This Isn't 'Clumsy Language', Sussex Police...

...far from it:

West Sussex local policing Superintendent Nick Dias said: 'Keeping the public safe and feeling safe is paramount and our officers and PCSOs work hard to tackle crime and anti-social behaviour, often in challenging circumstances.'

This one didn't. This one didn't work at all, did he? 

'We [work] closely with local retailers and partners to help prevent and respond to anti-social behaviour and assaults on shop workers.'

You didn't 'prevent' and you certainly didn't 'respond'.... 

'We are sorry for the clumsy language used by the PCSO in this exchange and acknowledge the public's concern.

'A police unit was dispatched to the scene as a matter of priority. Our response to this incident is being reviewed.'

Let's hope that PCSO's career is, too... 

I Thought The 'SO' Bit Stood For 'Support Officer'...

...not 'Sex Offender':

A community police support officer asked a woman when she last had sex after she called up to complain about a noisy neighbour.

Kent PCSO Thomas Daley, 49, told the woman he was married but did not have sex with his wife after she made the routine call in 2020.

*sighs* 

‘You chose to do what you did because I was vulnerable. You don’t deserve to be in a position that is there to protect people.’

Daley has since resigned as a PCSO and now works as a security guard.

Who'd hire him?!? 

Daley was sentenced to eight months’ imprisonment suspended for two years, during which time he must carry out 150 hours unpaid work in the community. He must also attend 20 days of rehabilitation activity.

What a waste of money that will be... 

But They Did Beat You, Didn't They...?

Mr Sayner said: “I can’t believe it, the world has gone mad.

“What’s annoying is the police can find the time to knock on the door about a scarecrow and they’ve got all this crime going on.

“Have they got nothing better to do?”

Yes, it's yet another incidence of 'I'm offended' and the state looking to do something about it. In this case, visit the offending party and claim powers they don't actually have:

“I said I could change the colour of the face if that would make it better?

“She said ‘no, it’s not that, it’s the whole Michael Jackson thing and the red PVC suit'.

“I explained it’s the actual Thriller suit. There was a sign underneath that said 'thriller'.

“She said, ‘no, we need it removing.’

At which point, your answer should have been 'No. It breaks no laws'. 

Having taken the Michael Jackson figure down the couple have since created a tableau of Village People performing legendary hit YMCA.

Mr Sayner said: "I thought, 'they're not beating me'. At the moment, when everyone's feeling fed up and a bit down - it’s a bit of fun isn’t it.”

In what way have they 'not beaten you'?

You cravenly did as they asked. They had no power to compel you to do it. They weren't even real police!

A Humberside Police spokesperson said: "We understand that, especially at this time, people are coming together and are wanting to bring light-hearted relief to their communities.

"On Saturday May 23 we did receive a complaint from a local resident who reported they had been offended by a scarecrow on display in a front garden on Compass Road in Hull.

"As with all reports of this nature we want to make sure we talk to everyone involved to look at a way to resolve any situation amicably.

"PCSOs discussed the concerns of the person reporting it to us with the householder displaying the scarecrow, who decided to remove it from their garden.

"There is no further involvement or action that will be taken by police."

There wasn't any to begin with! And until people start to grow a pair and reply with Stephen Fry's response to claims of offence, we'll have uniformed Karens going around thinking they have a licence to bully.

Rocket Science Is Easy By Comparison...

Police officers are taking fresh measures to stop missile attacks on buses in the North-East.

By going out and arresting the little shits? Why, no. This is a job for the....errr....

Police community support officers (PCSOs) have been using the buses in and around Firthmoor to try and identify those responsible for throwing missiles at vehicles.

Now, in a further attempt to stop the attacks, officers have visited a number of primary schools in Darlington to educate pupils about the dangers of attacking the buses.

What dangers?

There are none, for them, if they are in primary school. They will be 'below the age of criminal responsibility', and nothing will be done if they are caught!

The warning comes after Arriva North East decided to temporarily halt services into Firthmoor after youths allegedly targeted their buses.

A few days later, they faced similar problems on the outskirts of the estate when another bus was attacked with services being re-routed.

The Northern Echo understands there have been a number of other attacks on buses in the town in recent weeks, which police are investigating.

Real police, this time?

Last week, Kevin Nicholson, independent councillor for Eastbourne, said one of the elderly residents in his ward was now too scared to go out of her house because of anti-social behaviour in the area.

“It is a good first step to have PCSOs on the buses, but the priority for the police should be finding the people responsible,” said Cllr Nicholson.

“These youngsters could be from anywhere, and they are coming to this estate to cause problems.

“It is a beautiful area – I live here because I want to live here and these kids are giving the place a bad name.

“We need more of a police presence and we need police to respond to concerns – it is not rocket science,” he added.

No indeed. But no-one tries to do rocket science by first demanding there should be no consequences for malfunctioning rockets, do they?

File Under 'Screw it, It's Only Canvey'...

The youngster was attending Canvey’s annual Christmas lights switch-on with her mum when the day’s celebrations were brought to an abrupt halt.

She was hit by a car which appeared to be travelling the wrong way along Canvey High Street, where it turns into Foksville Road.

'Appeared to be'..? Well, was it, or wasn't it?

Surely Essex's Finest will know?

Her mum, who does not want to be identified, claims the male driver initially tried to continue driving - until a passerby stopped him.

The youngster was taken to A&E after the incident on Saturday, November. She suffered minor bruising.

A PCSO was called to the scene.

Oh...

The girl’s mother asked for the driver to be breathalysed. However, the family had to leave for hospital before a police officer who was authorised to carry a breath test arrived.

Since then, they have heard nothing from the police.

/facepalm

What do they have to say for themselves? It had better not be a bunch of meaningless platitudes about how ....

Oh...

An Essex Police spokesman said: “Traffic collision investigation can be a lengthy process as they need to be comprehensive and often involve gathering a lot of complex information to determine exactly what has occurred.

“Officers dealing with the case will provide the girl’s parents with an update as soon as they are in a position to do so.

“We can confirm enquiries are ongoing and hope the girl is recovering well from her injuries. Should her parents have any questions about the ongoing case they can make contact with the investigating officer directly.”

They clearly do have questions. My, it's good that you're a spokeman and not a detective, eh?

I Think I Can See Where The Recruitment Went Wrong…

The ‘Guardian’ interviews a PCSO. By sheer good fortune, they’ve managed to find one whose worldview matches their own. One who presumably reads the ‘Guardian’ (or at least, looks at the pictures). How fortuitous is that?

You’ve heard the expression “it’s like herding cats”? Well, it isn’t. Working for the police is like shepherding a million or so unpredictable human beings through a world where anything can and will happen.

Errrr….that’s what the expression ‘herding cats’ is meant to represent. It’s a simile. It’s not meant literally…

My main duties are supposed to be focused on low-level crime, antisocial behaviour, community engagement and public reassurance. I have to remind myself of this on a daily basis, because what usually dominates my time is dealing with a load of old claptrap.

Welcome to the world of work! Few of us get to do what we think we are employed to do. Why should it be different for you?

As a PCSO you probably assume I get regular abuse. This isn’t true. Yes, I am a walking target in a yellow coat and a silly hat, but in my community the last thing the local youths want to do is to draw attention to themselves. Occasionally some youngling of around 13 – who hasn’t yet graduated into crime from low-level antisocial behaviour – will shout “plastic” from about half a mile away, encouraged by the anonymity of being part of a larger group of sniggering mates. I’ve never been bothered by this. Besides, I have a lot of empathy with kids growing up in this community. Getting to know them over the years has convinced me to see them as victims too – of a system that consistently lets them down.

Ah, ‘the system’. Not ‘parents’? Not ‘peers’?

And aren’t the real victims the people who have to put up with the behaviour of these anti-social little scumbags? The elderly lady whose garden is trashed, the mechanic who has to get graffiti and gang signs removed from his premises, for example?

What really bothers me are people wasting my time, which more often than not involves disputes between neighbours. People phone the police just to get the upper hand in an argument, and it becomes a ludicrous battle over who can get the most complaints logged against the other. I desperately want to tell each party to grow up and stop messing about, but my hands are tied.

Finally, you’ve said something we all can agree with! But this attitude that the police are the arbiters of all kinds of petty disputes amongst the underclass arose out of the same government that brought you in. It created your job, in effect.

And I bet you voted enthusiastically for it.

I’ve seen kids move through the various stages of criminality and have little chance to stop them. It’s heartbreaking. When the eight-year-old boy causing problems in school starts smoking cannabis and stealing cars, it is hard not to trace the blame back to one source: a lack of government funding across the board.

Not ‘parental responsibility’ then? Not personal responsibility, to rise above the circumstances of your birth, like so many others manage to do?

No, clearly, everything is the government’s fault. If only it threw enough money at a problem, it’d be solved, wouldn’t it?

The other day I sat with an elderly victim of a bogus caller. A man had entered her house pretending to be from the water company and had stolen her jewellery. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the investigation had been closed because of a lack of evidence, and that detectives were swamped with other things. So I just sat with her and held her hand, and tried not to think about the fact that someone, somewhere was out celebrating their banker’s bonus – ironically with a whole lot of alcohol and drugs. Probably.

And that has what to do with ….well, anything? The banker didn’t steal her jewellery, did they? It was most likely the father of one of the little scallywags you express sympathy for.

It Shouldn’t Happen To An Artist!

He was arrested on the platform after getting off at Camden Road.

"She said I'm abstracting electricity," he said.

"She kept saying it's a crime.

"We were just coming into the station, and there happened to be about four police officers on the platform.

"She called to them and said 'This guy's been abstracting electricity, he needs to be arrested'."

Understandable shock at the effrontery of these officers, totally understandable. As an artist of no renown whatsoever, helping yourself to anything you can get (provided by other people) must be second nature…

Mr Lee says he tried to push past the officers but was handcuffed on the platform, taken down the stairs and put into a van.

Funny, isn’t it, the things that happen when you resist arrest?

"I was just incredulous," he said.

"It was an overzealous community support officer.

"They should never have arrested me, they knew it was ridiculous. The whole thing was just ridiculous."

Yup, it’s ridiculous to think you can get away with it and claim you're the injured party, you freeloader.

The Next Time Someone Tells You That 'It's The Bosses That Are At Fault'...

...in some tale of police political correctness, just smile, and think of Tony Bristow:

One officer, who asked not to be named, said: 'There’s no question in my mind - he should have lost his job. Racism, in any form, should not be tolerated.

'The fact that he kept his job sends completely the wrong message to other officers and members of the public.

'To have kept his job and now been taken on as a full-time serving Pc is a joke and sad reflection on just how seriously the force views racism and racist attitudes.'

Another, who also wished to remain anonymous, said: 'At the time he was given the warning, nobody could believe it. It was 100 per cent expected that he would lose his job.

'Now we’ve read in the paper about people making silly mistakes and losing their jobs for things that are nothing like as serious.

'There are PCSOs and Specials (constables) in Avon and Somerset who have a clean disciplinary record and have applied for regular jobs and this ‘gentleman’, for want of a better word, got in.

'Why are we recruiting people who have been found guilty of racist behaviour?'

My, my. Stalin would be proud...

The Biter Bit…

Met Police PCSO Curt Capell was horrified to return from having his haircut to discover a penalty charge notice slapped on his car’s windscreen in Oaklands Car Park, Bexleyheath. The 28-year-old, of Wessex Drive, Slade Green, said: "I told him it says free parking and showed him the sign.

"I asked the officer to cancel but he said I would have to contest it because ‘my boss has told me to do it and I’ll get sacked if I do’.

"Is this what the country is coming to?"

Ooooh, jobsworths! Unable to listen to reason, going only 'by the book'. Bet you don't see a lot of that in your day job, eh?

Meanwhile, over in Sidcup chaos broke out in Main Road Car Park as two parking wardens slapped fines on unsuspecting motorists’ cars.

John Coleman arrived with his two sons around noon and said he was told by the attendant: "We know it’s free, but we want you to dispute the ticket directly with the council after we issue it and you will then not pay."

The 35-year-old, of Carlton Road, Welling, said this infuriated the crowds of people gathered next to the machine and that police officers arrived to ease tensions.

Does that ever happen? Or does it just raise the overall temperature?

A Bexley Council spokeswoman said: “We sincerely apologise to the four motorists who received Penalty Charge Notices (PCNs) in error on Good Friday and confirm that these have been cancelled to avoid further inconvenience for the affected motorists.

“We are in discussion with our contractor to prevent further similar instances from occurring in the future. ”

Perhaps hiring smarter contractors would help?

Ingratitude…

The family of a missing woman have hit out at police…

For not bothering to find her? Well, no. Not exactly.

For bothering.

… after they were door-knocked as part of the inquiry.

I…

I just…

*speechless*

Police have been carrying out inquiries in Sneinton and have put up posters – but Leanne feels let down after a police community support officer (PCSO) knocked on her door to ask if she had heard anything about the missing woman.

"I was disgusted – they should have known this is her address," she said. "If you can't trust the police who can you trust?"

Oh, get over yourselves!

It was an error – the PCSO is actually doing the job they are paid for, for once, rather than standing guard over a plastic egg in some school playground!

That they knocked on your door too just means – as usually happens – a bit of poor communication. It’s not a ghastly plot to rub your noses in it.

Inspector Mark Stanley said: "The inquiry was made in good faith and the PCSOs were unaware that the property was linked to Sandra.

"This does not detract from the upset it has caused her daughter and I have personally apologised to her."

I've no doubt he felt he had to say something, but really…

Sandra's mum Kathleen, Gollin, 86, said: "We just want to see something being done to find Sandra and bring her home."

You just have seen something being done – so stop whinging about it to the local newspaper!

Oh, Here We Go Again…

Youngsters at a Welling primary school were shocked to find a giant egg in their playground yesterday.

Yes, it’s the old ‘creative writing’ event again. We've been here before. Many times. Oh, so many times....

Children had many questions about the egg wondering how it got there, where it came from and what might be inside it. They put their writing skills to the test by creating reports for museums and making posters as well as interviewing eye witnesses.

It all sounds jolly wonderful, doesn't it?

Headteacher Miranda Hornett said: "The egg appeared in our school grounds and has got everyone talking.

"It’s wonderful to see the children so inspired and determined to solve the mystery."

Why, yes. I mean, it might have been daft, but it's clearly not a total waste of teachers' time.

Other people's time, however...

The area around the egg at Eastcote Primary School, in Eastcote Road, was taped off by a PCSO, who then stood guard for the rest of the day.

*sighs*

NuLabour Minister Redefines ‘Chutzpah’. Again.

Plans to make police community support officers the first point of contact for members of the public have been criticised by the former home secretary David Blunkett.

South Yorkshire police wants its regular officers to be regrouped into teams available to deal with serious incidents only. The PCSOs will carry out all work on the streets.

Yes, that’s right – Blunkett is criticising the expansion of the system he set up in order to blur the boundaries between police officers and unwarranted uniformed busibodies way back when he was Home Office Minister.

YCMIU!

Blunkett, who is MP for Sheffield Brightside and Hillsborough, said: "Community support officers are intended to be part of the neighbourhood beat teams and not a replacement for them. It would be deeply regrettable if we reverted to the Z-Cars era of flying squads and concentration on reaction, rather than prevention."

Oh, if only they did just concentrate on reaction, rather than churning out message after message warning motorists not to leave valuables in their cars, and chasing down people being mean on social media to warn them that it ‘might be’ an offence.

I think we’d actually all prefer that.

He added that lessons had been learned on policing policy "which is why from the mid-1990s to the present time we have seen such a dramatic drop in crime".

OK. Hands up. Who thinks we’ve seen ‘a dramatic drop in crime’?

Anyone? Bueller?

We Do ‘Banning’, But Draw The Line At ‘Naming And Shaming’…

A man has been banned for life from 10 pubs in Cowley for allegedly abusing a bar worker.

Oh? And who is this mysterious man?

The man has been barred from entering and drinking in a string of licensed premises under the Pubwatch scheme, but his identity is being kept secret after one of the landlords said police had told them not to talk to the Oxford Mail.

Really?

No. Not really. Well, not really to the ‘police’ bit, anyway:

Pcso Anna McCormack, a member of the Cowley neighbourhood police team, said the scheme worked by landlords and bar staff discussing the man, whom she insists is known to them already.

She said the Cowley Pubwatch, which meets every two months, had been in contact with pubs in neighbouring areas to tell them to keep an eye out for the man, who she said had attacked a bar worker.

And they named him to each other, no doubt, but Plastic Fantastic Anna Mac didn’t want them naming him to you plebs, oh, dear me, no…

Refusing to name him, she said: “At the moment, because it was a serious incident, his ban is down for life.

“He is known to a number of the pubs for a string of antisocial behaviour. That will be reviewed in five years though.

“If he does return to the pubs in the scheme the landlords and staff can call us and we can either ask him to leave or use trespassing, antisocial behaviour, or public order legislation to move him.”

Right, OK, just one question for you, sweetie. How are they going to ‘review it in five years’ if he’s barred, and they therefore don’t see him? Hmm? What are they going to review?

Oh, sorry, did I say one question? I’ve got another. Why don’t you use this legislation now?

It is understood that despite the ‘serious’ nature of the incident, the man is not facing criminal charges.

Thames Valley Police head of communications Michelle Nichols said not naming the individual was a decision only for Pubwatch and the police should not be involved.

Well, since she’s ‘sort of’ police, maybe you are involved?

Oooooh, Michelle backpedalled at the speed of sound at that one!

However, when informed that a landlord had been told by police not to talk to the Oxford Mail about it, she added: “If they were told that by a police officer or member of police staff then that is incorrect.”

Hah! Sucks to be you, Anna!

Pubwatch chairman Steve Baker said guidance was not to name anyone who had been banned, although he did say there was merit in the argument that if the wider public knew who had been banned it would help with its enforcement.

“But from our perspective that’s like a naming and shaming exercise and that is not what Pubwatch does,” he added.

Because being banned from a pub or a series of pubs is clearly nothing to be ashamed about..?

A Headline That Gives One Pause…

…but the story itself isn’t quite what your fevered imagination may suspect:

Emily Anne Akers, 23, took money from the would-be clients at a flat in Heworth before her boyfriend Carl Wesley Mason, 31, suddenly jumped out with a pitbull-type dog, a York Crown Court jury was told yesterday.

One of the men, identified in court only as Mr Brown, accidentally left his Blackberry phone at the scene, and Mason then threatened to send photos of Mr Brown with Akers to all his work contacts, unless he handed over £5,000 in a supermarket car park, Mr Storey told the jury.

Yup, the old ‘rip off the client’ trick. The police will take a dim view of that sort of…

Oh. Maybe not.

A police community support officer cycling past intervened and, after speaking to Mason and Akers, told the client to go home and regard it as an expensive lesson because he could be implicated in an offence of “looking for sex”.

And that outweighs theft, threatening behaviour and blackmail, clearly…

The client said he was angry after the officer had gone and banged on the couple’s door again. Mason came out waving a golf club in one hand and holding the dog on a lead in the other. Then Akers sprayed him with something red that gave him a rash.

I wonder what the PCSO would have said to that?

False Representation Is An Offence, Isn't It?

Meet the world's dimmest PCSO (I know, it's a strongly contested title):

I've got a fluorescent jacket, I must be The Law!

The video footage posted on YouTube then shows a PCSO telling a bemused Ms Firth he can confiscate her camera under the Terrorism Act 2000.

When Ms Firth asks him to explain, he the animal rights campaigner was part of a group 'connected to known terrorists'.

She asked the officer to explain further but was told: 'No - it would breach data protection.'

Bwahahahaha!

A West Yorkshire Police spokesman said a letter of apology was being issued.

Should be a P45...

PCSOs Overstep The Bounds Again…

The three-man tent cost £100 and was donated to vagrant Justin Hicks, 35, by members of We Are Witney.

Ahhh, the ‘Big Society’ in action! How noble.

And how ultimately futile…

Mr Hicks had been sleeping in the tent behind the Windrush Leisure Centre, in Witan Way, for a week.

The leisure centre contacted police and two PCSOs removed the tent on Tuesday.

The majority of the tent was found by the leisure centre’s bins, but some poles were found in the bin itself.

*sigh*

Thames Valley Police admitted yesterday that clearing material from private property was not a police matter.

Well, that’s OK, it wasn’t ‘real’ police that did this, was it?

Inspector Helen Roberts, of Witney police, said: “The police received a call from the Windrush Leisure Centre on Tuesday regarding a tent that had been pitched on their land behind the centre for a week and the rubbish accumulating around it.

“There were no personal belongings or occupier with the tent and enquiries to find an owner proved negative so it was dismantled and placed at the location for the owner to collect later.”

It wasn’t just ‘dismantled’, according to Mr Hicks; it was broken, and his Bible and medication were missing. If it had been a Koran, would it have similarly gone missing, I wonder?

Police spokesman Adam Fisher said: “In hindsight this does not really appear to be a police issue.”

No, indeed. So, what compensation will you be paying the people who bought the tent for Mr Hicks, and what action will you be taking to discipline your fakeofficers?

He Should Join The Force, He'd Soon Make Inspector...

Richard Moore, 24, was barred from the Hop Pole in Willerby, Hull, after allegedly abusing the woman because she had accidentally short-changed him by £10.

Typical, loud-mouthed pub boor at large…

The barmaid later apologised and gave him the correct money, but pub staff claim Mr Moore became aggressive and was shouting at the woman and demanding she be strip-searched.

*tuts*

Pub manager Peter Harrison said: 'He is a big fellow and she was quite upset by it all. She was on the verge of tears.'

And after being thrown out, he still wasn’t done bullying the staff:

Mr Moore wrote an email of complaint to the area manager of Mitchells And Butlers' Sizzling Pubs, which owns the venue.

It didn’t get him very far, because after ringing up to discuss it, he was so abusive the managers barred him!

The police authority said it had investigated the allegations into Mr Moore's behaviour and did not believe any further action was necessary.

Hang on a minute….police authority?

Ah. Yes, did I fail to mention he’s a PCSO?

Mr Moore, who works for the Haverstoe Neighbourhood Policing Team in Cleethorpes, joined Humberside Police in April 2009 after working in the motor trade for five years.

Ah. So he was a second-hand car dealer? Well, I guess that’s where he gained his customer service skills...

If PCSOs Have Time For This, They Aren’t Needed At All

… two heavy-handed PCSOs marched into the store - and told staff to take down because it was 'offensive'.

As usual with the ‘MainlyFail’, dig a little deeper into the body of the story, and you find this isn’t strictly true:

Shop assistant Cath Jewitt, 68, said that she took the mannequin down immediately after being 'advised' it was inappropriate.

Well, then the thing to do is to say ‘It’s my shop and I deem it appropriate. You have no business telling me it isn’t. Haven’t you got drowning kids to watch, or something?’…

And if someone points out that they are ‘only acting on concerns and can’t ignore them because it’s their job’ well, think again:

A police spokesman confirmed the PCSOs had acted even though nobody had complained.

I thought they were far too busy dealing with complaints about parking, dog poo, feral teenagers or FaceBook spats?

Surely they don’t have so much free time on their hands they can afford to go looking for potential ‘crimes’?

A spokesman for South Yorkshire Police said that it was feared some people may think the mannequin is 'inappropriate'.

'Two PCSOs, on normal patrol duties called into the shop to ask if they would mind taking the mannequin out of the shop window, as some people may find it inappropriate,' he said.

'This advice was given in an attempt to prevent possible community tension on a sensitive issue.'

And if the shopkeeper had dismissed the ‘advice’ as worthless, and continued with their display?

What would you have done?

The mannequin has now been dressed as Where's Wally.

We’ll just have to hope no-one called Wally grabs the next passing uniformed cretin and says ‘Hey, about this dummy… No, not your colleague…’

And while we have nonsense like this happening, I'm much, much less inclined to listen to 'Oh, it's all the fault of everyone else!' from the likes of the Inspector.

Do the police have to put up with the dregs of everyone else's failings? Yes, undoubtedly.

But let's not forget how often they make a rod for their own backs.

The Age Of Overreaction

Police visited an 11-year-old’s home after her school complained about a Facebook group she set up criticising her headmistress.

OUTRAGE! Free speech! State interference! Waste of valuable police time!

Oh, wait. Maybe not that last one...

Her parents Andrew and Joy Bagguley said they feared one of their daughters had been involved in an accident when they saw the Police Community Support Officer on their doorstep.

So, not a real police officer at all. Hmmm, maybe this case doesn't deserve those screaming 'MAIL' headlines?

The group, called Hate Mrs Frost, attracted 16 members before it was taken down by her parents when the school then attended by both the girls – Park Hall Primary in Stoke-on-Trent – told them about it.

Now, I'm not a BookFace user, but I guess 16 members isn't all that hard to come by? And the parents - rightly - took it down. So, why the fuss?

The following week a PCSO knocked at their door to advise that Leah, who was a prefect at the school, was too young to be on the site – which has a minimum age limit of 13.

Clearly, the place is a paradise with no known crime to speak of, so the authorities have nothing better to do that enforce the EULA of social media sites...

The couple, who also have a 13-year-old daughter, admit Leah was wrong to set up the page, but said it would never have been posted if the school had properly dealt with the boy who they claim threatened to stab Libby.

The boy was admonished by a learning mentor, but they say the school informed his parents only when pushed to do so.

Too busy informing the state apparatus when they see something they don't like on the Internet, clearly. Or indulging in a little character assassination when cornered by the media:

A spokesman for Park Hall said: ‘Mr Bagguley’s complaints have been exhaustively investigated on numerous occasions.’

Translation: 'Oh, these people again..? They're a damned nuisance, don't you know? We're too busy for all this...'

Police said the visit in April followed a complaint to the force by the school.

Because these days, if a complaint is made, no matter how frivolous, the police are duty-bound to 'do something about it'...

Mrs Bagguley, 46, who trains nurses at Keele University, said: ‘They're treating an 11-year-old girl like an adult carrying out a hate crime.

‘It was a silly mistake that children used to write on their notebook, but it's the technology we have these days.’

Yes, it's the technology, clearly. Let's blame that.

It's not the fault of an educational system that seems to be run by squabbling children, rather than for them. It's not the fault of parents who run to the media as soon as something doesn't go their way. It's not the fault of a police service so debased it has to react to every little crisis and call as if it were a solvable social problem.

Clearly, it's the technology. It's advanced, you see. Whereas we've stagnated.

As Much Use As A Chocolate Teapot...

They boasted about the £300,000 capture in a blaze of publicity and posed for photos with some of the 1,000 plants in the haul.

However, while police were relishing the moment at the front of the drugs factory, thieves were busy at the back.

They broke in and started stuffing the cannabis into black bin bags to be loaded into a waiting van.

A neighbour, who was clearly somewhat more vigilant than the officers on the scene, noticed what was happening and raised the alarm.

But, by then, an estimated £15,000 of cannabis plants had been stolen.

Whoops!

To guard the seizure until they arrived, two Police Community Support Officers were told to keep watch at the front of the building.

But the rear of the old nightclub was left unguarded, leaving the thieves free to break in and grab a van full of the plants.

Yesterday South Wales Police said it had started an internal investigation into the blunder to find out if ‘scene preservation protocols’ were followed.

If they were, then I'd suggest they need looking at just as hard...