life and the run

this is not a post valentine's day post but... hehehehe, humahaba ang hair koh!

anyway...

barely a week left before the century run and i have not yet trained. my ankle is still giving me problems and to make matters, well, a bit more complicated, even the good ankle is starting to show signs of wear. the heel on both feet feel like they're completely deflated. i have resorted to wearing heel cushions even on normal days to relax them. my calves feel now like stone. sigh...

been reading this inspirational book by BART YASSO on running and how it changed his life. i brought the book with me to read on my commute to dagupan the other day and almost found myself tearing up with some of the things he wrote and discovered during his many runs. he said in marathoning, it's really not about the race, but it's the journey. he said so many people get obsessed with time and pace and pushing their limits, almost to the point of madness, that they often forget to acknowledge that in the end, what's really of value is how far you have reached, how far you have gone to get to this point. i related so much to that.

i think other than the physical benefits running has given me, more over, it offered me a lot of insight about life in general. often i would find myself talking with narnian and relate something about life to running. it's not really being over-dramatic, but i guess, when your mind is so focused on something, which is the case when you run, your mind becomes clear and things start to make sense. now, don't get me wrong. i'm no where NEAR of being an Olympic runner, heck, i had fernando zobel overtake me and had me eat his billion dollar dust during the last condura run, but the focus i think, is the same. i offer the same dedication, according to my measure, to the game.

* * * * *

the handover at work is almost complete. my uncle decided, now nearing his 50's, to transplant his entire household to canada, despite living a very comfortable life here. i can't really make a lot of sense to his rather risky move, but, his life, his decision. i have been working in the family business now for almost a year (i started march last year) and am slowly finding my groove. it has taken a while to slowly let go of a dream and embrace a new, more practical one, but it's happening. the other day, my aunt, who runs the business, told me while she was remarking on my uncle packing up and leaving, that now, since we were down 1 man, i can no longer resign. that was when things finally sunk in. i am now trying to make peace with my path.

upon my visit to my client in dagupan, he was showing me his house and talking to me about building a boutique hotel off the coast of pangasinan. he liked my work and was dreaming up of other things for the future. they all sounded very nice, but then, i always get things like this, nice, tempting projects, every time i reach a crossroad in my life. kuya once told me, life throws you distractions whenever you make a decision. they come to test your ground.

* * * * *

there is always that urge to stop running, most especially when you are already hurting all over and stopping is the most logical thing to do. as you get overtaken by more able-bodied men and women, clearly more fit and more suited in running than you, then the urge becomes even more powerful. why do you run? are you built to last this long? maybe you have ran enough? maybe this isn't for you? there is always an easier way. as you slow down to a jog, then to a trot, then to walking, you count to yourself 10 seconds. ten seconds for your brain to process, for your adrenaline to kick in, for your endorphins to start pumping, for you to realize, you have what it takes to finish. 10 seconds to remember you chose to run, and run to finish. not by a long shot to be the first or the best, but to finish, because you can and you worked hard so that you can. in the end, as you count your last second, you skip a step, slap your fatigued muscles and whisper to yourself, just a few kilometers more.... and you begin running again, the pain now a companion.

highlights

dear blog,

sorry for the neglect. you must feel absolutely livid with me right now for totally ignoring you this long. despite the many things that have been happening since my last entry, i am afraid i just could not find the time, nor the energy to write. work as you may well know (or not, since i really don't write about it) has practically taken up my days and since it's a family business, duties extend way beyond your standard (and humane) 9-5 hours. my social life is obviously suffering due to this shift in my routine but like a mantra we have in the business, everything comes with a price (even with discounts, the price is still high). i still have vestiges in my day to enjoy non-work related activities, or so i call them, like go the the hardware store and buy locks and tiles for my OTHER job, or enjoy a cup of java at 1am on a weekday while battling sleep and trying to have some QT with my folks. but i really shouldn't complain. work is only just work, and family will always be a bit more lenient than the typical slave-driving boss. i really shouldn't ask for more... SO. to appease you for my very unforgivable absence, dearest blog, allow me to give you a synopsis of the highlight of my days.

* * * * *

i was able to watch ANGELS & DEMONS last tuesday, miraculously considering how late i leave the office, at trinoma with the cousins. had a sinful dinner comprising of spinach and cheese penne with uber deadly granny smith apples and cream courtesy of my gourmand aunt before rushing to the mall to hopefully catch the second to the last screening. we arrived 15mins before the show. fell in line at probably the slowest ticket queue ever (i'm not exaggerating, it was ridiculously slow) and got to our seats just before they finished showing the trailers. the theater was packed despite it being a weekday. it was supposed to be a stress-free evening, enjoying a good movie; savoring still a good meal; in the company of cool family. stress free... that was, until the entire row behind us suddenly decided it was their God-given duty to give a point by point commentary on the movie, as the plot unfolds. NOT ONLY DID THEY COMMENT LOUDLY WITHOUT EVEN BOTHERING TO APPRECIATE THE VALUE OF THE WHISPER (which, in a movie house, i still would never encourage), THEY ALSO DECIDED IT BE THE PERFECT TIME TO GOSSIP AMONGST THEMSELVES WHEN A MEMBER OF THEIR "HERD" GOT THEIR ORDER FROM THE FOOD KIOSK WRONG AND WAS THREATENING TO "SUE" THEM FOR THE INCONVINIENCE THE CAUSED. i swear, sharp looks and "shush-es" could not quench their disrespect. a bazooka maybe, too bad i left mine in my other bag! these people had hides thick as the great wall of china and the conduct of nicaraguan howler monkeys... um, maybe not. i really shouldn't be so mean.... the howler monkeys don't deserve it. UGH!

* * * * *

notice currently that some young boys (and men who think that they're boys for that matter), in lieu probably of the latest hip hop craze that i really never bother myself with, wear these uber designed baseball caps and have them "float" on top of their heads. i mean float, since they don't really wear the caps, just have the lightly rest on top of their heads as if they have something large hidden underneath. this new manner of dress give these fellows an extra umph to the heights of their craniums, probably paying homage to the classy pouf madame marcos made vogue before, or even marie antoinette before that. anyways, though i really shouldn't comment on other people's fashion (or lack of it) sense, i have to draw the line if said sense becomes the major cause of me not enjoying my stress-free night. as if the row of turkeys sitting behind wasn't enough, we had to also contend with this moron who sat in front of us and his utterly inconsiderate cap. dude.... it's PITCH BLACK, no one will take notice if you have a bad hair day, or even if you have any hair to begin with since its, well.. its PITCH BLACK! also, the theater is the last place for one to try to look fashionable, unless it's a premier and if you're a celeb worth people's attention. now, since we are NOT at a premier and you are NOT a celeb, and that no one will give a rat's smelly ass that you are trying (desperately) to look cool since the theater is PITCH BLACK, explain to me why instead of robert langdon zipping in and out of rome, all i see is this mountain of a pain in the form of your cap in front of me? besides the fact that you are a moron?

explain here ..........................................................................................!!!!!!!!!!

* * * * *

we had a last supper of some sorts for my cousin, who is now back in the land of maple leaves, last wednesday at the cafe at ACE WATER SPA here along del monte. the food was so-so but the facilities of the place, after giving it a brief scan, i have to say is pretty impressive. the water spa of a european concept and according to my friend, is similar to this facility in bali wherein to go along a series of pools where jets of water massages you and practically, wash all your worries away. i wasn't able to try it out yet since i didn't have my swimming gear with me (you have to be in skin tight trunks, no shorts and shirt for the more discreet here) but i definitely wouldn't mind giving it a try in the future. most especially after that trinoma experience....

* * * * *

due to my utterly stubborn sheer shin, i am afraid i have to hang my running shoes for now and put my dreams of running a full marathon on hold. i have been suffering this sharp ache on my tibia for almost 2 months now and have done almost everything i know to get rid of it, from resting; taking anti-inflam meds; deep tissue massaging; even buying a new pair of shoes. unfortunately, like it's owner, it too doesn't know when to quit. so with the risks of suffering more serious injury if i choose to ignore the pain, i go on a marathon hiatus. my heart breaks when i see people run and my limbs now bear withdrawal symptoms of running long distances, but such is life. it was fun when it lasted.

* * * * *

since i now have no sport to challenge my endurance, i'm deciding to resurrect an old fascination of mine again, kickboxing. i had my first session of yaw-yan, or filipino kickboxing, last night at sarreal boxing gym here along banaue and almost died from my trainer. he was this short, lean, cut little bugger with the stamina of a bull! despite the fact that i couldn't understand him most of the time (he's a bit poor in giving uncoordinated people, like me, instructions) he was still able to have me do everything he wanted to knock the holy wind out of my lungs, that and probably half my weight in water since i was dripping wet by the end of our 2 hour, one-on-one session. did i mention this was my FIRST SESSION?!!! needless to say, i really did enjoy the workout. sure i was exhausted near to delirium, sure i was bruised and scratched and blistered from all that punching and kicking, sure i was wondering how i could get myself down 4 flights of stairs, sure i was apprehensive if i could manage to drive myself home, but the adrenaline and endorphin rush i was in was all worth it. can't wait to go back!

so there you have it, blog. the few highlights of my days. the same ones i have not had the time to document since, like what i should be doing now as i write, i should be working.

really.... i should.


lovingly yours,

jamie, the polar bear

today at work

i saw mr. perfect come in through the door. i have been used to seeing him now since he is a regular at the office. he shuttles himself back and forth, almost everyday from lucena to pick up supplies his store orders from us. i never really understood why he does this personally since our company offers delivery services, but he does. this just maybe is a perk he enjoys, driving long distances and running "errands for work" in places very far from home. he is considered a major customer since the goods he orders from us, in a month, can total to a lot... enough i have to say to make me swallow and be extra careful in doing the books when it comes to his account. since he is also a major customer, it's not really a surprise that my folks attend to him personally. his arrival today was no different.

it was around lunch time when he came. all the workers were now on lunch break as i could hear the pantry aloud with sounds of people chatting and flatware clanging. i was still sitting at my desk tallying the previous day's sales when my uncle came in from the warehouse, wearing his usual smile. he asked if i could join him inside to attend to mr. perfect since he was here to collect the goods he had ordered. not wanting to keep my uncle or this very important customer waiting, i carefully set aside the invoices i was calculating and followed my uncle into the store.

the noon time heat had made the temperature inside the warehouse almost unbearable. it was hot and the air was thick with humidity. you could throw boxes about and it would not disturb the dust that had accumulated inside due to the highly saturated air, heavy with moisture. my uncle, in mid chit-chat with mr. perfect and mid checking the list of items he had ordered asked me to seal up the boxes and load them into mr. perfect's car. i look around the floor and saw the boxes he was referring too. they were mid-sized, almost the size of a minibar ref and were still open. their contents were still strewn about the floor and still had to be packed into the boxes. my uncle asked that i hastefully move as the customer needed to leave soon.. so i did. i quickly picked up the remaining items on the floor and packed them in to their awaiting crates, sealing them up after for transport. all in all, there were 6 boxes and two bundles that were packed for pick-up. i found myself panting, woozy and dripping by the end of the task. the temperature nor the poor ventilation in the warehouse did little to comfort me. my uncle then asked me to fetch a kartilya, a cart, and load the boxes on and bring them to mr. perfects' car, which was parked outside in the street. i found the cart and loaded the boxes and followed mr. perfect to his vehicle. i wanted to stop for a bit to take my hanky out just to wipe my brow since sweat was already dripping into my eye, stinging it. but my hands were dirty from handling the boxes and i was also under time pressure. i forewent my little luxury of cleaning myself and just thought of doing it later instead. i passed the pantry pushing the cart as i went to his car and noticed that the noise emanating from within suddenly stopped as i passed. i went by the guard and he too acted strangely as i went down the ramp into the street, careful not to let go of the cart and its cargo. we finally reached mr. perfect's car and had his driver opened the back for us. i unloaded the boxes on to the street and was told that they can handle it from here. i then casually went back into the store with the cart and looked for my uncle to report.

by this time, my shirt was already tightly clinging onto me, drenched in sweat and my head, spinning from the noon time heat. the fatigue from the previous day's work was still upon me, and having missed breakfast and not having had lunch yet was taking it's tool. after confirming that all that i had needed to do was done, i slowly walked back to the office, washed up, wiped my brow and parked myself in front of the nearest fan i could find to dry.

in my efforts to rest and trying not to hyperventilate, i found myself asking.... why do i feel a slight tinge of embarrassment?

counted in

it has been a week now since i started my new job as my family's auditor. my aunt who is currently handling this post is readying herself and her family for migration to the land of homo-milk (homogenous milk... or as how kuya so wittily termed it, milk from a really confused cow!) and maple syrup and has been training me the past couple of days to become her replacement. though i can honestly say that i would have never in a million years think that i would EVER take on a job that entailed math, and lots of it, i have learned from past experiences to never say never too soon.

why i actually agreed to take on this job to become the designated accountant is still an enigma. i was never good in math, contrary to the chinese stereotype that we all should practically be walking calculators. i recall, in all my years in school, math like almost every other normal kid was my waterloo. bury me in literature and science and i would gladly take on the challenge but the moment you throw me an algebraic equation or a proving problem then watch me choke, gag, and eventually twitch myself to death! i was THAT bad... i was so bad... my parents, in their misguided thoughts of giving me an edge, sent me to take ADVANCED MATH classes at the SAKYA ACADEMY, this buddhist school near where we used to live notorious for their math subjects. they coudln't have done anything worse, neither could have they been any more wrong... they might as well have wrapped me in a bacon blanket and thrown me to the lions.

anyway, case in point, im BAD in math, and yet, here i am, pressing calculator buttons like a mad man, day in and day out, hoping to GOD almighty that i don't punch in the wrong figures since doing so could spell the difference between finding a lost cent to searching a missing million!!! the responsibilty of balancing the books weighs heavily on my shoulders daily and i really hope i have what it takes to last. well, just long enough that my folks don't disown me that is!

sometimes i really wonder what the hell do i get myself into...

taipan observations

wishing to finally shake off my long standing restlessness, i decided to do my "rounds" of my project sites. i have been having this underlying sense of anxiety for the past few days now, owing to the fact that my schedule has been rather quiet lately. i guess i have gotten used to zipping in and out of cities and meetings and weaving through traffic and all the chaos my job entails that peaceful, uneventful days, at home, leads me to fear for the worse! the calm before the storm as they say. thankfully however, the worse never happened. but that obviously did not keep me from stressing over the quiet still. experience has taught me that you should never let you guard down, most especially if your success relied on the hands of other people, in my case, my contractors. so yesterday, i decided to jump the "chaos gun" and make a quick visit to the site.... all the way in libis, a good two hour drive with moderate traffic from where i live :)

i met with the foreman who always looked more than happy to see me. he updated me of the status of the project while i relayed to him the newest instructions from my client. plans were finalized and new deadlines agreed upon. there were a few problems that arose but nothing too grave as to cause hell to boil over. in a hour, i was done... and had again the entire day to myself to be idle. i started to feel restless again.

i then decided to go to trinoma and pick up my cousin on the way. my client's first store was having their soft opening yesterday and i wanted to see how things were going. they franchised this frozen yogurt brand, RED MANGO, from korea and are hoping to make it the IT brand as far as fro-yoes are concerned in the philippines. my cousin was visiting from anaheim and had tasted RED MANGO there and loved it. so naturally she got all excited when i mentioned it was opening here and that we could go get free samples.

it was good to bond with my cousin. despite the large age gap between us (she is 22, and i am a dinosaur) i was surprised it wasn't that difficult to relate to her. i asked her about how things are doing in the states and she asked me about my work. she's currently attending "Bible school" (or what i affectionately call "spirit camp") at a training center in anaheim. naturally, her disposition was very positive, practically glowing if i may say so myself, this compared to my anxiety ridden, worldly and very gloomy demeanor. i then told her about my current project and about who my clients were. i told her that they were super young, 24 years old, and yet have already started stretching and flexing their entrepreneurial muscles. it also pays i guess if you are related to one of the most influential families in the country.

i was supposed to be having down time now, enjoying a stroll in the mall in the company of family. however, as i approached the RED MANGO kiosk, i suddenly realized the remains of my day might not work out as i had planned. my client, and her entire taipan family was on site and none of them seems to be smiling. o dear....

i excused myself from my cousin and approached my client with trepidation. she looked rather harassed, frazzled actually. taipan mom was zipping in and out, pointing at this and that while their staff tried to take note of every single detail being addressed. taipan dad looked serious, standing at the corner, in deep thought. my client's siblings were also running around fixing things. i made my presence know to my client and she, thankfully, greeted me with a brief smile. i later learned that all the frenzy i was experiencing was the entire family trying to make the opening PERFECT. it was an almost obsessive-compulsive display or ironing things out and polishing details that made me realize how serious these people are when it comes to business. no wonder they are taipans, i thought.

i arrived close to 3pm already and learned that none of them had had lunch yet. they took leave of me and went to grab a bite, all the while exchanging text messages with me to follow up on the status of certain things they needed to know about. before leaving though, they offered my cousin and i their prized yogurt, much to my cousin's delight (we later came back and got more servings with toppings now. we were drafted as hypothetical customers... and even had our pictures taken too! hehehehe)

the brood eventually came back after their break and immediately got back to work. i chose not the meddle too much in their activity since from the looks of things, they had everything under control. i also didn't want to be put on the spot since, it takes me a while to process information and impromptu decision making was never one of my strengths. my cousin and i just stayed in one of the empty seats and enjoyed our free yogurt. while seated there though, i could help but observed this family as i found them utterly interesting to watch.

the term tai-pan is a cantonese word that referred to the business leaders in hong kong back during the end of the opium war. loosely translated as "supreme leader", these were basically the movers and shakers of the territory and were composed of a very exclusive few. in the philippines, we know these taipans based on their family names or the corporations they represent. they hold vast amounts of power (and money) that dictate almost how we think, move, eat, work and live. though our government may seem to hold supreme authority over the country, it is these families, with their businesses, however who control an entire culture, our very life blood as a nation.

as i sat there watching my clients busy themselves, my cousin interrupted me with a remark. i guess she too was curious on how "gods" worked and said "your client looks so ordinary." for in fact, she was. actually, disregarding the three escorts they had with them, my client and her entire family could have looked like any other member of the malling crowd. people were passing by them, having no idea who they were brushing elbows with. there was no air about them, no flare, no sense of greater importance, no nothing actually. quite contrary to how you would expect people with so much influence to carry themselves in public. hell, i know of baranggay captains who are more flamboyant! but here you are with the "rightful keepers" of power and yet, they handle it as if they don't have any at all. all you actually see that can be described as anything out of the ordinary was how meticulous they were in their work. this i guess was what made them so interesting, to me that is. there was a focus to their energy and surprisingly, it was not about making money. i recall once when i was talking with the mom on our first meetings. i asked her how business is and how they plan to ride the wave with the looming crisis and what she said was like a motherly advice but heavy with business sense. she said, and i'm paraphrasing, that "business is ok. it's always risky to enter the market with a new product but you really have to learn to take gambles. we just have to get ourselves out there and make people know we're there. once people realize you have a good product, you protect it." i last spoke to her almost half a year ago and i still remember what she said. this was what was echoing in my head as i watched them move around, setting tables, moving modules, and trouble shooting little kinks. they were exercising the focus, determination and strategy of building a business. it was all about the product and getting it out there, like almost giving birth. the money, the prestige, the fame, the glory were all after shocks of creating and protecting a solid product. valuable lessons i learned, no wonder they were able to build the empire they have today.

a saturday to remember

beloved ling-ling, she did me well yesterday. her skills in planning and her excellent handling of my dilapidated revo had seen me finish all my errands before the sun even kissed the horizon. she was so efficient, i was able to squeeze in two more not previously planned tasks into my super tight schedule, and i still had time to spare for some shopping and a nap after.

the day started very early. kuya bolted into my room at 6am to pack for his flight to bacolod that morning. i usually dislike being disrupted like this as its puts my body out of sync, kuya unfortunately, is not really the type who can pack quietly. i eventually got up knowing all attempts to get more sleep was futile and started to prepare for my monstrous day.

saturday was a day for the books! i recall having had days like this before where i found myself crisscrossing the metro but today, by far, beats all those other days by LIGHT YEARS! i really thank God that the saturday traffic was in my favor since, apart from certain areas, my "flight" through my day's tasks went about pretty smoothly.

sparing everyone of my detailed itinerary, it simply went about like this.... though, i didn't feel all that simple.

1. drive from manila to drop off kuya at the airport.
2. drive from airport to retiro to pick up paints from boysen.
3. drive from retiro to eastwood to drop off paints and pick up glass tiles for cutting.
4. drive from eastwood to delmonte to glass supplier. draw out sketches for furniture while waiting for cutting.
5. drive to araneta to check on my construction site.
6. lunch at some japanese wannabee place since jolie-beh! was full!
7. drive to ortigas ave, to drop off drawings in client's house.
8. drive to eastwood to drop off cut glass tiles.
9. drive to meralco avenue to check on kuya's flat.
10. rest!

by 4pm, everything on my list was ticked and accomplished. ling-ling was brushing off stray hair off her linen blouse, trying to contain her satisfaction, looking as if asking "is that all? ppffft!"

****

i got an invite through text from mcvie a while back asking if i would like to attend his group's x'mas party. this was quite a surprise actually since i just met mcvie a week prior and here i was being invited already to a gathering. pardon me for thinking such but i never really considered my presence to serve any social impact, more so in someone else's barkada's party (unless if i was hired as the party clown, in which case, i'm sure they will never invite me again!). so to be asked if i would like to be amongst bloggers, some whose blogs i read on a daily basis was almost like getting a VIP backstage pass to a rock concert! i was so game, i was typing out my con-FEERMation as fast as my fat fingers could strike my minuscule phone's keypad.

the venue was at the linden suites in a room rented especially by one of the bloggers. after managing through the security points and the almost dizzying corridors of the hotel, i was finally able to get myself to the designated spot. i rang the door bell but no one was answering. the door was kept ajar though and basing from the sounds of madonna playing inside, i knew, at least that i was at the right place. soon enough, a couple more of the guests arrived and i followed them in.

this is my first blogger get-together and i certainly have to say, i had a blast! i have always enjoyed parties wherein the mood is light with no pretenses. everyone is just there to meet new people, see old faces, share good food and good laughs and just HANG! despite being a stranger to all of them, i felt warmly welcomed and it did not take me long to let myself relax and enjoy the evening as well (natas'ya was working it!) i soon found myself getting into conversations, introducing myself to people and asking about them, making side comments and basically, feeling familiar... without, hopefully, over stepping my boundaries in the process.

i got to meet people from different backgrounds and the authors of a lot of the blogs i read (and will now read). the experience of seeing the persons behind these sites was almost as close as being star struck! there were moments where i found myself saying "so you're (name of author) of (name of blog), OMG! i'm such a fan!" i actually had to tell mcvie at one point that i did not feel exceptionally worthy to be surrounded by authors of such caliber in the blogsphere. my wee little ranting vestibule of an online journal was a fart in the wind compared to the "legends". my brief spurt of humility was however quickly brushed aside as nonsense, a gesture that i truly appreciated, it having come from these blogging demigods!

as it got later in the night, the party started to wind down as well. we eventually found ourselves saying goodbye to new found friends, hoping that we would see (and should see) each other another time. i stayed behind until morning since i had no place to crash. me and those who were still there found ourselves deep in more stories from topics that ranged from politics to showbiz to ghosts to fitness. anything and everything that would catch out fancy, really.

the sun was staring to rise and i too had to leave since i had church in a few hours. i bid farewell to those who so warmly accommodated me and took me into their fold and thanked them for a great night. it definitely was a perfect way to end my day.

to all the people i met again! super super super thanks!!!