All The Warmth And Compassion Of A Letter From Your Proctologist...

It wasn't a voice coach this useless article needed, it was someone to teach him how to behave like a human being. 

'The boy' indeed. 

The latest victim of the diversity and enrichment this humanoid Dalek in a paid-for suit is talking about had a name, it was Harvey Willgoose. And I had to scroll a long way down the page to find that story. Did no one in No 10's taxpayer-funded PR team think to include it? Are they all autistic?

Honestly, I know I loathe the man, and that will colour my opinions, but I've felt more humanity when Alexa reads me a local weather report...

The alleged assailant had apparently brought a blade into school on Granville Road last week, according to one furious parent.

On January 29, All Saints had also gone into a 'lock down', they said. A parent said: 'I've been told it's the same lad who caused the lock down last Wednesday who has now killed the schoolboy today.

'How can the school have allowed this to happen today when only five days ago the danger was known about?'

Quite easily, I'd imagine, since the culprit has already been named - and pictured - on social media and his name and face mark him out as part of that vibrant diversity Labour and the Tories were so keen to rub all our noses in. But what of the police? Over to a DEI hire in sensible shoes and a mannish haircut:  

Assistant Chief Constable Butterfield went on: 'We know that what has happened will cause significant distress and concern.

'I would like to reassure you that our officers will remain on scene and in the local area to offer reassurance to parents, staff and local residents as our investigation continues.

Shutting the stable door again.... 

'Although we are in the early stages of our inquiries, we are working at pace to build a full picture of how this tragedy has unfolded.

'We would therefore ask you to avoid speculation and the sharing of online content which could be distressing to them and detrimental to our investigation.'

Or is it because you don't want any more 'far right' riots to trouble the speak-your-weight-machine in No 10? 

Well, I Can’t See This Going Wrong…

Half a million students studied GCSE or A-level history in the UK last year, but just 2,000 of them tackled the origins of the conflict raging in the Middle East. Why? According to one history teacher, Meredith Cann, schools often fear criticism from parents if they tackle sensitive topics.

Mainly because they do it wrong.  

Children are hungry for the chance to study contested and topical periods of history, says Cann, the programme manager at Parallel Histories, an education charity.

Are they? Is there any evidence of that? 

It’s not just Israel and Palestine; other contested subjects often avoided by schools include the impact of the British empire, and the conflict in Northern Ireland.

Really? I thought modern history in schools was 100% 'the British Empire is the root of all evil'..? 

Most schools, she says, restrict their history curriculum to periods that are distant in time or geography.

Well, it IS in the title, after all... 

Parallel Histories promotes new ways to study and understand conflict, helping teachers confidently explore the roots of contemporary wars from Ukraine to Gaza with students, and assess the legacy of leaders such as Winston Churchill. It seeks to reach across community divides and provide an antidote to populism and extremism.

Oooh, I bet it doesn't. I bet perpetuating conflict is its main goal. It is, after all, a fakecharity that gets most of its money from grants, almost certainly from government and other quangos...

“It’s really easy for children to think of history as a list of dead people and what they did. But history is the version of the stories which have shaped and are shaping so much of the modern world,” Cann says. “It’s about how things have been interpreted, and how people have used this history. And that’s where we link to current affairs without treading that line into politicising.”

Good luck trying to walk that line! But let's see an example of the stuff they want to churn out to the kiddies, shall we? 

Parallel Histories works with prominent historians and spends months sifting through sources to draw up the ebooks that are the basis of debates on each topic. For example: was Winston Churchill a racist warmonger who used inhumane forms of warfare? Or was he a visionary leader who saw the threat posed by nazism from the start and led Britain to help defeat Adolf Hitler?

I can pretty much guess the answer. 

The materials on Churchill include a chilling account from his memoir of a military campaign in Afghanistan. Acts that today would probably be considered war crimes are described in his own words. “We destroyed the houses, filled up the wells, blew down the towers, cut down the great shady trees, burned the crops and broke the reservoirs in punitive devastation,” Churchill wrote.

See? 

Rejoice! Free Propaganda!

Konnie Huq, Jamie Oliver, David Baddiel, Adam Kay, Mary Portas and Joseph Coelho are among those collaborating on an ebook about the climate crisis which will be free to access for every UK primary school.

And I'm betting the ones squawking about celebrities writing children's books won't be uttering a single peep about this.... 

The ebook, Children for Change, is edited by Huq and features contributions from more than 80 writers, illustrators, environmentalists and young people including Tom Gates author Liz Pichon, The Gruffalo illustrator Axel Scheffler and TV presenter Chris Packham. The book contains stories, poems, illustrations and features about a variety of topics related to the environment including fast fashion, rewilding and measuring our carbon footprint.

Ugh! Children are usually pretty good about avoiding propaganda and stories adults encourage them to read, so hopefully, they will regard this with as much horror as I once regarded stuff by Enid Blyton.  

The introduction advises children to “start anywhere” in the book. “It’s a chocolate box, essentially”, said Huq.

Well, Jamie Oliver won't like that! He's a health nut now, isn't he? 

“What I love about the idea behind this book is that it’s not all doom and gloom,” said Young Bond series author Charlie Higson, whose writing appears in the anthology. “It’s about letting kids know there are things they can do to safeguard their futures and encouraging them to get involved.”

Because how else can the next cadre of eco-terrorists be raised? 

Huq said it was important that the book was made available for free because there are many children who do not own books, as well as schools that do not have libraries.

A school with no library is an abomination.  

When Did We Stop Listening To The Headshrinkers?

Because even they are aghast at the news that a school in Scotland is allowing one of its pupils to 'identify' as a wolf:

...clinical neuropsychologist Dr Tommy MacKay insisted last night: 'There is no such condition in science as 'species dysphoria'. It's not surprising that we are seeing this in an age when many people want to identify as something other than they are.

'Now we have a council which appears to accept at face value that a child identifies as a wolf, rather than being told to snap out of it and get to grips with themselves, which would be the common-sense approach.'

That's pretty refreshing. Are even the usual purveyors of woo getting fed up with how far people are taking things? 

The local authority said the pupil belonged to a group who called themselves 'furries' and identified with 'animal persona'. The council said it offered 'personal support' and 'more specific support' from a 'wellbeing worker', including counselling and help with learning, adding: 'There is very little specific guidance on species dysphoria.'

What sort of 'support' are they getting? Hopefully, they are being taught apart from any child who 'identifies' as a lamb? 

It explained that it followed Scottish government guidance called Getting It Right For Every Child (Girfec), and used a 'wellbeing wheel' to support pupils regardless of barriers to learning or challenges they face.

Time to take a leaf out of 'Game Of Thrones' and break the wheel! 

Another Lockdown Era Benefit Is Stripped Away...

It's not just working from home....

A Croydon school’s decision to reverse a policy allowing pupils to wear PE kit to school rather than getting changed before the lesson has drawn the anger of parents and students, who argue “mental health will suffer as a result”.

What?

Parents with children at Woodcote High School believe the school’s decision will disproportionately impact SEND children and those who don’t want to get changed in front of their peers.

One parent, Rebecca Guildford, told the local democracy reporting service (LDRS), the new policy will make students’ differences “blindly obvious,” and could negatively impact their mental health.

The former policy, which stipulated that students get dressed in their PE kits at home rather than in the school changing rooms, was launched during the pandemic due to concerns over social distancing.

And why, if it was popular, and it was, a referendum carried out was overwhelmingly in favour of continuing, is it being reversed now? 

The school’s reason for the update was reportedly due to a continuing trend of children coming in the wrong PE kit, which the school said it could not control under the current policy.

Ah. Lack of 'control'. Is it me, or do schools increasingly want to control the little things because they are totally unable to control the larger things, like school violence? 

You’ve Sacked The Wrong One!

A school has lodged a complaint against a coach company after footage emerged of a driver’s expletive-filled rant to schoolchildren.

And why was he abusing the cerubic little passengers?  

In the video seen by the BBC, a man believed to be the coach driver is heard accusing children of not wearing a seatbelt and smoking on the bus.

Heh! Surely not? Well, when they are out of their teacher's sight...

Oh, wait!  

Gill Lane, whose child was onboard the coach on 11 July, said there were seven teachers on the coach at the time of the incident, which happened halfway through a four-hour journey. “The teachers' job is to keep our children safe and to manage them on the coach,” she said. "And on this occasion, they failed our children.

“I don’t know if I can keep my children at the school because I don’t know if I can trust them to keep them safe.”

Well, I'd say the answer is no, you can't. Especially if they did nothing to ensure they put their seatbelts on and didn't smoke.  

Wise Coaches, based in Hailsham, said the pupils had been “disruptive”, but the driver no longer worked for the company as of the day after the incident.

Why sack him? Just because he tried to instil some discipline that the teachers couldn't? 

The school said staff on the trip had attempted to reason with the coach driver and asked him to moderate his language and behaviour.

But did nothing about the behavior of their pupils? Sounds to me like there should be more sackings. At the school!  

And Parents, Hannah? Where Do They Feature?

Received this on Thursday: 

Here's the text:

"The King’s Speech contained some positive first steps on health, reiterating the government’s commitment for the NHS to focus more on prevention. This included specific legislation to restrict the advertising of junk food to children and banning sales of high caffeine energy drinks to children.

"However, if Labour is going to meet its ambition of achieving the healthiest generation of children in our history, they will need to go much further than this and take a wider range of steps to improve our food system. Recent evidence showed children in England are getting shorter, that life expectancy at birth is decreasing, and children are more likely to have obesity and type 2 diabetes, highlighting just how important addressing this issue is.

"The King’s Speech also touched on issues of wealth creation, opportunities for all, and getting through the cost of living crisis, however there was no mention of the child poverty strategy previously committed to. With millions sadly still experiencing food insecurity across the UK, it was positive to see commitments around a better deal for workers, however more action is desperately needed to ensure everybody can access and afford a healthy and sustainable diet, including by enhancing benefits and strengthening existing nutritional safety nets such as Healthy Start and Free School Meals."

You could be forgiven for reading this and thinking that the UK was some strange sci-fi world where children were raised in podding hutches as wards of the State, and not by mothers and fathers with responsibility for their welfare and upbringing, couldn't you..? 

Double-Barrelled Name Quadrupled!

My maths isn't up to this!

A primary school headmistress who was sacked and accused of assault after tapping her own toddler's hand while he played with a bottle of hand sanitiser has been awarded more than £100,000. Shelly-Ann Malabver-Goulbourne was trying to get her three-year-old to stop playing with the bottle in her office when she used two fingers to attract his attention, an employment tribunal heard.

Wow, usually, this wouldn't even be worth mentioning, let alone calling the police over. The police, Ambush? Yes indeed, Reader... 

Despite the police ruling that her actions were 'reasonable chastisement' by a parent, Ms Malabver-Goulbourne, 46, was found guilty of gross misconduct and sacked.Yet an employment judge concluded there was no evidence that she had committed 'physical chastisement or an assault' and ruled her dismissal unfair.

So who instigated this, and has lost the school £10k as a result?  

'It was around 6.20pm and [Ms Malabver-Goulbourne] was packing up her things to go home after having a meeting with Ms Bhagwandas, the designated lead for safeguarding,' the hearing was told.

Ah! Well, if you sack a teacher for tapping a child on the hand, what do you do to someone who lies about a colleague's actions and files a false report, I wonder? 

"Can't Attend Your Burglary Madam, Little Johnnie's Not Turned Up For Maths Again..."

Some schools in England are sending police to the homes of children who are persistently absent, or warning them their parents may go to prison if their attendance doesn’t improve, the Observer has learned.

Like the police have time for this.... 

But child psychologists and parent groups are warning that the push for full attendance is driving “heavy-handed” crackdowns at some schools, and ignores the issues that often lie behind school refusal, including mental health problems, unmet special educational needs, bereavement or the child being a carer.

Some might say it's not heavy-handed enough. 

Ellie Costello, co-founder of Square Peg, a lobbying and support group for children who don’t fit into the conventional schools model, said: “Parents have told us about very strict schools actually forcing entry to their homes. Schools are turning up with community police. They are shouting up the stairs to highly anxious children, demanding they come into school now.”

And the youth are likely to treat 'community police' with the same disdain they treat real actual police on the street. he same disdain they treat real actual police on the street.  

Oliver Conway, a child protection solicitor at London law firm Oliver Fisher, which is co-hosting a conference with Square Peg this week on the impact of prosecuting parents on attendance, said many poorer parents were unable to pay fines. He asked: “Why aren’t they giving these families proper mental health support and support from social services instead of trying to punish them?”

Shouldn't criticise, if they did that, how would people like you earn a living? 

One “deeply vulnerable” woman came to him in great distress because the local authority was taking her to court for not sending her 14-year-old daughter into school. “Her daughter wasn’t going in because she was pregnant. She was involved in county lines [drug trafficking] and she was being sexually abused by a drug dealer,” he said.

This isn't an issue for a school to solve, it's an issue for the police!  

The Jesuits Were Right...

A nursery in Petts Wood has received its second 'Outstanding' rating from Ofsted, with the watchdog praising it as a place where children can "celebrate their uniqueness".

Inspectors found that the Petts Wood nursery staff teach children about diversity in "inspirational ways", with cultural, physical, and social differences being a daily part of learning.

How else to ensure your ideology flourishes, but to target the kiddies?  And when you've got them, make sure you keep them: 

Varndean College in Surrenden Road, Brighton, was praised by inspectors for its "vibrant and highly inclusive culture" which helps "students flourish".Inspectors also found that the students are respectful towards each other and "embrace diversity".

Until real life intervenes to teach them otherwise.  

It's Not The Children They Are Worrying About...

The petition goes on to allege that Prevent is racist and Islamophobic, stating: ‘Muslim parents are worried that a child’s innocent comment [on Gaza] could lead to them being hauled before Prevent.

‘Many have demonstrated their support and sympathy for the Palestinian people, but are fearful of the consequences.’

...it's what will happen when it's realised that the children are merely parroting what they are hearing at home. Or in the mosque. 

Why they should worry about any consequences is the big mystery because sadly, there never are any for this wretched backward cult.

Security was tightened around the Tower Hamlets civic centre in preparation for the hearing last night. Entitled ‘Defend Free Speech and Democracy’, it was handed to the borough’s mayor Lutfur Rahman and the council’s cabinet.

And there's a clear example of the lack of consequences - this man's history should have ensured he was never re-elected.

One local councillor expressed fears about the petition and its timing. They warned it might inflame an already tense situation in the borough over the Gaza-Israeli conflict and anti-Semitic feeling.

I'm not sure, at this stage, that that's even possible... 

Getting The Excuses In Early...

The boy – who the court heard has autism - was brought into court from police custody and spoke only to confirm he was not going to enter a plea at this time. When asked by District Judge James Gould what his plea would be, he simply said: 'No indication'. Judge Gould remanded the teen into custody until his next hearing at Sheffield Crown Court on May 31.

One mother, Ashlea Wolff, said: 'We have been sent a letter by the school but it has given no indication as to how the child got into the school or what will be done to prevent this from happening again.

'As a parent, I want to know what they will be doing to keep my child safe.'

The letter does actually say that, it can be summed up as 'This time we'll be locking that stable door!' since it's full of things that should already have been in place. 

 

Why Are We Importing Trouble?

A Muslim teaching assistant who claimed that being given the Christmas Grinch prize at a staff award ceremony amounted to religious discrimination has lost his employment tribunal case. Salah Toughfar said he was 'upset and distressed' to have been compared to the Dr Seuss character - despite not know (sic) anything about the mean-tempered creature until a colleague showed him a Wikipedia description.

You have to wonder how someone in a school environment could possibly claim that... 

Mr Toughfar, a practising Muslim from Morocco, began working at The Grove School in north London in April 2020, an employment tribunal was told.

Ah. Why on earth did they need to import stroppy muslims from another country? It's not like we are short of them here, is it?  

The Search Education Trust-run school is a specialist free school for students aged five to 19 with a primary diagnosis of autism, and is 'diverse', with pupils and staff from all backgrounds, the Watford tribunal heard.

Wonderful.  

The learning support assistant, who still works at the school, told the tribunal he got involved in school Christmas activities such as putting up decorations in class as part of his role, but would not have a Christmas dinner.

He can't have been that upset if he still works there!  

Mr Toughfar, who was represented by his wife at the hearing, had previously received the Prankster Award, which he did not raise an issue about at the time, the tribunal was told.

Is his wife a lawyer, then?  

Judge Dilbaag Bansal said Mr Toughfar had 'not put forward any evidence whatsoever that his being awarded the Christmas Grinch award was either because of or related to his religion. 'The tribunal was satisfied that the reason why he received the Christmas Grinch award was because he had received the highest number of votes at the point the voting had closed.'

When even the other diversity hires won't support you, it's a lost cause.  

They Can't Get The Three 'R's Right....

...so it's expecting a bit much for them to solve the Middle East conflict.

Schools in England are closing down legitimate debate about the Israel-Gaza conflict because teachers feel ill-equipped and are concerned about political impartiality, the government’s independent adviser on social cohesion has said.

I suppose teachers concerning themselves about political impartiality for once is a good thing, they've certainly never been too concerned before.  

Dame Sara Khan said that if schools continued to shut down debate they risked “fuelling further anger, hate and polarisation”. She said the conflict, which has prompted huge demonstrations by hundreds of thousands of pro-Palestinian protesters across London and elsewhere, has had a marked impact on schools, where pupils want to talk about events in Gaza.

 I'm not sure there can be further 'anger hate and polarisation' from the usual suspects who stink up London's streets every weekend. .

She also said teachers felt there was too little guidance on teaching controversial issues in personal, social, health and economic (PSHE) lessons and were worried about a lack of support from the Department for Education (DfE) when difficulties arose.

When 'difficulties arise' meaning this sort of thing that sparked this whole review? Then they don't get support from ANY part of the government, so why single out the DfE? 

The war in Gaza has caused a number of incidents in schools. In one case, Barclay primary school in Leyton, east London, sought help from the Metropolitan police to investigate threats to the school and abuse of staff after its decision to ban political symbols, including the Palestinian flag.

Seeking help from the Met Police is a bit like calling an arsonist to find out why your premises burned down. It's their lack of ability to stamp down hard on this fifth column we've stupidly let into our country that has lead to this state of affairs. Other police forces don't put up with it.  

Another teacher in an inner-city school, who also wished to remain anonymous, said it was a “massive failing” on the part of schools. “From the word go, we were told this was a political issue and we can’t discuss it. If we’re not talking about it, it does not mean that the kids are not interested. They know what’s going on. They are going online where there’s no control over what they are seeing.”

The kids aren't interested. It's their parents who are pushing this, kids being kids the world over and they'd probably prefer to be worrying about what fashions are in or out and the fortunes of their preferred football team. 

The NEU has been criticised over a motion to be discussed at its annual conference which expresses support for the Palestinian Solidarity Campaign (PSC) and brands Israel’s government “racist” and “guilty of apartheid policies”.

So, despite the teachers complaining that they get no support, they - or rather, their union - is actively fanning the flames? 

The motion, to be debated by delegates at the gathering in Bournemouth next week, calls on the executive to “publish and circulate educational resources that members can use to increase understanding of Palestine and Israel”.It also says Israel’s government is the main driver of the conflict and calls on the UK government to stop “being an enabler of Israel’s apartheid policies”, while an amendment says all attempts to clamp down on the right to protest and discuss the issue must be opposed.

Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off again. You're not worried about 'impartiality' at all, you just want the opportinity to cheerlead for the wrong side.  

No, This Is Not 'A Lack Of Money Problem'...

...it's a 'lack of discipline problem':

...pause to consider the words of the new head of Ofsted, Martyn Oliver. In January, he talked about taking on wrecked schools when he was leader of an academy trust, including one in which students stopped staff, saying: “This is a no-go corridor, it belongs to the children.”

I very much doubt those were the exact words used. Almost certainly some thuggish demand voiced in a fake Jamaican patois (no matter the skin colour might have been as pasty-white as mine) that should have been slapped down hard at the time, not whined about in later interviews.

It is hard not to read this as a loud indictment of the political neglect of children and education under Tory governance.

On the contrary, it's pretty easy not to, I read it as a loud indictment of parent's failure to bring up their children to be decent, respectful members of society, probably because those parents aren't that themselves. 

Whether it is routinely being told to eff off by 11-year-olds or breaking up fights, this isn’t a problem that can be chalked up to individual teachers’ poor classroom management. These incidents, ranging from spitting to throwing chairs, lay bare the impact of years of chronic underfunding of essential children’s services, compounded by the Covid-19 pandemic.

Ah, the pandemic, the 2024 version of 'the dog ate my homework'.  

How does this result in disruptive behaviour within classrooms?

How indeed, Lola? 

The absence of support from social or youth services exposes children to unsafe environments, at home and in their communities.

Yes, these children would be decent members of society if only there were youth clubs on their doorstep. It's a familar refrain. 

The continued refrain that a Labour government won’t “turn on the spending taps” may be meant to resonate with voters concerned about fiscal responsibility, but it rings alarm bells for those of us at the frontline of this crisis.

 Why? Surely you are smarter than to believe that campaign promises will be upheld?

The question facing our next government is whether to continue the cycle of neglect or embrace a different future for our children – one in which bromides about how we value them and their potential is backed up with money spent.

You could stop by seeing them as 'our children' and focussing on why parents are raising their children to behave like this. But that would mean looking in a mirror, wouldn't it? 

What Does It Matter?

Surely the only thing to be fixated on is the pass rate?

“Art education offers something special to children and young people, but sadly there is a deficiency in our current provision, meaning that wonderful opportunities for growth and change are missed, and this impacts all students,” the report said.

The lack of standardised guidance in the curriculum means the inclusion of artists from underrepresented backgrounds remains a challenge, with lesson content largely set by teachers and subject leaders, which means students often only have access to a “narrow perspective on the artistic world”, the report says.

Because everything else has only been improved by inclusion policies, right?  

The Runnymede Trust and Freelands Foundation are calling for exam boards to commit to a minimum target of 25% representation for minority ethnic artists in GCSE art exam papers for 2025. Pearson and Eduqas have agreed.

*sighs* 

I Always Wondered What They Talked About While Spreading The Mayo On The Bread....

Hannah believes the toxicity surrounding the transgender debate has created a climate of fear in schools. 'Nobody is prepared to speak out or challenge decisions made without discussion,' she said. She now works in a sandwich shop 'where we are more freely able to discuss these issues'.

That's nice...but sandwich shops aren't educating our children (though if they were, it'd probably improve things).  

'Gosh, How Unexpected' Said Nobody, Ever...

Actress and TV presenter Danielle Mason...

Sorry, Reader, no idea...

...claims her 12-year-old son, who has autism, hasn't been to school for over a year due to a lack of funding for his special educational needs - and says 'he'll never go back because his confidence has been knocked so much'. Mason, 41, who lives in Bracknell, says her son Rudy, who should be in Year Eight, has been declined a place at numerous schools in Berkshire after he was excluded 21 times from his last school, The Brakenhale School.

Twenty-one times...! 

Speaking to MailOnline, the mother-of-two claims that the schools 'cannot cope' with her son's EHCP [Education, Health and Care Plan] due to a 'lack of government funding' - and that he's received homework for the first time in a year this week. She says her daughter Delilah, who also has an EHCP due to mental health problems, is currently in Year Six at primary school, and has also failed to get a place at several senior schools.

Two children with mental health issues? Gosh, what are the odds?  

The mother claimed her son would be excluded for 'silly reasons' such as coming in wearing his trainers instead of his school shoes, while other days he was 'triggered' when the school couldn’t handle his needs properly.

But sweetie, those aren't 'silly reasons', are they? 

Danielle revealed it has become like a full-time job trying to find a place for her children's educational needs.

It's probably the only full-time job she's ever had. And she's failing at it miserably. 

"That's bait..."

You're not wrong, Max...

The 'Attitude to Learning' scheme, at Dorothy Stringer School in Brighton, awards pupils scores based on criteria including respect, creativity and resilience. Those given the best scores are promoted to the front of the queue at breaktime, while those with the worst scores must wait until others have finished.

Parents have said the system 'unfairly discriminates' against children and uses access to food as a punishment to 'shame' less able pupils.

A father said: 'Restricting access to food or using it as a reward is totally wrong. This is 2024, not the Victorian era.'

Oh noes! The poor starving kiddiewinks! How awful! 

One girl attending the East Sussex school – deemed a 'good' pupil but with poor scores – said there is often little food left by the time she gets into the canteen. The year 11 pupil claimed she ate just a small fruit jelly one day this week.

When will this insanity st...

Oh, wait. 

The policy at Dorothy Stringer was piloted in year 11 last year by headmaster Matt Hillier, it was then rolled out across the school. Mr Hillier said: 'The new system was introduced to improve queuing and ensure that students can access the canteen safely. It only applies at breaktimes, when approximately 1,600 children go through the canteen in 25 minutes, and not at lunchtimes.

Lunchtime and free school meal provision is unchanged.

Well, well, well...that's not the impression one gets from the headline and the quotes from the outraged parents, is it? 

'Students are not separated from their friends – they can choose to wait and go in together. This system does not prevent anyone from accessing food and food does not run out. It rewards students who demonstrate a positive ATL.

'It is not linked to attainment and lots of students with SEN [special educational needs] have excellent scores. A small number of students with a specific need linked to canteen entry already have passes that allow them to bypass the queue.'

Storm in a teacup again? 

Sounds Like A Place Where Hope’s Been Abandoned…

A primary school has promised improvement after its kitchen received one of the worst food hygiene ratings in Bexley.

Hope Community School in Sidcup has vowed to "urgently" address the rating, after the Food Standards Agency (FSA) discovered a catalogue of failings during their visit in December. It was found that staff were not wearing protective clothing and could not tell the inspector what allergens were in the food they were serving to pupils. The grim discoveries led to an overall "one" hygiene rating, the second lowest possible – placing it in the bottom 1.1 per cent of establishments in the borough.

So, Greasy Ali's Kebab House provides a better - and safer! - meal for your kiddiewinks than their school! 

Good grief! Maybe they should get their education there as well? 

A spokesperson for the school said: "We take food hygiene very seriously.

OK, really? So, what's your explanation for this, then? 

"The lower than expected rating was predominantly due to improvements needing to be made in the paperwork and procedures element of the inspection.

Errr, yes.  

"The school very recently took the catering inhouse, and was therefore in a transitional stage during the inspection, which meant the catering team were still in the process of establishing the appropriate paperwork and procedures required."

That's your explanation? Jeez. 'The dog ate our homework' would have been more plausible...