have fifty followers! Huzzah! Welcome to my blog, wonderfully awesome new followers!
What do you guys think I should do to commemorate the occasion?
