Tweet Of The Month

Ah, Labour. The gift that keeps on giving. Giving things to poke fun at mercilessly:

Post Title Of The Month

Hector Drummond has a fortuitously named antagonist:

Quote Of The Month

DumbJon on the Trump Korean Affair:

"Apparently, all it took was a successful summit meeting and suddenly The Golden Don has been transformed from Literally Hitler into Literally Chamberlain.

Don't be surprised if one of the left's more repellant groups rebrands itself the 'Start The War' coalition and Madonna and that tool from Coldplay get together to do a duet of 'Give War A Chance'."

Meanwhile, the furore about 'upskirting' provided Tim Newman with a chance to nail the feminist raison d'etre to the wall:

"Firstly, let’s not pretend this is something so traumatic it needs to be dealt with as matter of priority by the national government. I haven’t seen any upskirting pictures but I can’t imagine they show very much other than some blurry skin and what might be knickers. As the police mentioned in the video said, they’d show more than you’d them to show, but they’re hardly pornographic and you couldn’t identify anyone from them. When the woman in the video says “I had no rights over my own body at that point” she is engaging in laughable hyperbole which is all too common when talking about women’s rights in the modern era."

Post Of The Month

Grandad at HeadRambles does some, errrr, 'property maintenance'...

There Are No Words....

Well, actually, there are. And those words are 'fucking useless politically correct police who aren't fit for purpose and should be strung up by their bollocks (if you can find any)', but this is a family blog and...

Oh. Well, it was.

A magistrate defending his family against an armed gang who stormed his home ended up being arrested himself – and accused of a racially aggravated assault.

Police detained Nigel Stringer for three hours and he remains under investigation while the gang – believed to have been armed with a gun, knives, metal bars and a crossbow – were allowed to leave.

Is there a bit of schadenfreude that this is a member of the criminal justice system suddenly realising what all of us who aren't have known for years?

Reader, I'd be lying if I said there wasn't...

The 67-year-old, who has been a magistrate for 26 years, is now standing down to pursue a private prosecution against the men.

But you know what? I totally admire him for this. Not content with just whinging, he's going to fight.

Mr Stringer says justice 'runs in my blood', with his grandfather and parents having careers in policing.

But he said: 'They would all turn in their graves to know that modern political correctness caused my son and I to be taken from our home for defending our family.

'In detaining us the police left my wife and daughters unprotected with some of the gang still in and around our garden.'

Of course they did.

And I'm wondering now if the cops that arrested him had ever come up against him in court, and lost. After all, it seems to be a pretty common thing for uniformed thugs to get the idea they can do as they please.

Yesterday Mr Stringer said: 'This should be a warning to all homeowners that not only are the police unable to protect us, they will actually arrest innocent homeowners who protect themselves, even against an armed and dangerous gang.'

Thanks for the warning, but we didn't really need it. We've seen it happen too many times.

A Norfolk Police spokesman said a file has been submitted to the Crown Prosecution Service and Mr Stringer 'remains under investigation'.

I hope there's a few sweaty collars in the CPS & ACPO ranks right now, and not just because of the unseasonable temperatures...

It's Not 'A Witch Hunt' If You Find Witches....

...the owner of the Alsatian, John Bennett, 71, said he had become the victim of a witchhunt.

Oh, really?

Mr Bennett said eight year old Rex was a rescue dog with a "lovely nature".

Gosh, we've heard that one before!

"There has been a total witchhunt literally by 100s of people. It has just gone beserk. I have it all on film because after the first incident I got a body camera," he said. "I have been the victim of a hate campaign. It is totally untrue. My dog was trying to defend itself. Mr Laurie walked up to me."

Your alsatian was 'trying to defend itself' by ripping the guts out of a miniature schnauzer less than a quarter of its size?

Referring to the previous incident, Mr Bennett said Rex had only attacked the man after he intervened in a fight between the two dogs.

Not the best excuse, since he wouldn't have had to if you'd kept your animal under control. But then, that's always been a bit of a problem for you. Hasn't it?

He said he had given Rex a new home in February after the death of his much loved 11 year-old Alsatian Lotty.

In 2010 Sevenoaks magistrates ordered Mr Bennett to keep Lotty on the lead after she knocked over a young girl in Greatness Recreation Ground.

Can't control one powerful dog, gets another as soon as he can...

A spokesman for Sevenoaks District Council said the council's dog warden was aware of the latest incident and was investigating.

Why aren't the police investigating? What was the point of the new legislation they demanded, if they don't use it?

When You Begin To Wonder What They Are Putting In The 'Guardian' Watercooler...

Eh...? Who...?

*googles*

OK, Suzanne, how the hell does the death of some 'rap star' in the US (probably by another 'rap star') show anything at all about UK drug policy?

*reads article*

Another tormented genius has gone. New drugs and new music, perhaps. But the same old story. The torments are actually carried out on the broken bodies of women and gay men. “Troubled” masculinity kicks down, always down. Into the darkest places of all.

Nope. I'm none the wiser.

Ummmm......

A stabbing in Westcliff by a group of yobs on bikes:

Detective Inspector Paul Ahmed said: “This is an isolated incident and we have had no further reports which we believe to be similar or linked.”

 Really? Are you sure? Because not two paragraphs later...

The latest one prior to this incident was a stabbing in Kenway where a man suffered lifethreatening stab wounds to the chest and was taken to hospital on June 12.

In that case, the suspects also rode away on push bikes.

Do you have to be thick as mince to apply to work for Essex Police, or do they provide on the job training?

The Latest Front In The Entitlement Wars

I am disabled with very limited mobility and a chronic pain condition which makes commuting incredibly difficult at the best of times. I have my 'please give me a seat' badge and card which I wear whenever I travel, but it is not enough.

No, it never is, is it?

I still find myself having to plead with people for a priority seat (or any seat) on tubes and buses. Part of the problem is people do not look up at the stops. Sometimes intentionally, sometimes because they are engrossed in their phone or paper.

So what, people should obsessively scan the carriage, never relaxing? You don't expect much, do you?

This petition is to ask TFL and the Minister for Transport to launch a new campaign. A 'Look Up' campaign.

Great. Another new campaign.

TFL have pre-recorded announcements on every bus and tube in the city with upcoming stop information, with mind the gap announcements. I would like TFL to consider introducing an announcement at every stop with the message 'look up, does someone need your seat?'

Which will be 'tuned out' just the same as those other messages.

Having to ask someone to vacate a priority seat is incredibly hard. Not just because of the embarrassment or fear or rejection but because you cannot be sure if the person sitting in it is able to stand or not.

Just like everyone else, then!

We need 'Look Up' to become as common place and as instinctive as 'Mind the Gap'.

And as soon as it does, and everyone treats it just like those announcements, you'll be back demanding more action. Won't you?

Who Do You Think You're Fooling?

Assistant Chief Constable Jo Edwards, of Lancashire Police said today: 'The incidents at Thwaites over the Bank Holiday weekend understandably caused a huge amount of upset and anger in the local community and we recognise that.

'We have had a dedicated team of officers working hard behind the scenes to identify those responsible for causing these unacceptable criminal acts...

Maybe they wouldn't have needed to, if they'd turned up and arrested the travellers there and them?

...and this morning's activity is just the latest stage in our ongoing investigation.

'We continue to work closely with Thwaites Brewery and we have updated them with this morning's activity.'

'I would like to remind people that we generally have good relationships with the travelling community and the level of destruction and damage caused to the Thwaites site is not reflective of the behaviour of the majority of travellers.'

I'm assuming you didn't manage to say that with a straight face? Frankly, I don't see how anyone could...

That'd Make 'Jurassic Park' Look Tame!

Commuters frustrated by severe disruptions on the trains have taken their anger out on the gates of a station in Hertfordshire, kicking and pushing through them after they were closed to prevent overcrowding.

Because everyone knows that will make the rail staff say 'Ah, we were just kidding!' and let you through?

“Forget schedules, we are way past that, no one had any idea what train was turning up,” said Charlotte Halkett, the managing director of a technology company in London.

“The boards just didn’t say anything, all we had was the station announcer telling us we think this train is possibly going to go there. There was not a timetable, just chaos, trains running riot in the wild which is just so dangerous.”

Who wants to tell Charlotte about these things called 'rails' that trains run on?

Or don't run, in the case of most of our network"

Gosh, Is It 2019 Already?

A public schoolboy who stabbed his best friend 13 times "for his own personal gratification" in Croydon has been handed another prison sentence for knife possession.

'Another'...?

Harry Schick, then 17, was locked up for nine years in 2010 after luring Gavin Doyle, 16, into the woods and repeatedly knifing him in the throat, lung and liver in an horrific hour-long ordeal.

Hmmmm. *counts on fingers* Wait, he shouldn't be out, should he?

Today the 25 year old, who attended £20,000-a-year Pangbourne College, in Reading, was jailed for 16 months after police caught him with three knives during a crackdown on moped crime.

So, he might now do 9 years - just!

In 2016, for two offences of driving a motorbike with excess alcohol, he was sentenced to 18 months in prison and disqualified from driving for three years.

In 2016? Just when did he get out?

For each count of three counts of knife possession Schick was jailed for 16 months to run concurrently. He was also banned from driving for three years and 10 months.

Which he'll ignore just like the last one.Because where's the incentive not to?

'They are just little rats and something needs to be done to deter them.'

I agree. But since we can't even seem to hold them, I fear that's just wishful thinking:

Merseyside Police confirmed on Wednesday that a 13-year-old from Huyton and a 15-year-old from Stockbridge Village had been arrested in connection with an assault on Greystone Road, Broadgreen.

Both teenagers were given conditional bail on Thursday.

 Liverpool. What a lovely place.

How Would That Go, Exactly, Shelina?

"Hello, 999 operator? I'd like to report something concerning..."

"Yes madam, how can we help you? What's the problem"

"There's a large group of black youths gathering in the streets!"

"..."

"I'm hanging up now, madam. Be thankful we don't come and arrest you for a hate crime."

That's Impressive, 'Mail' Webmonkeys...

A grammar error and spelling the name of one of the subjects wrong!

Yes, Yes, That's Usually The Cause...

...isn't it?

H/T: wiggia via email

Sunday Funnies...

Because someone will always go one better...

Learning Every Lesson Except The Most Important One...

...self control:

We all know how social media can be distracting. You pop on to Facebook for ‘five minutes’ and before you know it an hour has passed.

So Andreea-Denisa Ciubotaru, 16, from Barking, got her headteacher at Eastlea Community School in Canning Town, to lock her phone away for a month so she could revise for her GCSEs without being tempted.

As a result her predicted grades have shot up from Cs plus to As.

She knows how distracting it can be, she knows she should concentrate. So why doesn't she know that handing that decision over to someone else is the wrong thing to do?

She said: “Everyone knows how addictive your phone can be. I have told all my friends to do it.

“If I had tried to keep the phone at home I know I would have pestered my mum to give it to me so it had to be somewhere I knew I couldn’t get it.”

Another millennial prepares to enter the world of work with no ability to exercise the most basic of human traits. It doesn't bode well, does it?

The Great British Justice System: Keeping Death On The Road...

A man was given a fresh chance for being caught at the wheel of a car four months after being banned.

Majid Hussain, 35, was spotted in a damaged BMW as he pulled onto Colwick Road in Sneinton, a court heard. Police followed it on the Racecourse Island onto Daleside Road and across the Lady Bay Bridge, said Lucky Thandi, prosecuting.

"Three vehicles were involved in the pursuit, illuminated emergency lights and made a tactical stop," she told Nottingham Crown Court.

Yes, the sort of thing you'll have seen on those fly on the wall cop shows, manoeuvres that the police only do in desperation.

She told the court that Hussain had 25 previous offences on his record. In December, he was given a six-month suspended prison sentence for dangerous driving. He was also banned from driving at the time.

That worked well, didn't it? And with a record like that, why on earth should he get a suspended?

Chris Brewin, mitigating, said Hussain has been making good progress in dealing with medical problems.

Being a law-breaking shithead isn't a medical condition. Or is it, now? I can't keep up!

Experts felt that a prison term could hamper that process.

Ah, 'experts'....

"He had a fairly calamitous breakdown a couple of years ago and lost his family and business. He is building himself back up," added Mr Brewin on behalf of Hussain who lives in Lancaster Road, Bakersfield.

By refusing to comply with the terms our toothless legal system imposes?

Judge Steven Coupland imposed a four-month prison sentence, suspended for 18 months, for driving while disqualified on March 7. Hussain pleaded guilty.

He told Hussain: "This is a last chance. Don't let me down. If you do, then prison lies at the end of the road."

Just how many 'last chances' has he had?

The judge ordered Hussain to attend a probation course to improve his "thinking skills."

The legal system needs to send its own people on these.

Nature, Red In .... Beak And Claw?

Crows left a toddler dripping with blood when they swooped on him in his buggy. The two-year-old boy was out with his mother in Wish Road, Hove, when three of the black birds pecked him in an unprovoked attack.

Hmmm, unprovoked? 

Resident Helen Laguea carried out first aid on the boy after her father, David Husbands, witnessed the horror as he walked through the street.

 'The horror'...

“The woman couldn’t believe how aggressive the birds were. She said there were three of them.

“Blood was coming from his head and he was crying as his mum examined him.

“I nipped back to my daughter’s house opposite to get some antiseptic wipes and she sat on the doorstep to clean him up.

“After five or ten minutes they went on their way.

“As they left, one of the crows brazenly flew down and perched on a nearby post.”

It's picking its next victim! But seriously, is there no clue to this sort of behaviour?

Mrs Laguea, 39, said the aggressive crows, who are nesting in a tree next to Wish Park, began harassing a dog walker shortly after attacking the boy.

Ah. There we go. 

The man, she said, had to “furiously swing a bag of poo” to make them go away.

 I...

I just...

*collapses laughing*

Another Perfect Storm...

Two cyclists needed hospital treatment after a police car answering a 999 call knocked them off their bike on Friday.

The unit was answering an emergency call at the time, using blue lights and sirens. The bicycle was not a tandem.

If that seems an odd thing to add, well, there's actually good reason.

Not that the local rag elaborates, of course. That's left to the commenters:

So who's at fault?

The matter has been advised to the Independent Office for Police Conduct.

Ah. Of course. Couldn't possibly have been the cyclist!

Another Shaggy Dog Story!

The owner of a wolf-dog living in Worcester has claimed the animal was stolen and taken to Aberystwyth in Wales.

The man, who asked to remain anonymous, had been living in Grosvenor Walk, St John’s. The 33-year-old said two women had cut a hole in the fence and stole seven year old Koda, whose name in Native American means ‘friend’, from the garden on Thursday, May 17.

Just another tale of dog theft? Well, not quite:

The pooch was due to be rehomed on Saturday, May 19.

Hmmm...

He said: “We never got to say goodbye to the dog because someone stole him. “I have had him for seven years, since he was a baby. He slept in my bed.”

The man, who has two young children, said he had tried to rehome the pooch, which is thought to be a mixture of wolf and Husky, when his schedule as a builder became too much.

The mystery deepens!

Previously, residents living nearby the property had voiced concerns for the dog, which they said had been “howling day and night”.

Officers from St John’s and Bedwardine Safer Neighbourhood Team and the RSPCA visited the address to assess the animal.

Police Sergeant Carl Jones said: “West Mercia Police are aware of this incident and have investigated the removal of the dog.”

Note: not the theft of the dog.

The dog has since been rehomed.

Speaking previously, an RSPCA spokesman said: “We are aware of this and have been liaising with the police and the local authority to resolve the situation.”

It appears you've been thwarted by someone, doesn't it?

"For the things people care about, they are not interested.."

Bella restaurant owner Lak Stavrou said it has reached the stage where there is “no point” in calling the police.

He said: “It seems like they are too scared to do anything about it.”

That's ridiculous, Mr Stavrou.

They are too lazy, incompetent or thick. Not scared.

“There are people shouting in the streets, there are aggressive beggars. We need police officers going up and down the street on Friday and Saturday nights.

“There is no reason why there shouldn’t be a police presence, it would really help.”

Clearly, the police feel there is a reason. Perhaps they just don't feel like it?

Some business owners described how drug use around St James’s Street is blatant, while residents reported waking up to find needles, urine and faeces on their doorstep. One resident said: “We get an awful lot of people using the alleyways as a toilet.”

There were complaints that there is often a regular smell of cannabis in the area.

You won't need to walk too far down Southend High Street before you smell cannabis. I often do. And that's in broad daylight!

It's a mystery to me that the police seem unable to detect it.

A member of the community action group reported seeing a live drug deal taking place near her home, but said that officers were always too slow to respond to actually catch dealers.

They argued that if there were more officers out on patrol, they would catch more criminals in the act.

Not if they are like the teeny tiny police officer I saw a while ago, who barely came up to my chin even with her hat on!

Deputy Chief Constable Bernie O’Reilly said: “We have had plain clothes officers stopping and searching people along with uniform patrols, so we are taking action where we can.

“Our officers attended the meeting, and have been speaking with business owners to reassure people that we are out and about.”

They don't seem reassured to me. I wonder why?

Why Should They Listen, When There Are So Few Consequences?

Megan Palmer, 27, and her husband James were trying for their second child but their plans were interrupted following the medical error at Rochford Medical Practice.

What sort?

Megan visited the practice for a vitamin B12 injection, which helps improve fertility.

Instead she was given Depo-Provera, a powerful birth control shot - despite querying the packaging with the nurse.

/facepalm

The subsequent anxiety as to whether she would ever conceive again led to Megan developing a psychological disorder, which was diagnosed by a consultant psychiatrist.

*sceptical face*

The Palmers decided to make a claim for medical negligence against Rochford Medical Practice and won their case. Megan was subsequently awarded £5,500 in compensation.

Is that all?

She added: “We decided we would make a claim because we felt it was important to show how vital it is that nurses listen to their patients.”

Unless the nurse has to pay it directly out of her own pocket, the chances of that happening are vanishingly small.

Is Vehicular Jihad Coming To An End?

A man has been charged after a video showed two elderly women being rammed by a mobility scooter.

Aaron Ali, of Poplar Place, Thamesmead, has been charged with causing actual bodily harm to the two women who were waiting for a bus in Welling.

Couldn't get hold of a lorry?

While in custody on suspicion of ABH, Ali was also charged with possessing cannabis and criminal damage after he allegedly urinated in two police cells and damaged a laptop during questioning.

Ali, 40, will appear at Bromley Magistrates' Court tomorrow (June 20).

Oh, to be a fly on that wall!

Epitaph...

After the case, Connor’s mum Michelle Hitchman said: “The death of my son has caused much heartache and self-destruction, not just to myself but to everyone who knew him. Connor was a loveable rogue and a free spirit.

Oh oh!

“He was loving and caring and he would do anything for anyone. Our hearts will forever be broken and I will forever mourn the loss of my son.

“I wish for us to be alone in peace to grieve.”

Hmm, it seems comments have been left open. I wonder if th...

Ah!

The judge didn't quite put it like that, but he left everyone in no doubt that Ms Hitchman's recollection of her little angel might not quite match with reality:

Judge Gold QC said: “The background to this case amounts to problems between your friends and Connor’s. He and his group were assaulting other boys, recording it on their phones and posting it on social media. Had that behaviour been reported then it could have been dealt with and Connor could well be here today.”

I'm not so sure the outcome would have been that much better if he had.

If You Go Down In The Woods Today...

...you're sure of a big surprise. The chavshrines have been removed!

A woman and her family have been left distraught after tributes left on her late sister’s grave were cleared away.

'Tributes', eh? I can just imagine...

...the family were shocked to discover that decades worth of trinkets and memorabilia, even a hand-made fence around the perimeter of the plot, had been removed by site staff.

Decades worth. Decades!

Ms Goddard said: “If we, as many families do, remember our family member with decorations and memorabilia, then that is our choice. My parents paid for the plot, and now they are being told that they can’t grieve in the way they have for 20 years? I think that is so wrong.

“Some of the plots have been there for thirty or forty years, and I hate to think that an older person who can only visit their child’s grave once a year might go and discover all those personal items missing.”

So this came out of the blue, did it?

Councillor Andrew Moring, executive councillor of corporate and community support at Southend Council said: “Letters were sent to families with officially adopted memorials in November 2017, and notices have been displayed ever since by the memorabilia, so that anyone who hasn’t had official adopted memorials or left their contact details, could be made aware.

“Please be assured, we are not removing any plots. The greatest care has been taken since this work was began on 8th May 2018. We have started to remove all the informal memorabilia that has badly deteriorated and has not been visited for years.

"We took photos of all the sites and numbered them. We are carefully removing the items, boxing them up and are putting a photo on the box so they can be easily recognised. They will be stored for up to six months for collection by the parents.

“We appreciate that many families want to have memorials by their plots, and we offer a range of official adopted memorials, details of which are available at the cemetery office.

“The council is responsible for the area, but has been working closely with Essex Sands to find ways of creating a more pleasant and appropriate environment for the baby and child memorial area.”

Translation: "Enough is enough! Take your moldy teddy bears and ghastly plastic orchids home!"

Entitlement Wars!

A Blue Badge owner has accused Dartford Heath Retail Park of discrimination after...

Oh boy! *settles in with popcorn*

...the disabled parking spaces in its car park were repainted.

Eh? To a colour that upset the colourblind?

Helen Staniforth, 49, drove to Dunelm at the park on Monday afternoon to do some shopping.

When she arrived, she realised the disabled spaces, which are closer to the shop for easy access, had been changed to also cater for parents and children.

Ah! Now I see the problem.

"It's discrimination against disabled people," she told News Shopper.

The mother-of-three added: "I understand you do need spaces for mothers and babies because you need more space to take the car seat out."

But she said there was "no point" in having disabled bays at all if they were dual-use.

Yes, it's 'My needs are greater than yours!' again.

News Shopper contacted London Metric for an explanation as to why the bays had been changed.

A spokesman for the company said: "It is our intention to reinstate a minimum of two of the bays for disabled use only.

"Thereafter, we will monitor usage and feedback.

"We understand the importance of accessibility for all and apologise for parking problems that this has caused in the meantime."

There you go! I now eagerly await the mums with pushchairs registering their disapproval.

Aristocrats Aren't What They Used To Be....

A cousin of the Duchess of Cornwall has been fined £500 after admitting owning a dog that attacked four people.

Not a Staffie, you'll note...

Camilla Parker Bowles’s cousin shouted “get off my land” as the animal went for a 46-year-old jogger, her 58-year-old husband on a bike and the hikers, who were in their 70s.

He made “no attempt” to leash the animal – a breed engineered in 1955 for use in operations by Czech special forces.

Sounds like an expensive beast, and I thought the landed gentry were all really quite poor?

Edmonstone, 46 – the son of Sir Archibald Edmonstone, the 7th baronet of Duntreath Castle – appeared at Stirling Sheriff Court in cuffs, having been jailed for 21 months in February over £60,000 benefit frauds.

Oh!

Sheriff William Gilchrist fined Edmonstone but refused to ban him from keeping dogs in the future.

*rolls eyes*

Sundance, bought for £2000, was returned it to its breeder without a refund to Edmonstone.

Well, it did its job, so I guess no refund was forthcoming!

Did The 'Daily Mail' Photo Chap Get A New Job...?

...at a toy factory in China, maybe?

Odd Looking Cattle....

I guess the web editor isn't a country lad...?

Sunday Funnies...

No 1 shows the importance of PAT testing....

This Is What Happens When You Appease Lunatics

My hometown became a foodie paradise starting a decade or so ago, when I lived in California. At first it was beautiful. With each visit home, I noticed new food carts selling everything from Korean tacos and Thai-Hainanese chicken and rice to Texas-style pulled pork. Later came breweries, exotic doughnut shops and haute-hipster ice-cream parlors.

But these days politics is ruining the scene.

Just like everything else.

One of the first victims, Sally Krantz, in 2016 opened a bistro, Saffron Colonial, featuring historical recipes from the British Empire. Furious social-justice warriors accused her of racism and glorifying colonialism. Mobs gathered outside the establishment, and detractors swamped its Yelp page with negative reviews and insults. Suppliers boycotted her. Eventually Ms. Krantz gave in and changed the name to British Overseas Restaurant Corporation.

Never ever ever give in. It just emboldens them.

Blood was in the water. In the spring of 2017, Kali Wilgus and Liz Connelly were accused of “stealing” Mexican culture—by selling burritos from a truck. They received death threats and shut down their business and their social-media presence.

Wait, what? It's 'stealing culture' to cook foreign dishes? Has anyone told Delia and Jamie?

Then an anonymous Google spreadsheet began circulating warning about restaurants that served ethnic cuisine: “These white-owned businesses hamper the ability for POC”—people of color—“to run successful businesses of their own . . . by either consuming market share with their attempt at authenticity or by modifying foods to market to white palates.”

Ah, right, so before I buy some egg fried rice I've got to demand the owner's passport, to make sure they are authentically Chinese?

And woe betide him if he tries to offer me some chop suey!

Last month Lillian Green, an “equity director” at the state Education Department, entered Back to Eden, a vegan bakery, a few minutes after closing time. She recorded videos accusing the bakery of refusing to serve her because she was black. Using the hashtag #LivingWhileBlack, Ms. Green—a doctoral student at Lewis and Clark College—took to Facebook to demand that Back to Eden fire the clerks. The bakery obliged, issued a 3,400-word apology, and offered Ms. Green a job training the remaining employees in “racial inclusivity.”

Which is not so much appeasing the crocodile so it eats you last, but throwing yourself into the beast's jaws right away.

“In this situation it doesn’t really matter that the two staff members working are not themselves racist because the call they made to deny Lillian service caused her to feel like she had been discriminated against,” co-owner Joe Blomgren wrote in a now-deleted Facebook statement. “Sometimes impact outweighs intent and when that happens people do need to be held accountable.”

Here's a controversial idea: why not hold people like Lillian responsible, for a change? Why not explain to them that their take on a situation is wrong, and the employees were right, and if she doesn't like it, she can go elsewhere?

Last week the Backyard Social tavern hosted a “Reparations Happy Hour,” during which “Black, Brown, and Indigenous people” were each given $10 and a drink paid for by white donors—who were asked not to attend.

These people are cutting their own throats. And I'd sit back and laugh, were it not so potentially serious.

What Do You Have To Do To Be 'A Bad Mother' In This Country?

Gemma Procter, 23... had a history of heavy drinking from the age of 16 and smoked cannabis daily and took amphetamines every other day, a court heard. 

...

(Procter) had undergone an abortion and she became convinced God was speaking to her and started to display bizarre psychotic symptoms and attending the local Abundant Life religious centre.

On 21 October last year, she was at her high rise home, in Newcastle House, Barkerend, with Elliot, her mother Deborah Ashington, her eight-month-old daughter and two other girls aged eleven and six.

Prosecutor Kama Melly QC told Bradford Crown Court that Procter had only smoked one joint that day, but after dancing around the flat in a red dress, which exposed her body, she told her mum she felt 'free and at peace'.

And that's when she threw her 18 month toddler Elliot out of the sixth floor window. In front of the other children.

Simon Kealey QC, defending, said Procter had suffered a 'sudden deterioration' in her health which could not have been foreseen.

No, clearly the drinking, drug taking, loose morals and sudden religious psychosis were no clue at all...

Proctor wept in the dock during the proceedings which were disrupted from members of her family in a packed public gallery, prompting The Recorder of Bradford, Judge Jonathan Durham Hall QC to threaten them with contempt if they continued.

We aren't enlightened by the press as to what the commotion was all about. Presumably they were upset that she wasn't being awarded 'Mother Of The Year'.

Sentencing Procter to a hospital order, Judge Durham Hall told her paranoid schizophrenia had struck her like a volcanic eruption.

'The primary victim is Elliot, but the second victim is you,' he said.

'No one had the remotest premonition you would do what you did.

'I am absolutely satisfied that nobody, including yourself, had any concerns or pre-warning that you could or would do what you did.

'Your offending, I am satisfied, was due to this extreme illness. The harm is off the scale, but the culpability is not.

'Nobody thinks that you were ever a bad mother and you were never a bad mother to Elliot.'

I guess if she'd ever denied him ice cream, the social services would have acted. But she didn't, so was free to murder him instead.

I get the idea of compassion for mental illness, truly, I do. But this - this description of a drinking, drug taking benefit monkey as 'a good mother' - is so out of kilter it's obscene.

Foul Play

Ever thought the fight against dog fouling would be easier if there was some way to track each illegal turd?

No, I've often thought it would be easier if we were allowed to beat the dog owners to death, though...

Well, don’t worry yourself any longer, there’s now an app for that.

*raises eyebrows*

The app in question is Pooper Snooper, a project that claims to ‘empower people to tackle a messy problem’.

Dave Kilbey, CEO of Pooper Snooper, told Metro.co.uk that dog fouling is a ‘growing problem’, with issues to tackle the problem ‘coming and going to no lasting effect’.

‘Our app seeks to address the problem in a new way, by allowing people to easily and accurately record dog fouling data, along with bin locations, wherever they are,’ he said.

‘The data is instantly visible on a map in the app, revealing persistent problem areas where local authorities and communities can focus their attention.’

That's great! Now I can walk along staring at my phone to see where the-

*squelch*

Oh...

So when you see a turd on the street, press the ‘add poop’ button and you’ll get the chance to take a photo of said shit, confirm if it was in a doggy bag, and add any other notes if you so wish – colour, smell, shape etc.

From then on, anyone else with the app can look ahead at the area and be warned where to tread carefully.

Yup, can't see this going wrong at all.

With enough users, it could start a trend in shaming dog owners into picking up after their beloved pets.

Really? As 'nudge' tactics go, this looks like weak sauce to me.

Pooper Snooper also claims it could be a useful tool for local authorities to know where to send their environment officers, cutting down on needless poo-finding missions.

You think they don't already know, and avoid those areas?

Extended Adolescence....

Sgt Mark Dollard said: "Eghobamien failed to stop for police and avoided a serious rail collision by literally seconds. His driving was persistently dangerous, risking not only his life and the lives of his passengers, but other road users as well.

"He is lucky to be alive and will now be able to reflect on his actions and serve as a warning to others that failing to stop for police can have serious consequences."

'Can have....'

In this case though, not so much:

He was arrested and pleaded guilty to dangerous driving on Wednesday, May 30 and was sentenced to spend a year in a young offenders institution.

He was also disqualified from driving for two years and ordered to take an extended driving test.

A young offenders institution. He's twenty years old.

What Evidence Would Suit You, Then?

Essex coroner Caroline Beasley-Murray (Ed: Oh, hai!) recorded an open verdict at the inquest hearing at Chelmsford Coroner’s Court.

She said: “We really can’t be quite sure what was going on in his mind.

“Obviously he was troubled, there was a lot of things on the go and he was upset, but the evidence isn’t sufficient enough to record suicide.”

It was enough for the headline writer:

And it was enough for his chums:

He was a drummer with the band Counties which has organised a memorial show for male suicide awareness charity CALM on July 28 at Chinnerys in Southend.

So why wasn't it enough for you?

I Can Feel Another 'But...' Coming....

Sentencing Harbour at Basildon Crown Court, Judge Ian Graham said: “There are factors in this case that place it in the highest category.

“This was a very serious offence as you can see that one of your co-accused was sent to prison for four and half years. On the face of it, this should be marked with a custodial sentence.

Here it comes, wait for it....

“You are in a different position. I accepted that you were not the instigator of this offence and that you may not have realised the seriousness of it.”

What? Of breaking in to someone's house and stealing their possessions?

“You have no previous convictions and are of previous good character.”

Translation: Never been caught before.

He was given a community order which requires him to complete 150 hours of unpaid work. He must pay £800 in prosecution costs and £140 surcharge.

Good luck seeing a penny of that.

Yes, Indeed You Will....

Mr Gordon told the court the defendant was apologetic, saying: "I'll really have to get rid of that f***ing dog now."

You should have been forced to do so long before, if only our justice system used its teeth as well as your mutt...

Mr Harper - who had entered a guilty plea at Bristol Magistrates' Court - was handed a four-month prison sentence suspended for 18 months and 60 hours of unpaid work. He must also adhere to a three-month curfew and remain inside between 6pm and 2am.

Is that all?

Sadly the fate of Archie was much more grave, as he was put down following the attack.

What the hell is 'sad' about that?

Defending Mr Harper, Clare Fear said: "Following the last conviction changes were made. They have failed but he did make those attempts. He put up [beware of the dog] signs, he tried to fix the gate.

"The muzzle affected the dog's breathing so he didn't take it out much, especially in the summer months.

She added: "Archie the dog has been put down, which has caused the defendant some degree of distress in itself."

Not as much as the hairline fracture, chipped bone in his forearm, puncture wounds and bruising caused the real victim...

Judge Patrick did not go to the length of banning Mr Harper from owning a dog, adding: "I am quite satisfied that you will not offend again."

Why? On what possible basis do you assume this?

He's already done it more than once, and why won't he just go out and buy another four legged weapon?

"Can You Describe The Offending Image, PC Jackson?"

"It was like a penis, chairwoman. But smaller."

The hearing was told the Humberside Police officer was seen laughing in amusement after receiving a snap of a detective constable's penis.

She had shown the explicit image on her mobile phone to several officers at Goole Police Station, East Yorkshire, despite being told by a senior officer not to.

So she can't obey orders? Great!

...later she had told colleagues she felt embarrassed and upset at receiving the 'unwarranted picture', a misconduct hearing at Goole Magistrates' Court heard.

So she's a liar? Great!

...Jackson was found to have caused upset and distress to a number of colleagues by showing an explicit image to fellow officers on September 23, 2016.

So these hardened coppers faint at the sight of a willy? Great!

It was found her behaviour was deemed as misconduct after 'ignoring advice given to her by a senior officer,' Ms Cieciora told the hearing.

It breached the Standards of Professional Behaviour in respect of Authority, Respect and Courtesy, Duties and Responsibilities and Honesty and Integrity contrary to Police (Conduct) Regulations 2012.

Did this daft bint learn anything, other than she's untouchable?

Upon leaving the hearing, Jackson, who wore a sand-coloured top and purple-coloured hair tied back in a bun, said: 'No comment.'

Ah. Yes. From the crims. And we wonder why modern policing is circling the drain?

If They Gave An Award For Crass, Self-Absorbed Statements In Newspaper Articles...

...then I think this one would win hands down:

Reece’s dad, Steve Clarke, has spoken of his horror when he heard Reece was involved in this second crash.

For several heart-stopping minutes, Mr Clarke, 55, of Thorpe Hall Close, believed his son had been injured in another shocking accident. He said: “One of Reece’s carers called me and said Reece had had an accident.

“I was round the corner so I dashed down there thinking all the time about what might have happened to him.

“I got there before the ambulance and the police and could see someone had been run over.

“I thought it was Reece.

“I was so relieved to find him still sitting in the car.”

 Pity about the 100 year old grandmother who'd been mowed down, but hey, your son's ok!

“The carer driving the car was from an agency. She’d been with us five or six times so she was used to the car. It was just a terrible accident.”

Well, no. It was careless driving:

Judge Ian Graham, sentencing, said Lyons “didn’t park in a proper parking bay” and left the vehicle’s engine on, in gear and in automatic mode with the handbrake on as she left the vehicle to check the petrol cap.

He said whether it was by a “pure accident or whether you touched the wrong pedal by mistake”, her foot touched the accelerator as she got back into the van and the handbrake was overridden.

“You didn’t act properly in stopping the vehicle, in finding the brake, and I expect you panicked,” he said.

What did she get? Suspended sentence. Of course.

No, I Think You Got The Wrong 'Victim' There...

Zureiqi's defence lawyer, Chiddy Umez said: "This is a bizarre case in that the victim is also the defendant.

"The prosecution has tried turning on the victim even though she is the only one who can say what she experienced.

"The law is to stop dogs biting people - it is not an offence for dogs to fight each other.

"No witnesses said they saw Jack cause injury to a person."

So, what actually happened?

Zureiqi, who lives in East Brabourne, Kent, denied but was convicted of being out of control of the dog at Canterbury Magistrates' Court on Tuesday.

She was fined and ordered to keep the animal muzzled if she wanted to save it from destruction.

Hmmm, guess Chiddy's pleas didn't move the magistrates much. I wonder why?

Zureiqi had just finished walking Jack and her Great Dane Angelina when they met another dog called Oscar in a park near her home, in November 2016.

Holding her pets on a lead, she was then dragged along the ground as Jack rushed forward and grabbed hold of Oscar's ear.

So two large powerful animals she couldn't control, and which were the aggressors?

The 45-year-old told the court: "We had finished the walk and I put the dogs on the lead and made them sit.

"I was cleaning mud off my shoe when suddenly I was pulled by Angelina - Jack had to move as well because they were on one lead."

'Your honour, it wasn't the defendant's large powerful dog that caused the incident. It was the defendant's other large powerful dog!' Really..? That's what you're going with, eh?

"I was being dragged along - I tensed up to make myself heavier and harder to pull.

"Numerous times I tried to prevent the encounter - I shouted to the other dog walker about five times as I was on the ground."

What's the point in shouting at the other walker? It's your animals that are the problem!

Prosecutor Alban Brahimi said Zureiqi was trying to place all of the blame on her Great Dane rather than Jack. He said: "Five times you shouted 'run' to the other dog walker and let strangers put rope around Jack's head to choke him, allowed him to be smacked and have water thrown over him.

"In this case, the dog was so dangerous and out of control it has caused its own owner injury."

Good. Makes a bloody change.

Magistrates ordered Zureiqi pay a £770 fine and set a contingent destruction order where Jack must be muzzled and kept on a lead while in public otherwise he will be put down.

It was already on a lead. The issue is that it doesn't matter, she can't control it even on a lead. Why suffer an untrainable animal to live?

You Will Never Be As Woke As Vicky Pickering...

Vicky Pickering, practice manager at Hollins Grove Surgery in Darwen, is fasting for the entire month of Ramadan in solidarity with her patients.

Vicky said: “I decided to fast as we have a new Muslim GP and a large number of new patients from the Muslim community and I thought I would do it to see how they feel and out of respect for them.”

Did you ever do anything for Lent, Vicky?

“Dr Zaki Patel took over this surgery in January after the last GP retired.

“Since Dr Zaki arrived, many of his patients followed him.

“Up until January we only had a handful of patients from the BME community. Now we have about 300.”

She added: “I don’t want to be sat here eating and drinking in front of them.

“I want to know why they fast and how they do it. I want to learn about it all through fasting.”

I'm reminded once more of that classic exchange between Dustin and Laurence...

“On the first day of Ramadan when I broke my fast, I texted Dr Zaki to say how grateful I was to be able to turn on a tap of water and how important it is to realise that not everyone has access to this.

“Mentally I am in a different place when I am fasting. I am prepared for it and I feel so positive about it.”

You won't when you read the comments to th....

Oh.

That's handy for you, eh?

The Anguish Of A Beta Male....

He was reluctant to tell authorities what had happened as he felt a sense of guilt about the attack, he said.

He wrote: "I told no one, least of all the police. Not my family or friends. Not work colleagues. I felt shame. I felt I may have been in some way responsible for what happened. Did I goad the little b******s with my video recording?

No, they correctly surmised that you were no threat, that you were prey.

That no-one would assist you, because the citizens of London have been cowed into thinking like you, by people like you, that these feral street scum are 'deprived' and 'require understanding'.

"As time went on I was increasingly embarrassed I hadn't reported the crime. 

"On the bus that night, a woman who came to my aid urged me to report it to try to stop other people being assaulted. That was the most compelling argument for me, but still I resisted.

"For weeks, every time the local paper reported an assault, I believed that I had contributed to it. More shame."

Is it any wonder we have a crime problem, when this is the reaction to becoming a victim of it?

There's Just No Work Ethic Anymore....

Lazy sod!

'Mail' Webpage Designer - Up A [blank] Without A [blank]...

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

It seems New Zealand has the best ad agency in the world....

Yeah, We All Know What's Coming....

Passing sentence Judge Andrew Easteal told all four defendants "it is bad enough to warrant you all going to prison."

...it's a great big 'But...!', isn't it?

But the judge said he would not impose immediate jail sentences because of the age of the case...

Because it happened so long ago - it was in 2015. Not thirty years! And why doesn't that apply to historical abuse cases, I wonder?

...and the fact there had been no new offences.

This makes no sense, either. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence anywhere else!

Barry Darling, who had 34 previous convictions for 67 offences, Petrie-Harrison and Jackson were each sentenced to 16 months imprisonment suspended for 18 months.

Bridget Darling was sentenced to 12 months suspended for 18 months after it was accepted that she played a lesser role.

This crime was appalling. The criminals were abhorrent in their actions.

Lincolnshire Police confirmed only one of the dogs has been recovered after it was found on the side of a motorway near Leeds in April 2017.

It is believed to have been thrown from a moving vehicle, but is now safe and well and has been returned to its original owner.

And yet the legal system cannot effectively punish the perpetrators. Is it any wonder that increasingly, people take the law into their own hands?

Sounds Like The Children Of Llandudno Had A Lucky Escape...

At Llanndudno magistrates court today, Bowzer’s owner James Prince appeared before magistrates and was banned from keeping dogs for five years.

Prince and his dad had been with their dogs at some distance from Ms Cloner ad Mr Anderson, and the dogs were not on leads.

The court heard from district judge Gwyn Jones that Bowzer, who was rescued from Romania and had burns on his legs and had suffered broken ribs in the past, was out of control and the dog would have been a threat.

What the hell is the point of these foreign dog rescues? Don't we have enough abused mutts in this country for these people to fawn over?

“Those tendencies would still be there,” the judge told Prince, who the court heard loved dogs, helped at a rescue centre and took dogs into local schools to meet children.

 Seems that he loved dogs, all right. People, though, that was another matter.

Prosecutor James Neary told the court that Prince, 26, was heard to say: “You should not have tried to pick the dog up. That’s what we do when we are baiting.”

But under police interview Prince, of Coast Road in Rhyl , had denied ever saying anything about baiting and suggested Ms Cloner might have tripped over her lead.

*rolls eyes*

His defence solicitor Deborah Davies said: “He accepts that all dogs should be kept on leads in public places and he is devastated by what went on.”

Mr Anderson had challenged Prince over what happened, and Prince pushed him in the chest, causing him to stumble.

Should have been charged with assault.

Bowzer had to be put down.

I feel Clarkson's Law should have gone into effect here.

They Usually Don't Have Any Realistic Alternative, Do They?

Bedfordshire Deputy Chief Constable Garry Forsyth said that while he respected the jury's verdict, "people should think very carefully before taking any action themselves".

Well, when your police farce constantly send out signals that they can't rely on you, what are they to do?

The trial at Luton Crown Court had heard that after a burglary at their garage, the Baldwins went out to look for those responsible - whom they believed to be Irish travellers.

The pair came across a white van containing two police officers who had been on their way to investigate the break-in but were told to "stand down" following reports that Richard had a shotgun.

Wait, the police now won't attend to look bored and take a statement for the insurance because the victims might be armed?

Asked by BBC Three Counties Radio whether he would do it again, Richard said: "No, because hopefully this has made the police realise more has got to be done and they've got to take things seriously.

"I think it may have opened their eyes a little bit and they can see that local businesses and people need help."

It's hard not to see this as what it appears to be - a classic case of jury nullification. And another sign that the public trust in the police is being eroded to the point of invisibility.

A message that the Chief Con would do well to heed.

Mr Forsyth said he did not "underestimate how traumatic exposure to repeated criminality can be on victims of crime" and the police do "everything we can" to respond appropriately to reports of criminality.

Really? Is your idea of 'proportionality' to have one of your officers sneer at a victim of crime and demand they use only PC language when describing the perps?

Mr Baldwin made a number of calls to police regarding harassment of his family from the travelling community, but he claims they were ignored.

An officer also told him not to use racially offensive terms when referring to travellers.

No, Chief Con Forsyth has read these tea leaves, and he doesn't like what they portend, though he tries to kid himself otherwise:

He added: "Police officers and staff put their lives on the line every day in order to protect the public.

"Had this incident resulted in the death of one of our officers, or a member of the public, I do not believe the jury would have chosen to interpret the reasonableness and proportionality in such a way."

You can believe that. You may even be right. But you also may be very very wrong. Do you want to take that risk?

Not that you'll be taking it, from behind your desk. It'll be your officers on the street that will be the eventual losers. 

The Folly Of Inclusion

A 'severely autistic' nine-year-old was able to escape his primary school and run home by crawling under a gate, his 'furious' parents have claimed.

It's a school, not a jail.

His parents were left so angry they pulled both their children from the school immediately, saying they no longer felt they were safe.

But presumably only one is autistic?

They also said they had highlighted the potential problem with the gate only last week when Jack made an attempt to get out that way but their concerns were ignored.

What was the school supposed to do, post a guard? The child supposedly has a 'one to one' assistant. What were they doing?

He added that episodes where Jack tries to escape happen more than once a week, and can be dangerous as his autism means he is very trusting of strangers and can "freak out" and desperately try to get away from something he's scared of, such as loud noises, putting himself at risk.

It's looking like this kid doesn't belong in a mainstream school. But that's not going to be accepted. Inclusion is the way, and no-one should demand otherwise!

She said that Jack was diagnosed with severe autism in April last year and ADHD around Christmas but has stayed in mainstream schooling.

However, his parents will now be looking to get him in to a specialised school and his six-year-old sister, Megan-Jayne, a place somewhere else.

It should have been the place that was first choice. But it cannot be, thanks to the campaigners that insist that mainstream schooling is best for these children.

I Don't Think That's How It's Supposed To Work, Love...

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to dump it somewhere else...

At a hearing on May 22 at Croydon Magistrates’ Court, Pascaline Djiemegwo, 32, of Princess Road in Selhurst, was ordered to pay £834 for littering a blue bag of household waste onto a public footpath in the road she lived on.

/facepalm

At a hearing at the same court seven days prior, Lovia Bonsu, of Brigstock Road in Thornton Heath, was ordered to pay a total of £400 for littering two black sacks and cardboard boxes in Raymead Passage.

That is at least a street off the one she lives in, so she clearly has a bit more native cunning.

"These guys did this thinking they could get away with it. They did not care about the consequences."

To which you can only answer: "What consequences?"

'This is a big bit of equipment and they rode away on bicycles in a busy area covered with CCTV cameras. It's just brazen and they do it because they know they can get away with it.

'We are going to be pretty reluctant to film things outside again and given the time difference we often have to film at night.

'If you are not safe in Exmouth Market with loads of people around and CCTV everywhere, where are you safe?'

I wonder if the segment on Grenfell Tower they were filming was going to be all about how 'deprived' the area was...?

Mr Cannon, who lives in Islington and has been in the UK for two years, said 'there was never a choice' between giving up the camera or fighting back.

He added: 'There is chaos around here at the moment with all the moped attacks; there's crimes every day. I always thought it would be a case of "when and not if".

'I've called 999 three times since I moved here; I've seen a gang armed with baseball bats and a couple of Deliveroo drivers robbed; I was not shocked it happened.'

So far, no surprises. No surprises at all.

Mr Cannon described the muggers as in their late 20s/early 30s, well built and Caucasian with London accents.

Oh!

Crimewave!

Is it me, or does that sentence make little sense?

Carrots are one of the cheapest vegetables by weight, which has led to suspicions that supermarket customers are abusing electronic checkouts in a shoplifting scam.

Emmeline Taylor, a senior lecturer in criminology at City, University of London, said people switch labels or deliberately input the wrong item to pay less for produce.

Heh! Well, serves the supermarkets right. They put these things in to save money.

"This behaviour is perceived as cheating the system or a way of 'gamifying' an otherwise mundane routine," she added.

It's just shoplifting, aided by technology.

Smart Enough To Be A Nurse...

...but not a mother:

Judge Owens said the woman was a qualified nurse, but had an 'extremely low range' of intellectual inability.

She ruled that the little boy should live with relatives, but said he would be able to stay in touch with his mother.

Think about that for a minute. And then think about this:

It is believed the child was already dead before he was decapitated during the bungled 15 minute delivery.

At the Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service in Manchester, consultant Laxman - who qualified in Chennai, India - denied wrongdoing.

Today the service said there was no impairment of Dr Laxman's fitness to practise and cleared her to return to work at another hospital.

And think about both those cases the next time someone's taking out an onion for 'our hardworking and dedicated medical staff'.

Well, Make Up Your Minds!

Which is it? 'Gentle giant' or violent aggressive drunk?

Yesterday afternoon the inquest heard from Mr Kentish's fiancee, Kerry Jay, who said she had spoken to him several times on the phone during that fateful day.

He had called her about the meal he was preparing for his dad, then about holiday plans they were making, and later to say he was annoyed with his father for something he had said, said Ms Jay. At about 10.30pm that night, she said, he called her and said he intended to drive home instead of spending the night at his father's as planned.

"I told him not to," she said. "He did sound quite drunk. He was still feeling angry about what his dad had said.

"I told him to turn round and go back because his parents would wonder where he was.

"The phone went off. I was a bit worried because he had sounded frustrated and angry and annoyed about the comments his father had made earlier."

We never find out what the father said. Pity.

At the time of Mr Kentish's death he was described as 'beloved fiancé of Kerry, devoted father of Jodie, Stuart, Vincent, Jesse, Macy and Deede, much loved son of Anne and brother of Julie and Michael'.

No mention of dear old dad...? Lovely family...

He also insulted two women, calling them 'boring lesbians' when they refused to let him buy them a drink, the Gloucester inquest was told.During his time in the New Inn at Shortstanding his behaviour was 'unpredictable' and people sighed with relief when he left, jurors heard.

He had coronary artery disease and was obese, weighing nearly 17.5 stones, the inquest was told.

It should really be a verdict of 'death by stupidity and lack of self-control', shouldn't it? But you won't be surprised to find it wasn't:

A "failure of care" led to the death of plastering contractor Mark Kentish when he was tackled and restrained by a security guard and caretaker at a Wye Valley business park two years ago, an inquest jury concluded today.

Jurors said the restraint used by the two park staff was 'inappropriate in both method and duration'.

I wonder how much restraint would be deemed inappropriate if  this 'gentle giant' was harassing a member of the jury or trying to tear down their garden fence while shouting obscenities?

After receiving the jury's conclusion, the assistant Gloucestershire Coroner Caroline Saunders made recommendations under Section 28 of the Coroners Regulations in a bid to prevent a similar tragedy happening in future.

She said she would write to the SIA (Security Industry Authority) to ask why there is no programme of refresher training or education as to the risks of restraint and positional asphyxia.

Maybe there should instead be a programme of refresher training for violent obese drug-taking drunks on the danger of being killed if they start throwing their weight around?

Funny Sort Of 'Robbery'...

The victim’s father has also criticised the lack of response from Essex Police, who informed his son that they were not able to attend immediately after the incident but that an officer would be in touch the following day.

Maybe. If they remember. It's just a knifepoint mugging, no biggie. Just part and parcel of living in a diverse city.

A spokesperson from Essex Police said: “Officers are investigating after a man was robbed in Churchill Gardens, Southend.

“The man has been described as black, had a beard, and wore a red puffed jacket with dark-coloured jogging bottoms.

“We are appealing for any witnesses to call 101 and ask for Southend CID with reference number 1314 of 12/05.

“Alternatively, you can contact the Crimestoppers charity on 0800 555 111 or use the online form at Crimestoppers-uk.org.”

The online form is probably guaranteed to get as fast a response, isn't it?

But what was stolen, anyway?

The teenager was grabbed from behind by the throat and threatened, before being forced to hand over his driving licence, money, bus pass and phone, which the attacker then shattered by stamping on.

Hmmm. Not the latest model? Even the muggers are discerning these days.

Or is there another explanation..?

"We can't go on together, with suspicious minds..."

Death Wish...

Residents, councillors and the local MP have all come out to complain about the safety of the “crossing of death” in Charlton after a cyclist died at the roundabout.

Well, good lord, didn't the name give him a clue? Mind you, it's a bit on the nose for the council to call it th...

What?

The junction - dubbed by locals as the 'Crossing of Death' - is near to Millennium Retail Park and where the new Ikea is set to open.

Oh.

Hey, if it's so deadly, maybe not opening yet more shops to lure the Lycra-clad into the trap might help?

Paul Ready cycles through that area frequently and told News Shopper his fears for his life if he goes that way, taking videos of his experience. He said: “Most of the time it is a terrifying experience and in the last 15 years has only got worse.

“After being hit by a car I frequently cycle an extra three miles around the dome to avoid the feeling that one day I will die there.”

So you increase your journey time rather than finding less potentially lethal transport? Do they make the kit so tight it cuts off the blood supply to the brain?

Matthew Pennycook, MP for Greenwich and Woolwich, tweeted about the accident and asked London Mayor Sadiq Khan to help with the problem.

Sure, he'll get right on that when he's sorted out the acid attacks & stabbings.

Synchronicity...

Ipswich:

It is believed that Mr Aitkens may have spent time in hospital after being stabbed in an earlier attack several months ago.

One local resident who asked not to be named said: 'He was stabbed once and it looks like they came back to finish the job.'

London:

Friends say he got into the wrong crowd and was also stabbed last year, allegedly by the same attackers who gunned him down.

Seems both had lifestyles that ensured someone intended they kept that appointment in Samarrah. The only thing missing in this second one is there's no pics of him flashing gang signs....

Yet.

Oh, Yeah! Well Done, Morrisons!

This is definitely my kind of gardening!

The Good Old 'Grauniad' Shows Us How It's Done...

*sighs*