Rumination~*

I feel so nauseated when I look at the workload.

I ruminate excessively.

And my sleeping time is all screwed up.

I think my whole self is disintegrating in a way.

I can picture my insides all twisted and brain all mashed up.

There's simply not enough time for everything.

I asked Mr Z if there are times when he feels that he doesn't have time for himself.

yes.

and yes for me too.

for being this strange creature who constantly needs breathing space and time to gather her thoughts and organize her life, I lose my sanity when things start to accumulate and clutter my mind.

or worse, when plans get messed up, I bite. be it myself or others.

I guess when it comes to this aspect of life, I am really tense and rigid.

"you've got to calm down, girl"

yes, but I'll need a large improvement in my cognitive ability in exchange for the 'happy-go-lucky' attitude.

(I feel utterly stupid when I read my readings)

urgh. I'm like preparing a battle or something. always worrying, stressing myself out.

I should really take up meditation.