It's 3 A.M., Mr. President

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It's 3 a.m.

Fill-In-The-Blank Speechifying

Here's what happens when the guy programming the TelePrompTer for President Obama hits the INSERT BOILERPLATE key too often:



via Twitchy, also punching above its weight.

Best. Blog. Title. Ever.

In a story about Venezuelan President Hugo Chavéz requiring radiation therapy for cancer, Weasel Zippers used this blog post title:

Chestnuts Roasting: Six Weeks of Radiation For Hugo Chavéz.

That right there is what you call world-class snark, friends and neighbors.

Eastern Europe Celebrates Reagan's Birthday

Story.

I once got into a discussion with an online acquaintance about Reagan's role in ending the Cold War, and she, Pauline Kael-like, said that she didn't know anyone who believed that. She lives in San Francisco, of course.

The Mother Of All White Flights

Will South African Boer farmers emigrate to the country of Georgia?

No reason for them not to. All they have to do is look at Zimbabwe to see their future if they stay in South Africa.

Indian Border Patrol: Only Eunuchs Need Apply

Story.

In fairness, the term eunuch in India denotes what we would call transvestites and transsexuals.

The Things Jimmy Carter Does Well...

...tend to be overshadowed by the things he does poorly, but his humanitarian work in poor countries is performed quite well indeed, especially his work to eradicate Guinea Worm Disease.

There's an accompanying slideshow, but I'd not recommend clicking on it if you have a weak stomach.

Um...Couldn't He Have Adopted?

A childless Indian man (convenience store variety, not casino variety), desperate to become a father, sliced off his tongue with a razor blade as an offering to the god Shiva.

Senior inspector R P Mishra added that Mr Kumar remained childless after more than four years of marriage.

He added: "An ardent devotee of Lord Shiva, an angry Kumar left his house following a tiff with his wife for not being able to conceive. He went to the temple, where he offered his tongue to the deity."

Asked to comment, the man said, "Nngngggghhh unngghggghuh." The man's wife said, "If he can't lick it then he can't stick it. Sucks to be him."

The Ultimate "Blame The Victim" Argument

Rosella Candella, described as a "psychoanalyst" in this UK Telegraph story, claims that Pope Benedict and Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi were responsible for the physical attacks on them because they were dressed in too exhibitionist a fashion.

No, really. She did in fact use the sluts were asking for it argument. Read the story.

He's a Filthy Dirty Slut.

Well, It Will Solve The Heroin Addiction Problem

Addicts in UK are dying from heroin contaminated with anthrax.

Yet another modest proposal: Similar contaminations could be done with cocaine, and we would have population and crime reduction at the same time.

President Ronald Reagan On The Fall of the Berlin Wall, 1989

via Newsbusters, the greatest president of my lifetime, and the one in whose Navy I was proud to serve:

Cuba: The Toilet Paper Apocalypse

Cuba is running out of toilet paper.

I'm sure if they recycled The Collected Speeches of Fidel Castro that the situation would be alleviated to a large extent.

But Can You Eat Burgers In All Those Places?

For just over $5000, you can go on a Burger-King sponsored burger pilgrimage.

You can see various places throughout the world where the antecedents of the hamburger are thought to have developed, such as Oxford, Wales, Paris, Rome, Moscow, Beijing, Cairo, Bangkok, Malacca, and Kuala Lumpur.

Do they have Burger Kings in all those places? I won't go if they don't have a Burger King.

Poland To Ban Che Guevara Images

Story.

The proposal, which could see the faces of some of the leading lights of communist history such as Lenin and Trotsky removed from t-shirts and flags, reflects a Polish view on communism far different from the rose-tinted and romantic images often found in the West.

After experiencing 40 hard years of communism, as well as the horrors of Nazi occupation, few Poles have qualms equating under law the inequities of Nazism and communism.

"Communism was a terrible, murderous system that claimed millions of lives," said Professor Wojciech Roszkowski, a leading Polish historian and member of the European parliament.

"It was very similar to National Socialism, and there is no reason to treat those two systems, and their symbols, differently. Their glorification should be prohibited."

He added communism had accounted for the slaughter of thousands of Poles in the Katyn Massacre while its gulags had consumed countless millions of victims.


Good for them.

Now You Can't Hear Him Bark, Are You Satisfied?

An Australian woman stabbed a neighbor to death after he complained about her barking dog.

Well, she certainly took care of that little problem, didn't she?

For The Travelling Troglodyte In Your Family

Cave hotels around the world.

A UK Telegraph slideshow.

Here's a pic of a cave hotel room from Turkey:

I Wonder If He'll Be Tempted...

...to give President Obama UK-coded (PAL) DVD's to watch?

From this story in the UK Guardian:

16. What about the goodie bag?

After tomorrow's dinner, Gordon Brown will present goodie bags that will showcase "British creativity". They will include a tie designed by one of three British tailors (Ozwald Boateng, Timothy Everest and Richard James), a tea towel from Ulster-based linen producer Thomas Ferguson Irish Linen, Kelly Hoppen candles, and Rococo chocolates. What about those world leaders who don't wear ties – German chancellor Angela Merkel, say, or Nehru-jacket-sporting Indian premier Manmohan Singh? Will they get an alternative gift? "I don't know," sighs a long-suffering No 10 spokesman. "I'll get someone to call you back with that information." At the time of going to press, no one has.

They're Dirty Dirty Girls

New Zealand girls just want to have fun.

Dirty Girl.

Just another reason that New Zealand is heaven on earth, I guess.

Would It Were So

The UK Daily Mail, in an article on the world's most beautiful female politicians, slips up and describes Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as "US Vice-President Elect."

Here's the pic they used:



And here's the caption they used:

How Criminals Acquire Machine Guns

Corrupt soldiers sell them to them.

And if the might UK military can't keep track of its weapons, how do you expect the totally corrupt Mexican army to do so?

Don't talk to me about Mexican drug lords buying machine guns at US gun shows, ok?