"I Saw Your Pampas Grass!" He Said Knowingly *Nudge Nudge Wink Wink*

"Sales of this exotic garden plant are plummeting because it’s a secret signal you are a SWINGER!"

Hey, Dis Joo Dog?

"Man accused of sexually molesting dog pleads guilty."

Jose Vasquez, 47, of Wilmington, approached a Marine stationed at Camp Lejeune in the parking lot of the Ramada Inn in the 5000 block of Market Street last July. The Marine said Vasquez asked him about a dog that was in the parking lot. When the Marine told Vasquez the dog wasn't his, Vasquez took the dog with him to his car, according to a news release from the New Hanover County District Attorney's Office.

A short time later, the dog's owner asked the witness if he'd seen the dog and the witness directed the dog owner to the car he'd seen Vasquez get into.

When the dog owner and witness approached the car Vasquez was in, they saw Vasquez engaging in sexual activity with the small black female dog, the news release said.

I'm guessing this will be a consent defense - - bitch wanted it?

Tigger, Why Are You...

...bouncing my mommy?

"We Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident...

...that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty and the the pursuit of close kin.

"Incest a 'fundamental right', German committee says.

Anti-incest laws in Germany could be scraped [sic] after a government-backed group said relationships between brothers and sisters should be legal."

She Don't Whore Around

Been married three times, but she don't whore around.

Like some people we could name. *cough*(Madonna)*cough*

If You Have To Be Held At Knifepoint...

...before you'll have sex with Romania's Angelina Jolie lookalike, you might be gay.*

And, after having raped a male cabdriver at knifepoint during the encounter, the woman now finds herself unable to get a cab ride anywhere. Go figure.

Of course, you have to question the masculinity of the male population of Romania, if no one is interested in having sex with an Angelina Jolie lookalike, at knifepoint or otherwise.




*to be said in a Jeff Foxworthy voice.

Fishing - - Or Sex?

You decide:

Yer Lede Sentence of the Day

"After hearing that a cow allegedly rejected the advances of a man on trial for having sex with a sheep, a British jury was chided by the judge for laughing in the courtroom."

Headline of the Day

"Nun gives birth to baby named after Pope."

*sigh* I know we're all sinners, but does the point have to be driven in quite so hard?

Headline of the Day

"Student, 19, sliced off his own penis after stabbing his mother while high on meow meow and was found hanging out of a window with blood gushing from his groin."

Way to go there, Oedipus.

And a Side Order of Thighs, Please

The favorite joke food of every high school boy:

The Story of "O" As Written By Tolstoy

"Woman rushed to hospital after painful THREE-HOUR orgasm."

The boyfriend just scrapes his toe on the ground, blushes slightly and says, "Ah, Hell, least I could do. Happens all the time." Then he winks.

Hmmm, I think you could re-write the lyrics to The Ballad of Gilligan's Island to suit this scenario...

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale

A tale of a fateful night

That started in a king-sized bed

And gave a girl a fright.

Her mate was a mighty loving man

His technique strong and sure

His girlfriend she set sail that night

On a three-hour tour, a THREE-HOUR TOUR!

The climax started getting rough

The tiny girl was tossed

If not for the courage of that lovin' man

The girl she would be lost, the girl she would be lost!

The girl came down in the bed of this hospital emergency room

With doctors, and nurses too

A rescue squad (with Jaws of Life)

No movie star, but

Newsmen and cameraman,

Here on Orgasm Aisle!

Blatant Clickbait

See for yourself (click to embiggen):

That's not how you treat a German Shepherd.

When Oogie Met Zally

"Neanderthal DNA dating back 50,000 years reveals that our ancestors were 'highly INBRED.'"

Cue the banjer music.

You Say That Like It's a Bad Thing

"Children of horrifying incest 'cult' with four generations of in-breeding found living deformed, filthy and mute in scenic valley."

News headline...or next season's hit Hollywood reality show?

A leftist, hearing of this story without the location being revealed, would automatically presume it took place in West Virginia, or Mississippi, or Georgia...someplace like that. A conservative would hope it took place in California, while being secretly worried that it took place in West Virginia, Mississippi, or Georgia...someplace like that (hey, stereotypes exist for a reason, you know).

And not to put too fine a point on it, but doesn't this beautiful part of Australia rather resemble the idyllic Georgia of Deliverance notoriety? It only lacks the banjos and Ned Beatty:

Ethel? Is That You, Ethel? ETHEL YOU SHAMELESS HUSSY!*

Yet another veal-eating teacher.


*Older readers will get the song reference, I'm sure.

Sowin' Those Wild Oats

In a pickup truck at a Waffle House parking lot, so drunk you mistook a cheeseburger for a sandal.

This article made it to the UK Daily Mail, probably the most popular paper in the UK. So this is how the Brits form their stereotypes of US citizens.

Well, If Ya Gotta Die...

...might as well do it in a blaze of glory:

A new study suggests that some species of marsupials mate with such vigour and intensity that it quite literally kills them.

The scientists say that male Antechinus die in large numbers after mating with as many partners as possible in sex sessions lasting up to 14 hours at a time.

The males attempt to mate with as many females as possible in long, laborious bouts, driven by high levels of hormones including testosterone.

Here's a pic of the little love rat:

Me So Hoooorny!

Yet Another Veal-Eating* Teacher

Down in Forth Worth, Texas, another teacher with a sweet tooth:

FORT WORTH — A former Haltom High School computer technology teacher was sentenced Monday to four years of probation for having sex and doing “everything you could imagine” with students.

One of the students married the 40-year-old instructor, a prosecutor said Monday.

Pic:

Hot? Or not? Let's have a poll:

Are You Hot For Teacher?
	Hell, Yes!
	No Way!
pollcode.com free polls

And you notice how the story is written in a sort of titillating, winking-at-it way?


*Veal-eating: likes meat young and tender

Quote of the Day

It is said, and it is very true, that the moment when vice becomes the custom marks the death of a republic, for the dissolute person ceases to be considered loathsome, and all baseness becomes normal. - - Arturo Perez-Reverte, Spanish novelist.

"Weiner confirms more inappropriate messages."

It should be noted that the new Weiner allegations stem not from the period of his original indiscretions, but after he was caught and resigned his seat as a member of the House of Representatives.