eyes wide shut

"kiss him", the familiar voice told me. it's tone, non- suggesting but more like demanding that i give in to the deed. i leaned in and did just that, feeling his tender lips rest against mine. i was standing a short distance away, taken aback by my seeming coolness to kiss what almost looked like a complete stranger, wondering to myself, how can i be so nonchalant, more so, who is this person telling me what to do? as i turned my gaze upon the owner of the commanding voice, i saw myself again, standing by myself lying in bed with another, a person who's face i now recognized. we were kissing, slowly undressing, giving in to carnal desires, all with careful attention to specific instructions from my directing voice. i was three separate consciousnesses, all sentient of what the other was thinking, doing, experiencing. i zoomed in to take a close-up shot, in the middle of my kiss, i could see the angle was perfect. as i turned away, not being able to bare the lewdness of the act, my hand reached down to him and i felt his soft skin burning against mine. "finish it now" i said again, our bodies now intertwined in a dance of violence and sheer lust, my expression, air-hungry and almost in complete disbelief.

i opened my eyes to the blinding fluorescent light of my bedroom, to the flickering screen saver of my laptop. the room was freezing and i was without a blanket. i looked at the time and realized i had fallen asleep again, fatigued from working three consecutive nights. i could not handle it anymore. i clicked on my laptop to hibernate. i collected all my documents strewn all over my bed, and reached for my fleece blanket. as i got up to turn off the lights and rested my head on my willing pillow, i felt myself slowly slip back to the dream, but i was now alone. no one else was there.

drawing block

i have been struggling with this sketch the entire day and can't seem to manage getting the perspective as well as the composition right. i dreamt of a falling woman one night during the twilight of my sleep. i knew i wanted to put her onto paper the moment i saw her in my head. the arch of her back, the way the wind blew though her hair, the way her muscles tensed as she braced herself for impact, she was beautiful. but then, i never really did. i woke up that morning and completely forgot about her... that was until this morning.

by lunch time, the images were swirling in my head once again. this time, there was a new character at play. i call here LUNA as she was one that i was supposed to depict sitting on a crescent, posed to be a figure of seduction in the night sky. again, however, she never materialized. again a forgotten subject, that was until i started drawing the falling girl. luna for some reason kind of found herself in the picture as well. sketch here, sketch there, erase here, erase there, and my falling girl is now a guy and luna is no longer sitting on the crescent moon.

i'm still waiting for the images to mature in my head. but until that time, maybe you guys can give suggestions of how this should look?

ripples

ripples (ink on paper) 2009

i considered it a good omen for the coming year.

this was the dream. the task. the cause. the effect.

let us never forget that we are not just here for ourselves but we exists also for other people. our lives, no matter how we think they to be insignificant, minute, or trivial, are always relevant, great and extraordinary.

it simply cannot be any other way.

never forget. always remember.

my kingdom for a horse

i have always been fascinated with horses. i guess it stems from the fact that i have always found it to be such a lovely and beautiful creature, strong and yet delicate at the same time. i remember still back when i was younger, when given the choice of which form of public transportation to take home, without batting an eyelash (yes, i think i was THAT na that long ago), i would say KALESA!! i loved being higher up than everyone else, being drawn by such a regal creature. highlight of these memories would have been the time where i was made to sit on the drivers chair up front, in full 180 degree view of the world before me, in close proximity to the beast that had me enchanted.

ever since i could pick up a pencil to draw, the horse was one of my greatest models. unfortunately, my skills at it were never up to my ridiculous standards. i found myself defeated time after time inspiration would hit me and i made my futile attempt in capturing this beast in its glory. that was, until i made the attempt again a few days ago. drawing it made me realize why i loved it so much.


i love the lines, how in life, the horse with its chiseled musculature bear natural, sensual lines. they become more apparent when she shivers and poses, her velvety skin hugging every curve. her pride is seductive, how its almost narcissistic. she has confidence in her stance, a controlled command of her body. a form studied, from the arch of her neck to the slope of her legs, always ready to move, always prepared. i love how her mane and tail flow in the wind, how she shakes them, seemingly to unfurl it of tangles.

i have not seen one in full gallop in person before other than viewing it on TV. its shows how her body in motion is as beautiful as her body in stasis, her movements elegant to the last detail. no wonder the horse has been the subject of such many tales and have been used since man came to be.

damn...

where is my fairly godmother when you need her. i have mice for her to change!!!!